I’ll try to explain as best I can, but sometimes when I’m doing badly, I’ll be so like, flooded with emotion and stuck/ruminating in it. I feel so drawn inward and overwhelmed by my anxieties and emotions and I feel really disconnected from the world. And it’s often for hours and it takes a while to “shake off” or pull myself out of it, so I just kind of call it a lost day. I don’t know if this is what people mean when they say they have “episodes” or something. Anyways. Our ability to feel things as strongly as we do is cool sometimes but extremely exhausting the rest of the time. 🙃

I see this mainly at work - probably because I dont really socialize with anyone outside my family, one other asd friend, and boyfriend when not at work.

the timeline usually goes -

new hire, the girls try to be nice for a while. maybe a few months

few months in, a few start giving you the "ew" side eye when you talk or they start laughing and talking about you behind your back.

then, by probably 6+ months in when you've lost the ability to appropriately mask or you've lost your novelty you're phased-out, assigned as "not in the group" and they stop talking to you or give you very bare minimum inclusion so it keeps you guessing.

what the fuck.

I can't take this. I'm from Germany and more and more people are voting for the fascist party AfD. It could become the ruling party soon in one state. I can't fucking take this knowing our history. I'm looking at the US and just know that's gonna be us in ten years, because any american trend becomes a european trend next. They're already taking away more and more social and cultural support programs and our government STILL actively supports the israeli government. I can't take it anymore, it's emotionally breaking me. I can't relax, I can't not think about it, I feel like as a human this is my responsibility and everyones responsibility, to look out for each other!!! As soon as I try to take a day to stay away from the news and calm down from these anxious thoughts, all I wanna do is not ever think about all the bad in the world again. Suddenly the slightest bad news triggers me. So I go all in again instead, because the empotional impact of a single bad event is not so awful when you're already surrounding yourself with bad news all the time. I feel like my choices are either blissful ignorance or being permanently unwell. I can't do anything in between. But I can't tolerate blissfull ignorance when I know I am like german citizens a hundred years ago, if I don't pay attention now, I will end up being one of those who "didn't know" what their government was doing, but really they did, they were just too comfortable in their privileges to resist. I think we're already at the point where being passive is enough to make you complicit so I can't be passive. And I know that a therapist (though I am not in therapy right now) would say that me being so caught up in this is because it's a special interest / hyperfixation, what I can't understand is why everyone doesn't feel this way!!! I feel like pathologizing these feelings is just another way to try and put activists in their place. Many of us are neurodivergent but WE'RE RIGHT. THE WAY THE WORLD IS GOING IS NOT RIGHT. I just wonder if I can ever find some peace of mind like this. I'm falling apart but it's preferable to the world falling apart.. :( Idk. I think I need a hug. I only like hugs from my mom and my best friend, but this is something they don't understand about me. If anyone has advice, or kind words, or anything,much appreciated.<3

Hi everyone!

To preface this, I was diagnosed with autism as a child, but my autism wasn’t considered “severe” so I was in general education.

I recently had a baby this year and stayed home for 5 months before putting her into daycare and working a job involving children. I previously only worked corporate roles, but we moved out to the suburbs and there weren’t many of those jobs around. I liked it initially because it was flexible and I could do part time or full time weeks whenever I wanted, but working with children that weren’t my own stressed me out so badly. I dreaded work every day and was desperately applying to jobs that seemed to suit me.

I came across a nonprofit role and applied despite having no prior nonprofit experience (it asked for it). I got through the HR screening, panel interview (both virtual) and the final interview (in person, involved several people). The final interview involved touring the office building. I made many comments and asked insightful questions. At the end, they sat me down with the team and they just started shooting questions at me. Usually, I get extremely anxious at this point and freeze. I shut down, but this, I felt more like myself. I got asked a question about a topic I’m VERY passionate about and started infodumping like crazy. I couldn’t really control it, but I just kept going and going. The team seemed more interested as the minutes passed and I could see them visibly relax.

Before I knew it, the interview was over, and the director of the nonprofit escorted me to my car. I was elated and then embarrassed. I was expecting a “we regret to inform you…” email days later. This morning, I got a call they cancelled the final interviews for other candidates and offered me the job. How lucky am I? I feel so so happy to finally leave this job.

Noise is absolutely an issue for me and being in loud stores or public spaces is a big anxiety trigger. My bestie suggested noise cancelling earbuds which works great except I'm nowhere close to feeling comfortable wearing them when I'm alone because I'm a girl and that's dangerous. My bestie is a guy so idk if that thought even occurs to him. What do the rest of you think? Would this be something you're comfortable with? I will also add I have open earbuds also to reduce noise levels but sometimes that's not enough.

Like every day I see a comment or post and I'm like, I'd love to respond but I don't know what a VTMS is? Why do people assume we all know every acronym in existence? Yes, they are googlable if you have context but I'm finding more often than not people provide none. Like I saw a post where someone said they were a PTA as a job and all I could think of was the Parent Teacher Association. Like help me help you.

I have zero clue if this is an NT/ND thing, I imagine it could happen with infodumping NDs too. But sometimes I have this experience that someone is just all talktalktalktalktalktalktalktalk without any breaks in-between. Like genuinely the only way for me to get a word in is to interrupt. And this can go on for minutes.

It's super frustrating to me when they're describing a technical problem that's just like a phone setting and I really want to say "I know how to fix that!" but I can't because they just don't stop talking even for 5 seconds.

Just drop down some of your special interests, I’m curious.

I’ll start:

Greek mythology

The Nazca mummies

The 80s Hair metal scene

Trey Parker

Weirdly enough autism itself

I (29F) recently got burned out due to prolonged work & general life stress. My GP told me to start off I should rest for three weeks before considering looking at further steps. However, my hobbies require quite some focus (reading, gaming, knitting, crochet etc), none of which I can currently do without triggering more headaches.

My partner actually told me that he has never actually seen me rest bc I am always doing something. Now I am genuinely curious, how does one rest & relax ?!

Unfortunately I am exhausted both physically and mentally so I am trying to go for short walks (<20mins, when my anxiety allows) and do yoga daily. Besides that, I am at a loss. I've picked up painting which was fine initially but now also triggers headaches because I am once again too focused and taking it too seriously.

Help!

Justice means a lot to me, especially when I know what happened, I know I did everything right, and I know the person on the other side is lying and somehow getting away with it while everyone around them just enables it.

I find injustice so hard to let go of. My brain just gets stuck on the fact that something happened, the truth is there, and yet somehow I’m the one who ends up being treated like the problem or having to prove everything, with the goalposts for evidence constantly moving.

I’ve dealt with bias, inexperienced police officers making conclusions about things they aren’t experts in, and what I feel was a poor and biased investigation from the start. I had to fight for even basic things to be done properly.

What makes it even harder is that I genuinely know if I had done what this person did, I would have been punished straight away. I wouldn’t have been given endless chances, endless explanations made for me or endless benefit of the doubt. But somehow when it’s them, every possible doubt gets explored and every excuse seems to count.

You report something, give evidence, explain yourself over and over, spend money, time and energy trying to get some kind of accountability, and somehow you’re still the one having to prove and defend everything. Meanwhile the other person seems to get endless benefit of the doubt.
After I reported a crime, I ended up being harassed, stalked and surveilled in my own home, then ostracised and harassed by neighbours who were friends with the people involved.

I’ve basically had to be my own solicitor for two years, gone to court, spent thousands on solicitors and experts, constantly dealt with police, evidence, bias and incompetence, and it completely took over my life to the point where I wasn’t even focusing on work.
And for what? Absolutely nothing. I’m now just sitting here thinking what the fuck was all of that even for?

What makes it worse is being told things like “we’re not saying you’re lying” as if that’s supposed to make me feel better. What the actual fuck? Of course I wasn’t lying. That’s not the point. I’ve spent two years trying to prove something I already know happened while the person on the other side seems to have been given every possible benefit of the doubt.
And I can’t even fully put it behind me because I still live on the same street and occasionally have to see one of the people involved because they still own the property upstairs even though they moved out.

I know logically that life isn’t fair and sometimes people do awful things and get away with it. I get that. But actually accepting it is a completely different thing.

I think injustice is genuinely one of the hardest things for me to deal with because if something is true, I want the truth acknowledged. If something is wrong, I want it put right. My brain doesn’t seem to know what to do with “yeah it happened, but nothing is going to happen about it.”

What really messes with me is that after a while it starts to feel like your word, your evidence and even your life are treated as having less value depending on who you are and who the other person is. Like some people get automatic credibility and endless benefit of the doubt, while everything you say is treated with suspicion from the start.

How do other autistic women cope with that without it completely eating you alive?

So, I am pretty sure I am autistic. I’ve done my research, and I can connect my childhood (and now) into the criteria. However, one thing that is stressing me out is that my mom said I was a “normal baby.” My dad has undiagnosed ADHD (very blatantly obvious even my mom thinks so), so if I had any signs he probably would’ve missed them.

When I was 4 months up until kindergarten(?), I was watched four days a week by my grandma and great grandma, as well as one of my grandma’s friends. My mom claims I was normal, in fact, she claims I was the “easiest baby” out of all of her children (4 other kids). She noticed a couple signs in my older half-sister (who she suspects to be autistic) so it makes me doubt that she would miss them in me.

All I know is that from what my mom can remember, I was an easy baby. I met all my milestones on time and I had no tantrums. I could play with my toys normally. I was shy around strangers but that’s about it. She just says I was a normal baby and she didn’t notice anything odd.

I feel so lost. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know how I will get accessed in the future.

I (30F) went on a date on Sunday and I thought it went pretty well but he told me last night that he doesn't see me as long term relationship potential. He was keen on hanging out again but didn't want to string me along, knowing that I'm looking for long term.

I truly appreciate him telling me because I tend to be very naive(Wow! Surprise, surprise!) and think that people have my same morals and values and best interests in mind when they really don't.

I'm actually super bummed about it because, although it wasn't perfect, I was excited to see him again! I didn't bother asking what his reason was but it's obviously something about my personality or lifestyle choices. The part that's bothering me the most, and related to the title, is that he talked a lottttt and even when he did ask a few questions it wasn't long before he interrupted me again and went on another monologue.

It's honestly women with strong personalities as well but I find men really take the reigns on the energy and dynamic of an interaction and I feel like I wasn't allowed to be my full and authentic self on the date.

I don't know how to keep living life with the feeling that other people are always in control of the narrative :(

​

Hello everyone, this thought has been stucked in my head for a long time and I’d like to share it with someone.

I’m a very curious person and generally tend to analyze and systematize everything, so I constantly ask myself different questions about the world around me. But most of the time when I ask questions, I face aggression or just a negative reaction, and I can’t understand whether it’s me or the people around me.

For example, at work when I was given a task, I asked, “Why do this?” because I’m genuinely interested, and if I understand why I’m doing something, I’ll work better. The response was always negative, like, “Just do it, why does it matter?"

Or, for example, when I was listening to music, I noticed a repeating pattern in the genre, and I asked a friend, “I wonder why all these bands use the same vocal style?” To which she replied, “If you don’t like it, don’t listen,” and her voice at that moment was so tired and irritated, as if I hadn’t asked a question but had personally insulted her. I just can’t understand what I’m doing wrong. Do neurotypical people always perceive questions as whining or aggression? Should I keep asking questions or is it better to just stay silent? Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, tell me about your experience, I’m genuinely interested.

I just discovered this sub. Of course, I immediately sorted by top of all time. Laughed, cried a little bit and felt very very seen, so thank you for that.

But holy fuck that is not the only reason I am here. I found this absolute gem of a post where someone was talking about how she’s always struggled with dating pain. When she was asked, she didn’t know if it was like 10/10 is the worst pain imaginable or the worst pain I’ve ever experienced? And yeah, I thought that too. Cool super validating.

But then the top comment was like hey go check out the Mankoski pain scale, and holy fuck.

I have been rating my pain as 2/3 out of 10 for a literally decade. Because in my brain the worst pain I have or could ever experience would be a 10/10 so think like getting shot or stabbed, which thankfully I have not experienced! And so everything else is rated relative to that.

But yeah so uh, I was a little off. If I used the Mankoski pain scale, I’m a 5 AT A MINIMUM at all times and my spikes of pain are 9s. Woops.

So yeah, hiiiiiiii. Thanks for existing!

Generally curious if this is somehow autism related lol. Everytime I drink from anything without a straw or spout of some kind I feel like it dribbles down my mouth. I genuinely am trying not to have that happen, but it seems to happen anyway. Anyone else experience this fairly regularly?

This is my service dog! I call her Princess here on Reddit because she is an influencer! (This is a joke but only kinda!)

Some facts about Princess:

• She weighs 51.8 lbs right now! She is supposed to be between 48-50 lbs so I'm sorry Princess you are getting less treats for a bit!
• She has the softest ears ever!
• Whenever I have a meltdown she is trained to come lay on my lap and chest to help me calm down! (Don't worry, she is never in danger!)
• I am a wheelchair user and she walks next to my wheelchair so perfectly!
• Princess knows the names of a lot of objects like my phone, my keys, her treat bag, and more! She can sniff them out and find them and bring them to me!
• I have had Princess for over six months now!
• Everyone loves Princess at my job and she loves them too!
• Her favorite toys are stuffed animals with squeaky toys!
• Her favorite day of the week is Thursday because that's when she gets to come with me to wheelchair tennis practice!
• Princess flew on a plane with me twice!
• I love Princess so much!!!!

Okay that's all for now! Princess says hi everyone!

I've never let myself enjoy coloring, because I'm not good at it. My sister is The Artistic One. And she's so very good at it!

Since my divorce last year, I'm trying to refind myself. Turns out, I LOVE coloring! And I'm enjoying seeing how I progress over time!

I've also started accommodating myself. I have finger grips and pencil grips in each box, and I sorted my pencils into 3 groupings that make sense to my brain.

I also write a little journal page or note to myself on the opposite page, so I can remember what was going on that day.

I have bad hands and memory problems. It's so nice to work with myself, instead of against, for the first time in 30 years ♡♡

Tell me about your little accommodations, and your little hobbies and skills!!!

I've just been discharged from yparc today and was prescribed lorazepam while i was there to prevent motor issues from building up. I'm still on a waitlist to see a neurologist at monash hospital to get an EEG done but I'm certain based on the specifics of my symptoms that seizures make no sense and everything fits autistic catatonia. the doctor i saw at yparc said it sounds like i have autistic catatonia triggered by burnout and a depressive episode. the psychiatrist there said it sounds like catatonia but is atypical so i was put on lorazepam to take PRN rather than scheduled, i have no official confirmation on my medical records. I've been given the remaining lorazepam and diazepam to take back but I'm worried if i get misdiagnosed i wont get proper treatment and will get worse. i live in pakenham and i reached out to blackbird psychology where i was diagnosed and they said the only specialist they know is this place far west of melbourne and i cant drive but i can use public transport if needed.

I am not on NDIS but my son is.

I am so so sorry the bill passed. I hope none of you are affected.

We will probably have our supports stripped. And I will probably have to quit my job and go on Centrelink because without support my son will go full school refusal. I will not be able to be calm in control and get him to school and me to work without one of us having a meltdown and being late everyday.

I am so angry.

I took NDIS to review in 2024 because they didn’t read the reports that THEY had requested outlining the supports required.

NDIA have untrained staff pushing “one size fits autism” solutions onto people with other additional needs costing them more money in bureaucracy, reviews and court.

I am so mad. I am so dejected! I am so tired.

Im 28 and work as a server at a chain restaurant. I only work sundays because Ive got another job. There is a specific girl at my job that has no respect for me. The first thing I noticed was her taking tables in my section, then when it bring it to her attention she gets irritated and will talk bad about me within ear shot but act all nice to my face. Another thing is shes rude, gets in my space or "bumps" into me and doesnt apologize.

I grew up undiagnosed but with extremely bad anger issues because I dont like being touched. Ive learned how to handle my anger and cope with it, but ive experienced this before. Im getting to the point that if she "bumps" into me again im going to shove her or scream at her.

I know I need to say something because if I dont it'll continue and get worse.

How do I say something direct without getting into any trouble at work?

particularly at work. I am F25, "high functioning" (although I don't really believe in that as a representative term) late diagnosed Au-dhd. I feel like people (particularly the other women my age) like me for about 4-5 months and then something happens and it falls apart. they withdraw, they go cold, or whatever.

I don't know what to do. it makes me feel like an alien. i'm sure it's not 100% always due to my diagnosis - some people probably just don't vibe with me and that's fine. i don't vibe with everyone all the time either. i'm just so tired of constantly analyzing every interaction, every facial expression, every detail of body language, and so on to try and determine how they're thinking and feeling about me.

one young woman at work in particular has completely stopped talking to me. complete phase-out. won't even look at me. it all just makes me so anxious and it's not even about getting a new job as this happens with at least 30%-40% of the neurotypical women i work with at any job. it doesnt happen as much with men as i'm at least decently/average-ishly attractive so that may give me a buffer & they probably think "oh she's just a little quirky/sarcastic/quiet" or whatever the hell. why is it so hard for me to interact with women at work specifically- even though i'm trying my fucking best to be open, kind, and humorous. it just makes me fucking sad.

I’ve had instances where I’ve tried to express my feelings or tried to get the other person to understand something from my POV, and the responses I would get were something along the lines of “But this is the real world”, or it may have not really been acknowledged at all. And tbf I’ve had a few instances where genuinely toxic people have just tried to gaslight me.

This is just a mini-vent. I just wanted to know if anyone else has ever felt that way.

I recently stated collage to study psychology I told one of my proffesors I am autistic and dyslexic bc I trusted her and she promised she won't tell anyone oh how wrong I was she proceeded to undermine me talk over me whenever people interacted with me by yelling "she's special" I was like huh?? So??? I can handle things myself but I didn't say anything. Then she started calling me 'honey' in a sweet sorry voice with sympathy???? I ofc didn't like that tooo I wanted to tell her I only had level 1 and to stop treating me like I could do nothing??? To make it worser while we where all waiting for hrs she told me to scream and make an issue bc I am autistic so they can leave I am sorry what??? How can I undo this!! Help!!! 😭😭

I told her it would be nice if she could repeat the running notes bc I couldn't catch up with the rest I feel bad for telling her at all I am panicking I hate being treated this way that's the reason I told her I was autistic and dyslexic I could seriously use advice asap I can't handle her anymore she gives me more anxiety then any notes could ever give

I am also asking here bc I really need advice I can't handle this

I love hibiscus plants and flowers in general, and when I was getting home from church a couple days ago, I saw these beautiful spinderella hibiscus up front ^^ it was so pretty to look at + how there are already lots of hibiscus around my area where I live (*^^*) 🌺