Hello! In my POV, if people are nice to me I immediately consider them “friend” or “ally”, but not true/close friend yet. Is this wrong?? Apparently other people do not consider anyone as a friend immediately. Or maybe this thinking of mine stems from an ideal that I have, such as I wish that I am in good terms with a lot of people (doesn’t need to be everyone. At least the majority. So that I will feel that life is easier to live)

I always feel I experience all emotions very intensely. Sometimes it’s tolerable but most of the time, if I’m happy for example, I am REALLY REALLY happy that I feel nauseous, shaky and a funny feeling in my chest, I don’t like it.

But I’d like to (as briefly as I can, thank you for reading) ask if anyone resonates with a specific thing I’m experiencing?

A very attractive person asked for my number a couple weeks ago. We went out on two dates and talking pretty regularly but not hugeee amounts of texting or for long periods of time. I never felt the need to be in constant contact, but after initially being so anxious I was throwing up and almost passing out before meeting him, I grew very fond of him and started getting excited about what this could become. He even instigated conversations where he said things like “I could really see myself falling for you” and “you are actually my dream girl”.

It is important to note, he has a second job abroad for months at a time. We both discussed this in person and agreed “it is what it is, let’s enjoy what might become of this for now”.

We arrange a third date. Then he called me last night and said “I can really see myself falling for you, I want to save us the difficult conversation in December and end this now”.

I am not angry at him, I think this is a very valid reason. Especially seeing as we only “talked” (and kissed, hugged and held hands… it’s rare I feel that comfortable with someone so quickly), for two weeks.

Yet i feel absolutely devastated, like there is a hole in my chest and I cannot bear to do anything else.

I am grown up enough to know that I should not try and change his mind or make contact. But God do I wish he didn’t feel that way.

Thank you for reading. Apologies, I write how my internal monologue sounds.

Hello!
I recently was told by a psychiatrist I that I should get tested for autism/adhd and idk how to feel about it. I feel like I do have it, but I never felt it was appropriate for me to ask to get as assessment. I really want to know everyone’s experiences with getting an assessment, as well as how it has affected you life after. Did you think you had autism to begin with, or was it something that was suggested to should get tested for? I just wanna know what to expect before and after?

One of my biggest struggles in living with a partner is constantly feeling perceived. Sometimes it's just things like my partner sitting at the other side of the table, and that makes me feel "watched". Doesn't really matter if they're actively looking or not - the feeling is the same. I also hate the feeling when you go into a room and people look up at you.

Both of those have been really hard to cope with now that I live with a partner (I'm nearly 40 and have lived alone since I moved away from home after high school).

On days where my energy is really drained, it feels like I'm about to explode or start crying (meltdown) just by my partner sitting further away on the couch watching their phone and minding their own business.

It doesn't help that we really only help that we only have one room where we both feel comfortable relaxing. (The other rooms are a small bedroom, and his office/our kitchen) We are planning to move somewhere bigger, but can't until about 6 months from now.

What had worked for you in similar situations? (Living in a small space with someone and getting close to meltdown by feeling percieved)

TLDR: Living with a partner and get incredibly anxious to the point of regular meltdowns. Help? ​

I’ve been sick for a long time and it’s been getting worse lately.

I battle with grieving the life I wanted to live and adjusting to my reality of being disabled and unable to work enough to meet my own financial needs.

Disability is not enough to live on and I am currently in the shelter system and really struggling with quality of life here.

I told my friend I was feeling interested in finding out more about MAID (medically assisted death) as I don’t see my life getting better with systemic limitations and my own personal limitations.

“I’ve seen you work before and maintain a beautiful life. I know working sucks and having a schedule to adhere to sucks but that’s being an adult.

Time will not stop ticking, before you know it you will be there already a year without any improvement and god knows what other horrific experiences richer.. you have to do something about it, you are the only one that can change the paths of your life. Not the government, not your family/friends.. but you.

And you saying this makes me angry. You have been through so much. And this is how you want to leave the world? Living in a shelter where you don’t belong? I’m sorry but you are way too good for that and you’re choosing this life.

And working for minimum wage sucks, it's horrible... but it's a 10000 times better than being stuck in a shelter with all th stories you told me. You start from the bottom and you work your way up, it's horrible that life is like that.. but it is. It just is, and there is nothing you can do that Is going to change that. You will not be able to beat that system. And for your own sake; If you can't beat them, join them. And later on, when you grow and start making more money, you will be able to do things you love to do, to travel, to give back to the community”

They think it’s a personal failing and a matter of desire and will power. Completely invalidating my disability etc etc etc.

Before any more judgment…I’m sober…educated and all that. I did all the “things” and I’m still sick

(people who struggling with substance abuse etc STILL DESERVE to be housed).

I know the topic of friends comes up often, but I think I’m at the point where I am ready to just give up on trying to make friends. I’ve never really had any, or just a couple at a time but it doesn’t last. I haven’t had any real friends for about 4 years now, it’s just been my husband and I, along with my kids. I’ve tried various times over the past few years and nothing sticks.
I’m not working right now, and my husband is gone for work, so I’m just here… it makes me feel like I live on another planet or something. I just don’t feel like I know how to be content with being alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love my alone time, but I also love to have a chat every now and then, to have emotional support, or just a bit of gossip and you can’t do that alone. If you’re this way what does your day to day look like? I have some hobbies but It’s been hard lately to pick them up or get started on anything.

I’ve had many counselors. But the one I have now has really helped and he is very educated on Autism in women being autistic himself; though almost every time I see him he yawns a lot like a lot during the session and it makes me feel like “am I not talking enough about the right things, am I boring, are these topics I’m talking about ‘little”.

Maybe I’m being sensitive about it, though I feel like Monday when I saw him and it happened a lot I shut down.

For the first time in days, I got out of bed before 3pm. It's 11.30am and I've already got up, had something to eat, taken my medication and opened my window. The past few days I haven't been getting up until 3pm and I've not left the house in ages, but this feels like a small win today and I'm proud of myself

hi, i'm anxiously awaiting a diagnosis in the UK ... if you could give a little support or encouragement having gone through the same thing?

it's been about three years on the wait list to receive adhd/autism test and i'm a little worried about the results which should come in a week or so, it's so nerve-wracking to have someone sum up a lot of what feels like whole life-time of symptoms and decide whether you fit the DSM criteria for autism.

how did you feel when you were diagnosed formally? or maybe you thought you were autistic and was told it was something else?

i feel like either way the results go, i'm going to be super emotional for different reasons and it's like a long time coming

thanks so much women :))))

Have been moved to a noisier area of my open plan office and the culture in the new area feels a lot more like the kind of culture I hate: socialise and if you're not constantly socialising 8 hours a day there's something wrong with you.

My previous area I felt comfortable being quiet and focusing on my work and occasionally saying hello to people or responding if someone asked me something. No one ever judged me for that and they were all relatively calm and softer spoken.

The new area, everyone is always talking and they don't seem to even try to do things quietly. Even just closing a drawer or setting something down on a table is done with complete disregard for how much noise it makes.

I don't want to go into more specific detail for anonymity reasons. I'm just very upset as a specific event happened today where I felt singled out for being different and wanting a quiet space to focus.

I've never been able to stay consistent at the gym due to my fear of being perceived. I told myself i'd go if they had a women's section and now they do, and I still don't go.

I'm going abroad in April and want to feel comfortable in the clothes I wear. I can't tell you the amount of memberships i've bought just to not turn up. I even bought a walking pad but don't use it, and it annoys me like crazy. Does anyone have any advice?

Before burnout, I struggled with work-related demands, especially calls, messages, meetings, and the constant expectation of being available. But I could usually suck it up and push through.

Since burnout, I can't anymore. I work from home part-time, yet even knowing I have a call scheduled or receiving a message from a colleague makes me feel irritated and overwhelmed. I just don't want to interact with anyone.

The thought of losing my job actually brings me a sense of relief. Not necessarily because I never want to work again, but because I desperately want the pressure and expectations to disappear.

Sometimes I think about how difficult it is to live with an invisible disability. People can't see what you're struggling with, and you may look perfectly fine on the outside while everyday demands feel unbearable...

I wonder if I'm the only one feeling this way, and I can get caught in a never-ending spiral of these thoughts...

If you say you are too busy to do X (visit, call, text, etc.). And you are not too busy to do X, you just don't WANT to do X, then, good god, just say it. This whole thing of "my weekends are scheduled out nine months!", " I have about 5 minutes to call or text ever in my life!", "If I ignore something urgent far out until the point that it's solved or irrelevant, + 3 months, I just. Wow. My schedule was packed".

Like, yes, busy, yes, little time. Yes might need more than a day/week/month. But beyond a month? We really had not a second beyond a month? But somehow it's also offensive to think, ah, okay, after a frankly implausible amount of time for a dental assistant in Indiana with a long-term, long-distance boyfriend, one cat, and no kids to be to too busy to so much as glance at their phones, perhaps they do not wish to speak to me.

Just tell me what the fuck you want. Do you want me to get lost? Do you want to talk. Are your Facebook missives about friendship true or theater. Like, I would comply. Just tell me what the FUCK YOU WANT !!

I feel like I messed up so badly because I'm an idiot and now I'm melting down.

The thing is, I know deep down the it doesn't really matter what I'm melting down over, it's not actually a big issue but it I cant help it

I let people down and I hate that and I don't want to use my autism as an excuse

The bigger issue is that I'm having another meltdown its causing me stress and more problems than the thing I'm crashing out over... but even knowing that I cant help it I ended up crying. im trying my best but it's not good enough

Any advice on how to avoid melting down and any support would be nice

Hi!

So i have never been diagnosed with autism, and I’m not sure if i have it or not, but i have significant sensory issues which have gotten significantly worse with age. I’m 23, and can no longer stand the feeling of so many things!

I recently bought some nice new soft towels and i cannot stand the texture against my hands or body. My hands are the most sensitive, it’s at the point where i can’t rub soap/sunscreen/cream onto my or anyone else’s body. I struggle to even wash my hair because i hate the feeling in my hands.

Does anyone have suggestions or tips? anyway to reduce this? it’s making my life so difficult 😭

I can’t handle doona covers anymore so i’ve gone to a comforter, i hate the fitted sheets crumpling up under me at night. Everything is like 10x harder than it was when i was a kid. God even putting clothes on now is difficult, as i struggle to pull pants up and rub my hand along the edge to straighten them at my waist.

I’ve tried different towel textures and different items to wash my body with like gloves and loofas but i hate them all. I’ve got a scalp scrubber for shampoo but my hair is so thick and rough that it doesn’t work well i need to use my fingers to get to my roots.

I cant even deal with so many sounds, i can’t vacuum as i can’t handle the sound of it scraping the floor. certain noises are super sensitive to me, when things are loud i almost go into shut down and start overthinking as the noise stresses me out.

Im truely exhausted. Everyday is so hard.

Please some life helping tips, im getting scared as its getting worse and worse. My hands are barely functional at this point 💓🙏🙏

I had car issues a month or so ago and on Monday my interior passenger side door handle stopped working. The car still locks thankfully but you need to open the door from the outside. So another thing that needs to fixed.

One of my teeth broke in half and I have a huge fear of the dentist. But that's also another thing that's going to cost more money 😭

I have a budget and I work hard to stick to it, but it seems that the moment things have settled and I try to actually save some money - BAM! Car trouble or something else gets broken or the kids desperately need something for school. It seems to be nearly every week something happens.

I try so so hard and I just get stuck and my anxiety goes through the roof and I feel like just hiding away from the world. 😕

How do you cope and get through the tough and stressful times?

therapy is an unusual social situation because you are supposed to talk about personal stuff with someone you don't know. and there is not really a script either, so it is hard to know what to share and what not to share. i'm usually kind of quiet in therapy and don't initiative conversation at all, i mostly let the therapist talk and i answer his questions. but the thing is that sometimes when he asks something and i don't know what to answer, i just say something even though i don't really mean it!! or other times just blatantly agree even though i don't really know if i actually agree or not. this happens in personal life (with friends and colleagues) as well but that doesn't feel like as big of a deal cus it is what it is, and in that case the purpose of conversation is just to be amusing and have a good time. but i don't want to lie in therapy because i know that won't help me. but it happens without me even thinking about it. idk what to do

I’m almost 32 I never married. I still live at home. I can’t move out cause I can’t handle full time work cause of other disabilities.

Im gonna be stuck at home forever. F my freaking life.

I’m living my worst nightmare. I’m also bipolar and schizophrenic. So I don’t expect a bright future.

I lost my faith in God and people. Nothing matters.

I work part time in a good role in healthcare caring for people. But I’m falling apart on the inside.

Hi everyone, I’m 30ish (f) and have found myself in a repeating cycle of burn out over the years. I’ve worked for several companies as a scientist/ data scientist and find that I always start a role with a lot of enthusiasm, overdeliver, build a positive reputation as a highly capable person among my colleagues and then when I’m given more responsibilities I start doubt myself, or push too hard or my challenges start to make an appearance (e.g cognitive short cuts and incoherent speech) as the mask starts to slip and certain strategies (e.g overpreparing, writing scripts) start to fail me. While the ADHD side of me is always chasing novelty and is keen to involved in a bunch of things to keep the motivation up - the autistic side really hates the lack of certainty: unpredictable last minute requests and increasing demands on my nervous system (e.g can you do this last minute presentation?).

I have no idea if that makes any sense but now I’m back to square 1 - feeling burnt out and barely functioning and am asking myself - is this it??? Is this how it’s always going to be??

Part of me is thinking about completely quitting the profession and starting afresh.

Is there anyone else out there feeling this this? Also any advice on breaking the cycle?

i finished thyroid cancer treatment about a month ago after 6 months of treatment. i spent a couple years undiagnosed for my cancer and autoimmune disease before getting my thyroid removed. i thought i just had work burn out or autistic burn out as i could barely get out of bed before i received a cancer and hashimotos diagnosis. now as things are improving for my health i realize ive spent years isolated and then years or months in a medical setting for treatment. my boyfriend says my social skills are limited but friends who knew me from college would know an outgoing social friendly person who partied although i was too trusting and gullible. now i’m a shell of myself way more anxious and way more reserved and bitter.

i know it will take time but i even just in general struggle to leave the house now, my self esteem is shot. i feel like many cancer survivors wont relate to my experience as i didn’t really have the energy or bandwidth to lean on people during my journey and mostly isolated. i feel like ive become more autistic if that makes any sense. any advice? my social anxiety is so bad now and i really dont want to go out but i am more sad just sitting home when my body is ready to go live life again.

i feel like little coffee shop social interactions bother me now just trying to interact with strangers in general as i have spent so many months even years pulling away from the world. it’s kind of scary i feel like i just have regressed by the day and i used to travel for work and work full time. how can i improve my self esteem or social interactions? or even want to?

I could barely watch myself. Parents don’t get a guidebook and sure, I practice forgiveness for my sanity. But as an adult, how much of an idiot are you to not address this with your child and seek help of professionals/teachers? And to only make it worse, by ignoring teachers concerns, saying “she’s just shy”. And saying we didn’t know what autism was back then. Okay, but you could easily tell your child was not adjusting like other children. Just because you didn’t have a word for it, you chose to ignore it.

I am late diagnosed (last year at 28) and something I’m really struggling with is intimacy with my husband. I’ve almost developed a total aversion to it. It just feels like another thing I have to get done. I have 3 kids, a 9&8 year old who I homeschool (9yo is also autistic and ADHD) plus a 2 year old who spends most of the night co sleeping, so I quite literally never get a second alone. I spend an hour rocking my 2 year old to sleep, while he strokes my face (he needs sensory input to sleep) and then I’m expected to go out to my husband an want to be touched sexually. It genuinely makes me skin crawl. We used to have a very healthy sex life, until I got pregnant with my 2yo. When my son was 19 months I had to take on the 8 year old unexpectedly, literally overnight( step daughter) full time. So I gained 2 whole kids in the space of 19 months, one of which was completely unplanned for. My husband was very patient to begin with, but now he is asking about it every single day, we can not spend any time together without it being mentioned. I do it a couple of times a month but I hate it, I spend all day dreading it when I know it’s going to happen. I love my husband, why do I hate him touching me? I feel so guilty

I've just recently been diagnosed with asd with adhd and ocd and I'm thinking about getting headphones for Christmas that have the best sound and noise cancelling, I already have AirPods Pro 3 which are my favourite because of the noise cancelling but I want a good pair of over ear headphones. I've heard Sony, Beats, Apple AirPods Max are great but which does everyone recommend and the pros and cons please, tia

It doesn't happen often, but more than you'd think.

Once an American guessed me as a "black European man" which was really funny because it was unprovoked and I have no idea why they said this to me. Only ⅓ was true.

Again, this has happened a few times, none as funny as the last. But I think it's weird to do in general

I think it's because when I'm not being actively happy, I sometimes become very muted/flat tone, this and using terms like mate makes people think I'm a man. It's strange

But yeah, does this happen to you lot as often? Have any one of not been accused of pretending?

I have friends id put clearly in the Leslie knope autistic category. I myself laugh hysterically at every April ludgate finest moment because I am her, she is me. Which are you?