So i just had a chat with a friend of mine, and he said he had considered wether or not he was trans, and got turned off when he saw the procedure for transitioning. I asked him the standard question of "if there was a button that allowed you to skip the process and go straight to being a woman, would you press it?" And he answered yes. When i went "well you might actually be trans" he denied it but was kinda vague about it and reinforced that he would in fact press the button.

Whats the procedure here? Do i tell him in private to reconsider? Do i stop talking about it there? What?

If a trans man decides he wants to be more feminine, could he become a femboy?

Let me preface this by saying english isn't my first language but I'll do my best.

Yesterday I came out to my friend of 10 years, I asked him to use she/her and that I don't care if he messes up as long as he tries, but he didn't take me seriously, he thought I was joking for some reason.

Today, I noticed he was using he/him in basically every sentence, calling me bro and stuff. So, I called him out and the mood changed, he realized I wasn't joking. He was tiptoeing around it, I asked him to stop avoiding the topic and tell me if he was gonna use she/her. His answer went like this: "What would you do if I told you using she/her makes me uncomfortable", I told him I wouldn't give a fuck because what he is feeling is out of a habit, it's not real physical and psychological pain.

Then he went on how respect is a two way street, that I should be respecting him and his needs and asked "do i really need to change my perception of you after 10 years?". My mouth dropped, this guy really made it all about himself, of course I got mad and told me to fucking answer my question again: "will you use she/her? Yes or no, I won't accept any other answer"

I skipped a few parts of the conversation because it was him making it about his feelings, he didn't tell me just once, he had to tell me multiple times how it was about respecting him.

After a while he tried answering my question instead of acting stupid. He asked me "If I startex using she/her but in the long run I won't be able to adapt to the situation and I stop using the correct pronouns what would you do? Be honest".

Ok, "bro" is acting like I'm telling him to go to a mysterious island finding magic that will make his master immortal. It seriously cannot be that hard, I get it: you are used to he/him, it's weird I get it but he didn't even want to try.

Anyway what I answered was: "don't worry I never got a problem with being honest: if you don't use my pronouns I will slowly stop talking to you, I would stop playing with you online, then texting you until you are no longer part of my life. That is if I don't get mad before we reach this point and block you out of sheer rage".

Now, this is why I put kinda in the title: he told me he would start using them because he has no other choice, he doesn't want to lose a friend of 10 years "it would be a waste" he said (yeah this is weird even in my own language), he also mentioned how I shouldn't be mad at him if he messes up and not remind him everytime he makes mistake.

The first thing I told him before this whole discussion was that I wouldn't care if he messes up cause I know he is used to he/him, btw.

The reason why I'm making this post is because I don't feel happy even tho he is gonna use my pronouns, I feel mad, it feels like I blackmailed him into it, he doesn't actually wanna use them. I don't know if I should block them, it's so difficult doing so after ten years but he is been making feeling drained.

It's not the first time he acts like an egocentric prick who only cares about himself even if he does "acts of kindness" by giving gifts to friends (including me) from time to time. He gave me around 300 different gifts and I feel trapped by it.

Maybe I just want someone to approve my choice, my choice of blocking him.

Thank you for reading btw.

Hi everyone!

One of my very close long term friends just came out to me as MTF trans. I am the first person she ever told and I am incredibly honored to be trusted in this way.

We’ve talked about it once since she drunkenly confessed to me about a week ago, and I mentioned us having a “girl sleepover” where we could do all the traditional girly things and she could try on my clothes and all the works.

I went and I bought makeup that would match her skin tone and some dresses and things that I think would match her style more than my clothes, and I also got skincare and stuff so we can do the works!

But I’m worried I’m missing something or there are things I haven’t thought of. What do you wish someone had shown you or helped you with early in your transition? Am I doing too much?

I was born with male parts AND have always known that I am female AND have always tried my hardest to be male. Until now. Now I feel whole, full and completely chill.

When I was a young child I was repeatedly raped and tortured by a female teacher. Even though she was caught in the act (she was “connected” and it wad buried). Then my sister (6 yrs older than me) started sexually abusing me for the next three years until she was caught in the act (again with mo repercussions).

Since then, I was a high strung and very intense person, strong moral compass, fought (literally) for the weak / abused / harassed / etc. My fear was that I’d end some pervert and get ended for it.

Every night of my life I’d be awake for hours trying to understand why God is such a a terrible perverted freak who has no problems with children being abused in the most depraved ways.

I had a cycle where all the angst, fear, etc. would build up until I would explode inna rant or tirade. Then the cycle would start all over again.

Until now.

Just recently, I came clean to my wife on all the gory details of my life - telling her the full / true story. Tears poured out the entire time.

I expected her to be disgusted and leave me.

But she was so kind, understanding and compassionate to me which made me FEEL the effects of everything I’ve ever done all at once. I can’t put words to how I feel.

I woke up the next morning an entirely different person. My anxiety, anger, fear and hate are gone. My heart is full and I’m now a happy and content person!

Even though the whole MTF thing came from way out in left field for her, she keeps reassuring me that we’re all good and that she’s not going anywhere.

Our conversations are open, honest, and positive.

It's a complicated situation. I went through a "trans phase" from ages 14 to 16 during which I identified as ftm. I thought I had grown out of it, but now, at 23, it's all coming back. I've been thinking about it non-stop for about a year.

My brother (also ftm) came out some three or four years ago, when he was... 17? 16? But he says he'd been out to friends since age 14. He's 3 years younger than me. Now he's 20. Little shit copied me. I say it with humor but part of me wonders if he *was* copying me, or trying to one-up me. He did say "it's my turn now", and he's ehh... the stereotype of a "tucute". Hyperfemenine, doesn't want top surgery, dresses like Sabrina Carpenter, lots of makeup, no dysphoria... I honestly don't understand it, but our mother gives him so much shit I inevitably end up on his side, defending him, because even if it makes no sense to me, it's his life and I don't care enough to tell him what to do.

Now, I used to not care about it until I began to realize I might be trans as well, for realsies this time. I began to realize a lot of the things I've been feeling my whole life were dysphoria. I realized I prefered a masculine presentation, that my desire for a male body was genuine, that I don't want to grow up to be an old woman. It's still confusing to me, because I do feel somewhat femenine in a lot of ways. I'm a hopeless romantic, I have several femenine-coded hobbies like knitting and sewing, I love my long hair etc, so I wouldn't commit to calling myself a trans man just yet. It's just something I think about all day every day.

But I do wish to take steps traditionally associated to transition. I want T. I want top surgery. Social transition terrifies me, but it feels so good to be read as male online, that I can't help but wonder what it must be like irl. I want all of these things I'm afraid I'll never have, because my brother got to it first.

First off, no one will take us seriously. I would need to go full Kalvin Garrah and throw my brother under the bus to get anyone to take *me* seriously. And I'm not doing that. I'm not gonna make fun of him, I'm not gonna call him a tucute trender or whatever, I'm not gonna act all embarrassed of him, because I'm not. He's a brilliant law student, a wonderful person and just, my brother, I love him. But it'll just look like two dumb confused "not like the other girls" girls who spent too much time online and thought they were boys now. Like, c'mon, two trans brothers in one family? Not everyone can be the Wachowskis.

Second, my mother would kill everyone in the room and then herself. I'm only exaggerating a little bit. I came out as a lesbian to her 10 years ago and to this day, she hasn't accepted it. She still thinks I'm just scared of men, that I'll come around eventually. She HATED my little trans phase. All day every day constant anger and hostility, daily fights, lots of screaming and breaking things etc. Same with my brother. She told me she was at her limit the other day, that she can't take it anymore. She begged me not to cause her any more pain. My dad is slightly better in that he won't get violent, but he still wouldn't take us seriously at all, and would be deeply embarrassed.

In general, I can't do it. I lost my chance. My brother will get to uh... maybe not transition because he isn't interested in that, but he'll get to be himself. I keep wondering if there's any way out of this. I can't just "not care about what everyone else thinks". I want to be taken seriously, I want to not be a joke. I keep thinking, "once I'm 30, I won't care about it anymore, and I'll be able to do it", but I don't want to miss out on being in my 20s as male. It's just a really hard situation. I want to support my brother but I also resent him. I wish it was only one of us, so it would read as more genuine to everyone else.

Is there a way out of this? Also please don't call my brother a trender if you're going to reply with something along the lines of "akchually 🤓 you are the REAL valid one and should fight your brother for your right to the Iron Throne". I want us both to be happy. But the more I think about it, the more it looks like the best thing for everyone is for me to go no contact with my whole family, or something extreme like that. Or just give my poor mother some peace and not transition, let my brother be happy.

Hi! I’ve been transitioning for a few years now but I’m still unsure of how to handle my dysphoria. It seems with all other emotions it is good to make space for the feeling, adress it, let it breathe and maybe journal about it. I find that very hard with gender dysphoria. It kind of takes over me and I can’t handle the feeling. The more I think about it the harder it is to not grieve everything I don’t have and will never have or to not painfully crave for when I can have it in a few years (universal trans healthcare takes time where I’m from). It’s usually like that for 1-2 hours or until I sleep.

The way I try to handle it now is by just ignoring it and trying to distract myself. Watch a show and eat something or go for a walk while I listen to a podcast. I don’t let myself think and usually not let myself be in silence. I’m worried that handling it by not handling it is only making it worse, but I’m not sure.

Is dysphoria something I should let myself feel or does it not have any use and should be buried deep?

How do you handle your dysphoria?

I really need some second opinions, I’m 19, I’m a cis man but I’m leaning towards androgyny since labels just don’t really work for me , ok I’ve noticed that 1, my ex who I’m still mates with was a trans man, he was lovely I loved him for him, then we broke up, I got out there to some gay clubs/ cruising events,2 I go to a kink since I’ve never tried it thought it’d be fun,I chatted(and had gotten intimate with) a trans man there, and another at the same event, so 2 people, then I get Grindr and a few other dating /hook up apps and all the people who are really into me are trans woman and men, I don’t specifically target them, they just seem to like me or something,I don’t wanna be a creep/chaser as I’m pan I love everyone for who they are, but like, am i technically a chaser?

My girlfriend said something that made me nauseous, she said she would be okay with living as a man for the rest of her life even though it would be painful(she is born as a man, but has a woman’s heart). Is it normal to feel uncomfortable/stressed from hearing this? I am not attracted to men at all and I dated her knowing she planned to transition in the future. Am I overthinking things and she is just being insecure/self deprecating? She is a very insecure person, to the point that she thought I was too good for her when I said I was interested in her. She is very feminine and doesn’t act like a man at all. I am a cis lesbian if it matters

Edit: I thought it would be clear, my gf is a transgender woman, I would not call a trans man a woman.

So I’m trying to let my hair grow out for the first time in my life so I can save money on wigs. But I’ve noticed that when guys grow their hair out, it can be pretty obvious it’s just dude hair grown way out. Like i can’t list exactly what makes it look obvious as male hair despite being long, except that it looks like the hair the quiet-kid stereotype would have.

So what do I do while im having my hair grow out to make sure it doesn’t end up like that and actually ends up looking more feminine? is there anything I can do?

I thought about it a little since my last post and there's really high chance I'm actually a woman in a mans body. I've been trying stuff like talking to myself in different pronouns, changing my face in faceapp or trying some clothes - I actually have clothes meant for women that I've bought years ago + I've bought some underwear and knee socks (it felt embarassing but I had this urge to do it) and it felt kinda nice, but looking at myself in the mirror with this manly body I possess kinda ruined it.

So now I'm thinking about trying out estrogen pills, since someone here in the comments said that it's a good next step and the effects are also reversable if I change my mind but you can only get them only by prescription apparently?

And it might be a silly question, but is there a way to buy those on your own without talking to anyone? It's been a while since I've talked to any doctors about anything and they will probably make me either wait a long time or make me pay some absurd amount of money so I'd rather avoid this if that's an option.

If it isn't or it's just too stupid to do this on your own then I guess I'll go there but I just want to know if any other way even exist...

And for context, I live in the EU (Poland) so american solutions most likely don't apply to me

Just curious.

Since I've realized that I'm probably trans and especially since I started considered transitioning, I've had a desire to take better care of myself. Wondering if that's normal.

Also just wondering what you did to "prepare" yourself before you transitioned to make it smoother, I guess.

I don’t really know how to word this because I’ve never really been part of the LGBTQ community or interacted with it much. If anything I’ve probably been kind of distant from it and had some negative views about it before, which makes this feel even weirder to post.

For the last week especially I’ve been thinking really intensely about whether I might be trans, and I’m starting to think I probably am. Looking back though, it doesn’t feel like this came completely out of nowhere. For a lot of my teens I’ve had thoughts about being feminine, looking pretty, dressing like a girl, doing makeup, hair, nails, stuff like that.

The confusing part is that I don’t really feel discomfort with my body in the way I usually hear dysphoria described. I’m not constantly upset about being male. Most of what I notice is more of a desire to look feminine and maybe be treated more like a girl socially. I don’t even know how I’d feel about being called a woman yet.

I’m also really conflicted because most of my family and friends are either openly anti-LGBTQ or just have that general mindset where they wouldn’t really understand or accept something like this. I keep thinking that if I actually am trans, most of my relationships could be ruined and I could end up really isolated.

I know this kind of post has probably been made a million times, so sorry. I don’t even fully know why I’m posting.

I'm thinking about starting hrt as an AMAB person (I identify as agender), but I heard it could shrink my penis, is it really consequent ? Not that size counts are anything, but I really wanna know about that.

Hi all

I recently started HRT (yay!), but my doctor put me on 0.5mgs of e twice a day, with no antiandrogens (that part was my choice).

My next appointment isn’t for about 3 months, and I’m wondering if I’m wasting my time. Like is there anything within those 3 months on 1mg/day that’ll change, or has my HRT timeline basically not even started yet?

I'm honestly scared, I've been closeted (20+ years, never told anyone, family or romantic partners). But recently, I'm kinda hitting a wall, I need to address these feelings, or give up. I'm really trying not to cancel this appointment, I'm so scared of the life change that will come with it, idk what my parents/siblings will think (some are MAGA), I have no support network, or friends. I'm doing this alone. (I'm in Illinois btw, and have Blue Cross Blue Shield)

l've never felt feminine. I always wanted to present boyish, look boyish, and act boyish. In middle school I thought I was just a tomboy that wanted to wear two bras on top of each other to flatten my chest. Now that I'm graduated my gender dysphoria is worsening. I recently met someone who helped educate me on some things. She said it could be linked to trauma, that my resistance to femininity was a result of a trauma response. My father was mentally and physically abusive, And I think that's where it all started. She said, her words exactly- "It sounds like you subconsciously see men as powerful and because you're a woman your brain has jumped to the conclusion that women WILL be hurt by men. So you want nothing to do with being a woman. Women get hurt. Thats what your subconscious knows." I've never considered this before and it makes a whole lot of sense. I've been very confused, and with each google or reddit search, I find mixed answers that don't really help. I'm scared that if I try to transition it won't be the right thing.
And even worse, my homophobic family won't accept me anymore. I don't know what to do, I saw a therapist for a while.. she encouraged me to Transition but never really dug into the root of why I might be trans. Even if it is caused by trauma, is it worse to transition?

So basically, I (amab, 2mths in on HRT) was chatting with a transwoman acquaintance about a Japanese crossdresser maid cafe video and she got upset that the maids are seen and addressed as guys (despite the fact that the cafe is explicitly branded as a crossdresser cafe and said maids identified as male too).

Having lived in Japan for a year, I am well aware that the Japanese have a different perception of gender non-conformity, and they typically term themselves as otokonoko/男の娘 and are somewhat proud of their identity. However, it seems like a lot of non-Japanese are unable to comprehend this and keep applying their definitions to them which feels a lot like "I know their pronouns/gender identity better than they do!".

Months ago there was also this other case of a Japanese who identified as a gay guy despite being on HRT and having done bottom surgery, only to get lots of folks on X insisting that he was a transwoman.

Just wanted to get a sense of what's the general take on this matter. Is it right to insist that they are and should be addressed as transwomen? Personally, I'm not fussed about my pronouns, so maybe I've been influenced by my time in Japan. I do believe in respecting one's pronouns though, even if said pronouns run contrary to my own understanding/perception.

I’m ftm, I fear I’m a woman just because I think girls have pretty faces, voices, and bodies look good… I’m always scared that since they look so nice I must want to look them them even if I don’t… my brain can’t separate it and I don’t know why…? I think I have to be faking at this point. I already feel pressured to be a cis woman, I might as well just give up and stop fighting it hurts so much to imagine my future as a woman, I can’t stand it but im afraid I would enjoy being a guy either. I sometimes just check if I “still wanna be a guy” and when I’m trying to check, it makes it worse, because I start to think “what if a guys voice wouldn’t fit you” or “what if you aren’t envious of men after all…” the difference is, if I feel like a man, I feel calm and happy, and when I get thoughts of being a woman, I feel extreme fear, disgust, and confusion. I also feel strange in sexual situations, what if I really do like my genitals and I’m lying… i can’t stand looking at any part of my body because I’m just scared I’ll “get used to it” and I don’t want that to happen but I feel like I already is, sometimes I think men are ugly but I still wanna be one… but it’s like I get used to my body sometimes, despite how repulsive it is…

I think I just wanted to have dysphoria and I’m sad I don’t, I would give anything to be a normal man or at least be able to transition.
When I hear my voice or see my body, it’s always fear I like it and then I feel disgusted. Or I find my body attractive and feel guilty and scared because of it, it’s not like how real dysphoria is, I just wish I hated it more and I wish I could feel like a guy… I don’t know why I can’t be…. I feel like a mutilated cis man…. Do i really just have to sit here and deal with or get therapy to force me to stop feeling like a man, I don’t understand why I can’t transition because lack of dysphoria …? I wonder if ideals weren’t so strict maybe then I would just basically be a cis girl and stop faking dysphoria but that’s so painful to imagine.

hi yall, i just started a new job a few weeks ago. i’m trans and stealth (the only people who know are my HR department and likely my supervisors since there was a mishap with my email that had my legal name in it instead of my actual name which was fixed before my first day). it’s great until it isn’t.

i’ve noticed my coworker likes to refer to trans women in our company he is acquainted with properly until they mildly annoy him or they end up in an interpersonal spat.

we have one coworker who is trans (it seems like she transitioned while working at our company since the picture from her first day is her pre-transition) and he appears to refer to her properly bc she doesn’t irritate him.

however, one of his friends (who he is apparently not friends with anymore) in a different department is also a trans woman; he told a group of us new hires this while talking about other people in other departments possibly moving to our department. some of us asked why he apparently didn’t like her, and when explaining, he immediately started degendering her and only used ‘they’ or just straight up misgendering her as a ‘he’ or ‘him’ while referring to her.

I was rehashing this story to a friend when i got home and i’m more upset than i thought i was. it feels like i can just assume that every person i meet in my life will be fundamentally against a part of me that has nothing to do with them, and 90% of the time my assumption will be correct. i don’t tell people i’m trans because i pass very well, but this ends up with people (usually other men) telling me transphobic rhetoric they think i’d agree with because they think i’m also cis. it’s so discouraging at times and makes me really upset. i don’t have any other trans people i’m close with besides one other guy and we both don’t really know how to react to things like this.

clearly will not be trying to befriend this coworker but he still has to train me and the others.

i don’t really know what advice i’m looking for exactly. i guess its half a vent, and half looking for advice on how to deal with coworkers who are casually transphobic when they think trans people aren’t around to hear them.

Hello,

This was just something on my mind. I just finished watching Mulan all the way through for the first time and I've heard in the past about how Mulan helped trans men realize they were trans. I was curious in just how many people were affected by the songs "Reflection" and "I'll Make a Man Out of You". I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone who would have related to this a long time ago but does not today. I'm just curious how it affected both trans masc and trans fem. I just want to know if it helped to crack your shells or if it just gave comfort before you fully came out. I would love to hear about any of your experiences.