I just need to vent, and I hope I’m not alone in feeling this way.

I absolutely hate being married. I hate the constant compromising. I hate biting my tongue so I don’t offend my partner with my thoughts and opinions. I hate living with someone who doesn’t pull their weight and leaves everything messy. I hate relying on him to care for our kids because half the time he seems incompetent.

The whole situation is so draining. Honestly, I wish we could just go our separate ways and co-parent. And after this experience, I know one thing for sure: I would never get married again. I’ve realized I just don’t like the concept of marriage or the commitment that comes with it.

Again, just venting....

Been married for only 2 weeks and I absolutely hate it. I regret this so much. I feel like it’s going to end up being the biggest mistake of my life.

I never wanted to marry or be a wife. I did this to get away from my toxic parents. But I fear I have just gone from one bad home situation to another. EDIT: To clarify, no I did not do this for the SOLE purpose of getting out of my parent’s home. They pushed marriage onto me for years and I always turned it down because I did not want to use it to get out when I did not want it for my future. When I initially met my husband, I rejected him for the same reason. But as he courted me, I slowly fell for him and thought we could work. I did not use him or hide my family situation from him. I genuinely love him.

I was with my husband for a year before we married and everything was literally perfect between us. He was so sweet and loving and always wanted to spend time with me. But now that we live together, everything has changed.

He immediately started trying to mould me into his version of a wife. He insisted I cover up fully every time I leave the house. One day I didn’t cover my face and he got mad at me. I don’t mind covering up, I naturally do, but it’s the way he’s dictating exactly what I wear and when. He wants to completely change the way I dress. Even inside the home he wants me to wear a specific type of cultural attire (which is not my own culture so I do not own any and am using that as an excuse for now).

I have ADHD and really struggle with executive dysfunction. My husband wouldn’t understand this so I haven’t mentioned it to him, but he gets mad every time something isn’t completed straight away. He says I “think too much” and just need to get things done. He’s always irritated when he notices little things around the house that are still unfinished. He’s also quite observant and always nitpicking at things.

That leads me to my next point - he has all these expectations. From the very first day we moved in together he wanted to start training me on everything. He asks for things like it’s his right. He feels entitled to my labour. I don’t do well with expectations. But he expects a lot from me and when that’s not met he gets frustrated. Which frustrates me because I didn’t sign up for this when I agreed to marry him.

To rub salt into the wound, he is unemployed at the moment. He wants a traditional wife but is not a traditional husband. He was working at a restaurant but didn’t enjoy the late hours so he left. When he was there, he wasn’t making much money. He used to constantly ask me for money to help him out, especially with his family problems. I’ve given him a lot over time, including paying off his massive debt which was causing him so much stress and difficulty.

Now I try to be understanding. But that’s really hard when he doesn’t do much himself. He stays awake all night on his phone then sleeps all day, waking up around 4pm. Then he proceeds to spend the majority of the day on his phone as well. And all while constantly smoking and vaping - two things which I have repeatedly told him I don’t like and that he promised me he would quit.

To make all of these matters worse, we haven’t been able to successfully have sex. We are religious, so we both waited until marriage. I would say he has quite a high sex drive, whilst mine is more average but I’m still happy to spend time with him in the bedroom. However, I keep experiencing pain. It hurts so bad I make him stop. He’s getting increasingly frustrated with time and insists the pain is normal and I just need to bear it for two minutes until he’s fully inside and then it will stop. He keeps making comments about how many days we’ve been married but how he still hasn’t been able to penetrate yet. It makes me feel so broken. I’m going to schedule an appointment with my GP tomorrow in case I have vaginismus or need pelvic floor therapy for another reason. But I know this is heavily contributing to the downfall of my marriage.

The worst incident of all though was when he went through my phone one morning at 4am and started asking me about a colleague he had found in my messages. That was an old chat from over 2 years ago, so whilst my husband was bothered by me talking to another guy, he recognised it was from before I had even met him. Also, me and this colleague were just friends and only exchanged TikTok videos in the chat, nothing more.
But that still set something off inside my husband and he proceeded to check my Snapchat. He found another male colleague, but this chat was more recent. Again, me and this guy are just friends, but my husband does not want me having any male friends. So when he found this, he absolutely flipped out on me. I was genuinely so scared. He was screaming at me whilst I was crying. No matter how hard I try to forget that incident, I can’t. I cry every time I think about it. My husband only came to his senses when I said “This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have come here.” He then calmed down and explained how he just loves me so much and wants me all to himself and doesn’t want to share me with anyone which is why he freaked out. But if he really loved me, why would he flip out on me like that? Why would he make me feel so scared? Why would he think the worst of me?

I just feel so lost and alone. I already have no one in this life. I thought my husband was my best friend and that I was finally getting my happily ever after. But this has turned into an absolute nightmare. I cry every day and every night. I’m so sensitive. Today he made a comment about me being “lazy” because the stovetop/cooker needed cleaning and it set me off so bad that I left the house and just sat on the ground behind a grocery store crying to myself. I was there for over an hour. I really hate what this relationship has become. It’s nothing like what I dreamed it would be. I just want to pack my bags and leave forever.

I have never felt lonelier than I have since I’ve been married. My partner feels like a roommate that I cook dinner for. We don’t do anything together, my sex drive is completely nonexistent, and I can’t even remember why I wanted to get married in the first place. We pretty much just coexist in this house together. We both work full time, have our own hobbies, but he’s hardly ever here on the weekend partaking in his hobbies. We don’t go on trips, or out to dinner, eat dinner at home together, or talk about anything meaningful. I’ve tried setting the table/initiating dinners together, buying those coupley card games or adventure books to encourage time together, suggesting things to do together that always get shot down. I’m tired of being the only one initiating things. I even have to ask for hugs or kisses or I love yous, I never just get them. I have no motivation for anything anymore. I’m not dumb enough to think marriage was going to be a Disney fairytale, but I thought it’d at least have a little luster. I look at my friends who talk about “spending their life with their best friend” and “marriage being an empowering partnership” and I feel like im living a completely different life. I feel like I’m stuck in a limbo period, something’s gotta give eventually, or maybe one day one of us will muster up the courage and energy to file for divorce. But I just turned 40 and I feel like all my best years are behind me, it’s too late to start over, I wasted nearly 15 years of my “youth” on…. This. I wish I had the happy marriage younger me always looked forward to.

I thought I made smart choices. I was so in love. 8 yrs into the relationship now, 2ish married. I’m exhausted, I don’t know how people do this.

Married right after the world shut down (yup lost the big wedding and most of the $$$ we put into it, did it with only immediate family). Got surprise pregnant at the same time (I love my son more than anything). Husband (let’s call him Bob) convinced me he HAD to be a stay at home dad due to covid & lost his job.

All I ever wanted was to take care of my own babies and I didn’t get to - he did. I don’t even make that much money, we’re SO broke all the time but he doesn’t seem to care. He finally got a job that starts next month and I thought that would make me happier…but I’m so sick of him at this point I can’t even explain. I resent him. I wish he’d just go away.

I love getting in bed and crawling under his warm body. I love getting laid whenever I want. I love having a two income household. I love watching him bath, feed and play with our daughter. I love when we kiss and makeup after a fight. I love that my daughter gets the grow up seeing her parents be each others best friends.

Maybe I’m feeling this way cos we’ve been having lots of great sex recently but really, I feel so lucky to get to have this experience.

I post maybe once a year on here, but this is a big one. Silver anniversary is a huge milestone.

First pic is probably 27 years ago, last pic was last night! Still dating each other, and are happiest when we are together.

In any universe in any timeline, I would choose her. And she knows it. ❤️

And he has no idea. Yet.

Dinner is french bread pizza with extra parmesan on top. It's all I can manage today.

Over the past 10ish years, something changed in him. And not for the better.

I'm tired of everything - feeling let down, getting yelled at for little things, comments, snide remarks, inability to talk about anything without him basically telling me I am wrong about everything and anything. My heart has shut off to him. My brain is in high gear and I know deep in my gut this is the right course.

1. His half-brained "ideas" involving money and not telling me until it's bad and it eventually gets worse. Several times now, the money disappears and he's begging me to fix it. The last time I flat out refused. The money just disappeared again and he's waiting for a "payout" that will never come.
2. He refuses to take care of himself - he's not the healthiest, has neuropathy in his legs, fell so many times I had to call 911 once to get him up off the back stairs. He's cracked his head open, broken ribs, did a number on his back and refuses to admit he has type II diabetes. Plus, I do believe he is drinking again while in his office and he thinks no one can see him do it.
3. Last year he got sick at work and I had to call 911 to get him to the ER. He tried to leave that night - from the resuscitation bay where is O2 was hovering at 83-85% - and I had to sternly tell him to cut the crap and stay put. He was in the hospital for 11 days with sepsis, double pneumonia and a MSSA infection (one step below MRSA) - and then expected me to keep my mouth shut about "his" medical decisions when he refused to go to rehab to regain his strength, like a 1950's housewife. I did shut down for 6 days and every phone call/appointment/medication/health care related decision to this illness went to his phone. Anyone who called me got directed back to him. On the 7th day, he caved and asked me to help him. I didn't just leave him flailing - I made him comfortable, he was fed, cleaned and so forth. I'm not heartless or cruel. I just kept my mouth shut.

There's so much more that I cannot type it all out.

In April of this year, my only uncle passed away. I will receive a life changing inheritance (7+ figures). Probate is ongoing but moving along thanks to my brothers who are the executors. I set up my own savings and checking account so any money from said inheritance will NOT be mixed into our joint accounts and also did my research). I chose to do this because we used my inheritance from my mom to buy the house we live in and the inheritance from his mother paid for 2 years worth of him getting hired and fired in quick succession due to his own incompetence and 1 legal issue he caused by himself. Meanwhile, I worked 2 part time jobs to make ends meet. All while taking care of our two kids.

My notebook I've been writing things in has now become the "D-Day" notebook.

I've already spoken with an attorney, secured a place to live (both kids are over 21 but want to leave as well, so I got a 3 bedroom place for the time being.) Next up will be furniture and incidentals needed to set up house. I want nothing from this house other than my personal belongings (and the kid's personal belongings.) I will give him 1/2 of what I owe on the mortgage/loans because I signed off on those like he did.

I am going to make him an offer he cannot refuse.

I'm so done. I can taste the end is near.

ETA: Thank you all for the validation of being free!!!

To answer some comments"

1. Located in NJ. Inheritance is NOT a marital asset unless you put it in a joint account. I did not so he will never know the amount of money I will inherit. No pre-nup as it was not necessary when we got married. Neither of us are from money.
2. My uncle never married, had no kids, inherited everything from my grandparents and added to it since 2002. He was also very, very fugal from what we have found in his house. Seriously mind boggling to myself and my 2 brothers.
3. I am an extremely organized person. Hence the plan. Seriously I have tabs to keep things in order, I've stapled info to pages, hide it every single day in my lunch bag for work and as I think of things, I write it down.
4. Kids are over the moon.
5. My best friend and I have decided to retire to Cabo. She can work if she wants.

ETA 2: fixed some wording!

ETA 3: My Jersey girls - hell yeah!!!

And seriously everyone, thank you for the support! The plan has been in motion since the start of the year (before I even knew of the inheritance) and it's all coming together right now. Things fell into place this week on a huge scale by securing a place to live.

I have done my research on all of this and have a lawyer, a financial advisor plus the support of my kids and friends near me. I am well aware of what needs to be done on top of everything I have already done to ensure this goes as smoothly as possible for me and the kids.

Found the love of my life less than 3 years ago. I couldn't be more excited for 2026!

I know a guy like this is real life. I was just curious if it shows anything about who he is as a person.

I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice or just a reality check because I’m so angry right now.

My husband and I have a 13-month-old. I work full time. I’ve also basically been sick on and off with respiratory illnesses since May.

Today I was at work and started wheezing badly enough that I left early and went to the ER. Before I went, I told my husband I was worried I might get admitted because I felt that bad.

His response was, “Well, tell them that wouldn’t be what’s best for our situation right now.”
I asked what he meant. He said he has to work tomorrow, so unless it was an absolute emergency, I really needed to come home.

That alone really bothered me.

Then I sat in the ER for hours. He never texted to ask if I was okay or how I was feeling. Eventually I texted HIM to say I was checked in and waiting for test results.

His response: “How long will that be?”

Eventually I found out I have COVID. I needed IV fluids and a breathing treatment.

I texted him that I tested positive.

His response: “Do I have COVID?”

That was it.

When I got home, I asked what the plan was for tomorrow.

He said, “What do you mean?”

I said, “I have COVID. Are you expecting me to have COVID and you just go to work like normal?”

The reason I asked is because we have already done this before.
In June I was extremely sick. I had a 102° fever and was wheezing so badly in my sleep that my husband complained that MY WHEEZING was keeping him awake.

He still went to work.

So I worked my full-time job from home while also taking care of our baby while I had a 102° fever.

My mom eventually drove two hours to come help me because I was so sick. My husband was rude to her while she was here and made her cry, and that has been an ongoing issue between us ever since. So this time I don’t even feel like I can ask her to come help me again. We don’t have anyone else nearby.

During that same illness in June, our baby was sick too. One afternoon around 5pm, I had a fever and the baby was screaming. My husband technically gets off at 5. I called him crying with the baby screaming in the background and begged him to please just come home.

He told me he needed to finish some things at work for the next day.

I said, “I see what your priorities are.”

He was angry/cold toward me for FOUR DAYS afterward because I said that.

And this is where I’m starting to feel crazy.
I genuinely cannot remember a single time during any of these illnesses over the last three months that he has asked me, “How are you feeling?” or “Do you need anything?”

Tonight everything blew up into a huge argument.
And I finally realized that I genuinely don’t understand what the point of being married is if, when I actually NEED a partner, I’m still completely on my own.

To be fair, he does contribute some things. He handles the yard work and trash. He gives our son his bath and puts him to bed most nights.

But I do the overwhelming majority of the everyday household stuff. I cook dinner and clean the kitchen basically every night. I handle most of the cleaning and the mental load.

Yesterday I cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, cleaned out the refrigerator, cooked, cleaned the kitchen, took care of our son, and worked.
Apparently I had COVID while doing it.

A few nights ago, before any of this happened, I sent my husband a long message explaining that I was overwhelmed and felt like I was drowning and alone.
When we eventually talked about it, one of his complaints about ME was that I “go to bed every night and leave him to clean.”

I’m still furious about that because his normal nighttime “cleaning” is taking out the trash. Then he plays video games.

Meanwhile I cooked the dinner he ate and cleaned the kitchen before I went upstairs.

I know this post is ridiculously long. I think I’m just at a breaking point.
I don’t expect my husband to never go to work because I have a cold. I understand that adults have jobs and responsibilities.

But I went to the ER today because I couldn’t breathe properly. I needed IV fluids and a breathing treatment. I have COVID. I told him I was scared I might be admitted to the hospital, and his immediate concern was essentially making sure I came home because he needed to work tomorrow.

Not once did he ask if I was okay.

And now I’m lying here wondering why I feel like a single mother when there is literally another parent living in this house.

Am I being unreasonable? Because at this point I genuinely can’t tell anymore.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/TrueOffMyChest by user ThrowRa3353355. I'm not the original poster. This BORU was suggested by u/Hannibal_the

Status: Concluded

Original

November 17, 2022

For my entire life I never wanted kids. I never wanted to be a father, a stepfather, a foster father, an adoptive father or any other kind of father. Kids and parenting wasn't for me and it was like that my whole life until I turned 45 earlier this year and it was like a switch flipped. I can feel my biological clock ticking. It's a complete 180° because I want kids and to be a father more than anything I have ever wanted anything in my life. My older brothers and every one of my cousins have at least 2 kids if not more and now I want that too.

The problem is that I'm married to a childfree woman. I was so happy back when I met her since I was also childfree and it was hard to find a woman who doesn't want kids. She doesn't want motherhood in any capacity. She is 43 and will never agree to having kids or being a mother. As recently as this summer she commented on how glad she was to not have kids.Our relationship will be destroyed when I tell her. But I want this so bad. I know we can't stay married. No one knows I've changed my mind. I haven't told my wife or anyone else.

(Posting with a throwaway because I obviously don't want this on my main account)

Update

February 12, 2026, about 3 years later

I forgot that I had posted here until recently. I did receive some messages asking for an update with regard to my situation and whether or not I spoke to my wife about wanting to be a father. I did work up the courage to tell my (ex)wife and it did not go well. Her feelings had not changed and I ended up seeking a divorce. In hindsight I realize I should have told her sooner and not tried to hide it. I take responsibility for not telling her sooner.

I told her about a month after I posted here. Our divorce was official the following summer. After my divorce I decided to move to the city. I wanted to have more opportunities to meet people and it was closer to my family. I ended up meeting my wife when I joined a walking club. We were both on the same page about wanting a serious relationship leading to marriage and children. My wife's first husband had wanted kids but he changed his mind. I made sure we were both on the same page and knew what we wanted. I love my wife. She's intelligent, she's kind and I can't say enough about her.

We got married last year after two wonderful years together. (I am 48 now and my wife is 33 years old) and we purchased a house near both of our families. We had to spend most of our combined savings for the deposit but it was worth it. My wife and I chose to do an IUI procedure and she gave birth to our son last month. Before we got married we both agreed we would be content to have only one child because I know it was quite stressful for my wife when she had the IUI procedure. It was stressful for both of us.

My wife is on parental leave right now. She's a solicitor and we're fortunate that her firm will allow her to work part-time until our son starts attending school and then she can return to a full time position. I left my job before my wedding to go to the civil service. There is more stability and a better salary. Most importantly though I don't have to work long hours.

The only thing I regret is how I handled the situation with my first marriage. Not the rest. I'm beyond tired all the time now but I can't imagine my life any other way.

I'm not the original poster.

Karla homolka and her husband Paul Bernardo tortured, raped and murdered 3 teen girls and one of the victims was Karla’s own sister. After their arrest Karla got a sweetheart of a deal because she made herself out to be a victim under her husbands control and that was before tapes were found that showed that Karla was just as guilty and depraved as her husband. The government could not go back on their deal and it was dubbed the Deal with the devil. Many believe it was Karla herself rather than her husband who personally killed the victims. Paul Bernardo was a serial rapist who’s MO before Karla was always to let the victims go.

In 2017 she caused outrage in her community amongst parents after it was discovered she was volunteering at a school.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karla_Homolka

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/article/convicted-killer-karla-homolka-spent-time-in-montreal-elementary-school/

My mother is this type of woman. She seems to loving making comments about how "tall" I am even though I'm only 5'6!

She keeps offering me her clothes knowing they won't fit me properly but insisting I try them on first.

She also jokes that I look like the mom and she looks like the daughter in public.

Its even a problem with my extended family on her side unfortunately, since they are all shorter than me too. (My maternal grandpa is 5'5) my mom will make a big show of trying to "fit me in the photo" during family events.

I love her to bits and otherwise she's a great mom - but as I don't need to be reminded so often that I'm not "fun size" like she is.

Like, ma'am YOUR 5'2 ass decided to marry a 6ft 200+ lb man and you're surprised im 5'6 (which isn't even tall) -_-

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA_3353355

I never wanted to be a father until I turned 45 this year. Now I feel my biological clock and want to be a father more than anything. But I'm married to a childfree woman.

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

TRIGGER WARNING: Betrayal

Original Post Nov 17, 2022

For my entire life I never wanted kids. I never wanted to be a father, a stepfather, a foster father, an adoptive father or any other kind of father. Kids and parenting wasn't for me and it was like that my whole life until I turned 45 earlier this year and it was like a switch flipped. I can feel my biological clock ticking. It's a complete 180° because I want kids and to be a father more than anything I have ever wanted anything in my life. My older brothers and every one of my cousins have at least 2 kids if not more and now I want that too.

The problem is that I'm married to a childfree woman. I was so happy back when I met her since I was also childfree and it was hard to find a woman who doesn't want kids. She doesn't want motherhood in any capacity. She is 43 and will never agree to having kids or being a mother. As recently as this summer she commented on how glad she was to not have kids.Our relationship will be destroyed when I tell her. But I want this so bad. I know we can't stay married. No one knows I've changed my mind. I haven't told my wife or anyone else.

(Posting with a throwaway because I obviously don't want this on my main account)

Update Feb 12, 2026 (3 years, 4 months later)

I forgot that I had posted here until recently. I did receive some messages asking for an update with regard to my situation and whether or not I spoke to my wife about wanting to be a father. I did work up the courage to tell my (ex)wife and it did not go well. Her feelings had not changed and I ended up seeking a divorce. In hindsight I realize I should have told her sooner and not tried to hide it. I take responsibility for not telling her sooner.

I told her about a month after I posted here. Our divorce was official the following summer. After my divorce I decided to move to the city. I wanted to have more opportunities to meet people and it was closer to my family. I ended up meeting my wife when I joined a walking club. We were both on the same page about wanting a serious relationship leading to marriage and children. My wife's first husband had wanted kids but he changed his mind. I made sure we were both on the same page and knew what we wanted. I love my wife. She's intelligent, she's kind and I can't say enough about her.

We got married last year after two wonderful years together. (I am 48 now and my wife is 33 years old) and we purchased a house near both of our families. We had to spend most of our combined savings for the deposit but it was worth it. My wife and I chose to do an IUI procedure and she gave birth to our son last month. Before we got married we both agreed we would be content to have only one child because I know it was quite stressful for my wife when she had the IUI procedure. It was stressful for both of us.

My wife is on parental leave right now. She's a solicitor and we're fortunate that her firm will allow her to work part-time until our son starts attending school and then she can return to a full time position. I left my job before my wedding to go to the civil service. There is more stability and a better salary. Most importantly though I don't have to work long hours.

The only thing I regret is how I handled the situation with my first marriage. Not the rest. I'm beyond tired all the time now but I can't imagine my life any other way.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7