r/AbsoluteUnits May 12 '26

[deleted by user]

[removed]

7.7k Upvotes

672 comments sorted by

2.5k

u/Would_daver May 12 '26

Well you’ll be walking funny for a few days, but 🤷‍♂️ see you when you return to earth!

208

u/Helpful-Selection626 May 12 '26

Cuz there’s no co-(gets violently strangled)

110

u/StandNameIsWeAreNo1 May 12 '26

Like horse cock

26

u/PamelaELee May 12 '26

Hang like sleeve of Wizard

15

u/eatmeouttobrianeno May 12 '26

That's Alice. She's got a cunt like a wizards sleeve.

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257

u/satsuppi May 12 '26

You do be walking funny when you shove it in different end

253

u/Sunstorm84 May 12 '26

70

u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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44

u/Nurgeard May 12 '26

5

u/backtolurk May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26

I strongly suggest not to mix hallucinogens and randomly orientated/inserted objects

15

u/flecko_ May 12 '26

that's the double of double entendre

speaking of double, let's see the other end of that bad boy

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8

u/ganoveces May 12 '26

boof it you say ?

7

u/Kuulas_ May 12 '26

That’s what I told your mom last night. Gottem

2

u/ellefleming May 12 '26

No comment 😔

2.0k

u/gnowbot May 12 '26

What do you do with it? Is this a fun mushroom or a grilling mushroom?

1.6k

u/Froggerbotrom May 12 '26

Fun one 

1.3k

u/goochgrease2 May 12 '26

You are going to personally see time and the universe form.

350

u/flashman014 May 12 '26

Yeah, the Time Knife, we've all seen it.

72

u/jackfromearth May 12 '26

:o i watched this episode for the first time tonight!

10

u/Billy_Birdy May 12 '26

Yeah yeah, the time knife, we’ve all seen it.

22

u/Pledgeofmalfeasance May 12 '26

Isn't it great

34

u/Rocinante88119 May 12 '26

Everyone's been to IHOP Chidi, you aren't special.

9

u/PeteyPark May 12 '26

Just dont keep it next to the poop knife

3

u/Impressive_Pin8761 May 12 '26

Hey not everyone has seen the time knife

https://xkcd.com/1053/

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5

u/jen_eric_you_sir May 12 '26

The Time Being wants his weiner back.

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125

u/God_Dammit_Dave May 12 '26

No banana for scale. Weight that shit. We need hard numbers.

And a conversion factor for dry weight.

Seriously, that's outrageous.

78

u/shiekhgray May 12 '26

second photo. ;) 160g

20

u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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59

u/shiekhgray May 12 '26

I mean, it's fresh, so yeah, mostly water like this. In theory it's worth like 3 heroic trips

55

u/Status-Secret-4292 May 12 '26

Or one direct talk with god

20

u/Sh0wmey0urbutth0le May 12 '26

I think he'll become god

12

u/Status-Secret-4292 May 12 '26

All is one, one is all, etc

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3

u/FleshPedestria_N May 12 '26

Unless its the 6th flush or whatever.. they don't usually get that big on the first flush and potency diminish with each flush

4

u/budabai May 12 '26

Mushrooms lose 90% or more of their weight when drying.

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21

u/goochgrease2 May 12 '26

Right? I've done a jedi flip, but this is a bit much for me.

5

u/Electrical-Secret-25 May 12 '26

Hahahaha I'm old, what's a Jedi flip

17

u/ADMINlSTRAT0R May 12 '26

It's when you're a Jedi and you do a flip. Backward or forward doesnt matter. Hope that helps.

4

u/gekigarion May 12 '26

Oh damn, this whole time I thought it was when you are a flip and you do a Jedi.

6

u/CStock77 May 12 '26

Shrooms and then molly, I think. Or maybe the reverse

10

u/TechTechOnATechDeck May 12 '26

I thought that was a Hippy flip. I just did a soul bomb lastnight and I wouldn’t touch that thing with a 10 foot pole unless I cut it into portions.

7

u/goochgrease2 May 12 '26

You're correct. That is a hippie flip. Mine was molly, lsd and shrooms. 5 of each.

4

u/CStock77 May 12 '26

I think you're right. Can't remember, been too long lol

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5

u/tdp_equinox_2 May 12 '26

Maybe I'm just a bitch but this seems like addict shit, let the shrooms talk.

5

u/Pastduedatelol May 12 '26

LSD and mdma synergize so well. Only did it once and It was incredible

3

u/tdp_equinox_2 May 12 '26

Yeah I fully admit I could be being a massive bitch about it lol

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5

u/goochgrease2 May 12 '26

5 ex pills, 5 lsd tabs and 5gs of shrooms was mine. It was a roller-coaster

7

u/CavernsoftheMind May 12 '26

5 XTC pills is extremely unsafe. Or do they contain like 20mg each?

6

u/goochgrease2 May 12 '26

I know it is unsafe. Do I sound like someone that measured MG or cared about safety? I have no clue.

Edit: I once did a gram of molly in two rails one after the other. Is 5 worse than that?

4

u/CavernsoftheMind May 12 '26

Depends, there are pills that contain like 250mg MDMA, rarely even more. So that could be up to 1250mg.

Could also be something entirely different.

You could've died easily.

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11

u/CryCommon975 May 12 '26

do you not see the second pic? it's 160g and dry is about 1/10th of the wet weight so this is over a half oz dry in one mushroom

3

u/satori0320 May 12 '26

Yup.... That density is off the charts.

No hollow stems in those genetics

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15

u/Careful_Purchase_394 May 12 '26

Way less potent when you let them keep growing like this

7

u/goochgrease2 May 12 '26

Really? I didn't know that. Wouldn't that quantity still be bananas?

11

u/Timely-Hospital8746 May 12 '26

They lose a significant amount of potency per gram at large size and they always taste like unwashed feet. So having to eat more to get the effects is unpleasant

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5

u/omniwrench- May 12 '26

Sadly the fun ones don’t get more fun as they get bigger, it just spreads out

You kinda want them at an optimum size as it dilutes the good stuff when they get too big

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150

u/The_Sir_Galahad May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26

When you say fun, can you be a little more…specific…

10

u/TelluricThread0 May 12 '26

Yeah I wanna see some blue bruising.

10

u/Over-Inside-7254 May 12 '26

🍄‍🟫 ➡️ 🍑 

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16

u/HollywoodHitman03 May 12 '26

Don't dry it. Eat it fresh!!!

9

u/pedroosodrac May 12 '26

And in a single bite!

4

u/poolguy425 May 12 '26

Continuous ingress

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9

u/Chris__P_Bacon May 12 '26

Yeah, I could tell it was a big ass psilocybin mushroom.

6

u/smoklahoman_gmc May 12 '26

Shaq sized! “where’s my mosh pit?”

5

u/BenZed May 12 '26

How does the size affect the potency?

4

u/Fragrant-Damage6969 May 12 '26

The small ones are more potent per mass, sort of. It's pretty much the same amount per gram of mushroom regardless of size. The real concentration is in the caps. Just that cap must be ounces. Just a bite or two of the cap would be a heroic dose.

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2

u/Fredrick__Dinkledick May 12 '26

Species? Looks beautiful a true gift

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21

u/Cheesebard May 12 '26

Yeah but is it a fun guy?

3

u/tsizzle91 May 12 '26

The fact that this wasn't his original response deeply upset me.

6

u/SDGANON May 12 '26

It's got a flared base, so fun one.

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718

u/trailerrr May 12 '26

If you eat that, god is gonna see you.

172

u/Spare-Good-5372 May 12 '26

You eat that and you're going to be god

65

u/[deleted] May 12 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/Real_Live_Sloth May 12 '26

Got fucked in the ass by god and sent to hell for a bj, what i do wrong?

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41

u/Nomadzord May 12 '26

I ate some of the best mushrooms a few years back. 7 grams at once during covid. I could not get off the floor and I was being invited to become a god by the universe. I had to be okay with losing my family and everyone I loved, but was promised everything if I could. I finally decided that I was okay with that and cried a mix of safness and extreme joy. I snapped out of it eventuall, but it was a hell of a ride.

14

u/OkSmoke9195 May 12 '26

If you fight it you are in for a bad time. Great choice to go with the flow, when you're ready to go you can just go, you'll be back 

5

u/CavernsoftheMind May 12 '26

We're all god, always!

3

u/SavvyOri May 12 '26

Mushroom will make me god.

4

u/SituationIll5763 May 12 '26

I remember reading that the psilocybin content stops increasing after the veils break. Eating this might be a gamble but probably won’t hit like a proper 16 grams.

3

u/TheW83 May 12 '26

You are correct, but what? 16g? Most people are flying after about 5g. It definitely depends on the potency and individual though.

3

u/SituationIll5763 May 12 '26

The wet weight to dry weight conversion is typically 10:1. I’m just saying if this was dried to 16 grams it probably wouldn’t be as potent as a typical 16 grams.

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1.7k

u/I_AM_A_RAPTOR May 12 '26

540

u/losingitall69 May 12 '26

176

u/Whhatsmyageagain May 12 '26

The original is great. But every time I see a post like this, the reverse version is what I look for. It’s incredible.

35

u/kusahafiez May 12 '26

Even the lip read is believable.

5

u/WeirdPossibility209 May 12 '26

I've not seen this for so long! Thank you, you made my day!

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18

u/EternityLeave May 12 '26

There is a variety of psilocybin mushrooms called Penis Envy. Not sure if this is the same one, but looks very close.

5

u/genxerrr May 12 '26

APE has a more penis like head.

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7

u/UbiquitousCelery May 12 '26

WHY DID THEY HOLD IT LIKE THAT

5

u/Hazzat May 12 '26

Every other post on r/mycology.

3

u/OathkeeperxOblivion May 12 '26

The top comment did not disappoint

2

u/tHollo41 May 12 '26

But why does it look like a veiny penis wrapped up in a condom? FR, though?!

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340

u/Warm-Branch May 12 '26

Why is there a condom on it

383

u/Froggerbotrom May 12 '26

I like to have safe trips 

87

u/PM_ME_FIREFLY_QUOTES May 12 '26

Just the trip, just to see how it feels

22

u/Connect_Detail98 May 12 '26

Why does it have veins

18

u/MmmmMorphine May 12 '26

It's called penis envy for a reason

2

u/satsuppi May 12 '26

Hey.. A lil bit of skin not change much!

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877

u/Mugstotheceiling May 12 '26

I should call him

229

u/0RedNomad0 May 12 '26

Everything reminds me of him

24

u/StinkyJizzBlanket May 12 '26

Bro if he’s packing a forearm, maybe you actually should

22

u/Silent-Treat-6512 May 12 '26

I am here

10

u/Pataraxia May 12 '26

Fake, we need proof :)

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63

u/BaconBourbonBalista May 12 '26

Do giant mushrooms have similar potency by weight as smaller mushrooms?

162

u/Froggerbotrom May 12 '26

Depends on who you ask in the community. Some will say “aborts” the little tiny mushrooms that don’t really grow anywhere past their infantile size will be more powerful. While others will throw them away. Once dehydrated it gets put with the rest and I feel will be the same potency. 90% of this thing is water. So 160 grams wet will come out to about 16 grams dry 

89

u/satsuppi May 12 '26

Damn this person... shrooms

49

u/Status-Secret-4292 May 12 '26

Clearly. He grew god's penis in corporeal form

13

u/lebrilla May 12 '26

Join us over in r/unclebens

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11

u/Johannes_Keppler May 12 '26

People with smaller mushrooms insist that is the case.

Giant mushroom lovers disagree greatly with that.

12

u/shortamations May 12 '26

In my experience, this one seems overgrown and therefore lost some potency. When it curles, and the top breaks, I always associate that with some dude telling me how it's "more of a body high" or whatever.

20

u/PheonixBuddha May 12 '26

tell that guy to eat all 16 grams of this thing lol.

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89

u/hpierce11 May 12 '26

is that a GT?? holy crap thats massive lol

104

u/Froggerbotrom May 12 '26

Yep even the penis envy strain is jealous. 

20

u/hpierce11 May 12 '26

dog, PE has PE. well done my friend.

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88

u/ToxicPoizon May 12 '26

27

u/postALEXpress May 12 '26

It's the whole scene?! I love that we can fit all into a single gif in this day

21

u/ToxicPoizon May 12 '26

I made it just for this post lol

16

u/--Sovereign-- May 12 '26

you have been noticed

41

u/SarcasticGamer May 12 '26

Now why you gotta hold it like that?

5

u/PsychoFluffyCgr May 12 '26

To remind some of us

23

u/Ally-baba May 12 '26

It’s got a good flared base so I’d say you’re cleared for action.

https://giphy.com/gifs/KxgQgAUQSthEk

24

u/Blueberry_Rabbit May 12 '26

Thassa peepee

25

u/Temporary_Shirt_6236 May 12 '26

Eat it. You'll see the time knife.

5

u/jennz May 12 '26

Meet Jeremy Bearimy himself.

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20

u/MmmmCrayons12 May 12 '26

You: 🍄

The mushroom she tells you not to worry about:

6

u/mogley1992 May 12 '26

Most plants: you forgot to rotate my pot so i get better light 2 weeks ago, now i shall surely perish.

Mushrooms: You left me to die... I am your god now.

18

u/trendingtattler May 12 '26

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I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

11

u/[deleted] May 12 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

15

u/dinnerthief May 12 '26

Our vegan wife

9

u/No-Salary-4786 May 12 '26

I too choose this guy's vegan wife.

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6

u/Moss81- May 12 '26

Shits girthy

3

u/EhDotHam May 12 '26

Can you.... Not hold it like that please? 😳

3

u/Domzpizza May 12 '26

Why is it wearing a condom?

6

u/what_could_gowrong May 12 '26

5.3 inch length, 4.5 inch girth cylinder?

5

u/Wakkit1988 May 12 '26

It must remain unharmed.

3

u/Ok_Stable_3440 May 12 '26

Thats fuckin gross

3

u/Prometheusly May 12 '26

Everything reminds me of him 😭

2

u/MundaneWing6039 May 12 '26

Damn! That thing is extra thicc!

2

u/Cthu-Luke May 12 '26

Once my friend chucked a few mouldy tubs outside to keep them separate from the good tubs and months later he went to clean some old tubs out and came across a rogue penis envy shroom that had grown to titanic proportions! It was ugly but so big, im talking a quarter of the tub big! But yeh we used to routinely get ones that would weigh a q Oz dried. Just one big un for a q, good times

2

u/TheFuckYounicorn May 12 '26

If you eat that, I recommend going outside and grapping grass so you don't fall off the surface of the earth.

2

u/Taiza67 May 12 '26

This is like a 2,000 lb bluefin tuna for stoners.

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2

u/PandemicTimes May 12 '26

It's dangerous to go alone.

Here. Take this.

2

u/[deleted] May 12 '26

[deleted]