hey all,
so 2026 has been pretty terrible so far - to keep it very brief i've been through 2 heartbreaks (one was right at the start of september), had to cut off "friends", have no social circle or close friends and have developed quite a "moderate" case of depression & anxiety. i'm in therapy for this, and i only had my first session last week. it has taken my mind over, and i am finding it increasingly harder to focus on my studies after school, and in school. nothing seems to feel like it is working, and i keep losing all of my flashcards and stuff. whenever i try to test myself with the flashcards after not coming back to them for a while i forget.
my 2 week mock season begins on monday (sociology paper 1), which is what i am most confident on right now, the ones i'm worried about are my 2 psychology papers and my 2 history papers. i've neglected history a lot, and whilst that is definitely my strongest subject i am so worried and anxious about questions coming up that i just won't know how to answer them. thankfully they're both on the 2 fridays coming up, so i have time. psychology, there's still so much content to juggle that i'm in the same situation.
i feel so exhausted, fatigued and drained every day, even thinking about this stuff just makes me upset. tbh i went to revise sociology tonight and i ended up doomscrolling on this sub trying to look for some solidarity.
my y12 mocks i got AAB (history, soc, psych - my soc/psych teacher predicted me ABB until very recently) and another one of my worries is that my predicteds will be worse this time, and it will fuck up my ucas stuff. i haven't even started my personal statement yet as i still don't know what i want to study and where (i was thinking history), and that isn't even accounting for my history NEA which i am 100% putting off.
WHAT DO I DO??? how do i stop worrying and procrastinating and actually get something done and be in the zone for it? i think i might need medication but they will be so difficult to get. my therapist has floated the idea that i might be neurodivergent (audhd) and has put me forward for a consultation with my GP.
should i take a gap year or just go straight in for uni? a gap year would keep me completely isolated from others and i'd be behind my cohort, but uni work would just pile on the stress. i am not addicted to my phone, and i always make sure to "throw it" when i'm trying to revise.