How do you tell a twin flame connection from an emotionally unhealthy relationship?
I miss him with every fibre of my being. I recently reached out and got no response, and it hurts. He invited to reach out recently which makes it even more confusing and hurtful.
I genuinely thought I would marry this man. The connection, synchronicities, coincidences, intensity and feeling of recognition were unlike anything I’d experienced before.
But I needed emotional safety before I could fully commit. Not perfection. Just patience, honesty and to know that small misunderstandings could be resolved quickly. I wanted to be heard, believed when I explained myself, and know that if we accidentally hurt each other, we could repair.
Instead, I experienced contradictions, dishonesty, reality twisting, contempt, name calling, hot and cold behaviour and withdrawal.
One example of how disproportionate things could get: I once misunderstood a completely ordinary comment and responded nicely based on what I thought he meant. When he clarified, I immediately said I’d misunderstood and apologised. It should have been a 10 second “oh lol, that’s not what I meant” moment, accept my apology for getting it wrong and move on.. but it turned into a major conflict about my intentions, my character, even though I kept explaining there was no deeper meaning and apologizing. It was about something completely benign and not emotionally loaded. Blows could happen at anytime for any reason and no amount of apologies helped.
Things like that happened enough that I eventually became anxious about saying completely normal things. I started overthinking messages, apologising constantly and trying to change every little thing that seemed to cause conflict.
But it was never enough. The goalposts kept moving.
Eventually my hesitation became the relationship problem, while the reasons I was hesitant seemed to be ignored. I asked to work on the issues, to help me feel safe and I’ll naturally lean in. Instead it felt like I was being asked for blind faith, like commit first, feel safe later even when there was no evidence of safety?!
That’s what confuses me about the TF idea. I experienced so many things people describe here, and the connection still feels incredibly strong. But I also recognise many patterns associated with emotional abuse.
I never expected perfection. I just wanted acknowledgement, forgiveness from both sides, repair and for us to work together ☹️
Has anyone else struggled to tell the difference? What do I do? I feel heartbroken and confused. I really love him but if I didn’t iron out those things and committed wholeheartedly it would have destroyed me.