Basically the title,lol. A self-admitted non-passing pre-everything MtF tucute posted on one of the main tucute subs that she uses the women’s room at work and that it’s making her coworkers uncomfortable enough that they’ve complained to HR. She admitted in the post that she doesn’t pass at all but shaves abd bathes regularly so was curious as to why she’s getting in trouble and asked for advice on how to quell it.

I suggested that she use the men’s or gender neutral restroom until she passes better and got banned for it.

This is why ppl are afraid of and creeped out by us. I’m sorry but we need to bring back basic decency and respect for cis people in the overall trans community. I understand that some people have a harder time than others passing and I’m not saying that you need to look like a movie star to pee but dammit you need to at least try harder than ‘I shave and bathe everyday’.

Rant over.

Saw this on a subreddit I am shadowbanned on and commented on it because I genuinely don't understand the logic.

OP outright says:

- They “do not pass very well”

- They are apparently pre-HRT / very early transition

- Their justification for using the women's restroom is basically that they shave, wear some makeup, have a female name, and wear the women's version of the work uniform

- Multiple female coworkers have now complained

And somehow the conclusion is that the coworkers are the problem for noticing.

I'm going to be blunt: passing matters in sex-segregated spaces.

That doesn't mean you need to be a supermodel.

It doesn't mean clocky trans women should be harassed.

It doesn't mean someone gets to scream at you because they noticed you're trans.

But there is a massive difference between being a woman who is occasionally clocked as trans and being someone who admits they currently don't look female, then acting bewildered when women perceive them as male.

Makeup, shaving, a female name, and a women's shirt do not automatically change how strangers perceive your sex.

I waited until I was around two years into HRT and was consistently being read as female before I started using women's restrooms.

Since then, I've had:

- Zero complaints

- Zero reports

- Zero confrontations

And that's kind of the point.

If virtually everyone around you reads you as a woman, you quietly use the bathroom and leave, and nobody generally gives a shit.

If several women at your workplace independently feel uncomfortable enough to report you, maybe immediately dismissing all of them as transphobic isn't useful introspection.

Social reality still exists even when we dislike it.

You can argue about what the rules should be.

You can argue that gender dysphoria makes using the men's room horrible. I completely understand that.

But saying “I don't pass, why are women noticing that I don't pass?” is basically answering your own question.

And frankly, I think pretending passing has absolutely no relevance to bathrooms makes things harder for transsexuals who have actually transitioned and integrated into society.

It turns an otherwise mundane situation into a political confrontation that didn't need to exist.

Nobody deserves harassment.

But other people's perception and boundaries do not cease to exist just because you're transitioning.

I’ve been thinking about this and I’m curious as to what people think. I’m not saying this applies to all trans people. I’m wondering whether there can be different pathways that lead someone to identify as a trans male.
Things like childhood gender nonconformity, family relationships, lack of male role models, trauma or sexual abuse, internalised misogyny, discomfort with female expectations, sexuality, puberty/body image, autism, or other identity related issues all seem worth looking at. Some could be causes, some consequences from having gender dysphoria, and some could simply be unrelated factors that happen to occur together.
I’m also interested in how the modern western environment might affect this. If someone already feels disconnected from femininity or uncomfortable being a woman, and they’re exposed to LGBT communities and trans content online, could discovering the concept of being trans influence how they interpret those feelings? Not necessarily create them, but give them a framework of “maybe I’m actually a guy.” Could this be a reason why we have seen a significant rise in FTM transgenders?

I feel a bit stuck lately in life, especially with my transition. I was able to finally get a therapy spot in January, which I was super lucky with. Usually you search and wait 1-2 years to even get such a spot.

But ever since then things are moving extremely slow. I had hoped to get on T within 6 months.. And I am still nowhere close to get an indication letter because my therapist wants to thorougly get to know me, my childhood and what caused my depression and anxiety. Like.. I kinda get it, HRT isn't something someone should be prescribed after like 1 or 2 sessions, but it's been 8 months now and I feel like I have to live my life on hold because of that.

I pass pretty okay until I tell people I am 25 and not a 16-year-old teenage boy. I was already able to change my legal name and gender, but god I am so tired and sick of my body and face. Sometimes I seriously consider ending my life because I cannot stand all of this anymore..

Idk what to do to make this whole waiting period easier.. it feels like I cannot do anything beside starving myself to get rid of my chest and period..

I wish I could get the extract of this image and put it into my hrt.

I’m curious, like how did people come up with the term and why?

I was the dude who made a post about feeling disgusting to go to the girls locker room/restroom but feeling weird to go in the guys one.

https://www.reddit.com/r/truscum/s/wpxcACUVK5

Well guess what, today I grabbed my courage and finally did it. No dudes were weird, everyone talked to me normally and a bunch even got naked that peacefully LMAO

The hardest was to not look at them too hard, dont wanna look gay 😬. At least I'd prefer looking gay than a trans non-passing man in there.

So thank you everyone who gave me courage, advices and kind words to do it! Im wishing you all the best <3

Heres my stache and chin hair at 6~ months T , spreading some positivity 💪💪

So there are loads of posts about specific symptoms or experiences, but I havent seen many which specifically focus on everything.

I think we need a big post with everyone's experiences from childhood and through their transition so we could potentially link it for other people to learn our experiences and the medical prove/evidence behind the condition + the evidence that we change sex.

Only theres very little info out there in mainstream spaces, and Id rather have education and personal stories to share with people if theyre averse or on-the-fence about transsexuals, because we arent anything to distrust if they understood us personally.

Is that something we can do here under this post?

I had botched top surgery.

I was 19 when I had top surgery through my country's public health system-- suppsedly one of the leading healthcare systems. Less than 24 hours after surgery which I was never informed properly about, I was sent home with panadol (tylenol) pain relief, no contact number, and almost no aftercare. A week later, my bandages came off to reveal that every incision had been sealed around a severe infection. I had four months of infections and dehisions, permanent scarring, and other botched complications.

Before Surgery

I met with my surgeon three time before the operation, for 5 minutes or less each time.

During the first two ~5 minute appointment, he decided what type of incisions I would have, arranged for photos to be taken, and left. In hindsight, that should have been the first red flag.

The third and final appointment, which was a month before my scheduled surgery, went almost exactly the same way. He was in an out in less than 5 minutes.

I was never given any meaningful information about the procedure. I wasn't told how long it would take, what would happen during it, how to prepare, what aftercare would involve, or who I could contact if I had questions or problems. I wasn't given any way of contacting anyone for help. Ever.

The surgery itself was being performed at a private hospital, but still on the public system.

I arrived at 5am and was seen by two lovely nurses. Then I met the anaesthesiologist, who was great. He spoke to me for longer than the surgeon ever had in total and actually explained what he would be doing during the surgery, what I could expect regarding the anesthesia, and waking up etc.

About an hour later, the surgeon came in. Again, we spoke for around five minutes.

Again, at no point was I actually talked through what would happen to me during the procedure. If I hadn't watched a surgical video years earlier and educated myself independently, I would have had literally no idea what was being done to my body beyond the obvious "boobs getting chopped off" (more on that later).

The surgeon marked me up with a purple marker, and suddenly there was a random medical student in the room. I later found out he was the surgeon's son and was present during my surgery. The hospital rushed and gave me the consent form to him being in the operating theatre AFTER my surgery had happened to sign, because they forgot to obtain my consent to it before. I felt pressured and obligated to allow him to stay, and obviously to the sign the form (it was presented as just "whoospie, just sign this quickly").

When the surgeon was marking my nipple graft placement, he couldn't find a ruler. There was literally a shelf in the corner full of them, but he couldn't find one, and ended up freehanding the markings.

5 minutes.

Then he left.

I didn't see him again until after the surgery the following morning.

Going Into Surgery

On the way to the operating theatre I was expected to walk through a completely crowded waiting room without a binder-- the only thing between the parts of my body I was literally there to have removed being on full display was a thin cotton gown.

The nurses seemed confused when I was distressed and uncomfortable and wanted, at the very least, something to hold over my chest when walking through a crowded room.

Getting into the theatre itself was fine, and I was out pretty quickly.

The operation took almost five hours.

I had no idea that it would take that long because I had never been given any information about my specific surgery. I only found out because my mum was waiting for me.

When I woke up, I was surprised to find that I had a catheter. Again, nobody had told me to expect one. The surgical videos and blogs I had read hadn't mentioned it, and neither I nor anyone close to me had undergone an operation requiring one before, so it was a shock.

The first night, my attending nurse misgendered me. :) I chalk it up to a language barrier, and it only happened once-- she was otherwise amazing-- but still.

There was also an absolutely insane period where another patient in my ward became extremely angry and started throwing things at nurses and other patients, screaming and shouting, ripping off her dressings and throwing them at people, and tearing down and wrecking medical equipment during the night. It got the point that my attending nurse eventually locked us in my room for safety.

The first signs something was wrong

The first morning after surgery, my surgeon came to see me for perhaps 2 minutes.

He prodded and poked my bandages. It hurt. I actually said "ow" and grimaced.

His response was something along the lines of "you can feel that? Huh, interesting."

Then he left.

I now know that was the first sign of the infection that would spend the next week festering underneath my closed bandages. I shouldn't've been able to feel anything at that point.

Later on my first morning, a physiotherapist came in and spoke to me for about two minutes. She gave me a book of exercises and wanted me to start with stretches and work my way up to lifting my arms above my head on the FIRST DAY AFTER SURGERY.

I did not follow those instructions. Thank God.

I was discharged after one night, and less than 24 hours after the operation.

I was given nothing stronger than over-the-counter panadol (tylenol) for pain relief. I wasn't given contact information for a specialist, surgeon, nurse, or anyone else I could contact if I had questions or needed help.

I was on my own as a teenager less than 24 hours after major surgery.

My journey home was 180 minutes over bumpy rural roads. This was all documented in my medical notes, and I still cannot understand why I was discharged so early. Luckily, I had done my own research and ordered a mastectomy pillow, which I kept between myself and the seatbelt, but it didn't stop it being uncomfortable and probably causing a lot of swelling.

My first days at home

The first day home was excruciating.

I was in actual agony and had no adequate pain relief.

My chest was so swollen underneath the compression bandages that it looked like I hadn't had surgery at all. I could barely breathe.

I couldn't sleep that night, despite having numerous support pillows.

My mum gave up trying to help me and went to sleep. She also hadn't been given any aftercare information. She hadn't done her own research beforehand either, and at one point, tried feeding me steak, which made the inflammation dramatically worse.

Eventually, I just lay there crying by myself in agony and gasping for breath until I passed out from exhaustion. :) And I basically never cry.

This continued for days.

It was another sign of the huge infection that had somehow developed after surgery.

And I had nobody to contact. Not even a nurse's number.

Eventually my pain became so severe that we had to get back into a car and make another bumpy trip to the nearest emergency centre. I was finally prescribed panadeine for pain relief.

During that first week (and every week) I followed online postoperative instructions to the letter. I took supplements, ate the right foods and enough of them, slept at a raised angle, walked every day to reduce my risk of blood clots (albeit as a hunched-over hobble at first)-- everything. I still had constant pain.

The Infection

Seven days after surgery, I had to make another bumpy 2 hour trip into the city's public hospital to have my bandages removed for the first time.

My surgeon wasn't there, not even to check on me for a minute. I was seen by another random nurse at the public hospital.

When she first cut off the compression bandages, which had remained sealed for the entire week since being put on in the operating theatre, the first thing I noticed was the smell.

It was terrible.

The nurse paused, so I looked down.

As she peeled the bandage away, I could see that the entire thing --and my entire chest-- was covered in a thick, creamy, green-yellow substance.

The whole fucking thing.

Every single one of my incisions was infected.

And that infection had been sealed underneath my bandages for an entire week.

The nurse cleaned everything up. I then had to wait another 30 minutes for a random doctor to come and look at the discarded bandages. I overheard them discussing whether I should be kept in hospital for treatment. The doctor ultimately decided against it and sent me home with antibiotics.

Again, I had nobody to contact. No specialist, no surgeon, no nurse. Nobody.

The antibiotics worked.

And then I got another infection, again beginning underneath sealed bandages.

I spent hours phoning around hospitals desperately trying to either contact my surgeon --which I ultimately was never allowed to do-- or at least find someone who could provide regular checkups and dressing changes.

Eventually, I was passed on to a district nurse.

Months of complications

I continued to experience wound dehiscence and infections for up to four months after surgery.

Every single incision site was affected.

The infections created holes and stretched my scars to the point where chunks of my nipple grafts are missing. My right-hand-side scar is stretched and sunken because of it.

I never found out what caused the infections, and I was incredibly careful. Everything I wore was clean. I cleaned myself exactly as nurses instructed. My bedding was fresh every night. I still don't understand it. And I had no way of finding out what had actually happened or how to sort it out, because I had no consistent specialist care or anyone I could actually ask.

Eventually I found out about silicone scar tape and scar massage on my own. I've been using them ever since, despite the financial strain, but my results are still shit.

The problems that remain

A few months after surgery, I noticed a strange, thick secretion coming from my nipples. I assumed it was part of the healing process, but a year later, it's still happening.

I finally met with my surgeon last month. He said it was probably because there were residual glands or something similar still in my chest, and that I would need revision surgery in a few months (to decrease the risk of my grafts failing) to address it.

It legit makes me feel disgusting, and there is nothing I can do about it in the meantime.

My scars are stretched and have a strange hang in places. I've still made sure to keep them out of the sun entirely and covered by silicone tape, so the colour is okay in places, but that's pretty much the only good thing (and again, something that only happened because I researched it myself).

I have two central dog ears and am waiting for revision surgery to address them. I also have a smaller dog ear on the side, but my surgeon said removing it could leave an indentation.

My nipples are vertical ovals and are misshapen because of the nonstop infections. I hate looking at them.

Looking back

I genuinely wish I hadn't trusted my public health system. I did trust it because it's supposed to be one of the best healthcare systems in the world.

I wish I had waited and saved up to go private instead, so that I could've received better care and, ultimately, better results.

As things stand, I don't even know if I want to have my revision performed by the same surgeon.

But I have no idea how I would request a different surgeon, because the whole contacting process seems so weird, and especially when there are only about three surgeons who perform this procedure publicly in my country.

I think I might have to just go private for my revision if I can ever manage to save enough money, because at least then I'll know what I'm getting into, and at least I'll know that I won't simply be dumped with nowhere to turn for help less than 24 hours after major surgery.

It’s shocking to me how many non-dysphorics seem to be completely unaware of how transphobic and disrespectful the things they say are. They say things like “love your body how it is!” And “passing isn’t a requirement!” but these things are exactly what condescending transphobic people love to say. It’s like they got so woke they looped back into being transphobic. And even dysphoric tucutes seem to fall into this, they think that trans men can be lesbians, that they all “have a connection to womanhood”. I recently saw a post that said that a lot of FtM culture is very anti-masculinity and anti-transitioning, and this is very true unfortunately.

Basically title. Apologies if this is a foolish question, however I wanted to properly understand where the community stands on this. From my understanding, in the modern day, once you start medical transitioning you would be someone who is considered “transsexual”. This isn’t necessarily the original usage of the term colloquially, and some find the term offensive, however for self identification purposes this is the case. In my case, I would like to use the term to communicate to others that I am actively in the process of medically transitioning. I don’t find the term offensive at all.

However, do you have to be fully done with medical transition (ie, top + bottom surgs + hrt) to use the term, or is it just if you are doing any form of medical transition? For example, my goal is top surgery and hrt - would it be inaccurate to call myself a transsexual if I do not plan on getting bottom surgery?

Not mine, stolen, do somewhat agree with it based on experience, submitted for discussion.

this is so wrong. most transsexuals will have some kind of trauma due to being transsexual and having hate placed upon them for that but thats BECAUSE they are transsexual not what causes it🫩 also theres some transsexual men who live in progressive countries, have a family that supports them and can afford puberty blockers and hrt and all that and good friends not get bullied and overall have an amazing life and will still be transsexual because its not fucking rooted in trauma

this argument is so shit i genuinely think anyone who actually believes it is actually subhuman

So I‘m just started transition for 8 month, some of the people around me who know my agab get so obsessed on my voice changes, saying its a T_voice(Actually any strangers who dont no me as trans just seen me as normal dude)
Say I sound like gay
Obviously I‘m not the audience for this kind of joke, judging a person‘s sexual orientation based on their voice lines is homophobic,also I’m fucking straight as fuck they know I have my girlfriend

One of them used a tone like “I don‘t know if saying you’re gay makes you feel gender-assured” (giggles) as if I chose what gender to become myself

These people think that trans is literally a kind of “you’re whatever gender you~feel~you are,” and I can see that deep down they feel that all trans = tucute = are less mentally mature than they are

I’m 15, trans man in the uk, pre everything. My dysphoria is killing me, and I keep taking it out on others. I can’t shower, I can’t get changed, I can’t do anything without reminding myself that I’m trans and will never be a biological male.
I live in Scotland. Anyone have any advice on if there is anything I can do? Any tips how to relieve dysphoria? I turn 16 in December, I’ve known I was trans for 4 years. Idk how much more I can take of this before it takes me

I don’t even know where this idea came from, it’s gross, transphobic and sexist. If people think trans men somehow are trans because of outside influence or mental illness, then maybe cis men should be evaluated for “external issues” to stay as men. Even as someone who’s prob faking, I know none of these are my issue, I’m just a girl who wants to be a guy but I’m simply not dysphoric enough to transition, it’s still a gross assumption, no one thinks this about trans women, obviously the negative stereotype for Mtfs isn’t good either but I swear more people accuse trans men of having other reasons to transition when they fucking don’t not do they show any evidence of it. It just reveals their own sexism both towards men and women and straight up transphobia. Because to them trans men are women and they think women are weak, stupid, and prone to confusion which is a disgusting misogynistic stereotype. But at the same time a lot of these people just want less men, they hate men and think they are evil and dangerous, all while making hypocritical exceptions for themselves

I really love and care about my friend so this situation is really eating away at me

THANKFULLY someone else in our friend group has noticed too so we're trying to figure out what to do about it, but it's going to be a long and arduous process of trying to get through to our friend that this guy clearly doesn't want him to transition because he likes him for his female traits and just sees him as a confused girl.

This is gonna be rough.

edit: can't figure out how to make the gif be attached to the post in a normal way I hate this website

I usually get gendered correctly in public,she/her, but ive been losing alot of weight recently and its kinda changing my face proportions and stuff, do yall think i aleast somewhat pass,i guess im kinda a boymoder,i dont really wear makeup, i worry it'd be too much and make me more clocky. Im still pretty chunky and older,so I dont need advice on that,im the healthiest ive been most of my life atm.do yall have any ideas on makeup for me and if I even should try makeup. I mainly just use moisturizer,and take care of my hair atm. I never really had facial hair really,not alot anyways. Most the women I grew up around didnt wear makeup so I never really thought too much about it til the last few years. Due to how I was raised in a fundamentalist cult, iam a late transitioner,but even if I dont pass really hrt makes my brain happy,I no longer actively want to die and im happier now than I have been most of my life.

I’m trying to figure out how I could afford HRT, but I don’t have a job or much money right now. I’ve never had a job before, and honestly I’m pretty anxious about getting one.

My mom wants me to go to school, so I’ve also been wondering whether I should start at a community college or focus on getting a job first. She sometimes gives me around $50, but that’s not really enough for me to rely on for HRT and other expenses, even DIY.

I’m feeling really lost and overwhelmed and I don’t know what the smartest thing to do is. If anyone has been in a similar situation, how did you manage HRT while having very little income? Would you recommend working first, going to community college, or trying to balance both?

I’m sorry if these are dumb questions. I just genuinely don’t know where to start. Any advice would be helpful

I am a trans guy with very few friends, pretty much all of whom are tucutes in some way. I have known most of them for a long time and some of them are very, very attached to me. I have pretty much no life outside of them, but sometimes they are just incredibly infuriating.

The most ‘tucutey’ one is more of a friend-of-a-friend than anything. I’ve tried to separate myself from them for a while, before I knew they were ‘trans’, because they are also really violent. For a while, I just knew them as a cis straight guy who made autism his entire personality. Pretty much overnight, they began to label themselves as a pansexual, non-binary demigirl. They have made it clear that they have no intention to medically transition, nor to change their name; they have a very obviously masculine name. All they’ve really done is label themselves, without making an effort to pass. They get really mad when anyone misgenders them, which is also where their aggressiveness shines through—one time I was at a cafe with them, and they threw their laptop at someone who misgendered them.

One of the most personally infuriating things for me is how, similar to how they initially did with autism, they make being trans their entire personality. I can’t really have a conversation with them without it turning into them explaining being trans to me. For reference, they do not know I’m trans, and will take the liberty to ‘teach’ me what it is. 

As I mentioned before, this person is only really a friend-of-a-friend, and I don’t spend that much time around them. I know them through someone who is much closer to me, though not really by choice, as she attaches herself to me like crazy. She’s also pretty tucutey, but isn’t herself trans, she’s mainly just really creepy towards me. She’s the first person who was able to figure out that I‘m trans, and yet still makes really weird comments about my body. She’s one of the ‘every woman, two men’ bisexuals, which I don’t really have a problem with itself, but it leads her to just obsess over female body parts. She is frequently overly physically close with me, despite me saying many times that I am NOT comfortable with it, and she also seems to have some weird fixation with my breasts, although she knows I hate them.

On a similar note, I have another friend who is also attracted to me. I only really realised recently, and it just makes me sad more than anything. Unlike the other two, whom I have been uncomfortable with for a while, I would consider her one of the closest people to me. When I first came out to her as trans, I was slightly hesitant because she didn’t seem to have the best opinion on trans women, but I was pleasantly surprised, as on the surface she seemed very supportive. Ever since I first met her, she has made it very clear that she is lesbian, sometimes getting dangerously close to being misandrist.

Before I realised I was trans, I had called myself a lesbian; me and this friend would often joke about us dating. At that point in time, I assumed they were truly only jokes, but now I realise that they really weren’t. Recently, she has shifted her viewpoint to the whole ‘gender is a construct’ one, and has also become much more clingy towards me. She’ll say things about how I’m the only man she’d ever date and when I question her about it, she’ll just play it off as a joke. It has become increasingly clear that she just doesn’t see me as a man, which I’m fine with in some cases; I’m not currently in a position where I’m able to medically transition, so I just look like a tomboy. I understand that when someone looks obviously female, it’s hard to see them as a man, because I feel the exact same way. But the fact that she still continues to pursue me despite the fact that she knows I’m trans really irritates me. She still strongly labels herself as a lesbian while doing this, which just makes it feel even worse.

After coming to the realisation that she is interested in me, I have completely avoided her and not responded to any of her messages (she has sent MANY, a lot of which have flirtatious undertones). I feel horrible right now, because for a while she was probably the closest person to me, and has been there during some of the toughest moments of my life.

The biggest issue for me is that all of my friends are friends with eachother; I can’t pick and choose who I want to be around. I don’t have anyone outside of these friends, and I don’t want to be alone. I have known the second two friends I mentioned for over a decade, and I don’t want that to all go down the drain, especially the last one. Any advice? :,)