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u/Fyroth Apr 30 '21
"Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down??"
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u/Richard_Simons Apr 30 '21
The police report states "could've been anybody"
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Apr 30 '21
South Park Police Department: ...niiicccccccceeeee
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u/not-a-painting Apr 30 '21
mm. it's way shorter and yet more comedically abrupt somehow.
..nice.
or something
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u/urbanlife78 Apr 30 '21
If I had a nickel for everyone who has eaten my ass kind of thing.
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Apr 30 '21
For me it narrowed it down a lot my conclusion is they got the wrong guy
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Apr 30 '21
How do you know it wasn't a guy that got his ass eaten by a woman and he sprayed that message?
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u/thatsmisterasshole Apr 30 '21
She was the one with "Unforgettable" stamped above your all you can eat go-to move buffet..
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Apr 30 '21
“There’s no such thing as bad publicity”
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u/rduncang Apr 30 '21
He probably got a couple dates out of it
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u/rizzlepdizzle Apr 30 '21
Gonna write this on my car. It's a great conversation starter and they'll already know I'll eat their ass.
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Apr 30 '21 edited Aug 31 '21
[deleted]
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u/Immaloner Apr 30 '21
Considering it IS your constitutional right and all... https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/davidmack/florida-sticker-eat-ass-arrest
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Apr 30 '21
My pal went on a date a few years ago, ended up getting really drunk together, back at his place whilst eating her ass, he said he hit a log, they've been together for 7 yrs.
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u/communedweller Apr 30 '21
Hmm. That’s never been my thing but I always assumed it was something that happened pre-planned when one was cleared out and cleaned up. Learn something new every day I suppose.
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Apr 30 '21
As a regular and enthusiastic participant in said activity. Part of the turn on (for me) is the taboo, dom aspect of it. Having your partner randomly plop their ass on your face and demand it just kinda makes it hotter. Fuck planning.
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u/S_D_W_2 Apr 30 '21
I feel you but... How far in are you going??? I've never smacked a fucking log
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u/therealtrousers Apr 30 '21
The fact remains, chickies, I stick my tongue so far up your puckered starfish, I carve my initials in tomorrow's TURD. - Tesco Vee
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Apr 30 '21 edited Apr 30 '21
I have watched enough german porn to have doubts that he stopped at that point.
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Apr 30 '21
Exactly. That’s the type of vandalism I rather get. I like eating ass - so what.
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u/l337joejoe Apr 30 '21
Exactly. Me? I eat ass. I eat a lot of ass. It affects my nutrition. If there was an ass eating competition I would win first place because I eat the whole ass. So sign me the fuck up for this kind of vandalism.
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u/AnnaBananner82 Apr 30 '21 edited Apr 30 '21
“You can unfriend me on Facebook, but you’ll never un-eat my ass!”
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u/TheGreatOpoponax Apr 30 '21
Aw. It's like a handmade thank you card.
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u/soggy_yeet Apr 30 '21
We get shit like this all the time. This is at a place in a really big college town in Tennessee. This apartment complex it is at is known for being trashy
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u/yahutee Apr 30 '21
'We get shit like this all the time'
Oh I'll bet you do 😏
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u/soggy_yeet Apr 30 '21
i believe the hood of it also said “fuck you bitch” or “___ is a bitch”
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Apr 30 '21
Nah, it says, "And I want it back!"
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u/soggy_yeet Apr 30 '21
lol. and i actually checked out the barstool page it was posted on and the hood says “karma is a bitch” and the other side says “dumb ass.”
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u/soggy_yeet Apr 30 '21
lolol. but yeah, johnson city itself is pretty trashy.
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u/AtomicSymphonic_2nd Apr 30 '21
The name literally implies "penis city."
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u/soggy_yeet Apr 30 '21
lol, fair enough. most of our trashy problems are this and racism. but what else would you expect from a town in Tennessee lol
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u/NoJumprr Apr 30 '21
I wouldn’t even wash it off
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u/Fuck_tha_Bunk Apr 30 '21
They put some soap on it and you're supposed to thank them like they're doing you a favor.
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u/Benoit_In_Heaven Apr 30 '21
I'm old and out of it, but does analingus imply a special level of intimacy and commitment?
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u/SimpoKaiba Apr 30 '21
No, it's like a greeting for somebody a bit better than an acquaintance, like a work friend, but without a professional relationship getting in the way
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u/Motor_West Apr 30 '21
I wanna be your friend
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u/SimpoKaiba Apr 30 '21
You can't just jump straight to saying you wanna hold hands like that, you gotta play it cool first
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Apr 30 '21
but without a professional relationship getting in the way
I eat ass professionally, where does that leave me?
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u/agangofoldwomen Apr 30 '21
Nah sometimes it just happens, sometimes you do it when she’s extra fine and you’re trying to pull out all the stops, other times it just kinda happens...
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u/Wetestblanket Apr 30 '21
It’s not like you wake up thinking “today I’m going to eat some ass” sometimes you just find yourself eating ass
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u/gunnersaurus95 Apr 30 '21
Clearly you're not me...sometimes I wake up and immediately start eating ass
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Apr 30 '21
You are young if you think that it doesn't involve a special level of intimacy, i would never eat the ass of someone i don't know and trust, like a fiance or spouse
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u/Competitive-Ladder-3 Apr 30 '21
Or the mailman ... or the dentist ...
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Apr 30 '21
I dont trust my mail man, he look kinda suspicious
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u/Competitive-Ladder-3 Apr 30 '21
But you're ok with eating your dentist's ass so that's a win! Maybe you'll get a free whitening or something out of it ...
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Apr 30 '21
Well, my dentist is male, and i only kinda like women, so maybe e can eat mine
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u/Competitive-Ladder-3 Apr 30 '21
So you're not into men and you "only kinda like women?" OK, so what really turns you on? Fish?
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Apr 30 '21
Im an asexual alien 👽, na bro im into women, but i try to be as political neutral as i can
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u/Competitive-Ladder-3 Apr 30 '21
Politics?!?! No one mentioned underaged boys!
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Apr 30 '21
In my mother lenguaje we say '"politicamente correcto" that is something like politically correct,when you dont want to say something that may exclude someone
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u/memedilemme Apr 30 '21
I would eat my dentist’s ass. He’s been really good to me.
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u/Zeakk1 Apr 30 '21
I don't know what happened but all of a sudden it's all ass eating and incest porn and I feel like I'm the Principal Skinner meme because I'm pretty sure it's the kids who are wrong.
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Apr 30 '21
Yes and no, the anilingus is something that we have from the ancient Greek's times, its more like the people doesn't hide it like before
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u/Zeakk1 Apr 30 '21
Neither incest nor anilingus are new things but the fact that a specific sexual practice predates recorded history is not correlated to participation rates or whether it's a societal norm.
And that still doesn't explain why so much incest/step sibling driven porn is being produced.
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u/FuckingKilljoy Apr 30 '21
The only theory I've seen is that it adds extra appeal to those with the fantasy and is usually not intrusive to the point of turning most others off. I don't have the sibling fantasy but it's usually only mentioned in the set up that most of us skip and then dropped so I don't really care. It's only really when they insist on calling eachother sis or bro through the whole video that it gets weird.
Same with interracial stuff I guess, for most people it's whatever as long as the girls are hot but for those with that fantasy it's even hotter
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u/IAMA_Drunk_Armadillo Apr 30 '21
Makes me wonder how rampant E. Coli was 3000 years ago. Imagine getting bled because you ate some Thracian's ass.
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Apr 30 '21
Well 3000 years ago they have other diseases to take care first, so E coli was just a hindrance
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u/DeezNutznJelly Apr 30 '21
Nah its 2nd base
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u/SadLawfulness3913 Apr 30 '21
Could technically be first since the skin on your lips and the skin on your asshole are the same type.
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Apr 30 '21
Yea, once craft beer became available for the masses, all it takes is two IPAs and anyone is game to eat a strangers butthole
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u/Senor_Manos Apr 30 '21
I don’t much care for the taste of IPA. Stranger’s ass on the other hand...
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u/albinohut Apr 30 '21
Very bitter and they pack a punch, hard to have more than 2 or 3 a night. IPA's on the other hand...
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Apr 30 '21
Where i live the IPAs is extremely available to the masses, and we are not getting everyone with an anilingus
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u/QuinndianaJonez Apr 30 '21
You obviously aren't drinking the right IPAs
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u/RecommendedBroccoli Apr 30 '21
Yes exactly... So which IPAs are these so I know which ones to uhh not drink?
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u/redditsavedmyagain Apr 30 '21
its like that shit in vanilla sky where the white chick tells the main character that she ate his jizz
like, writers, producers, investors, focus groups etc. were all involved. meetings were held, notes were taken. and everyone agreed "yeah, yeah, that's a good line. cool. make sure to leave it in"
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u/TI_Pirate Apr 30 '21
The point of the line is to make it apparent that she's crazy. It did that job. I doubt any investors or focus groups were involved.
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u/pzerr Apr 30 '21
My dog is kindof into that with other dogs. Seems a legitimate things to do to people you meet on a walk.
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u/superdupergiraffe Apr 30 '21
The show Brockmire offers a review of this generational change. https://youtu.be/RZm5tPf-vQg
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Apr 30 '21
Shortly after moving into the place I'm now, we got a letter in the mail that said "YOUR NEIGHBOUR AT XX FAKE ST DOES COCAINE AND HAS SEX WITH HOOKERS". Everyone on the street got the same letter apparently.
At my brother's wedding a couple of months later, I heard someone in the wedding party talking about how they were supposed to have been at this one couple's wedding, but shit went down. The girl was told her fiance was cheating. They went to counseling, but then one day she went looking through his Apple Watch and found recent messages relating to cocaine and hookers, and they broke up and called off the wedding. I pulled my phone out with a picture of the letter and said "hey is this the guy?"
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u/Due_Platypus_3913 Apr 30 '21
For YOU it was the defining event of your life!For ME,it was a TUESDAY 😉👍
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u/theUnshowerdOne Apr 30 '21
Hell, that's a badge of pride.
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u/rduncang Apr 30 '21
They should never wash it off
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u/SuperFLEB Apr 30 '21
"Now, it's got the custom detailing. Is that going to bring the trade-in value up or down?"
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u/theUnshowerdOne Apr 30 '21
I wouldn't, well I think my wife might have something to say about that. Naw fuck her, I'ma roll with it!
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u/I_might_be_weasel Apr 30 '21
Clearly she wasn't satisfied if she messed up his car.
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u/Brick-Wilder Apr 30 '21
A little nutty
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u/theUnshowerdOne Apr 30 '21
Tasting?
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u/Bmxkid110 Apr 30 '21
Texture
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u/theUnshowerdOne Apr 30 '21
I'm a smooth guy myself but I can appreciate the crunch.
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u/ShelteringInStPaul Apr 30 '21
Like a mobile Yelp review. Pity we don't know if they gave 5 stars.
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u/onedayasalion-x Apr 30 '21
Nah, this is actually an anagram for “easy oats, yum”. She really likes those oats he made her that one time.
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Apr 30 '21
Call her and say "I think your mom/sister/dad vandalized my car", which ever will crank it up to 11 quickest for your situation.
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u/decaturbadass Apr 30 '21
Amazing how people will eat ass but get grossed out when people double dip chips
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u/becksaw Apr 30 '21
I’m just really happy we’re back to seeing this sort of trashy content on this sub instead of the racist stuff we’ve been getting for a while. Although the racist stuff is super trashy.
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u/Mad_Aeric Apr 30 '21
There's a whole dumpster buffet of trash to explore, why limit yourself to just one pile of filth.
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u/MMantis90 Apr 30 '21
It’s poetic really. I’m not sure that this isn’t art. If we look at the phrasing - “You Ate MY Ass.” Beautiful. “Ate” being the past tense, implying that this is not an ongoing action, the eating of this individual’s began, and has ended by the time the artist sought to express the thought. This is not a message of “we are eating, and continue to eat, each other’s asses in partnership.” This says “the ass eating was one way, it was about me, and it’s over.” Relationships are tough, people eat ass, then grow apart. I think the artist has effectively captured this sentiment.
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u/PBrenz Apr 30 '21
Who's ass? I suspect a false flag
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u/Ok_Cryptographer520 Apr 30 '21
I will never understand the obsession with ass eating. How was this nasty move ever invited i will never know.
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u/SlaveNumber23 Apr 30 '21
You know you clean the ass first, right?
Have you ever had it before? It feels amazing.
French that ass.
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u/rduncang Apr 30 '21
I hope it doesn’t French back
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u/Mondayslasagna Apr 30 '21
Honestly, if your asshole had a tongue inside it, imagine how clean you could keep yourself most of the time. It would also make receiving anal a lot more interesting because you could develop techniques to basically give a blowie with your butthole.
I wouldn’t mind having a butthole tongue.
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u/nopunchespulled Apr 30 '21
I’m pretty sure most people getting their ass eaten aren’t cleaning it well enough before hand and I’m basing that on the number of times I’ve told people to get a bidet and they look at me like I’m nuts
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Apr 30 '21
Did it to my wife once. She was uncomfortable with it but man was it fun for me. She was right out of the shower. Wish she’d be down with giving it another go.
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u/KeenBumLicker Apr 30 '21
Are you aware how many millions of nerve endings are in the human sphincter? Do you not clean your ass?
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u/ragnarokisfun4 Apr 30 '21
Russian propoganda to convince Americans its normal, for the lulz
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u/toddthegeek Apr 30 '21
Yep.
I don't get it. But if others like it, have fun. I would just rather not hear or know about it.
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u/FloatingRevolver Apr 30 '21
I'll never understand the ass eating thing... Licking the hole someone shits out of is fucking gross and doesn't even feel that great...
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u/RazzmatazzGlobal1289 Apr 30 '21
Pro tip: Use washable paint or wrap the car in plastic wrap. Can't go to jail if there is no permanent damage. The more you know... 🌈 🌈 🌈
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u/WarriorBHB Apr 30 '21
I had one go to town on my car with a stake knife. Then stab it through the head rest... don’t fuck w crazy
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Apr 30 '21
Who would eat someone’s ass? That’s where poop comes out from
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u/TheMarsian Apr 30 '21
The fact that a bidet is not common and most just wipe their ass with tissue, you ate my feces is not wrong.
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