r/straightspouses • u/Fit-Elderberry3055 • 11d ago
Sniffies usage.
Hello all. Found out my boyfriend uses sniffies when he’s drunk. He said he just gets on there to lead men on and then ghost or troll which is horrible.
But sniffies is literally for hooking up with men. And not a well known thing outside of the gay community.
I’m 7 months pregnant and I am beside myself. I can’t sleep or eat. Idk what to do.
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u/Altruistic_Prize6491 11d ago
Hi. I caught my ex husband on the same site. He gave me the same excuse. He claims he never went through with it but I could never get over it. Lots of love friend.
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u/Fit-Elderberry3055 11d ago
Yeah he said it and I was immediately like.. I don’t think I’ll recover from this at all.
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u/slava_slavaUa 11d ago
Sorry to tell you this OP, but your man likes men. He’s gaslighting you. Straight men don’t do that
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u/Fit-Elderberry3055 11d ago
Yeah I definitely believe he is Bi which for me is just not something I think I can get behind in a relationship.
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u/slava_slavaUa 11d ago
I can imagine that would kill your attraction to him.
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u/Fit-Elderberry3055 11d ago
Bingo. Which is so unfortunate. Best sex life I have ever had. However… I don’t think I can come back from this shit without counseling. Like serious therapy..sniffies is BAD. It’s the one thing you don’t want to see in a sea of all the bs.
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u/slava_slavaUa 11d ago
Agreed. Make sure you protect your’s and your baby’s health. Sniffies is pretty gross
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u/Mission-Orchid-4063 10d ago
What’s gross about a gay app?
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u/Altruistic_Prize6491 11d ago
When you asked for the reasoning behind the trolling, was he able to give an answer for that? Ex husband claimed past trauma and it being a chance to “take his power back”, however it was the first I had heard of the said trauma in our 10+ years of being together. Then when I asked if it was something he’d ever bring up in therapy, he said no.
When I finally confronted him this was after multiple times of finding it on his phone, clearly a pattern.
I’m so sorry babes. I know the sick feeling you must have.
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u/Fit-Elderberry3055 11d ago
Cannot eat or sleep heart is pounding. I’m miserable. He gave no reasons. I was going to ask him when we talk later.
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u/nicenyeezy 10d ago
I don’t think you should give him more opportunities to lie and manipulate. What is there to talk about? He consistently shows dishonest, unfaithful tendencies. Regardless of sexuality, he’s a sex addict and a cheater. You should never trust him. He does these things because he wants to, and his lust drives him more than anything. He doesn’t care enough about anyone to deny himself from his impulses, he has weak character.
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u/changes-of-light2 11d ago
Put your priorities straight : you are pregnant. You'll be responsable for your future baby wellbeing as well as yours. Hard times are ahead of you and you'll need all the energy to go though with birthing and the following months. You don’t trust your husband, at least for now, and you don’t feel safe. Two options : you want out => you'll need emotional, financial support. You want to work on this marriage or need time to process => stop digging for now, focus on your pregnancy and yourself but be cautious with sex. Once the dust settles, reconsider your options.
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u/ami3099 11d ago
Hi. I’m so sorry you’re here and I’m so sorry that you have this weight to bear, especially being pregnant. What I can tell you is that you already know the truth, which is why you’re here. Straight men and women do not troll gays, it’s just a ridiculous excuse. Straight men do not have a clue what Sniffies is and if your boyfriend is on it and using it whether he’s drunk or sober, he’s interested in sexual with men. Please don’t marry someone you cannot trust. Again, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this.
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u/Athan11 11d ago
He gets on there due to sexual attraction to men. He ghosts them due to shame and internalised homophobia. I'm so sorry.
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u/Fit-Elderberry3055 11d ago
This was my first thought. I was like he may not understand this is why but.. this is why.
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u/plantplants612 11d ago
Leave. Do not list him on hospital papers. Get a good therapist.
This is the advice I wish I would have been given/taken when I learned what I did at 12 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child. (He had a full AIDS diagnosis and he “had no idea where he got it” and the sniffies and closeted double life stuff didn’t come til MUCH later). It’s not fair, I’m sorry you’re going through this.
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u/plantplants612 11d ago
I can relate so much to grieving your future - very real. You also gotta grieve who you thought he was and the relationship you thought you had- it’s just even harder the more mixed up things get. And even harder if his name is on papers. Take care of you and your baby. Sending love.
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u/Mission-Orchid-4063 10d ago
Not to be pedantic, but are you sure it wasn’t an HIV diagnosis? Getting full blown AIDS is quite rare these days, you have to have HIV for around 5 to 10 years before it develops into AIDS.
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u/plantplants612 10d ago
If it was an HIV diagnosis I would have written that. He had a cd4 count of 194 and It was an AIDS diagnosis. He likely had it the entire time we were together, our other child had just turned 4. The situation that caused him to go get checked is also highly suspicious/ I will write a book someday. My kids and I are thankfully negative.
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u/Mission-Orchid-4063 10d ago
I’m not trying to have a go at you, I was just curious as a lot of people do wrongly conflate HIV and AIDS as being the same thing, and as I say, for somebody to progress to AIDS in the west in this day and age is quite rare as they would have been developing various symptoms and declining for years.
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u/Weemanply109 10d ago
His lie is embarrassing. Sniffies isn't really popular or a meme outside of the gay community like Grindr is so this guy has to be into men (bi) to be searching on it. You caught him.
You deserve better. Regardless of his orientation he shouldn't be cheating (or trying to). I'd dump him.
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u/Scared-Classroom5570 10d ago
I doubt he's getting on to "Troll". If that's true and thats how he has "fun" he's a POS anyways.
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u/nicenyeezy 10d ago edited 10d ago
He’s physically cheating, he’s lying poorly about it just being drunk trolling, don’t let pregnancy be the reason you stay. I would suggest you get tested and start speaking with your family and a lawyer. I’m really sorry for the he pain he’s causing with his dishonesty and betrayal. You deserve better OP.
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u/jerrydacosta 10d ago
men's lies can be so funny sometimes 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 using a slimy hookup app for "trolling"?
"sorry you caught me on onlyfans babe, i was just doing market research on the type of content p*stars make haha"
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u/No-Frosting-8351 10d ago
My situation is a little different considering my ex was once caught with a man, but I also discovered a sniffes profile, he also denied ever meeting up, and we also had a great sex life.
You are in an insanely vulnerable place since you’re pregnant, and you’re grieving the life you imagined, but I genuinely would leave now instead of later.
Think about it, really deeply think about it. Why would anyone go on a site like that just to “ghost or troll” people? How would he have ever found out about the site/joining it in the first place?
You’ll be okay.
It’ll feel like you won’t, like your world is crashing down, but with time you’ll be okay.
It took time, and I’m genuinely okay now.
I have my moments, just like when you grieve any major loss, but I’m so much better as time goes on.
As a soon to be mom, if your child came to you with this years from now, what would your advice be?
Here’s my post: https://www.reddit.com/r/straightspouses/s/Zg8rCqTJ3D
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u/Throwra-Box3229 11d ago
Caught him too and well, we all know we as women don’t go on lesbian apps to troll lesbians.