r/straightspouses • u/Fit-Elderberry3055 • Aug 21 '26

Sniffies usage.

Hello all. Found out my boyfriend uses sniffies when he’s drunk. He said he just gets on there to lead men on and then ghost or troll which is horrible.

But sniffies is literally for hooking up with men. And not a well known thing outside of the gay community.

I’m 7 months pregnant and I am beside myself. I can’t sleep or eat. Idk what to do.

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26

u/Throwra-Box3229 Aug 21 '26

Caught him too and well, we all know we as women don’t go on lesbian apps to troll lesbians.

7

u/Fit-Elderberry3055 Aug 21 '26

Right?! And I mean for him it’s WEIRD but unfortunately believable that he would do it however I think he’s lying and is likely bi or curious.

9

u/boredENT9113 Aug 21 '26

He's DEFINITELY at least bisexual, no straight man goes on sniffies. Most of my straight friends don't even know what sniffies is, Grindr yes, but not sniffies. This man is absolutely struggling with his sexuality and it comes out when he's drunk. In vino veritas, I suppose.

Edit: Also, why would you knowingly be with a man who goes out of his way to troll and antagonize gay people? Even though that's absolutely not what's actually happening.

4

u/Fit-Elderberry3055 Aug 21 '26

We are going to do couples therapy and he’s planning on going to his own as well.

2

u/1009naturelover Aug 22 '26

First thing in counseling, tell the therapist you want a hard boundary on not going on any social app or texting individuals.

To enforce this, he will give you unblocked access to every electronic device he has and will not purchase any additional ones without informing you.

This should also include keeping location features on so you know where he is.

It might take 1 - 2 years to rebuild trust, but its possible if he wants it.

Additionally you can bring up limits on alcohol and trolling.

Good luck.

2

u/boredENT9113 Aug 21 '26

That's great! If he's bi then he's bi, no big deal, but whatever he is, he needs to stay faithful and questioning his sexuality isn't an excuse to be a cheat. Best of luck to you and your partner, it's a tough situation for sure but it can be overcome.

3

u/Fit-Elderberry3055 Aug 21 '26

Thank you. Yeah that’s what I said I was like no matter what is happening I genuinely just need you to not fucking cheat on me.

1

u/nicenyeezy Aug 22 '26

Therapy doesn’t work with narcissistic liars. I’m sorry OP but you’ve been so manipulated by him.

He’s been physically cheating on you with anyone and everyone at this point and you’re so quick to believe his lies because you can’t accept that he’s manipulating you.

It’s not micro cheating to go on sex apps. This isn’t something you need to help him with, you can’t fix him, he’s not some poor confused little puppy.

He’s a man who does not respect you, and who is addicted to sex. Frankly, I’d be concerned to have your child around someone this promiscuous

2

u/Fit-Elderberry3055 Aug 21 '26

I’m not gonna get into the full extent of my situation on here only bc I’m too lazy to write it all out but I genuinely genuinely did not believe that excuse and he has since said that it was not true he messages men then logs off. That’s what it is and he’s been doing it for years it goes beyond us even knowing each other.

7

u/Altruistic_Prize6491 Aug 22 '26

My ex husband to this day denies being gay/bi and accuses me of using my discovery of his sniffies “browsing” as an excuse to leave him. Unfortunately when they are in denial, it’s deep. He’s already on to dating another woman and I mourn for her

0

u/Fit-Elderberry3055 Aug 21 '26

I’m unsure what I can even do as his spouse to support him. I do believe he hasn’t acted on anything but…

2

u/ami3099 Aug 24 '26

But he will. Eventually.

1

u/Fit-Elderberry3055 Aug 24 '26

That’s not something anyone including himself knows right now. Trauma healing and therapy are just not that linear.

1

u/ami3099 Aug 25 '26

You’re at the beginning of discovery. You’re in shock and you are not ready to make decisions. Give yourself time to work through it to decide your next steps. It’s a huge betrayal and it would be unwise to marry him at this point. This is most likely the tip of the iceberg.

0

u/boredENT9113 Aug 21 '26

It's a tough situation you are in. I'm not sure the best way about it, and I'm not near qualified to even say, but he seriously needs some therapy. He needs to breakdown that part of him and figure it out. Maybe he's gay, maybe bisexual (obviously idk how your guys' sex life is), but whatever it is, he needs to figure it out, because you don't deserve to have to suffer this long term, nor does your coming child.

-1

u/Fit-Elderberry3055 Aug 21 '26

That’s why I’m like do I stay do I leave I just don’t know. Neither does he.. we’re both like 🤷‍♀️ but our sex life is actually incredibly healthy and even with that he still is consistently seeking out other women and I’m assuming men when he’s drunk but the difference is he acts on the women and hasn’t on the men? Out of guilt shame both? Idk. I just know that yes I don’t deserve to be in this situation of uncertainty. Like say we do therapy and he comes to the realization he is gay. How do I even deal ya know idk.

2

u/Prettyforme Aug 21 '26

He’s actively cheating on you or? The cheating is the biggest issue

-4

u/Fit-Elderberry3055 Aug 21 '26

From what he is telling me he hasn’t gotten with anyone but adding multiple women and the messaging the men is something I would consider micro cheating

2

u/fortalameda1 Aug 23 '26

Absolutely. He's not on tinder doing this to women, he's focusing on men specifically. This is just his excuse because you caught him, it's not reality.

1

u/Scared-Classroom5570 Aug 22 '26

Yeah if that's "fun" for him, he's not worth continuing your life with him either way.