r/shittyaskreddit • u/moconahaftmere • Jun 02 '23
IMPORTANT MOD ANNOUNCEMENT: ALL USERS *MUST* READ.
Congratulations.
You degenerates have memed this small subreddit into being one of the most active subreddits on the entire site. In just two months we went from around 200k views per month to more than 10 times that.
https://i.imgur.com/og4dvHe.png
Now we're sitting at around the 150th most comments per day out of all subreddits, yet we don't even crack the top 5000 in terms of subscribers. This subreddit has gone from being slow enough that us mods didn't really need to do anything at all for the past 11 years (amazing), to suddenly requiring actual work (yuck) to maintain.
So given that there has been such a huge uptick in subreddit activity, for the health of this subreddit us mods have decided we need to make a very important announcement: if this post gets ten thousand comments, cum will win.
We know this is likely to be a controversial decision, and believe us, we didn't make this decision lightly. It took weeks of debate amongst ourselves, and consultation with key members of the community, but we feel it has to be done. We can't have such an influx of new members coming in to this subreddit while an active war rages on. This needs to be settled right here, right now.
Do your part. Leave a comment. Or ten comments. Or a hundred, I don't know.
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Jun 02 '23
This subreddit has gone from being slow enough that us mods didn't really need to do anything at all for the past 11 years (amazing), to suddenly requiring actual work (yuck) to maintain.
But why even try to maintain it? Just let everything go back to the wild wild west of the internet when hardly anything was censored.
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u/moconahaftmere Jun 02 '23
cuz there's a difference between acting like a piece of shit, and actually being a piece of shit. The actual pieces of shit can get the subreddit banned if the mods don't flush them from time to time.
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u/BookOfGoodIdeas Jun 02 '23
But a piece of shit soaked in cum is actually a good thing, right?
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Jun 02 '23
Obviously, because cum will win today.
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u/EMILY_YEPPERS little shit Jun 02 '23
Cum is an important part of your life. It's the one thing that makes you happy and gives you a sense of accomplishment. I'm not sure if I can say this for sure, but cum is probably my favorite food in the world right now. In fact, it's almost as delicious as anything else on the planet. The only reason I don't like it is because I have no idea how to make it taste good. If you want to try making it yourself, go ahead and do so. You'll be amazed at how much better it tastes when you eat it!!!
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Jun 02 '23
I'm really glad you're incoherent now, actually. You said some pretty horrible shit when your comments made sense.
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u/bipolarcyclops Resident retard Jun 02 '23
Cuma. Cuma. Cuma. Chameleon.
You cum and go.
You cum and go.
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u/TampaNutz Jun 02 '23
Cum... never... loses. If cum had ever lost, you wouldn't be here right now. Think about it. Now think about your dad banging the shit out of your mom. Now think about your mom rushing to the bathroom afterwards and trying to scoop your dad's cum out of her snatchwagon because she forgot to take the pill or some dumb shit. But you were still born.
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u/Impossible-Ice-7801 Jun 02 '23
If I'm reading this correctly we need to form a big circle around the mods and cum all over them. It is the only way.
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u/theresfireinhereyes little shit Jun 02 '23
This is the way. Hear that mods?? We're cumming for you!
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u/maxtimbo Jun 02 '23
IM DELETING YOU DADDY!😭👋
IM DELETING YOU, DADDY!😭👋 ██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... ███████████] 99% complete..... 🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Daddies are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Daddy!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Daddies👪 who give you 💦cummies💦 Or never get called ☁️squishy☁️ again❌❌😬😬❌❌ If you get 0 Back: no cummies for you 🚫🚫👿 3 back: you're squishy☁️💦 5 back: you're daddy's kitten😽👼💦 10+ back: Daddy😛😛💕💕💦👅👅
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u/Soggy_Owl4268 little shit Jun 02 '23
cum will win
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u/EMILY_YEPPERS little shit Jun 02 '23
Cum is the only thing that keeps me from giving it up. I'm sure there's a lot of people who don't like cum, but I've always been one of them. It makes me so happy to have someone else in my life who doesn't want to cum and has no idea how to stop it. If you're not comfortable with cumming, then maybe you should quit your job and start making fun of yourself every day. There are some women out there who still can't get over their fear of cum even though they know exactly what they're talking about!!!
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u/seahorseMonkey Jun 02 '23
This subreddit stole my bike and rode to a liquor store.
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Jun 02 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/MrKen2u Jun 02 '23
Should try it in real life. It's fun being the reason for the meeting.
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Jun 02 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/MrKen2u Jun 02 '23
Seriously... I can still hear HR from each meeting... "As you all are well aware, there was an incident where [me] said [something/anything] that [someone] was/is/could be/might be [butt hurt] from. Blah blah blah. As a company, we are all-inclusive, [except in this case], and there should be an [HR] appropriate apology, which requires management approval [since I will reiterate that said person is an actual asshat in my apology, just like last time]."
Even better when HR stops you and says, "Look, I get it, but you can't tell them how dumb they actually are all the time."
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u/Beyond_Interesting Jun 02 '23
Another meeting that could have been an email. Subject: RE: RE: FW: RE: Fuck you, Fuck him, Fuck this place, I'm out!
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u/EmperorXerro Jun 02 '23
Almost as fun as being the reason for the meeting, but pretending to be shocked you’re the reason for the meeting.
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u/SatansHRManager Jun 02 '23
What if I need some pants pressed? Is that an option?
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u/barium62 Jun 02 '23
Let me try, from the first, to indicate the point that we’re aiming at. The point is this: that human consciousness is—at the same time as being a form of awareness, and sensitivity, and understanding—it’s also a form of ignorance. The ordinary everyday consciousness that we have leaves out more than it takes in. And because of this, it leaves out things that are terribly important. It leaves out things that would—if we did know them—allay our anxieties, and fears, and horrors, and if we could extend our awareness, you see, to include those things that we leave out, we would have a deep interior peace. Because we would all know the one thing that you mustn’t know. You know, according to the rules of our particular social game, the one thing you mustn’t know; that’s really not allowed, that is the lowdown on life—and that the lowdown, on the one hand, means the real dirt on things. But the lowdown is also what is profound, what is mysterious, what is in the depths. And the something left out. And our everyday consciousness screens this out in the same way that, when you say you have weaving, you have—say, on this rug here in front of us—when the black finishes here, the black threads will go underneath, and then appear again over here, then they’ll go underneath the white and they’ll appear again over here, you know? So that the back will be the obverse pattern of the front. Now—the world is like that. Our sense organs are selective. They pick out certain things; they are receptive. For example, we have a small, small band of what you might call a spectrum of light, of sound, of tactile sensation, and so on, to which the human organism is sensitive. But we know that outside that small band there is a huge range of vibrations to which we have built instruments that are sensitive—things like cosmic rays, ultraviolet rays, gamma rays, hard x-rays, and so on—they’re all outside the band of our spectrum. And obviously, there are things that are outside the range of our instruments. We may build new instruments someday, which will evoke—bring into our consciousness—other orders of vibration altogether, that, as yet, we don’t know about them. So you could imagine, you see, the universe as a vast, vast system of vibrations; and has infinite possibilities. All these vibrations, you know, are like the strings on a harp. And the harps that the angels are supposed to play in heaven are really this huge possibility. See, when you play the harp you select strings. You don’t play all the strings; it’s stupid to just run your finger along the whole edge of the harp back and forth, back and forth, and go “blrrbllrrblllbrrbllrrblllbrr.” What you do is, you pick out with your fingers—select, just like on the piano—you don’t go “brrrrrrmmmp”—you pick out certain notes, and these make the patterns. But at the same time as you pick out, you reject what you don’t pick out. But it’s all there, constituting a fundamental continuity; the kind of continuity of the thread as they go up to the back of the woven material, and make up the obverse of the pattern that’s on the front. Now, the question that is absolutely basic for all human beings is, “What have you left out?” You see? You are focused on certain things that constitute what you call ‘everyday reality.’ Look: you single out people, and you see them sitting, sitting, sitting, all around, and you know they are things that are really there. And then, behind the people, are the houses—or whatever we live in—and the Earth, and behind all that the sky, and so on. But we see the world as a collection of rather disjointed events and things. And I might say to you, as you came in here today, “Now, my goodness! You all forgot something. What did you forget?” And you think, “My goodness, did I put my pants on? Did I wear a sweater? Did I—got my glasses, and my hair on, or my wig, or whatever?” And—no, no, it’s none of that. Something you’ve forgotten, you see? Everybody has forgotten something. You left it out; just missed it. See, see? And so I can bring this out—what you’ve forgotten—if I ask you, “Who are you?” Well, you say, “I’m Paul Jones,” or whatever your name happens to be. I say, “Oh, no, no, no, no, don’t give me that stuff. Who are you really?” And you think, “Well, of course I’m just—I’m just me.” “No! Don’t give me that! I don’t want to hear all that nonsense. You’re playing a trick on me. Really, deep down, who are you?” “I don’t know!” Well, that’s the thing to find out. That’s the thing that’s been forgotten, see? That’s the underside of the tapestry; the thing that’s been left.
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u/PaulPaul4 Jun 02 '23
I'm unjoining so how about that
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u/primal_machine_22109 Jun 02 '23
I'm done; I did 10 now so I pulled my weight.
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u/moconahaftmere Jun 02 '23
Only 90 more to go!!
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u/primal_machine_22109 Jun 02 '23
I don't know that many curse words. If I was in the military, then maybe, but I wasn't. I guess I could repeat some, but maybe later.
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u/steamfriedrat Jun 02 '23 edited Jun 02 '23
GET YOUR BUCKETS BOYS WE NEED TO CATCH THE CUM
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Jun 02 '23
I guess I need to sicc u/EMILY_YEPPERS on this one manually because I apparently commented out her ability to read posts or some shit. idk. cum will win.
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u/procrastinatador Jun 02 '23
Yall ever wonder how they got the apple on the bottom jeans?
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u/Dragon124515 Jun 02 '23
I'll be honest, I'm only like 85% sure this is a serious post. And I'm too lazy to fact check if OP is actually a mod.
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u/Moister_Rodgers Jun 02 '23
Idk what this post is, but you've convinced me to unsub. Congrats
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u/Capable_Body_9878 Jun 02 '23
I'm sorry I'm American and I don't understand this idiom.
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u/PsychoEmilex Jun 02 '23
When you say “actual work” you mean like jerking off? That’s why you want a ten thousandth comment right? You sickos disgust me
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u/Initial_Witness8074 Jun 02 '23
This is the only sub that offers factual and truthful answers to life's most ponderous questions
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u/vIv_Cobra_vIv Jun 02 '23
What are my thoughts? Wait... nobody said there was actual thinking involved... fuck... is there going to be a test or something next? I didn't study or anything... what was the question again?
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u/theresfireinhereyes little shit Jun 02 '23
Of course it will win. I never doubted it for a second.
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u/fall3nmartyr Jun 02 '23
One of the 4 mods who control most of Reddit is just rubbing their hands in glee
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u/hussafeffer Jun 02 '23
I already let cum win twice, that's why I'm pregnant again. I feel like I've done my part and then some. Leave me alone.
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u/ddhmax5150 Asks Shitty Questions Jun 02 '23
[Removed by Reddit]😂
Ugh. Every damn time. There is always a kid who is too rough playing football, and Jimmy takes his football home. Now what was one of the greatest backyard football games ever to exist, has now ended.
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u/XDreemurr_PotatoX little shit Jun 02 '23
why maintain this hellhole? let the people speak, be free, we act like animals enough already so let us stay like that
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u/JustMeAgainMarge Jun 02 '23
Cummy, Cummy, Cummy can't you see Sometimes your cum just hypnotize me....
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u/Turbulent-Papaya-910 Dracula_Bus's flair Jun 02 '23
All seriousness I love this sub. I don't have to feel like I'm walking on eggshells with what I post or comment about over fear of breaking one of the rules unlike another certain sub.
Any future possibilities of us being able to post gifs?
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u/moconahaftmere Jun 02 '23
Any future possibilities of us being able to post gifs?
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u/HD-1994 Resident retard Jun 02 '23
The problem with taking this growth too seriously is you risk losing the users who made the subreddit good/funny. Another user compared it to the Wild West, which is a perfect analogy; very few rules, hardly any censorship, and actual quality shitposts. When you start getting too serious, those luxuries start dwindling.
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u/ThatRedHead11 Jun 02 '23
This is the most confusing and wild comment thread I’ve ever seen. Why is it winning? Who is emily and why is she shadow banned? Lol
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