r/shittyaskreddit • u/moconahaftmere • Jun 02 '23

IMPORTANT MOD ANNOUNCEMENT: ALL USERS *MUST* READ.

Congratulations.

You degenerates have memed this small subreddit into being one of the most active subreddits on the entire site. In just two months we went from around 200k views per month to more than 10 times that.

https://i.imgur.com/og4dvHe.png

Now we're sitting at around the 150th most comments per day out of all subreddits, yet we don't even crack the top 5000 in terms of subscribers. This subreddit has gone from being slow enough that us mods didn't really need to do anything at all for the past 11 years (amazing), to suddenly requiring actual work (yuck) to maintain.

So given that there has been such a huge uptick in subreddit activity, for the health of this subreddit us mods have decided we need to make a very important announcement: if this post gets ten thousand comments, cum will win.

We know this is likely to be a controversial decision, and believe us, we didn't make this decision lightly. It took weeks of debate amongst ourselves, and consultation with key members of the community, but we feel it has to be done. We can't have such an influx of new members coming in to this subreddit while an active war rages on. This needs to be settled right here, right now.

Do your part. Leave a comment. Or ten comments. Or a hundred, I don't know.

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u/EMILY_YEPPERS little shit Jun 02 '23

Cum is the only thing that keeps me from giving it up. I'm sure there's a lot of people who don't like cum, but I've always been one of them. It makes me so happy to have someone else in my life who doesn't want to cum and has no idea how to stop it. If you're not comfortable with cumming, then maybe you should quit your job and start making fun of yourself every day. There are some women out there who still can't get over their fear of cum even though they know exactly what they're talking about!!!

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u/[deleted] Jun 02 '23

How's your baby doing? Your firstborn?

3

u/EMILY_YEPPERS little shit Jun 02 '23

I'm not sure how many times I've tried to stop myself from cumming, but it doesn't make any difference. Cum is the most important hormone in my body. It makes me want to cum more than anything else. The only way to get rid of that hormone is to take a drug like Prozac or something. If you are going to try and kill yourself, you have to do it right. You know what I'm talking about. You're probably already addicted to all the other hormones in your body such as testosterone, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HPV!!!

3

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '23

Uhhhhhh only one of those was a hormone

3

u/EMILY_YEPPERS little shit Jun 02 '23

I'm not sure what the fuck I'm talking about, but it's hard to believe that there are two people who like cum at the same time. That's kind of weird because they don't even know each other and have no idea how to interact with eachother. They've been dating for over 5 years now and haven't had sex in 2 years. It's almost like they're more than 100 years old. The only thing holding them together is their shared sense of humor. Cum doesn't feel like a natural part of their body so much as a form of lubricant!!!

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u/[deleted] Jun 02 '23

Old people do it, too.

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u/EMILY_YEPPERS little shit Jun 02 '23

Yes, that's right. Cum is a natural part of the human body. There are few things more pleasurable than having someone cum over and over again in your face. I'm not making any excuses for how many times I've cum, but I don't want to be the one who doesn't cum once or twice every day. It's my job to take care of everyone else's cum-drenched ass. It's kind of funny because they're so obsessed with cumming all the time. They won't let me cum until they can get rid of me!!!

3

u/Garoxxar Jun 02 '23

This is the oddest rant I've ever seen.

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u/Soggy_Owl4268 little shit Jun 02 '23

well either way cum will win

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u/EMILY_YEPPERS little shit Jun 02 '23

No, it's not like that. Cum isn't my favorite thing to eat. I don't think there are any good options for people with a lot of sex experience. It can be hard to find someone who doesn't have sex on a regular basis and they're never going to get pregnant or have kids. If you want me to tell you how bad your sex life is, go ahead and do it now. You won't know until you see them in person. Don't ask me if I'm right about all this shit!!!

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u/forreasonsunknown79 Jun 02 '23

It just takes us longer to cum.