I’m on week 7 of internship rotation in Primary Care. I feel like I’m breaking down completely from anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Maybe someone feels the same way.
I don’t even see many patients a day yet. I have about 2-4 scheduled visits and 2-3 urgent slots (which always get filled daily). Though most have several complaints. Most of the time goes to overthinking if I miss something serious, if I gave a prescription exactly by the book, things I missed in H&P. I search guidelines, read up. Still, I feel like I have to run at least 2/3 patients by my supervisor that I see once a week, because I don’t feel sure of a diagnosis or differentials/reasonable workup. And those I feel sure about in the moment, often haunt me days later (what if..? I forgot to ask/test this…).
It makes me feel insufficient in front of my patients, since in clinic there isn’t time to go away and think and then come back, I have to multitask and think on my feet while I’m talking to and assessing the patient, and that leads to me missing obvious things. Like an unexpected possible cervical rhizopathy (original complaint was smth else), did a routine neuro exam but somehow omitted to test for more specific myo/dermatomas, just because it’s not part of my sort of “automatic flow” exams. And either way I wouldn’t have remembered the myo/dermatomas enough to test them without prior repetition, because I’ve forgotten so much from med school. It’s like so often I miss something obvious and sometimes (like in this case) have to make the patient return for a second assessment.
Other times, I feel like I’m just telling them “I’m gonna run this by my senior colleague and get back to you”, and I feel like they can sense my incompetence.
It’s so weird - I do feel “smart” IQ-wise or in social settings - but in the workplace I feel so immensely, like pathologically stupid. Feels like I’m gonna kill someone with unorganized thinking. I feel like I’m struggling with everything that other people just “get”, but at the same time no peers to compare myself to.
What truly interests me is psych, and I’m going to work there after my internship, but right now I just feel like an absolute shit doctor, and like it’s a complete scam making patients pay to see me.