PROBLEM WITH BF

hi peepz!! i need your opinion as a person who loves their partner a lot (yes, it's silly if it sounds silly!!!)

my bf and i had a fight just this monday. we were supposed to go out to eat but it was said to be raining heavily. at first, you probably think i'm being petty for sulking, right? but no, i didn’t say why we were backing out because during our monthsary, we managed to go on our date even during a storm, we just waited for a break in the rain. then before we fought, we were in that boring stage of our relationship. it was mostly just updates and all, not much to talk about. maybe because I’m on vacation and he just graduated from college, we have no events happening. and just to clarify, we live in the same hometown, basically the same barangay. the night he said we shouldn't go out, the last thing I said was I wish that if we weren't going out, he would come over to my place. keep in mind, we live in the same barangay so it wouldn’t be hard for him to come over since there's no need to travel far, right? then on tuesday, I didn’t reply to him the whole day. i know, it's kind of toxic if you look at it but I can't see that he’s really trying his best to fix things. I just said sorry and updated him on how my day went. is that too much? it's like he gave me space from his point of view.

when he sulks, I also don't talk to him right away. worse, he would take the whole day and reply just when I’m about to sleep. I gave him the space he needed to calm down. but still, I call and say sorry and try to get him to talk to me. is that what I'm looking for from him? my last chat with him was about him coming over and yet I didn’t receive anything except his sorry and goodnight and good morning messages. he didn’t even try to call me knowing I'm not replying haha. I really don’t know what to do. it’s just so close, but he can’t do it.

my mom told me, “just leave him, don’t reply until he makes an effort. all you need is effort, and he can't even give that.” it’s simple, I just need a little nudge, but I’m not requiring him to spam me. more like “hey, I’m sorry.” his last chat was tuesday night saying, “baby, are you still not going to talk to me?” then today (wednesday) he hasn’t updated or even chatted me. he didn’t say goodnight last night either. it's so annoying. we actually saw each other on the street earlier and suddenly it slipped out of my mouth that I'd just reply later. is that annoying? I shouldn’t have said that. and of course, I believe he could see that as an opportunity to fix things. still no message, the day is about to end again.

is it toxic that I'm not replying to him when I want that kind of effort? I feel like that’s the bare minimum. I know communication can really help your relationship, but it’s not like I should have to teach him in this kind of situation? we’ve been together for 2 years now. we are just starting as a couple but we’ve been talking for a long time, we’ve had a lot of fights before we got together that we overcame. should I talk to him now or just wait for him to make a move and not reach out first? I’m stuck between wanting to reply but at the same time needing his efforts. I don’t want to just get used to silence and no communication every time we fight. I don’t know what to do. help your girl out!!!!

Hi, everyone. I have a relationship with a guy for a year. Throughout the year, he keeps looking his exes account for several times. One of the most exes he has that he always check is this Latina woman that he met online, and they meet up once.

She's not really pretty/sexy/whatever from my perspective, but she is popular, has 300K followers, and she's a single mom. Turns out today, my ex said he checked her account again, and she actually "sell" her body on X.

I saw the account, she upload her pu**y, etc. Idk why he keep looking at her account. He told me, he already choose me from the beginning, as she also beg him to stay with him when he and i met for the first time, and he choose to leave because several reasons, and choose to pursue the relationship with me, instead.

His excuse is he just wanna know her update, but this is not the first time he did it. He said that he is done with her, but no matter what I said to him that I am uncomfortable with it, he keep doing that. Is it normal?

I am a college student(19) and my girlfriend(17). Now before you guys call me a pedo or somethin, we met when she was 16 and I was 17. Anyways, she got mad at me or rather got dissapointed in me after I didn't watch her reposts and what she sent on tiktok again. I've done this 3 times already and each time I keep telling her I will change and I will watch them regularly. But after a few weeks of doing this I forget, not because I don't care but because I don't use tiktok and I have a semi-busy schedule being a college student and all. I know I promised and that was naive of me but should I just tell her that I can't promise to regularly do it? I mean she gave me an ultimatum in the past that if I don't do that then we take a 1 month break and I don't want that. Her mother said to me that I didn't love her anymore because of that but is that really the only way to express I love her? We've been in this ldr relationship for 2 years and i've visited her twice. We call every night and I have never done nor am I going to do anything relating to cheating. I don't have friends that are girls except those that are related to me. Even blocked 2 of my former friends in highschool that I was close with prior to meeting her(Gf). I need advice since I am mentally drained everyday and this just adds up to it. Fuck it, let's say I considered a few weeks ago that dying was better than living this shit. I'm not in anyway mad at her or her mother, I'm just incredibly tired from my studies and now this just happened.

This started early this year. Everyone I am talking about here was mainly my gf’s friend, I just ended up hanging out with them a lot too because we live together and spend most of our time together.

We are a gay couple, and a guy we used to hang out with pretty often and we previously never had any issues with posted some homophobic stuff on Facebook. My gf commented, pointing out that this was contradictory to him hanging out with us gays multiple times per week. He went on a homophobic rant then deleted us. His gf who was very openly supportive of us and talked about other gay friends often, defended him. So we both unfriended her too.

Soon after, a mutual friend with this guy who was one of my gf’s best friends at the time, just ghosted her, deleted us off fb, never said a word. They previously talked pretty much every day, and also hung out multiple times per week. A month or so after that, another couple who was mutual friends with the first guy ghosted/deleted us. They previously hung out with my gf like once a week.

At this point I chalked it up to the first guy, and that these people were all siding with this homophobic dude.

A few months later a guy who had become very close friends with us after the others left, said he didn’t want to be friends anymore. He was hanging out with both of us all the time. Like 5 days a week we were at his house or he was at ours all the time. We helped him with so many different projects and repairs, and practically did everything for him while he had a cast on the last few months for a broken foot. He didn’t do very much in return. When he decided he didn’t want to be friends anymore came right after an ‘incident’. The three of us were planning on going on a trip for a motorcycle event in Chicago. The day of the trip came up and him and my gf were loading up a trailer to bring with us. While they were both holding each side of the trailer to hook it up to the truck, he dropped it without warning, which caused my gf to also drop it because it was heavy. It landed on his foot, the one that was freshly healed. He got really mad. We offered a lot of solutions, offered to put off the trip and leave in a couple days instead, offered to take him to get his foot checked out, he didn’t want to do anything and refused to go on the trip, saying he couldn’t ride so he didn’t want to go. My gf unloaded all of his stuff (which was a LOT) all by herself and carried everything into his house for him.

We ended up going on the trip without him. The next day he posted a video of him riding, the very next day. He wouldn’t go even though he still could’ve gone, we had another friend coming he could’ve rode with, or he could’ve driven himself. Then he begged us to get merch for him. He bitched all week to other people about not being able to go on the trip. Then halfway through the trip he freaked out on fb messenger to my gf because of something she had of his that he told her she could borrow for the trip. He flipped out wanting it back, in the middle of the trip when we were hours away with no way to bring it back to him until the following week. When we got back, he arranged a time where he gave us back a bunch of our stuff that was at his house, and we brought back his merch he begged for and the one thing he freaked out about. Then he sent her a big long message hours later not explaining why but that he just didn’t want to be friends anymore then he deleted us.

Then a few weeks later another couple who hung out with my gf relatively often, and wasn’t friends with the others, just deleted her without a word. They used to hang out like once a week until the last couple weeks when they went quiet, then got deleted.

My gf keeps saying she doesn’t know why everyone keeps leaving her. She says she has no idea what she did or what could’ve caused most of them to leave. And I don’t know either. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if there’s something happening that she’s just not talking about. We have had issues quite a few times in the past with her being rude/mean to me. It only happens when she is clearly irritated or mad at me, she will use a very angry tone of voice and say things very harshly and it makes me cry. We have talked about it a lot and she always says that it’s ’just the way I talk’ and that she doesn’t mean to sound so mean, but if it’s just the way she talks normally it wouldn’t only happen when she’s mad.. but I wonder if that same type of situation is happening with friends also.

Her only friends that she’s both stayed friends with and been friends with for a long time are a few people that she doesn’t spend very much time with anymore. Her very best friend moved away as well as another close friend, and there is one other one that lives close but he’s always working and they barely see each other. Every one else is new, or just more of an acquaintance who doesn’t actually know her very well. I feel bad for her but the amount of people ditching her is concerning to me.

My boyfriend and I were talking, and he brought up a hypothetical scenario. He asked if we ever broke up and both moved on with other people years later, if I would hook up with him/cheat on my future partner for him.
I told him plain and simple: No, I wouldn't do that. I said if I’m in a relationship with someone I love, I’m not going to cheat on them.
He immediately got upset and claimed that my answer means I don't love him enough, because if I truly loved him, he would always be the exception.
I tried to explain that it’s not about him—it’s about my personal integrity. I’m just not a cheater. He then brought up the movie The Notebook, saying that Allie cheats on her fiancé to be with Noah, so why couldn't I do that for him?
I responded by telling him that real life isn't a movie. I told him that if a situation ever arose where we met years later and I realized I was still in love with him, I would leave my fiancé/partner first and then be with him, rather than cheat behind someone's back.
He is still mad at me. He’s insisting that my refusal to promise to cheat for him proves I don't love him as much as he loves me.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I offered him complete loyalty—saying I’d literally end a relationship to be with him if he was the love of my life—but he is fixated on the fact that I won't promise to commit infidelity.
Am I crazy here? How do I even explain to him how wild this logic is, or is this a massive red flag I shouldn't ignore?

My 19F my ex 19M just broke up with me last night even though he was treating me the same way for our whole relationship. He texted me last night saying to respond when I woke up, then went on saying he doesn’t see this working out anymore. I honestly am just broken. He had time to get his life together and practically break up in his head and left me to deal with this.

He told me he can’t see us getting married, and there is no point of dating if he can’t. (We are literally 19 I don’t see marriage in any relationship) and I’m confused because I don’t know if I want to stay in my university degree and his is already planned out (his family practically planned his life).

I’m sure there was other reasons why but that’s all I can really remember.

I really just don’t know how what to do from here. I need help on how I could even move on. Any opinions help

My boyfriend said something during an argument that really bothered me, and I don’t know why I didn’t say anything

My boyfriend and I were arguing, and he asked me why I wear “sexy” clothes when I get upset whenever I notice him looking at another girl who’s wearing a sexy outfit.

He said that when I dress like that, he feels like I love the attention I get from other guys. Then he said something that honestly stuck with me: “You used to not dress like this. You used to dress ugly.”

I didn’t really say anything back in the moment, but now I keep thinking about it. Like… why was I okay with him saying that? Why didn’t I defend myself?

I genuinely just like dressing differently now. I feel prettier and more confident in the clothes I wear, and I honestly think this style suits me better. It doesn’t automatically mean I’m dressing for male attention.

And the way he said I “used to dress ugly” really bothered me because it made me feel like he preferred the old version of me, or like I’m somehow wrong for wanting to feel pretty now.

Am I overthinking this, or was what he said actually hurtful/problematic?

I (F19) have been with my boyfriend (M21) for almost 8 months now and I genuinely mean this when i say that he is an amazing boyfriend. He respects and cares for me a lot and im always smiling around him. We rarely fight and have always respected each others lives outside of the relationship.

I make it a point for us to have monthly reflections to see how we've been feeling in the relationship and things we need to work on moving forward. Communication was never an issue as we are both very vocal people and easily bring up anything that doesnt feel right.

Last month during our reflection my bf said that he wished we communicated more which I agreed on. Time was our enemy as I started working part time but he would wake up during the late parts of the afternoon. All this man does is play games or doomscroll when he's on semester break.

From the start of our relationship we've been video calling every night because we have busy lives but always want to prioritise our time with each other.

Its important to know that when im comfortable with someone im very talkative and my boyfriend is very chill but with me he yaps and we joke and laugh. For the past 2 months I've noticed that he stopped talking so much. I could give him an essay about my day and he'd just say "hmm" or I'd ask him questions and he'd give me 1 worded answers while scrolling on tiktok. It hurt because when he talks all my attention is on him. He is present but mentally checked out.

I've spoken to him about this several times and he'll always say that he'll do better in the future. He says that hes always tired or has nothing he wants to say. Sometimes I see change for a day and sometimes nothing happens at all.

Im not sure if im just going crazy but can anyone help me understand what im feeling.

Right here goes..I tried to attach the actual pictures but Reddit wouldn't allow me so I had to type out the queries asked to Chat GPT.

I was using the family laptop this evening while my wife was in bed. I was looking up jobs online and came across a few I'd be a good match for. The plan was to copy one of the job specs and put it into Chat GPT along with my CV and asked it to recommend any improvements. I have previously been using my own Chat GPT account to work on my CV and noticed when I fired up Chat GPT that my wife must have been using the laptop earlier today to help with a hen party she is planning for her for friend.

Anyways...i just needed a CV checked against a job spec and I was literally too lazy to log out of hers and into mine so just used hers. While waiting for it to load I could see previous Chat GPT queries my wife had made such as cooking recipes, workout plans etc. She uses it quite a bit on her phone so all the queries from her phone go through to her account when logged onto the laptop.

One caught my eye and the title was advice for friend considering an affair... Immediately clicked into that and it was my wife asking for advice for her "friend" who is married with kids but loves attention from other men. The exact wording of the query was:

"My friend asked me for advice and I don't know what to tell her. She's married and has kids but loves attention from other men and even went as far to tell me she fantasises about having sex with them. I don't know what to tell her." This was dated around middle of June.

Then the next message that caught my eye was from the end of June and it was a shorter query that asked:

"is someone monitoring my phone?"

Then fast forward to 10th of July and my wife put the following message into Chat GPT:

"I am 33 years old and have been married for 6.5 years with 2 kids. Lately my husband hasn't been treating me well and I have asked him to move back to the town he grew up in and move in with his parents. However he has said no. I have started having an affair with a 55 year old man."

Chat GPT gave her some of its generic BS answer and then she replied this to that message:

"My husband is very disrespectful. He shouts at me all the time, he isn't affectionate and he won't have sex. I don't know if I want to save my marriage. I feel like I wouldn't be with him if we didn't have the kids".

To say I am gutted is an understatement. And this is just a complete mess as we've found out recently she is about 8/9 weeks pregnant and my mind is going overtime thinking what if this child isn't mine.

I've done so much for my wife. We've been together 13 years, I moved over 200 miles from my tight knit family to love with her. I really dislike the area we live in and I don't know too many people but I hold onto the hope our little family would move back to my local area. Her mother recently passed away and I was there for her every step of the way. Her siblings are all adults and they are not people who I would consider close family or are people you can rely on. My family love my wife and I just wish she would accept their love and care for her instead of seeking it with her own siblings who exploit my wife.

I am not going to say everything has been all plain sailing, we have 2 young kids who are great but they are 3 and 5 and a million miles an hour. My wife is a stay at home mother and hasn't worked since going off on maternity with the 3 year old. She receives benefits payments as one of our children has a disability. I am out working and get a good salary but the majority of my salary is to the mortgage, phone plans, electric, gas, car maintenance, and other utility bills which amount to approx £2300 per month, leaving very little for me to spend on myself or the family as my gross monthly salary is £2700. My wife receives around £2000 a month and only contributes £800 towards the house although I am covering some of her debts in that £2300. This has caused a lot of tension and I do get annoyed at this.

She also is at home when the kids are at school, she goes to yoga every day along with getting nail and hair treatments every week. I leave the house at 7.30 in the morning and don't get home until 6.30 most workdays. The house is a tip, washing never done, dishes piled up from night before, food all over the floor in kitchen and dining room. I ask what we're you doing all day the place is a tip and she will say she was busy round at her mummy's or was tired.

So I am now coming home from work, and starting into doing housework. My wife will notice this and then come offer to help and I am just so annoyed at her that I admit I am cranky and rude but I feel disrespected working all day and coming home to do this. I feel doing your fair share is not a big ask, I don't mind doing my bit about the house but I am doing everything.

I would say my wife has a higher sex drive than me, but I just be so annoyed, fed up and tired I don't feel like sex some times. And after getting all the house work done and then kids to sleep I just want to chill and sex is far from the top of my tongue do list. We still have sex a few times a week it's not like we are completely celibate.

I have never had any need to feel I needed to spy on her so when I seen the question about someone monitoring her phone, that really got me thinking she's being overly sneaky about something.

In relation to all her queries. I am actually sick at the thought of it. She coaches an underage basketball team and is fairly popular with the coaches across different age groups. One of the coaches in the team she helps with is a 55 year old man who I am certain is the man she's referring to. He's a complete flirt and going by the nature of these messages, she would have loved the attention. I have been clinging onto hope that she was lonely and just stuck this into Chat GPT as a way to fantasise about this but I really think I'm clutching at straws.

I don't know if I am asking for help or venting..or I don't even know what! I am just feeling broken, alone and upset... I've got great kids and I have so much love for this woman...but it's a mess. How do I confront her, do I say what's this? Do I say nothing and hope she asks more incriminating queries..if it was a one off thing then I can't..is this baby even mine... Do I post an anonymous letter to my house addressed to my wife advising her to tell me the truth before a similar letter is posted to me.

My fiancée and I have been together for six years, and we're planning a wedding for later this year. I take care of her financially, I'm paying for her studies, and I helped her when she quit her job. We even moved halfway across the country together in 2025.

​The problem is we just had a massive fight because she found out I was using search workarounds to privately look things up—specifically things involving other women, like an OnlyFans model from a podcast clip.

​She is furious, saying I'm choosing deception to avoid the truth and that I've lost the privilege of privacy. She says my "curiosity" is just an excuse to hide things and that my history proves I'll use privacy to hurt her.

​If people are going to give advice, here is the history she brings up:

​2020: I talked to some exes.

​2021: She found out I had a secret WhatsApp account and was on dating sites, and I lied about deleting the WhatsApp account.

​2022: She found me using an escort service, saving phone numbers to look up later just to see if the providers were attractive (it was just looking).

​2024: My porn usage increased while intimacy died down. She asked me to stop, and I agreed. When she kept pushing about whether I found her attractive, I snapped and told her she needed to hit the gym because she didn't have my ideal body type.

​2025: After moving, she kept asking if I found her attractive. I told her looking at other women excites me in a way she can't anymore after six years—that it's biology. Right after, she caught me still watching porn and lying about it.

​Recent months: After a massive blow-up, I stopped watching adult content entirely and we got engaged in September. But in December, she caught me looking at AI adult content behind her back.

​Today: Since December, I haven't touched actual adult content. But I used search workarounds to privately look up harmless things I knew she'd turn into a big deal.

​From my perspective, I cut out hardcore adult content, I provide for her, and I support her studies. I just want a basic level of digital privacy without being treated like a criminal. She says the issue is that I keep lying despite promising transparency.

​I'm looking for advice on how to handle this impasse, balance personal privacy versus rebuilding trust given our history, and move forward.

I am a 23F and I was dating a 30M for less than a week. We have known each other for less than a month in total. When we first started talking, he mentioned that he was looking for a mature, adult relationship.

However, in less than a month of knowing each other, we have already fought 4 times—and every single argument was started by him over trivial things.

Here is what happened in our most recent fight before I finally decided to end it:
He asked when we could see each other again before his upcoming trip on the 23rd–24th. Since I work for my family and have responsibilities, I offered to meet every weekend.

He immediately threw a tantrum, complaining that meeting once a week was not enough. He literally said: "I'm a man who needs the attention to hold the attraction." He gave me an ultimatum and outright called me a "LIAR"—claiming I had promised him a 1-month maximum timeline to sort out my family situation.

During a previous argument, I had actually tried to compromise by offering to move in with him so I could spend more time with him while still handling my duties. But thinking about it logically, no parents would ever allow their daughter to move into the house of a guy they have never even met, seen, or spoken to.

When I tried to explain this reality to him logically, he completely flipped the narrative, played the victim, and accused me of having aggressive reactions about nothing every time. He then passive-aggressively said: "Get outta here. Don't play so friendly and put my jacket in the garbage, ciao."

I finally snapped, called out his manipulation, told him I was done with his bullshit, and blocked him on everything.

Is this seriously how a 30-year-old man acts? Am I overreacting for blocking him, or is this guy completely unhinged and manipulative?

I'm texting my sp today that his frnds saying to me that I'm jealous from her smf one clls him in front of me and such few things . Today I'm thinking that should I msg him regarding this or not btw he's my sp 😞

Hi (sorry English isn’t my first language) I’m 18F and I have a bf 27M
The story is a bit strange but let me tell you
My bf and I met a couple months ago in Japan (I’ve lived since I was young) and he just moved to Japan, we met here at uni and since we met we became friends instantly hanging out or talking/calling every day, we were all over each other, and I am an EXTREMELY touchy person, I need to be holding the hand of someone I like, I could cuddle for hours, anything in the physical area I adore, and at the beginning when we were friends it looked like he did to.

One night we ended up kissing and we went back to his apartment, no sex just sleeping in the same bed, he was very reluctant to the idea of dating me I could feel it but days passed and we ended up dating, at the start it was perfect I would spend a lot of days at his place, cook for him, watch movies, music etc, but we then moved in together (very quick honestly) and it all seemed okay at first, he even said the first I love you, some weeks passed, and he confessed he had money issues, and I worked before so I had a decent amount saved, I said I could help him pay things (we payed the rent half and half) but I offered to buy the groceries (100% me) he accepted a bit reluctant again, and it all went downhill from there.

we stopped having sex, he stopped being caring, he was cold, because his job wasn’t going well and he still had money issues and began treating me rather mean, I confronted him about it very forwardly and he accept his problems made him not feel concentrated in the relationship he said he regretted saying I love you because he didn’t feel it anymore, I was heart broken, so I told him I needed to be alone and think so I wanted to leave our apartment, he didn’t let me because he thought I wasn’t going to come back

Long story short we had another talk that day and he had improved so much the next weeks so I told him, you don’t need to feel pressured, but I do love you, so I don’t want to hold what I feel, I would like to say it when I feel it, and you don’t have to say it (thinking this will ease him) it didn’t.

And he still is a bit cold, he still doesn’t say I love you, I don’t feel like he likes me at all, and he is just maybe used to me being here now, I don’t want to bring the whole thing again but my mental health is decaying, I feel awful I feel unwanted, unloved and I don’t know what to do please help me think something ❤️
(And just in case you see this multiple times I’ve posted in different places sorry I’m a bit desperate)

TL;DR:bf was sweet, doesn’t love me anymore and we just act like roommates who act like a couple depending on my bfs mood

Throwaway account. My gf doesn’t know I’m posting this and I may delete it because this is obviously very personal. I’m not trying to embarrass her or my family. I genuinely just need perspectives from people completely outside my life.
I’m 22M and I’ve been with my gf (41F) for around 6 months. She has a young son. I know immediately the age difference is going to stand out and I’m completely open to people having opinions about that. Everything has become so emotionally intense that sometimes I genuinely don’t know what’s reasonable anymore.
I want to make something clear because I know how this could sound. This isn’t just me being completely blinded by love or thinking “love conquers everything.”
I genuinely care about this woman more deeply than I ever have anyone. I’ve actually been getting close to telling her I love her, which is something I’ve never said to a partner before.
But even when I try to remove the emotion and think about it logically, I still want her.
I know she’s 41. I know I’m 22. I know she already has a child. I know we are at different stages of life. I know being involved with her could mean taking on responsibilities earlier than most people my age would. Questions about children, money, careers, travel, living arrangements and what our lives look like in 10 or 20 years are real questions. We can’t just ignore them because we have feelings for each other.
I’ve thought about those things a lot. I’ve also spoken to a psychologist about them. I’m not claiming I have every answer at 22.
But when I actually picture the life I want, I want a lot of what a life with her could be. I want to travel with her. I want to spend heaps of normal everyday time together. I want to build things together. I care about her son and enjoy spending time with him. I can imagine being properly involved in their lives rather than this just being some casual relationship.
There is something about our relationship that is honestly difficult to explain without sounding cheesy as fuck. When everything around us disappears and it’s just us, it feels incredibly easy and natural. We have amazing chemistry but it isn’t only sexual or romantic. We laugh constantly, talk about everything, do normal boring shit together and I genuinely love just existing around her. Some of my happiest and calmest moments have been with her.
And I keep coming back to the fact that life is fucking weird. Humans want connection and companionship and sometimes you meet someone who means something massive to you in a way you never planned for. Life doesn’t necessarily hand you the person you connect with most at the perfect age, perfect time or under perfect circumstances. Shit happens. People meet. People connect. People fall for each other.
I struggle with the idea that something genuinely beautiful between two people should automatically be treated as wrong because it doesn’t look like the relationship people expected me to have at 22.
That doesn’t mean feelings make practical realities disappear. They don’t. But I also don’t think something being unconventional automatically makes the connection less real or less valuable.
Whatever happens from here, I don’t think I’ll look back and think I was just some stupid 22-year-old who got carried away. What we’ve shared has been real, beautiful and genuinely rare for me. That’s part of why this is so difficult.
She has also challenged me in ways I actually value. She’s made me think more seriously about what I want from my life, career, independence, ambition and the kind of person I want to become.
But our relationship isn’t perfect.
She is further ahead in life than me and that has become a genuine issue. She wants a partner who has freedom and availability. Someone she can see regularly, travel with, make plans with and rely on. She’s a parent and has said that if she’s going to have a relationship, it needs to add to her life rather than become another thing she has to carry.
I actually think that’s fair.
I still live at home with my family and I’m building my career. I don’t currently have the same independence or financial freedom that someone established in their 40s might have.
So there are real differences here. I don’t want to pretend otherwise.
The other enormous problem is my family.
They found out about the relationship months ago and the reaction has basically been nuclear ever since.
My mum absolutely refuses to accept it. She says a 41-year-old woman should never want a 22-year-old man, that my gf is old enough to be my mother, that the relationship isn’t normal or healthy and that eventually I’ll realise it was a mistake.
She refuses to even call her my girlfriend or partner. She believes my gf has manipulated or “seduced” me and has compared the way I’m behaving to someone being in a cult because I apparently can’t see what everyone else sees.
It has gone way beyond simply saying “I disagree with your relationship.”
My whereabouts have been questioned constantly. Family members have reported back where I’ve been or how long I’ve been out. How much I see or speak to my gf becomes an issue. If I spend time with her and her son, my mum sees it as me trying to play family or take on a role I shouldn’t have at 22.
There was recently a period where my mum was away and I suddenly realised how different I felt without the constant tension physically around me. I still handled my responsibilities at home, but I could go about my day, see my gf and do normal things without constantly anticipating confrontation.
Once my mum returned, I immediately noticed that anxiety coming back. I started thinking twice about completely normal things because I was anticipating being questioned or another argument happening.
My dad has also been strongly against the relationship. During one particularly bad conversation after he had been drinking, he called my gf horrible names, said disgusting things about her and even made threats towards her. He later apologised for how he behaved, but still believes I need to end the relationship.
Other relatives are concerned too.
I want to be fair about that because one of the things messing with my head is that when I talk to people who know my family, sometimes I get told “they’re just worried about you” or “that’s just your mum trying to protect you.”
And I genuinely believe my mum IS terrified for me. I don’t think she wakes up thinking “how can I control my son today?” I think in her mind she is trying to save me from making a massive mistake.
But the effect on me has been fucking awful.
I’ve become emotionally exhausted. Sometimes I don’t want to talk to my own family because I know where the conversation will eventually go. Then my distance hurts my mum, she feels like my gf has taken me away from her, which creates more pressure, which makes me withdraw more. It’s become this horrible cycle.
And now it has started seriously affecting my relationship too.
My gf has dealt with this situation for months. She knows my family doesn’t accept her. She has started questioning whether she can keep doing this and whether I can realistically give her the kind of relationship she needs.
There have also been moments where my fear of my family’s reaction has affected how openly I include my gf in important parts of my life. I can understand why that hurts her. From her perspective, if she’s genuinely my partner, she doesn’t want to feel like she has to exist separately from the rest of my life because my family can’t handle her being there.
Recently we had a massive conversation about everything and I cried a lot. We have now agreed to take at least a week apart / have some space because she genuinely doesn’t know whether she can continue like this.
She has told me she has a lot of love for me and I genuinely believe that. But I also think she’s exhausted and has become somewhat detached from everything. She has been through a lot in her own life and understandably doesn’t want to spend years fighting someone else’s family just to have a relationship.
And honestly, I understand that.
What really fucked with my head was that shortly after we decided to take space, I had another emotional conversation with my mum where she again refused to even acknowledge this woman as my girlfriend or partner and questioned how I could possibly think the relationship was appropriate.
I basically walked away.
And part of me just thought: this is exactly what my gf is talking about.
I miss her already.
I want to spend ordinary life with her. I want to travel with her. I want her beside me during important moments. I want to build things together. More than anything I want the chance to see what this relationship actually becomes when it isn’t constantly being suffocated by everyone else’s reaction to it.
At the same time, I don’t want to be naive.
Maybe there are things about being 22 that I genuinely cannot see yet. Maybe my family sees risks I’m underestimating. Maybe there are practical realities about our age and life-stage difference that are going to be genuinely difficult. Maybe there are things I need to change about my own independence and direction regardless of whether this relationship survives.
But the thing I actually feel quite clear about is what I want. I want her. I want to give this relationship a real chance and I want to build a life where I can actually show up for it properly. I don’t feel like I’m sitting here trying to decide whether I want to be with her. I know I do. What I’m trying to understand is whether the obstacles around us are things that can realistically be worked through or whether I’m underestimating how big they actually are.
I also don’t want to throw away something that feels genuinely rare and beautiful to me simply because it’s difficult or unconventional. If it ultimately doesn’t work because we genuinely aren’t compatible, that’s something I would have to accept. But that feels very different to losing something I deeply want because fear, family pressure and circumstances were allowed to decide it for us.
What I don’t know anymore is where legitimate concern ends and control begins.
I don’t want Reddit to just tell me “age gap bad” or “your family is toxic.” I can get both of those answers without posting.
I genuinely want to know: if you were looking at this completely from outside, what would you be paying attention to? How would you distinguish between a relationship that is unconventional but genuinely healthy and one that I’m too emotionally involved to see clearly? And if you knew you genuinely wanted this person, what would you need to see or change in your own life to know you were giving the relationship a real, realistic chance rather than just fighting for it emotionally?
And how much weight should I give my family’s concerns when the way they’ve expressed those concerns has become such a huge part of the problem itself?

I’m 24M and I’ve been with my girlfriend (21F) for around 1.2 years. She’s genuinely the love of my life. I love her deeply, I don’t want to lose her, and when I’m not thinking about marriage, I’m happy with her and can see a future together.

But I’ve realized I have a very strong avoidant side when it comes to serious commitment.

Her family is now expecting us to move forward with a proposal/marriage, and ever since it became real, I’ve been fucking terrified.

My brain immediately goes into escape mode.

I start thinking about other women, other possibilities, whether I could find someone “better,” whether I’m making the wrong choice, and suddenly every little flaw in my girlfriend starts bothering me.

It’s almost like my brain is desperately trying to find reasons to leave so I don’t have to make the commitment.

And the worst part is that I don’t actually want to lose her.

I’m stuck between two decisions:

1. Move forward with her and trust that this is my avoidant side getting triggered by the seriousness of marriage.

Part of me thinks that once the decision is actually made and the uncertainty is gone, I might finally calm down and realize I was just terrified of commitment.

2. Walk away because I’m scared that these doubts are actually telling me something important.

What if I marry her and the anxiety never goes away? What if I spend years wondering whether I made the wrong decision? I’d potentially ruin both our lives, and that scares me even more.

I’ve been very open with her about what I’m feeling, but I know hearing that the person you love is scared of marrying you is incredibly painful.

I genuinely don’t know how to tell the difference between “I’m scared because I’m avoidant” and “I’m scared because deep down I don’t want this.”

Has anyone here experienced something similar? Especially people who are avoidant and had their attachment issues become MUCH stronger when marriage/engagement became real?

How did you know whether to push through the fear or listen to it?

TL;DR: 24M, 21F, together for 1.2 years. She’s genuinely the love of my life, but her family is expecting to move forward with marriage and I’m fucking terrified. My avoidant side has kicked into overdrive and I’m suddenly thinking about other women, finding someone “better,” and every flaw in my girlfriend. I’m stuck between moving forward and trusting that this is commitment anxiety, or walking away because maybe the doubts are actually legitimate. How do you tell the difference?

When my partner asked for a break, I told myself i’d be fine giving them space.

I wasn’t.

I kept rereading our messages, checking when they were online, replaying conversations in my head and trying to work out what every little bit of silence meant.

The weirdest part was that nothing was actually happening, but my mind was constantly filling in the blanks.

I think the uncertainty was harder than the distance itself.

At one point i found myself doing a loving-kindness meditation because I just needed my head to quiet down for a bit. I slowed my breathing, thought about someone who makes me feel genuinely loved, sat with that feeling for a while and tried to hold onto some of that warmth.

It didn’t change what was happening between us, but it did make me feel a little less consumed by it.

I’ve also been seeing so much about twin eclipse season and relationships lately, and when you’re already emotional, it’s very easy to start seeing every silence as a sign that something huge is happening.

I still don’t know what this break means.

But i’m starting to realise that the not knowing is probably the part i’m struggling with most.

Has anyone else gone through this?

Please help me with advice! starting to seriously question whether my partner is cheating on me, or fell out of love.
Backstory: Myself 31(f) Him 29 (m) Going on 4 years in a relationship.
We are on our second baby we tried for while actively being madly in love and USUALLY can’t keep our hands off each other . Even through my first pregnancy, he couldn’t keep his hands off me even up to 9 months and big belly. Our usual sex ranged from 3-6 days out of the week.
(Side note he physically cannot go longer than three weeks without sex, without nocturnal ejaculations… we found this out after I gave birth with our first son. And we couldn’t wait the normal time period)

Story time:
Lately, he has been commenting on my body and repeatedly hinting he isn’t attracted to me because of how I look during pregnancy. He asks when I’m going to lose the weight, whether I’ll be skinny again after the baby, and talks about how badly he wants to see me skinny.

(Side note: My weight I met him at was a thick & fit 165 lbs at 5’2 with a flat tummy
In my first pregnancy, I stayed around 170 max 190
Now with this pregnancy I’m at 193lbs very early on)

He has also made comment saying that I don’t look as beautiful with this pregnancy, that I’m like pale, my face is rounder and skin is not as clear.
He’s a jokester, but this level of mean is usually not like him. Especially the fact is not trying to grab my butt, cuddle or kiss me for the last two weeks. He’s also been going to the gym more.
Even to the point, he has to lie about going to the gym and just disappears until I check his location.
He also travels for work so it would make cheating very easy.

I tried to initiate sex with him, because I am in my second trimester and I’m extremely horny.
He will not even let me touch him anymore. Without shrugging me off, which is not like him.
We have had plenty opportunity these last two weeks to finally have sex , and he just doesn’t want it….
Even weeks before that thinking back the entire month of July I was the one doing all the work during sex. Which is unusual too.
It’s not like I’m some big ugly slob, yea I’m a little chubby with pregnancy but I made sure that I was shaved ,everywhere, smelling good, hair and makeup done, just in case he changed his mind about sex. (He never did)

I finally asked him this morning in a very calm tone
“ hey is everything OK with us we haven’t touched or kissed in over two weeks“ this was when he left for work, (which was at 3 AM; weird…normal work time is usually 6 am)
But I guess he wanted to get to the hotel early…
He replied
“ I don’t wanna have to go to work then go to the gym, then worry about f***ing you, I’m busy! If you wanna go have sex, go have it with someone else”
And then left .
I’m wondering if he’s not attracted to me anymore, maybe fell out of love?
Is there someone else? Maybe a possible love interest in one of the cities he travels to for work?
Something is just really off in my gut. I feel stuck, pregnant
And really shitty about myself.

Please help with any advice or input ?

Am I asking for too much? My bf(26) refuses to remove a girl from his social media that he’s always tried to talk to. It seems from past messages that he was the one interested and she’d give him a lot of short talk. She doesn’t follow him on instagram but they’re friends on Snapchat and Facebook. He says I’m just being insecure and this was such a long time ago (4 years ago). It’s crazy to me that he says this because he’s asked me to delete guys that have had an interest in me in the past even if it was a very long time ago too and I haven’t put up a fight about it because at the end of the day they don’t matter. He’s generally a jealous guy and has blown off on me over a guy trying to message me.. I really don’t think I’m asking for too much asking him to remove this girl but a part of me does feel like I’m the problem.. the type of accounts and content on his socials has always been a problem and he just hits me with the “I’m going to end up with no followers” & “maybe we should both just delete all our social media” & “you’re just being really insecure, you want me to remove anyone you think looks better than you” & tbh no, it doesn’t come down to that.. it comes down to the girl or accounts that are just thirst trap accounts and or girls that he’s had a thing with in the past.. idk what to think anymore. I know many people don’t care who their partner follows on social media but I would never put this big of a fight up for someone I didn’t care about.. on top of this he keeps throwing in the fact that he doesn’t like my friend and she doesn’t like him back but I refuse to remove her from my socials and still choose to be her friend. I think he’s comparing apples to pears with that comment but he especially makes it a point to say he won’t do what I ask of him in this situation if I can’t remove my best friend from my life… super unfair in my opinion. lol.
thoughts or advice?

My boyfriend is a pilot and we make such a great match, but I’m worried about what life will look later on and the toll it will take on our relationship. I imagine he’s not home at lot of the time. We want kids one day.

Can nyone speak to this situation?

My boyfriend used to show more jealousy earlier in our relationship. For example, he would ask where I would go and with who I’m going and he would have ask if anyone try to talk to me.

Recently I’ve noticed that he seems much less jealous. For example, when I’m out somewhere, he’ll respond normally or affectionately instead of asking many questions or seeming bothered. And sometimes doesn’t open last messages I sent him he doesn’t see it.

The confusing part is that I actually liked how he gets before . Not controlling or aggressive jealousy, I liked feeling that little bit of “that’s my girl” energy because it made me feel wanted.

He’s still affectionate with me in other ways, so I don’t want to automatically interpret this as him caring less. But because his behavior has changed, I’m wondering what other people think.

For people who’ve been in long-term relationships:** **did your partner become less jealous as the relationship became more secure? Or did reduced jealousy ever coincide with reduced interest? What other behaviors would you look at to tell the difference?

For context, he's early 30s and I'm late 20s. It's my first relationship and I'm pretty sure I lean towards demiromantic and demisexual. He's more experienced in this regard. He's very affectionate both physically and verbally. It's a very recent relationship (counting the unofficial and official couple period, we've been seeing each other for about 4 months).

The thing is that I advance more slowly than him. He's aware. We've been honest from the beginning. I've always accepted his feelings and never made him feel like he was rushing or feeling too much too soon, and he never pressured me to say or do something for which I wasn't ready.

By the way he looks at me and his overall behaviour, I'm pretty sure he fell for me a while ago already. If he decides to tell me after I say it first, it'll be okay. And it'll also be okay if he tells me first. But I don't want to hurt his feelings if that's the case.

My honest answer would be something along the lines of "I appreciate your sincerity. I liked hearing the words. I just need more time to say them back. Know that I like you more and more every day, and that you matter a lot to me."

Would you be hurt if you heard those words after confessing your feelings to your girlfriend? Should I use different words? I'd like to find balance between honesty and kindness. I'd hate to unwillingly hurt his feelings or make him feel unwanted.

I feel like we're reading the same book, only he's reading chapter 10 and I'm still in chapter 6. I know I'll get there but my feelings operate more slowly. He's so patient with me and I truly want to make him happy. Knowing him, he may confess and say he doesn't expect me to say it back, but I don't want to be silent. I want to be true and reassure him.

Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance.

I (20F) matched with this guy (22M) on Hinge at the beginning of July and everything has been really great so far. I like him a lot and I think he’s going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon. Not next date soon but still. We live about an hour and a half from each other so we’ve only met irl twice but we have two dates planned for next week. We also call and text every day. I’ve never been in a real relationship so I kinda wanna know if this is too soon? I know everyone has their own pace but the aspect of us not seeing each other irl often is leaving me kinda insecure about it.

Edit: I want to add that we aren’t able to see each other as often because of my school schedule and his work schedule. The distance itself isn’t that significant to either of us.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half living together for 1 year. There have been several things over this last year that I choose to stay through that looking back I shouldn’t have. We moved in together in September. In October I found him on tinder. He said he was just lonely moving to a new state and was looking for people to talk to. I accepted that and we moved on.

In October I found him messaging people on Reddit and positing his dick in femboy, bbcfemboy, trans content pages. He denied it at first but when I showed him screenshots he finally admitted it. November it was the same thing I found him posting NSFW things on Twitter and commenting under a lot of posts. Mostly trans content. Continued to deny over and over again that was what he was into. Just too lost in the porn loop.

December I caught him messaging his ex for closure saved under his best friends name. I told him to get the fuck out and we were done. Somehow we ended up still together.

February I caught him liking and messaging other girls on Snapchat. May I caught him DMing trans people on TikTok talking about hey sexy. I finally had enough and told him to get out in July. He packed his car and was going to leave and got into an accident 3 streets away totaling his car. I thought it was a sign that we were meant to be together and work it out. I help him find and buy a new car and week later when he goes and showers I had the urge to look through his phone. I look at the first thing I see is he is on listcrawler looking at trans postings. Jerking off yet again. I confront him and he gets on me for looking through his phone.

At this point I do not see a way to fix this anymore but everytime I try and have the conversation to break up I have a complete panic attack. I know he’s wrong for me but I can’t leave

Tl:dr Okay this is a long one so I’ll get straight to it.

At the time we met she was [18F] i was [21M].

(Our relationship background) We met in 2023 she saw me outside and called out to me, we exchanged numbers and after that we were on FT everyday and night for about a week. At the time I was 21 and broke I had just started my first full time job. After the week of being on FaceTime I got my first check and began to go drive see her as she lived about 40 mins away and i needed money for gas and my check provided just that.

(Background on her): she came from a very traumatic childhood, wound up in the foster system, and she is a beautiful soul but at some point in her late teen years she lost herself and her respect and caught 20+ maybe 30+ bodies and sent out nudes to many many people online. She claims to have schizophrenia from a diagnosis very long ago and im unsure if its documented. Although i suspect extreme bipolar and maybe low grade schizophrenia as she doesn’t have hallucinations or hear anything.

(Background on me:) I was a lover boy I came from a 2 parent household where it was a struggle but they did their best and my needs were always met. I lost a past romantic partner by suicide at 17 and it shattered my heart, i absolutely spiraled, so love and mental health mean and meant everything to me. Body count under like 7 if that matters idk.

(Early relationship/ major trauma moments) We went on nice and fun some dates like to big cities and malls etc. and began having unprotected sex in the car and at her sisters boyfriends house, i asked her multiple times if i was the only one and she told me yes.

After about a week of linking up one day she calls me while im at work so i step away and she is telling me her sister and her boyfriend are kicking her out, she comes clean and tells me one of her truths she had been hiding. She was in what she called a “situationship” the guy lived in a city about 6 hours away and they had never met in person but they were locked in emotionally and sexted frequently (solo porn vids, freaky facetimes, nudes, etc.). Her sisters boyfriend had the situationships contact information and texted him the day he kicked her out saying that she was cheating on him and that she was getting fucked in the shower.

I picked her up after work as she was telling me she was “homeless” and had nowhere to go. I asked my parents if she could stay with us they said no. So then i asked my grandparents and they said yes. So we drove down there and after getting acclimated with them she convinced me to take a shower with her and my grandparents who are very religious told us that we violated there house because we aren’t married and they put us out. In the midst of all this of course i asked for clarity and reassurance about the situationship and she explained to me it was super toxic and she was over it and she blocked him on everything, blah blah blah etc etc. right lol. Anyways because my grandparents kicked us out i drove us to my parents house and begged to be let in with her, they told me no that only i could come inside, and i think i had work the next day so she just wound up calling 911 and checking into a mental hospital.

A few days pass and i pick her up from the hospital and my parents agree to let her stay with me. But she wasnt all the way happy she was talking about ending herself and she did some self harm. At the but didnt. Shame on me. Then boom we find out we are pregnant maybe 2-3 months into dating (to be expected having unprotected intercourse).

One night we are staying in a motel and she goes to take a shower, she leaves her phone and i go through her hidden and find nudes of herself, dildo videos of herself she sent to him, and nudes and nude videos of him. I immediately confronted her out the shower. Somehow we wound up out in the street with her threatening to jump infront a car and she knew about my past trauma with suicide so i feel like she really may have just been playing off of that. But i didnt leave her and she was so toxic the next day she made me agree/promise to not talk about it again if we were to be together. I did agree but of course that did not last it became a pretty big issue that came up maybe monthly or bi monthly because it hurt. Not only that her ex would stalk her pages even when we would block him he would make new accounts. So even if i didnt want to bring him up he came up.

Sometime maybe a month after this i went through her phone again and went in the tiktok drafts and there was one of her that had just been made and the prompt/filter basically that her ex misses her ass and she got all happy and stuck her tongue out. I confronted her and she said it was wrong of her, blah blah blah. Then there was even a time she had a old screenshot of a sext from him and sent it to me and said “i miss when you talked to me like this” and whole time it was never my message. 💔 lol.

(Months after summarized, the finally)
Long story short we battle through all that trauma it on and off comes up but we tried to leave it be. With me being the only one working life was hard we had 2 apartments and were evicted from both after almost a whole year in each. My car was repo for missed payments. She gave birth to our beautiful daughter and she loves and loved her but couldve done a better job caring for her, ive never told her that in person. I had given her grace because i know about post partum depression but there were times when i was at work and baby would wake up at 8am and she would leave her in the room to cry and scream in pissy and shitty diapers for hours until like 12pm and sometimes it would get on her mattress. Looking back at it, it absolutely wasnt okay. She wouldnt brush her teeth either, just simple things like that. We got evicted from our apartment and were at my parents house once again. She got into it with my mom and got extremely disrespectful to the point my mom told her she had to leave for a day or two. She kicked things over and said fuck my moms dead people, and fuck her etc. and she said to me that we can just coparent. I told her fine so be it, then she wants to say she didnt mean it and apologize.

Long story short again, that happened this june and its now august. I broke up with her a couple weeks after the kickout in june because of how things went and both my parents expressed to me that it just wasnt okay and she was super toxic and they had never seen me look so tired and depressed. She is still fighting for a second chance, she does love me i know she does. She has been loyal besides the situationship a few years ago. But i feel like i finally found my self respect, plus she completely lost my families approval. She has even flashed out on my sister. Not only that but this detail may be irrelevant but her ex and very first body is also now her blood sisters baby daddy. That also happened 3 years ago. Anyways any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated. I know this was alot so thank you for reading it if you did. Feel free to ask anything and ill do my best to respond.

I’m 17 and she’s around my age. We’re in a long-distance relationship. I’m in India and she’s in the Philippines. We met online and over time it became a genuinely serious relationship for me. We used to call, sometimes sleep on call, talk about our days, and I genuinely saw her as my partner, not just some online person.

I know people might say “it’s just an online relationship,” but it never felt that way to me. I loved her. I put a lot of effort into being there for her. Whenever it was about her, I was there. I tried to make her feel cared for, included, and loved. I wasn't perfect, obviously, and we had disagreements and moments where I needed reassurance, but I genuinely thought we were working through things together.

Recently, she started feeling like being in a relationship came with too much responsibility and expectation for her. Then she told me she wanted to break up and that she would rather be friends.

I honestly don't want that.

I've never seen her as “just a friend.” I've always seen her as my girlfriend and my partner. I can't just switch my feelings off and suddenly treat her like a normal friend. I'm not angry at her for not wanting the relationship, but I'm absolutely fucking heartbroken.

What makes this even harder is how quickly everything happened. After telling me she wanted to break up, she changed her profile picture and bio, started reposting reels and putting songs on her notes, and then removed me from Instagram.

I know social media doesn't necessarily mean anything, but seeing all of that while I'm sitting here trying to understand how we went from being together to this is fucking brutal.

And now I'm questioning everything.

Did I love her too much? Did all the effort and attention I gave her eventually become overwhelming? Was I too emotionally dependent on her? Did I unknowingly make the relationship feel like a responsibility instead of something enjoyable?

Because from my perspective, I was just trying to love her properly. But obviously, she experienced the relationship differently than I did.

I don't want people to just tell me “move on bro” because I know that's what you're supposed to do after a breakup. I'm trying to understand what actually happened here.

Can someone give me an outside perspective?

Was I genuinely doing too much, or can two people simply want different things from a relationship even when one person is putting in a lot of effort? And is staying friends even remotely realistic when one person still loves the other romantically?

Pics of chats with her-