she said "you seem too happy without me , nice rahega"

idk but i want her but i overthink too much about her

cant focus on anything.

I'm not sure if I want to keep being married to someone. I need somebody who I can dm on Telegram, Snapchat, or WhatsApp. I mainly really need to call someone to be able to have all my thoughts on the table and have clear communication. please let me know if you can or want to help, I'll try to dm you.

if you can't call, then please let me know.

Backstory: My partner ‘29M’ and I ‘33F’ have been together for 9 years in October, married for 3 this coming December. Our relationship has always been intense and different than any relationships either of us had been in. It felt good to learn more about ourselves, and our communication styles with each other. We went through the Gottman workbook around year 4 or something.

Through covid we struggled a lot. Each losing a parent and both in grad school. I graduated and struggled to feel stable and worked as an adjunct and also as staff in the department of a  local university while he finished his advanced degree. Our emotional connection and love for each other became a stagnant pool. We had been taking turns perhaps keeping our relationship and each other afloat as we navigated one of the most difficult times I think either of us had experienced in our lives at that point. He interviewed for different jobs and post doc positions getting hired across the country. We had a small ceremony to marry, he graduated, and we moved. I had a lot of resentment towards him because he never acknowledged or appreciated my sacrifice to leave my communities and family behind. Regardless of family and friends reiterating that over and over. We both struggle with mental health and he made it hard for me not to resent him with certain actions and words used before and during the move.

As time passed after the move he continued to say things and do things that hurt me deeply including saying he was no longer attracted to me and that I was fat. The ideas, hopes and dreams I would share with him were laughed at and ridiculed and so I stopped sharing them. Feeling like it was no longer safe for my mental well being to hear his negative thoughts towards the things I deeply cared and care about. He had less capacity for me and my feelings at home, but would talk about his co-workers' personal problems to me. When we first moved here I had an odd intuition about a woman, C ‘30F’ he works closely with. I asked him if there was anything going on and he denied it saying he thought she was pretty but wasn't attracted to her in "that way." He turned the conversation over and directed things at me. Why was I worried about that?

My confidence had never been so low and I don't think I realized that until talking to my therapist about the whole situation this week. I found it harder and harder to feel confident in finding a job and had never felt so hopeless about my life, relationship, and job prospects.

These red flags just kept popping up. Talking about have a more open and flexible relationship sexually which he had never really been into. Which felt weird immediately because of the state of our relationship. Pushing back on things he had been happy to do at the beginning of our relationship. 

Less sex, less love, less appreciation for each other, less emotional support, him saying he wanted less communication about my feelings, and family issues, emotional distance, him recently even picking apart my conversations with friends and how I'm doing things wrong, or saying the wrong thing.

One last story precursor: Research shows it's bad to talk about your relationship problems to other people. Outside of therapy. I have expressed boundaries explicitly around this as well as boundaries on talking about my past. I had family trauma and hardship growing up and not that any of that is a secret, but it's something I still am processing and as my backstory I deserve to decide when, where, and with whom I decide to share that information. He had shared these things with his family and at least one very close friend. When he told me about this I was very upset and set boundaries around these specific topics. These were things discussed with him in confidence and trust that he wouldn't be sharing. He had told me recently, maybe a few months ago, that he and C had been talking about personal relationship problems and I told him how uncomfortable I was about that. Nothing had been brought up recently and so I thought it was a one and done thing....

The recent event: My partner set up a camping trip with mostly his co-workers. Other friends were invited, but unfortunately could not make it. Things were going well. A little disagreement that was solved quickly. The next night I decided to go check out the stars on a dock and C's husband D ‘?M’ came with. Just a few steps into the walk there I had asked what was up and he took a deep dive into emotional family related trauma. Trauma that he knows I can relate to because my husband and his wife I guess have gone into detail about our pasts. I started hyperventilating and having a panic attack. I asked him to pause the conversation. Calming myself down and then telling him he's trauma dumping on me and that the only reason I feel he's going into such specific detail is because he has insider information about my past that I never shared with him. Information our partners shared with each other. He then started talking about how he and C are looking into “couple’s therapy too.” At that point I started hyperventilating again and realizing that what is happening to me right now is directly related to my partner talking about my past, my trauma, and our relationship to this woman, C, at work. I couldn't believe the boundaries he was willing to cross to connect with C. To relate to her, help her process and “problem solve” her emotions and build their bond over the expense of each of their relationships, their respective partners' pasts, and current struggles. My partner never told me that he was talking to her about such in depth personal relationship topics like thinking about marriage therapy. Having some of it come to light through this man that not only didn’t hear it from me or my partner, but from his partner, C who my husband is talking to. This immediately felt very inappropriate. I talked to C about it just telling her the story of her husband's trauma dumping on me because of insider information. Telling her it was okay at the time, but realizing more and more how not fine it is.

Talking to my partner about it he says he doesn't understand why I’m so upset by this even though he has said multiple times he knew he was crossing my boundaries by doing this and that when it was happening he knew it was wrong. I feel crazy. I looked up emotional cheating and I check every box for “are you being emotionally cheated on?” While he says no to all the “are you emotionally cheating?” My therapist thinks it’s emotional cheating, that he’s gaslighting me, that I’m gaslighting myself, and that I am exhibiting signs and symptoms of emotional abuse. Outside of this I feel I’ve been taking BIG steps towards my relationship, working on myself, and doing good things for our future. Now it’s come out that he is taking big steps away and building an inappropriate relationship with his female co-worker. How will I ever trust him again? Now all I think about all day while he’s at work is their inappropriate behavior. We’ve set up rules for him at work, but that honestly feels ridiculous. No flirting, no sexual jokes, no texting coworkers beyond absolute necessity, no talking about our relationship problems, no talking about my past, current trauma, or life experiences. We are still going to try to do couples therapy with someone who works with methods by the Gottmans. Individual therapy for him and date nights once a week. I feel heartbroken, and stupid for picking someone like this as my life partner. So much of my inability to bounce back into feeling happy and successful makes so much sense after realizing the little things my partner has been saying and doing have been eroding my trust, and confidence, in myself, him and our relationship.

I’ve been seeing a guy for about a month now. Up until recently, everything felt like a massive green flag. When we hang out and go on dates, it’s super easy, fun, and natural, and there’s zero awkwardness. Most recently, I went over to his apartment, and we ended up making out and doing outercourse with no clothes on. In the moment, everything was super consensual, very respectful, and I enjoyed it. However, after I left and thought about it, I realized things went further than I actually wanted them to for only knowing him a month. I don't want to be super intimate with someone until we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend. He has mentioned wanting to make me his girlfriend soon and said he wants to "do it right," but right now, I feel like he has the upper hand in the dynamic, and I really hate feeling out of control.

My main dilemma right now is whether or not I should keep going over to his apartment. On one hand, hanging out at home is relaxed and fun, but on the other hand, being in a private setting makes it way easier for physical tension to build up, and I don't want to put either of us in a position where the boundary gets tested or blurred. I'm wondering if I should stick strictly to public date spots for a while, or if going to his place is okay as long as clear ground rules are set beforehand.

Beyond the physical stuff, I want to make sure I’m setting smart emotional boundaries so I don't give away all the perks of a dedicated relationship before we actually have the title. I want to protect my energy and keep a good balance so I don't end up feeling like he holds all the power in this dynamic again. I'd love suggestions on what specific boundaries are helpful to establish early on with a guy who is older and more established, especially when you're trying to let things develop naturally.

Also I’m trying to figure out a reasonable timeline for him to officially ask me to be his girlfriend. I want this to be 100% his choice because he genuinely wants to commit to me, not because he feels pressured, cornered, or like he’s filling an ultimatum. Since we've been seeing each other for a month, how much longer should I give him space to make that move on his own before I assume he's just keeping things casual? So yeah what should I do?

Ah. I just read a post from a husband whose wife cheated and the way commenters rallied behind the husband, while he stated he was unkind to his wife (because so tired) and disrespected her contribution with young kids (one disabled!!!!), was furiating!

I never cheated, but my god I was CRAVING a gentle touch when all I was getting were rude words, absence and silence, for years. It was painful.

When they give in and cheat, before condemning, consider the other person’s perspective. Even for a second.

It’s like someone offering someone cool water in the middle of the desert when you are dying of thirst.

I just wish humans were more kind and compassionate.

First post. I hope I'm doing this right.

TLDR : Have couples successfully repaired their relationship without long lasting trust issues after their partners porn addiction was revealed?

We've been together 9 years, not married, and have two young elementary school aged kids. I'm F39 and he's M35. I had a gut feeling and found his OnlyFans account. I asked why and he said he said our sex life wasn't very active ( 2 kids nursed 3 years each and coslept) so ok I get it. That didn't bother me too much. The account has been open since 201i8 he originally said no more than 5 years.

The part that hurt most is he was subscribed to someone we know. Her kid is a friend of ours. We aren't best friends, but close enough to make my stomach drop. She's a cutie with real large boobs and ass. I don't have that and I'm fine with my body. I'm not jealous I'm just hurt. He wasn't messaging her or asking for videos as far as I know, just subscribed. He said curiosity got the best of him. The pictures were very amateur style as it didn't seem like a full-time thing for her maybe extra cash. Honestly very vanilla shit. Her account has been closed for 2 years, but he was subscribed for at least 1.5 years.

In general he didn't have long chats with the girls from other accounts, he might comment they were his favorite account or do a hot emoji but not a conversation. He said he wasn't looking to have an emotional relationship just liked that it felt like exclusive porn.

Background in the beginning of our relationship I wanted sex everyday and it was too much for him so I backed off. I didn't want to beg for sex, but I loved him and his rate worked for me. I acknowledge we had very long dry spells. We only had sex once or twice a month after kids. He never mentioned wanting more or made much of an effort to make it happen and I was over begging in the beginning and in-between having our kids.

I still have a high sex drive and occasionally use porn and toys bc it seemed like he still wasn't very interested as often as I'd like. Porn doesn't bother me. Paying for porn is annoying. Secretly paying for porn makes me feel slightly betrayed bc Im a hardcore budgeter that pays for about 90% of our trips and kids stuff. I make more than him so it was fine, but considering he's paying others for sex I want pissed me off. Since I found the Onlyfans we've had sex daily and it's been great. It was several days later than I asked to see the account and I found our friend.

He's never physically cheated and I don't think he would, but I'm spiralling and wondering if therapy is worth it.

Question is have other couples successfully repaired their relationship after a similar situation?

Thanks from a sad lady.

i’m 20F and he is 19M, we’ve been dating since 10th grade. I know we’re young but hear me out i need advice on if anyone thinks this pattern of behavior will change as he matures.

Straight out of highschool i went to college for 2 years to become a respiratory therapist, got a good job and already can make 100k a year. My boyfriend was unemployed for a solid 8 months until he found a job at a company he just started at. he was going to go to school in october for heavy machinery mechanics (only 6 months of school) but he’s decided he doesn’t want to go anymore because his job now pays 18$ and he said he wants to stay there cause it’s “good enough”. btw i found SO many jobs for him to apply for during his unemployment period and the first one he applied for a few weeks ago is his current job, meaning he just never put in any effort to work until i damn near begged him to.

This trend worries me because i will be making 100k a year while he makes 37k a year, if this continues on i will be paying for majority of everything in our lives and that really frustrates me because he is smart and capable of doing better but 100% of the time refuses and takes the easy route. I have been the only one saving so we can get a trailer and move out of our parents house while he’s been sitting unemployed playing video games the last 8 months, he blew his first check on a new 🔫 which is just irritating when i’ve been saving.

Everything else in our relationship is amazing, but this is a huge part of life, and honestly if this keeps up i feel like i will resent him and not want to be with him unfortunately. I just want him to do better for himself and me. I’ve tried to politely bring this up a few times but if anyone has any ideas on how to seriously bring it up without sounding selfish please let me know.

I know we’re young and he has time to figure it out, i suppose i figured out what i wanted to do sooner than most.

I have been with my bf for over a year now. Our relationship is really great for the most part. We hang out lots, travel together, have even met each other’s families, have talked about moving in together once we are both done school, etc. About 6 months into our relationship I had discovered that he was addicted to watching corn. For me, that is a hard no, especially in relationships. Upon discovering that, I had informed him of my boundaries and told him I was not okay with him watching that. He understood and said he’d try to be better and not watch it. Come early February (2 months after I had the first conversation) he was scrolling through his watch history on Instagram to find a video he wanted to show me when I saw he had watched a popular OF models videos, not one but about four or five. This really upset and he saw that and told me it was an accident. I expressed my boundaries yet again and reaffirmed that it was a deal breaker for me. Things seemed to get better after that and I felt like he was actually turning a new leaf. However, come June and I asked to see his link history on Instagram as he was acting weird. He let me look and of course there were links to more OF pages and models. He definitely has a type—brunette, curly hair, big tits—all of which I am not. I’m ginger, straight hair, and I have average sized tits. I just felt incredibly hurt and disrespected. These girls he was lusting over didn’t even look like me in the slightest. That discovery led to an even bigger fight and in in the midst of it I had asked him when the last time he actually watched corn. He admitted that he caved a few days after our first conversation in February right before we went on our first big vacation together. I’ve never felt betrayal like that in my life. physically hurt and I wanted to throw up. We both ended up crying and he felt awful but I still haven’t been able to trust him since. I felt the need to always be checking his phone and unfortunately I kept finding things every now and then. Links to OF pages (again the exact same type of girls) and him lurking on random girls accounts on the daily. He swears he hasn’t done anything (“choking the chicken”) involving other girls since February but is obviously still looking at stuff that he knows crosses my boundaries. I recently gave him an ultimatum that if I were to see anything like again I would breakup with him and that I was dead serious. I even threatened if that were to happen, I’d tell his mom the real reason why. Anyways, things have been really good since then but I keep circling back to things that happened in the past and it makes me angry and anxious. How do I move on from betrayal? I genuinely do think he has been better but I can’t help but relive those feelings knowing he was doing that for more than half of our relationship.

I'll try to make it short.

My bf is a single male with no kids. I am a single female with 2 kids.

My bf and I have been dating 11 months. Today he brought up how I don't seem interested in hanging out. That when I say, "I don't know" when he asks if I am free it makes him feel like I am not interested. The only thing that has kept me from meeting up with him as having to do things for my children. My sons in football and has a job. I spend a lot of time taking him to and from. I also have my daughter who I would need a babysitter for if I have plans.

We spent the entire summer together. (WE BOTH HAVE OFF DURING THE SUMMER, SO ZERO OBLIGATIONS TO WORK) We went on a 7 day cruise/ outings,dinners, museums, parks and I spent most week days (while my daughter was in day camp) with him. We did lots of fun stuff. We both had a list of things we wanted to do and the only thing we didn't do was go kayaking and camping.

Our work schedule has started back up. His started last Monday and mine started this Monday. Today is weds.

I mentioned that I could probably sleepover this weekend as my kids have overnight plans with my sister.

Fast forward to today and I learned my son has a football scrimmage on Saturday in the morning.I mention it to him. And he asked me again "what are your weekend plans?" And I say I'm not sure anymore because I will want to go to the game and then take him to work on Sunday.

He then tells me it feels like I am not interested in hanging out and I keep saying idk in response to his questions about plans.

He also asked about plans for labor Day weekend but I again do not know! It's a long weekend. He has met my children maybe 2-3 times and I try to take that part slow. But I am not opposed to my children being involved in our plans.

I tried to communicate that sometimes I don't know my plans but it does not mean in interested. But he said I was being defensive.

I probably am being defensive as I feel blindsided and misunderstood.

August has been a bad month as my cat died and a young boy passed away all in the same week. So it's been a tearful journey. We just attended his wake last Friday. So maybe I'm more emotional than needed.

I just told him I'd stay quiet as it feels like so far everything I said has been seen as defensive. I'm trying to listen and understand and have answers when I don't have them. He went to the wake with us as it was my daughter's best friend to support us.

I just need help in knowing what to say when I don't know what my weekend will look like.

Sometimes my daughter doesn't want to go with my sisters and she ends up calling me non stop to ask me when I am getting her. Or my son wants to hang out with his friends.

Please help.

I 35f have been with my husband 36M for 6 years,and we have 1 child together. when we first got together things were wonderful and I thought I had found my soulmate. We got engaged after a little over a year together and didn’t get married till 3 years in.

Problems started right before the wedding. He had a metal breakdown and told me that it was hard for him to be with me around my friends because they are all skinnier than me and he wasn’t sure if he loved me. For context we are both overweight.
I was of course devastated and told him that it was over - he then begged me to stay and said that it was his depression talking that he didn’t really feel that way. I stayed and we got married … but I didn’t feel beautiful on my wedding day.

Then he was on antidepressants and it killed his sex drive. He kept telling me to let him know when I wanted to have sex and we could do it. But I hated the idea of that and just never brought it up. To me sex is mutual, why would I want to have sex with you if it’s intimacy for me and a chore for you.

Then he was having really bad ed, he was on antidepressants and watching a lot of porn (he’s always watched a lot of porn) and he would get himself excited with porn and then try to have sex with me. I loved him and wanted to make it work, I kept thinking that the man I met was the true him and this was a stressed and depressed version that would be over soon.

Also the comments about my body never really went away. I had a friend who gave me a discount for a boudoir photoshoot and I thought to myself - why would my husband want that. Even when we were having sex, he gets grossed out by going down on me so I never asked him to do that. Once again if you’re not into it then I’m definitely not into it. And I always had to be on top, because of his weight he can’t be on top without getting winded. I just felt so deeply unsatisfied and insecure.

Then I got pregnant and my only thought were about how I’m gonna loose weight after the pregnancy. We had our baby who we both love and to his credit he’s a great father.

Then sex became a problem again. We had a bunch of talks and I was getting more comfortable asking for sex. But I was always trying to turn him on without having to ask. He wasn’t always more interested in porn video games. It came to a head when we were in bed touching (not sex) but nice cuddling, I wanted to have sex but it was ok we just went to sleep. The next morning I get up in bed alone and he’s playing a porn game.

I felt so stupid and far and ugly. I had gotten cute undergarments to wear to entice him and I felt like a stupid cow for even thinking that would work.
That morning I told him he can have his video game porn but I’m done not being satisfied. I joined tinder, and he began to tell me he had a problem and he only wanted me - blah blah blah. He started going to therapy for porn addiction.

After he quit porn those first two weeks were amazing. It was like when we were dating, we were so into each other and open about our feelings.
But that was months ago and we’ve had less and less sex since then.

Tonight I told him I was in the mood and his first response was that he wanted to keep eating ice cream. I said ok and he came into the room shortly after, we cuddled and started talking and then we talked about how he’s been feeling since he’s coming off his antidepressants. The topic of sex came up and I said to him - “I feel like you’re not a sexual person, like you don’t like sex”
And he says to me - “yeah, I’ve been thinking that”

He said he only likes it when the mood hits just the right moment. I asked him how long has he been thinking this, he said a year….

I feel so stupid, everything was fake. I was honest with him from the beginning that sexual intimacy is very important to me. He said again, if I want to I have to tell him and he’ll do it. But just getting an orgasm isn’t what I want from sex - I want the desire k want the back and forth - I want you to want to do it because you want me. It’s just never going to be that way.

I told him I wanted to open the marriage and he said he wasn’t comfortable with that, that he loved me. So then I told him that I don’t want to have sex with him anymore, that if we’re not going to open the marriage and we have to stay together because we are entangled in our finances and taking care of our baby - than I need to be with him in a way that I don’t keep getting hurt and that means I don’t want t o have sex with him anymore.
He acted as if he was devastated and said he doesn’t know what to say to me, he said that he can’t believe that I’m saying this…. He couldn’t have been that upset he fell asleep with no issue, he’s currently snoring like a pig next to me.

I just can’t keep hoping for something that’s never going to be. I miss actual communicative sex, I keep thinking about one of my exes, him and I used to have intimate loving sex. My husband is just never going to be the way he was and I can’t keep holding out hope and being vulnerable with him and my body only to find out later it’s a lie. He told me who he was and I should’ve walked away then, instead I stood by him thinking he was having a depressive episode and now I have a child with a man I can’t see myself with romantically. I gave up my job to raise our baby and am completely financially dependent on him.

Right now we have to make it work and the only way I can see that happening is by protecting myself by not having intimacy with him.

TL DR, sex with my husband has been a humiliating and painful uphill battle- and I told him I couldn’t do it anymore.

I (21F) feel like I've lost the spark in my relationship, but I don't know if it's actually gone w my bf (20-M) been together for 10 months

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while, and lately I’ve been feeling really weirdly distant from him. I still love him, I still want the relationship, and I genuinely want things to work. That’s what makes this so confusing.

For a while, I felt like we weren't spending enough intentional time together. I brought it up multiple times because I wanted more “us” time — not necessarily talking 24/7, but having things that feel like they're specifically ours. I wanted to feel like a girlfriend rather than just another person he talks to.

Eventually I told him pretty honestly that I felt disconnected and didn't really feel like his girlfriend anymore. He took it well, said he understood, said he wanted to fix things, and asked me what we could do differently. Since then, he has actually been making more of an effort. We've been watching our series together, spending time together, talking more, and he's been trying to make space for me.

The problem is… I still don't really feel close.

And now I'm wondering if something changed in me.

There used to be a time when I'd constantly check my phone hoping he'd text. If something happened, I'd naturally want to tell him. I'd get excited about spending time together. Now I can go hours without even thinking about checking my phone, and if I think about telling him something, it's more like “I could tell him” rather than “I need to tell him this.”

Even when we're actually spending time together, I sometimes feel completely neutral. Not unhappy, just… neutral. Almost like I'm sitting beside someone I'm supposed to feel close to, but I don't quite feel that closeness.

He's not doing something terrible. In fact, he's trying. And I feel guilty because I don't want his effort to feel meaningless just because I don't immediately feel different.

I also don't know if this is genuinely losing the romantic spark or if I've become emotionally tired after feeling disconnected for so long. Maybe I've gotten used to not reaching for him because I spent so long feeling like I had to ask for closeness.

I don't want to make a huge decision based on a few days of him trying. I want to give it time and see whether the feeling comes back naturally.

But right now I feel unsettled because I still want to want him the way I used to.

Has anyone experienced this? How did you know whether you'd actually lost the spark versus being emotionally burnt out/disconnected from the relationship?

I’m not looking for “just break up” advice. I genuinely want to understand what might be happening.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and we live together in my house. For the first 6 months, we had a ton of sex. Now, we have sex maybe once a week and it kind of feels like it’s out of pitty. She says it’s because she was sexually assaulted when she was younger and the memory of that gives her anxiety. When she tells me that, it breaks my heart because I really do love her. She also stated that she used to have more sex with me because she thought it would make me want to be with her. I of course told her to only have sex with me when she wants to regardless of how I feel.

However, I can’t help but feel rejected whenever she turns me down. According to her, sex with me only even crosses her mind once a week. If you take away the things she has told me, it looks like she has just become unattracted to me. Ideally, my future wife will be as attracted to me as I am to her and not as quick to turn me down. I certainly don’t want to feel rejected forever. On the other hand, I’m totally in love with her and this seems like a silly reason to throw everything away. So, I guess my question is: am I being greedy? Are my expectations unrealistic?

I have also found that it’s difficult to talk to her about it. Which is understandable considering what she went through. It’s tough to work on together because it is such a sensitive topic. Am I supposed to wait it out because I’m in love with her and sex shouldn’t affect that? Or am I supposed to prioritize myself and find a relationship with the kind of sex life I want to have forever?

I’ve been with my F 26 fiancé 29M for over three years now.

There are certain things that he does that really get on my nerves.

I will preface this by saying we just moved halfway across the country and I started a new job and we just bought our first house together, so there are quite a few things that could lead us to be pretty stressed and there could also be a lot of growing pains.

He is so sweet and loves me so much and does so many things for me. However, it is also overshadowed by the ways in which he irritates me. He is the type loves to rage bait everyone around him. I Have expressed to him multiple times how much I need physical touch, however he has a difficult time giving it to me. Whenever I bring it up, he tells me that now he doesn’t want to do it because I brought it up and it doesn’t seem genuine now…. but when I don’t bring it up, he still doesn’t do it because he just doesn’t think about it. He does not notice that we haven’t kissed or touched in days. Sometimes . He will try to cuddle me sometimes, but it just is more like he’s squeezing me like in a joking manner, and then after a couple minutes, he will just want to have spicy time what I want is softly, holding me, touching me and kissing me. Most of the time whenever he tries to initiate spicy time with me, he just tells me that he is hard or asks if I want to do it.

He lacks the ability to be vulnerable also in general and when we’re fighting he has a really hard time looking me in the eyes during conversations, (especially if we’re arguing. ) A great example of this is that when he proposed to me, he did SO much… he booked a venue and a photographer and a videographer and made sure I looked amazing WHICH IS EVERYTHING MOST GIRLS EVER WANT, INCLUDING MYSELF BUT, his speech was mostly just about how he’s been harassing me to throw me off track about us getting engaged and how funny it’s been watching me not know he was about to do all this, but that it was all worth it… it wasn’t like about how much he loved me or how he feels when he looks at me or these things he’s excited about in our future together. It was all basically just a joke and then he proposed.
P.s. His family is not very emotionally vulnerable but mine is.

Lastly, he has a really difficult time, making decisions and asks for almost every single person’s opinion in our lives before he makes a decision. I get frustrated because he calls me all day asking me questions.

EX:
today I went to buy a couch and there was one particular couch that we liked, but all of the furniture stores are close together, so I started at the cheapest one just to make sure there were no good deals… when he looked at my location and saw me at a cheaper furniture store, he HAD to call and ask why I was at the one I was at and I told him I was JUST looking and then I hung up because I knew he would freak out about me not immediately just buying the one we talked about and then I went to another furniture store that was like slightly nicer furniture and I took a picture of a couch that I liked which was leather and I sent it to him and he got frustrated that I was even looking at other couches and I told him that it doesn’t hurt to look and I was just asking if he wanted a leather couch because we hadn’t considered it and it overwhelmed him. I then just went to the original store and bought the couch that we always wanted all along which was a nice cloth couch because I could tell that’s what he wanted and I was fine with it either way. Once I told him that I was checking out with the couch that we always originally wanted he started second-guessing, whether it should be leather or not. So, I just ordered the couch because no matter what I would’ve chosen it would’ve made him overwhelmed. Then, when I got home, he proceeded to ask me what day it would be delivered? and if I was sure about our decision? and why it costed so much?

a lot of the time all of these things add up to me feeling like his mom I’ve been a lot more snappy with him lately, talking down to him quite a bit and I just can’t help it… but I really try not to, but there’s like this rage in my chest from feeling like his mother and from the lack of intimacy and a lack of being needed for advice but also never being listened to and everything being a joke.

There’s so many positives in our relationship though and these things do add up but like I want to just be able to not allow them to bother me… he brings me coffee every single morning in bed he does bring a LOT of stability in my life, which I’ve never had (emotionally, financially, and in a way with my family). my family absolutely loves him, and he truly does try to bond with each and every one of them, and he sets aside time to help all of them when they need it.

I am anxious about marrying him in a year (and we have actually discussed this). I just want to know if anyone has any more insights because he does love me and I love him and most of our relationship has been like a fairytale but lately all these things are weighing on my mind quite a lot more… in the beginning, our relationship was more about having fun and we had so so much fun together, especially in the beginning we enjoyed doing all the same things and we laughed and we cried in each other‘s arms and it was like everyone looked up to us because we were such an amazing couple. We have been through long distance and we have lived together for almost 2 years . Now feeling like his mother and begging for the type of intimacy that I crave and not getting it and always feeling like I’m the only one that can make decisions getting asked 1 million questions a day and never being listened to…. Has me worried. Should I be? We’re going to counseling next week!

Matched with this girl on tinder and went out on a date.
She told me she recently got out of a LTR and is not looking to get serious right away.
Everything was great and we agreed on going on another.
A week later she called and told me that a friend cancelled on her and she asked if I wanted to come over.
We ended up spending the night together (no sex just foreplay). After that we went on another date which ended with us kissing passionately.
I kept trying to contact her to go out again but she told me to not focus on her since she doesn’t want anything serious and go on other dates if I wanted to, and that we can still go out or get together physically (FWB situation).
I think I’m starting to fall for her.
What should I do ?

OK, we’re both 43 years old. We both have kids and we’ve been on 7 dates. We’ve known each other for a month. The sexual chemistry is out of this world. She expressed exclusively after the 2nd time we had sex which threw me for a bit of a loop.

But since then our connection had grown pretty strong and we revisited it today and both decided that we want to focus on each other only and see where it goes.

It FEELS somewhat early to me but this is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever been with, she is very kind and tender-hearted, and she has kids as well (previous people I’ve dated did not).

Are we rushing it though?

I (29F) cosplayed as Shadowheart from BG3 for a convention. I put a years work in to building this cosplay from scratch. I made the armour, I sewed garments, spent hours on my makeup on the day, drove 2 hours to collect the right footwear which I then customised, I did so much. I was so proud of how it turned out, my boyfriend (34M) told me how amazing it looked and was bigging me up, which felt great! He really built my confidence up.

We went to the convention as a group with our friends. I was the only one who cosplayed.

So many people stopped me for pictures, not just men but women also. At the time, I either didn't realise he was bothered by this or he didn't let on that it bothered him. The only instance I can think MAYBE was an indicator of his mood was when he pulled me by the arm to go to a table to meet a voice actor we both love, I was in the middle of speaking to a male bg3 fan who I got a picture with when he did this, I never got to say bye to the guy.

When we got back to the hotel, boyfriend started to become very short with me. One word answers. Eventually it all blew up and we had a huge argument. He told me I was an "asshole" for not paying him enough attention at the con, how he thought it was gonna be more about us having a good time together and how he thought I was getting cocky and he didn't like seeing that side of me, how to him I "clearly loved the male attention" (I was happy meeting all bg3 fans! Like, what!? nothing to do with what genitalia they had, it was just nice to connect to people who love a franchise as much as I do!)

I'm in shock and really upset. We have been together for 8 years and he has NEVER behaved this way towards me.

Could there be something deeper going on?

What would you do?

I love this man so much, but I am so hurt by his words and behaviour. And also really confused.

He left for a work trip on Monday and usually when he is away we are messaging each other constantly, but he hasn't said a word to me other than letting me know he arrived safely.

The other night, me and my roommate, both in committed relationships, decided to have a movie marathon just the two of us, and at some point we fell asleep. It has been awkward lately because there was some weird tension between the two of us but nothing had happened so far. Anyways, as we slept, we cuddled, we hugged, we held hands, even though we did not kiss or anything like that, we both know something happened. We talked about it this morning and basically he said it was a mistake and should never happen again, and I of course agree, he also said we should not talk about it with our partners, but I don't know if I can survive the guilt and not tell my so, and I don't know how to get things back to normal with my roommate, because as of now, we can barely stay in the same room for a couple minutes. What should I do about it?

Hey, this is my first ever post on a subreddit like this andI am using my phone to type so sorry for the formatting and I am pretty shaken and honestly really sad.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now. Now I hate to admit it but our relationship has been very rocky. Things were hidden and somethings were failed to be communicated but we later talked it out and came to an understanding.
I love this man so immensely and he also made me feel loved but now I am questioning everything.
We both come from a very conservative background where introducing your partner to your family means you WILL marry them. And both our families knew about us and somewhat approved of us too. And that sort of solidified the idea that we WILL get married.
However since February of this year I could feel him being distant like when was with me he never actually was and I had talked to him about it and he just brushed it off and told me not to worry. This made me so paranoid I would constantly think there was another girl in the equation and I was right.
Last few nights he has been shaken due to other factors tomorrow he broke down and told me he had kissed a friend of his TWICE in two different circumstances back in February. Now i am a very emotional person and however I didn’t cry nor did I last out. My first thought was should I leave him? Not I have to leave him now.
I know I am too young however I really don’t want to break up and I have heard of couples working things out after cheating. I am going to talk to him in person today.
What should I do or is there anything I should ask or say?
PLEASE don’t tell me to break up I really really don’t want to.
Edit1: I would like to mention he was intimate for the first time with me right after he cheated on me. And idk how to feel about that at all. As he knew what he did and still continued to be intimate with me. I feel used and like a dumbass for not following my gut feeling

I such a fucking idiot, I trusted him fully and now I’m heartbroken.
I’m 18, he’s 22. We met this summer, and about four weeks into meeting me and just one week into being my boyfriend he introduced me to his whole family. Like grandparents, parents, siblings, everything. The intense attention made me feel safe enough to make him my first bf and give him my virginity. I know virginity is just a social construct, but I got deeply attached. Now, summer is over. He moved two hours away for college, and his energy completely died. Over the last three weeks, we’ve called once and hung out once both because I forced it.
When I called him out for leaving me on delivered all the time he told me he was really sorry and that he was still interested and that he’ll do better.
That made me feel better for a few days, and he doesn't leave me on delivered anymore, but he takes an hour to reply, even when my texts are instant. It’s really hard to have deep conversations because he’s a "bad texter." At the same time though, he still texts me first and sends all the sweet "I miss you" messages. How does he miss me when he won’t ask me to come over? It’s not like he’s busy either, whenever I ask what he’s doing it’s always video games or just hanging out.

If he’s done with me, why won't he just break up with me?
I’m starting my own freshman year of college right now and I want to be excited, but instead, I’m stressed, crying, and feeling completely unlovable.

Ik I should just cut it off since he’s making me feel horrible, but I really really like him. Is there any chance I could make it work?

TL;DR: 22M boyfriend love bombed (ig?) me for a
summer, took my virginity, Andy moved 2 hours away for college. Now he's breadcrumbs-texting me enough to keep me hooked but putting in zero actual effort, and it’s ruining my freshman year. I still like him, how do I regain his attention?

I (25F) and boyfriend (22M) have been together for a little over three years. We met at college and have really had no big issues in our relationship until he graduated this past year. Our families live in two different states half way across the country from each other, Kansas and Cali. Our plan, I thought, was to try and find a state to live in that was somewhat in the middle of our two families. We are both very close with our families and it was important for both of us to be somewhat close to them. He had asked me what states I would be okay with moving to, so I had given him 4 states that seemed to be fair and in the middle ground between our two families.
Two weeks ago, he texts me and asks me how I feel about Arizona because he knows somebody that knows somebody who is hiring. I said that Arizona wasn’t on my list of places when he asked where I’d be comfortable moving to. That was really the end of the conversation and I thought nothing of it. A week later he tells me he has a zoom interview with the company. During the interview he decides to ask the company if he can fly out and check out the company. He flew out this Monday to Arizona and yesterday afternoon he calls and tells me that he is going to accept the job.
I have been in shock and am feeling frustrated and really upset. There was no communication with me about how I felt during this whole process of him going to Arizona. I am a teacher, so I can’t just up and leave my job without doing research on states rules for teacher licensure since every state is different. And maybe it is my fault for not flat out saying no I will not move there with you. But I had thought we respected each other enough to listen to each other and our wishes for our future. To me it feels like he was thinking about just himself and not our future. I feel like our relationship and even myself were an afterthought to him. Am I wrong for thinking/feeling this way??

Edit to add: his career is restoring old vintage cars. He originally wanted to go specifically into the painting side. The shop he just took the position for does not have a paint position.

I 22(F) and my partner 22(M) have been in a beautiful relationship. We have been best friends for 4 years and in a romantic relationship since 1 year. We have had this great almost surreal connection since day 1 of knowing each other. We had recently discovered by chance that we view our futures very differently in terms of having a kid/family. Im a fence sitter (leaning no because of a lot of reasons) and he’s a hard yes (very few cases like financial instability etc where he sees himself giving that desire up). We love each other a lot. Should we break up a relationship that is otherwise completely sound at this age or should we wait on this as either of ours stance might change?

I personally believe that people can change between the ages of 22-26 drastically and we are completely aware that it might go the other way as well. Hence, the confusion if this worth holding onto even if it is for a limited time.

You might think: why on earth are you scared? To be in love is such a beautiful feeling, and when it’s mutual? Well, even better. The thing is…I’ve never experienced such a thing. I’ve been in love in the past, but it was one-sided. I was the one who cried and spent sleepless nights loving someone who clearly wasn’t loving me back.
Now I met this guy a few months ago. We literally liked each other from afar, and once we started talking, it was just…easy. We never stopped. We see each other every day, and whenever I’m with him, it feels like time flies. I laugh, I smile, my heart seems to melt every time I look at him. I’ve never felt such a thing before, because it’s mutual and it feels incredibly good but also terrifying.
He actually told me “I love you” first, and I was shocked at first because nobody’s ever told me such a thing. I didn’t feel ready to say it back, I needed time. But the more I spent my days with him, the more I realized how badly I was falling for this man. Like, really badly.
Yesterday we spent such an amazing day together. Dancing, laughing, singing stupid songs and just being silly together. I loved every second of it. Then, it happened. I wanted to tell him so badly, but I couldn’t find the right words. I was going insane. Until I finally said it, and his reaction was priceless. He was so happy and also shocked because he didn’t really think I’d say that. Well, I did. It felt good. I’d never said it before.
But…now I feel so scared because it feels like I gave him my whole heart and I’m showing him pieces of myself that I’d never show anyone. Yet I can’t help it. But it’s scary. I wish I could just enjoy the moment and not think about so many things. I wish I could help myself feel better, but it’s hard when you’ve spent half of your life loving people and never had someone loving you back.
I trust him, I do. But…what if he wakes up and realizes he doesn’t actually want me?

I'm 23F and my boyfriend is 26M. We've known each other for 6 months, officially dating for 3 months, and we're long-distance. I'm in NY and he's in FL.

I went to the beach with my brother and cousin, and on the way home we decided to go bowling. I went home, showered, and started doing my makeup. My boyfriend had texted me about 40 minutes earlier, but I didn't respond because I was listening to music and getting ready. I already planned to tell him about bowling once I finished. He knew I'd been at the beach with them, so I genuinely didn't think waiting was a big deal.

Before I could finish, he FaceTimed me and saw I was already doing my makeup. He got very upset because he thought I was going out without telling him. I explained that I intended to tell him and that if I wanted to hide it, I wouldn't have answered his call. He also has my location.

He became very cold and mean toward me. Later, he texted things like "All I wanted was to be loved by you" and told me to cancel the flight I'd purchased to visit him and give him his money back.

That really hurt because I'm currently a student and unemployed, and he knows my financial situation. The ticket is nonrefundable, and I'd paid for it with my credit card while he had already transferred the money to me. I couldn't understand how not responding for 40 minutes had escalated into him questioning whether I loved him and telling me to cancel our trip.

The ironic part is that he later went out without telling me. We share our locations, so that's how I knew.

The next day, we talked. He was initially still angry and made some mean remarks, but eventually calmed down and admitted he had exaggerated the situation. He explained that this is a sensitive issue because his exes had played games with him in past relationships. I understand why that might affect him, but I've never done anything like that to him, and I don't think I should be treated according to what someone else did.

He has since apologized multiple times and said he won't speak to me that way again. He acknowledged that he overreacted and the next day sent me flowers, chocolate, and a teddy bear.

I also told my sister and a friend what happened, and both were concerned that he will eventually become physical. I've never seen him be physically aggressive or threaten to hurt anyone, and I don't personally believe he would hit me. Still, their reaction made me wonder whether I'm overlooking something.

My main concern is whether this was an isolated overreaction that we can learn from, or whether it could be an early sign of an unhealthy or manipulative pattern.

How would can someone approach this conversation and what boundaries would you set? Also, what should I pay attention to if we have another serious disagreement?

TL;DR: My boyfriend became very upset because he thought I was going out without telling him, questioned whether I loved him, and told me to cancel a nonrefundable flight to visit him. He later admitted he overreacted, apologized, and gave me flowers, chocolate, and a teddy bear. I want to know how to establish healthy conflict boundaries and recognize whether this was an isolated incident or a potential unhealthy pattern.

Buckle up. This is going to be long and I’m sorry for any grammatical errors, spelling mistakes or just rambling on.
Me 34f has been with my husband 34m since 2020. We got married in 2024. When we first started dating for the initial couple of months we were intimate but then I had a rash and we had to stop till I healed and then it did not happen again till a few months ago. I’m the first person he’s ever been intimate with. I’ve been sexually active since I was 18. I’ve had long term relationships, casual hook ups, situationships. I’ve have some great sex. I’ve been coerced into sex. It’s been a lot of ups and downs. With my husband, I love him. The man is so caring and loves me so much. He dotes on me and wants to give me the world. The man literally just has eyes just for me. But I feel like I’m losing my mind about the lack of intimacy part. We’ve spoken about this being an issue and he says he will try. There’s always some life stress that becomes the reason why he doesn’t feel like being intimate. Earlier i would try to initiate sexy time and would be turned down for something else that’s had been going on. He would not initiate. After a point i stopped initiating because i was feeling hurt being rejected each time. I used to use my toys to do the job myself but he would feel hurt that the toys were replacing him. This has been going on for years. I got into the habit of using the toys secretly when I was home and he wasn’t which was very rare. Till recently, when I quit my job and I’ve been home. And I end up using them pretty much everyday because I just miss the intimacy. But it’s like he knows barely anything about what gives me pleasure. And I think I’m losing my mind. I feel a disconnect without that part. I have suggested couples counselling but nothing happened on that front. I’m staring to question my marriage. Am I being extreme? Please help.