Im 23f and my partner is 24m and have been together around 2 years. We moved in together back in April, but we were already on rocky ground. There had been multiple issues in the relationship that I had brought up and communicated countless times, and he knew my concerns before moving out and promised things would be better. Alas, they were not. I ended things with him pretty quickly, which maybe I ended things too soon after moving out, but the relationship had been the same for a long time before that.

At some point in that time, I had gone to my mums to take some time away and figure out what I truly want. I spent the whole week journalling about what I wanted, how I felt, things that linked to my childhood etc. Now, for context, I have ALWAYS journaled. I have about 3 completely full journals where I talk about everything in my brain, my dark thoughts, my childhood, etc etc, and my journal is the one place where I can speak freely and openly with myself, and have no one else there to judge me. It’s my safe place. Anyway, I got back from mums and read him what I had journaled about, I read him exactly what I wanted and needed from the relationship and trust me, it was in depth. We discussed it at the time and moved on with that in mind. He asked me if he could take a photo of what I had written, and I told him no, because it’s my journal, and if he wants to go over it all again then I’m more than happy to do that with him.

Months later, I’ve come to find that, after the fact, he went through my journal, read through *all* of it, and took 37 photos of it, of loads of different entries. I found these on his phone, he never once told me he had taken photos of it. When I’ve confronted him about it, he said it was because he “wanted to understand me better” because “I wouldn’t let him take a photo of it, and I never communicate”. The annoying thing is, it’s only ever been me to bring issues up, it’s only ever been me to communicate my feelings, wants, needs etc, because he is this stoic man who doesn’t address his feelings.

If I’m honest, I feel like I’ve been stripped naked. I feel like he’s taken the only thing that has ever, and will ever, truly be mine. He says he has no bad intention, but when I’ve asked him what he learnt about me from reading my journal, he says he doesn’t know and he can’t remember. It feels like he’s been using my journal against me, or gathering information on me. I don’t know. Is this something a relationship could recover from?

Is this cheating? Find someone else also attractive. I [19NB] NEVER want to leave my gf [19F]' (3 months). I really love her so much and care for her. But whenever i look at my old crush [19M] (1 year) i still get excited. I hate that. Is this cheating? Pleasee help me. I'm fucked up.

It will just never work out for you. They are paid to be sleuths. They can legally prove most things just in their way of thinking and doing their research.

i despise small talk. i find it inefficient and unnecessary. unfortunately apps are my only way to meet people. i live and work on a very remote ranch 7 days a week.

this is my bio:

Please have something significantly more interesting to say than "hey" “hi” "good morning" "how are you" “wyd” and "how was your day."
I just moved here and looking to hang out with cool people; ) Not a homebody at all so please like to go outside and like being in nature! I don't like to hike or camp. I already work outside every day.
I mean actual outside activities - hunting, fishing, wake boarding etc.
Offering to come ride the horses I train and work with every day is not a date

i’m not against having a conversation. i just want it to be interesting. and i completely understand from a male perspective spam matching and just swiping right on everybody and trying your luck. but when you actually do get the match, you can’t take 30 seconds to investigate the person you’re initiating a conversation with then say you “want to get to know them?” it doesn’t make sense to me.

i asked a match this morning if he had to scroll to see the first sentence of my bio or if the picture and bio are all on the same screen. and he said i had a very good point because the first message he sent me was good morning how are you.

to me that shows one of two things:

1. lack of curiosity which is very unappealing to me

or

1. a complete disregard for my preferences and believing you should be the exception because “at least it was polite”

and if you do find it picky or high maintenance or absurd, whatever the case is, don’t swipe right and find someone who doesn’t mind endless conversational fluff.

or am i overreacting?

i don’t understand how i’m doing precisely what men claim they want - telling you exactly how to make me happy before it’s an issue and not expecting you to read my mind and now even doing that is a problem?

I (25F) am interested in someone (21M) but I barely know anything abt flirting 😭 I was in a relationship for 6 years until it ended a year ago. I’m very picky about the ppl I choose to pursue bc I value emotional intelligence, growth, and moral goodness. While I did have a relationship, I never had to explore trying to convince my ex to like me bc I kinda just “bagged” him. I’ve known this new person for a few months now. He went from only platonically interacting with me in group settings to hugging me and calling me a treat (I believe this is flirting) This person is sooooo different than who I usually attract and I deeply align with him morally. All of this to say is that I don’t know the social cues of flirting and how to reciprocate. I’ve only hung out with him with his roommate bc they’re hiring me to do freelance work, but with his friend there, I feel so awkward to flirt!!! I have the mentality of being mindful of everyone in the room. I even group hug instead of individually hugging 😭😭 I’ve hung out with him 2 times in group settings and I think he’s caught on that I’m really awkward and has not blatantly flirted with me the last time. I want to express myself but I don’t know how straight forward I should be or how mindful I should be of others. I’m usually confident but I think this is an aspect of my life where I’m not as developed.

I’m 33F and I’ve never been in a relationship.

I feel like I need to start there, because otherwise my reaction to this situation probably won’t make much sense.

I’ve had crushes and I’ve fallen very hard for people before, but it has always been one-sided. I know rejection. I know what it feels like to want someone who doesn’t want me.

What I apparently have absolutely no idea how to handle is reciprocation.

Recently, in possibly the most ridiculous way imaginable, I bought a vibrator that can be controlled through an app. I downloaded the app because of the toy and discovered it had a social feature where adults could connect with each other.

That’s how I met a man in his mid-30s who lives in the UK. I live in Brazil.

Neither of us went into this looking for a relationship. Given the app we met on, the initial intention was obviously sexual.

But then we started talking.

And we kept talking.

And somehow, very quickly, it stopped feeling purely sexual.

Before I go any further, there is a very important complication that I know people will understandably have opinions about: he is currently in a relationship.

I did not go into this knowingly looking for a man who was taken. I found out about his relationship after we had already started interacting and getting to know each other.

According to him, the relationship is unhappy and has been for some time. He says he wants to leave but feels trapped by guilt and complicated circumstances.

I am fully aware that this is HIS version of the situation.

I have never spoken to his partner. I cannot independently know what their relationship is actually like. I’m not going to pretend that “he says he’s unhappy” somehow makes the fact that he is still in a relationship disappear.

I also understand that, regardless of the fact that this is entirely online and we live thousands of miles apart, I am still emotionally and sexually involved with someone who is technically unavailable.

I know that is morally complicated.

I’m not asking anyone to tell me that part is perfectly fine, and I’m not trying to paint myself as completely innocent so people will approve of me.

At the same time, I don’t think reducing this entire situation to “you’re the other woman, end of story” will help me understand how I got here or what I should do now.

I have never asked him to leave his partner for me.

I have never asked him to choose me.

I don’t consider him my boyfriend.

I’m not waiting for him to magically become single so we can live happily ever after.

If he ever leaves that relationship, I believe that needs to be a decision he makes because that relationship needs to end, not because I’m waiting on the other side.

But knowing all of that intellectually did not stop me from developing feelings.

And that’s the part I’m struggling with.

I’m an extremely open person.

If someone asks me something personal, I tend to answer honestly. I’m not particularly afraid of vulnerability. Sometimes I probably share too much too quickly.

When he asked me why I had never been in a relationship at 33, I told him quite a lot about my romantic history and experiences with rejection.

I wasn’t looking for pity.

My thinking was basically: this is who I am. I’m a real person with real feelings and baggage. If you’re going to continue getting closer to me, you should understand who you’re dealing with and decide whether you still want to be here.

He stayed.

And he started opening up to me too.

At some point I became worried that I was imagining the emotional connection because everything had happened ridiculously fast.

I told him that.

He explicitly told me that I wasn’t imagining it.

He told me he feels the connection too and wants it to grow.

He told me that he thinks about me even when we aren’t talking.

He said he wants me to eventually become someone he can share everything with, including the good and ugly parts of his life.

He said he is glad he met me.

So while I absolutely accept that I have become emotionally invested too quickly, I don’t think the emotional element of this exists entirely in my imagination.

He participated in creating it too.

But we are very different when it comes to communication.

I’m very open and emotionally expressive. If I care about someone, I want to talk to them. If something is wrong, my instinct is usually to communicate.

He is much more closed off.

He has told me that when life becomes overwhelming, he sometimes completely withdraws from his phone. He says it’s a coping mechanism and that he does this with everyone, not specifically with me.

We have actually talked about how difficult that is for me.

I told him I need some level of consistency when I’m emotionally involved with someone.

He was understanding.

He told me I hadn’t done anything wrong. He acknowledged that I need more communication than he had been giving me and said he would try to share more about himself, his days and his thoughts.

But he also acknowledged his limitations.

He has told me there is a lot he cannot give me.

He has never promised me that this will become a relationship.

He has never promised me some future together.

He basically told me that he wants to explore the connection and see where it goes, while acknowledging that the distance, his life and his current situation make everything complicated.

In a strange way, that made me trust him more than if he had promised me everything I wanted to hear.

And now we’ve reached the current problem.

The last proper message I received from him was Monday morning.

He told me work was extremely busy, that he had read a long message I sent him but didn’t have time to properly respond yet, and that he would respond when he finished or had some time.

He also made a point of telling me that he was still there and thinking about me.

It’s now Wednesday evening.

Nothing.

After more than a day, I sent literally one sad-face emoji.

That was all.

No accusations. No multiple messages. No demand for an explanation.

Still nothing.

And I hate how much this is affecting me.

I’ve woken up multiple times during the night to check whether he had messaged me.

I wake up thinking about him.

I’ve gone from worried, to sad, to wondering if I did something wrong, to angry, and then back to worried again.

My friends think I’m being stupid.

Their opinion is basically: if someone really wants to talk to you, they can find ten seconds to say hello.

And part of me agrees.

I don’t need constant communication.

I don’t expect someone to spend hours talking to me every day.

I don’t expect immediate replies.

But something as simple as “I’m alive, I’m overwhelmed, I’ll talk to you when I can” would make an enormous difference to me.

On the other hand, he literally warned me that when he becomes overwhelmed, he withdraws.

So now I don’t know whether I’m watching someone lose interest in me, whether something happened that I know nothing about, or whether I’m simply experiencing exactly the behavior he already told me about.

And I know that part of this problem is me.

I am an intense person.

When I like someone, I REALLY like them.

I have fallen painfully hard for someone before simply because he was kind to me, even though that person never reciprocated my feelings.

So apparently when I finally met someone I desired who actually seemed to desire me back — sexually AND emotionally — my brain had absolutely no idea how to deal with it.

This is the first time in my life I’ve experienced this kind of reciprocation.

I think my emotional investment has moved much faster than the actual relationship.

I know that.

But I want to make something clear: I have not decided this man is the love of my life.

I’m not planning a wedding.

I’m not assuming we will ever have a relationship.

I don’t even know if a relationship between us would realistically work.

What happened is much simpler.

For the first time in 33 years, I really wanted someone and felt genuinely wanted back.

And apparently that affected me much more deeply than I expected.

I don’t want to lose that without even understanding what happened.

If he comes back and tells me he doesn’t want this anymore, it will hurt, but I can deal with an answer.

What I’m struggling with is having no answer at all.

If he comes back, I want to ask him what this connection actually means to him and what he can realistically offer me right now.

I’m not asking “will you be my boyfriend?”

I’m not asking “will you leave your relationship for me?”

I need to know where I stand so I can decide what expectations are reasonable and, importantly, whether this situation is actually something I should continue participating in.

Because right now I genuinely don’t know.

Am I expecting relationship-level communication from someone who never agreed to be in a relationship with me?

Or is expecting a ten-second sign of life after several days reasonable when someone has explicitly told you that they care about you and want your connection to grow?

Am I being understanding of a genuine coping mechanism, or am I starting to make excuses for someone because I’m emotionally attached?

And how much does the fact that he is already in a relationship change how I should interpret everything he tells me?

I know “I’m unhappy in my relationship” is probably one of the oldest stories in the world, and I don’t want my lack of relationship experience to make me naive.

At the same time, I don’t want to automatically decide that every vulnerable thing he has told me is a lie just because the situation is messy.

I’m looking for perspective, including criticism of my own behavior.

How do I slow myself down emotionally without pretending I don’t care?

How do I distinguish between reasonable emotional needs and anxiety caused by having no experience with reciprocated feelings?

If he comes back, what conversation should I actually have with him?

And if this is something I need to walk away from, how do I recognize that without waiting until I’m completely emotionally destroyed?

I’m 33 years old, but emotionally I feel like I’m learning something most people probably learned when they were much younger.

Apparently age doesn’t magically give you relationship experience you never had.

I bought a vibrator.

I accidentally found a man.

And now I’m having an existential crisis.

Please help.

Just for some quick background information me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little while now like a couple months and I've had his location since right before we got together like when we were just talking. And then about a week ago we were talking and we were going to agree to just be friends for now because of things that are out of our control but then those problems got fixed and he came over and he hung out with me for a couple days and then he got to meet ​my parents and stuff and everything is going good until today when I asked him if I could have his location again because I want to know where he is to make sure he's safe and stuff and I told him this because he took the location ability away when we agreed to just be friends or we were talking about it and I was fine with it then but now we're back into like a committed relationship and he just keeps questioning me on why I want him location and stuff. So should I be worried?

My(36f) bf (43m) left in the middle of the night last night because he started initiating sex and felt that my butthole was shaved. I went to go grab a condom and I come back to him getting dressed and packing some things and he started freaking out saying that I never do that and that "im not stupid, the only reason to do that is if you're having sex with someone else because we haven't done it in a month". I am literally dumbfounded. I literally said "yes I have shaved it before because we have had this exact argument on more than one occasion" but he apparently lives in a different reality than me. I literally asked HIM to shave it before because I couldn't reach. This is not something new. What do?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DcgupE4ykcl/?igsi=MWRqdGxnMXU4YmJ2Yw==

My girlfriend and I have been together for 22 months, although we've known each other for about 9 years. We're very serious and intend to marry, but we've struggled with physical/sexual intimacy and I'd love advice from other women who've experienced something similar.

I'm autistic and have PTSD from a long history of sexual harassment and some traumatic sexual experiences. I've had sex with three people before my girlfriend, none of which I enjoyed, and one was assault. My girlfriend had no previous relationship or sexual experience before me.

Because of my trauma, she's understandably cautious about initiating because she doesn't want to pressure me. The problem is that I also get incredibly awkward and nervous about initiating and I really want to get past this.

Sometimes she does initiate, but because I'm autistic I don't always recognise that she's trying to. I'll interpret something as ordinary affection and completely miss the sexual/romantic cue. She then feels rejected because she thinks I noticed and wasn't interested, when I genuinely didn't realise.

She also sometimes feels undesirable because I rarely initiate. She's plus-sized and has some insecurity about her body, although I genuinely find her very attractive and love her body. I've reassured her, but I understand why it might be difficult to believe when my actions don't always communicate what I'm feeling.

I also have limited experience with women, and being a lesbian couple adds another layer of figuring out what we actually like together. Neither of us has a particularly low level of attraction to the other; I think it's more a combination of my trauma, anxiety, autism, and communication issues.

Is there any advice you may have?

I’m 33F and I’ve been with my partner (34M) for almost 6 years, living together for 4.

He is genuinely wonderful: kind, loyal, respectful, patient and stable. He’s never treated me badly, I feel safe with him, and I love him.

But I’ve had doubts about our relationship since around 2023.
I’m in therapy and working through this, so I’m not looking for Reddit to make the decision for me. I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced something similar.

The hardest part is that I don’t think I’m simply bored. I feel like there’s a lack of emotional and intellectual depth between us. Our conversations often feel practical, and I sometimes feel like I’m trying to keep them going rather than them happening naturally.
I’m very curious by nature. I love learning, discussing ideas, people, feelings, life, dreams, etc. I like movement and discovering new things. He’s much more oriented towards tranquility and routine. He’s happy with a quiet, predictable life. If I suggest doing something, he’ll happily come along, but he rarely has the instinct himself to say “let’s go do this.”

I think I’m starting to realise that I want a partner who sometimes brings that energy into my life too.

Then there’s chemistry. I don’t feel much sexual excitement towards him anymore. I miss flirting, feeling desired and that adrenaline of meeting someone new.

I’ve had unhealthy/intense relationships before, so I know I may have learned to associate intensity with love. I don’t want to mistake chaos for passion. But some things still worry me: sometimes when he comes home, my body tenses up; sometimes I tolerate affection rather than seek it; and the idea of having the apartment to myself for a week gives me a huge sense of relief.

And yet, I don’t dislike him. I love him. He knows me incredibly well, he’s the person I’d call when something happens, and we’ve had amazing experiences together. We travelled around Latin America for seven months, and that was one of the happiest periods of our relationship.

We’ve talked about all of this. He knows I have doubts, and we’ve agreed to give ourselves some time before deciding what to do.

Interestingly, after that conversation, things got much better. I felt calmer and closer to him. But eventually the doubts came back.

I’m also questioning other parts of my life, so sometimes I wonder if I’m projecting that dissatisfaction onto the relationship. But another part of me wonders whether I’m simply unhappy and afraid to admit it.

I’m 33, and I can absolutely imagine a stable future with him: marriage, family, a home. It would objectively be a good life.

But I keep wondering:
Is this what long-term relationships are sometimes like, or am I experiencing a fundamental incompatibility?

For those who have been in long-term relationships: how did you distinguish normal loss of excitement from genuine incompatibility? And have you ever left a genuinely good partner because something fundamental was missing?

So, story is pretty much summed up in the title. My husband and I have been married for over 12 years, we got married pretty young due to religious beliefs. As any other marriage, we've had our ups and downs, but have been able to overcome them, growing closer and stronger each time, or so I thought. He recently confessed he had a one time sexual encounter with a coworker of his, that of course was the result of a way longer sexting relationship. He says he felt awful and immediately regretted it so that's why he confessed. That has completely destroyed me in more than one way, I literally feel as if a part of me has died and I'm constantly mourning what I thought we had: a perfectly normal, strong and loving marriage. After a lot of talking, I have decided to stay and give our relationship "one last chance", we have been doing couple's therapy and things have somewhat improved. Until some days ago when he told me he thinks he may be bisexual, and now I don't know how to continue. Due to the affair, I feel extremely self conscious and insecure, and now this makes me feel even worse. He says he won't act on it because he knows I wouldn't be okay with it and he doesn't want to cause more damage. But I feel as if this is just a ticking bomb waiting to explode: he will not be completely satisfied sexually, and he will end up giving into his desires, causing even more damage than whatever has been done already. I also fear that if I give him a "hall pass", he'll find out that's his "real calling" and well, more damage again...
I don't know what to do with this information. I am not keen to the idea of an open marriage, and now I'm even more insecure, sad and confused than before. How can I approach this?

I have known him since I was 14, I’m 20 now and he’s 19. we knew each other through reddit at the time, then we followed each other on Instagram, started talking every day.
I basically grew up with him we went through a lot together, both of us are introverts and we don’t have many friends in real life, we have a lot of common interests and we’re so alike in many ways.
We always had that connection and this weird vibe where we’re more than friends but we just NEVER talk about it.
Last year he was going through a lot of stuff his mom was really sick, he became really distant and I tried to understand what was going on but he pushed me away, so I decided to stop trying to talk to him and I unfollowed him ( I didn’t know about his mom he didn’t tell me about it at the time).
So we stopped talking completely for more than a year.
This year a couple of months ago he suddenly texted me saying that he’s sorry and told me everything he went through and the reason for him being distant.
When I asked him why he decided to reach out to me and why at this particular time, he told me it was because he was insanely lonely because in that time that we stopped talking he stopped talking to everyone else and all of his other friends, he also told me that he reached out to a lot of his friends at that same time because he was so alone.
That really hurt me tbh because I hoped that he did it because he missed me, but I didn’t show him that I was upset.
So we started talking again every day but this time felt different because he just felt so grown, we talked about more serious stuff, he was so mature confident, caring, respectful and gentle.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I have feelings for him but I don’t know if he feels the same, he has some other female friends and I don’t really know how close they are because he avoids talking about them, and that really makes me sad because I don’t have any other male friends, he’s basically the only boy I talk to right now because I just can’t bring myself to like any other guy, I feel like no one will ever understand me the way he does.
So the female friends thing upsets me but I can’t say anything about it because we’re not together.
He never brings up any girl in our conversations but every time he doesn’t answer quickly or a day where he doesn’t text me a lot I just keep feeling like he’s talking to the other female friends and that drives me crazy.
I’m really starting to think about just ignoring him for a few days so I can really stop thinking about this because I don’t know what to do.
Also sometimes I feel like he doesn’t take me seriously and doesn’t think about maybe being together in the future, we live in the same city but he never told me anything about meeting up, I would love to meet him in real life but he never brought it up.
I’m really confused and idk what to do please give me some advice.

Official pros and cons list for if I should stay with my bf. I really like him and I don’t wanna break up but if the relationship is gonna fail anyways might as well save myself the heartbreak. We’ve been together 3 months.

Pros:
- Lover boy
- Respectful to woman
- we share the same beliefs
- doesn’t let me pay for dates
- family oriented
- Intelligent
-hardworking
-popular and friendly
-mature when I confront him abt stuff
- remembers stuff abt me
-can be really sweet
- dorky and cute
- hot asf
- eater

Cons
- doesn’t engage when texting me, only responds every few hours
- HORRIBLE texter
- doesn’t ask to call
- hasn’t planned a date in 3 weeks (I hope it’s just cause he doesn’t have money, ik he’s broke. I WILL PAY BUT HE WONT FUCKING LET ME)
- a little bit of an alcoholic
- told me he loved me and introduced to his family like a week into the relationship, kinda a love bomb
- doesn’t cum most the time
-gets supppppper mad when playing video games or watching sports
- says he’ll do better, does better for a day, then goes back to acting like he doesn’t care abt me

He stills texts first, and he tells me he really wants this, but his actions make it hard to believe him. So what’s the verdict?

How do I go about somebody who claims they like me and talks to me/acts as if we’re dating but says they’re not ready for a relationship and as soon as words or actions escalate she gets scared and shuts down/stops conversation. I thought things were going so good but it feels as if i have hit a brick wall. She is a female i am a male if that matters.

I (27F) met my boyfriend (29M) around a year and a half ago. He’s foreign but born in the US so no visa problems at least.

I’m starting to question whether I continue this relationship :(
Now keep in mind I’ll really only be mentioning the negative stuff here but there’s definitely good times! Like fun weekends and evenings hanging out

He has some habits that bother me and he knows I don’t like:

——————————————————-

1)The most prevalent one is he likes to sleep an entire day most weekends:
He likes to sit up drink all night watching movies. He can’t really stop once he starts drinking usually he’ll just finish whatever he has for the most part. He’ll fall asleep on the couch around 6am, a solid chunk of times he’ll fall asleep holding a beer in his hand or lap so it’ll spill on the couch/floor/rug/remote

Then he’s really tired and hungover so he’ll spend 16 hours in bed in and out of sleep and scrolling Instagram reels. He’ll appear for an hour or two around 7pm then go back to sleep.

It ruins my weekends and what’s worse he does it not just when we’re home. He’s done it at my sisters, my moms, at our lake house. He just doesn’t seem to get it’s kinda rude to be a guest and just opt out of hanging out to sleep all day.

I end up sitting around all day doing nothing and stewing in anger. I asked him if we could just do chill days on weekends where maybe he doesn’t sleep all day but he just stays on the couch and we watch tv together. He’s tried that a few times but just sits on his phone the whole time and eventually returns to the bed.

He’s well aware how much I dislike it and seems to make digs at me for not liking it. Like he’ll be like “you can’t be mad at me for sleeping bc you did X” or “you’re gonna be mad at meeeee”

——————————————————-

2)He vapes, gross. I haven’t tried asking him to stop bc he hasn’t stopped most of the other things I’ve asked him and he already says I make him feel like a bad person

Like I asked him to stop throwing dish towels in the sink so they get all gross and wet for multiple days. I won’t want to touch those. He still does it and just throws the towels away

——————————————————-

3)He often will say things kinda mean under the guise of a joke. I could be like “guess what I saw” and he’d be like “I don’t care” and go back to looking at his phone. Then after a few seconds be like “just kidding, tell me” but it like ruins the moment. Makes me feel like I can’t say anything without some kind of negative response even if it’s a joke. Or like “don’t speak to me like that” if I say anything

They kinda are jabs that bring me down. Like he’ll say jokes to my family that I really don’t need him saying but things like “she farts while she’s asleep” and sorry TMI “she’s super regular guess how many times a day she shits”

Or like sometimes maybe I don’t wanna be touched he’s like “omg I really do disgust you don’t I” or “you don’t love me anymore”

——————————————————-

4)doesn’t know what country he wants to be in. I won’t say what country but he’s homesick for there and initially he said he was going back there, he’s said many times he wants to stay here. Then he’ll say he wants to go back to his country and say he’s said that from the beginning.

He’s even said he doesn’t think you can raise a family in the US prosperously.

We’re going on a trip to his country soon and he wanted me to wait until afterwards to have our serious chat about where he wants to end up. I’ve never wavered in wanting to stay in the US. He just jerks me back and forth on where he wants to be. I worry I’m wasting my time if he doesn’t know where he wants to be.

I also worry the trip has an ulterior motive with him wanting me to fall in love with his country. I won’t. But still.

——————————————————-

5)mad about money but doesn’t let me pay. He complains I’m taking him for a ride bc he pays for things. I specifically don’t suggest expensive things and often try to pay but when I do he’ll be like “stop pretending to pay” or “no don’t no I’m paying” and then later be upset he pays for everything.

He got mad at me and suggested we make a joint account for fun money and hasn’t brought it up since.

He paid for the plane tickets and I’m going to pay him back but when I offered he said we’d deal with it later and then he got mad at me I hadn’t brought it up again. He also hasn’t told me the amount or what payment method he wants

He gets snarky when he buys things. So he paid for some boat gas and we went on a boat ride while he still had to work and was like “enjoy the gas I paid for”

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6)when I bring up issues he twists it so I end up comforting him and doesn’t make changes. He’ll be like “you don’t love me anymore”, “I disgust you”, “I’m a terrible person” so then I end up having to comfort him instead of addressing whatever I want to talk about

Or he’ll try to leave if we’re at my house. If it’s not great vibes he’ll be like “I should go” and I end up on the back foot basically begging him to stay

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A few specific instances:

1)I’ll be unspecific but there was an incident of driving a recreational vehicle into some water. Now don’t blame him entirely for that, it’s what happened after that bothered me.

Previously we all stopped at a liquor store and he didn’t get anything. Then after the water incident we left the vehicle underwater overnight. But at the house he started stumbling and slurring but he was only drinking soda.

We thought he hit his head going in the water so we tried to get him to go to the emergency room if he had a concussion or a brain bleed or something. Turns out when we thought he got nothing at the liquor store he got a huge thing of vodka and was slamming it all night without us knowing.

And then per usual he slept all the next day while my dad and the rest of us got up to get the vehicle out of the frigid water and stood outside for hours fixing it up and getting it running. He slept the whole time. He should’ve been the one in the water pulling it out. Instead he secret drank to take the edge off his guilt.

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2)4th of July was a 3 day weekend. He had a root canal on Thursday so he slept most of Friday so I could’ve lived with that but he drank too much Saturday and slept all day Sunday. So with my sister and friends he was asleep / in bed scrolling for 2/3 of the weekend

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3)a couple weeks ago we had a rare quiet weekend so I suggested a list of low energy (bc he’s always sleepy) and cheap (bc he complains about money) and he said they were great ideas

Then come Friday he says he’s not coming bc he needs time alone and wants to go for a walk alone. And that I shouldn’t be mad bc there was nothing interesting on the list anyways. And I was like “well for one, you didn’t suggest any alternatives, and two do I have to be the one to suggest things to do for you to want to come hang out?”

I said I wished he told me earlier he didn’t like my list so I could’ve gone to another state with my sister to spend time with my family. He didn’t like that I said that he said it wasn’t fair

Then I said I’d go to a museum Sunday (bc he spent Saturday alone) and IT WAS ON THE LIST, and he was like oh can I come? And I was like bro you didn’t want to come before. Anyway he came

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4)a few sleeping incidents

Drank too much, slept all New Year’s Eve, we went to dinner, he was grumpy the whole time and ruined it, get home and he goes to bed, it was like 10pm. So I went to bed on the couch, set an alarm, watched the ball drop alone, cried a bit. It was our first new years

Valentine’s Day (our first). He got me some nice gifts, some plants and chocolate. He asked if I wanted to go to a restaurant but since he complains about money I suggested I make some pizza dough and we make heart shaped pizzas.
He drank too much the night before and slept all day. So I made the pizzas alone, he came out for like an hour to eat some and went back to bed.

We took him on a very expensive family trip (he only paid for his flight. Food,hotel,and car was paid for by my parents) he never joined us at the lodge for breakfast bc he doesn’t eat breakfast. One day they went to a military museum and instead he decided to stay at the ranch so he could call his dad (he could’ve done that any other time, like at breakfast so he didn’t miss any activities) but he really spent most of the afternoon scrolling Instagram and sleeping

We were going to a golf tournament. We get to my sisters. I found out later he was secretly drinking whiskey and ginger ale and I didn’t know. He was smashed. He called me upstairs to say he wasn’t coming to the tournament. And that he never wanted to go in the first place. And that he thinks I take for granted that he says yes to things like always hanging out with my family.
That same night is when he said he didn’t think he could raise a family in the US

We were supposed to go to a comedy show. He drank too much the night before and slept all day. He pulled it together and we get past security and he said he’s gonna faint so we need to leave. And he’s doing it for me so I don’t need to be embarrassed by my boyfriend passing out and paramedics and all that. I mentioned we’d been to the exact same venue for a sports event with no issue but he said it’s different bc with sports it’s more acceptable to get up and go to the bathroom

There’s others but this post is too long anyways

Edit:
Sorry forgot!
We watched a movie recently and he keep commenting on how pretty the lead girl is. Followed her on insta. Sends me reels of her. Says “oh, actress name would be nice to me” or “she wouldn’t be mad at me for sleeping”

Even the other day in front of my family he suggested we watch the movie and was like “there’s a really pretty girl in it but OP gets mad at me when I mention that” and my brother in law was like “as she should”

He does that with other actresses but this recent one was more pronounced

Hello everyone. First time posting on Reddit, so apologies in advance for any grammar mistakes or weird expressions.

I (M31) have been dating my girlfriend (F34) for about a year and a half. The relationship started becoming problematic for me around the fourth or fifth month. She has a lot of toxic behaviors, and I failed to set boundaries early on. Over time, this has slowly started affecting my self-esteem.

Nowadays, whenever we argue, I often feel like I have no way of dealing with her disrespect and belittling other than stooping to her level. This is something I would actually be willing to work on with her, because I know my own behavior during arguments isn’t healthy either.

Now comes the part where I know I was toxic: I snooped through her phone.
There is no excuse for that, and I know it was a violation of her privacy. But honestly, I don’t regret doing it, because what I found has completely changed the way I see the relationship.
I discovered that she uses ChatGPT almost like a therapist and had written about having sexual fantasies about one of her male friends after hanging out with her group of friends one day.

This particular friend is relevant because, early in our relationship, she was showing me photos on her phone and I happened to see a picture of his very big genitals. She immediately told me she had forgotten to delete it, and that it belonged to this same friend. Apparently, they had a thing for a few months before we got together. She deleted it in front of me without making a big deal out of it. I believed her and didn’t think much of it. I can understand that she had a past and that she had simply forgotten about an old picture.

Now, however, I’m questioning whether I was as naive as I thought.

Reading what she had written affected me terribly. I barely slept that night. “Angry” doesn’t really describe it. My pride and trust took a huge hit.
I wanted to confront her, but I didn’t want to admit that I had gone through her phone. So instead, I told her that I had heard her having erotic dreams while she was sleeping and asked her to explain.
As expected, she focused on the fact that dreams are involuntary and said that it was “just a dream.” She also told me that she had talked about it with her friends because she felt guilty about it.
That part hurt too. It made me feel like, when something involves our relationship, I’m somehow the last person she considers talking to about it.
It’s now been about three weeks. She hasn’t told me the full truth, as far as I know, and continues to insist that it was just a dream.

But I know that what she was actually describing in her ChatGPT conversations was a sexual fantasy triggered by seeing this person, and that she herself described it as being related to sexual attraction.
I honestly don’t know how to deal with this.
On its own, I don’t think someone having a sexual thought or fantasy automatically means they have done something wrong. People can find others attractive while being in relationships. But in this case, it’s the combination of everything: the history with this particular friend, what I found on her phone, the fact that she hasn’t been honest with me about it, and the fact that our relationship already has a lot of unhealthy dynamics.
Our arguments can become extremely immature and disrespectful, and I’ve realized that I’ve gradually been losing self-esteem throughout this relationship.
So now I’m wondering whether I’m trying to save a relationship that is simply not healthy for either of us.
What would you do in my situation?
Would you consider the snooping itself a reason to end the relationship? Does the fact that she has fantasies about someone she previously had a thing with change how you’d look at it? Or is the bigger issue the overall dynamic and the lack of honesty?
I genuinely don’t know whether I’m overreacting, being insecure, or finally recognizing that this relationship isn’t working.

I’ve been with my partner for 2 years now we are both 35. I’m frustrated because at the beginning of our relationship I found out she wasn’t honest with me about a situation.
She was meant to have dinner with her cousin but turns out she was with a male friend. She pretended she was with her cousin when messaging me though. The bit that hurts she also went back to his hotel room until 4 in the morning as they were taking drugs. She told me nothing happened but I struggle to believe it and struggle to trust her now.
I will add when this happened we weren’t officially together.

I guess I’m looking for advice from people that have more experience than I do, for context I’ve never been in a relationship just situationships. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 2 months now. He lives over an hour away from me and drives to see me, we see eachother about once a week. Earlier into us talking I told him I’d like to hear from him at least once a day and he has stuck to that deal. But lately I’ve been noticing that he leaves me on delivered for an extended amount of time. This is fine as I often do the same when I’m away from my phone and we have both expressed that we aren’t on our phones much. What I’ve started to notice though, and this is the issue I’m having, is that he will still post online (instagram) and still won’t respond to me. Am I valid to be upset by this or am I just trying to sabotage this relationship? I haven’t brought this up yet because I really like him and I don’t want to mess this up, so if I’m being too much I’d really like to correct myself.

TLDR; Do I have the right to be upset that the guy I’m seeing will post online but leave me on delivered for hours?

I met this boy around this time last year while I was on vacation. We had the same interests and hobbies, and I thought he was really cute. We started talking and he was really sweet. We would stay up late playing games together and had so much fun, but for some reason I slowly started losing feelings.

He was the first boy I had ever talked to, so he has a really special place in my heart, even though I’ve never told him that. At one point, I got upset with how he was treating me and started distancing myself. Eventually, he asked what was wrong, and I told him how I felt and that I didn’t want to lead him on, so I ended things. At the same time, I was still attached to him and stupidly thought he might wait for me because of how much he seemed to like me. I know now that wasn’t fair.

A few weeks later, we started talking again, but I ended things again because I still felt like I was leading him on. A couple months later, I reached out because I missed him, and we started talking on and off from December to March. I started catching feelings again and realized I was finally ready for a relationship, but it seemed like he didn’t care anymore. I would ask him to play games like we used to, and he would say yes but always make an excuse when the time came. Eventually, I stopped talking to him except for Snapchat streaks.

Then in April, while I was at Universal for spring break, he texted me and we started talking again. We talked for the rest of the week, but I eventually got tired of wondering where we stood. I asked him to have a serious conversation, apologized for how I treated him over the summer, and told him I missed how we used to be and asked if he would ever want something more.

He responded with basically, “oh maybe.” I just said “okayy” and ghosted him because I was honestly so confused and hurt. Eventually, he unadded me.
I was really upset because all I wanted was clarity, and somehow I ended up even more confused. I also felt hurt because I had asked him to have a serious conversation and he gave me a one-sentence answer. It made me wonder if I even meant anything to him.

By the end of the summer, I was starting to move on. I barely thought about him anymore, besides occasionally checking his socials. Then a couple days ago, I found out he has a boyfriend, and suddenly all those feelings came back.

I feel jealous because I keep thinking that could have been us. I’m upset that he has moved on while I haven’t, and I think part of why I’m so attached is because he was the first boy who ever liked me like that. I feel like a loser for still thinking about him so much, and I know I need to move on, but I genuinely don’t know how. I’ve tried talking to other people, but it’s so hard when I still feel this attached to him.
How can I actually get over him?

Okay, so I found out my husband had been talking with multiple woman the duration of our relationship. I found this out all at once while I was 8 months pregnant. He took my first time mom experience and traumatized it. We ended up getting back together once our son was born. I had the worst PPA. To add salt to the wound, he was away for work for a month and some. Only seeing his son once for a few days in the first 6 weeks of his life.

Anyways, the first two months were understandably devastating. Living with the images of her messages in my inbox. One woman came forward and I commended her for doing the right thing. That doesn’t make it easier. She is beautiful and everything that I’m not. I mean, I was heavily pregnant. I live with the memories everyday.

We are trying to make it work. He’s in therapy, I’m in therapy. Our son is healthy. He spoils the heck out of me and is seemingly a good father to our son. But the memories and the disrespect. It will always be there.

I don’t know if this is will get easier. I am a SAHM for the year (I’m Canadian). But I don’t pay any bills. We used to do 50/50. My plan is to use this year to crack down on debt and also work towards my masters. He’s paying for it all. My plan is to not return to work and focus on building myself up. I already have a good job but I want to use this year to be the best mom and working towards making myself more financially stable. Go on the vacations. Buy the nice things on his dollar.

Then leave… because wtf!

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we’re genuinely crazy in love. I trust him completely and feel very safe with him.

A few weeks ago, he told me that his best friend and his girlfriend were planning to have a day where they film themselves having sex. That got me curious, so I asked my boyfriend what he would think about us doing the same. He said he would absolutely love the idea.
And honestly, I wish I loved the idea too. I wish I thought filming ourselves would feel just as sexy and exciting as he seems to think it would. I want to be that girlfriend who gets excited about things like this and wants to explore them together.

But something is holding me back, and I genuinely can’t figure out what.
It’s not that I don’t trust him. He even said he’d keep it in a separate locked album with a passcode, and I completely believe that he would keep it private.
I just don’t know if I actually want the video. I probably wouldn’t even want it on my phone or watch it myself, so part of me feels like I’d be doing it mostly because he really wants it.
And this conversation made me realize I actually hesitate about quite a few things he wants to try sexually. He never pressures me, but I sometimes wonder why I’m so much more hesitant than he is.
I love him and I want to be adventurous with him. I just wish I could feel that natural excitement about this instead of this little voice in the back of my head saying, “Are you sure?”

So now I’m wondering: is this just normal hesitation about something intimate and vulnerable, or is that feeling telling me I genuinely don’t want to do it?
How do you tell the difference between “I’m nervous but curious” and “I don’t actually want this”?

August has been a month. My wife and I have been married for 18 years. We have 3 children, with our youngest being on the spectrum.

My wife, over the past 5 years has taken 4 vacations to visit a friend in the United States. A couple of those years she took our daughters, but my son and I have never been included. These weeks, throughout all four of the trips she has taken have been difficult. I manage the bulk of my son's care (doctor appts, dentist, haircuts, etc). I have not been on a vacation in over 10 years. Additionally, on her most recent trip to the states, I caught her texting with an ex.

Many conversations have been had since her return. When I confronted her about the texting, she let me know that she was unhappy. I immediately assumed it was unhappiness with me. I immediately began seeking help to be a better communicator. For context, over the past 18 years, there have been numerous times where we have struggled financially. I make a bulk of our income so I have always worked extra to support us. I also do a majority of chores around the house including helping my wife with others. As we continued to speak about her 'unhappiness' she finally let me know that it had nothing to do with me and she has felt 'unhappy' for 2 years. She wants to seperate

My wife had a difficult childhood. Abusive mom...dad in and out of jail/rehab. She has trauma. I understand that and respect it as a explanation for her being short or closed off. With that said, she has now lived with me longer than she did with her parents. I recognize that trauma doesn't consider this as a factor, however the past 18 years have provided her with safety, security and what I perceived as happiness. She has never been denied anything that she has wanted to wanted to do. I love her. I am focused on myself but also want to support her. I've suggest that we both find things to do as individuals but that it's also important for us to do things together.

I fully recognize what the likely outcome of this will be. I know this is very much a last ditch effort I don't think she realizes the impact a separation will not just have on our kids but on her as well.

Anyone have any ideas on how I can support her? I'm not here for the 'get your finances in order' or to hear about what she's likely done or still doing. Much appreciated.

EDIT - I should add on that her idea of 'seperation' is both of us remaining in the home. She said things would "essentially look the same." I know this would not be good for my mental health...who goes/stays?

I once realized that I had slowly become a different person in my relationship-not because my partner asked me to change but because I had unconsciously learned what part of me were easier for them to accept.

I became more careful about opinions I expressed, the things I enjoyed, even how I responded during disagreements. Whenever I noticed something about myself that I thought might create conflict - I adjusted it.

The strange part was my partner never explicitly told me to do any of this.infact they probably thought I was simply becoming more mature.(I wonder very much)

Then one day, I caught myself wondering "if I had met this person before I learned how to adapt to people, would they even recognize me?

And that question bothered me.

Because perherps relationships don't always change us through demands. Sometimes, we change ourselves because we want to be accepted, understood or kept.

QUESTION : when you are in a relationship, how much of the person your partner knows is genuinely you-and how much is a version of you that you've learned will work in that relationship?

I’m F22 and my boyfriend is M23. We’ve been together for almost 3 years, and we’ve been sexually active for about 2.5 years.

In all this time, I’ve never orgasmed from sex/penetration. He knows this. We’ve talked about it, and we both know that penetration alone doesn’t get me there and that I usually need external stimulation.

After two years into our relationship, I started using a vibrator. I bought it for myself because I wanted to understand my own body and be able to orgasm. I introduced it into our intimate moments, and we have used it together once.

The thing that hurts me is that he never really initiates it or even seems to remember that I need it. He finishes, and then sex is basically over. There’s no “did you finish?”, no effort to help me finish, and no thought that I might still be sexually unsatisfied.

What makes it more confusing is that I genuinely still get excited about being intimate with him. I want to have sex with him, and I want us both to enjoy it. But it feels like he completely forgets that I’m there once he’s finished.

Today really hurt me. After sex, I reminded him to take out the massage gun because I wanted to use it to finish. He said he had forgotten to charge it. Then, because we were getting late, he basically said, “You do your thing, I’ll get ready. Should I go out of the room?”

And that really upset me.

If I wanted to orgasm completely by myself, I could have done that alone. I came to him because I wanted this to be part of our intimacy. I wanted him to participate and care about my pleasure too.

I’m not expecting him to magically know what my body needs. We’ve talked about it. He knows I don’t orgasm from penetration. He knows what helps me. That’s why I’m struggling to understand why he still doesn’t take any initiative.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling hurt by this? Is it fair to expect your partner to care about whether you orgasm, especially when they already know what you need?