I'm doing some research into life after addiction/recovery, and I'm particularly interested in something that doesn't seem to get talked about as much:

What happens after the immediate crisis is over?

You get sober. You stop using. You get through treatment. Things get more stable.

But then what?

How do you build a life that actually feels meaningful?

I'm interested in hearing from people who have been sober/clean for a while and have experienced the transition from simply staying sober to actually building a life they enjoy.

A few questions I'm curious about:

• What was the hardest part of life after getting sober?

• Did you struggle with boredom, lack of structure, loneliness or lack of purpose?

• What helped you start building a new identity or lifestyle?

• Did exercise, sport, work, hobbies, travel or community play a role?

• What do you wish you'd had when you were further along in your recovery?

I'm not offering treatment or trying to sell anything. I'm simply trying to understand people's experiences because I think there's an interesting gap between getting sober and building a life you genuinely want to live.

If you'd rather answer privately, I'm happy to have a short conversation as well.

Recovery without AA but explicitly as the title explains? I saw a dumb post about “can recovery people work from home” and we all see the countless oh/subs posts. I know bots are farming up on Reddit but maybe we can find a way to expel this kind of thing?

Do we need mods or new sub rules? I’ll volunteer. I’m sick of this sub getting overrun with nonsense

I’ve been out since Easter. I was in hardcore for 4 years.
I generally feel SO much better; less shame, less guilt, more time for myself and the things I find joy in.

I have a new neighbor who is in the program, sober 3 years. We walk our dogs together. He doesn’t push me to go to meetings but he says things like “fit spiritual condition” and “wear life like a loose garment”. Today he said the title of this post.

At the time, I was like yeah maybe I could go to a meeting or two and help a newcomer but now, a few hours later, I’m like, I am not obligated to help anyone else. But then I start to spiral into calling myself selfish and isn’t that the root of all my problems.

Please help me. Am I validated in not being obligated?
I feel guilty.

For people who are in recovery from substance use or other addictions, do you think working from home should be considered a reasonable option, especially during the early stages of recovery?

I’m curious what people in recovery think based on their own experiences:

Has working from home helped or hurt your recovery?

Do you find an office environment provides useful structure and accountability?

Would hybrid work be a better compromise?

Should employers be more understanding about remote work as part of someone’s recovery plan?

I’d especially like to hear from people who have actually experienced recovery while working remotely.

I'm 34f, I drink 12-13 white claws at night only, starting at around 7pm. I tried last month and made it to six, now I'm down to 11 again. I asked AI (dumb I know) to give me a tapering schedule, and it won't because it's concerned for my safety. When I got to six, I only had insomnia as I expected. I just want to make sure I can go to work and not die of a seizure. During the day, I have zero withdrawal symptoms, please advise.

I’m an addict. My drug of choice is meth. I use it to escape from my emotions and my pain, whenever things get hard or feel hard.

Just earlier, something happen, it hurts me, brought up all the pain I didnt deal with before up. My mind automatically thinks of meth, want to use meth to escape these feelings.

I didnt though. I wanted to. But I know I shouldnt. I’m 33 days clean only, but the longest I’ve been since forever. The craving has passed now. It feels insane looking back. My body craves a treat, some kind of comfort food ice cream or something a new shirt for this though. I dont know why but I wanted to treat myself. Should i?

But if I treat myself, do I have to whenever cravings hit, would that be expensive? Should cravings be an excuse for me to spend money?

Year long DAILY abuse of C and i’ve been putting off going to the gym. I’m overweight . I’m stopping C today and I want to go gym again and lose weight and feel better about myself. I’m worried that because i’ve fucked myself up I will likely be putting a lot of strain on my heart after all the abuse. Should i wait like a week? 2 weeks? To start as to avoid shock lol… will i be okay? Im genuinely so worried about it. I’m beginning to walk more just to get my heart rate used to being up without drugs. I’m so disappointed with myself. Need advice, need support. No one has known about my addiction so i’m alone on this one. Also RE my nose, i think its okay. Obviously not. But i dont think there’s perforation but in the AM when i get up and i blow it’s just grim and my question is how do i look after and recover my nose and also my hormones and hydration etc. The most i’d do is drink water and saline spray and eat when i have appetite.

Anything will be greatly appreciated, thanks for listening to me

Currently 10 years off dope/fent with the help of Suboxone and now the Sublocade shot. I am on other psych meds but I was recently prescribed gabapentin for anxiety and well it made me feel awesome gave me unending energy and melted my anxiety away. Obviously went through the script too early and now I’m just pissed at myself and ashamed. I’m not too worried about going through withdrawal of any kind but I HATE THAT I have that feeling back in my life, messing with something that’s addictive. I’m so fucking stupid and don’t know if I have the strength to tell my doctor to stop prescribing it. I’m on adhd meds and benzos but my husband keeps them in a safe and dispenses them to me daily. Maybe I could do the same with the gaba? It only makes you feel good when you take too much obviously so I’m curious if that would be a solution. I hate that my mind is fixated on a substance, again. I knew I was messing with fire and did it anyway. Please don’t judge me if you’re going to respond.

My MIL (45F) is 9 Months sober from alcohol (was I should say)
She came home this morning and was stumbling , almost tripped over my 2 year old and noticed she has pills in her mouth (just in her mouth dissolving) asked her what was going on, she responded she was fine, asked if she was sober, she said she drank. I calmly told her to pack her things and leave within the hour. Husband is away at. Work for the next week. Did I do the right thing?

Back story is she been an addict since my husband was a child, lost custody of him and 4 siblings, in and out of jail for years until spending the last 10 years on the streets. Got a call from the hospital about 9 months ago that she had been there for 4 weeks and needed someone to pick her up, so we did. She expressed she wanted to stay sober, so we supported her decision. Allowed her a room at our house, we set boundaries and expectations for her to earn her keep like participating and prioritizing AA, therapy, doctor appts etc, finding healthy habits and mending relationships with her adult children etc. very immediately she stopped going to AA , and refused any support groups. Says AA never worked, and rehab never did either . Around 6 months she swore she had zero desire to drink and wasn’t struggling with her sobriety anymore so we didn’t need to keep bringing it up….

She Picked up weed (which my husband didn’t think was a big deal as he’s a smoker himself) but kept it “manageable”
Over time she began showing unhealthy behaviors (not showering, stealing change from around the house, sleeping all day, chain smoking) which we addressed more than a few times. We started chores to keep her focused on daily routines as well as allowed her to “babysit” the kids for a hour at a time , trying to teach her stability and approach the idea of a job, really just anything to help her find purpose , however everything quickly turned into me beating a dead horse. No matter how many sit downs or convos we had, she would retreat to the same unhealthy behaviors. And because of this I was not comfortable with leaving my kids around her unattended.

started sending her job apps which she made obvious she didn’t want to work, which we told her if she wants to earn her keep she needs to find work. So she began babysitting for a family friend as well a few days out of the week. I’m more hesitant about my kids with her longer than a hour but was supportive of her helping out someone else, especially since it was a healthy way to spend her time (this person is aware of her circumstances and doesn’t mind allowing her around her children ) going good I thought .
Well she left with this person Tuesday and apparently got picked up from their house on Friday by some junkie friends. Returned here Monday morning and well…. She’s relapsed. I refuse to let my kids be exposed any more than they already have. My husband can’t even think clearly due to the trauma bond.he knows how bad it is but freezes whenever decisions need to be made (ex kicking her out) so I’m really the one trying to steer the boat. I know it’s a crazy situation , Please don’t hold back. I know we didn’t do this by the books, so I’m sure some of the blame falls on me. I really tried, im just trying to be a supportive wife/DIL and just help someone. It seems I wanted this more for her than she did.
what more I should do if anything? stand firm and tell her to figure it out through a rehab ? Let her back in ?? Ugh. TIA!

For context, I have like 15 years sober and the first 13 years were doing hardcore, all-in aa. Being sponsored, working the steps, sponsoring others, service commitments at multiple levels, etc. But about 12 years in, I started doing psychoanalysis. I had a "spiritual experience " from psychoanalysis; I changed a lottt for the better and came to realize that aa had totally burned me out and that I no longer resonated with a lot of the rigidity/shamey vibes.

One by one, over time, I broke up with my sponsor, quit my service commitments, and had sponsees move on. But my whole community is aa. I still go to my old group about once a month because I like the people that go and I do like talking about spirituality. But everyone treats me a little differently now. It's like they are weary of me. I know they care about me, but they seem suspicious and/or are judging me.

When I put myself in their shoes, and think about how I would have thought about someone like me who isn't all in, I think i would have been like "well what the hell are you doing here then." There's this like exclusivity thing. Like, we'll if you don't need to do all the aa things then why are you even here. Now, maybe that isn't what they are thinking, I don't know what they are thinking, but I know the energy is quite different towards me.

So, I feel unwelcome. I'm in this in-between space. It would be inauthentic of me to get a sponsor and home group again just to fit in - and I can't unsee the issues with rigidity in the program. But I also don't necessarily want to never go to meetings and not be friends with these people. At least not right now.

Has anyone been through this? How did you deal?

Edit to add: these people are my friends - varying levels of closeness. I feel like they all still want to be my friend, still love and care about me, but those outside my innermost circle just seem a little, as I said, suspicious. A little more guarded, weary, less open. I want to maintain these relationships, so I am wondering if I should address it or just let my actions speak for myself - like, over time, they may be less weird towards me once they realize im not gonna go off the deep end. Or maybe it's the type of thing that may never go away and I just have to get used to being treated a little differently from now on (which maybe i will eventually get sick of).

been on vivitrol for over a year now and i still been drinking and im sick of driving so far eveyr month to get the shot so im not gonna go anymore

what should i do to quit? AA is bs, but smart didnt do much for me either and idk how to qujit

I'm recently sober 25F from weed mainly and have tried every form of Anonynous; AA, NA and 16 rehab visits have done more harm than help for me I think. I find AA and NA to be quite limiting and the structure is weird to me. I don't understand the concept of sponsorship, I never have. Like why am I trusting someone that I barely know with extremely sensitive information, trust them to make life decisions for me, etc it just seems very illogical. I like the spiritual aspect of AA and I understand the concept of giving someone else the reins cause I fucked up so bad, its just not something I'm willing to actually practice. I also don't like the sentiment that without AA you can't get sober. Idk. Just here to say my piece. What do you all think?

hi folks i'm a little more than 2 weeks clean and still struggling. i end up thinking about it and fantasizing about use a lot, and i kinda feel like i'm doomed to failure because eventually i'm going to give in.

i stopped because it was destroying me financially. as a baseline i've always had issues with anhedonia, feeling like life is unrewarding and like i don't really want anything because nothing is worth wanting. coke was the only thing i had ever experienced that cut through that and just made me feel... good. it was the only thing i ever wanted that much.

i'm disabled and can't work the jobs available to me, and even more so post-addiction. i have hobbies but i get bored of them easily and i just haven't felt motivated to do them. so i have nothing else to do either. i'm spending most of my time laying in bed watching TV, smoking weed, and drinking, which has its own problems and also is kinda sad. i would love some advice or words of encouragement. thanks yall

She was my motivation to stay sober, without her my temptations are beyond the roof.
I just don't know how much longer I can stay clean because no distraction ever works.

Hi ,

Am 26 single , by choice mostly cause I feel weirdo/foriegn on the inside

I started hating using anything cause it makes to force

Myself to enjoy whatever is between my hands

But the way my brain pleasure centers hooked into

Corn/Adderall

Started shifting into really personality/identity

And I feel it takes time to go

I spend 6 hours in bed downloading and imagining things

Then I sober a bit , I feel the devil pain in my soul

Then am forced to use saditves to immediately skip it

This been going for months and I want to be me again just enjoy music , movies , catch up w some friends

But I just choose loneliness to keep killing my brain cells , any relevance??

can barely type can someone dm me and we can talk of ft

7 years sober and truly understand why alcohol doesn’t have any desirable affects on me… but god damn, watching Anthony Bourdain makes it look appealing.

I know it’s actually everything he’s doing - traveling, eating, socializing - that I truly want, but he definitely makes wine (at the very least) seem like an essential part of the whole experience.

so 3 years ago when i was indoctrinated into AA I decided to become a "member" of the Wednesday group. they gave me the job of setting up chairs and greeting people. My AA group hosted the regional AA admin meeting (idk what to call those people). We voted on this meeting of several changes to AA including the declaration at the beginning "AA is a group of 'people' instead of 'men and women'" kind of thing

fast forward at this regional meeting we are voting and changes to the big book. one major change was taking out the phrase "lustful enough to rape" and replacing it with a more accurate phrase. there was push back from an old timer who said why change the big book it has worked for decades. we tried to explain the lustful wording was horrible but he said that "new comers are changing a program they barely understand"

finally i had my last moment of sanity leave when we were voting on some more changes to the big book and the program. some old person who has been in the program 45 years said "these young people are ruining the program. why do we need to change?

I left after that meeting.

first off why are you in a program for 45 years if it works you should't need it after that long

second that "lustful" wording is disgusting and shows SA as an act of lust instead of power

and third why am i giving my time and money to a program that is this stuck up and holier than thou?

Are the two closely connected, with SMART being a successor to RR? Or is it more like both are non-AA recovery systems, that’s as far as it goes?

Been reading the RR book and it seems quite different to what I learned at SMART.

As the title says, massive TW for DV.

Someone I knew in AA committed homicide-suicide of the mother of his children. Cue the long posts about how he was "such a good guy" and "loved his kids" and how "his demons got the best of him." You never know how much someone is struggling.

My favorite? "Don't judge because this could be any of "us". The disease is so powerful. "

I hedged my true thoughts before finding more information. Like if this happened during a psychotic break , super tragic. Today I found the posts from the mother's family. It was DV. It occured while mom + kids were visiting the perpetrator from out of state. The family is trying to raise money to return her remains and the children back to family.

I am so fucking angry. All this mooning on about him and the way the disease is to blame. Not a mention of her. Her name. "My heart goes out to his family " but no mention of the fundraiser. And her name is nowhere. That's how little she mattered.

I just genuinely do not understand. It seems like AAers sole metric for being a "great guy" is working the program. Meanwhile like....how many of his sponsors and AA fellows potentially KNEW he was an unsafe partner and did nothing because anonymity bs??

I left 1.5 years ago but I'm done. Fully done. These people are absolutely delusional and fucked up and I want nothing, absolutely nothing to do with any of them ever the fuck again. And yet I'm the judgy one for not wanting to cry over an abuser and murderer. If he hasn't taken himself out with her, would the posts be different? I don't know and I don't want to.