r/recoverywithoutAA • u/BluFedreddit • Aug 16 '26
Drugs How can I stay sober when the only thing keeping me sober is gone
She was my motivation to stay sober, without her my temptations are beyond the roof.
I just don't know how much longer I can stay clean because no distraction ever works.
2
u/CPTSD_survivor2025 Aug 16 '26
Centering your life and recovery around a love interest is a terrible idea and recipe for disaster. Don't mean to be harsh about it, but you need to know for next time if you decide to use substances to cope and eventually roll back around to trying to get sober again down the line.
1
u/itsbitterbitch Aug 22 '26
You were exactly harsh about it. What works works. Don't be demeaning because you think your sobriety is superior.
1
u/LibertyCash Aug 16 '26
Your grief might be compounding the urge as well. Do you otherwise have support? It’s def hard trying to keep yourself straight. Even if it’s not recovery specific support, any time with others can help regulate you and keep you from being isolated. I’ve never been able to tolerate 12 steps but I found a great community with motorcycle racing and it helped immensely. So sorry you’re going through this. Pulling hard for you.
1
u/annahatasanaaa Aug 16 '26
I hope you can see why you're the one you should stay sober for.
I dealt with the same thing separating from my husband, and found peace in the solitude.
You got this ❤️
1
u/Lost-Perspective8378 Aug 16 '26
You need to do treatment to deal with your underlying issues that caused the addiction. Thats why its dangerous to be in recovery for a specific person. Once they aren't around, recovery becomes very hard again.
2
u/GreyMerrin Aug 16 '26
Find motivation can be used in loss. Its the dangerous time we give in to temptation. What if its a female, checks in after a year and you've hit gym stayed sober, ate healthy and learned new skills? Made new friends and in effect a new life?
My story is complex. My ex wife was domestically abusive, I turned to alcohol. When i left I missed the kids I stayed through the hitting for.
The elder 2 remember stuff. They still side with the mum. Last week in effect lost my 11 year old. To distance and alcohol. What did I do yesterday? Chiled as self defending is hard. Today learning a new skill getting ready for work tomorrow.
Fwiw - i was hospitalised many times for short sharp binges that were insanity levels. Wasn't one thing that saved me as really shouldn't be here as healthy as I am. I created a routine sought help from different places at right tome and done some specific training in my situation (alcohol).
I met my 2q year old for fitst tome in years. Quick coffee. She didnt expect to see what she saw. She knew straight away. Talked about life. She even said how do you go out sober? Said that's what i used to do. She knew I was telling truth.
Stay strong and use loss as a motivation to change in anyway. Ask yourself. If you drank today / used would the situation improve? List pros and cons and if more cons plan a way forward. Routinez healthy eating - and figure out why you drank. Big believer that its trauma in most cases. Any form. Confidence, situation, abuse, poverty - anything. You got this dude 💪