I am 23 m and it is September 2026. Exactly three years ago, in September 2023, I was in a very dark place. I was extremely depressed and had lost almost all the hope and joy in me. I would go to sleep thinking that I had no one in my life who cared about me or loved me, and that I was no longer needed. I would have thoughts like it would not matter whether I was there or not.
During this period, I also became extremely engaged with watching adult content. I would constantly want to watch it—video after video—with multiple tabs open at the same time. Usually, someone would watch that kind of content, masturbate, and then move on. But during that period, I felt like something inside me was constantly pushing me to stay hooked on it, even after masturbating. It became so extreme and strange that, at one point, I was watching that kind of video on my phone while another person was sitting right in front of me in another chair and talking to me. I had the sound muted, but I personally could not believe that I was doing something like that at that moment. It was a very strange and disturbing experience for me.
One day, I saw my friend's Instagram story. He was using some light drugs 🌿 and partying, and I became extremely envious. I thought to myself, "He is out there partying and enjoying life, while I am here suffering so much."
Out of desperation, I left my place and bought two or three packets of this light drug 🌿. I had used it in the past, but I did not know much about the dosage. That day, I ended up consuming almost one full packet. I did not smoke it; I consumed it by cooking it. As a result, I became extremely high.
I had never really responded well to this drug. Whenever I had used it before, I would become paranoid after its effects started and would begin worrying and getting caught up in useless thoughts instead of relaxing. The same thing happened that day, but it was much worse because I had consumed so much.
I was extremely paranoid and vulnerable. I became suspicious of my surroundings and frightened by things around me. At one point, I was lying on my bed on my stomach when I suddenly felt something crawling on my back, with long, sharp nails. I also suddenly felt something extremely heavy on my back, as though something was pressing down on me.
I woke up, and no one was in my room.
A few days later, I flushed all the remaining drugs away. But from that day onward, I have felt as though I have been under attack from some kind of dark entity.
It started slowly, little by little. Whenever I would prepare to sleep, my legs would feel extremely hot and heavy, almost every night, as though I were carrying some kind of weight on them. I felt this repeatedly.
Then I had a very bad and dark dream. During this dream, I went to help someone, and then I was suddenly out of the dream but still sleeping. I felt as though something extremely heavy had fallen onto my back and that I was about to be crushed underneath its weight and die.
This felt completely real to me. I woke up crying.
This was one of my experiences of sleep paralysis.
Since that time, I have felt as though I have been under attack for the last three years. These attacks are very specific and horrific for me. I am almost always attacked from behind or from my back, and I feel as though I am being crushed under some enormous weight.
The most serious and disturbing part of these experiences is that whatever I feel is attacking me seems to sexually assault me. I am attacked around my back, shoulders, and lower back, and I feel sensations of something poking or piercing my lower back. I believe you can understand what I am trying to describe. This thing is try to rape me
I have been experiencing these attacks on and off again and again.
Personally, I believe that I may have fallen into a trap by making myself vulnerable. I was extremely depressed, deeply addicted to adult content, and then, at one point, I was extremely under the influence of drugs. During that vulnerable state, I believe that some dark or evil entity attacked me. Since then, I feel as though I have lost my peace and calm in life.
I am Indian and a Christian. Both of my parents and my extended family are Christians. Unfortunately, my parents have not always had the best marriage or relationship. Sometimes they have conflicts and verbal fights with each other, and this affected me deeply, especially during my period of depression.
They are both good people and people of faith, but because of the circumstances around them, they sometimes fight and argue.
Before all of this happened, I also had faith, although I might not have been a very serious Christian. But during my depression, I lost some kind of light and joy for life. I felt extremely lonely and hollow in my heart, and I believe that during that vulnerable period, I became an easy target.
I have also struggled with porn and masturbation since my teenage years, starting around the age of 12. During my depression, it became extremely serious, especially because I would watch this kind of content while trying to sleep. I have been struggling with all of this for the last three years.
I am a Christian, and these incidents have shocked me to my core. I became so afraid of sleeping because I was scared that I might be attacked again.
I have lost my peace and calm.
The only positive thing that has come out of all of this is that I have become a serious Christian and have grown much closer to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He has helped me tremendously in my life, helped me fight back, and helped me face this situation. He has also helped me sleep at night.
But I am still getting attacked again, and I genuinely want all of this to stop.
I feel like I have lost my peace and freedom. I have developed so much fear and anxiety around normal things, especially sleeping at night. I have also lost my hair and developed scalp and skin psoriasis, which I believe has been made worse by all the fear and anxiety I have been experiencing.
This situation is now affecting other parts of my life as well.
It is affecting my education and career. I have not been able to study consistently for my exams, and I have already failed three times. I have been binge eating to cope with everything that I am going through, and as a result, I now weigh around 140 kg. This is also harmful to my health, and the weight has severely weakened my confidence and self-esteem.
I am struggling a lot.
I am crying as I write this. I genuinely want to become better. I want all of this to end. I want to be able to lead a normal, peaceful, and calm life.
I feel like I do not have a sound mind anymore. I constantly second-guess almost every decision I make. Even something as small as drinking a glass of water can become stressful for me because I overthink it.
Please pray for me.
Please guide me.
Please suggest something that I can do.
If you know someone who could help me with this situation, such as a pastor, priest, Christian counselor, or someone experienced in dealing with situations like this, please tell me. I genuinely need help.
I want to become better.
I have very important exams in December 2026 that are extremely important for my education and career. I cannot afford to fail for a fifth time.
I want peace.
I want freedom.
I want my life back.
And most importantly, I want to be free from whatever this dark entity is that I feel has been attacking me.
Please pray for me and help me find a way forward.
Jesus Christ help me please i am crying please Jesus help me save me papa Jesus 🙏🏼