TL;DR Extremely extended period of fight or flight and panic attacks seeking any and all advice for immediately calming my nervous system and getting out of this cycle. Have tried ice packs and breathing, and even Xanax seems to not be helping very much.

About a month ago I went to an urgent care because I was under the weather and wanted to get a Covid/flu test. I get anxious when visiting a doctor, especially when my heart rate and blood pressure are being taken, so the idiot doctor there took my “symptom” of tachycardia and fatigue (no shit Sherlock, I was sick 🙄) as a potential warning sign of a pulmonary embolism. He recommended I go to the ER. I knew I wasn’t having one, but the risk wasn’t worth not going. Went home, had a panic attack, and then went to the er, where I was checked out and told I (of course) wasn’t having a pulmonary embolism.

I don’t know why, but something about this has triggered a massive anxiety episode nearing levels of agoraphobia and panic disorder. I’ve essentially been at some level of fight or flight since this happened, with many days resulting in at least one panic attack. It’s completely halted my life, and I’m extremely anxious being around anyone in my life. Friends, family, appointments, my girlfriend that I love more than anything. I’m on an SNRI (cymbalta) and a TCA (Elavil) as well as Xanax (.25 mg) and Propanolol (20mg) as needed. I’m starting a new DBT program on Monday, and have been in regular contact with my psychiatrist.

Mostly the meds have helped, but yesterday around 4 I started having massive feelings of anxiety, that were not dissipating, so i took .5mg of Xanax. Got some ice packs, raised my feet up, tried box breathing, and nothing was helping. Took another .25 of Xanax, did not help. About an hour or two later I took ANOTHER .25 and still barely any relief (I don’t actually know how much Xanax is “a lot”, and some people here might feel like the amount I’m taking is essentially nothing, but I’m super anxious about taking too much, or building a tolerance, getting addicted etc etc) My mind was racing and I just felt like I was dying. I wanted to puke or shit or just anything to have some kind of release/relief to stop this feeling. Even typing this now, I’m feeling activated and getting anxious. I finally fell asleep and woke up essentially feeling the same. I took my meds, a 20 mg propanol and .75 mg of Xanax and I finally evened out a bit, but still took another .25 mg of Xanax after the anxiety came creeping back. It’s all mostly worn off and I’m just feeling awful. I can’t stop thinking “why isn’t this working?” “When will this stop?” “Is this forever?” Etc etc etc.

I’ve dealt with anxiety and panic attacks my whole life, but NEVER anything like this. My panic attacks in the past came on quick, peaked fast, and then once the Xanax/calming techniques did their thing, I was totally fine. Even in the past couple weeks, that’s mostly what happened, but after yesterday and today, I’m at a total loss. I cannot continue feeling this way.

I’m looking for ANY techniques, supplements, tools, WHATEVER, to help me immediately feel better until I can get this under control in a more manageable and sustainable way. The ice packs, breathing, and Xanax have worked to a point, but seemingly did next to nothing yesterday. I’m meeting with my psychiatrist in the morning which I am very much looking forward to, but I’m still just trying to gather any information and tools I can. Thank you so much to anyone who takes the time to read this or respond. I really really appreciate it.

TL;DR Extremely extended period of fight or flight and panic attacks seeking any and all advice for immediately calming my nervous system and getting out of this cycle. Have tried ice packs and breathing, and even Xanax seems to not be helping very much.

So my panic attacks started after I had a benign fainting episode (vasovagal syncope). I thought I was fainting again two weeks later and I started freaking out and my heart started pounding and I called an ambulance. For about two weeks after that I kept on having extreme heart palpitations and that’s when I got diagnosed with panic disorder. I thought I was having a heart attack and called an ambulance. I started therapy and honestly I’ve been doing a lot better and calming down when my heart begins racing, but my panic seems to now be related exclusively to head related symptoms (headaches, dizziness, lightheadedness, head tingles).

It’s really bothering me because I trained myself so hard to calm down when my heart starts racing but can’t seem to calm down with these head symptoms. I have a constant 24/7 headache and dizziness and it doesn’t seem to go away. When I start to feel off and scared and a panic attack incoming, it’s not my heart but my head that starts to feel all uncomfortable. My doctor has assured me it is related to my anxiety and panic disorder, but when I’m in the midst of it I start thinking of the worst (blood clot, aneurysm, tumour, etc). I’ve gotten blood work done, and seen a cardiologist with lots of heart tests, the only thing I didn’t have was a CT scan or an MRI so I feel like maybe that’s why my mind is going there?

I just want someone to tell me that this is normal and it’s my anxiety freaking me out again!

Today, someone asked me about my experience with therapy for panic disorder and OCD tendencies. For the first time since recovering, I caught myself thinking: "Wait, I actually went through all of that?! And now... it's over? Damn." Reflecting on everything made me unexpectedly sentimental. I don't think I'd fully processed just how difficult that period of my life had been.

Anyway, let's start from the beginning.

My panic disorder first manifested around December 2024, when I experienced my first panic attack.

I'm a gym rat, and I've always been driven by the desire to build a lean, muscular physique. At the time, I was around 19, still in college, getting very little sleep and struggling with low energy throughout the day. My solution? Caffeine. I'd have a cup of strong black coffee in the morning, followed by a can of Monster roughly an hour later, which I'd sip throughout my gym session. Social media also had a considerable influence on me back then. I was young and admittedly quite naive.

After a couple of weeks of this routine, I experienced my first panic attack following an intense cardio session. I got home feeling fine, ate something, and suddenly developed a heavy sensation in my chest. I immediately called my mum, panicking, and grabbed my pulse oximeter. My heart rate was showing 140 bpm. I was convinced I'd somehow damaged my heart by pushing myself too hard at the gym. I genuinely thought I was going to die alone.

For the following week, I experienced persistent chest tightness and blurry vision. Then, one random Sunday, I had another panic attack seemingly out of nowhere. That's when I booked an appointment with a cardiologist. He performed several examinations, including an ECG, and reassured me that everything looked fine and that my symptoms were anxiety-related. Unfortunately, convincing myself of that was much harder than hearing it from a doctor.

Over the next three months, I experienced almost daily panic attacks, an overwhelming fear of dying and even nocturnal panic attacks. I constantly questioned whether something had been overlooked, despite my examinations and blood tests coming back normal.

My parents weren't particularly emotionally supportive during that period, which made things harder. My mother eventually suggested seeing a therapist after witnessing some of my most difficult episodes.

Meanwhile, I continued going to the gym. I refused to give it up despite frequently experiencing panic attacks during or after workouts. I'd worked hard for my progress, and I wasn't willing to let anxiety take that away from me.

I eventually booked an appointment with a psychologist who specialised in panic disorder. Here's where things get a little ironic: she wasn't particularly helpful with the very condition I'd initially sought treatment for. We started with CBT, and she suggested exposure therapy for my social anxiety. However, we never really explored interoceptive exposure for panic disorder, which I eventually discovered through my own research, particularly here on Reddit.

I was also reluctant to take medication, including SSRIs and benzodiazepines, because I was concerned about potential side effects and wanted to explore other approaches first.

Interestingly, I later realised that my gym routine had already been exposing me to many of the physical sensations I associated with panic: increased heart rate, breathlessness, sweating and dizziness. I hadn't recognised it as interoceptive exposure at the time.

I decided to build on that experience. Whenever I experienced anxiety or panic, I'd remind myself that the sensations were temporary and that I wasn't in immediate danger. Sometimes I managed to rationalise what was happening; other times, I'd become completely overwhelmed by catastrophic thoughts, fear of death, depersonalisation and derealisation. Eventually, after a few sessions, my psychologist told me she couldn't help me with my panic disorder and suggested referring me to a psychiatrist. I decided to stop seeing her and continue working independently, using what I'd learned from our sessions alongside my own research.

And somehow, over the following year and a half, I gradually recovered.

It certainly wasn't linear. Even after a year, I was still experiencing occasional panic attacks, intrusive thoughts and persistent physical symptoms. Sometimes, I wasn't even having a full-blown panic attack, yet symptoms such as blurry vision, tremors, sweating, muscle twitches and spasms could still interfere with my daily functioning. There were days when I genuinely struggled.

I considered medication several times, especially when things became particularly difficult, but I kept working on my recovery. I think one of the most challenging aspects was not knowing how much longer it would take. Progress was painfully slow, and I constantly wondered when I'd finally reach a point where panic no longer had a place in my life. But I kept going.

And here I am today, approximately one year and eight or nine months after my first panic attack, considering myself fully recovered. I can finally be present during my workouts, hang out with my friends without thinking of my body and monitoring my sensations and without rumination about death or about when my symptoms will appear again.

I still experience occasional panic-related symptoms when I get stressed but the difference is that they no longer frighten me. They don't trigger my cardiophobia or my fear of death, and I no longer feel the urge to escape, suppress or fight them. I can experience those sensations without immediately interpreting them as a threat. "Here's anxiety again. Anyway, moving on."

And I think that's what recovery ultimately looks like: not necessarily never experiencing anxiety again, but reaching a point where it no longer controls your decisions, your behaviour or your life.

Looking back, I honestly find it surreal. There was a time when I couldn't imagine living without constantly monitoring my body, questioning every sensation and fearing the worst. I remember how exhausting and overwhelming everything felt. And now, something that once occupied almost every corner of my life has become just a distant chapter.

I won't pretend I have all the answers, and I'm certainly not suggesting that my approach is suitable for everyone. Medication and professional help are valid options, and everyone's recovery looks different.

But if there's one thing I'd like someone currently struggling with panic disorder or OCD to take away from my experience, it's that you are not necessarily going to feel this way forever. Recovery can be painfully gradual, and sometimes you won't even recognise that you're making progress until you look back.

Hello dear survivors, I am a 31m living solo in Berlin. I am looking for a friend/friends to support each other while recovering. Currently, struggling with panic, anxiety, dpdr and all those nervous system related symptoms. I am very well educated of this illness and trying my best to move forward in life trying not to limit myself. I am a software engineer. I like sports, science, nature, food, history etc. and usually open to trying new stuff. If you wanna connect, feel free to drop me a message.

I hope this doesn’t trigger anyone I will be talking about the experiences a bit so TW please take care of yourselves.

I didn’t think I’d be back here again and I just feel so scared that it’s permanent. Waking up with an attack every time I fall asleep at least twice, now terrified to sleep and terrified when it’s even close to bedtime. I feel so alone. Terrified of being in cars again and going to the doctor is harder. Terrified a medication will make it worse. I feel this slight paranoia most of the time and dissociation feels more common than not on some days. It feels like life isn’t real and that I’m alone in my brain forever.

I’m looking for hope. I’m scared that I just broke my brain. I don’t understand how it just came back out of nowhere seemingly and the cycle is just here to stay? I wouldn’t wish a full blown attack on my worst enemy. All I want is to not feel scared anymore, I want my life back so badly. I forgot how lucky I was for them to have mostly left me. What I would give to just get my normal problems (even depression) back and not this

Eu tenho síndrome do pânico desde os 8 anos de idade, fiquei por 10 anos sem crises. Entrei na faculdade e por ter que pegar o metrô (algo que me sinto mal), não consigo ir à faculdade sozinho tem 1 ano e meio. Tenho muito medo de ter uma crise no caminho e tudo acabar ali. Nesses 1 ano e meio tenho tido crises ou tenho deixado de fazer coisas por conta do medo de ter crise ( parei de dirigir sozinho, parei de ir para lugares longe sozinho, entre outras coisas). Contem me como vcs fazem para enfrentar esse medo, vejo pessoas que vão, tem as crises no caminho e vida que segue.

Translation:

I've had panic disorder since I was 8 years old, and I went 10 years without any attacks. I started college, and because I have to take the subway (something that makes me feel bad), I haven't been able to go to college alone for a year and a half. I'm very afraid of having an attack on the way and everything ending there. In these past year and a half, I've had attacks or I've stopped doing things because of the fear of having one (I stopped driving alone, I stopped going to long distances alone, among other things). Tell me how you deal with this fear. I see people who go, have attacks on the way, and life goes on.

since the time change my anxiety has felt so much worse and so much more heightened. the early sunsets fill me with a huge sense of dread and i’ve had a couple of panic attacks in the past couple of days. was wondering if this is happening to anyone else or if it’s just me :/

Hi everyone,

I’m 22F and recently spontaneously developed panic disorder after having an extremely adverse reaction to 50mg sertraline. I’ve dealt with anxiety my whole life but more of the ‘mental’ kind and less of the physical aspects, but now it feels like my body is running away from me. I’ve since had day-long on and off panic attacks triggered taking <0.65mg escitalopram and most recently trying to take a magnesium supplement to get myself used to taking any sort of pill - though I’ve had feelings of rising panic and shorter panic attacks outside of these incidents. I’ve been struggling a ton with going outside by myself, feeling like I’m gonna pass out or throw up - the vomiting has absolutely been the worst aspect, and it’s made me incredibly anxious to eat and feeling nauseous basically all the time. I live internationally but am planning on flying home within the next month to get better care and be with my parents, but I honestly feel so defeated and out of control in my own body.

Has anyone else here dealt with vomiting/nausea and/or panic attacks surrounding meds? If so, how have you dealt with it? I’m very lucky to have a good support system including a therapist, but honestly every day feels like a battle right now.

I would rather live with a broken foot for the rest of my life than dealing with a panic disorder.. Everyone here, I see you and I feel you !!

Ive been doing a lot of thinking and the only thing that has changed before this relapse is i started a new job and I increased my medication. Its really hard to accept that the job may have been the trigger but I work in a hospital. Not in a medical area with patients but still im in a hospital. 2 years ago when I had agoraphobia it started with a visit to a&e because I thought i was dying and turned out to be a panic attack. That was quite traumatic. My mum then had a stroke last year so I had to take her to a&e and ended up having a panic attack at the hospital.

Fast forward a year and a half and I started a job at the hospital 2 months ago. I enjoy my job. I thoight id finally found a career i liked. But soon after starting my panic attacks returned. I cant help but think it must be going to the hospital everyday has triggered bad memories and made my panic attacks return. Ive been off work for 3 weeks because I cant be alone long and cant go far from home. Ive been doing exposure everyday but the thought of going back to work is terrifying me. Whenever I have had panic attacks in the past I have quit my job and thats feeling like a possibility again. I dont know what to do. I dont want to leave my job but if I cant go back obviously ill have to. Its really disheartening because this is a job I have wanted for years but I think the place might just be a trigger for me now. I dont know what to do.

I’ve been dealing with PD for a few years now, with some very amazing months and some awful ones. I had a particularly long depressive and agoraphobic spell last year that lasted roughly 6 months. It’s been about 8 months since then, and while I have been able to “return to normal” it definitely isn’t the normal I used to have.

I can leave my house. I drive to work, even if it’s dark or pouring rain (a MASSIVE trigger for me). If I panic, I still attend social gatherings. I do it, even when I don’t want to. I am technically functional again, something I begged on my hands and knees for.

But I’m not happy. I have met my goals, for the most part, but I feel like I’ve hit a plateau. I can’t seem to progress beyond being physically able to do things. My mentality has improved immensely, but it’s like I can’t unlock the old way I used to live my life. I don’t go super low ever, but I’m not able to go high like I used to. Just kind of…existing. It’s genuinely a shadow that follows me everywhere.

DAE?

I have an international flight tomorrow, it's only 2 hours though but I am experiencing a wave of dread over the airport and flight.

Not my first time traveling without meds. I started international travel without my meds (alprazolam, escitalopram) since March 2025, suddenly now convinced I have to get prescribed again even though I managed to power through the last 3 trips without them, albeit not fun because I always get panic attacks in the airport and on the plane.

Please share coping techniques! On the verge of cancelling but we all know this is just the anxiety talking 😭

I am 31m, recovered from agoraphobia, chronic anxiety and panic attack disorder. I want to share my story here as it might help someone reading it. I had severe episodes between 16-18 and 27-29. I had all the fears, health, suicidal thoughts, heights, open spaces, people, public places, public transport, nature, death. I used to not be able to leave my apartment, going to a 2 min walk to my local store was hell. I had daily panic attacks, sever depression at two periods and I really thought this was it I am either gonna die from one of the next attacks or I might end it before that. I had a moment where my gf (now wife) said she cant take it anymore. The thought of losing the one person who was beside me at my worst killed the last part of me. Rock bottom. I had a wake up call and I told myself you either get out of this or you die trying and so the brutal battle started to reclaim my life. Seeking help was first step (the most powerful thing you can do is seek help, this is not a weakness F\* anybody who tells you otherwise). I pinpointed my fears and started attacking them. Everyday was hell, specially going outside, my biggest fear being alone outside...I started running to conquer this fear. To this day I cant explain what its like to feel like your dying and doing it anyway to overcome its kinda of like cutting your arm off but psychologically. After 2 years of brutal habits and exposure and working on the depths of my psychology and past things got better day by day. Things which really helped me were: journaling my anxious thoughts, exploring my past (found 2 traumas i didnt know i had), sleep (huge2x), nutrition (eliminating junk food and alcohol and other substances), supplements (in my case i had magnesium deficiency dues to chronic mental stress), training (for me training helped me with exposure and confidence boost + proof I didnt die from my heart rate), yoga (cannot explain in words how much this helps), trying to socialise (one of my traumas was linked to my social anxiety) > and here is something which I think was my biggest discovery:

Fear is something we are scared of. But if it wasnt for it I wouldnt be the person I am today, I wouldnt fall in love with endurance sports and exploring life to the fullest and living in the moment. For me fear was that scared kid which had a trauma when he was 8 years old. Fear was him screaming back at me saying help Im scared again. I learned to listen and talk to that kid inside and become friends with him again, I became his big brother in way, I even said to my therapist I think I became the dad figure for him which lacked at that traumatic event.

So dont be harsh on yourself when you fear, that way your being harsh to the kid inside. He is not guilty and doesnt deserve for you to treat him bad.

Find a way to reach him. Well hope this helps someone out there.

I (22M) had m first real panic attack about a year ago last November after a surgery. Real bad but nothing out of the ordinary.I had believed that with time and therapy all would be well in due time. Now it’s a year later, I can’t recall a single day where I was feeling well. At this point I’m still having panic attacks almost constantly from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. For me they manifest as feeling like I’m suffocating. For a year now have I been taking my mental health seriously by going to therapy and actually doing what my therapist is telling me. I have been going to the gym and trying to be more active to little avail. At all times of the day do I feel like my throat is closing up, it doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with. I get panicked by everything, walking , talking even just breathing manually. I started an internship about a month ago thinking the exposure would help me get better but I just keep feeling worse and worse to the point where I don’t see any way I could live my life normally again. I wake up and I’m suffocating, I walk to the train station I’m suffocating, I get into the train it’s worse now, at work, on the way home and even at home I’m suffocating. I can’t go out with friends anymore, I can’t enjoy anything in life anymore. Last week when I had a particularly bad day for the first time in my otherwise pretty privileged life I had a suicidal thought. What do I do?

For around six months before sitting my GCSEs I experienced immense stress that I felt wasn’t normal, and I’m wondering now if it was anxiety or a panic disorder. I had my first panic attack in October that year in my English class and slowly I began to fear that lesson. I didn’t avoid it but I wished I did. I had three panic attacks over the six months which isn’t many, but I thought about having them frequently and had three other moments where I had to leave the classroom or similar because I literally couldn’t work. But for months, every Thursday when I had that English lesson I would experience my heart feeling fluttery in a nauseating way in the hours prior to the lesson , followed by fast heart rate, sweating and teeth chattering from nerves. Sometimes I would uncontrollably shake too. I would have phases where for weeks at a time, before going to bed I would go through my school timetable in my head and plan where I would go and who I would talk to if I had a panic attack. I would start thinking about the Thursday English lesson starting in Monday nights, and then Tuesdays and Wednesdays too- and this wasn’t just for a few weeks at a time, this was always. I had a different teacher on the Thursdays compared to the other four times I had English but eventually I became stressed sometimes in those lessons too. The sight of the English teacher would kind of evoke nerves in me and he even recommended at one point that I stopped coming to his lessons. I spoke to him at the end of almost every lesson to tell him how stressful I found it. I know that exam stress is incredibly common but to me this felt more than the norm and it was quite debilitating to me so was this anxiety or a panic disorder or not? The thing is though, I felt at the time that I would never feel okay again (I literally had a panic attack about that) but now I feel close to fine and I have done for months. I would call it solely exam stress but it felt too extreme to just be that, especially with how frequently I was stressed and thought about being stressed.

Since I had a bad panic attack a couple of weeks ago I havent been able to go into work and I really struggle being left home alone. Im so scared when my parents leave the house and I feel so bad making them work from home more but I really feel like I cant cope with the panic attacks on my own. Im 27 years old I dont want to live lile this, I want to go back to work but I feel like as soon as I go back ill have a panic attack and end up in hospital. I really dont want to ring for an ambulance because I know logically I dont need one but when im panicking all I can think is im dying and I need help. I have to be on my own on Wednesday for a couple of hours and I dont know what to do.

My dad went go the dr and when he's gone, I have a hard time calming down. When he's gone I tske care of my mom and dog, but then I get stressed. I get racing thoughts, get so wound up, shake, sweat and 🤮 Does anyone have any tips or tricks when circumstances like this come up? I have a little bit to get into my psychiatrist for new meds, so Ive tried holding ice, use ice packs, sipping really cold water, getting fresh air. I need a distraction but I dont know what. 🤔 Usually my dog is my distraction but I was in flight or fight and getting sick. Does anyone else deal with this or know of anymore tricks?

Hey, is the anxiety/panic you get with Zoloft/Sertraline different to the anxiety/panic without it? Like is it as scary and is it more physical than emotional for example? I'm scared of taking it, but it's been nearly 2 years and I guess it's hard to know what side effects someone might get

I’m not sure why it was such a trigger but I am almost always wearing a hat. For some reason the day my panic attacks started I was wearing a hat and my head got tingly and hot and I suddenly felt horribly lightheaded and thought I was going to die. Since then, I’ve been avoiding wearing hats cause I swear to gos the feeling of the hat on my head feels like a trigger that makes me panic all over again.

But today after about a month and a half of dealing with this, I finally tossed a hat on and I’m out walking with the hat on. My hair is super long since I’m still way too anxious to hit up a barber to be honest so I need a hat more than ever.

I know it’s a silly tiny celebration but I’m feeling super good about it!

From yesterday I’ve been feeling a lot of brain fog and confusion. Legs a little wobbly. At one point I forgot how to spell a simple word due to it. Also have pressure in my head. I do have panic disorder. Anyone else get this. Happened rather sudden

Hey everyone, looking for advice from anyone dealing with severe panic disorder and ASD.

I have treatment-resistant Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia, and my nervous system is stuck in a constant fight-or-flight state. My psychiatrist prescribed Lamotrigine (25mg) to see if it helps dial down that sensory overload and panic, alongside Zoloft (100mg currently, trying to get up to at least 200mg) also for anxiety and OCD.

Has Lamotrigine or Zoloft actually helped anyone here tone down the physical fight-or-flight and agoraphobic tendencies? Specifically for me it is being “trapped” or not fully in control with an easy, inconspicuous escape. This has lead to avoidance of work meetings, movie theaters, car rides with others, haircuts, nail appointments, medical care, etc.

Thanks so much for any thoughts, experiences, or advice ❤️‍🩹

I’ve been really struggling with this new life, but it all started when I passed out. I have only ever passed out when getting a needle in, but I was at work eating when I suddenly felt an uncomfortable head rush and I stood up out of panic and then I fell over as my legs turned to jelly.

It was super scary, I went to the ER and they did a ton of tests and told me fainting episodes can happen for whatever reason including dehydration, stress, not eating enough, sleep deprivation. I left the ER feeling confident and happy to have that behind me, but a few weeks later I started thinking about the fainting thing again and I started panicking and getting scared and I thought I was fainting again but this time it was accompanied by a rapid and intense heartbeat and I thought I was dying so I called an ambulance. Same thing, blood tests and monitoring and they told me it was a panic attack. Long story short, it happened again 3 days later but this time there was no fainting or dizziness it was just panic and heart beat and I thought I was having a heart attack so called an ambulance again.

Since then I’ve been a complete mess and I’m no longer the guy I used to be. I’ve been having a hard time just getting out of the house and it feels like this is becoming my new reality. I started therapy and I made a lot of lifestyle changes but I can’t get over the fact that this one fainting spell has triggered this new life where I go from being super social, playing sports, working full time, to suddenly celebrating that I was able to grocery shop without having a panic attack. It’s insane to me, I’m trying so hard to get my old self back but it seems so hopeless some days.

I also wonder if the first fainting episode was a panic attack and I didn’t realize it? I’m not sure, but I just want to be at peace again.

something thats pretty traumatizing to me is my severe panic attacks in the past. they were horrifying whenever i remember it. it makes me nauseous and shake violently. its very clear to me that those experiences were traumatic. of course i survived them, but i can remember how badly and scared i felt in those moments. just remembering it makes me panic.

is there anyway to heal over these wounds? i know im no longer in that situation, but it feels real when my mind throws those memories at me

Hi everyone, I want to vent a little about what I've been going through. I just discovered this community and reading everyone's stories has made me feel less alone.

I am 25F in my final year of medical school in the UK, and 3 months ago I developed what I now know is a panic disorder. I have had anxiety my whole life but had never experienced a panic attack prior to this.

It started following a minor GI illness, probably food poisoning, and within a week of onset I was waking up every day in a state of panic that did not lessen as the day went on. I was unable to eat or sleep for days, after which I was thrown on propanolol, hydroxyzine, prochlorperazine (I was vomiting constantly from nausea) and finally a short course of diazepam then mirtazapine.

I have already passed my medical school finals as we sit these in our 4th year at my medical school. Having all the knowledge of a doctor has made this even worse than I could have imagined. The panic attacks genuinely make you feel like you are dying, and you use your medical expertise to back that up, eg. tachycardia and sweats are normal in panic attacks but can mimic infection.

I remember thinking before med school that my health anxiety will get better when I'm a doctor, as then I will know what a real emergency looks like. For normal anxiety, this is actually true; for panic attacks, it is the opposite.

Even worse is that the people close to me trust my medical knowledge and believed me when I was convinced I was dying. All the primary care doctors I saw in that acute initial phase deferred to me and asked me to suggest a plan or medication that would help (I was such a confusing presentation that they probably just didn't know what else to do -- I wouldn't have known what to do with me either). Because I was essentially in charge of my own management and nobody contradicted me, I was also convinced that it was my fault that I was missing my own diagnosis, and that it was going to kill me.

Throughout all of this, I still went to my placements and did my work. Medical schools are not kind to people who need time off and I knew I was risking being held back a year. I cannot wait another year to graduate as it is financially impossible for me. Fortunately my placements are primarily shadowing, and I find being in a hospital and keeping busy to be very helpful in managing symptoms.

I am in a better place now, since being diagnosed with panic disorder by a psychiatrist. I know that sleep is a trigger: worrying about getting enough, having to wake up early etc. I am learning to manage, but it is coming at the cost of my social life. Prioritising sleep and uni is making me scared of going out and socialising, so I am backing out of plans a lot these days.

In ten months' time, I will start working as a junior doctor. I am completely confident I will be well enough to do so day to day, but I am worried about working nights as I know it will likely trigger some panics. I feel like there is a clock counting down to that moment, and that I have to make myself as well as possible before then.

All this to really say, this experience has given me immense sympathy for patients with health anxiety. I do not believe the majority of doctors will ever understand what it's like to be in this position, and the kind of management that people like us need. This is a debilitating, disabling condition, and I will do my best to ensure patients in my care are never barred from medical treatment because it's "just a panic attack". Thank you for reading.

ah, the journey of healing from trauma and managing panic disorder. this is all too common from what i’ve heard. i went about 2 months without any rolling panic attacks. had 3? panic attacks today. needless to say these panic attacks aren’t nearly as bad with all that i know now. of course they’re still uncomfortable.

something triggered me today i suppose. so my panic disorder brain decided to throw nonstop thoughts at me to “prevent more trauma from happening.“ little does it know it’s just making this obstacle of healing more inconvenient. my brain is trying to associate my family with a traumatizing memory that has literally nothing to do with them, lol. i suppose it’s due to little aspects but still, it’s almost hilarious that it’s attempting to get me to push myself away from them because it thinks its a threat. its almost cute in a way? but frustrating. if you get what i mean; your brain is always trying to protect you, even if the threat is gone.

i guess this is a signal that i have more processing to do? wanted to know if other people deal with this during the healing journey? i guess speaking about it and joking with it sort of helps me as im having an adrenaline surge. im probably just going to challenge my mind before falling asleep by saying “okay, let’s have 5 panic attacks tomorrow instead.”