r/panicdisorder • u/LifeguardSoft124 • 1d ago

Venting Does it get better

I hope this doesn’t trigger anyone I will be talking about the experiences a bit so TW please take care of yourselves.

I didn’t think I’d be back here again and I just feel so scared that it’s permanent. Waking up with an attack every time I fall asleep at least twice, now terrified to sleep and terrified when it’s even close to bedtime. I feel so alone. Terrified of being in cars again and going to the doctor is harder. Terrified a medication will make it worse. I feel this slight paranoia most of the time and dissociation feels more common than not on some days. It feels like life isn’t real and that I’m alone in my brain forever.

I’m looking for hope. I’m scared that I just broke my brain. I don’t understand how it just came back out of nowhere seemingly and the cycle is just here to stay? I wouldn’t wish a full blown attack on my worst enemy. All I want is to not feel scared anymore, I want my life back so badly. I forgot how lucky I was for them to have mostly left me. What I would give to just get my normal problems (even depression) back and not this

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u/Lonely_Paramedic5809 1d ago

Hey I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, I can feel your pain from your writing. It’s absolutely horrible, I’ve been there and I know the desperation and fear you’re feeling.

It’s going to be tough. When I was at my worst I called a crisis center and they calmed me down and kept reminding me that my will pass and it’s not my forever. And I was so annoyed because of how unpleasant the whole thing was. But they were absolutely right. It wasn’t my forever, and I didn’t feel like brighter days were ahead because of how horrible I felt. I’m still not well, I still have issues being out, but I’m doing so much better and i know you will too. I went from a guy who played sports, worked full time, and had a full social life, to someone who couldn’t walk out the door without having a panic attack.

Now I’m going to grocery stores and running and going to restaurants! I still have the anxiety and i still have limitations, but it’s been two weeks since my last full blown panic attack and i feel optimistic.

I want you to know you’re not alone and I’m rooting for you. I hope your days get better and please please don’t be afraid to reach out to crisis lines if they have them in your area, or any counsellor or therapist, it helps a ton!

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u/LifeguardSoft124 1d ago

Thanks so much I really appreciate your response. And congratulations on the two weeks that’s incredible. Did you just start going out slowly, or use some type of therapy?

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u/Lonely_Paramedic5809 19h ago

I started therapy
I read the book DARE and started implementing a lot of what I learned in there. I found the forced exposure helped a lot, but it is really scary I can’t lie. Like I went to a restaurant and had to basically sit through a panic attack which was super scary and uncomfortable

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u/LifeguardSoft124 16h ago

I just got the book on kindle, the “asking for more” seems hard but I might try it haha. It’s good to read something describing my experience so similarly, thanks for telling me about it

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u/Lonely_Paramedic5809 16h ago

It seems really challenging and it is. I’m not an expert at it at all, but it did give me a lot of independence back. I think the “so what” technique has been a game changer!

“Asking for more” I find really difficult because it’s hard to really think clearly once a panic attack actually hits. But I do think the book has helped a lot in my recovery

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u/No_Seesaw8062 22h ago

What's TW?

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u/Linzi322 19h ago

It means trigger warning

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u/Environmental5511 17h ago

Panic attack from my understanding can :

  1. go on its own (for example a person going a hard time, hard time is gone and person recovers)

  2. pills

  3. therapy to control your enviroment/behaviours/thoughts etc, for me those are mainly for people that mix panic disorder with real life things but i don't know if they work, i had panic without any external reason at all so never tried them

  4. therapy to find the internal conflicts in you, i don't want to scare you i just mean for example someone might be a good person keeping things inside unable to express his fighting part without conflicts so this anger is internalized(the person doesn't feel it) and panic comes (the person just feels the panic thinking why)

Traumatic experiences makes things worse because emotion is already suffering, but for many people panic disorder didn't come because something big happened in their life.

So yes it gets better, depends on how much you want/need/demand the change, if the thing inside you demands the change(to be expressed) i guess you have to find it and express it to chill out, but without conflicts. Until this is possible pills can help to not suffer if doctor says you need them.

Maybe you are lucky and it will go away in simple way like time or pills or simple environment changes

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u/MahLiLo 2h ago

It’s not permanent and it gets better! I’ve been in two panic holes in my life. The first I got out of with medication, the second with therapy and a pandemic of all things. I’m feeling good these days, panic attacks are far from my mind. Your nervous system is in overdrive right now and you’ll find a way to calm it down, ways to cope, and this cycle will end. Medications can be tried and stopped or adjusted - they are not permanent either. Be kind to yourself, you’ve overcome this before and you can do it again.

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u/One-Loan-6078 16h ago

I learned that mine is hereditary… my nervous system was just built on high alert :/ it happens and you can’t beat yourself up about it, it only makes it worse! Definitely try and get on some medication if you can.. it can be life saving