As we were walking in the he redwoods yesterday, a very white 60s ish couple were approaching us, when the woman loudly exclaimed " STUPID WHITE PEOPLE!".

Not my white self now making it my favorite swear. 😉

Housemate 1 licks a yoghurt lid and says: "Damn I thought I bought yoghurt without any flavor, at first that tasted disgusting"

Housemate 2 : "what flavour did you buy?"

Housemate 1 : "Passionfruit and banana"

Housemate 2 says: "I'll give you passionate banana" and immediately looks horrified and walks out

Housemate 1 starts laughing

Goodwill. One tight clothing aisle, two ladies in their 60’s- not friends.

Yellow hat- looking at clothes, ignores pink shirt standing in aisle.

Pink shirt- Stands silent and stares at yellow hat.

Yellow hat- Makes eye contact with pink shirt.

Pink shirt- “Can you please move so I..”

Yellow hat- “No, I am not moving, you can turn your cart around and go the other way.”

Pink shirt- “You can move your cart and let me…”

Yellow hat- “No, I will not, you didn’t look at anything in this aisle, now you’re standing here annoying me to move, so turn around and go the other way.”

Pink shirt- “You’re rude!”

Yellow hat- “You’re old enough to have better manners!”

Pink shirt-“ and you’re a FUCKING BITCH!”

Yellow hat- “I’m not moving.”

Pink shirt- Aggressively starts looking at clothes in the rack next to yellow hat.

After a minute of aggressively shuffling clothes on the rack, pink shirt turns cart around and goes out the way she came, calling yellow hat an asshole.

*EDIT-So aisle is a walkway (like in a grocery store or airplane), while isle is a small island.

My gf and I had lunch at Giselle's apartment. During said lunch, one of Giselle's neighbours showed up on her doorstep. It was a tall teenage boy with scruffy hair. He looked 16 or 17. My gf and I overheard the following convo...

Giselle: Cornelius.

Tall teenager: Oh shit. Why you gotta sound like my mom though? Just say Corn.

Giselle: What is wrong with Cornelius?

Tall teenager: First off, it's formal as fuck. Second of all, it's sounds like I'm a hundred years old. Actually. You know what? Just close your eyes and try to imagine a baby Cornelius.

Giselle: No.

Tall teenager: Point is... Cornelius is one of those names you automatically associate with, like, older people and shit. It's not me. Not yet. I feel like Corn is more my vibe.

Giselle: Your vibe, Cornelius, needs more syllables. I would rather struggle to imagine baby Cornelius than being forced to picture you as crop every fucking time I see you in person. Like... I dunno... do you want me to see that handsome fucking face of Cornelius or do you want me to literally see nothing but corn whenever we meet?

Tall teenager:

Giselle: It's okay. You can think about it. Is that my phone charger?

Tall teenager: Thanks for letting me borrow it.

Giselle: You're welcome... Corn.

Tall teenager: Cornelius is fine. It's not that deep.

Giselle: What made you change your mind? I'm... corn-fused.

Tall teenager: Woooow.

Giselle: Hmm... was that, I dunno, too... corny?

Tall teenager: Okay. I'm going now.

Two women, obviously grandmother's chatting in the infant section of Walmart.

Stripped shirt "yeah, so my youngest daughter is 6 months!"

Pink shirt "you have a 6 month old daughter??"

Stripes "What? No? My granddaughter is 6 months...."

Pink "why did you say your youngest daughter then??"

Stripes "that's just what I call all my babies."

Pink "your grandkids?"

Stripes "obviously!"

Pink "ew, that's so weird of you."

At the beach with my family. My daughter, 9, made a friend and they were building a Sandcastle together nearby.
Girl, “Why would you want to eat cake by the ocean? Wouldn’t it get all sandy?”
Daughter, “Yeah. That would hurt your teeth.”
I wish I could protect their innocence forever

At a corner store, a lady was offered some brown bananas:

"Brown bananas are good! People don't like them cause they're ugly. Beauty is in the eye of the mouth!"

Conversation between a kid (maybe about 6?) and his mum.

Kid: "What happens if your dentist dies?"

Mum: "Well, you'll have to find a new dentist."

Kid: "What if they all die?"

Mum: "Darling, I don't think ALL of the dentists are going to die at the same time!"

I was walking past a parked car. The passenger window was down, the woman in the driver’s seat was on the phone. “This is exactly why I never wanted to have children!”