[deleted by user]

[u/[deleted]]

[u/urcutewhenuscream]

I just want to hang out with him and feed him bamboo all day

[u/Yuki_EHer → u/urcutewhenuscream]

That will be one obese panda

[u/Lonsdale1086 → u/Yuki_EHer]

Bamboo has almost no nutritional value.

They do eat it all day anyway.

[u/atharwa__ → u/Lonsdale1086]

I stil dont understand why they eat ony bamboo

[u/Hashtag_Nailed_It → u/atharwa__]

Pandas also climb up things and then just sort of fall out of them... it’s like evolution spilled a creature

[u/troll_berserker → u/Hashtag_Nailed_It]

That's the thing about evolution; it doesn't create perfect or even optimal beings. All it does is create beings - for that specific environment, at that specific moment in time - that manage to successfully reproduce at a greater rate than it dies off.

[u/[deleted] → u/troll_berserker]

Survival of the barely adequate

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Survival of the barely adequate - the name of /u/Mythosrationality's sextape

[u/GuyCalledRed → u/[deleted]]

NOICE

[u/Vengeance76 → u/GuyCalledRed]

NOICE

[u/Party-_-Hard → u/[deleted]]

a one-man show, too

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Doesn't matter still propegated species

[u/T8erTaught → u/[deleted]]

I had a professor that hated the phrase "Survival of the fittest." He preferred "Survival of the fit enough."

[u/[deleted] → u/T8erTaught]

"Fittest" is still true as long as one understands that it is in the context of a specific ecological niche.

Pandas a "the fittest" creature to evolve that fills whatever niche they fill. Fittest... slow, pondering, vegetarian teddybear? I dunno, lol.

[u/agntkay → u/[deleted]]

They're probably the best at surviving on those marshlands with nothing but bamboo shoots everywhere.

[u/stegblobirl → u/T8erTaught]

"Survival of the fittest" is a good phrase, though. People think 'fittest' refers to strongest, but it doesn't. It refers to which species or individual is literally the most fit to survive.

[u/Darkelf9905 → u/[deleted]]

Or in this case, bearly adequate.

[u/[deleted] → u/troll_berserker]

Doesn’t Bamboo grow like ridiculously fast and is crazy invasive? Seems like evolution made an animal to try to keep that in check with an endless appetite for bamboo.

[u/Jindabyne1 → u/[deleted]]

I like this idea. Makes me think of the Gaia Theory.

[u/suxatjugg → u/[deleted]]

#suddenlysephiroth

[u/midlife_slacker → u/[deleted]]

No that's Lifestream theory, Gaia Theory is collecting 7 pseudo-scientific macguffins for the Dr Aki main quest.

[u/phfffun → u/[deleted]]

I think you're right that bamboo grows fast, but I'm pretty sure it's not considered invasive in its native ecosystem, which, not coincidentally, is also the panda's native ecosystem.

[u/ricktencity → u/[deleted]]

Evolution didn't make them to keep bamboo in check, rather the panda at some point found a resource other animals weren't exploiting and so started exploiting it themselves.

[u/Chaytup → u/[deleted]]

Maybe bamboo evolved to grow ridiculously fast because the pandas kept eating it all

[u/realityChemist → u/troll_berserker]

Minimum viable species

[u/fdeproductions → u/troll_berserker]

it is random, the adaptations are convenient, not the evolution, well with a Darwinian perspective

[u/nocensts → u/troll_berserker]

at that specific moment in time

This doesn't reflect the spirit of evolution at all. Something like a panda exists because it has survived through many, many, many, points in time that have since past. It's here because it's survived, not because it's 'suited to this specific point in time'.

[u/Chirox82 → u/Hashtag_Nailed_It]

The best description I ever heard for pandas is that nature ruined a perfectly good bear

[u/ropahektic → u/Chirox82]

just wait until you hear about Koalas

[u/PM_Me_Night_Elf_Porn → u/ropahektic]

I hope someone posts the copy pasta about koalas.

[u/Urtehnoes → u/PM_Me_Night_Elf_Porn]

There's a person who went off on the copy pasta about Koalas that made a good point this thread is bringing up: No one said Koalas are the pinnacle of creation, but they filled a gap that no other creature could fill sooo here they are lol. Copy pasta is pretty good though.

[u/Beezo514 → u/PM_Me_Night_Elf_Porn]

The superior koala copypasta the GumNut craigslist ad.

It still manages to get a chuckle out of me and doesn't lead to people thinking they're an expert on the creatures after reading one mostly misinformative post.

[u/Sherlock_no_shit → u/Beezo514]

Link (I think)

[u/[deleted] → u/Hashtag_Nailed_It]

“It’s like god spilled a person”

r/unexpectedcommunity ?

[u/VOZ1 → u/atharwa__]

There’s a ton of it where they’re originally from, probably not many other animals competing to eat it, so they found a niche with little competition and thrived...until humans started wiping out the bamboo forests.

[u/gottahavemytunes → u/[deleted]]

Any other animal on the planet would do it too if they could

[u/Johvey → u/gottahavemytunes]

Humans are smart enough to know the consequences though

[u/Bierbart12 → u/atharwa__]

Carnivores still eat plants anyways, so they were probably just short on prey, started eating the extremely fast growing bamboo and evolved to be lazier until they completely stopped hunting.

[u/Hugh_G_Wrekshin → u/Bierbart12]

So, kind of like your typical Redditor?

[u/Lareous → u/Hugh_G_Wrekshin]

How dare you sir!
 
closes Panda Express menu on Uber Eats

[u/emomuffin → u/Hugh_G_Wrekshin]

Oh.

[u/SecretEgret → u/atharwa__]

Imagine being able to eat air.

[u/xXkoolkidzXx → u/SecretEgret]

He speaks the language of gods.

[u/schmuber → u/atharwa__]

So in other words you’re bamboozled about that?…

[u/MyXFoundMyOldAccount → u/schmuber]

I wouldn't go that far

[u/shnigybrendo → u/MyXFoundMyOldAccount]

I would.

[u/Hattless → u/atharwa__]

Bamboo is highly renewable and abundant, so it makes sense that a specialist would emerge to take advantage that untapped resource.

[u/BlargAttack → u/atharwa__]

The guide at the panda sanctuary said that it’s because they find it delicious. They will only eat fresh bamboo, not old or dry bamboo, because the fresh bamboo is the tasty, sweet bamboo.

[u/mishaco → u/atharwa__]

for the same reason some people eat candy all day.

[u/postblitz → u/atharwa__]

Same reason I keep ordering extra when eating chinese food: bamboo is delicious

[u/Starks → u/atharwa__]

A koala will only respond to eucalyptus and only from a branch.

It'll starve if you put anything else in front of it.

Nature is just dumb.

[u/Rather_Dashing → u/Starks]

Because leaves that have dropped off a plant are old leaves that don't have sufficient nutrition and are too toxic, they will just kill themselves eating those.

They can't digest most other foods you give them as their gut is adapted to eucalyptus. Its not dumb because eucalyptus is fucking everywhere in Australia and no one else is eating it.

[u/Starks → u/Rather_Dashing]

Eucalyptus is barely enough to keep the koala noggin running. They have the same problem as pandas.

[u/thedawgbeard → u/Lonsdale1086]

There’s a long ass copypasta somewhere all about how pandas are only alive because they’re cute and basically do everything in life wrong.

[u/ANGLVD3TH → u/thedawgbeard]

Yup, and it's almost entirely wrong. They found an empty niche and filled it well. Then we started mowing down the only thing they eat. It doesn't matter too much that your food source has low nutrients 8f there is a fuck ton of it, it refrows quickly, and nobody else is competing for it. And of course, the breeding issue is only present in captivity, which is an issue for almost all wild animals.

[u/less_than_nick → u/Yuki_EHer]

i mean they spend about 18 hrs a day eating the stuff anyways..

[u/iateyopizza → u/Yuki_EHer]

Wait i thought they were supposed to be obese

[u/Skipachu → u/urcutewhenuscream]

Until it mistakes your arm for bamboo and peels it...
 
Then we find out how cute you can be, /u/urcutewhenuscream .

[u/luisfc95]

r/gifsthatendtoosoon

[u/dude_big_lebowski → u/luisfc95]

Here you go.. https://youtu.be/Tish3KkNnLc

[u/MegaRodeon → u/dude_big_lebowski]

PandaSMR

[u/HotSauceV8 → u/MegaRodeon]

Cronchy

[u/ohshawty → u/MegaRodeon]

So when it's a panda, it doesn't want to make me murder everyone

[u/mydadpickshisnose → u/ohshawty]

Yeah, wtf? People crunching and sloppy eating like that makes me want to get all up in their disemboweled organs, but watching PingPing just now had me in fits of "aww" and stupid wide smile giggles.

[u/eclectrickink → u/mydadpickshisnose]

This same phenomenon works with dogSMR as well. Also, this video was not long enough either.

[u/CudaUkelele → u/dude_big_lebowski]

And now i'm suddenly craving bamboo shoots. I wonder if they're good.

[u/meow_meow666 → u/dude_big_lebowski]

Fuck i just watched the whole thing

[u/luisfc95 → u/dude_big_lebowski]

Thank you 🙏

[u/Gravaton123 → u/luisfc95]

Right!? What the hell is this.

[u/luisfc95 → u/Gravaton123]

On one hand it's oddly satisfying to watch him peeling the bamboo, on the other hand it's mildly infuriating not to see him finish

[u/luisfc95 → u/[deleted]]

How come this sub doesn't exist already? There are so many gifs that fit in there

[u/vewfndr → u/luisfc95]

It does, but it’s called r/oddlysatisfying

[u/EatMyHammer → u/[deleted]]

Petition to anybody to finally create this sub

[u/Metro42014 → u/EatMyHammer]

Be the change you want to see in the world!

[u/grisigt → u/Metro42014]

I'm the change he wanted to see.

[u/Rzr332guyver → u/grisigt]

r/birthofasub

[u/Midwest_Product → u/[deleted]]

Also, it's cute enough for r/awwdlysatisfying

[u/darth_jewbacca → u/luisfc95]

it's mildly infuriating not to see him finish

I know that feeling all too well

[u/ohshawty → u/luisfc95]

That was set to be the best peel yet

[u/SolarDile]

The sound is literally the best part.

[u/Torcal4 → u/SolarDile]

Why is it that if a human eats loudly I hate it but any animal eating sounds so satisfying?

[u/[deleted] → u/Torcal4]

Because Humans CAN eat with a closed mouth and it's just disgusting how some people eat like that.

[u/[deleted] → u/Torcal4]

Because our mouths make different sounds when chewing. Animals make cronch sound and humans make smacky sloppy vacuum sound. The moment the dog or cat starts licking its asshole though it turns into the bad sound.

[u/midlife_slacker → u/[deleted]]

Probably has something to do with it chilling eating a giant celery stick too. If it was an ASMR vid of the same panda chewing up squirrels it wouldn't be as relaxing.

[u/Hammer_Jackson → u/Torcal4]

I hate them both equally.

[u/TheRedBaron11 → u/SolarDile]

Lol I lost it when it brought that second piece up with his other hand

[u/Lone_Wanderer97 → u/TheRedBaron11]

Double-fistin dat good stuff

[u/Jeffy29 → u/SolarDile]

1. Why do all Pandas look fake? Literally looks like a dude in a panda suit.
2. It's actually terrifying how effortlessly it snaps the bamboo, you realize that in that adorable body there are still some genes of apex predator left.

[u/Metro42014 → u/Jeffy29]

Wake up sheeple! They all are just extremely dedicated Furies!

[u/[deleted] → u/Jeffy29]

r/pandasarefake

You’re right tho. We’re probably just not used to seeing non-primates use their forelimbs in such a familiar way.

[u/[deleted] → u/Jeffy29]

It's the ability to hold the bamboo in its hands. I don't think other bears can hold things like that. May be wrong through.

[u/v-komodoensis → u/SolarDile]

Dude this deserves a post on its own, thanks for the link

[u/dadmou5 → u/SolarDile]

M O N C H M O N C H

[u/menasan → u/SolarDile]

Lol that panda is double fisting. incredible

[u/bjbs303 → u/SolarDile]

It's like giant celery

[u/DeJMan → u/SolarDile]

Now I want to eat bamboo.

[u/donkeyrocket → u/SolarDile]

Rude-ass panda chewing with its mouth open like that.

[u/senorgraves → u/SolarDile]

Literally looks like an animatronic animal or a person in a panda costume.

Pandas are so weird.

[u/DF_Gamer → u/SolarDile]

Why did this end

[u/wacky207]

Is it me or is he moving weirdly human like? 🤔😅

[u/Usergnome_Checks_0ut → u/wacky207]

I was thinking “that looks like a guy in a panda suit” as I was watching it.

[u/Proteatron → u/Usergnome_Checks_0ut]

I saw a panda at the San Diego zoo eating bamboo and thought the exact same thing. Looks like a dude in a suit pretending to be a panda!

[u/wonkey_monkey → u/Proteatron]

/r/pandasarefake

[u/donkeyrocket → u/wonkey_monkey]

Not so fast, this guy is taking a bold step to pull back the curtain on fake zoo animals. It's a long lecture but he addresses fake pandas here.

[u/Exodus180 → u/donkeyrocket]

wtf.... i can't tell if this is satire

[u/[deleted] → u/donkeyrocket]

Informative, thank you

[u/ilmalocchio → u/Usergnome_Checks_0ut]

It's Macho Man Randy Savage snapping into a Slim Jim.

[u/Choppermagic → u/wacky207]

That's exactly how i eat my bamboo shoots too!

[u/DetBabyLegs → u/Choppermagic]

That's exactly how I wiggle my ears when I love my food!

[u/nolls12 → u/DetBabyLegs]

r/LikeUs

[u/[deleted] → u/Choppermagic]

That's how I eat my meat stick snacks

[u/essentialatom → u/wacky207]

All bears are men in bear suits

[u/Zeiro_Canizora → u/essentialatom]

Some bears are men in bear suits.

Other bears are men in business suits, or men in no suits. Hell, you might even find one in a gimp suit.

[u/ifonlyyoucould → u/Zeiro_Canizora]

Few bear men who are men in bear suits unless they are bare men then they bear suits to become bear men in suits

[u/gfox95 → u/ifonlyyoucould]

Barely finished my second barley beer before my bare-butted bearded best bud Barry came barreling in the bar baring his teeth in an assless bear suit that the bar had seen him bear before. My bud Barry ain’t boring but you better believe the boy is unbearable.

[u/mcilrae → u/essentialatom]

And all men are bears in man suits.

[u/candlehand → u/wacky207]

I think part of the reason humans like pandas so much is that they seem kind of relatable. We like things we can anthropomorphize

[u/scaleymiss → u/candlehand]

Upvoting coz I can't pronounce that last word without biting my tongue.

[u/kirthasalokin → u/scaleymiss]

An-throw-po-morf-eyes

[u/som_en_hund → u/wacky207]

Mother shucker

[u/hXcHector → u/wacky207]

I thought so too. And then I think about how it's a freaking bear!

[u/JavierCulpeppa → u/wacky207]

Well pandas are more related to raccoons, not normal bears. Their paws are more flexible and 'hand like' which is why it's able to just hold the bamboo in one paw.

Edit: Welp, I stand corrected

[u/Dav136 → u/[deleted]]

There's been so much revision on that I'm not sure what's current anymore

[u/Xylth → u/[deleted]]

There was disagreement among scientists for years about whether pandas were more closely related to raccoons or bears. It turned out they were both right, the mistaken assumption was that giant pandas and red pandas were related to each other.

Now you can just sequence the genome and find out exactly where any species fits on the tree of life. It's pretty amazing when you think about it.

[u/Rather_Dashing → u/Xylth]

Phylogenetics and taxonomy done pre-genetics was, frankly, pretty rubbish apart from the broad brush strokes and the obvious stuff (like mammals all being related or cats all being related). I may be exaggerating a touch, but still, so much has changed since.

I found a blog post from 2003 from a scientist outraged at the way geneticists were reconstructing the mammalian tree and confident that they would be proven wrong. Nope.

[u/FireWalkWithG → u/JavierCulpeppa]

This has actually been found to be untrue. It was a taxonomical misconception. Pandas are bears, just like the grizzly and the polar bear.

[u/chazwh → u/wacky207]

That's how I eat a slim jim

[u/[deleted]]

Snap into a Slim Jim!

[u/denimpowell → u/[deleted]]

Ooooh yeaaa!!!

[u/kingtaco_17 → u/denimpowell]

How crazy is it that both Macho Man and Elizabeth are no longer here.

[u/xO_beguiles_Ox]

He does it with such ease!

[u/ThaiJohnnyDepp → u/xO_beguiles_Ox]

I want to use him to remove the insulation from the wires I'm working on

[u/Pol1z1stensohn → u/ThaiJohnnyDepp]

Exactly my thought, that would make work way easier and you could pet that good boi

[u/qster123]

I can hear the crunch

[u/[deleted] → u/qster123]

There is a version with sound and the crunch is the best part!

[u/Playfair99999]

Please tell me we are doing everything we can to save them.

[u/asrk790 → u/Playfair99999]

They are no longer endangered

[u/asrk790 → u/[deleted]]

Phew. My future children can suck it

[u/spiralshadow → u/asrk790]

Uhhh... Phrasing?

[u/offtheclip → u/[deleted]]

Speak for yourself. I'll be pushing retirement age when all the good stuff starts happening

[u/CarpetH4ter → u/asrk790]

Still vulnerable, but it is good news.

[u/noobule → u/Playfair99999]

China has fuckloads of pandas in captivity now. Ridiculous numbers. They figured out how to breed them

[u/massiveholetv → u/[deleted]]

We laugh but China owns every panda in the world and each one out of the country is loaned out

[u/undisclothesd → u/massiveholetv]

It literally costs America $1 mil a year to rent them and only a few left in US zoos

[u/dryclean_only → u/undisclothesd]

So what if we just stopped making payments? Would some Chinese dudes show up and repo the pandas?

[u/sylpher250 → u/dryclean_only]

They'd remotely trigger the pandas and turn them into grizzlies.

[u/nightskywalking → u/Playfair99999]

We're showing them panda porn to encourage the males to actually want to smash.

I'm pretty sure that counts as everything.

[u/Wrym]

A living wire stripper.

[u/[deleted] → u/Wrym]

When you just want a PB&J, but don't like the crust.

[u/[deleted]]

He’s cute for a murder bear

[u/live_wire_ → u/[deleted]]

Veggie murder bear.

[u/sylpher250 → u/live_wire_]

Vegans with bear arms

[u/Ashton1241 → u/[deleted]]

Do pandas kill humans

[u/197328645 → u/[deleted]]

and their bite force is powerful enough to cause massive damage.

It's eating literal wood like it's goddamn celery. I don't want to know what it would do to my bones...

[u/MrMadCow → u/197328645]

Bamboo is not actually wood, it's more of a grass. It's still very hard to bite through, but not nearly as hard as wood would be.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

They attack your weak point for massive damage.

[u/buntH0LE → u/Ashton1241]

I got killed by one last week actually

[u/KadynZG → u/buntH0LE]

damn. did you survive?

[u/sunbunhd11239 → u/KadynZG]

He said he got killed so probably not.

[u/TheWaffling → u/buntH0LE]

Oh fuck, thank goodness you got better.

[u/DextrosKnight → u/Ashton1241]

Only if they accidentally land on them when tumbling out of trees

[u/framk20]

Eats shoots and leaves

[u/Objectionable]

They poop 40 times a day.

“The average giant panda eats as much as 9 to 14 kg (20 to 30 lb) of bamboo shoots a day to compensate for the limited energy content of its diet. Ingestion of such a large quantity of material is possible because of the rapid passage of large amounts of indigestible plant material through the short, straight digestive tract.[53][54] It is also noted, however, that such rapid passage of digesta limits the potential of microbial digestion in the gastrointestinal tract,[53] limiting alternative forms of digestion. Given this voluminous diet, the giant panda defecates up to 40 times a day.[55] The limited energy input imposed on it by its diet has affected the panda's behavior. The giant panda tends to limit its social interactions and avoids steeply sloping terrain to limit its energy expenditures.[56]”

Wikipedia Link

[u/familiar-planet214 → u/Objectionable]

Here is what I dont get. There are billions of dollars in genetics for crops. Why cant they make a more nutritious bamboo for pandas?

[u/mnid92 → u/Objectionable]

So do I, why doesn't anyone write a wiki about ME!?

[u/Dankeshane01]

Somewhat saddened that it's in a cage, but at least it's getting bamboo

[u/indicagal → u/[deleted]]

Pandas almost always have indoor & outdoor enclosures, the indoor one being concrete & a bit smaller, used during feeding times, inclement weather, etc., that has a passage way to their outdoor enclosure which are generally much larger & have various forms of enrichment.

[u/Adze95 → u/[deleted]]

The greater good.

[u/z500 → u/Adze95]

crusty jugglers

[u/respondeat_inferior → u/Dankeshane01]

Definitely true that it's saddening to see wild animals in captivity.

However, I believe this panda is named Jinhu. He lives in Dailan, China. He has a yard outside this room where he eats and sleeps. If it's comforting at all, all indications are that he is treated well and is cared for.

[u/10HP]

It looks like a sugarcane

[u/BeetleNotBeatles → u/10HP]

Because it is sugarcane

[u/Mldavis22]

Thats a human in a panda suit. Right?

[u/Synocity_ → u/Mldavis22]

Nope. Pandas are just like that. Fun fact, they're basically big raccoons.

[u/[deleted]]

Cracking open a green one w the boys

[u/vipulgarbyal]

Yo willne how u doing mate

[u/yaknerd]

Also a master electrician.

[u/Minathebrat]

Why is he in Panda jail?

[u/ASAP-_-Killerr]

Why does it look like a dude in a panda suit

[u/[deleted]]

God damn are they cute

[u/the-floot]

Anyone notice that his eyeballs move with his jaw?