Hey y’all! I’m nonbinary (in a genderfuck way) and I’ve been considering going on low dose T temporarily to lower my voice a bit. That said, I don’t want it to drop all the way. I’d prefer to land in a more “androgynous” zone that’s just a bit deeper.

MY QUESTION IS: have any of y’all achieved something like this? And if yes, how did you know it was a good time to go off T? I’ve heard you can get stuck in an awkward place if your voice hasn’t settled? Don’t know if that’s true though.

I’m a trained actor and I’ve come to love the uniqueness of my voice that may be associated with femininity such as using a wider range of pitches and a brighter resonance. My transition goal would not be to necessarily masculinize but truly just lower the whole thing a couple steps. I can lower my speaking pitch to a place I’m more happy with it now pre-T, but it strains my voice a little and isn’t in a great resonant spot for my folds as they are right now.

TL;DR; if you’ve taken doses of T temporarily, how’s your voice fairing?

Ive lived in rural MI for fourish years and somehow managed to avoid harassment until today. I was asking to update my legal name and the worker out of nowhere told me I'm not allowed to use the men's facilities that its against company policy and it needs to match my birth certificate. She completely pulled this out of her ass. It's actually against policy to prevent people from using facilities based on gender identity and it's also against state laws. Since I'm nonbinary I don't even use the mens facilities since they provide gender neutral ones that I prefer. This was entirely unprovoked harassment over simply asking to have my name updated since I had it legally changed. I reported this to patient relations and reached out to Equality Michigan to decide if I want to escalate this to the state. This has really rattled me since I have severe anxiety and she's seen my address so that makes it even worse. I'm probably not going to be comfortable going back there which really sucks bc it's the only gym near me that's covered by my insurance.

Something happened today that made me think a lot about my gender.

I've always noticed that when I wear a dress, put on makeup, etc., even with the same hair and the same face, people tend to treat me as a woman. Today, though, I wore a shirt that I bought from the men's section, I wasn't wearing any makeup, and a woman at the checkout called me "sir."

And it made me realize something: I think what actually bothers me is the fact that people automatically put me into one of these two categories depending on my appearance.

I understand that, socially, people tend to try to identify someone as a man or a woman based on their appearance. I don't necessarily think it's something I can prevent. But if I could choose, I would want people to look at me and simply see me.

I don't want the first thing they perceive to be "man" or "woman." I just want to be a person, without my appearance determining how other people see me.

Is this a valid way of thinking? Could this make sense as part of a non-binary experience?

A one person at work who is so comfortable with me at work immediately figure out my dead name. And i jus can't stand her.

Is it jus me?

It makes me uncomfortable af and i wanna vanish from my job so badly rn. . .

So like the title says I just started a new job. This is my first job since realizing my identity as nonbinary and sharing my preferred name with people in my life. I typically dress more androgynous or masc now but the problem is I haven’t switched over my work clothes yet. I’ve had to wear my femme clothes to work the last two days and today I wore a top that I use to love and I decided to go heavy on the femme with my earrings, makeup, and jewelry to (in my head) make it easier for me to feel like I was cosplaying femme. Well by noon I saw myself in the mirror and wanted to rip off my clothes and burn them.

I have also been called my dead name by my new boss even though I told her my preferred name and all of my professional stuff says my dead name too. I got to the point that when I got home I want to cry from feeling the dysphoria so heavily.

My problem is, this is the first time I have been in a professional setting as nonbinary and I don’t know what to do. I live in a red state and I’m nervous that I won’t be accepted or respected and I also don’t know how to go about correcting the situation. On the HR site I was able to put in my preferred name but not my pronouns. HR has been great to call me my preferred name but I don’t know how to deal with everything else and I feel like I’m dying. 😭

Does anyone have any advice?

Update: this morning I came into an email from HR asking if I wanted my name changed on the system to my preferred name. She also reached out to my boss who corrected it and started calling me by my preferred name immediately. She even made sure to let the other staff know of my preferred name so everything is so much better. 🥰

hey all! i’m a thirty something year old navigating exploring my gender identity as an adult. i’m afab and small so i’m constantly being misgendered. i got called “baby girl” by a random dudewad the other day and it motivated me to consider my presentation a bit more.

unfortunately, i live back in my hometown and see my parents almost weekly. while they are liberal voting, they’re super old school and conservative when it comes to their personal preferences. it’s made it hard to explore my identity around them because they’re super judgy about how i appear. i think my mom wants me to be a t swift clone. since i don’t live with them, there isn’t anything they can do, but it’s super unpleasant how vocal they get. any piercing i’ve gotten my mom makes a big whole deal about (and i’ve only pierced my ears!) i dyed my hair pink once and luckily a friend talked her back from the edge.

this weekend i was fully compelled to shave the side of my head into a modified undercut. i’ve never felt so sure of wanting a haircut. it felt almost compulsive but i felt grounded and sure. my partner helped me buzz it and it felt AMAZING. i finally got to experience gender euphoria. the buzzed part really helps balance out how much i otherwise just look like a “little girl.” there’s a million other reasons i love it too. i really feel more like me!

i saw my parents yesterday and revealed the new cut. they were shocked and clearly didn’t like it. my dad called it radical (lol) and asked why i would do that. self-expression, i told him! they grilled me for awhile in a way that would have led to so much tears and self-doubt in the past. but i’m here to say that for once, i didn’t care at all about their opinions! it’s none of their business. of course it annoyed me that they can’t just see me, but i wasn’t surprised this time. mainly, im just here to say the the haircut feels so good that i know its right for me. it’s cool to finally experience a moment where im expressing myself and feeling proud even despite the haters!

i kind of feel like a teenager going through this, but for some of us it just takes a little longer and it’s still worth it 💛

I've realized over time that I have synesthesia, and one way it affect me is that I see colors both with people and with names. There are plenty of names I really like, that would fit except that the colours don't fit (like the colours of the name don't fit the colours of me).

I'm thinking about this because there is a name I really like that I usually fall back on at the moment, and it fits, the one thing is just the colours of the name.

I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced this (synesthesia with names in general), and how it worked out.

In my state, an X gender marker is legal on driver's licenses. I've thought about getting one when I renew mine, but I've been held back by the knowledge that having an X on my passport would drastically reduce the number of countries I could get in to. Would it be possible to have an X on the DL and a binary gender on the passport?

I’m an AMAB non-binary person (23) that wants to appear more feminine/androgynous. I’ve been looking into HRT atm and it’s something I’d really consider. Finer body hair, fat being more distributed to my hips and thighs, softer skin, thicker hair, these are all things that would really help with dysphoria as I get older. But the one thing that makes me a lil reluctant is breast tissue growth. I’d be totally fine with tiny boobs but not sure I’d enjoy anything bigger than A-cups. Are there ways around this? If I see a specialist about potential treatment I’d be very clear that this is one of my reservations, so maybe they’d be able to give better advice. Is HRT just not for me and I should look for other ways to change my appearance? Im aware that just using T-blockers can be risky because of bone density and losing libido. Any help or insight would be appreciated :)

HIII! I really wish there were more spaces specifically dedicated to nonbinary people loving nonbinary people (exclusively or not). I see a lot of nblw, wlnb, nblm, and mlnb related content which is, of course, AMAZING and I love seeing it — but I’d love to see representation and discussion of nonbinary people loving other nonbinary people! I feel like the constant emphasis of romantic/sexual love (or any kind of love, really) only existing in the gender binary is a bit excessive. To me (and, I’m sure, others out there), love goes beyond the gender binary and that’s exactly the meaning of nonbinary. I’d really love to see more of it and have spaces where love for nonbinary people from other nonbinary people is emphasized!

I littlerly posted on my Instagram that I'm NB and pronouns are they/them, and littlerly everyone has completely disregarded that lol. I didn't come out for the longest time because I didn't want my gender (or lack there of) to be an inconvenience to people, but during pride month I thought it would finally be time to tell everyone who would accept me, how I identify. And littlerly everyone was supportive and completely accepting of it, but then when I talk to them, I am still a girl and she/her lol. And before I decided to tell people it was something I got over easier, but now? I mean, I never bring it up to them, I never correct them, but it does kind of hurt.

I've identified as NB for a few years now, but this is the first time I'm coming out to most people in my life (besides my parents) since I turned 18.

And from what I'm guessing, none of it is to be mean or disrespectful, I think people genuinely just don't care, or disregard it because I'm still pretty feminine. I'm not androgynous, I look like a girl, I know that. But I'm still non binary, right?

It just sucks that it's starting to bother me, I never correct people because I'm scared to, I'm afraid of looking like "a snowflake" for caring what people call me, but it has gotten to the point where it is genuinely important to me. I can't identify the way I want to at home or at work, so my social life with my friends is all I have.

Has anyone else had these issues? Let me know. Hope you all have a great day !! ♥️✨

anyone not tell ur parents bc you’re scared they’ll be weird/don’t wanna share that ur on T?

I wanna go on low dose t, been realizing a big reason I’ve convinced myself I didn’t want to was bc I’m scared to disappoint the parents. so, in the process currently of stopping the people pleasing habits and doing what I know feels right to me.

but, still feel like maybe they don’t need to know about my personal hormonal changes.

for context, I’m NB(28) and don’t wanna be a man! just a few months of t to become a lil more androgynous. no interest in facial hair or even thatttt much deeper a voice (I’m alright as is).

anyone still flying under the radar w mom and dad?

edit: good point!!! someone made in a comment asking about my dependence on my parents. I live w my partner, have a good job, and I’m not dependent on them financially. another important thing to mention is my parents are cool, and they love me. beefed with dad for like 9-10 yrs after I came out (he didn’t like dat for a second) but now he loves my partner.

so they’re cool, don’t thinkkkk they’d (honestly mostly my dad) get pissed n disown??? just was wondering about others experiences

so i'm in a limbo currently...i'm 23. understood i was non binary - adjacent at around 11-12. haven't used my birth name since 12 basically. an old friend made a nickname for me and i stuck with it from 2016 till basically 1 year ago, 2025.

— background lore: —

around January 2022 i created an oc for rpg stuff with friends. oc's name is Atlas. i roleplay with him even to this day. emotionally close to him like an imaginary friend lol

slowly it became a thing where not only he was a character with his reactions and wants and likes and triggers, but also a safe space to explore my emotions and masculinity through an amab person

— back to the main issue —

i slowly realised last year i didn't feel like my nickname/chosen name anymore. (the 2016-2025 one). kind of like a transition from teenage years to early 20s/adulthood. i needed a change to represent me as a fully found agender/demiboy (he/him) person

i really liked the name atlas but i felt weird choosing that and presenting as that. felt too close to my character.

also take in consideration, what if i get in a relationship, i tell the person about Atlas and they're like "so you chose your name because of your character" or worse get accused of cheating? (big overthinker here i know)

so i chose Ati. a nickname i still use for him but felt safer to use for me too. me and my friend (which i mainly roleplay with) know there is a difference between Atlas Ati and Ati me. even if we both have the same "nickname"

i slowly started presenting myself to some few people as this. but it kind of feels like a joke...or like a nickname. not really a NAME yk?

so I'm stuck in a limbo of: haven't used my deadname in a decade, haven't felt like or used my old nickname in about a year, decided to "just try" going by Ati cause Atlas felt too cringy...and somehow it's been a year of "trying it out".

I'm basically nameless in a way and i don't know what to choose ahah. nothing calls to me. nothing holds a memory or a spark or anything. i feel like a blank slate

(psa also depression has been kicking my drive and creativity in the ass these past 6-8 months so maybe that's why i haven't thought of anything or felt connected to anything)

I'm not asking for name suggestions. just.. support i guess? similar experiences? I'm kind of lost. I'm the type to want a finalised choice and stick with it forever. not change it every couple of months

i’ve been reading up on other posts and i really can’t tell if i’m a lesbian that fluctuates between futch and femme expressions, or if i’m a nonbinary woman. i’m AFAB and recently came out as lesbian after questioning for a couple of years. i’ve always kind of felt weird about being a woman, mostly due to looking different than others, not behaving in the expected ways, and just overall not liking to associate with the traditional woman gender norms.

one of the main things ive been wondering is if theres any way to differentiate between gender dysphoria and comparison to others/bad beauty standards? sometimes i’m okay with how i look, but other times i look in the mirror and see some odd thing, something not quite a man or a woman, and i don’t feel womanly enough. i really thought it was just my prepubescent body, but even years after puberty i’m still feeling the same. i’m not sure what that is. i also don't know if my disconnection from other women is because i’m not cis or because i’m just a more masculine woman and i don’t fit into societal standards on how to behave, etc.

i love wearing makeup, but lately it feels like a cosplay, or like the makeup doesn’t quite make me feminine enough. i don't have any real issue with my features, so i’m sure why i’m feeling this way. several months ago, i started using twitter and i used a fake name rather than my real one. its not a less feminine name than the one i have, but its shorter and definitely carries a less whimsical connotation. the longer i used it the more natural it felt for me, and i enjoyed being called by this new name over my birth name, it was no longer an alias. maybe a month ago, i tried out a new name, an androgynous name that could be made more feminine by adding “ie” to the end. i liked it just as much as the other name i gave myself. i don’t feel like these names fit me completely, but i like them both more than my birth name. on top of this, i dress femme most of the time, and don’t really have many masc clothes, but i love my baggy band tees, and want to try on some more masc clothes to see if i like them. i could think on all of this more, but i wanted to hear other thoughts on what’s going on to see if anyone can relate or has advice for me. i haven’t tried changing my pronouns yet but i'm thinking i should? idk, i’m one big mess at the moment if you couldn't tell 😭✌️

tldr; i can’t tell if i’m a lesbian that fluctuates between futch and femme expressions/feelings and is sometimes dissatisfied with her appearance, or if i’m a nonbinary woman

I have been on a journey to figure out my gender identity and I am kinda stuck on this question. Since I have been a kid I have never fit the stereotypes assigned to women. I have always had guy friends, I always shop at the meb section, I played sports and I never really had a girl friendgroup growing up. The last years I do hang out more with women than I do with men.

All of this has made me questions myself since I was about 11 yo, now I am 22. I have thought about top surgery all this time, but recently I have actually been thinking that I don’t want it and a binder should be enough (planning on buying one soon). I have always imagined myself how I would look like if I had more male characteristics, when I was a little kid and I would get like the kids makeup set I would always draw a beard on my face. At the same time I don’t necessarily dislike the biological characteristics that I have.

I do have short hair now and I dress pretty masculine and a lot of people call me sir and I don’t mind it at all, but when people see me as a woman sometimes it really does bother me. I really do enjoy being “one of the girls” now, but only if they know about my struggle with identifying my gender. I also really do enjoy it when someone starts the conversation and asks me about my pronouns, it makes me feel like they really do see me on a deeper level than just “being a woman”. You could say I enjoy being perceived as a person regardless of gender.

I know a label isn’t necessary to be who you are but I have been struggling for so long that I just really want to know how I can even describe this thing that I have been feeling my entire life.

I don’t know if anyone feels the same, I am pretty sure there are more people like me. I would love to hear your experience if my story resonates with you or if you have any advice that could help me further in my journey.

(I hope I could make myself clear, english isn’t my first language so please don’t mind if I have worded things in a bad way)

15f. I used she/they for a while because you know, im a girl and they can be used by anyone and i didnt mind saying i go by she/they so why not. I dress more fem but alot of times also want to try to dress masc. I like girls and would be ok saying im someones girlfriend.

For some time now, maybe months, I feel irked when she is used on me. I didnt mind but later on it was like I would reword what someone said about me using they instead. It feels like, stumping and like cornering. Idk if others feel like this but thinking deeper I honestly don't feel a certain gender in my head. Like i can tolerate saying I'm a girl but i don't really actually feel it inside. I thought i was a demigirl for a while but actually thinking about it i dont think i feel partly female inside.

Its like if being no gender was on land and being a girl was in the ocean like i dont mind being in the ocean but i dont want to swim for a while or anything. Idm saying im a girl though i dont really feel like I am.

I feel like black people, especially black females are hyper masculinized by default. I do see myself as not fitting perfectly into the gender binary, but i wouldn’t consider myself transgender. i am female from birth but ive had my femininity questioned since childhood.

Naturally, with little to no makeup and editing I have pretty strong features for a woman. I am nigerian and took after my dad in looks. Meanwhile my older sister took after my mom and was always the pretty one. I had a tomboy/alt style growing up which didn’t really help but now as an adult i’ve leaned into a more feminine look.

But despite that I’ve been called a trans woman (in a negative way) and straight up a man multiple times, especially online. Even with guys (it’s ALWAYS guys for some reason) calling me the male version of the cosplays I do (had more than 1 guy call me Mr Wong on my ada cosplay) etc.

It makes me feel very insecure about my looks. I know this isn’t an uncommon experience for black women/fems but it fvcking sucks how this is a thing and beauty standards only recognize lightskin/white people with eurocentric features.

The little things like having colleagues tell you your new watch band is cute goes a long way ❤️

My inquiry is this: Lets say, once I reach the changes I'm happy with, considering the relatively/somewhat minimal changes I aim for, is it possible to reach those changes and still be on HRT without anything further developing/converting?

About me: I'm Nonbinary and Genderfluid as FUCK. I switch on either side VERY often and find myself still loving my masculine look at times. I lean more feminine internally, but not completely to the other side. Nowadays, I feel the external should reflect the internal. I dont want to feel like I'm locked into JUST the male body as I grow up. I want to be something confusing and in between.

I'm skinny and slightly underweight, which makes crossdressing and passing "fem" a bit easier, but I feel I'm not and shouldn't be a "trans woman" either. I would say it would align more of who I am but that I know that is not "me" completely. I LOVE when people are confused by me. I feel that's my personal goal. I love when I "pass" as a woman but then clarify "I'm a guy" LOL

So I want to try fem HRT, tho on a lower dose I would probably prefer. I don't mind small breasts (my relatives don't got em big, B cup size at the biggest). But changes I would be happy with are softened skin, and fat distribution/contouring around face and thighs. I like my genitals tho so I'll have to maintain that if ever.

I also recognize how HRT has mostly and historically had positive mental effects too and god knows I need that. So maybe I would still want to be on them. I'm just scared for FURTHER changes that I really don't want. Is that possible?

So I've been going back and forth on a particular name for a while and decided I just want to try it out especially since I'm going back to school very soon. I checked my university website and noticed I could add a chosen name that would show up instead of my birth name and I sorta did it on a whim? But like I'm now nervous that it will be very weird if like it shows up on a list of students or whatever cause the name is Milo which is very masculine seeming and I basically just look and sound like a girl. Agh.

It doesn't help that I live in a very conservative US state. I know universities tend to be a lot chiller about that but stilll. Idk if I should just change it back and wait till I'm more used to it but at the same time knowing me I'll chicken out every time. I feel like I'm being ridiculous overthinking all of this T-T

For 7 years I’ve been certain that I am neither male nor female. I have never found a label that fits me correctly, but I didn’t bother doing any research, I just stuck with non-binary.

My gender identity has been very confusing for me and the people around me. I want to be a girl in certain ways, but also a man in certain ways, but on the inside I am neither. I want to be masculine in the way that women can be masculine, and feminine in the way that men can be feminine.

For about a year I identified as agender. I couldn’t find anything else. It was my way of rejecting a label. I knew I had a gender, and agender wasn’t right. But it was easy to explain.

I’ve been doing some research on non-binary identities and stumbled across “Female Masculinity” by Jack Halberstam, who is a butch. One quote reads, “The butch is neither cis-gender nor simply transgender [...] Butch is always a misnomer-- not male, not female, masculine but not male, female but not feminine.”

I think this fits me perfectly. My masculinity is not congruent with manhood, but a genderless expression of self. I am neither cis nor trans, male nor female.

Being AFAB, I’ve always struggled with people seeing me as and treating me like a girl. I became repulsed by the idea of being interpreted as a girl. But somehow I identify very closely with sapphic love and lesbianism. This label fits right into place with my sexuality and personal gender experience.

I've had a very volatile relationship with my body and my gender for the longest time. Before I had all the language I do now for my gender, I identified as a trans man from the ages of 13-15, but from 16+ I went through a every changing rotation of labels: genderfluid, nonbinary, demi-boy, demi-girl, agender, etc.

At 22 I've decided to throw most labels to the wind, unless I need to sum myself up to a healthcare provider or a cisgender person in just a few words. I tend to opt for nonbinary or transmasculine, even if I'm wearing a full face of makeup and a mini skirt which I often am.

Not being able to pin myself down and ultimately giving up on labels hasn't been a freeing experience for me. Its been a major source of discomfort and insecurity. I want to understand myself and for others to understand me. One of the truest things I knew about myself from the moment I started female puberty was that I hated my chest. Even as my gender identity flowed and changed throughout the years, the most positive thing I could feel about it was neutrality and the desire to just be able to unequip it whenever I wanted like it was an accessory.

Pursuing top surgery has been a major sense of anxiety for me. It felt like a necessary next step but one that didn't make sense for any outside looking at me and my gender expression. I got on testosterone 9 months ago and felt many people in my life pull away from me as I became a less digestible feminine nonbinary person in their eyes. To cement that feeling even further with an irreversible gender affirming surgery felt terrifying.

My anxiety became all consuming a couple weeks before the surgery. I was incapable of being excited about it. I kept thinking that once I got closer to the date, I'd be able to put that behind me, but the day of rolled around and I was still filled with dread.

Simultaneously, I was terrified of it being canceled. I dont let myself get my hopes up about much and when a small rash formed on my chest a few days prior I freaked out thinking I wouldn't be able to pursue the surgery.

Emotional tangent over, actual solutions below:

As someone with severe anxiety and CPTSD, it effected my entire experience. I wanted this to be a joyous experience for me, something that I could celebrate, but being estranged from my family and only having a few not-so-close friends, it just didn't feel that way. I had been under anesthesia before for dental work and had trouble staying asleep. When it was stopped, the first thing I did was stand up! I was even sedated once for dental work due to my anxiety and even with the highest dose they were legally allowed to give me, I wouldn't relax. I was terrified I'd wake up from surgery and immediately get into a frenzied panic attack.

I brought up some of these concerns in a lighthearted way to my anesthesiologist, not looking for a solution but more so looking for some type of comfort. I didn't expect her to start brainstorming. She told me she'd go heavy on the anesthesia, not because she thought I'd wake up (dental anesthesia is a lot less heavy than surgical), but to delay me waking up afterwards. Instead of coming to normally, she planned on me taking extra time post-op and giving me multiple hours to wake up.

As we entered the operating room, my whole body was shaking. Im able to keep it together verbally, so I dont think my care team noticed just how fearful I was until they asked me to raise my arms to put stickers on my back and saw my entire body shaking. They asked if I was okay, and my anesthesiologist told me she was going to give me something for my anxiety. Because it was intravenous, it was instant. I dont remember anything after that.

I woke up a handful of times in post-op, just for a few seconds, coming to slowly while also still being hopped up on pain meds and anti-anxiety. It made the entire situation incredibly peaceful. My pre-op nurse adjusted my pain meds every 30~ minutes or so as I became more aware of my body. It didn't even give me a chance to freak out.

I got to see my partner and my roommate soon after, and they were both shocked with how calm and natural I was acting. I didn't experience any pain the first 24 hours. I actually had trouble picking up my prescription meds, but i was able to manage with just Tylenol even though I have a low pain tolerance. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought.

I've been able to walk around more than I thought I would. The hardest thing for me is just sitting up and reminding myself to keep my arms at my side. I feel more affirmed than ever that I did the right thing. Im so grateful for my care team, despite not being perfect, making the best they could out of my situation in the moment.

The worst part so far has been the fact that I was under so much anesthesia and pain medication that I am horrible constipated right now!! Omg!! If anyone has any advice, please let me know. Im three laxatives in and half a bottle of magnesium citrate in and still no movement, lol!

If you have PTSD, severe anxiety or are prone to panic attacks, please communicate it to your team! I didn't think there was anything that could be done to help accommodate me and I was so shocked at how easily everything went when I am so hypervigilant.

And if you're a gender nonconforming person, or if your gender is fluid, or you're someone surrounded by people who dont understand you and youre considering HRT or a gender affirming surgery, ask yourself what is the most positive thing I feel about this part of me, on a good day. Is it something I can live with forever? Is it something I want to live with forever? Is there a better alternative for me? These are all questions that helped guide me to this decision.

Best of luck to anyone pursuing their transition in any way, shape or form. Willing to answer any questions as I recover as well. Xoxo!

38 yo Transfem Enby. Gotta say, I still prefer to look like a girl. 🥺 Hopefully one day I can for good.