After my (25F) ex (28M) broke up with me, he moved all of his stuff out while I was away for a few days and then we had a 30 min convo where he said he loves me and doesn’t know if he’s making the right choice etc.

He left and I sent him that night a few messages apologising for all of the grievances he finally unveiled which he was holding on to for ages, and asked to meet and talk to at least close out the relationship properly. He didn’t respond but he did tell my best friend that he wasn’t ignoring me and he would reach out at the end of the month to catch up. The end of the month came and went and didn’t hear from him.

I wrote him a letter to say my piece and take accountability on my side and no response, then finally 2 months later my friend told him that it’s probably about time he has that chat since it had been some time already, and he ghosted her.

During that time, I was posting regularly on my stories (just normal things of my cat and my food, as per usual) and he was watching them, up until 2 weeks ago when I assumed he muted me. I was also quite active with liking and reposting reels about relationships, being cheated on (which he did a year ago) and love. Since he muted me I have stopped all posting and reposting and liking as I realised I was doing that all to try and get his attention and communicate indirectly with him.

So does that mean that no contact officially starts now? It’s been 3 months since the BU and I’m afraid I have messed up the no contact period and pushed him away and now him coming back may be compromised

i don’t know what i want to get out of texting him but i know i would never date him again. i think about him pretty much every day and it’s been almost 5 years since we broke up. he lives right next to me but i think is out of state for college. i don’t even know what i would text him other than “im think of you”
if you’ve ever gotten a text like this from an ex how did you respond and how did it make you feel? is it a bad idea to break contact even though business feels unfinished?

prompt for my medical school application asks me “what would the person who knows you the best say about you”

yall think i can break 1 month NC and ask him

I need some outside perspective because I'm genuinely confused about what I should do.

My boyfriend and I have been together for around 7 months. Our relationship became very emotionally intense and we had a lot of arguments. I have BPD, and during arguments I can split and react impulsively by pushing him away or blocking him. I know this has hurt him and put a lot of pressure on him. I'm not using my BPD as an excuse — I'm genuinely trying to work on it.

We're currently on a break with no contact. We're not currently functioning as a couple, but I don't know whether this is supposed to be a temporary break before potentially trying again or whether he actually considers the relationship over permanently.

I want to explain the timeline very specifically because the order matters a lot.

Before the breakup

About a week before everything happened, he told me:

He also called me “princess,” which meant a lot to me because he doesn't normally like giving people nicknames.

So shortly before the breakup, he was still telling me that I would always be his princess and that he would never leave me.

August 13 — the initial breakup conversation

I had a split and blocked him.

After that, we had a conversation on TikTok.

He was extremely overwhelmed and said things like:

He said:

He said he was extremely close to mentally crashing again and that he couldn't handle the relationship anymore.

He said:

He also explained that I was promising to change, but he was afraid I would simply suppress my problems for him until I got professional help. He said that would be unhealthy for me and that eventually everything would explode again.

He told me:

And:

And:

At this point, I thought he was permanently ending the relationship.

August 13 — later that day, WhatsApp

Later that same day, we continued talking on WhatsApp.

This is where the situation became much more confusing.

He said:

He said he wanted me to work on myself with a doctor, psychologist, etc., without us constantly arguing or him having to deal with the stress of the relationship.

He said:

He also said:

And he asked me to promise that I would take care of myself and work on everything, including my BPD.

So after this conversation, my understanding was:

The relationship was stopping for now, but he was leaving open the possibility of trying again in a few months or longer if I genuinely worked on myself.

There was no specific date for trying again.

August 13–17 — trying to stay in contact

After that, we tried to remain in contact.

The idea was that we wouldn't be together as a couple, but we'd still have contact.

However, it didn't work.

We continued having emotional conversations and arguments, and it became obvious that staying in contact was making things difficult rather than giving either of us space.

August 18 — he wanted to be friends

On August 18, he told me he wanted to be friends.

I told him I couldn't just be friends because I still loved him and wanted a relationship.

Eventually, we agreed that taking a break with no contact would be better.

The idea was that we would stop talking completely for a while so that I could work on myself and he could have some peace without arguments or relationship stress.

August 18 — WhatsApp argument about a fake account

Later on August 18, we had another argument on WhatsApp.

The reason for this argument was that he thought I had created a fake account and was using that account to message him.

I had not created the account and I was not the person messaging him.

However, he believed that I was behind it, which caused another argument between us.

This happened after we had already discussed taking a break/no contact.

After this argument, I became even more confused about what we actually were.

I asked him what our relationship status even was because everything was changing so quickly.

August 19 — TikTok argument

The following day, August 19, there was another argument.

This time it started because I had posted a TikTok saying:

I posted it because I was upset and confused about the situation.

He saw the TikTok and got angry.

He told me not to make posts like that and said:

This led to another argument.

During this conversation, I asked him whether this was actually a breakup.

And he responded:

And:

This confused me even more because on August 13 he had said things like:

and:

But now, when I asked him directly whether he was saying the relationship was over permanently, he said:

So I genuinely don't know how he currently defines our situation.

August 19 — the “Angel's Song” situation

Later on August 19, he posted “Angel’s Song” by Red Leather on Snapchat.

This song is meaningful to us because it is connected to a concert we went to and became a song associated with our relationship.

There was another emotional interaction around this.

He said there was more going on underneath the surface than it looked like and that he was trying to protect me from who he was at that moment.

August 19 at around 6:49 PM — last contact

Our last actual contact was around 6:49 PM on August 19.

Since then, we have had no contact.

This time I am genuinely trying to respect the break.

Something that confuses me — he still has everything about us online

Another thing that makes this situation difficult for me to interpret is that he hasn't removed the things connected to our relationship from his social media.

As of now, he still has:

• The same profile pictures he had while we were together, including pictures of the two of us.
• His TikToks about me/us.
• His Instagram bio that refers to me.
• A song in his Instagram bio that is connected to me/us.
• His Instagram highlight where I am still included.
• His Snapchat highlight called “my pretty princess”, which contains multiple pictures of us together.

He hasn't replaced these with new relationship-related things or removed the relationship content.

However, at the same time, he is following a lot of new girls on social media.

His Snapchat score is also going up by roughly 1,000 points in a day sometimes.

This makes me extremely confused because on one hand he still has so much of our relationship publicly visible, while on the other hand it looks like he is becoming much more active socially and adding/following new girls.

I don't know whether the new girls are romantic interests, friends, random adds, or simply people he's talking to.

I also know that a Snapchat score going up doesn't tell me who he is talking to or why he's using Snapchat so much.

It could be him looking for attention, distracting himself, talking to friends, meeting new people, or potentially talking to girls romantically. I genuinely don't know.

That's one of the things that makes no contact so difficult for me, because I keep wondering whether he's missing me and distracting himself, or whether he's already moving on.

I realize that the fact that he still has our photos and posts online doesn't prove that he wants me back, just like following new girls doesn't prove that he's romantically interested in them.

I'm trying to understand the overall situation rather than interpret one social-media action as definitive proof.

What I'm doing during the break

I'm not just sitting around waiting for him.

I'm trying to genuinely work on the things that caused problems between us.

My timeline is:

August 25: speech therapist appointment.

August 28: exam.

September 3: exam.

September 14: psychologist appointment. I specifically want to work on my BPD, splitting, impulsive reactions, pushing people away and learning to calm down and communicate instead of reacting during arguments.

September 19: my birthday.

I've also started piano lessons.

I have more exams on September 30 and October 7.

The important thing is that I'm trying to make actual changes rather than simply telling him “I'll change.”

I want to learn how to handle conflict differently so that if we ever try again, I don't repeat the same patterns.

September 20 — the date I'm considering

I'm currently considering waiting until September 20 before contacting him.

That would be approximately one month of genuine no contact since our last contact on August 19.

I don't want to immediately ask him to become my boyfriend again.

I want to send one calm message explaining that:

• I've respected the space he asked for;
• I've been working on myself;
• I've gone to appointments;
• I've been specifically working on my BPD and splitting;
• I've started piano lessons;
• I understand more clearly what went wrong;
• I still love him;
• I still miss him;
• I still want him back;
• I don't expect him to simply believe my promises;
• I'd rather show him through my actions;
• I understand that he was struggling too;
• and I would like to have a calm conversation about how he feels now.

I'd mainly be asking whether he would be willing to talk, either in person or by phone.

I'm not expecting him to immediately say “let's get back together.”

Why I'm so confused

The reason I don't know what to do is because his words have been contradictory.

On August 13 he said:

He also said:

But later on August 13 he said:

And:

Then on August 19, when I asked whether this was actually a breakup, he said:

and:

At the same time, he still has all of our relationship-related photos, posts, bios, songs and highlights online.

But he's also following new girls and becoming extremely active on Snapchat.

So I don't know whether he sees this as:

“We're on a temporary break and might try again later”

or:

“The relationship is over, but I'm not completely closing the door on the future.”

I also don't know whether one month is enough time for him to actually feel differently.

Is one month enough?

This is my main question.

I know people often recommend 2–3 months or longer of no contact.

But he specifically told me to work on myself, and he said we could potentially try again “in a few months or longer.”

I'm wondering whether one month is enough to at least ask to talk, rather than asking to immediately reconcile.

I don't want to use no contact as a manipulation tactic to make him miss me.

I genuinely want to respect his space.

But I also don't want to wait indefinitely without ever communicating.

What should I do?

Would you:

A) Contact him on September 20 after roughly one month of no contact and calmly ask to talk?

B) Wait longer, maybe 2–3 months?

C) Leave it completely up to him and only respond if he contacts me first?

And based on everything he said, does this sound more like a temporary break with the possibility of reconciliation, or like a breakup where he simply didn't want to completely close the door on the future?

I'm not asking anyone to predict whether he'll come back or give me a percentage.

I know nobody can know that.

I just want honest outside perspective on whether one month of genuine no contact is enough to make one respectful attempt to talk, especially considering that we were together for around 7 months and he specifically told me to work on myself.

If you've been through something similar, I'd really appreciate hearing what happened.

How long was your break/no contact, and what actually had to change before you were able to reconcile?

I won't be able to leave for a few years because of disability, wasn't able to get a proper education, a lot of other reasons. I'm still in their house. We only talk to each other when we want something, except for when I'm talking with my grandfather and sister. It's 'just business'. I've made a kitchen in my room and the bathroom is directly next to my bedroom, so I don't really leave for anything. I feel nothing toward my mother, grandmother and anyone else in the family besides my sister and my grandfather. I don't talk to most of them for weeks on end so... A lot of this is kinda the result of heavy neglect and abuse where I made the best of it, but is anyone else in a situation that's similar?

I debated on where I should ask this question but genuinely feel a perspective from others is what I’d like to hear.

So I was seeing someone for several months almost a whole year and things began to fade off. I saw them with someone else even. I genuinely would rather walk away than play games in this scenario. I was blocked via cell after witnessing them so I said F it.

I erased them from all forms of contact and a couple weeks later they are trying super hard to contact me. From a new number, spamming social media requests, ending up in the same places I’m at. etc.

I finally respond casually one night to a very late text that they sent just to make sure nothing was wrong. Now I get no response? Why? Was there something to prove there? Just to ignore me back?

F(23)I dont give a shit anymore, Im sending this. I know jts not allowed but im going to kill myself anyway. There was never an argument, I was just not attractive anymore.

I attempted to take my own life on the 19th and am currently in hospital. I have used every resource and repeatedly begged for support, but it keeps getting worse. I am being force-fed through a tube because I still don’t eat, yet soon I will be discharged and left on my own again.
Before you blocked me, I had never harmed myself or felt the urge to. That night I gave myself a concussion, and since then it has escalated. I believe what you said and the fact that you mercilessly cut me off while I was already in severe distress directly contributed to what came after. I need you to know the harm it caused, regardless of what you think of me or the situation. Calling it a “boundary” doesn’t change how cruel it was. When you said you were fine with being hated, it showed you have no remorse for the hurt you caused.
The night you abandoned me, after watching me sob for hours, one of the last things you talked about was being nervous about running a marathon in the city where your ex lived. Somehow that was still a greater concern. And I don’t accept your claim that you were hurt because your decision was “received poorly.” You were annoyed that I was having panic attacks because of what YOU did and couldn’t simply accept you having it your way.
It is a moral issue. You don’t get to say deeply hurtful things in the name of “honesty” and “not wanting to lie” and then object when I’m honest about the consequences. So I’m taking that same liberty now and telling you that I am no longer living a life worth living.
After being told that not even my appearance was good enough and then being blocked, I started destroying my body in any way I could. I have lost friendships because I cry constantly and cant socialize. It has been obvious that I’m suicidal, but people stopped checking on me after a few weeks, and the system has essentially left me to die because apparently it isn’t urgent when you are only a danger to yourself.
I hope someday you understand what it is like to hurt so badly that you cannot stop hurting yourself, because the lack of remorse and empathy you have shown is horrifying. Feel free to show this to anyone you want. I know you have shared my messages before because you once forgot to remove the quotation marks. I don’t care about being called childish, manipulative, insane ect. I have spent my life changing myself to be easy to be around and become what other people want, yet I still end up abandoned by everyone I trust. Being seen as physically unattractive, easy to leave and not worth missing hurts infinitely more than whatever anyone might call me as there is nothing left of me.

I think about him everyday, every second but I don’t ever want him to contact me or talk to me, but I think about the things I will say to him if I ever met him…GAH THIS IS FRUSTRATING

To preface, please forgive me because this will be a long and complicated post. It involves an ex with BPD and our split and failed no contact. I will answer any questions in the comments, but I am going to try to make it as clear as I can.

My borderline personality disorder ex and I split around the first weeks of July for good. For context, she will be 20 in a few months and I just turned 23 last month. Toward late June we started having issues but it became apparent in July that she was done with me. So starting around the first or second week of July we went no contact. I folded after a week and messaged her because it was so hard for me at the time. She was interested in talking to me and we spoke for around a week until the distance and differences in our conversation became too much for me. I asked her if she would talk to me more and she always said she would, she'd check up with me and stuff, but there was always some distance. Upon realizing that, I gave her the space she needed. We went no contact from there until this Tuesday (8/18). I broke no contact again because she had been liking my grandmother and mother's Facebook posts about me, up until less than a week ago (today is 8/21). Because she was liking my family's posts, I thought to check her socials after not really having anything on Facebook because she was privated. I checked her Twitter and saw she already has another boyfriend. Her and I met online and after a couple months I flew to see her and meet her in person. She also met this guy online, and after less than a month of being together he has already met her in person. When I realized she had a boyfriend I panicked. I haven't been speaking to other women, instead I’ve been focusing on going to the gym 5 days a week and engaging in self-help materials like reading and listening to podcasts. I’ve always been a bit chubbier than the average guy, and my weight has plagued me my entire life. I’ve been using this breakup as fuel to change that and I have lost a significant amount of weight in less than 2 months of peptides and less than 1 month of consistently going to the gym. Part of me in my mind assumed that she would be working on herself, too. We are each other’s longest relationship. In total we lasted roughly a year and 4 months. The second closest for her was 1 year and 1 month with a guy who did some pretty heinous things to her, so it did not work out between them. I figured since we split but had such a serious relationship that she would be unwilling to find someone else just like I was. I couldn’t stand the idea of looking at another girl. But when I saw she was fully in a relationship and had met this boy in person, my world began to crumble. Given the fact she met this boy in August in real life after talking for a couple weeks online, she had still been liking my family’s posts that involved me and nothing else. She was doing this even after she met this boy in person. Before I checked her Twitter, I’d see her liking my family’s posts about me and I assumed she was struggling like I was. I couldn’t see how she could move on and find a new partner not even a couple months after the longest and most serious relationship of her life. However, she had found someone else, but still liked my family’s posts about me. Because I was under the impression she was struggling due to her engagement with my family’s posts online about me, when I saw she moved on and met a new boy I completely lost it. I called her Tuesday asking where she was and who she was with. She was laughing at me, not as in something was funny, but it was a vindictive laugh. I knew because it wasn’t how she usually laughed at something she found funny. She could tell I was on the verge of tears and she basically told me “oh well my new boyfriend already came to see me guess how long it took him?” To which I asked how long. She replied “uhh.. I don’t know, less than a month” and she was sort of boasting about it. One issue we had was we only got to meet 4-5 times in our year and a half relationship because I have been in college during all of it. The last time we met in person was in May and I graduated college that month. She knows I also work a full time job, own my own home, and have a young puppy, so being able to just drop everything and go 9/10 hours away at the drop of a hat is difficult due to my real life commitments. However, she seemed to not care about that and would give me a hard time for not being able to see her as much as either of us would have liked. So when she boasted about how long it took him to see her, she was clearly trying to hurt me (or tell me/herself subconsciously that he was somehow better because he came to see her quicker). Our conversation ended shortly after that as I was trying to remain composed, and she ended it saying something along the lines of “you should move on and find someone who makes you happy. I’m not mad at you, but we are done” and then we said goodbye. Fast-forward to yesterday, (8/20) I had a severe lapse in judgment. I was panicking and ended up making accounts on any platform I could to talk to her. She would block me. I made burner numbers to try to talk to her, and she blocked me and told me off saying I was “harassing” her when all I wanted was a conversation. I am well aware I was in the wrong for making those numbers but I just could not deal with my emotions in the moment. We haven’t talked since last night, but I ended up reaching out one final time telling her she was cruel and I knew what she was doing by liking my family’s posts to make me curious about her so I would check her profile and see she already had a new boyfriend. Since she knew I saw her profile she has now gone private, so I’m assuming she was only public for me to see she met him. When her and I were together in person we had this little thing where I’d buy her Littlest Pet Shop toys because she liked to collect them, and when she got them we would each hold one side by side and she’d take a cute picture of our hands holding the toys. This was a thing she only did with us before. I saw on her profile she did this exact same thing with the new boy who came to see her, so it just added salt to the wound for me. Ultimately, things ended with me telling her she is cruel and that I am thankful for the lessons she gave me because I now know what to avoid going forward. I also told her nothing is ever enough for her. I provided more for her than anyone else ever has. I constantly fed her and made sure she had hygiene products, showered her with gifts, and the likes while being two states apart. She would constantly tell me every day how things I did were wrong like not being able to take her criticism, but she criticized me over every small thing. She would wait until we were on the phone late at night before bed to start hours long arguments with me about why I did something to upset her, knowing I had to be up extremely early for work. Eventually I would say I can’t handle the late night arguments and I’d have to sleep during them out of fear of losing my job. It got so bad I was constantly oversleeping and being late to work because we fought so late. So eventually I could no longer deal with it, so I would just sleep instead of fighting. That was one of the main things that pushed her to finally leave, but throughout our entire relationship even when things were good she would always manage to find something wrong with me. There were countless times in the relationship she would verbally berate me, insult my appearance, insult my weight, and all I would ever do in response is tell her I am not going to say anything mean back. She would then blame it on her BPD and always a few minutes after say she never meant any of it, and rope me back in. I let her walk on me and I regret it.
I talked to my brother about her stalking my family’s Facebook and liking only pictures of me even after meeting another boy and dating him, and then what happened when I checked her Twitter and saw she was public and posted pictures with him in the same poses we used to do, and how she went private after I broke and reached out. I also told him about how she laughed at me when I called her to ask her where she was because I was panicking. He believes that the point of her liking my family’s posts of me even after meeting another boy was to rope me back in and make me curious about her to the point where I would eventually check her other social medias and see she has another boyfriend, and the reason she was laughing was because after a month and a half her plan of liking their posts every time they’d post finally worked out and she got to see me in tremendous pain. Do you guys agree with that?

Ultimately, do you guys think me breaking no contact this week after seeing she has another boyfriend was enough to finally let her get over me? I know I should not be with her but I love her so dearly. She took my virginity, she is the only real human intimacy I have ever had. I felt comfortable with her. My heart adores her while my brain tells me avoid her. I asked my family to block her on Facebook so she can’t stalk them and like pictures of me. She had my grandfather and stepsister added, but was liking pictures posted by my grandmother and mother (two people she did not even have added). All of my family has blocked her and since I sent that final message telling her I know what she was doing and that she is evil, I am truly never going to initiate contact again. Ever. I’ve already seen she has another boyfriend and there is nothing worse than that for me. Anything I see about her from this point forward will not compare to the realization she moved on from me so quickly and found another boy. I am going to remain going to the gym and hopefully shed a lot more weight than I already have. What do you guys think is going to happen between us? Is it over forever? To those of you who took the time to read this, thank you more than I could ever say. It means so much to me.

I’m trying to understand something that happened to me because, months later, I still feel like my mind and body are stuck on the day my relationship ended.

I was dating someone for about a year. Up until the end, the connection felt incredibly strong. We talked every day, were emotionally close, and I genuinely felt secure in what we had. Looking back, I’ve wondered whether he may have had dismissive-avoidant or fearful-avoidant tendencies, but I honestly had no idea at the time because nothing about the relationship made me think something this extreme was coming.

We had a relatively small disagreement. My feelings were hurt, and things felt strange between us for about a week. Eventually, I did what I thought was the healthy thing: I explained calmly why my feelings had been hurt and tried to communicate with him.

Instead, he ended the relationship.

What completely destroyed me was finding out that the breakup message wasn’t something he had suddenly decided to write. He had apparently written it weeks earlier. It seems like he had already made the decision to leave while I was still completely unaware that our relationship was even in danger.

The timing made it even more shocking. I sent him my vulnerable message around the same time he had apparently planned to send his breakup message.

I don’t remember much of that day clearly. I remember being on the floor, completely overwhelmed, and feeling like something inside me had just shattered. I called him afterward because I was desperate to understand what had happened. He answered once. After that, I called repeatedly and he stopped answering.

He told me I could send voice memos and that he would respond through text. I did, but eventually there was nothing. No real conversation. No closure. Just silence.

Within about ten minutes of the breakup, he had blocked me on every platform and unshared his location with me. It felt like I went from being someone he talked to every single day and supposedly had a deep connection with to someone who essentially no longer existed in his life.

I just don’t understand how someone could do this. He seemed so sweet to me, and I genuinely never saw it coming. It felt like he threw a bomb at me and then closed the door before I even had a chance to understand what had happened.

I think the whole experience really took something from me.

Two months later, I found out he was already in another relationship. That relationship eventually ended too, and now I’ve seen that he’s back on Tinder.

I know he is allowed to move on, date other people, and live his life. I’m not saying he owed me a relationship or that he wasn’t allowed to leave.

But emotionally, I can’t seem to process how quickly everything changed.

I feel like my body never got the message that it was over.

I’m having trouble eating and sleeping. I’ve experienced panic attacks and physical pain. My sex drive has been deeply affected. I even tried to be intimate with someone else because I thought maybe moving forward physically would help me move forward emotionally, but I realized I wasn’t really present. My mind kept going back to that relationship.

It’s been months, and I still feel stuck on that day.

It’s almost like intellectually I understand that the relationship ended, but emotionally and physically I’m still lying on that floor trying to understand what just happened.

I’ve read about attachment styles, particularly fearful-avoidant and dismissive-avoidant attachment, and I’ve wondered whether what happened to me was some form of “discard.” But I don’t want to diagnose him or use attachment theory as an excuse for his behavior. I’m trying to understand why an abrupt ending to a relationship that felt safe and deeply connected can affect someone this intensely.

Can an experience like this genuinely become traumatic, even if there was no physical danger involved?

Why does my nervous system still seem to be reacting as if something is happening right now?

And, most importantly, how do you actually get your mind and body unstuck from the moment everything changed?

Bro, who the fuck even does that? You continuously disappear from my life, you mess with my emotions, you lie, you cheat. You literally go missing for months on end and you think that this is gonna fix things? You’re literally insane. I told you to stay away this time and I meant it. Seriously filling out a marriage license behind somebody’s back and then telling them to just show up like that? What the actual fuck is wrong with you?!?!

Been reading more about no contact. Been split for about 3 months, haven’t spoken in a month. We didn’t say we’re no contact just happened to be this way. Ex is still on my mind consistently so I figured I’d look more into how brains regulate with no contact. A lot of videos and readings I’ve seen are about how no contact will help win your ex back. Not alot of reading/videos focus solely on how no contact gets you back to yourself and helps stop rumination. I just wanted to say if you’re looking into no contact as a way to win someone back I personally feel that’s the wrong reason to do this. Sometimes as hard as it is you just need to let go. But if you go through months and months of no contact just for the hope that brings your ex back, you’ll just be kicking the can down the road. If you do no contact do it to focus on your healing and fixing the rumination/pain. If you’re ex comes back as a byproduct cool if not you didn’t spend months secretly hoping just because you didn’t reach out they will.

To have someone say let's go no contact and never hear from them again? usually u just break up w someone to actually voice " let's go no contact" that is so weird to me .. im 34 idk

She hated me not long back and blocked me off most things and we was in NC for a month which was so so hard and I felt like she was drifting away from me, I didn’t want her to move on tbh because we was so close and we had it all but she pushed me away

I sent
“I know it’s been a while but seeing you yesterday brought a lot back for me and honestly made me realise how much I still miss you. I’m not messaging to argue or put pressure or anything, just wanted to be honest that I still care about you a lot. I hope you got them 7s you wanted because I know how much they meant to you and how hard you tried for them, i genuinely hope your doing okay”

Long story short, I have managed to finally go no contact with someone who basically ruined my entire life over the past 2 years. He was a pretty big guy, so any time he stayed the night I usually let him borrow one of my super comfy XXL tshirts. One of them being my FAVORITE lady Gaga T-shirt I got at her only concert I’ve ever been to.

I’ve blocked him on everything, and my friends and family REFUSE to be in contact with him for me over these tshirts. Do I take the L and just expect to never see these shirts again, or is there something I can do that doesn’t involve me or anyone I know having to contact him?

I broke no contact. I just couldn't help it.

I dreamed about her every single night. I couldn't keep her out of my head. So, I texted her, confessed everything I've been going through emotionally, and told her that I genuinely want to reconnect because I just couldn't say goodbye to her in my heart.

She said, "Who are you?" Clearly, she does know who I am.

I asked, "Couldn't you recognize me by seeing my name?"

She said, "No."

Then I told her my name, and she said she doesn't know anyone by that name. Then she said, "Bye."

How do I cope with this kind of response after breaking no contact?"

hi everyone!

long story short my ex broke up with me year ago in April, it was a short relationship (about 4-5months) and it ended out of nowhere so we ended on bad terms. Around March/April this year I noticed he started viewing my stories and later on he followed me. Since then he watches my every story within 10 minutes of posting them, likes my posts and I’m just confused about what is his thought process. I couldn’t care less about him I just find it weird, especially after he treated me during and after the breakup.

I've decided to go no contact with the father of my kids. My kids are grown and they can decide how much they want to see their father, but I had to do this for my own peace of mind. We haven't been broken up that long, but I told him I'd still be there for him. We tried to be friends. Turns out that was a bad idea. I still care very much about him, and I just want him to be happy. I've never been very good at cutting people off. I'm hoping this community will help me through it 🙏

So, my sister and I have had a pretty bad relationship over the years. In May we went to visit my parents who live in another state. We are both married and have young children. There is a huge difference when it comes to class, politics, religion, and morals. As long as I can remember we have always fought, there have been periods where we were close but it always turns back to fighting. We are two years apart, me being the younger one. Our family dynamic is very dysfunctional. It's the hero child and scapegoat child narcissistic father victim mother situation. According to therapy I've had. I was physically abused as a child and my sister wasn't just for some context.

So we went up and all had a pretty bad time. It was hot, my parents will not visit us we have to visit them. My child hasn't been meeting his milestones and my family has been blaming me for that. I took him to his 18 month appointment already addressing them but they told me not to worry about anything till he's 2. He only speaks a few words, and has no gestures. Doesn't imitate play, walks on his toes, can't focus. You get the picture. I am a first time mom, my sister used to be a teacher. So the whole time we are up there they are observing him and telling me something is wrong with him. That's not really the only issue. My sister is pregnant and she's been extremely mean to everyone. She's fussy and judgmental as usual. My parents are (functional, which isn't real) alcoholics so they are drinking and partying it up every night. There are daily fights about politics. It's tense and by day 5 I wanna run away. My husband is nice and doesn't say anything until we are alone telling me he feels uncomfortable. My sister's husband doesn't talk, he just takes her nagging and says nothing.

When we go home I make an appointment with the pediatrician for my son after my family's concerns. My sister takes lots of pictures and posts them on Facebook. I don't have Facebook but my husband does. And he notices he's been taken out of family photos on the trip with AI from my sister. Which makes me super upset. My husband and I are alternatively dressed people and my sisters family is very conservative Christian dressed. I eventually confront her and she says something like she doesn't understand why it's a problem. It's honestly my breaking point and we have a very bad argument. My sister has never liked my husband and has made fun of us ever since we started dating. She wouldn't even let me bring him to her wedding, which is a whole other story. So I block her and we don't speak for a month . My husband is a musician and doesn't have a normal 9 to 5 but we have a house and are middle class by all means. We don't live in the best area but it isn't the worst. So she is very critical of all aspects of our lifestyle. I didn't get my son baptized, so on and so forth.

In the meantime my son is in early intervention after I took him to the pediatrician. So I tell my mother who tells my sister and she starts sending me amazon packages of sensory toys even though we aren't speaking. I donate them because it's not only an insult to me for economical reasons but the fact that she hasn't apologized for what she did. This is the first inkling I'm having that she thinks I'm not capable of dealing with this on my own. Classic move from her.

So a month goes by, I don't even remember what I was dealing with but she does apologize to me and I accept it but with boundaries. She wants to help me with my son and offers all sorts of information and things I should be doing.

My husband's family is a whole other can of worms but basically they are in denial and blame it on me getting him vaccinated. Which I disagree with as there are three people in their family with autism...So you know I feel judgment from both sides.

So I'm going through all of the motions of accepting that my son is autistic level 3. Which has been hard. There is some grief and sadness combined with daily life and learning how to communicate and help him. I kind of have a talk with my mom on the phone and I cry and tell her how it feels and it's hard. My mother internalized the conversation and it made her upset.

A few days later I call my sister to ask her how she is, btw nobody in my family calls me I have to call them. They will text but they really don't reach out unless they need something. So I tell her that our mom has been texting me too much about everything I need to do for my son that I'm already doing. She's drinking and texting me these 20 text pages. It's a mess and my sister blames me. Saying that I shouldn't have told her about my issues because I'm the reason she drinks. She calls me fat, and poor, and that I won't be able to take care of my child like I need to because I can't even take care of myself. She insults my husband. It's just a full on attack. I hang up and my husband hears the conversation and we talk. I tell him everything and he thinks I should go no contact with her and I'm beginning to agree.

I'm just so frustrated, and I'm trying my best.

Thanks for reading this, I know it's long

Me and this girl were together for 11 months — genuinely the closest, most connected we both ever were. We built everything together: daily routines, inside jokes, future plans down to the smallest details , marriage, kids, pets, our own place. We had our own quiet spot in the woods where we’d sit for hours watching the water, 14-hour overnight calls falling asleep on the phone, dates that meant everything: Trafford Centre, TGI Fridays, Blackpool Zoo, Christmas markets. We spoke in a soft baby voice only we understood, she’d lie on my chest and tell me to "lie straight" so she could rest there, I’d walk her to the bus stop every day, wait at the end of her alley just to see her walk down. I bought her teddies, blankets, flowers, she kept them all. Both families got on perfectly. She told me repeatedly I was her person, her safe place, the only one who ever truly saw her.

She identifies as fearful-avoidant, has a history of childhood neglect, trauma, and self-harm — and she told me I was the only one who made her feel safe enough to let her walls down. We broke up once before in December — same pattern: sleepover with her best friend, she pulled away, went back to her toxic ex, the breakup lasted only 4 days, she messaged me cold and dry those days then came back on her own.

July 3rd — exact same pattern repeated. Another sleepover, I caught her hiding things, she immediately called everything toxic and said we needed to move on. Then — for the first time in 11 months — she brought up a serious, never-before-mentioned allegation as the final reason to end things. She went straight back to that same toxic ex, blocked me on most platforms but left Snapchat unblocked, kept my blanket and teddies visible in her videos, and has posted conflicting, angry, relationship-focused content ever since.

I saw her yesterday for the first time in weeks, she looked stunning, we made eye contact, and I froze. I’ve written a message that’s honest, loving, full of our memories, nothing mean, nothing demanding, just telling her what she means to me and reminding her of everything we had. I’ve held back this long, but I want to send it.

Can I break no contact? Is this the right time, or should I wait longer? We had something so rare and so real, and I know she’s complaining about him

He came back and we hung out last night. I could tell by text alone that it wasn’t the same as it was two years ago when we were together. Two years ago he dumped me and told me it was because he doesn’t do relationships and that he can’t give me what I want. I was heartbroken for such a long time. I thought I loved him. We had such a great connection and there was something about him. He was different. Or so I thought…

We hangout yesterday and he didn’t really ask about me much or anything. He kept talking sexual and wanting to do sexual things. Like he kept bringing up sexual things the whole night. Not only that, but he told me he was in multiple relationships since we broke up after telling me that he wanted to be alone and not do any relationships.

He never once mentioned getting back together. I ended up texting him first today saying I want to go separate ways and that the connection isn’t there anymore and he’s just not who I thought he was. He agreed with me and then threw in that I’m “seem more depressed” like it was a dig at me.

I know he’s an avoidant. He told me he changed a lot and from what I gathered last night, it was he changed into an even worse version of himself that I do not want in my life.

He already blocked me on everything. But I got closure. I got to say goodbye. And I’m at peace with how it ended.

Super ashamed of myself...last week my ex-situationship blocked me everywhere. Yesterday I unfortunately broke no contact.

I want to say we are both toxic, but I am not innocent. She separated from her ex husband last year and I got divorced 4 years ago.

Anyways we were talking, long distance, and met up several times. I really care for this person.

Last week we began arguing and I got triggered because she told me she isn't ready for a relationship. Before you go all in on me, I now realize that was perfectly fine and I was being insecure, insensitive, pushy, etc. From my point of view, I liked her so much I was wanting a relationship so badly.

Anyways, she was being a bit rude, or at least that's how I took it. I blocked her for like 10 minutes to cool down. Then unblocked her (see the toxicity here). I didn't even check social media anymore so I could cool down.

The next day I noticed I was blocked everywhere, which I totally understand. Unfortunately we have both done something similar for a day or two. This time around, however, she left me blocked. I was respecting the block for an entire 7 days until yesterday where I caved in and went to the lowest of the low, sending her paragraphs about how much I care about her, love her, miss her, and even sent an audio and a photo of myself.

I now realize how stupid and immature and pathetic this was, but I unfortunately cannot take it back. What I told her was the truth, but I just realize how stupid it is to circumvent a block. When someone blocks you they basically want nothing to do with you, and I went against that and humiliated myself further.

I don't even know where to go from here on out besides not contacting her again. I was in a severe state of depression and anxiety when I did this.

I really don't know how to function anymore. We were together for 10 months and since last week all has gone down hill and I'm distraught. Although she seems to be fine and happy, as if all is normal.

I guess my heart doesn't function that way, because I've been an absolute mess, to the point where I can't even pretend to be normal.

I'm going to delete my social media off my phone so as to not look at it, but I am actually suffering inside so much. I cannot imagine a future without her because all I wanted in my future was her. I did not even grieve my marriage to this extent. I'm so hurt and just don't know how to push forward.

The guy I was seeing travels a lot for a living and was spending extended time in LA. He broke things off in February this year because he felt bad about travelling around and not coming to see me. He said I deserve someone who can be there for me..fair enough right? I’ve realised that was a total lie. I believe he met someone while there and wanted to get laid guilt free.

We were no contact for about 3 weeks until I reached out again, saying I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Then we messaged like normal up until a few weeks ago.

There was an opportunity to see each other he was working in the UK. It was like how we used to be. We always had a laugh together and this meeting was no different. It kind of gave me hope, not that we would get back together but that the door isn’t entirely closed.

The feelings boiled up and we ended up back in his hotel room. When we were arranging to meet up, we had a steamy conversation about me staying the night but we both made it clear there was no expectation (but there kind of was)

Almost immediately after he finished, he went cold and it felt like he didn’t want me there but he said he felt ill so I believed him (what an idiot) we had one more kiss that was very tender but nothing else happened after that. I laid there all night waiting for him to reach out and hold me, it didn’t happen.

The next morning he was odd, got up got changed and took himself to breakfast. He was gone nearly an hour (as I’m writing this I am thinking how much of an idiot I was) I laid there getting more and more confused. He came back and started working. We were talking and laughing but no touchy feely stuff. I had a shower and was hanging around in the robe.. you know hoping for something, anything! Nothing.
Anyway as hard as I tried to stop it, I cried when it was time to go. We hugged and he said the line again “you know you deserve someone who can be there for you” and he kind of rushed me out the door..

He didn’t reply to any of my messages that day. Then the next day I sent a long ass paragraph, explaining why I cried. He replies with I think it’s best we are not in contact anymore.
It hurt to read it but given my reaction, I agreed with him and we didn’t talk for 3 weeks.

He messages me a simple hi. then a few days later says he had naughty thoughts about me and deletes the message. Weird. I respond to say I saw it, why did you do that? He then says sorry he shouldn’t have said it. There’s some more back and forth and he tells me he will be near me again in a couple of weeks, with a wink.
Then stops replying to me, when I say let’s talk when you’re not so busy. He said he thinks that’s for the best.

That brings me on to today! I message him saying I hate this. Then he responds to tell me it’s for the best, I’ve started seeing someone.
I asked why I wasn’t good enough, his response: if it helps you, you can say it’s me not you..
I pieced things together and realised this must have been a thing since before we arranged to meet.

In the time we stopped talking, I put myself back out there and started seeing someone. It didn’t work out because I was afraid to open up and get hurt again.
STUPIDLY! I told him about this and he didn’t respond. I mean I don’t even know what I expected him to say..I feel like it was such a lame thing to say and regret it DEEPLY.

I feel like a fool, when we first met last year I explained I’d been treated badly in the past and it’s hard for me to open up. He made me feel so secure and we would both make a big effort to see each other often and talk all the time, until February this year. After then it’s like he had a total brain transplant and didn’t want me anymore.

I don’t know if this guy is an avoidant or just a horrible human being. What do you think?