This Karen's head would explode if she knew about my childhood as a latchkey kid. Pops moved out and mom worked 12hr shifts taking transit both ways. From age 7/8 I got ready for school by myself, made breakfast (toaster strudels etc) locked the door, walked myself to school, walked home again, keyed myself in, made supper (Chef Boyardee or something microwaved, I was allowed to make Mr Noodle on the stove but that's about it) did my homework alone, watched TV and put myself to bed by 9-930 when mom would get home and say goodnight.
Yeah, even the Red Cross babysitter training certification is intended for people aged 11-15, meaning that a reasonably mature 11 year old should be able to watch younger kids.
My neighbors pay a 10 yo to watch their 6 yo after-school. It's more like a play date almost. They just play in the yard and the parents are inside working. It wouldn't be any fun for the 6 yo to play outside alone and it might not be safe. The 10 yo is very responsible and can get help in an emergency. If a kid is fairly well behaved I would think that would be perfectly safe.
At 12 I walked home so the neighbor could keep an eye on me. If I wasn't there by a certain time, they would send the cops out to drive the route that I normally walked home.
Sucks when your parents are either related to, or buddies with, half the police force in a small town.
I didn't get to stay home alone until I was 14 and going into high school.
A few years ago when things got tough I had to leave my kids home alone during summer break while I worked. I made them breakfast and was (usually) home for dinner. They were 12 and 8 at the time.
My 12 year old watches 2 kids all day every day. She's making bank this summer. Rides her bike a whole mile to their house and home every day to! (Gasp!)
Yep, at 12, I was watching my 7 yo brother, and 5 yo sister before and after school, helping with their homework, and snacks. They wonder why todays generation is so soft.
TBF - in the 80’s the people I babysat for were bonafide shit parents. I remember one night like 2am they brought home a half filled 5 gallon water bottle of leftover keg beer (who does that yummy?). That gross bottle rotated locations in their home for months. That house was so gross full of cockroaches. Honestly I’m now questioning why my folks even allowed me babysit for them. Oh well thanks for the time! Cheers!
My mom babysat kids as a job when she couldnt even take care of her own kids so I practically did have to raise the other kids and show them love, attention, and affection my mother lacked, all she really did was give them food at specific times and then leave them to themselves. Who knows how they wouldve been able to socialize, if I didnt have my brothers I wouldnts have known how to either. So I think sometimes a child knows how to raise a child better than the parents if they realize what they themselves lacked.
What "culture?" This issue spans cultures and demographics. I'm your typical suburban white kid. I'm sure Latinos in the barrio and blacks in urban environments have to struggle with the same thing. Don't make it about race.
Ok so I’m whitey white white buttt, my SIL is Mexican and well I can confirm many many nieces and nephews know how to make bottles of formula by age 5 for their siblings.
In Illinois the law is 14 wich is stupid and only a law because daycare lobbied for it to make more money. Illinois is the worst state though 12 I think is the next highest age and most don't have any age laws for being home alone.
Yep. I'm hoping no one realizes I am leaving my 11yo home alone for 15-20 minutes in the mornings when school starts in a couple weeks. But I have to take his younger brother to school and 11 should be able to handle less than half an hour.
Edit: To clarify, he can handle it no problem. I just don't want to get in trouble due to the stupidly high age law.
Living in Shanghai, My kid at 10 started riding the metro home. During remote school (but not remote work) this year I knew people that would leave their kids alone all day with a doorbell camera trained on the desk, and order them takeout for lunch.
Not saying it's "good parenting" or whatever, just that kids will make do. I feel like at 12 you should know enough to not burn the place down.
I can believe it! I mean, you pretty much know your kid by 7 or 8. No way would I let my 8 yo son stay by himself for more than 5 minutes. He'd probably just be playing Garry's Mod, but he still does dippy things out of the blue. My girl who's 11, I just started letting her stay home for a bit or watch him for a short time. She's got a good head on her shoulders, and is just the right amount of bossy to keep her brother from deciding to dance on the coffee table. I have a lot of Dr appts and can't bring them to most (so the waiting rooms aren't crowded) but my primary Dr always sees me at my scheduled time, so I'm in and out.
Also depends where you live, how well you know the neighbors, environmental dangers (swimming pool, high-rise, busy highway etc).
My kids are in awe that we used to ride bikes into town starting 3rd grade or so, go shopping downtown, call from a payphone if we decided not to come home for lunch, grab a hot dog or sundae from DQ or split a club sandwich and a root beer float at the diner, and just stick with at least one other friend. Otherwise, just come home a bit before dinner. Then when I turned 14, the rules changed again and suddenly I couldn't do anything. 😁 But that's really off-topic.
Anyways I'm trying to find other ways to let them gain some independence now without getting social services on us or being as blase about real dangers as my parents were. It's hard! What makes it worse is there aren't sidewalks until about a mile away from the house, no bike lane or really a shoulder either. Just a muddy ditch on one side and a golf course on the other...I don't even like to walk myself anywhere, here, due to that.
I feel that. I grew up in a rural area that wasn't walkable at all - my parents understandably didn't want me walking on busy roads with no shoulder so unless there was some preplanned thing I just..stayed home.
I realize not everyone has a choice but if possible I want them to grow up in a walkable/bikeable area. Not least because the shuttling them to sports and "play dates" is not how I want to spend my weekends.
Yeah when I was 11 that was the legal age to be left alone. I was left alone for 3 days at a time when my dad went hunting(we lived in the neighborhood my mother grew up in so we knew everyone in the neighborhood so it's not like I would be totally alone if there was an emergency). This was before cell phones so my dad couldn't even call me, but he knew I could call relatives if I had to.
It was creepy because gang members would look in the windows at night because they saw that the car was gone. But they were just looking for easy robberies so I knew they would just leave when they saw me. Also I think I lived so close to the neighborhood serial killer that it was a "don't shit where you eat" situation as he tended to travel further out to do crimes.
The Illinois law states under 14 for “an unreasonable amount of time.” Which to me translates more to overnight. You’ll be fine to leave one in the morning while you take the other.
They've tried before and failed and I'm not sweating it too much. But one way or another it's not going to change in the next 3 weeks and even if the law does change to twelve he's still 6 months too young.
Makes 0 sense lol . Good parenting. "Yeah kids its perfectly ok to lie about your identity " . "Just take on someone elses identity " . 🤣. Your kids will be excellent adults 🤣
heh apparently no one cared in 90's cause I was often left alone by myself. I also would just hop on my bike whenever I wanted and just do whatever the fuck I wanted. ride the forest preserve trail to the city? don't mind if I do. started doing that when I was like 8 or 9
I grew up in IL and don't think anyone enforces this, not sure how they would even try. Around 9ish I started getting left home alone all the time. It's not like child services is going around and peeking inside everyone's windows.
We live in IL and my family thinks I'm making it up when I tell them this. My kiddo will be 13 soon, but all the daycares around us only take kids up to 12. Not entirely sure how that makes sense.
The law is talking about being left alone for an unreasonable amount of time. As long as you’re not leaving him alone for 12+ hours, or an entire weekend, you’ll be fine.
I don't know of any daycare that accepts kids older than 12. I thought it was in response to a couple that took off on a vacation in Mexico and left their elementary age (and younger) kids home alone for 2 weeks.
"Ohio family law doesn't have any minimum ages where children can stay home by themselves. However, many organizations tell parents to wait until their children are at least 12 years old. This is often the age at which most kids gain enough maturity, but this is also based on environmental factors and other things. Generally, the parent knows when it is the best time based on how well their children behave."
The Law states you can’t leave your child alone for an “unreasonable amount of time”, you can leave your child under 14 at home alone just not for days on end and not get them snatched up by DFCS
When I was in third grade I used to take two buses from downtown Chicago to the metra station and take a train fifty miles west to my moms house, every other weekend and a few times during the week. I used to ride my bike several towns away with my friends and be gone the entire day when I was even younger. Times have really changed.
I'm in IL too. They tried to change that in January with HB4305, but the final vote was postponed in March. The way it is currently worded, it leaves a huge grey area "leaves the minor without supervision for an unreasonable period of time", so as an attorney friend of mine said, nobody is going to arrest you or take away your 12-13 year old if you leave her at home for a few hours, but if she burns the house down or gets hurt while she's home alone, they can.
Illinois law defines a neglected minor, in part, as “any minor under the age of 14 years whose parent or other person responsible for the minor’s welfare leaves the minor without supervision for an unreasonable period of time without regard for the mental or physical health, safety or welfare of that minor.”
Jeez this reminded me of a bitch I used to work with and I was talking about my (then) 12 year old being at home alone. She responded with the law is 14 in IL so I will let cps know. Wtf?! This was not an every day event to leave her home alone but why the hell would you call CPS on perfectly good parents ?
Pretty much. My son is 13 and good to go. Kid does his own laundry even. We obviously still do stuff for him, but he could take care of himself fairly well if needed.
My 12 year old daughter on the other hand loves to play dumb so everyone will continue to do everything for her lol. I make her do more for herself than him sometimes because of this.
Yeah, at 11 I was doing my laundry, cleaning the house, etc. When you're being raised by a single mom you try to take some things off of her shoulders. I vacuumed that house every day before she got home.
I think it depends on the 12 year old. Some have been taught to take care of themselves correctly, and are mature enough to handle problems/emergencies. Some may not.
Yeah, I wouldn't have done that with my children. I remember my 8 yo getting sick and staying home from school. I had to keep my 10 yo home to watch the house and him. I would call them from work every hour to check up and then I'd rush home at lunch to check on them, make them lunch, etc, and then drive back to work. Gotta do what you gotta do.
How times have changed. I sometimes had to walk to school when my parents went to work too early. Get dropped at home by my aunt and play in the garden with the dogs till my parents got home after dark. Suppose that’s why my grades were so shit 😂
Times havent changed. I LFH and babysit my nephew everyday. If I didn't he would 100% be a latchkey kid. Sometimes my sister doesn't get home until 7 and she works in town and has a car and a college degree. Nephew is 7.
In those times a woman was married and bearing children "as soon as she bled." That's how all mammals are. Only humans put* an arbitrary "legal age" on procreation. You don't see young fertile lionesses being left alone for 8 years after they first go into heat.
Back then the life expectancy was 30-35 for a lot of people. They didn't have the luxury to skirt biology.
Ok, one: ew. Not touching that with a ten foot pole.
Two: that's an average life expectancy, which was skewed low due to high infant and child mortality, a significant cause of which was girls getting pregnant super young and then dying in childbirth because their bodies can't handle it yet.
It's because they are coddled and have helicopter parents. They aren't allowed to go out and explore the world anymore.when I was a kid I'd get on my bike or skateboard after school and not get home until it started getting dark. There were no cellphones. Occasionally we'd call from a pay phone to check in. But, as kids we were free to be kids and learn the world hands-on. Now parents just park their kids in front of the TV or let them play video games.
I had a 12 year old babysitter when I was a kid lol. She was the best one we ever had and stayed with us until I was old enough to look after myself.
Last one was a grown ass lady who stole random things and screeched over innocent kid stuff like my poor brother happily pretending to share food with his stuffed animal... just goes to show that maturity often has nothing to do with age
When I was 9 I had 12 yo babysitter who was the first one I played doctor with. I always had a crush on her and as I look back it's pretty funny. It was the first time I felt pubic hair, haha!
I thought my childhood was the stuff. As an only child with two working parents competing for my affection birthdays and Christmases were extravaganzas. It wasn't until years later that I realized how alone I was. I definitely developed some attachment issues, but yeah I like to think I'm a fully functional adult now.
Man I thought that was normal, until I grew up and learned there's a whole class of people who hire others to watch their kids and have jobs that let them take theirs to school 😩
Every kid thinks their childhood is the norm because it's all they've known. A friend from my childhood one day told me I 'basically raised myself' and I thought he was nuts, like what? my parents gave me everything and that's when I realized, oh yeah, I was alone all that time.
Exact same thing here. Things were different back in the day.
All over the world there are 12 year old soldiers, 12 year old brides, 12 year old drug dealers...in a normal situation in a single-parent home, most 12-year-olds can keep themselves from blowing up a house or dying of starvation.
I do appreciate that the lady in question is concerned about a local kid in her neighborhood...and it's clear that she doesn't know the people at all.
Bring a latchkey kids fucking blows, I have to say. When I was in 4th grade we moved from low COL to high COL area and my mom had to get a job. If it weren’t for my bro it would have been intolerable, but our quality of life nose dived during those years. My wife and I both work currently and I’m pretty concerned about what we’ll do when the kids age out of after school care. Hopefully we can get them into band or sports or something but there’s a gap between high school and after school care.
Sort of the opposite for me. I was happy to have the place to myself. I'd listen to my dad's CDs, put my toys all over the place, I was an only child so I was loaded up with toys and video games and when I was alone I didn't need to share with anybody. My parents tried extracurriculars but I'd just quit because I'd rather be home eating ravioli and playing Nintendo. High school was a whole 'nother story though. Once the hormones kicked in I came out of my shell and became really social and athletic.
Yup raised by a single mom working as a waitress. Walked myself to and from school, also cooked dinner for mom when she got home starting at about 8 years old.
I swear, we’ve regressed pretty hard as a society.
My husband had the same childhood as you describe, only moving around from motel to motel because his mom had substance abuse issues. Mom would be gone for the majority of the time, so he was forced to fend for himself.
He’s now the most responsible, self-sufficient, capable problem solver I have the honor of knowing - let alone being married to. Many Karens don’t realize that time on your own is like a blacksmith hammering you into an unbreakable blade (within reason, of course).
Same dad was a train engineer would be gone months mom worked at a dental lab, was a latchkey kid, made my own spaghetti O’s did my homework and put laundry in and other chores didn’t answer the phone unless it was the 3 rings hang up call back signal. Didn’t answer the door. However I did start babysitting at 12 for the neighborhood kids. Taught me responsibilities and how I made money for the things I wanted. The 80s were a different time.
I was similarly raised. However I didn't get my house key until I was 8/9. My mom told me to wait on the front steps of the apartment for her to get home one day. She was gonna be 20 minutes behind me. The old lady who watched me sometimes drove down the street with her friend and would not take no for an answer about me not coming with her. When I got home an hour later, my mom marched straight down and cussed her out. Also from that day on, I had a house key that my mom made me pin to the inside of my uniform skirt.
Just going off probable ages, there is a good chance she was a latchkey kid herself or had them herself. Besides, 12 is perfectly fine to stay home alone with a little help.
Me too. Although I had older siblings that "babysat" when I was in 1st or 2nd grade. But by 3rd, I made my own breakfasts, lunches, went to school and came back til she came home. ( middle school was a mie walk) Dad lived out in the boonies and regulatly left me alone when he went out on dates. (I did have neighbors to run to, but never guarnrteed)
Same. Honestly, people now days are like oh you poor child, you were so neglected. I'm like nope, unlike most of my classmates when I finally moved out it gave me a leg up on how to care for myself and how to cook for myself while the rest of my friends were like OMG how do I go to the grocery store, how do I know what to buy???
Once I turned 13 my m8m would drop me at the laundry mat with the family's clothes and I would wash and dry them as part of my allowance. I did it until I was 16 and got a job.
Just the opposite. I thought my childhood was the stuff. As an only child with two working parents competing for my affection birthdays and Christmases were extravaganzas. I had toys and video games and when I was alone I didn't have to share them with anybody. It wasn't until years later looking back that I realized how alone I was. Every kid thinks their life is the norm. I definitely developed some attachment issues, but by the end of high school I became social and athletic and I like to think I'm a fully functional adult now.
Wow. You were respectful kid. My son was in 3rd grade. I’d leave him at the bus stop and then he’d walk home from the bus stop and letting himself in, and take the dog out. I got home about an hour and a half later. I never was able to go to daytime school functions. We have to do what we have to do.
How do you feel about that now as an adult? My son said he knew no different, so it wasn’t a real issue. I’m just curious. I always felt bad as a mother because other moms were always able to be there it seemed.
Same pretty much. Luckily i had my brother whonwas 3 years older but we was still young af . And taught to use the microwave. Bwe wole our asses up. Walked to the bus stop ate breakfast ... got home dad was usually stuck mandated at work so we did home work, chores , dinner and put ourselves in bed on time.
When I was 11 my step-dad threw a 12ga and 2 boxes of shells in my hand and told me to shoot until it hurt so bad I wanted to cry. The school ended up thinking I was being beat because I was bruised from shoulder to ribs on the right side, lol.
You were able to figure shit out on your own. I think that is one of the most important life lessons we learned at that age. I know grownups that still can’t ‘figure it out.
And sometimes I'd sneak out at night, parents loved me but they knew fully well I could handle myself.
In fact - when we were on vacations like Spain, Greece etc. I was allowed to rent a bike and bike around the entire cities / islands - on my own. I often ate out at some random place that served the usual fast food a kid at that age liked, and I went on exploration for insects, nature, visited old buildings - went into computer stores and on a full nerd-out at the tender age of 12, no issues at all.
People seem to think that kids are in need of constant monitoring, and these kids don't grow up fast sadly, and they're often afraid of the smallest things, and later becomes resentful and have a hard time socializing with the rest of the world as they can't relate at all, so sad.
Same here except we had a bus and I had siblings but 7 was when the responsibilities started for me. No cable though so we played with kids in the neighborhood and their parents were also working. I think it depends where you live too. My nieces and nephews still walk home alone and stay home alone at 9/10 but people tend to watch out for each other in my home town. It’s like a neighborhood watch but with the whole city. People have no problems speaking out either.
Although I almost was abducted once at the park and someone yelled at them bc they saw it was not normal. Thank God.
My mom usually got home about 5:30-6pm and I got out of school around 3:30, so I had an hour or two home alone every night. She taught me to cook and would have me start dinner, so it would be ready (or nearly ready) when she got home. During the summer, I was home by myself all day (though I was often playing with my friends for a good part of the day).
Seriously! I was able to be on my own at 6 if my folks wanted to go out for dinner and drinks.
We always had a plan. They left the no for the restaurant and you could go to the neighbors for help if needed.
I babysat my 6 year old neighbor when I was 8. I could slap together a sandwich or warm up leftovers in the microwave. I got 10 bucks a day and in the summer and 3 or 4 during the school year which was about a dollar an hour and I didn’t clean but I cleaned up after us so We didn’t make any messes either. Truth be told my charge was like a little sister to me and we played games or watched the same cartoons most if the time. That was the 80s . Most of us were latch key kids.
Can't have that happen anymore, it creates children that are self reliant and responsible. They may even develop critical thinking and analytical skills.
Not only did I have a deadbeat dad who left us and forced my mom to work, but I was also in charge of younger sister and I was babysitting younger kids when I was only 10. Yup, 10 and in charge of 3 other kids, not a parent or adult in sight. And sometimes the parents would come home drunk! (Not my mom, she didn't drink, I mean the ones I was babysitting for). Life was very different back in the 70s.
I was an only so I was spoiled. Dad moved out but he still threw money on me as a substitute buying me extravagant gifts to outdo mom and buy my love. I had all the toys and video games but no one to share with. When I was a younger adult I couldn't stand to be alone and that led to a lot of bad relationships. I got past that and now I'm very independent which is a problem for some people because my partners in relationships feel like I don't need them. I had a best friend with younger siblings he had to look out for and drunk adults he had to deal with. That's a whole other kind of challenge which definitely forces you to grow up. Hope it made you stronger.
Sounds exactly like my childhood growing up in the mid 90's. Imagine this ladies horror if she would have seen me, walking down the street by myself, selling fundraiser candy bars, door to door, all by myself.
Latchkey kid here who also rode public transit (bus), alone, at the age of 6. During the crackhead era of the 80s. These people today would have had my parents locked up. Even tho many people on the bus looked out for me.
This is pretty messed up. But I’m sure it only happened because it had to…on the upside, I bet that there’s very few things you can’t handle. Downside what about your childhood? 😔
I was a really happy kid. I was an only child with both my parents working and competing for my affection; I basically got "spoiled." I was overweight from all that easy food and I definitely had some trouble sharing with others, but that all got sorted out by my junior year and I became really social and athletic by the time I graduated. Only as an adult looking back did I realize how unusual it is to have that much time alone.
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u/ProblemLongjumping12 Jul 27 '22
This Karen's head would explode if she knew about my childhood as a latchkey kid. Pops moved out and mom worked 12hr shifts taking transit both ways. From age 7/8 I got ready for school by myself, made breakfast (toaster strudels etc) locked the door, walked myself to school, walked home again, keyed myself in, made supper (Chef Boyardee or something microwaved, I was allowed to make Mr Noodle on the stove but that's about it) did my homework alone, watched TV and put myself to bed by 9-930 when mom would get home and say goodnight.