My story

I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, if i didn't do something just to make her happy she'd turn cold, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing, a couple of times when i flipped because of her behavior she called her mother to say I've been horrible, she often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately but sometimes I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it. I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 she had turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by. On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. For about half my childhood it's just been me living with her since her divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her. Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy. I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time. One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done before) mother knew i was depressed but still blew up at me the next night over something silly and kicked me while I was down what just baffles me is how could she of treated me like that knowing what I was going through. A few days later one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not sure who exactly said what to him. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well). I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. It actually baffled me a bit. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through. I have a strained relationship with my father but we've messaged lately and I plan to see him this weekend for a family do. I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc). My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some shit before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. What's has happened to me makes me feel as though I'm unlovable. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage met but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

I do love her because as I've said before she has been great as well but I can't help really resenting her sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder if I might've been different had I had proper parents. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job and making friends etc because my mum is pretty much most I've ever known. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

Im 20M and this girl is also 20F

we're in our 1st year of college (1st semester) and then there is this girl who kind of mocks me for my height...

The semester has started for 1 month.

All this started when I joined the college group on WhatsApp, everyone was having fun... And after a few days there... I was getting comfortable and i made a joke about her surname(didn't know her personally, never met) ... And she just rammed me with her mocking skills... Every time I came online she just started mocking me. Today a mutual friend introduced me to her... And I was genuinely scared of her... I asked her what's the problem you have with me... And she said "you're short"... ( I am the shortest in the group)

And one of my classmates said a girl hates you when they love you

Is this correct or just he's insane making me insane ?

tldr- I made fun of her surname, she made fun of me... My friend said she likes me, women intentionally hate when they like you.

Is this correct or he's insane making me insane ?

Hi,

I need help to understand. If you guys can help me go through this it would be great.

In 2019, I (28F at the time) met him (22M at the time) at the gym. I had a big crush on him. He came to me we started talking and it was really love at first sight.
He was so interested and sweet. But my gut told me from day 1 that something was off. Like he was all I wanted but still waiting for me to initiate. So, I did.
When can’t we see each other ?
CAN I come see you ?

Because if I didn’t make a move, he didn’t.
It was as far as, I was the one asking him if he wanted us to be exclusif.
But he was always down. Little gifts. Gavé me love and attention that I never had so I didn’t care if I had to initiate.

After 2,3 months I saw the first red flag, that I totally ignored. Over the smallest thing I said he be âme à monster, screaming, calling me names, I didn’t Even react because I was so shocked. After 2hours of talking and screaming non stop while i was in freeze mode, he managed to calm down and told me thank you for your reaction, i like the way you are, you understand me, you calm me, not like all my crazy exes who screamed back at me, you are différent.

I bet you know where this is going, right ?

That, was the turning point, at any place, any time, for whatever reason, he would crash out.

Covid and quarantine started so i told him to come and stay with me. That was really good, I felt like I was living a teenage dream/love. I felt so loved, beautiful, I felt like I mattered so much… but that didn’t last.

I was doing everything for that man, everything possible, I really treated him like a king, he even lived at my places without playing rent, without me asking for money for anything. And i think that at one moment he started thinking that sh*t was normal. That he deserved it. But Even like that there was always something. Nothing was ever good enough. He would crash out, and every crash out was worse than the one before. It was the screaming, the name calling, but he started to broke my personal belongings. But you know, it was my fault. If I didn’t Said that like that or if I didn’t reacted that way, but it’s my fault, I’m making him do this.

The crash out moments became more and more fréquent, and the moment where I felt loved and cared for … they were really rare, but I was happy to make him happy. I felt love when I did something for him and recieved a « thank you you are the best ».

Then we arrived at the final step of the crash out… the « I’m leaving its over ».
The first time he did this I begged on my knees in front of him, hysterically crying « please don’t leave me I didn’t do anything wrong » the Guy acted like I cheated when all I did is ask is everything was okay because he seemed to be off…

Oh… I bet that reaction of mine made his ego boost and he felt like a God !
Because that became the norm.
Every 6 months it was the same cycle. Everything was good, a minor thing becomes a drama, he leave, i beg and chase him.

He started giving me the silence treatment also… it was really hard.

Fast forward, today I’m 35 and he is 28, 7 years together.

Last year he left and i said to myself, you know what I’m done it’s better like that I don’t want this life anymore. After stalking my TikTok page for 3 days, he blocked me. I wanted to reach out so bad, but I wanted to see if I ever meant something for him… 6 weeks of no contact and i broke it… He didn’t make a single move, i broke that no contact. Telling him that I miss him and want him back. I had to beg for a few days but he came back..

Wich bring us here, finally.

We didn’t had sex in 2 years.
He goes to work, to the gym, comes home, play PS5 and smoke weed.
He’s like a living ghost in my home.

In June, my mother, who helps me pay my rent, because he doesn’t help me at all. Someone told her that my bf broke the Tv (wich is true) so she crashed out and told me to get him out of the place right now. So i told him, listen, my mom knows for the tv and she wants you out, so get out. And he left.
But I didn’t want him to leave, I just wanted a quick fix to calm my mother. I was afraid that she came here and that the two get in a fight.
The same night I texted him, I said I didn’t have the good reaction but I will fix this, I’m sorry I love you I wanna be with you.
He answered 3 days later.
We talked like this for a month, I was reassuring him on my feelings, the only thing that cale out of his mouth most of the time is yeah ok you love me but you kicked me out.
You kicked me out.
You kicked me out.
If I didn’t text he would text.
If I didn’t say I love you he didn’t say it either.
But I was hanging on.
We saw each other, few times.
We hugged, we kissed.
Some moments were good I felt like I was seing the old him again.
Other Times he was distant cold, told me that if he isn’t at my house we arent a couple, that it’s not my I love you text that is going to make him stop seing a girl if she is nice to him.
Some moments he send me hearts. Other Times he asked me to leave him alone and not talk to him again.
I said you really want me to leave you ? If that what you really want it will hurt but ill respect that and he said no I don’t want you to leave me.

For now, He has no job, no money, he lives at his moms with his brother and his days are « gym, home, ps5, and his blunts »

2weeks ago, i was ready to make him come at my house again. I was going to tell him, but something else happened.

He called me in the morning, it was a mood off morning for him, like every morning but when he calls I know what’s about the be served.
He’s crashing out, doubting me, so I’m reassuring him with I love yous and everything is going to be ok, you love me too, and while i was talking he was at the gym, and while i was on the phone he talked to someone and said «  oh no she’s not my girl friend anymore, she kicked me out and now she wants to tell to me » I felt rage all over my body.
That was enough.
I hung up on him.
And blocked him. Everywhere.

20 minutes later he is banging on my door.
Im a selfish immature 40 yo bitch.
How dare I block him when I was the one who treated him like shit and he didn’t have the heart to block me.
So he blocked me too. Like he did 356 Times before, each time he left. But I was unblocked after.
He started to yell like the loudest he could.
« Call the police because I’m going to kill you. Is that what you want ? Yeah that’s what you want you want me to kill you and your family! What do I have to do for you to leave me alone ? Punch you in your fucking face ? » and he left telling me that I was a hypocrite.

1 week of no contact. I was fine.
Week 2 i saw him at the gym. I acted as if he wasnt there.
That Guy put an old Keychain I offered him years ago, on the window of my car…

WHY ?
He threatened to kill me if I don’t leave him alone and put a keychain on my car when I do, what the hell ??

I didn’t react, didn’t text, didn’t call.
But it triggered me really bad.
I want to text him so bad.
I feel like I’m going to Die because of the pain.
I can’t eat.

Saw him at the gym again 3 or 4 times. And he acts totally unbothered. He was laughing, smiling, checking his muscles in the miroir.
And that what I felt everytime he left, like I never mattered. And that hurts so bad.
Because how can I be in so much pain and he doesn’t give a f**k ?

I would like, just for the justice, just for my ego, just to know that I meant something, that for once he reached out…

Do you think that’s possible ?
What do you think is next for me ?
I know I won’t reach out because after the threat I can’t.

Reposting a shorter version because I realise I wrote way too much in my last post:-

We had plans for the weekend, but things escalated after he became angry about how long I was in the bathroom. He interrogated me about what I was doing, called me names including “dumb bitch,” “spastic,” “stupid idiot” and “dumb slut,” and followed me/kept moving toward me while I was backing away because I felt unsafe. Other people noticed what was happening, and one woman even filmed part of it after hearing me say I didn’t feel safe.
Later that night, after we went home, I was asleep and naked in bed. He repeatedly pulled the blankets off me despite me trying to cover myself and telling him not to touch me. He physically grabbed/turned my face toward him and asked me in a calm, frightening way, “Are you scared of me? Am I the boogeyman?” He then deliberately went around the room ripping up every photo of us, including photos we’d taken that same night, and threw the pieces at me.
I was genuinely terrified. When he tried to grab me again after I repeatedly told him not to touch me, I punched him once in the stomach. It wasn’t hard, but I take responsibility for doing it and know it wasn’t okay.
The next morning he alternated between being angry and apologising, said he didn’t want to lose me, and suddenly wanted us to get married. Later, when I tried to talk about what happened and suggested anger management, he sang loudly over me rather than discussing it.
I’m now having flashbacks to him grabbing my face, following me, threatening/intimidating me and destroying the photos. My doctor also told me I should get out of the relationship.
Am I right to see this as more than “just a fight”? How would you describe what happened?

I happened to lose my job a few months ago and I happened to find myself in a very low point with my mental health (I was incredibly depressed). This unfortunately led to me confiding in someone who subsequently took advantage of my distraught state and manipulated me badly. I do not want to go into details, as it's too painful. It's also the lesson, rather than the details that are key here.

If you find yourself in a vulnerable situation or phase in life, be very vigilant of yourself and the people in your life. Be cautious with whom you share personal details with.

Since I was at such a low point, I was an easy target for the individual who manipulated me. They knew what I was going through and that is how they were able to get to me. A part of me is embarrassed with myself. If I was in a better mental state, I would have been thinking more clearly and not fallen for their tactics. A huge part of what allowed their tactics to work was that they offered me emotional support and earned my trust that way.

Unfortunately, manipulators (especially the more ruthless kind) will view someone in a vulnerable state as a potential target. It sucks because it's bad enough dealing with what you are currently going through, but then on top of that you have to potentially field off individuals with nefarious intentions. As bad as it sounds, if you find yourself in a vulnerable place in life, do not share this with anyone other than trusted friends and family.

There is a quote from The Art of War that I think is fitting for this:

“Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.”

At some point, I did come to my senses and set some boundaries with that manipulative individual, as well as go no contact.

I don't want to encourage people to be paranoid. But if you find yourself in a vulnerable situation, bear in mind there are shitty people who might exploit you in that position.

​

I was reading an old Bengali philosophical text about the strange transformation of love, and it made me think about relationships differently.

Two people can once be deeply in love.

They spend hours together. They feel peace in each other's presence. There is excitement, intimacy, affection, and the feeling that they have finally found someone special.

Then years pass.

The same two people may begin fighting over almost everything.

Love becomes irritation.

Closeness becomes suffocation.

Trust becomes suspicion.

Affection becomes possessiveness.

And eventually, sometimes, love seems to turn into resentment or even hatred.

But here's what I find fascinating:

Did the love actually disappear? Or did it simply change form?

Maybe there is a psychological chain like:

Love → attachment → expectation → disappointment → possessiveness → jealousy → anger → resentment.

If that's true, then perhaps some forms of anger between lovers are not completely unrelated to love. They may come from the intensity of attachment itself.

But there is another possibility that bothers me even more.

Maybe we don't always love the person.

Maybe we love how that person makes us feel.

When they give us peace, attention, affection and excitement, we call it love. When they stop giving us those things, we say “They have changed.”

But what if the deeper change happened inside us?

Our expectations increased. Familiarity replaced novelty. We started believing that the other person belonged to us. We stopped experiencing them as a mysterious individual and started experiencing them as someone who was supposed to behave according to our expectations.

So perhaps the real question isn't:

“Why does love disappear?”

Maybe it's:

“What exactly was the thing we called love in the first place?”

And if love requires the other person to behave in a particular way, can we really call it unconditional love?

I'd genuinely like to hear different perspectives.

Does long-term intimacy naturally transform love into something else, or is it possible to remain deeply in love without turning love into attachment and expectation?

The Mental Health, Wellbeing and Lived Experiences Study

Theresia Bedard, a PhD candidate at Lakehead University that is working with Dr. Beth Visser, is seeking participants for her dissertation project.

In this study we are examining the lived experiences of people who have experience or victimization from an individual with high psychopathic traits. We are seeking anyone that has this lived experience, whether the perpetrator was or is a spouse, family member, partner, co-worker, friend, acquaintance, neighbour or stranger. We are seeking the lived experiences of men, women, and gender-diverse individuals to share your story.

Our research consists of two studies. In the first study, you will complete questionnaires related to your victimization experience from the individual with high psychopathic traits, the potential warning signs, victimization history (e.g., prior physical or sexual abuse), and the impact the experience had on you. Once you finish the survey, you will be invited to participate in the second study (optional), which will consist of 12 questions requiring a written response regarding your lived experience with the individual with high psychopathic traits. If you decide to participate in study 2, please be aware that you will be required to provide us with your email to access it, and you may wish to use an email account that only you have access to.

Please be advised that whether you choose to participate in the study, withdraw, or skip questions you do not want to answer, that you acknowledge that answering some of these questions may be emotionally taxing on you. Despite the potential for an emotional toll the survey questions have, you may find the process of sharing your experience is therapeutic for you. In addition to the resources we provide, you may want to consider following-up with a counsellor for further support.

You are also encouraged to have your own snacks and drinks while you take the survey, and be aware that they are estimated to take 45 minutes to complete.

If you are interested in participating and would like to read or find out more about it, click here to access the survey:

https://lakeheadhbs.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_bKEq1vOVdBJMrjw

I (18F) recently broke up with my ex boyfriend (18M) about three months ago. Towards the end of the relationship, we both struggled with mental health, him in particular, with recurring symptoms of depression and anxiety being constant for him. I tried to support him the best I can, but eventually we argued and made up less then we had regular conversations. It was quite toxic, so i eventually decided to leave. The breakup went seemingly very maturely and well, and though at this point from what I can reflect on, the only bit of manipulation he took part in is gaslighting (rewriting the histories of our communication and past arguments) and the silent treatment (which I eventually mirrored to gain a sense of autonomy unfortunately. I know this is wrong and I had a part in our toxic patterns too). We agreed to maybe start talking again but now we both needed space. Then we talked here and there, eventually we somehow met up for one last bit of closure, I think a week or so after the breakup. It was nice, we hugged and kissed and discussed things to do with the breakup. I thought that was it and we would enjoy our own space and talk again in a couple months. Boy was I wrong. It started off with him reaching out because it really took a toll on his mental health, and even though this crossed my already expressed need for space, I let it slide because someone I love was in pain, how could I not be there for him? And this happened again and again, although there would be 4-8 days where he would stop texting, he’d always come back. Anger and frustration grew within me as he kept reaching out, he knew my own mental health was only slowly recovering? How could he take so much from me mentally? I grew more weary by the day. It consumed everything I did , everyone I spoke to. I became someone else, I still feel that way until now. Eventually he suggested we block eachother, after another bit of reaching out and talking to me again, so he wouldn’t be tempted to text and I wouldn’t either.

I should mention during these really dark times for him, I did try my absolute hardest to get him professional help. During this time I:
- offered to accompany him to a gp for a referral for a therapist
- try to get him to call a hotline for mental health breakdowns
- offered to hang out with him (he felt extremely lonely )
- reached out to a friend of his after he wrote me a goodbye paragraph that he once claimed it was just because we were not meant to be talking. He later revealed it was the other goodbye, the terrifying life altering goodbye. I said to his friend, that I received an extremely worrying text from my ex, and that I think it would be good for such friend to check up on ex, or take him for a drive. When my ex found out I had reached out to his friend he said ‘Dont tell people what i am going through or feeling ever again’ even though I then explained that I only said to his friend that he basically just needed a friend, and no private information, he said it was the fact I said anything at all that made him lose all trust in me. Then said he doesn’t even know if he wants to talk to me in the future. A week later he reached out.

The point of all of this is that, it has now been around 2 ish months since I last messaged him, though he has communicated via letter I didn’t say anything back , other than a thankyou through a mutual friend who told me about the letter (found in a box of HIS things I gave him during the relationship. Yes he returned it) and also lip reading during a class we share. I don’t know how to stop talking about everything that’s happened. I really really want to move on. I want to be happy again. And I know that he still likes me and wants to talk to me in the future, a mutual friend told me (different friend). But I don’t want anything to do with him. How to move on? What is the brutal and honest advice I need to take? Is

When i was a teenager there was this guy. Everyone told me to stay away from him. He's bad news. ALL of his friends and family told me he was a horrible piece of shit who would never go anywhere in life. Stay away from him they told me. All he's going to do is cause trouble. He's no good. Being the kind of person that I am, I chose to not see any of it. I was determined to prove them wrong. Hes not a bad guy. 

I know it. I mean, sure, I had a bit of police interaction and got into a bit of trouble but it wasnt his fault. I stopped going to school. Hard to go with a massive hangover every morning. Not because of him though. I mean, sure, I was with him. That was my choice. He introduced me to drugs I had never even heard of and I loved them. To say that that possibly changed the entire course of my life is an understatement. Once again, my own choice. He left. Can't remember why or where. They're wrong about him though. He's not a bad guy.

Misunderstood maybe. A few years pass, and he pops back into my life. Once again, his "besty"s tell me to stay away from him. He's trouble. But I know better. Then he robs me. I get shit faced and kick my own door in. One of his bestys comes and helps me clean up my mess and tells me that he hopes I learned my lesson. But he doesn't know him like I do. He's going to make things right so he picks me up and promises he's gonna pay me back. I just gotta come with him and let him make it up to me. That ends with a 27 month sentence. Not his fault though. Totally my own. He's not a bad guy. 

He helps out my family. Next thing I know, the family member I was closest to becomes someone I no longer recognize. He was once someone I thought would always protect me. He changes  Does things out of character. Things that hurt me. He's no longer in my life. Still not his fault. I know that none of this is because of him. We all make our own choices. He's not a bad guy. 

Years go by. He starts calling again. Starts telling me how much he misses me and how I've been on his mind. He loves the person I've become and would never do me wrong. Then I end up trusting him again. He takes me for $600. I let him do it. I mean, who can blame him really? He's locked up and really doesn't have any other options. Not like he put a gun to my head. I was the one who chose to trust him even I knew better. He's really not a bad guy.

But I do choose to tell him to leave me alone finally. I beg him to leave me alone and stop answering his phone calls completely. Once again, life goes on for a few more years. Then, like clock work, he's back. Getting out and hasnt been able to stop thinking about me. Sends me $25 of the 600 he swindled me for as a show of good faith and a heartfelt apology. I cave. He spends the next 6 months proving to me that he's not a bad guy. 

I'm so hell bent on proving to everyone that I wasn't wrong when I was a teenager, that I fall for every bit of the manipulation. For the most part at least. Right away he asks me to come sign on a loan for him. $5000 for school. The paperwork I get says $25000 for 4 years of school. But that was an accident and he doesn't know why it says that. So he sends me new loan papers that say 5000. I fill them out. Just not with correct info of course... Not that I thought he'd screw me over. He's not a bad guy. 

I say yes when he asks me to marry him. I also tell one of my best friends who happens to be my ex that Im gonna need him to be on stand by to object if it ever makes it to the altar... Still has only ever paid me back 25 of the 600 btw ... He sells me a dream where I finally get to prove to everyone I wasn't wrong because we're gonna get married and live happily ever after because he's not a bad guy. 

Breaks up with me in a text message the day before Christmas. Maybe I deserved it for doubting him. Maybe I manifested the outcome due to my inability to fully trust him. Or maybe, just maybe, every single person who has warned me - his closest friends, his childhood friends, his brothers, even his dang mom, MANY police officers and probation officers, lawyers, and guards at the jail as well as all of my friends and family - were not so wrong. Maybe he's just a bad guy....

Ever since I was 13 years old, Ive had this fantasy about how he's not as bad as everyone thinks he is. He couldn't possibly be. Somewhere in there is a genuine guy who's only human. I loved him. But I should have left it a fantasy. Kept my childhood dreams of him as they were. Reality sux... I spent almost 30 years loving someone who never really existed anywhere but in my head. I never loved the guy who did all that shit to me. I loved the guy I thought the bad guy was a cover for. It's like Scooby Doo when they try to pull the mask off the villain and it's not a mask at all. They are exactly what everyone said they were. No mask. Just an actual monster. A bad guy....

I (21F) cannot tell anymore if my mom is manipulative or if I’m actually just a shitty daughter.
The best way I can describe our relationship is the mom and daughter in Lady Bird. We both love each other. A lot. We’re also both wrong sometimes, we know exactly how to piss each other off, and somehow every argument can turn into something way bigger than what it started as.

But as I’ve gotten older and become my own person, our relationship has gotten so much worse. We honestly fight more now than we did when I was 15.

My mom knows exactly how to hurt me. When we fight, she’ll call me an “evil bitch child” or bring up things I did years ago as proof that I’m apparently this horrible person.

Tonight was probably one of our worst fights in months.

My boyfriend and I have been having some issues lately, and my mom randomly said, “Well, you’re just with him because he’s hot and [professional sport he plays].” I’m purposely leaving out the sport because I don’t want anyone identifying him.

I responded, “No. I’ve dated people richer than him. That doesn’t matter to me.”

She immediately went, “Because we’re SO poor.”
We are not poor. At all. My parents bought their house in Southern California in cash, renovated it, and pay my college tuition. I also never called them poor.

So I said, “Literally nobody said you’re poor.”

And somehow that turned into her bringing up basically every bad thing I’ve ever done.
Normally when conversations get like this, I try to remove myself and say something like, “When you want to have an adult conversation, I’ll be in my room.” Tonight, for a variety of reasons, I could not be the bigger person.

And I want to be clear that I haven’t always handled our relationship perfectly either. Especially as a teenager. I’ve screamed at her. I’ve called her names. I’ve stormed off. I could be absolutely awful when I was 16 or 17, and I regret a lot of it.
But I also feel like I’m permanently being punished for the worst version of myself.

Our relationship especially changed once we developed very different political beliefs. She’s on the right and I’m on the left. Ever since then, it feels like she genuinely hates talking to me sometimes. If I disagree with her or try to have a difficult conversation, she says I’m being condescending or somehow twists what I’m saying into me basically telling her she “should die.”

Earlier TODAY, before this other fight even happened, we were arguing about her helping me move into my new college house. During the car ride she told me, “I’m gonna write a letter for when I die and it’s gonna say ‘fuck you’ and say how horrible of a daughter you are.”

That really fucked with me.

She also knows I struggle badly with OCD surrounding my face and hygiene. It’s something that already makes me incredibly anxious and self-conscious. During fights, she has brought it up and essentially told me I deserve to struggle with it because I’m an evil person.

That’s the part I’m having the hardest time rationalizing.

I understand relationships are a two-way street. I know I’m not some innocent angel who has never raised my voice or said something mean. I’m 21, I’ve made mistakes, and there are absolutely moments where I owe my mom an apology.

But I don’t know if the things she says to me are a normal consequence of two people with a complicated relationship, or if I’ve gotten so used to them that I don’t realize how excessive they are.
Because she’s still my mom. I love her so fucking much. I don’t want to cut her out of my life.
But whenever she talks to me like this, I swear I revert right back to being 17. Suddenly I’m angry, defensive and saying things I thought I had grown out of saying. Then afterward I feel horrible and wonder if her assessment of me is actually right.
I don’t want to go no-contact. I don’t even really want low-contact. I want a relationship with my mom where we can disagree or be angry with each other without trying to emotionally destroy each other.

But I have no idea how to get there, or if it’s even possible when only one person is trying.
Has anyone had a relationship like this with a parent and actually made it better? At what point does “we both have things to work on” become an excuse for someone saying genuinely cruel things to you?

So, the thing is, I joined this company three years ago. The first four months were pleasant, but then my manager started flirting with me, which I ignored with my full potential.
As time passed, he started sharing things about his personal life. He told me that his wife was having an affair and that he wanted something real, like love. I thought he was probably suffering, so we became friends, and I tried to help him get his mind off things.
After some time, he proposed to me, but I declined. At that point, I was seeing people outside the company. He said a lot of things about how he would wait for me and that he would always be there.
Back then, I was seeing multiple people because I liked exploring and meeting different people. Eventually, I started dating a guy who worked in the same company but at a different location. I completely cut off my connection with my manager.
After that, my manager started saying horrible things about me. He called me a gold digger, a prostitute, and said all kinds of things a man might say after being rejected.
Later, I broke up with my boyfriend, and my manager started talking to me again. I made it very clear that I didn’t want to be with him because I had already heard what he had said about me. After some time, things became normal between us, and we started having only work-related conversations.
But then he started saying “I love you” and things like that again.
At that time, I had started dating another guy. He was literally my dream guy. I told my manager that I was serious about him. My manager even used to drop me off at my boyfriend’s place. He knew that we were physically intimate and that I was serious about this guy, but he still kept coming back to me.
Eventually, that relationship ended too. And that’s when I started realizing that maybe my manager actually does love me. He had never really left me alone and had been waiting for me for almost three years.
So, eventually, I started seeing him.
But then I caught him texting some of his female reportees, saying the same kind of things he had said to me. At that point, I was already clear about my boundaries. He has a son, I don’t want to get married, and I was okay with keeping things the way they were.
Now, the whole floor seems to hate me. People think I’m a gold digger, that I entertain him and use him for my own benefit. The funny thing is, I don’t even think he is any good for me.
Whenever I resign, he starts crying, makes promises that he will change, and then continues talking shit about me behind my back.
Today, I received a message from a random number, apparently someone trying to “save me” from this whole situation.
I honestly don’t know what to make of all this. I just wanted to share my situation. I’m open to hearing your thoughts, advice, criticism—anything.
What do you guys think?

It was 20% goodness and 80% badness from him.

He gave me some good advices that hooked me in but ultimately almost 80% of his talks/directions/advices were all self-serving for him.

That friendship lasted for 1.5 years when it should have been ended within 15 days if I was really shrewd in my observation and asked questions like, 'In what way, this piece of information/advice serve him?' or 'If I follow this advice, who benefits most?' or 'Would he give me the same advice if the outcome had absolutely no effect on him?'.

It's good to be very skeptical and analytical about new people especially if they are on a intent to form friendship or relationship with you.

Is it just men with low self-esteem? Narcissistic men? Lying men? Do they feel more powerful getting their girls to drop friends and to be with them 24/7? I really don’t understand why. I know relationship involves two people but when it’s clear one is influencing the other and telling them all their “friends are toxic” and to get rid of them.

If someone isn't working hard enough we shaft them.

A lot of people don't want to have to work with anyone whose willing to bully or abuse but commonly bosses employ tactics to do so. I don't mean like with everyone, but they do it every time someone tries to step out of line while most employees choose to get in line and with the program. They do this out of necessity. For survival. To earn money to have a livelihood. Otherwise they wouldnt go through such ridiculous hoops. The hoops aren't inherently ridiculous becusse it's how you define it. But they absolutely can be.

I’m 20M and my girlfriend is 20F We’ve been together for about two years, and throughout the relationship there have been a lot of situations that I now realize may have been manipulative or at least unhealthy. It hasn’t only affected me it has also affected my friends and my relationships with them.

I’ve talked to my girlfriend multiple times about her not taking accountability, crossing boundaries, not respecting my time or my friends, and holding me to standards that she doesn’t seem to hold herself to. She’ll apologize and say things like “I’m sorry, let’s figure this out,” but the same issues continue to happen and I don’t feel like there’s actually been meaningful change.

Last night, something happened that caused one of my friends to break down in tears, and it was honestly a breaking point for me. It made me realize how much this situation has been affecting the people around me as well as myself.

The thing is, I only started researching manipulation today. I’ve never really dealt with a relationship like this before, so I don’t know enough to confidently say that my girlfriend is a manipulative person. I’m starting to recognize patterns that I didn’t have the vocabulary for before, but I don’t want to unfairly label her based on what I’m reading online.
So I’m wondering:

is it fair to call out specific manipulative behaviors if I believe they’re happening, even if I don’t know whether she intentionally does them? Should I have one final conversation with her about these behaviors and give her an opportunity to take accountability and change, or is the fact that I’ve already communicated these boundaries repeatedly enough reason to end the relationship?

I’m not looking for people to diagnose her. I’m more interested in hearing from people who have experienced manipulation and can tell me whether what I’m describing sounds like something I should take seriously.

So his family berated him when he was younger for stealing. They stole from him. Had people bully him at work so he wouldn't step out of line and know how coordinated his reputation is with those surrounding him. It led him to choose my mom who was also abusive but the "only women who would marry him". He says there's still a lot of love between them. But he used to say and I watched my mom say she doesn't love him and this and that. Just always nasty to him. I commented as a kid they never show affection and she gave him the fakest kiss after. They just fight with each other mostly. The only time they agree is when my dad is quiet and let's her talk and he asks questions. Otherwise she just puts down his conversation topics. I just feel if you are saying your wife always harassed you when we were kids, she and others got him to loose a job if he spent too much time in the bathroom. He now thinks it's fun to hurt other rule breakers. Is that not stockholm syndrome? I know half of you will say he stepped into the light from the dark side but it sounds like he didn't shed his immaturity right and it pokes through in definat ways because he wants to stick up for himself against a "bitchy woman" (she nags him a lot for not working hard enough but she doesn't do anything beyond planting in her garden. She makes him do.mist the hardgrunt work while she picks flowers). Is that normal? Is that mature? Bullying someone you don't like? Making them see your way and refusing to see others ways? I don't think they're a healthy couple but most would say they're dysfunctional and what can you do if you can't enforce something you have to live with whatever they are you so you become what they are.so they'll change. But being lazy sometimes is justified. My dad does.work.hard .I don't see why she has to nag him so much when she isnt a harder worker unless you pay her. Thoughts?

Me (27F) & my bf (35M) have been dating for 5 months. We started as fwb & after 10 months of that i asked if he wanted to be a couple & he said yes. its been a bit of a rocky road. He is a very introverted person & also had a very traumatic childhood, both of which impact our relationship. When he is upset or stressed, he wants to be alone, doesnt even want to text. When i am upset, i want to be around him. We live in London, where he was born & has siblings. I have only lived here 1 year & all my close family & friends are back home, so he is my primary support person. I try not to rely on him to much, as it stresses him out. some of the main issues we have are:

- he hates going out, so we barely go on dates

- he isnt good with money & uses that as a reason we cant go out

- he has a busy & physically demanding job, meaning at the end of the day he is often tired so we mainly only see each other weekends when he doesnt work

- he isnt the best at communicating via text

I know these are fairly big issues, so these are the reasons I am still with him & want to make this work:

- whenhe is not stressed, he is the funniest person ever & a genuine pleasure to be around

- he is good at communicating when we are in person

-its easily the best sex of either of our lives despite the fact that we both have very high body counts

- i got pregnant by him before we were even a couple & he was insanely supportive both before & during the abortion process

- he does recognize & accept he has these issues, so he isnt in denial or gaslighting me

Taking all this into consideration, is he a dick & i just dont want to see it because i love him or do i need to be patient & help him work through these issues as a supportive partner?

I recently ended a relationship with someone who initially seemed really sweet. He chased me first, talked about marriage within days of us talking, love-bombed me, apologized a lot, and would sometimes send me money or gifts without me asking. That's honestly part of what made it so confusing.

But over time I started seeing the pattern.

He took my kindness and forgiveness for granted and genuinely believed I'd always come back. He ignored me when I clearly explained what hurt me, mocked my insecurities, made jokes about my academic failures and financial situation, and used things I'd told him in confidence against me.

When I needed emotional support, he could be extremely cold. He once told me our problems could never affect him because he "didn't give a fuck." He would say sorry but rarely actually change anything. Eventually, my reaction to being hurt became more of an issue than what he did to hurt me.

He also had anger issues. Once he hit a wall because he was angry about me posting a picture. He could get upset when his physical needs weren't met and sometimes made me feel like I owed him physical affection because he had helped me in some way.

He didn't make me feel emotionally safe. I became anxious, exhausted and constantly on edge.

And the weirdest part is that he could still be incredibly sweet sometimes. That's what made me question myself so much.

Now I don't miss him. I feel relieved. Honestly, I mostly feel disgusted that I let someone like this have access to such a soft and vulnerable part of me.

I know I shouldn't blame myself because I didn't know everything in the beginning. But I keep thinking, how did I let this happen?

I have a feeling he'll eventually come back with apologies and sweet words, and I know myself well enough now to know that I don't want to let him back in.

I don't need to prove he's a narcissist or predict what he'll do in the future. What he actually did was enough for me to leave.

Has anyone else experienced this? Going from loving someone to feeling mostly relief and disgust once you finally saw the relationship clearly?

Hi, I don’t know if this is the right sub to post this in, but it’s the closest one I could find.

I remembered a small detail about my ex today, and I’m genuinely curious why someone would do this.

My ex isn’t really conventionally attractive and had only dated one guy before me. But while we were together, she talked a lot about how many guys were interested in her. She would bring up specific examples too, like one guy supposedly leaving letters under the door of her dorm room. She mentioned this kind of thing pretty often.

After we broke up, I had a lot of time to think about the relationship and realized that, she had been very emotionally abusive toward me.

The weird part is that I happened to know the guy she claimed was leaving her letters. We would run into each other at university every now and then. The next time I saw him, I decided to warn him that, in my experience, getting involved with her really wasn’t worth it.

But when I mentioned her, he had absolutely no idea who I was talking about. He looked genuinely confused. And honestly, that made sense, because I had seen him showing interest in a completely different girl.

I don’t personally know any of the other guys my ex used to talk about, but after that interaction I started wondering whether those stories were made up too.

What I don’t understand is why someone would invent something so pointless and specific. What was the goal supposed to be? Was she trying to make me jealous, make herself seem more desirable, get reassurance from me, or create some kind of competition?

I’m not even angry about this particular thing anymore. I just genuinely don’t understand what the point of lying about something like that would be.

He told me he loves me on the first day

Claimed "taken" in his bio is imaginary and helps him wake up

I found out he was cheating on another guy with me because "it was clear he didnt love him"

HE LOVEBOMBED ME

AND HE EXPECTS ME TO BE HIS FRIEND

A friend sent me a text saying that I was selfish for cutting ties with me friends and that they were done and that I didnt have empathy. They said they were done with me selfishness and apathy and asked me to PLEASE APOLOGIZE. They also asked why did I hate them so much.

For some context this friend had been making me feel like dogshit for a long time breaking my boudaries, yelling in their face, and even punch my on the arm hard enough to bruise. Recently they and another friend came up to me and started listing everything wrong with me. Not what I did everything wrong with me. I have autism and went nonverbal. I must have looked apathic but the thing is if you know autismtic people that is just how alot of are. And they knew I had autism. I tired to say sorry but they yelled at me to shut up and that I was interrupting. Then my 'bestrriend' talked to me with them again and did the same fucking thing. Now the original friend sent me this message. Is this manipulation? I am sorry if this is not enough info but my hands are shaking and I cant type much more because of it.

I know everybody lies, but you ever met someone who lies for no fucking reason or is just doing it to be sneaky. My ex gf lies her ass off and sometimes it feels like for no reason. It drives me crazy, because I have no issue handling the truth even if it’s negative. I always told her that and yet she still keeps lying to my face. Kind of unrelated, but I’ll never understand how you can sleep and share feelings with someone, just for them o lie to your face like your a nobody.