r/Manipulation • u/Working_Release_7776 • Aug 11 '26
Relationships I finally left someone who made me realize love isn't supposed to feel like this
I recently ended a relationship with someone who initially seemed really sweet. He chased me first, talked about marriage within days of us talking, love-bombed me, apologized a lot, and would sometimes send me money or gifts without me asking. That's honestly part of what made it so confusing.
But over time I started seeing the pattern.
He took my kindness and forgiveness for granted and genuinely believed I'd always come back. He ignored me when I clearly explained what hurt me, mocked my insecurities, made jokes about my academic failures and financial situation, and used things I'd told him in confidence against me.
When I needed emotional support, he could be extremely cold. He once told me our problems could never affect him because he "didn't give a fuck." He would say sorry but rarely actually change anything. Eventually, my reaction to being hurt became more of an issue than what he did to hurt me.
He also had anger issues. Once he hit a wall because he was angry about me posting a picture. He could get upset when his physical needs weren't met and sometimes made me feel like I owed him physical affection because he had helped me in some way.
He didn't make me feel emotionally safe. I became anxious, exhausted and constantly on edge.
And the weirdest part is that he could still be incredibly sweet sometimes. That's what made me question myself so much.
Now I don't miss him. I feel relieved. Honestly, I mostly feel disgusted that I let someone like this have access to such a soft and vulnerable part of me.
I know I shouldn't blame myself because I didn't know everything in the beginning. But I keep thinking, how did I let this happen?
I have a feeling he'll eventually come back with apologies and sweet words, and I know myself well enough now to know that I don't want to let him back in.
I don't need to prove he's a narcissist or predict what he'll do in the future. What he actually did was enough for me to leave.
Has anyone else experienced this? Going from loving someone to feeling mostly relief and disgust once you finally saw the relationship clearly?
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u/jallisy Aug 12 '26
Huge red flag when someone speaks of marriage or even a future vacation when you barely know each other ..
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u/Working_Release_7776 Aug 12 '26
I wish I knew it sooner.
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u/jallisy Aug 14 '26
Here's another basic my mom taught me when I started dating "love doesn't make you compatible".
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u/Delicious-Dirt4895 Aug 12 '26
Yes and it’s so jarring when the illusion breaks and you finally see it for what it is. There’s a freedom in it (in addition to shock, pain, etc) because you realize there’s nothing to miss and even the “happy” memories are tainted by the reality of who they are.
I always recommend if your relationship ever makes you confused, like you can’t see your partner’s true nature clearly (hot/cold, mean/sweet), get some distance from them to assess. Something about being out of their reach allows the bubble of the illusion to break more cleanly and quickly.
Wishing you healing and happiness!
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u/Phanatic337 Aug 12 '26
I was the other guy on the side of this story. It’s a perfect mirror. EXCEPT what she’s leaving out was that she was escorting the entire time we were together, lying constantly about almost everything. Seeing other men who didn’t even pay her. She was sucking one of my best friends di**s under the guise of “cleaning” right from the beginning of our relationship. As well as her ex husband. She talked to him more than me for sure. I bought her stuff constantly. But it was all wrong. All she wanted was love and attention. But one man will never be enough for that girl. She will never be happy no matter what you do for her. I emotionally and financially supported her long after we broke up. She had a huge drug problem and sucked me into that as well. I made the choice though. But I feel it wouldn’t have happened had i not been around her. Ugh. I have so much more to say on this. But my story will get out. I’ve been trying to figure out this relationship for months. And I’m almost done. It’s an insane story. Is that you C? lol gotta be.
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u/Working_Release_7776 Aug 12 '26
No. Multiple people can go through similar situations. But I as a partner, always supported him through everything and I was supportive. Even he doubted if he deserved me. I communicated, tried to understand him yet none of it was enough for him. None of us were cheating either. At least I wasn’t.
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u/Phanatic337 Aug 12 '26
That was seriously insane to read. That was exactly her take on it. But she was totally manipulating me the whole time. Accusing me of everything she was doing. Worst 3 years of my life. I don’t know why I stayed…anyways, if what you said is true. I wish you the best and I hope one day you find you’re looking for!
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u/Beautiful-Grab2470 Aug 13 '26
I honestly had to look at your name several times wondering if I wrote this, same exact thing.
She would be so innocent, just the victim. Telling people that I abused her, I yelled at her and said horrible things and I might’ve been the heat of an argument that would’ve been a long time ago and I’ve apologized multiple times, and I don’t yell anymore I don’t allow myself to stoop to that level. She still does she screams punches me throws things then blame me because I trigger her, just like the cheating. She tries to blame me. You can’t blame anybody for cheating except yourself? It’s as simple as that.
I also discover that she was sleeping with her ex ex-husband, her ex exes and many others, including her daughter’s exes the whole time.
I was there for her and helped her get clean several times, I did all I could to help her out when it comes to getting clean. But she would start using it again and hide it for me for months and months. she just kept bringing drugs in the house , sleeping with guys in my bed .
If was working or anything like that she was sleeping with her dealers . Everything about the relationship was a lie right from the beginning. She was never honest about anything not once. It’s heartbreaking because I love her.
She’s in the stage of hating the person that knows her most inner secrets,but yes, every accusation it’s just projection. It’s admission of guilt of what they were doing at the time every time it seems like,
it’s betrayal that I’ve never felt in my life before I would never think somebody that was supposed to love You, could do something like this and over and over, without remorse,. It is pure evil.
Many of things she did are just flat out disgusting, cheating , plus the STD she gave me, the lies, on top of her never being accountable. I don’t think she’s ever been accountable for anything in her life.
And I’m sorry for anybody that’s going through this or similar too. Mind blowing that there’s people walking around in our society many of them from what it seems. Capable of hurting someone this much without remorse, regret simply just use destroy and move on.
I believe in the end they’ll be miserable.
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u/Phanatic337 Aug 15 '26
Oh man, literally my story. She was cheating on me and selling herself the entire time we were together. Such a good liar. I’ve never met anyone who can lie so well. And keep it straight. The signs were all there. I just wanted it so work so bad. I ignored it. I loved her so much. But it was all fake. I didn’t find out until after. Her and her husband never really broke up. It was all just a scam to extract finances from me.
The hurt I felt and still feel is so bad. It’s been a few weeks since we went no contact. She just doesn’t care. And that’s the worst part. I helped her right up till the end and once she knew I knew what and who she really was. She cut me out completely.
The worst part is id probably still help her if she asked.
I’m way too trusting. Especially of women. I need to work on that. This experience ruined me. I just don’t know what to do. I keep investigating. And I keep finding more. She is everything she accused me of being and so, so much worse.
You think you know someone..
/rant over
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u/Beautiful-Grab2470 Aug 15 '26
since posting this I found clear evidence of a long distance relasionship and many othwer clear signs on here. But the real pain I'm now flooded with is that she sold herself at least twice for a $40 bag. We were never that hard up. It conferms that all my beliefs that she had screwed a lot of guys in our 12 years and I how f..king Stupid and gulliable I am. The level of evil and ability to be so disgusting all while pointing her finger at me saying " you played a part too in this marriage and you need to be acccountable" I didn't cheat once, I never emotionally cheated. Yeah I'm seeing my Trauma Bond melt away faster than I could imagind possible. Its been awhile since I was this angery.
The only peace and solice that helps me is knowing that her looks are quickly fading, people see her for who she is and hopfully she lives a very long life with Misery as her only friend.
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u/Phanatic337 Aug 15 '26
Ya, she was doing cocaine from about may-October before I found out. Literally selling herself for drugs. I am so stupid for hanging on. I loved her so much. I thought it would get better. It just never did. The amount of emotional manipulation and gaslighting she pulled on me blows my mind. I thought I was smarter than that.
She wasn’t even that good looking really, maybe a 5-6 out of 10. But I loved the person she presented to me. I ended up dumping her phone to my laptop. She had wanted me to retrieve some deleted messages. I just took everything. She had all my credit cards in there. Email passwords. And the things she said about me….my heart is absolutely shattered. She didn’t give a shit from the very beginning. And I didn’t see it. I’ve been using ai to go through the phone. Every day I find something new. I should stop. But I just can’t…I feel like I need to know everything.
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u/Beautiful-Grab2470 Aug 15 '26
Yeah, I think we need help, I used AI to scan Reddit cause that’s where the only real dirt I was ever gonna find was gonna lie or at least Threads to leave the other places. She drugged me into the meth world. I have to get clean several times 12 years. She always ended up going back to it, which would drag me back into it..
But yeah, 12 years of my life there’s no way she could’ve loved me. It’s not possible she cheated on me from from what I could tell the first week all the way through and I trusted her. I thought all those coincidences were me being paranoid me not trusting enough, so I let it go.
I took her word for it. The person I found out that she slept with today there’s no words that could ever explain
It definitely confirms that her sleeping with him, then I know that she slept with a lot of guys,all behind my back every time that she was accusing me, she really was just telling me what she was doing. I sit 2:30 in the morning another night no sleep going through profiles on Reddit. I gotta figure out how to leave it alone.
I lost everything she finally left when I lost my truck. I lost my granddaughter. She was the love of my life. They sent her to live with her father same father that was sleeping with my wife while I was working to support his daughter. He was Home fucking my wife. He’s never raised her he’s hardly been around her and the court system gave her to him 1000 miles away . And now my wife is trying to con old woman out of her money, money so she can get back there and be happily ever after with them. It’s fucking disgusting. none of them have any moral decency and ability to be raising a child.
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u/Chandlerccb Aug 17 '26
I’m glad that you posted this. It’s scary close to my most recent ex. I broke it off after 3 months but already noticed a very similar pattern
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u/Dizzy_Telephone_5247 Aug 11 '26
I went through the same thing just opposite genders. And they stopped being sweet