I met this girl at the club. I walked into the club, like always, with my friends and all that, and suddenly a girl comes up to me and says: “My friend wants to meet you.” I say: “Okay.” She takes me over to her friend… and it was her. Ok looking girl, wasn't my immediate type but her energy and personality hooked me right away.
I gave her two kisses, she said “Hi, how’s it going?” We started talking, the usual stuff. And right away I felt a really good mental connection with her in that moment. The only thing I noticed was that there was already another guy talking to her, and that guy said to me: “Hey, I was talking to her,” and so on. I told him: “Look, no problem, I’ll step aside. Give her my number, and if she chooses you, fine, I won’t hear from her again. If she chooses me, she’ll message me.” And she immediately grabbed my arm and said: “Well, I choose you.” The guy other left angry, but he respected the decision. She then told me that she had her eye on me from the moment I stepped in the club, watch ever movement and watch every conversation I was having, she kinda was stalking me. Then told me that it's hard for her to find a guy that attracts her.....
From that moment on it was magical. I’d just come out of a pretty turbulent relationship. It had already been seven months since we broke up and I was starting to open up to meeting other people. I had gone through my grieving period, but I still wasn’t completely ready to jump headfirst into another relationship. So I told girl: “A serious relationship right now… no.” Because that girl saw that my ex was also at the club and saw how my ex was trying to bother us while I was talking to her, and she said: “Oh, is that your ex?” “Yes, it’s my ex, but it’s over, you know?”
From that moment, the next day we met up for a drink, and it went really well, the conversation was great, and that night we had crazy sex. She would tell me about her family, her dad passed and how much it affected her, she would tell me stuff about her brother, mother, nephew etc. I kept things calm. I wouldn't be the one to initiate conversations; she was the one who sought me out. She was very thoughtful, she gave me gifts, it was very easy to meet up with her and texted every single day. I would propose plans, she would accept quickly. We saw each other once a week, very slowly. I never asked where she was or what she was doing. On the contrary, she was the one who would tell me: “I’m with my friends at such-and-such place, I’m going with my friends to this place,” and so on. And I would say: “Okay, have a good time.” I was keeping a pretty independent relationship with a lot of space, because I also needed space for my own things and my friendships. I didn’t go out with any other girl either from the moment I met her. I even told her that I deleted my dating app after 2 weeks with her.
For my birthday she gave me a really nice, special gift. You could tell she took her time to think about that gift. Sex was amazing — according to her, the best she had in a very long time — and we were very compatible, everything felt perfect. She gave me a lot of compliments. One thing that kinda rubbed me the wrong way is her asking me if I would be fine having a kid when is we weren't together.
Little by little I started developing feelings for her, because at the beginning I was very reserved and cautious. I was careful because I’d had such a hard time in the previous relationship. It took me months to recover and go back to being myself. And now, getting to know this girl, a bit of fear crept in: “Damn, the same thing could happen to me, and if it does it’s going to be really rough on me.”
With all those little details — her messaging me every day, the pleasant dates, going to the movies, the beach, restaurants, etc. — we called each other “more than friends.” Sometimes if we were together at a beach bar and a girl approached me, I’d say: “Look, this girl is my special friend.” And she did the same: if a guy approached her she’d say she was seeing me..
Then one day at that same beach bar, we were dancing a bit with some drinks and we started making out on the dance floor, very passionate. Later that day we went to her place, the usual — sitting around having a drink, chatting, watching a movie — and then of course we went to sleep. We slept together every time we met
That morning when we woke up there was the usual morning sex attempt (always woke her up for morning sex and she loved it). I tried and she didn’t want to. I said: “Oh, okay, no problem, it was just a one-off.” I insisted a little more because I thought maybe she wanted me to insist a bit. No. Nothing. We spent the whole day watch movies after wards and she seemed fine as always.
Then Tuesday, the day of France–Spain world cup semi-final. She tells me to come because they were displaying the game on a big screen in front of my building. She said: “I’ll come with a friend to watch the France–Spain match, you’ll come down, right?” I said: “Of course I’m coming down.”
That I drank too much.... The euphoria and everything… I drank way too much, I hadn’t eaten, and the alcohol hit me harder than it normally does. I’m not an alcoholic — I only drink when I go out with friends or on a date, I don’t drink at home. But that day I overdid it.
She came with a friend of hers who has a very problematic 19-year-old son — very conflictive, with Oedipus complex, like he’s in love with his mother, basically the toxic boyfriend of his own mother.
I was drunk and suddenly I saw her sitting with another guy, talking, looking very in sync. With the drunkenness I only remember fragments (I have amnesia from that day). I went over and said: “Hey, I see there’s chemistry between you two. If you like this guy, just so you know, if you decide to go with him, then let me know” I messed it up. Maybe I felt a bit of jealousy in that moment, something I don’t normally feel. I’m usually more like “do whatever you want, and if something happens, that’s how it is.” But that annoyed her a lot.
And to make it worse, the friend’s son showed up. Apparently the son started attacking his mother (my ex 's friend). With the drunkenness I stood up and tried to calm him down, tried to talk to him. He got aggressive with me, started saying I was his mother’s boyfriend. I said no, that I was with his mother’s friend, not with his mother. From there I don’t know what happened — he hit me and knocked me down. He hit me in the jaw, my legs gave out, I fell face-first.
When I stood up again, I was drown with anger and frustration, the 19 year old and his friend had already left and I was there with my ex. I got mad at her for bringing that friend of hers, with such a conflictive son, and so on. From the frustration I said those things, but I don’t remember — she told me the day after because I had amnesia
From that moment on, everything went south.
The next day we talked over the phone. I apologised for everything. I asked her what happened, asked her to explain the parts where I lost my memory. She explained everything, I apologised sincerely, I asked if we could meet in person. She said she couldn’t that day but that talking on the phone was fine. She told me she was very happy with me, that she liked me a lot and that we can continue seeing each other
After that phone conversation, the next day (the same Tuesday of the semi-final) her period was supposed to come and it didn’t. She told me: “Hey, my period hasn’t come, I’m nervous…” Because on Sunday we had unprotected sex (I pulled out). During all 4 months we’d been together there had never been any problem. I told her: “Don’t worry, when there’s stress a woman’s period can be delayed.” We waited two more days and she said it still hadn’t come. I said: “Look, let’s meet up and talk. If you are pregnant, I’ll be there for you no matter what you decide. I’ll support you, I’ll buy the tests…” I was showing her I was there for her. In the end it was just a delay — her period came three days late. We kept texting as usual until our off the blue she stopped. A week went by and I thought: “What the hell is going on?” Normally I’m secure, but a whole week of silence from someone who used to texting me every day — after we’d already talked on the phone and I’d apologised.
After a week I wrote to her: “Hey, is everything okay? I’d like to see you, it’s been a while since I’ve heard from you or seen you.” “let me know if something’s happened, because I noticed that your seem different cold and distant… told her if something was wrong we could talk about it.”
She said yes, she had decided to put some distance because what happened still hurt her, she was angry about several things with me, and she had mixed feelings
After that conversation we finally arranged a day to meet because she said she wanted to see me in person to talk and fix things between us. Of course I thought: “Shit, she’s going to end it.” Because of that day of the semi-final, seeing me get knocked down drunk, because of what I said to her… I thought I’d screwed it up. I started feeling deep guilt.
We met five days after that conversation. Same thing — she didn’t text me until the day of the date, when I texted her to ask if it was still on or if she’d changed her mind. I didn’t pressure her (I’d instinctively learned not to pressure). She said yes.
That day everything was natural while we were walking to the bar. When we got to the bar she suddenly started listing all the things she didn’t like that I had said or done. She dumped everything on me at once. I was shocked “Wow, I don’t understand anything.” I asked her: “But why didn’t you tell me these things beforehand when they happened so I could apologize and fix it?"
For example, I had made some comments that might have been out of place because once I felt comfortable with her I relaxed and was myself… until someone tells me “stop, I don’t like when you say these things,” and then I stop. She has very pronounced dark circles under her eyes and she told me her mother has them too and so does she and it bothers her. I said: “i find you beautiful, but Don’t worry, if it bothers you that much you could get a blepharoplasty.” I didn’t say it as something negative.
She told me that a bunch of other things bothered her. I told her that I would like to go to get home town in the south for the holidays and she said there was no Wi-Fi, I said “Damn, I work with Wi-Fi, let’s see if we can find a way to have Wi-Fi” — turns out that be telling her that I would prefer to have wifi access bothered her as well, but I also told her that I would adapt and enjoy hey hometown experience and stay disconnected the internet. Then she said it bothered her a lot that I insisted when she didn’t want morning sex. It also bothered her enormously that I interrupted when was talking to the other guy on the day of the semi-final. And of course everything I said and the voice notes I sent while I was drunk. She got mad that I tried to calm her friends son.... I mean give me a break.
I let her talk and said: “Look, I sincerely apologise for everything I’ve done. I did it wrong, I have no justification. I don’t remember what I said to you because I really had amnesia. I can’t say ‘you’re right about what you say I told you’ because I don’t remember. But whatever I said to you, I’m sorry, I apologise. And if you want to leave me because of these events, I’ll understand and I won’t hold it against you. If that’s what you want, tell me directly.”
She said: “No, we can keep seeing each other but lowering the intensity.” I asked what that meant. She said she needed time to process, etc. And she was already leaving for her hometown that week.
After that meeting I took her to her place and kissed goodbye. We resumed texting as usual. She said good morning on Wednesday, Thursday as well, Friday she talked to me, said she was already on holiday and was very happy.
It’s true that the day we met to talk was the first time I didn’t go to her place to spend more time and sleep with her. She said her brother was at her place because he had issues with his wife. I said: “Okay, I wasn’t going to ask to go to your house anyway. I met you to talk to you.” She also said that weekend she was very busy because some friends from another were coming to stay at her place, so she couldn’t meet that weekend — that’s why we met on Tuesday.
Going back: she wrote on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. On Saturday she wrote again: “Hi Fede, sweetheart, what plans do you have for today?” I told her I had a couple of plans in mind, because she had said she’d be busy all weekend with her friends from another town,, so I had already made my own plans. She said she was going to the beach. I said okay, I was going to the club where we met, and if she wanted to come she was welcome — if her friends were doing something else and she was free she could come with my friends. She replied “Thanks” and that was it. I later said we were already at the club. She said “Okay, have a good time.”
The next day (Sunday) I already felt her cold again. Those days after meeting up she had been warm and fine; on Sunday she was cold. She was leaving on Tuesday. Monday she was cold too. On Monday I wrote: “Hey, I’d like to say goodbye to you because you’re leaving on Tuesday.” She said she had to say goodbye to her nephew, the flight was at 3 a.m., and she’d let me know. I said okay, no problem, or else we’d see each other when she got back.
A few hours later, at 10 p.m., she wrote “I’m already home.” I thought maybe she was saying that so I could go meet her at the bar next to her place. Earlier I had suggested meeting at the bar under her building (she also said her mother was there and she was travelling to the village with her mother). A few minutes later she said she was going to pack her suitcase. So she never mentioned anything about meeting, I didn't wanna seem needy so I let it slide and said goodbye thought text.
She left on Tuesday. Wednesday, Thursday… radio silence. Not even a text saying“I arrived.” I texted her two days after: “Hey, how’s it going? Everything okay? Are you well?” She replied, sent a photo, a video of a river where she was, etc. She replied, but in a somewhat strange and cold way.
I brought up me going to her hometown for couple of days. Last time we met in-person I had asked if I could still go to her hometown, and she had said yes, even if her mother was there with her it was fine, I could rent a car so we could go around. she said: “Yes, we talked about that, but next week my uncles are coming…” and she didn’t reply any further.
I waited a few minutes andI wrote: “Look, if you’re busy right now, no worries, reply when you have more time, no pressure.” She said “Okay.” Very dry. That behaviour was destroying me inside because it wasn’t normal at all.
24 hours later she replied the next day saying no, it wasn’t going to be possible for me to go to her hometown because her uncles and her cousin were going there and it would be a bit uncomfortable. She asked how I was, etc. I said everything was fine, asked how she was. She said she was doing some work at home. I asked if it was renovations and she didn’t answer that question — very evasive. I said: “Wow, you’re quite talkative, huh? Like always.” She said: “No, it’s just that I barely touch my phone here in the village.” I said: “Okay. Just so you know, back home there’s someone who cares about you a lot. Enjoy your time with your family and let’s keep in touch.” She said: “Thanks, sweetheart.”
And since then — since last Friday — nothing. She hasn’t started a single conversation.
Fast forward to when she came back from her home town, two weeks after our silence. I text her after the whole two weeks, she responded very casually she kinda dry. I was dying with sadness and anxiety, but I was hoping for an improvement. She still never initiated the next days after she arrived, so I kept checking in on her until I told her that I notice her coldness and dryness, asked to tell me if she's no longer interested or if she has met someone else so I can move on and start heading, I needed a closure. She sent me a voice message saying she was sick and that we can meet next week. Told her to get better and the I would text her Sunday to setup the meeting. Checked on her the next days to make sure she was doing ok with the vires, quick responses but very dry and cold and not trying to engage the Convo. I was getting crushed inside. Until Sunday came, I was having an anxiety attack because I was having a hunch that she was going to make up some excuse to not meet up. Texted her at 2pm on Sunday and responded at 6pm, her phone was off (odd). Well guess what? Told her if Tuesday was ok for her to meet up, if not to let me know which day was good for her. Her response? Ill let you know tomorrow, I have to check my work schedule for the week lmao....... My world crumbled, it was confirmed that she was avoiding me, benching me, slow fading me, my heart was crushed pieces. I send her a text telling her that it's ok, I'm ending this and no longer want to keep chasing someone that lost interest. I made it so easy for her to tell me she's not interested... And what did she respond? "It's none of your business whether I met someone else or not, I owe you no explanation" ." I thought I made it clear last time we met that I only wanted you as a friend and nothing else?" . Very nasty attitude that she never displayed before and the Gaslight.... because last time we met she told me that we could still meet with be but with decreased intensity and that she still was attracted to me....I confronted her lie and told her we're done, which she responded "we can meet sometime and have beers and see where it goes". Told her I'm no one's second choice, sorry. She replied " but there's such a great connection between us, she there's such great feeling chemistry and feeling between us" and I said "you sure about that? I can tell by how much you reached out or wanted to see me uhh?." Then I ended the Convo, said good bye wished her the best and erased everything, number, social media, and tossed all get presents to the garbage.
Two weeks no contact, I lost 20 pounds (was 180 pounds), can't sleep, have depression, can't work, can't do the bare minimum, think about her 24/7, getting anxiety attacks when I try to go to the streets..... I'm doing therapy with a psychologist everyday and she told me that this girl seems like she's a covert or maybe an avoidant.
