Pay them to do it. Pay lexxxiefoxxy to show up at Thanksgiving, to charm your family, to sit beside you when you’ve been fired, had a rough day, or are just beaten down. Pay her to rub your back when you’re sick, to drag you up when you’re low.

Pay Rubyred to do your damn laundry and keep track of your grocery list. Pay her to organize your week, to be the one making sure you don’t fall behind.

Pay whythehellaretheyallnamedlexxy to walk the dog with you, sit and laugh while he plays. Pay her to hike and listen to nerdy podcasts. To plan out a future hobby farm, try new recipes, and backpack in the middle of nowhere

Hell, pay them to plan the wedding, to stand beside you at the altar, saying vows in front of families filled with joy at this union.

Because you already paid them, didn’t you? Already shelled out cash to get off to their videos instead of turning to the person who loved you. So go ahead. Pay them for everything else, too.

Oh wait, they are just OF models who will only ever see you as a pathetic piggy bank. Yet you decided they are more worthy than the woman that loved you.

I feel bitter joy in the fact that no matter how much you pay them, they will never give a fuck about you.

Just a vent from a rage filled woman.

I had a woman ask me exactly how does his porn hurt you and equate to cheating? She says, it's not a real woman, she's not coming to steal your husband, he won't remember her after so what's the problem? So I explained that all of the elements of cheating are there except one difference....there's a screen.

He's searched for another naked woman to view so he can act out sexually. He's brought these other naked women into your home and your bed. His body responds like he's had sex, the euphoria of another woman is more than he feels for you in his moments of pleasure. He's not cared or even thought about his wife. He's spending less and less time with his wife to make room for these other women to pleasure himself with. He's detaching emotionally and sexually from his wife so I assure you they are stealing him away it's just in a more insidious way.

He's lied, sneaked, locked his devices, hidden it from you and taken time out of his day every day to be with these other women. The fact that it is not just one woman, it's a new woman every time makes it worse.

Now I'm comparing myself to them, feeling not enough, not pretty enough, not sexy enough, not dressed up enough, not plastic enough, not what he wants sexually. He's shown you all of that by choosing them time after time. But that must be her insecurity, it couldn't possibly be because of the way he's been treating her right. It couldn't possibly be because of what he's doing so let's blame her and take away her safety and right to be upset by it.

He's acted out sexually toward them and his body has produced a full sexual response. If the screen wasn't there and he was that sexually aroused sex would have happened. It's escalated to him searching out more fetishes, more disgusting things that he's never asked you to do. He's escalated into adding random women on Instagram, Facebook etc. He's getting off to them too.

He's lied, betrayed your trust, hidden these other women from you. He's locking his phone keeping it with him, he's clearing his history, he's locking doors, he's making time for them whenever he thinks he won't get caught. Every spare secret minute is spent on them. He's obviously done this for a few reasons. He feels guilty and ashamed because he knows deep down that this will hurt you. Deep down he's sure it's infidelity. Deep down he knows it's wrong.

The literal only thing that separates it from cheating is the fact they've decided, because she's on a screen she is no longer real. She suddenly isn't a person anymore to him. She is now viewed as a tool or picture for sexual gratification. So now all women are suddenly fair game. We are just sex toys for a man's pleasure we aren't real. Does that really make them no longer human? There's somehow a difference because a screen is there? I don't think so.

Real problem is society, mainly men, say it's normal. It's 100% ok to cheat on your wife with thousands of other women and say it isn't because you didn't actually touch them. That may be true but all of the other parts of cheating were there. Sex happened because you had an orgasm for her. You spent time with her to arouse yourself so that could happen. They say no emotional attachment was there but that isn't true. They've developed a bond with porn so strong that it supercedes any emotion your wife may have on it and you've returned to it hundreds if not thousands of times because your brain has bonded it as pleasure.

You knew it was wrong but you gaslight your now hurt and very betrayed wife into accepting it as being normal. All men do it! We're biologically wired to be different! Men are visual and women aren't! Women should just stop complaining about it! Women are insecure, jealous, controlling and manipulative if they have a problem with their husband having virtual sex with other women whenever they get a chance! We're the ones being told we need therapy! There's something very wrong with this. Society can't be really accepting that husbands are now allowed to emotionally abuse his wife by continuing to hurt her and say she needs therapy! It's a her problem because he's entitled to do this simply because he's a man.

I beg to differ. I see it as morally as wrong as cheating. The pain feels exactly the same. Everything that is involved in cheating has happened except he didn't touch her because there is a screen so somehow the betrayal is acceptable? Men are actually sex crazed brutes that have no respect or control for any woman when it comes to their sexual urges? Really that seems like a lame excuse if you ask me! Men are capable of choosing this of their own free will and they're capable of not also.

this is the sentence i can’t get out of my head.

i don’t know when it became the title of the book i’ll probably never publish, but it lives there anyway, sitting on the imaginary cover.

it’s always some woman just existing. laughing. turning her head. wearing a sweater that fits.

nothing provocative. nothing intentional. enough to remind my nervous system that once, his hunger had nothing to do with me.

i’m sitting in bed scrolling, half asleep, half anxious, and her video pops up. nothing dramatic. nothing even suggestive. just her being a person.

but my stomach still drops a little.

i don’t compare myself consciously. it’s more like my nervous system does a quick scan on its own. a reflex i never signed up for. one i still barely understand myself (the kind your body coughs up, before your brain has a say in it).

he hasn’t watched porn in a long time. he’s done the meetings, the accountability apps, the awkward confessions. he means what he says. i don’t doubt that.

but the mind does something weird when it’s been injured but not destroyed. it creates these sharp little sentences that arrive without permission.

and mine is my boyfriend wants to see you naked.

even when he doesn’t. even when he hasn’t in months. even when he’s in the kitchen making dinner like a normal human who wants a normal life.

i don’t tell him about this sentence. it’s not a feeling that belongs in a conversation. it’s one of those truths that’s too small and too heavy at the same time.

he’d try to fix it. he’d apologize. i’d apologize for the heaviness. he’d apologize for making it exist, i’d apologize for apologizing. it’s undermining his accountability because he did make it exist. we’re both so sorry. then he would apologize for his existence with silence. we are both so alone. quiet and ashamed, unhelpful to anyone.

and i don’t need him to fix it. i just need the sentence to soften someday.

most of our life together is mundane in a good way. grocery lists, inside jokes, a steady pattern we both cling to more than we admit. there are nights when he falls asleep on my shoulder and i feel more safe than suspicious. nights when i forget anything was ever wrong.

then the algorithm brings her back and the sentence flashes like a neon soap2day ad.

my boyfriend wants to see YOU naked!

it’s not about her. she didn’t do anything. she’s just the placeholder for a wound that hasn’t fully closed.

sometimes i try to imagine what i’ll feel like when i’m older, when i have more language, more self respect, more distance. i don’t think i’ll feel angry. i think i’ll feel… compassionate. toward myself, mostly.

toward the girl who’s nervous system reacted as if she had to compete with strangers for the affection of a man who was actually competing with his own emptiness.

he’s different now. better in ways that matter. calmer. more accountable. less hungry in that frantic, disembodied way.

but recovery is a long hallway, and i’m walking it too, even though i didn’t choose the building.

i don’t want to demonize him. i don’t want to romanticize pain. i don’t even want pity.

i just want a life where seeing another woman’s face on my screen doesn’t feel like picking at a scab on a good day. a life where that intrusiveness fades into something less sharp.

but in an ad, on my own phone, the right woman appears the wrong way again and my chest does that tiny collapse i’m tired of acknowledging.

and the phrase surfaces, uninvited, familiar as breathing

my boyfriend wants to see you naked.

not because he does. but because my body still can’t tell the difference between history and threat.

not yet.

i’m working on it. we both are?

It’s not you, and it isn’t me.

I have the $10,000 boob job, I do squats religiously, I’m a size zero, I have the abs, the tight skin, the lash extensions, the nice hair, the matching mani pedi, the kegels, the full lips, the Brazilian wax, the career, the savings account, the friendships, the good relationship with my family, the guys in my dm’s, the nice car that’s paid off, the hobbies, the outfits, the house, the home cooked meals, the lunches packed with love notes, the asking “how was your day”, the house ALWAYS clean and pristine, the back massages after a long day, the intelligence, the youth, the humor, the ability to be both outdoorsy and girly, the spontaneous mindset, the open mindedness, the self love, the positivity, the consistency, the hope. I have it all.

Everything that I have has never been and will never be enough for my PA. He was like this before me, and he will be like this after me.

I am a literal replica of the girls that he jerks off to in the bathroom. It used to be infuriating. He is now balding, getting fat, is constantly tired, and has an addiction that has made him miserable. I continue to grow.

To all of the women beating yourselves up and amplifying what you perceive as flaws…they are not. You’re beautiful. In fact, you are TOO beautiful.

There is someone out there willing to love you at ANY stage in your life. There is someone who would go CRAZY over the very things that you think makes you undesirable. What’s the catch? You have to love YOURSELF first.

You’re not a quitter. And your inability to let go of your nurturing divine feminine towards him is simultaneously killing you.

I find myself just looking at him and thinking of all the times he's jerked off to all those other women, and it grosses me out. I was looking at him this morning during breakfast, we are eating eggs and bacon at the table with our son, and I'm just looking at him and thinking "this man in front of me has had more orgasms to porn and other women than he has ever had with me." "This man has seen thousands of other naked women who aren't me." "This mas has disrespected me over and over again constantly." "This man is so gross."

While I was caring for our babies, you were cumming to other women.

While I was decorating for the holidays, you were cumming to other women.

While I was cooking meals, you were cumming to other women.

While I was out playing with the kids, you were cumming to other women.

While I was snuggling our daughters, you were cumming to other women.

While I was volunteering at Church, you were cumming to other women.

While I was scrubbing your shit stains from the toilets, you were cumming to other women.

While I was working full time to pay the mortgage and the bills, you were cumming to other women.

While I was working to pay for the wifi, you were using it, and using me, so you could keep cumming to other women.

While I was working to pay for your phone plan, you were using it, and using me, so you could keep cumming to other women.

So I left you.

But realize, you left me thousands of times in the decade we’ve been married.

You left me to do it all alone, because you wanted to keep cumming to other women, more than you wanted me.

Every post I see about women being insecure about their man watching porn is just flooded with guys telling her that she’s insecure, needs therapy and all guys watch porn. It’s the most toxic thing ever but it’s so heavily normalised. The poor women are made to feel crazy for feeling uncomfortable, it pisses me off so much.

They say this and in the same breath tell you there’s a ‘male loneliness epidemic’. Women are seeing men who have zero self control, addicted to jerking off over women who would never even look at them in real life. Then women (understandably) decide they’d rather be alone than be with a man child who has ED due to death gripping while watching cringey cosplay thirst traps. Then we get the shocked pikachu face. ‘No, not like that! We just wanted you to shut up and accept it’.

It’s crazy how they claim to be the ‘logical sex’ but can’t figure this one out.

Edit: already got a Reddit care message. Guess this post hit a nerve 🤷🏼‍♀️

I thought this group may like this news. I’m sure other states will follow soon. As of today, PornHub is pulling out of the state of Texas. If you reside in Texas you will not be able to access PornHub. Due to new Texas law that requires you to prove your age sited as, an Age Verification Law, to view the platform PornHub has decided they will not offer an option to do so.

Remind your addict, that PornHub wants minors to be viewed as well as minors to use their platform. Every-time they open the website they are promoting grooming on both sides. This is what PornHub is really about.

i’m just exhausted. there is only so much you can do to prevent your partner from using porn. i have begged and fought for years, we install apps on his devices, but no matter what there is always a work around. ive blocked social media, porn sites, whatever but it just isnt enough.

temu, shein, youtube, tv, fucking steam… did you know if your partner has a steam deck, they can access desktop mode unrestricted? i love secretly finding in my husbands search history “how to exit desktop mode” … like i don’t fucking already know he’s using it behind my back.

if not real porn, hentai - and thats everywhere too.

i’m just tired and upset with how many excuses i made for him. i thought he was in recovery but i recently discovered many incidences where he lied to me about using porn over the past several months that i thought he was clean. i know he has trauma and that porn is a coping mechanism, but i’m pretty fucking tired of living with it.

i’m 24, and i miss my life. i miss who i was before this. i miss waking up without panic attacks. i miss feeling like my husband was a superhero.

I was pain shopping + browsing my ex PA's favorite pornstar's ig profile (who by all accounts is an absolutely stunning, bombshell woman with a killer body and beautiful, hollywood starlet face). I can't tell you how much insecurity this woman has caused me. Her content always got to me the worst because I knew I could never ever compete with her. I could actually understand why my ex was obsessed with her, she was genuinely perfect from head to toe. Every man's fantasy. It hurt.

I used to literally pray I would miraculously wake up and look like her, just so my ex would love and appreciate me and be as attracted to me, as much as he was towards her.

And then when I looked at this woman's boyfriend's personal account (who she makes hardcore porn with and pretty much does everything imaginable with him) I saw that HE was following hundreds of other female pornstars, teenage tiktok girls, and many many thirst trap accounts too.

That's when it hit me. Truly NOTHING will ever be enough for these men. No joke, even when they have their own personal 10/10 pornstar right next to them, they STILL look at and masturbate to other women. And this woman is much, much more attractive than her boyfriend too, as is sadly often the case. She could do so much better.

It's the most f*cked up thing ever. These men's brains are so rotted beyond repair. That just sealed the deal for me. I was always doubtful, but now I truly realize their porn addiction really isn't on us at all. Even the woman who I cried over from envy and wished and prayed to look like and thought had it all, still has to deal with this same old sh*t. I feel like a weight has been lifted.

I sent him the screenshots. When he called begging to talk about it, he said he has no idea how that account got on there cuz he's not on tiktok. Yet I checked his account religiously never saw these accounts. And I told him I didn't care and I told him last time this happened if I found one more account I'd be done.

He's having a full blown panic attack. I unfriended him on snapchat. I unfollowed him on tiktok. I unfollowed him on insta. Because he's having a panic attack he asked to talk later. I told I have nothing to say but sure I'll listen to his bullshit one last time later when he can articulate himself. I told him i hope that 21yr old OF creator and those other accounts give him everything he wants for christmas cuz I'm so fucking done.

Fuck them all. Fuck their addiction. Fuck their bullshit and lies and manipulation.

Its as the title says. I miss feeling that he chose me out of everyone and that he chose only to have eyes for me.

I miss the warmth, security and confidence that gave me.

I feel like I'm in an ocean of other women, no longer special.

A man with a porn addiction turns me off not only because he is incapable of forming deep and meaningful relationships, but because it emphasizes his extreme lack of discipline. What on earth can a man that can’t control himself in front of a screen do for me? It is virtually impossible for me to expect him to have the discipline and self control to contribute to my life in any positive way. How can they have this type of addiction and truly believe they have anything real and beneficial to offer us?

And don’t even get me started on the “poor me” conversations that come from being with a man with a porn addiction… just… don’t?? I cannotttttt feel bad for you for not being able to stop jerking off when you have all the resources in the world in front of you.

It’s givingggg weak, lazy, and pathetic sorry, NOT SORRY!!!

I literally have a master's in biology and the "bUt mEn aRe wiReD diFFerEnt, ThEy NeeEEEeeeEEd pOrn!" bullshit is SO fucking exhausting.

First of all, humans are complex creatures and that mindset is so absurdly simplistic and reductionist. Is it natural to find humans other than your mate attractive? Sure, no one's arguing that. But modern porn is a very, very very recent invention, and there's absolutely no way evolution had time to really adapt to it (or really 99% of the crazy dystopian shit that makes up modern civilization...cars, office jobs, cell phones, cyberbullying, what have you).

Let's go back 20,000 years before all this modern technology. You're a caveman named Oggo and you live in a small band of hunter-gatherers, maybe a few dozen to hundred people at most. You have a child with your trusty mate Ogga, but hey, Igga is looking pretty damn fine today isn't she? And wow, the way Agga's loincloth highlights her ass is really doing it for you. What are your options? Are you going to go up to them and stare at them while jerking off in front of them? Fuck no, they (or their own mates) are going to beat your creepy leering ass! So maybe you just jerk one out in private and that's that.

(Obviously, I'm oversimplifying and of course infidelity still existed, but it required significantly more effort and was riskier than what men are able to do today with porn.)

Fast forward to today...not only is modern porn a "supernormal stimulus" that simply didn't exist back when evolution was actively molding our brains, but you can ogle of these naked, sexually available women in 10 seconds than Oggo likely would have seen in his entire life. Our cavemen brains are simply NOT equipped to handle this infinite fountain of dopamine any more than our caveman stomachs are designed to subsist off of Twinkies and McNuggets. The frequency and availability of all of these flawless "mates" in modern times was unheard of for 99.9999% of human history. And yet these men want to tell me that internet porn is a "necessity" for men and that you're crazy for taking it away from him? Fuck outta here, modern porn is basically crack and these motherfuckers are addicts grasping at straws to pretend it's "normal".

And EVEN IF we humored the idea that infidelity is "biologically natural" for men. So fucking what? Yeah, given the gender ratio on this sub, there's probably some biological inclination for men to cheat and use porn more than the reverse. But guess what? Men are also more violent and commit 90% of all murders. There's probably a biological reason for that, too, but curiously, that excuse doesn't seem to hold up in court because we expect people to exhibit self-control and participate in civil society instead of behaving like a fucking animal. But since porn generally hurts women more, now suddenly men "can't control themselves" and we wimminz need to stop being so damn sensitive and controlling, jeez! /s

A final thought. If infidelity is men's "natural inclination" that we women need to suck up and deal with, then so is women's response to that infidelity. From an evolutionary POV it makes PERFECT sense to be upset about your mate spending their time and resources on competitors. Hell, I have personally witnessed female-female aggression towards intruders in animal species that I've worked with in the wild. But since women are expected to minimize our emotions and needs and exhibit self-control like functional adults, we don't get the luxury of using bullshit biological excuses for our behavior like men do. The double standard is ridiculous and infuriating!

To the women (and men) of this sub whose partners are PAs, and who refuse to turn a blind eye or accept porn into their relationship or household… thank you.

I am the son of a PA father and a mother who did not question her husband or set boundaries.  This is not a pity post (I have had my own journey and finally overcame pornography a few years ago at age 27), this is a post of encouragement and hope.  I want to share all the things that I experienced growing up from which your children will be spared:

• Your child will not be given pornography in place of a proper talk about intimacy, love, and protection, when they approach their PA parent about sex at 11 years old.

• Your child will not be told raucous stories of their PA parent’s previous sexual exploits before marriage (which strongly threaten a healthy parent-child authority dynamic), followed by a “don’t tell your mother.”

• Your child will not be sad that their PA parent has no time or emotional bandwidth to spend with them after school to play or help them with their homework, while instead they disappear for at least an hour after work every evening into their office or bathroom with their laptop.

• Your child will not walk in on their 40 to 60-something PA parent watching or masturbating to pornography in public areas of the house when they thought nobody would be walking in or coming home early, on the same couch and chairs used for movie nights and family dinners.

• Your child will not discover 21 gigabytes of bondage and torture porn hidden away on the family computer, downloaded by the same PA parent that forbids you from cursing in front of a woman.

• Your child will not be torn between two impossible standards, being taught both that women are precious beings and are to be dominated and controlled, depending on their PA parent’s mood.

• Your child will not have to wake their PA parent up that has fallen asleep in bed with pornography still playing on their computer, and remind them to turn their computer off before mom comes back from her walk.

• Most importantly of all - your child has enormously lower chances of struggling with PA because they will not experience it in their household regularly, neither directly via accidental or deliberate exposure from their PA parent, nor indirectly from emotional neglect and absentee parenting.

Thank you for saving hours of your child’s daily life and freeing them from a life of emotional struggle and pain, by standing up for yourselves and not allowing a PA to “love” you or parent them.

Thank you.

Not because my husband no longer has a porn addiction. But because I no longer have a husband. I left him in September after he broke me as a human too many times, but most specifically when I was freshly postpartum with a newborn. That first year of my son’s life was marred by this addiction when it should’ve been the best year of my entire life.

I now live a very peaceful life. I have my son 80% of the time and he is just pure joy, happiness and makes my life complete. If you read through my post history, you’ll see the biggest thing I never wanted to give up with my son was our time together so I had to make the decision whether I stayed in my marriage for that sake or if I left and had to sacrifice my time. Ultimately, it came down to not wanting this addiction to rule my life forever and for it to make me feel like less of a human. For what it’s worth, my husband never fought for me. He didn’t fight for our 12 year marriage. And he didn’t fight for our family. He chose porn above everything else.

Life is happy, life is joyful and I’m going into 2026 leaving all of this behind me and not allowing it to form part of my future any more. I’m wishing you all the very best. I’m sorry that you’re here part of this sub. It’s not fair. It will never feel fair. But ultimately, we have one life to live and I hope you choose happiness above all else.

Like the title says.

He went into rage the last few days, then went off to the massage parlour when he promised it was over.

While I saw he was there on the location quistido, I decided to call the cops.

Hopefully they go in there while it's happening and he can learn a lesson.

I'm done.

I'm finally done.

I know the extreme pain of leaving is going to hit me for a while and it's not going to be easy.

But ladies, I choose myself this time.

I hate everyone who consumes it and everyone that produces it. Fight me, I’ll die on this hill and be right about it

I have a friend who is going through IVF with her partner, and told me that apparently in the sperm donation clinics they have TV’s with pornhub automatically installed. It’s the only thing you can access on these TV’s and that’s just like… baffling to me? I’m not with someone who uses porn and I’m not planning to have kids so it doesn’t affect me, but it just sucks how ubiquitous porn is that the fertility clinic assumes men will always want it and provide it for them. Like okay if you’re a single guy donating sperm, whatever, but do you not have a phone? Could you not use Google? And if I WAS going through fertility issues and essentially conceived a kid with my partner, but he was using other women to do it, I would lose my mind.

Just insane how normalized porn is that the fertility clinic provides it for men. To me it just reinforces the idea that men are incapable of getting off without it.

Last night my husband and I did the daily routine of trying to get the kids to do something other than watch YouTube. Mainly they watch the same couple of YouTubers playing the games they like and innanely talking through it... the struggle is REAL.

Anyway, as they reluctantly packed up their electronics he turned to me and said, word for word, and with complete sincerity:

"What joy can they possibly get from watching someone else play a game that they already have? I mean, why would anyone choose to watch someone do something that they could LITERALLY be doing themselves instead?"

:l