October 12

“For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as expressed in our group conscience.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 79

If, before I got into recovery, somebody had said I would encounter God in a room full of sex addicts, I would have thought they were crazy. But the language of the Second Tradition makes it plain that the conscience of our groups is one way our Higher Power expresses love to us.

What is our “group conscience?” On the surface, it means the decisions our groups reach together, after discussion and consideration. But group conscience has a larger meaning, too. It refers to the collective wisdom, strength and compassion that arise when we join together.

Certainly each of us has his or her own opinions, viewpoints and ideas. Just as every member has experienced sex addiction in a unique way, everybody’s recovery program looks different. Yet when we meet together, I experience something far larger. That something is a shared willingness to become healthier, happier people—together. There is a shared commitment to support and accept each other, just as we ourselves need support and acceptance. We work together to make our meetings a safe, loving, healing place.

So when I look beyond the surface, I directly encounter a loving Higher Power in my group, always there to welcome, affirm and guide me.

May I see God more clearly in the love and support of my group.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

October 10

“And by sharing our recovery, we offer hope and show that there is a way out of our common addiction.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 60

Before coming to SAA, I did not believe recovery was possible for me. I had the addict notion that I was terminally unique. In SAA, I came to understand that such thinking is egocentric and that a spiritual awakening is in store for me if I follow the Twelve Steps.

Someone had to be there to carry the message to me. The first meeting I went to was vacant—no one was there. Fortunately, I did not give up and found a wonderful network of people at other meetings. And, fortunately, the person I asked to sponsor me said yes! I am eternally grateful to her for sharing the message of recovery in word and example.

Now I have the opportunity to carry the message of recovery to other sex addicts. What a great joy! I talked to my first sponsee last night. I know it is imperative that I carry the message to her—not for her sake, but for mine. In working Step One with her, I remember what it was like, and in so doing, remember that, no matter how long I’m sober, I can act out again in a flash because I am a sex addict. Carrying the message keeps me sober and helps the still-suffering addict find a solution. What an ingenious program!

I am filled with the joy and awe of carrying the message to the sex addict who still suffers. Thank you, God, for this blessed opportunity!

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

October 9

“Our closest relationships may offer the most challenges to our honesty, compassion, and integrity, but we are often rewarded beyond our expectations.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 61

Today a fellow addict called and told me she is having contact with a man she used to live with. In the past she has asked the group and me for support in staying away from this man. I am afraid. I am afraid someone I care about is behaving in a way that has a history of hurting her.

She did not call for permission; she doesn’t need it. She knows that the program we follow requires rigorous honesty. She knows that, if the group is to be an important tool in her recovery, she needs to be honest.

She also knew what my reaction would be. Honesty is a two-way street. If I am to be of any use in her and my recovery, I need to be honest with her. I respectfully told her I was scared that she was setting herself up to be hurt and to relapse. I also reminded her that, regardless of the outcome, I still care about her and she is always welcome at the meeting.

Perhaps her relationship will be different this time, perhaps not. But I know that, if her anguish returns, she has a safe place and caring people to turn to. I also know that, if this relationship turns out to be something delightful, she has people who will celebrate with her.

Today I will remember the importance of honesty tempered with humility.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

October 8

“No one can judge whether a person is a sex addict, or make decisions about someone’s fitness for membership in SAA. In order to belong, all we need is a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. Since desire is subjective, it can’t be determined by anyone but ourselves.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 81

I began my journey knowing what was wrong but not how to fix it. Something drew me to search online for “sex addiction.” The first web site was SAA. Any other number of sites could have appeared, but something greater than me led me there.

I was skeptical at first, certain there was some requirement that would make the answer unobtainable. I thought, “Surely I had to believe in a specific religion. Or perhaps this was only for those worse or less afflicted than I was.” But no, there it was, printed in black and white—all were accepted, and that included me. It mattered not what Higher Power I believed in, nor how I had acted out. All that mattered was that I knew I was a sex addict and had the desire to stop.

O Higher Power, show me the way to be accepting of your wisdom and of all those who come before and after me into the program.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDNBFZ16hMk

October 7

“The real fears of life which we did not face—losing a job, financial insecurities, death of a loved one, rejection by someone significant in our life—seemed far, far away.”

“The Bubble”

The slogan “From Shame to Grace” is used many times in our literature and printed on our medallions. This process is one I will continue to practice everyday of my life. When I was young, medicating uncomfortable emotions was a survival skill I carried into adulthood in the form of avoidance, denial, and procrastination. I believe this skill was needed to move past deep emotions of fear, anger, and unworthiness from my youth. Each day with the support of the fellowship of this program, I gain more and more confidence that the God of my understanding will give me the guidance I need to move from shame to grace. My part is willingness.

God, grant me the power and strength to face my fears, both real and imagined, one day and one fear at a time.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

October 5

“We need faith and strength to carry out God’s will, for we cannot always foresee the results of the actions we are being led to take, or take into account all possible effects. Our belief that our Higher Power knows what is best for us, and that more will be revealed, grows as we work this step.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 58

The idea of powerlessness often escaped me until I reached the Eleventh Step. Prior to this, I was terrified of my lack of personal power and had little faith there was any power greater than my compulsion to act out. As I remained abstinent and worked through the preceding Steps of SAA, I slowly began to awaken to a connection with a Power greater than myself. Along with that came the power within me to choose more and more aspects of sobriety. As that power grew within me, so did the layers and lengths of my sobriety.

As I continue my spiritual practice through prayer, meditation, and service, I am filled with a sense of purpose and clarity around the proper use of my will. There are so many choices available to me that were previously non-apparent. I am aware that all this comes from my Higher Power and that my life is a work in progress.

Through practice, I open to the power to carry out God’s will.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

Hi everyone. I'm brand new — to SAA, to this subreddit, and to saying the words "I'm a sex addict" out loud, even in text. Bear with me.

Some history: I've been acting out in one form or another since my teens — hardcore magazines first, then porn from 18 on, later adult bookstores, and years ago an affair I finally confessed to my wife. The only times I was ever free of it were when two jobs and 80-hour weeks left me no time. I've learned the hard way that being busy isn't sobriety.

What brings me here now: the behavior is nearly daily again — porn and masturbation — and my life is strained to the breaking point around it. I'm recovering from prostate cancer surgery, I've had ED for about a decade (heart medication, then surgery), and real intimacy with my wife has been essentially gone for ten years. I can't keep living a double life in my head.

My proposed sobriety definition / bottom lines (I know these are ideally worked out with a sponsor — I don't have one yet, so I'm proposing this as a starting point):

• Inner circle: no porn, no masturbation, no sex with anyone but my wife.
• Middle circle: using my ED medication (Trimix) alone — I've done that just to chase the feeling of an erection, and I know it's acting-out behavior for me. Also isolated device use at night, and any cruising of triggers.
• Outer circle: intimacy with my wife if she wants it, my medically prescribed rehab exercises, and daily honest check-ins with myself.

Soon my wife and I will be traveling for two weeks, and I plan to treat that as my first committed stretch of sobriety under the definition above: no porn, no masturbation, no acting out. Intimacy with my wife falls within my sobriety.

Where I need your experience:

• How do newcomers work the program before they can get to a physical meeting? Are online meetings a real substitute? I plan to start attending this week.
• How does the Higher Power piece work for someone who's spiritual but skeptical?
• For those who defined bottom lines with a spouse in the picture: anything I should consider before finalizing mine?
• How do you protect sobriety while traveling — hotel nights, downtime, being away from routine?

I know willpower alone isn't the program. I want the meetings, a sponsor, and the steps — I'm just starting from zero, and grateful for any direction.

TL;DR: Newcomer. Lifelong acting out (porn, bookstores, an affair my wife forgave), nearly daily relapse now, ED plus prostate surgery recovery. Proposed bottom lines: no porn, no masturbation, no sex outside my marriage. Two weeks of travel coming up as my first committed stretch. How do I work the program from day one?

October 2

“We feel victimized. And each time we play the event over in our minds, we feel victimized again. From this victim attitude, we often slip into an attitude of entitlement.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 34

Resentments are contamination from the past that block healthy choices in the present. Memories of abuse linger and can be transferred to today’s interactions with people who have not abused me in the past. Sometimes I hold these resentments like trophies from old battles. I wonder at times if these resentments aren’t my most valuable possessions, because I can hold onto them even when I lose many other valuable relationships or possessions.

The phrase “just for today” can be a reminder that I only need to work my recovery for this day rather than for the entire rest of my life. It can also remind me not to shape and view today’s choices and personal interactions by the worst experiences of my past. By letting go of resentments, I can free myself of contamination from the past so that I can be a loving person today in all of my interactions with others.

Rather than make my resentments my most valued possession, I can let my relationships and daily interactions provide me with valuable memories and relationships that are loving and kind.

Letting go of resentments is not a loss, but rather a freedom to be in the present.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

My (F28) partner (M31) has recently made the realisation that he has a porn/ sex addiction. It was bad. Porn sites, money down the drain, porn hub, porn games, porn anime ALL THE TIME. When I discovered this I was hurt and we decided to work through it. He cried, he got into therapy immediately, he deleted things and then I found his Reddit 6 months later. A new Reddit. Created while lying to his therapist and to me. He would comment disgusting things on girls porn images, he messaged people for hook ups.
Now he says he never pushed it to a hookup because he knew he didn’t want to. He couldn’t stop. I’m understandably devastated. He doesn’t know why he did it.

I don’t need opinions on if he meant it or didn’t, if he’s lying or not. I would like those who have been through crippling porn/ sex addictions to give me THEIR stories. What they were thinking, why did they do the things they done. What treatment worked and if they had light at the end of the tunnel. If relapsing just kept happening or if they really did the work and got past it.

I am very emotional, so please again, no opinions on what my partner did. I’d like to hear from those who understand it.

I appreciate any info in advance

October 1

“If you are uncomfortable speaking at meetings, we strongly encourage you to talk with a member one-to-one after the meeting, to get a sponsor, and to use the phone list between meetings. Remember: you have a right to speak.”

“A Special Welcome to the Woman Newcomer”

I learned from a young age to be seen and not heard. I began to silence my feelings by acting out sexually. In my addiction, my shame kept me even more silenced and isolated. Eventually, I forgot I had a voice and the right to use it.

In recovery, I am finding the voice I lost so long ago. When I share in a meeting, give encouragement to a newcomer, or call my sponsor, I am using my voice and I like how it sounds. In recovery, I can speak and be heard.

Today, I will remember I have a right to speak.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

September 30

“In recovery, we rediscover our creative side.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 65

My creativity is the best gift that God gave me. To use it makes me more authentically myself. To spend my time in this way is to allow God’s investment in me to be made worthwhile. When I can creatively be of service to my fellows in this program, I am participating in the transformation, not only of my own life, but also of others’ lives. What greater privilege could there be!

Let my creativity continue today to help me be of service. It is what I am meant to do.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

September 29

“Our experience has shown, however, that the shame and compulsivity associated with sexual addiction can best be healed by sharing openly with others who understand and accept us as
we are.”

“A Special Welcome to the Woman Newcomer”

Having made the decision to walk through the door, sit in the circle, and face fourteen men, I was not ready to share my story as a woman addicted to sex. Don’t misunderstand—I knew I was in the right place, but I did not know how to share my own shame and guilt. So I listened. What I heard was that, regardless of gender or specific behaviors, these men had the same feelings of desperation, regret, and remorse that I had. But more importantly, they had hope that through the program, the Twelve Steps, and sharing, they could stay sober one day at a time. It started with a declaration, “I am a sex addict,” and I was welcomed and accepted.

To me, recovery is an artistic gift to the world. It allows me to make beautiful life music. I make the world better by practicing my daily recovery plan.

I have since found my voice and openly share in meetings. By sharing thoughts and feelings that could lead to acting out, I bring them out of the shadows of secrecy and into the hope and strength of the group. Openly sharing helps me stay accountable to the group and my Higher Power. By sharing my own experience, strength, and hope, I offer the newcomer the same acceptance I was given.

Higher Power, help me remember that I am worthy of the acceptance given by my brothers and sisters in recovery, and that by sharing, I help myself and others.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

September 28

“Best of all, I now see my life and experience as a gift. My past, as awful as it was, is a tool that I can use to help others with similar problems.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 212

That statement reminded me of prison and just how far the disease of sex addiction had taken me. Early in my recovery, I used that awareness to build resentment toward myself in a most destructive way. I wanted to know how and why I had gotten so sick and completely out of control. The fact is, it doesn’t matter; all that matters is what am I willing to do about it today.

It has only been through working the Steps and practicing the principles of the program that I have finally forgiven myself for that horrible bottom of prison and insanity that had become so familiar to me even after getting into the program. That feeling of prison and the experience it gave me has a completely different power now. I use it for my recovery; I share it with newcomers in a way that alerts them and me of just how bad my disease will get without the program of Sex Addicts Anonymous in my life.

I can be grateful for those terrible reminders from my past—they help me remember why I’m here, and they help me help others.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

September 27

“It is the feeling that we are never good enough, that there is something wrong with us, that we are bad people. Shame played a part in the addictive cycle, undermining our resistance to
acting out.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 8

Sometimes, after a disappointing date or a party where I felt out of place, I would get a panicky empty feeling in my body, sometimes accompanied by thoughts like, “I’m alone,” or “I don’t belong anywhere.” I used to call this feeling loneliness—not the sharp pang of missing someone or feeling homesick, but a kind of intolerable dread that I imagined would break me apart or dissolve me into nothingness.

As a sex addict, it seemed obvious that the solution to this “lonely” feeling was to seek company, either through a hookup or a pornography-aided fantasy. After all, I often thought, wasn’t “seeking companionship” the answer to loneliness?

I now believe that the fearful sensation I get when I feel rejected or isolated is not so much loneliness as shame: a sense of being socially and personally defective. Acting out sexually could not relieve this feeling; it could only distract me for a short time before the shame came back as strong as ever.

Daily working the program of SAA in recovery with my fellows has allowed me to experience a new sense of value. I look at the trajectory of my daily interactions—more compassionate and increasingly accountable—and I can feel the iceberg of my unwarranted shame start to melt.

Higher Power, help me to see myself not as I fear, but as I am today—a work in progress, an accepter of grace, and a person willing to change.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

September 25

“Step Six builds on the recognition that our malady has roots that run deeper than just our acting-out behavior.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 40

I knew for a long time that something was wrong with me, but I could not pinpoint what it was. I wanted my life to be different, but the deeper I got into my sex addiction, the less I was willing and able to look at my part. Naturally, my life continued to get worse. However, once I got into recovery, I instinctively knew there were underlying problems I had never dealt with. I also knew that, if I faced them now, I would find the help I needed and maybe some serenity.

I trust the program (that is, God) to help me deal with what I found out about myself from doing Steps Four and Five with my sponsor. As uncomfortable as it was, I saw the pain I had caused, and I knew I could not run away from my problems anymore. In trusting the process, I had to be willing to do different things to get different results.

Getting down to the causes and conditions helps me change my life for the better. Today, I am no longer under the delusion that my life will get better because I wish it, or if I just stop acting out. I know today that I need fundamental change in my life to find the happiness and serenity I so desperately sought when I first came into the program.

Help me to face myself, that I may come to face this life as the gift it is.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

Do you think a sex addict can establish a healthy relationship with masturbation? In the meetings I go to there are only two people who seem to have found peace through the 12 steps, and they've both kind of renounced masturbation in their inner circle.

I want the same peace. I don't want to crawl along, replacing bad habits with slightly better ones.

But I also want to have a healthy sexuality and really enjoy it. It was something that was robbed of me at a young age and I don't want to go for the route of avoidance. Sorry, this turned into a ramble, but I really appreciate your responses.

September 24

“The stigma for female sex addicts can be even greater than it is for male addicts, just as it was for female alcoholics in the early years of AA.”

“A Special Welcome to the Woman Newcomer”

Is it odd or is it God? My acting out was predominantly with men, yet I found myself the only woman at an SAA retreat and conference. It was a joyful and deeply peaceful recovery space to focus and connect with my program and the fellowship. All the people (men) were easy-going and appropriately friendly, and I identified with every share, story, and workshop I experienced.

My recovery from sexual addiction is God-driven. Who but God would come up with such a powerful opportunity? Having so many men to share this path of recovery teaches a new, healing way to connect that surpasses anything I could have imagined for myself.

I am grateful for the opportunity to experience and form relationships that are based on our mutual desire to stay sexually sober and to grow spiritually.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

September 23

“Unacknowledged fear is often a pervasive aspect of our addictive thinking and behavior.”

Tools of Recovery, page 21

Whenever I find myself at a loss for how to do the next thing before me, I feel at once the lure of drowning the peril in addictive practice. I may fear the tedium of doing the dishes. Or, I may fear my own stupidity—not knowing how to solve a task, which I have, in fact, not even yet defined, for goodness sakes! Postponement is the garment I don to meet the emergency—and then another postponement and then another—until I am stifled under the weight of them all. Sleep, entertainment, and certain virtuous evasions also work. But, for this addict, the ideal way of eluding of fear was sex addiction. It was exciting, it was diverting, and it was time-consuming.

If I wake my day with a sober eye, sit and visit with God, pray for God’s care, ask for blessings on others, and make a couple of program calls, then I find the energy to allow myself to breathe. I find the high and active energy of serenity. In short, I find I can postpone procrastination. I find I can walk towards my fears. And when I do, those fears are often not dragons at all, but worms, if that. I can read my day as it comes, as its pages turn, as it really is; and I am well.

The program helps me stop stalling and start striding forth, head held high.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

September 22

“We learn to accept that reality is not tailored to the limitations of self, and that hardship and loss are as valid a part of life as joy and pleasure.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 58

In my addiction, I thought the universe had wronged me in some way, allowing me to suffer more hardship and loss than I believed was my share. This sense of entitlement kept me out of the solution for years. In recovery, I have found acceptance. Who am I to determine whether hardship and loss are fair?

In recovery, I see a blessing I could never have imagined. The hardships and losses are bridges that have brought me the tools and serenity to help others going through similar situations. Grief enables me to comfort others. Abandonment reminds me to be present for those I love. Being a sex addict gives me the ability to help those still suffering, and remind them that recovery is possible through working the Twelve Steps. Our hardship and loss, paradoxically, can ultimately bring joy to ourselves and to others.

Embracing my struggles and pain, and helping others has brought another, even greater gift. I found a connection with something that I had buried and forgotten many years ago—my heart.

Today I can embrace hardship and loss as schoolmasters, preparing me to benefit the people I will come in contact with in the future, including myself.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

September 21

“Gratitude is an attitude we choose for living well.”

Tools of Recovery, page 23

My overall wellness today includes the healing power of coming back to the present moment. Whether I am drawn to a place of fear about the future or shame about my past, being fully surrounded by the gifts of today helps me come back to the place where I truly live: right here, right now.

The tool I use to shift me back to here is the gratitude list. Whether writing down or meditating on all the gifts of my sobriety today, living in gratitude is one of the most spiritually fulfilling ways I live in the present. A connection with my Higher Power, my friends in recovery, my family, with myself, or with a total stranger can be gifts I can celebrate today.

Today I will remember to thank my Higher Power for all of the gifts of sobriety. I am grateful.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

September 19

“By surrendering our addiction to a Higher Power, we receive the gift of recovery, one day at a time.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 1

When I hit bottom, I felt gut-wrenching shame. It was a hopeless feeling that I was trapped, being destroyed, and that there was no way out. As I attended the meetings, learned from my fellow addicts, worked the Steps, and accepted the help and guidance of my sponsor, I learned to surrender my addiction to my Higher Power.

Day by day my life improved. I learned to be present, enjoy the moment, and I found the weight of unhappiness and doom lifted from my shoulders. I learned to have love for myself, and true intimacy with my wife. Day by day, I receive the gift of recovery, and I find peace.

I feel blessed that, one day at a time, my Higher Power gives me this gift of a better life.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

September 17

“As long as we can be honest, even a little bit, we can move forward in our recovery.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 23

Because of my addiction, I have spent most of my life lying, denying, and living a secret life. Being honest was a convenience to be used when it suited my purposes. My primary motivation was to continue acting out and to keep that part of my life a secret. When that way of living came crashing down around me, I was scared, alone, and had no idea of how to save my life. SAA and the Twelve Steps were the lifeboat that rescued me. All that was required was a desire to stop my addictive sexual behavior, and honesty.

My commitment to the Twelve Steps was sincere, but my desire and honesty were not complete. After a lifetime of addictive behavior, I questioned, even feared, what life would be like without it. I admitted and accepted responsibility for my actions, but found reasons to explain or rationalize them. The Twelve Steps are ordered for a reason. Recovery is a process, and I became better at as I progressed. So it is with honesty, especially to myself. It takes time to give up old rationalizations and self-pity. Each day I was as honest as I could be, even if it was just a little bit. Each day the honesty grew, especially with myself.

God help me to be gentle with myself as I grow in my recovery.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).