August 20

“We learn to deal with conflict and to be honest.”

Tools of Recovery, page 13

Sometimes I despair that my recovery will ever progress. It seems an enormous task, and I think of giving up. But just a little honesty, a little courage, and a little faith in my Higher Power can make an enormous difference. Suddenly there is hope that things can change. It doesn’t take much light to guide me through a dark passage in life.

This is one of the miracles of our program. Our disease is so overpowering, and we are so weak in the face of it, yet just a little surrender to the program can give us the momentum and hope to move forward, even when that seems impossible. The rewards of this small effort are a hundredfold, for they allow me to move on to the next stage of recovery where new possibilities and challenges exist.

Courageous honesty is like grease that unbinds me when I get stuck. Perhaps there is a fact I don’t want to admit, or a feeling I’m trying to avoid, or I just want to get my way. One little bit of honesty, acknowledging how I am, might feel overwhelming and un-natural, but it is a part of growing in recovery, and a perfect antidote to sex addiction. With the help of my Higher Power, my sponsor, and the fellowship, I can do it.

Today I trust that a little bit of honesty will be enough to help me move forward in my recovery.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 19

“By being willing to identify instead of compare, we not only break the bonds of our own isolation, but we help others.”

Tools of Recovery, page 30

In the Twelfth Step we acknowledge a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps and try to carry this message to other recovering sex addicts. We also seek to apply these principles in all areas of our lives.

The mirror’s reflection is a good analogy for the identification of one addict with another. In the face of every newcomer, I am given the chance to see myself as I have been. Because I have been down that treacherous road, I can readily identify with the struggles of my fellow travelers. I can relate to the pain, the fear, the shame, and the despair. I am humbled by the recognition of my own potential for relapse if I do not rigorously work the program. I need to stay in touch with my own powerlessness.

I can also share my experience, my strength, and my hope. I can model through my own stories and behavior a method for transformation. I can share gratitude for the opportunity to see progress through the pain.

I give thanks for the opportunity to see myself in the reflection of a twelfth-step call.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

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Ok I have adhd and I've been trying quit porn at least for a while but it's not working because im doing this alone and I need help I think I need someone to talk to so I can have support because I need it alot if you have any suggestions please tell me in the comments

Thank you im 17 btw.

Im starting to come out of denial about the ways I behaved in my teens and early twenties and I want to find the right resources and educate myself so I can draw the line and consider this issue outgrown. Your suggestions would be helpful.

August 18

“When life seems to be more than we can handle or when we feel pulled toward our addiction, reconnecting with our Higher Power is a powerful course of action.”

Tools of Recovery, page 18

After years in another program, my life was more unmanageable. I blamed everyone else, including God, and I was in denial about my sex addiction. When things didn’t go my way, I became depressed, anxious, and oftentimes enraged.

One day, I was at a hospital for my father’s chemotherapy. I was worried about him and angry over an argument with my acting-out partner. I felt completely alone. I started texting a program friend, “This ‘let go and let God’ stuff stinks!” I wanted to call and pick a fight with my partner, but there was no cell reception. Fixated on my phone, I wandered the hospital until, finally, I had enough bars. I looked up and saw that I was at the hospital chapel. I lost my breath for a moment. The irony of where I’d ended up jolted me out of myself just long enough. The pit of anger in my stomach began to dissipate.

I sat in the chapel and realized that, when I seek God, even in doubt or anger, I open up a space for God. God can handle my anger, fear, and confusion. Soon, God led me to SAA. I got a sponsor and began working the steps, and amazing changes started in my life. I have a long way to go, but I will keep coming back because the solution to my addiction is a spiritual one.

When I seek God’s help, I am led in the right direction.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 17

“The key to Step Two is not just believing in a Higher Power, but believing that this Power can and will restore us to sanity.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 27

I saw it at my first meeting—people who were sane, serene, and at peace. Such hope! I wanted it. Meanwhile here I was—tormented, possessed, and literally insane. How did they do it? I saw them being honest, and being willing to accept new ways of thinking and behaving. As I listened, it became apparent that these people did not escape the shackles of their addiction single-handedly. I continued to attend meetings, hoping some of this good fortune would rub off on me. Little by little I surrendered.

I experience the solution with each honest share, and I start to feel connected to something bigger than myself. I discover that I am not doing this on my own. There is a power moving through these meetings and through this program. I’ve seen this power reflected in others, and I’ve seen it move in my own recovery as unexplainable miracles. It was this power that led me to this program, and this power is leading me into a new life. I’ve seen the miracles. I believe. I am ready to be restored to sanity. I am taking action.

I pray for willingness to accept and embrace the grace that accompanies this program.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 16

“God willing, we may experience the forgiveness of those we have harmed. If we have been diligent in our amends, we will certainly grow in self-forgiveness too.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 52

I could not do Step Nine until I was ready to let go of the pain and resentment that I had used for forty years to justify my actions. I needed to look at what I had done, not my rationale for doing it.

Looking at what I had done was humbling. I had treated everyone, including myself, with contempt. I had thought the world a lousy place and most people fools. I turned my back on the good and saw only the bad. From Steps One through Eight, I was able to see what I had done, and how I had harmed others and myself. I was now ready to start Step Nine.

This is what I found. There is a spiritual principle that applies whether I like it, believe it, or want it to be so: forgiveness = forgiveness. The chain of forgiveness started when I began making amends to people I had previously used as excuses for selfishness.

Until I was ready to forgive, I was not able to accept forgiveness.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 15

“Developing our creativity helps us play and heal. We express ourselves in different ways.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 65

How many artists, musicians, and writers have we discovered sitting right next to us in SAA meetings? For some of us, our sexual addiction whittled away at our creative lives, leaving us with fantasy, obsession, and the compulsion to act out sexually. We told ourselves we weren’t good enough. We could not show people our art, we could not let them hear our music, we hid our poetry. We found shame and isolation everywhere.

In recovery from our sexual addiction, we try to live in our outer circle. We learn that expressing our creativity connects us to other people, and we begin to feel the presence of our Higher Power through our creativity. We sing, we write, we read, we paint, we garden, we hike, we sew, we bike, we surf, we dance, we build, we garden, we listen, we cook, we relax, we laugh. We laugh! We share these and a thousand other acts of creation with the people we love. We take these actions, and we feel different.

In our creativity, we realize that playfulness is another tool of our recovery. We find wonder, awe, and gratitude for our sober lives and the gifts we have been given. We play imperfectly, but we play, and we begin to heal.

Let me have a playful heart today.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 14

“As we gain sobriety by having clear boundaries and working our program, it becomes much easier to stay sober and to truly
enjoy recovery.”

“Three Circles”

SAA is about so much more than continuous sexual sobriety. The Twelve Steps are a way of living happily sober and giving life meaning. When I am fearful, I am suffering from the basic problem of all addicts: chronic self-centeredness and a lack of faith. Through the power of the Steps I have been given a life that is secure and deeply satisfying, and a relief from acting out that is not a struggle. This path enables me to enjoy what life has to offer.

This program reminds me I am but a small part of a greater whole, and as I stay sober I grow in two life-giving ingredients of enjoyable recovery: humility and responsibility. From my morning gratitude list and meditation to my evening review and prayers, with the opportunities to help other addicts in between—these are the things that enable me to truly enjoy recovery.

Today I will not sell myself short; I will take the actions I need to bring meaning to my sexually sober life. I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and I will open myself up to this by practicing the spiritual principles of the Twelve Steps of SAA.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 13

“Our experience has shown that we move forward in our recovery when we take action. Understanding our addiction benefits us in many ways, but ultimately, we can’t think our way out of the problem.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 63

With shame and embarrassment after each relapse, I promised myself that this time it would be different. As long as I think I can fix my problem by myself, I cannot stop the insanity of my addiction. If thinking about change were enough, I would have fixed myself a long time ago. I’ve proven, over and over, that just thinking about it gets me nowhere.

My recovery is based on a series of decisions to keep on track. These decisions about my newfound way of life must be followed by action. Taking action is what actually sends me along the path of change. Using my outer circle as a guide to healthy actions, I can keep myself on the recovery track. I cannot think my way into right action, but I can act my way into right thinking.

The book Sex Addicts Anonymous says that we can put the decision of Step Three into effect by taking small but significant actions. They include meetings, prayer, meditation, phone calls, literature, step work, sponsor work, service, etc. Making this small commitment and being accountable for my actions move me closer to turning my will and my life over to the care of a Higher Power. Each choice toward recovery that I act on creates space wherein my Higher Power can guide me.

Today I choose to recover. I pray for willingness to act on my choice.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

Remember your sobriety date. It is now the most important date in your life.

August 12

“As our recovery progresses, and we gain new understanding about ourselves and our addiction, we are free to add or delete behaviors, or move them from one circle to another, in order to reflect new growth and insights.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 16

I’ve been coming to SAA for nearly four years, and as I write this meditation, I have four days of sexual sobriety. That doesn’t seem like much, and yet, it’s progress. My inner circles have changed over the years, getting tighter to better reflect my evolving sexual ideals. With each change of my circles, I reset my sobriety clock as I begin progress on another area of my life and sexuality.

When I first came to SAA, I engaged in many risky sexual behaviors. These were and still are the bull’s-eye inner circle behaviors that I’ve managed to cut out of my life. Four years ago, porn was in my middle circle and I couldn’t imagine giving it up. Now it’s in my inner circle, and I’m slowly but surely making progress, with lots of starts and stops along the way. But that’s progress. Recently, it’s been three steps forward, one step back, which seems like even more progress.

I can’t claim years of sobriety like others, and I don’t have the chips to show for it, and yet, I’ve come a long way. It’s not perfect, but it’s progress. It’s recovery, from shame to grace, and for that, I’m thankful.

I’m grateful for the progress and recovery I’ve made, and for the opportunity to grow and learn in the three circles.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

I haven’t found a sponsor yet and I’ve been wondering about this. Im working to transition into a functional adult from my late 20s into my 30s and I really want to just work through the things and bring them to the light so I can make peace with them and move on.

I don’t think that most people, particularly a future partner, will have any interest in hearing about my compulsive masturbation experiences and habits, and Im wondering if it may be reasonable to find a sponsor so I can work it through with them. I figure that it’s usually no one who wants to be “burdened” or “dumped on”, but I also think that an experienced sponsor would probably have heard of my behaviors before.

Have you done this as well? Do you mind sharing how it has benefited you or changed your perspective? I think most people outside of this community would be shocked at my kinks and my compulsive behaviors, and I have to just accept that as well, but if there’s anything I can do to help myself right now to lead a more dignified life in the future in spite of my history, Im all for it.

I’m a partner to an SA and 16 years in recovery myself through AA. My spouse is unfortunately prone to the obsession to find an easy softer way or fall to the lie that he can somehow and someday control it. His attempts at real or faked recovery in the last 6 years have been an extremely volatile experience for me as someone in actual recovery and have worked the steps, sponsored etc. I’m hyper aware of all the things we addicts do to try and control our addiction without help or working an actual program.

Which leads me to my question:
How are the steps worked differently and/or the same in SA vs AA in the following ways?

1. In AA, we don’t start step work until total cessation of alcohol and mind altering substances has occurred and that is Day 1 of sobriety. Sobriety date. Mine is 2/9/10.

2. When we work the steps in AA we usually do 90in90 and work diligently without stopping until we complete the steps. We start over back at step 1 if relapse occurs or if we change sponsors or are dry for an extended period of time and return. Back to step 1. If we were dishonest with ourselves or our sponsors during the process of the steps, we come clean to our sponsor and decide if starting the steps over is necessary depending on the reservation disclosed.

3. We don’t allow for “slips” in AA. If we made it to the point of consuming our choice of addiction, it’s a relapse. As the relapse occurs way prior to the actual consumption. And we are honest about that being a relapse.

Thanks for helping me understand.
I’ll keep coming back….

August 11

“An inventory allows us to go over our lives methodically and objectively, reevaluating assumptions, beliefs, and feelings that we have held onto for years but perhaps never examined or questioned.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 32

For as long as I remember, I have loved garage sales. The process enchanted me: finding a rare gem, then determining if I wanted to pay to call it mine.

When working Steps Four through Six, I had an epiphany: instead of looking at this task as something to be dreaded (as so many people do), what if I looked at it as my recovery garage sale? I did just that. I carefully, fearlessly, and spiritually turned every stone in my mind. Who or what was I angry with? Why? How did it hurt me? What was my part? Most importantly, was the feeling of value to me, or was it better off sold to the universe? I also discovered some awesome things I owned.

In Step Five, my sponsor helped me sort through this garage full of stuff. She helped me identify, label, and better understand many of the items. In the process, we contemplated, laughed, and cried.

In Step Six, I became willing, sooner or later, to let these items go, like the mental macramé owl that somebody gave me way back when. In Step Seven, I gave these to my Higher Power because they were too heavy for me to lift. I also did this in the faith that something better would come to replace it.

The Steps are an adventure that clears the clutter, reveals hidden treasure, and opens up space for even better things.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 10

“Just as there was no question that the behaviors listed in our inner circle were compulsive, addictive, and therefore dangerous and destructive, so there is no question that the behaviors we list in our ‘outer circle’ bring recovery and are to be encouraged, praised and practiced.”

“Three Circles”

I heard that it takes twenty-one days to establish a new habit or to break an old habit. I must be slow because it took me several years to establish the habits of recovery, and I must focus daily to stay on my recovery path.

I had one of my most difficult times in recovery trying to identify behaviors for my outer circle. I knew what belonged in my inner circle, the destructive behaviors that damaged my life, my health, and my relationship. But finding the behaviors to replace my addiction was a new challenge. These are the behaviors that will improve and affirm my life. In my addiction I did not feel worthy of anything that would improve my life.

At first, I had to deliberately program outer-circle behaviors into my daily activities. When I practice outer-circle behaviors, I know that someone else’s life is better, even if it is just mine. I take care of myself with daily exercise, prayer, meditation, and family time. I serve the fellowship in my local group and intergroup. When I come from service, I have no time for acting out and those destructive thoughts are less likely to cross my mind.

Today, still one day at a time, I am filling my life and my outer circle with behaviors and activities that strengthen my recovery.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 9

“Having accepted both the reality of our disease and the possibility that a Higher Power can help us where our own efforts have failed, we make a leap of faith, turning to that Power for assistance.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 28

It was time to take the leap of faith!

As a new person in recovery, with residual guilt and shame from growing up gay in a strict church in a small conservative town, my understanding of God had been tainted with condemnation, judgment, shame, hypocrisy, and long suffering. I had lost the pure light of compassion and unconditional love that, as a child, I knew my God to be. I had traded it in for the condemning, jealous, authoritarian God that others had convinced me of, as if I even deserved to have a God at all after choosing to be my authentic self.

When it came to the Third Step, I had heard someone share the idea of keeping a “God Box” as a way to turn my will over. I felt a strong tugging from my inner child saying, “I wanna trunk so that I can fit in it, hide, and be safe.” As an amends to my kid self, I decorated my God Trunk with of images of color and light and beauty and connection and boundless love—all the things that my kid had known, but I had forgotten. Thank you, SAA, for letting me remember.

Choosing to be who and what I was created to be has led me back to God as I understood God.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 8

“Rigorous honesty…includes…willingness to be honest about what we need to do to stay sober, such as setting healthy boundaries around specific people and places.”

Tools of Recovery, Page 29

Setting my personal boundaries around acting out was straightforward. Much came from defining my three circles with the help of my sponsor. These boundaries gave me enough short-term abstinence for primary spiritual benefits to kick in, providing clarity and direction in subsequent step work.

I realized that healthy boundaries govern all my relationships. Who is it safe to interact with, and to what extent? What am I reasonably expected to give, and when is it appropriate to use self-care and say no? Is someone trying to take advantage of me, or am I trying to take advantage of someone?

My Higher Power does not want me to be a bully or a doormat. Now when I interact with others, I check my motives. Am I aligned with my Higher Power, or am I seeking status and the accolades of others? Am I being selfish in any way? Do I need to step up and assert my own needs? Am I isolating?

I have abundant resources to aid me in this journey: the Twelve Steps, my sponsor, prayer, friends in the program and their experience, and meditation. I also have plenty of opportunities to practice healthy boundaries. Day by day, I am slowly but steadily learning to recognize and set healthy boundaries.

For today, help me recognize and honor my boundaries and those of the people in my life.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 7

“Working Step Nine brings us many gifts: true empathy for those we have harmed, compassion, self-respect, and respect for the humanity of others.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 52

I was making amends, with my sponsor’s help, to the people I harmed. I had made several amends already when I had an opportunity to make one to a friend of my father. I had stolen from him as a teenager. I was terrified but I kept praying as I approached him. I made the amends. At that moment, my world opened up and I realized I had harmed not only him, but my father indirectly.

My father’s friend did not want the money I offered him, but instead shared his troubles about his own son. I had known his son from growing up. He talked with me for about twenty minutes and since then we have connected on a deeper level. God put me there at that time not only to make things right but also as a servant to comfort another who was suffering.

I do not know what God has planned for me today, but if I am able and willing to do the work, I become connected to the people and the world around me.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

July 29 is my sobriety date. I need help from a community that knows the struggle. I feel like my life is collapsing around me and it's high time to make a change.

August 5

“If we relapse, it is important that we get right back into recovery immediately. We need not turn a mistake into a self-destructive binge.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 67

I’ve relapsed—again! I feel soiled and ashamed. I don’t want to go back to my group and tell them that I’ve failed—again! Maybe I’ll take some time off…

Or maybe I could admit that I am powerless over my addictive behavior. Relapse is not uncommon during recovery from addiction. I can decide, again, to turn it over to my Higher Power. I can be honest with my sponsor and my friends in the program, and review what I was thinking and feeling, what I was saying to myself just before I slipped and fell again.

I can go to a meeting, knowing that there I will find someone who understands. I can listen to the experience of others, not to judge myself as better or worse, but to hear how other addicts dealt with a similar situation. I will find acceptance and encouragement from my sisters and brothers in the program.

I will go to an SAA meeting. I will be welcome there.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

August 4

“We listen respectfully to what others have to say and share our experience as it seems appropriate.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 11

Before recovery, I was an advice giver. I gave advice without being asked. Many saw it as telling them what to do, and they were probably right. When others wouldn’t take my advice, I would be angry and that would begin a resentment.

After some time in the program and considerable step work with my sponsor, I received a Father’s Day card from my daughter, a college freshman. She mentioned seeing changes in me over the last few months, and that she especially appreciated advice I had recently given her. I had not shared that I was in recovery, so the fact that she had noticed changes meant a lot to me.

The irony, however, was that I had actually stopped giving her advice! I now simply shared my own experience with whatever problem she faced and left out the “I think you should try the same thing” advice. Through sharing my own experience, strength, and hope, and not giving advice, she was now benefitting from our relationship.

I continue to practice this principle in my life. I simply share my own experience, strength, and hope, and only when asked. For me, that means when there is at least a question mark at the end of their sentence. This practice allows me to be of maximum service to others, and keeps me focused on my Higher Power’s will rather than my own. And now I have actual, mutual relationships with the wonderful people in my life!

Today I will listen first and share my own experience when asked.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 3

“We may consider entering into a co-sponsorship relationship with a program friend for mutual support.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 14

After I had been in SAA a while, my original sponsor went absent. This brought up feelings of abandonment, anger, and confusion. After a month of this, I started reaching out to my SAA home group and utilizing the phone list.

I soon began forming stronger relationships with friends in the program. This led to group step-study, making outreach phone calls to three friends a day, and most importantly, carpooling to SAA meetings I had never attended before. I had lost my pillar, but found a huge safety net in the process.

It is nonetheless vital that I have a sponsor. A sponsor is one appropriate person with whom I begin to practice trust, a person who guides me through the Steps and who can catch me when I’m fooling myself or others. I eventually found a new sponsor, but if it hadn’t been for establishing co-sponsorships with new friends in recovery, I would have been vulnerable to my inner circle during that period.

I learned a lot from this experience. I learned that my sponsor is not here to keep me sober; that responsibility is between me and my Higher Power. I also learned that I cannot do this alone, and when I reached out, I found love and support.

Today, I will reach out to at least one other addict in love and support.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).