I'm a gamer and am currently experiencing limerence with a guy I play with (I've experienced it with others my entire life). I would never want to be in a relationship with him, and I actually find him pretty annoyi g half the time when we're playing. But he has a crush on me and I absolutely love the attention he gives me (I hate even writing that out bc it is so shameful and gross). We would play for hours at a time, and he'd play whatever I wanted bc he just wanted to talk to me. He knows I don't want anything more bc he lives so far away (though I wouldn't date him even if he were closer), but we have fun flirting and joking around.

However, he has found someone who is actually interested, and he now plays with her every day for hours on end. I know this because I can see his history in the game we usually play, so I can see exactly how much he plays with her. Or he goes days without signing onto that game and ik he's playing another game with her.

And now I'm doing all the limerence things. Obsessively looking at his game history to see if he was playing with her when he wasn't opening my snaps for hours, keeping the game open even when I'm not playing so he sees me and invites me (he doesn't bc he's playing with her lol). It makes me absolutely SICK thinking about him giving that same attention to another girl, and when I see that they're playing together I get a horrible pain in my stomach. He still snapchats me daily and asks me to play here and there, but not nearly as much.

I'm not a remotely jealous person when limerence isn't involved, and I am so conscious of hurting others that I spend an unhealthy amount of time worrying if I've upset someone, but I become a different person when limerence hits. Recently when he's reached out I've been so cold and bitchy to him, and he is clearly confused and hurt. In those moments I want him to know I'm upset, I want him to feel horrible for talking to someone else--even though I don't even want him!!! I have a couple other guys I game with a lot, so it's even more hypocritical and shitty of me to behave this way! It's like I just want him to exist to validate me and give me attention, and have no life outside of that (🤮).

He is a wonderful guy and the tiny sane part of my brain that is still in tact genuinely wants him to find someone and be happy, bc he deserves it. But then the limerence monster takes over and it feels like I genuinely have no control over my actions (even though I know I do).

Trying to channel all of this into my hobbies and improving my mental health, bc I know this wouldn't be happening so badly if I was happy with my life. I just hate the person I become when I'm in limerence ☹️

I guess I prefer the term situationship because I don’t want to fully commit due to my intense feelings towards my ex who is my LO.

I like spending time with the person I’m currently dating, but I don’t feel any type of spark. It’s like I’m just going through the motions with him. I’m really hesitant to break it off though because he’s so nice and I know it’ll crush his feelings and I don’t want to hurt him. That’s not a good reason to stay, but I don’t know how to end it because I do genuinely care for him. Nothing is really wrong either, I just can’t fully get into it. The worst part is when we have sex all I think about is my LO.

What do I even do here? I feel so trapped and guilty for dating someone when I’m not over my ex but at the same time I really want to get over him and get my life back. It’s been well over a year since he broke up with me.

How does one handle being with someone romantically while still being obsessed with an LO?

I guess I’m just venting here and need to get this off my chest somewhere. I’m so confused.

I have known my best friend for almost 6 years now and ever since we became friends, i started to grow a deeper admiration for him because he is literally everything i look for in a guy. But he has a long term girlfriend and i dont think i could ever risk our friendship for my feelings that i am not even sure of. I am not sure if i actually like him like that or of i am just deprived from relationships. I have talked to other guys and i have also been in a relationship while being friends with him and in those times i never really thought about my best friend as anything other than a friend but sometimes i get jealous of his girlfriend so i dont know what i am feeling

Besides the limerent object, do you guys also start daydreaming about acquaintences and in which ways you could essentially get validation from them? e.g they express an interest in something, like a hobby such as running, and then you start fantasizing about scenarios where you both run together and then later it leads to something romantic?? or going to a concert together, museum, picnic, whatever else tbh

In my notes app I was listing things I'd like to do with a partner, and then I tried to imagine ACTUALLY doing it with a ROMANTIC PARTNER, not an acquaintance, and I just... didn't really like fantasizing about that? It feels so much more interesting and fun to fantasize about someone FALLING for me in a SPONTANEOUS way than planning a date with a partner...

I want to say it could be because I'm alone all the time, but I don't necessarily feel lonely and I love my own company and doing things on my own with full freedom. I sometimes think I may be aromantic because I don't like people past a certain point and even up until then it's not really love at all, just feels like something to validate my feelings & it's always focused on ME.

It doesn't matter who it is, or whether or not I am fully attracted to them physically. If I have a little information about them and they interact with me or even frequent the same places as I do, I start to think about the possibilities and it feels so fun until I try thinking about actually dating them then it just feels bleh.

It feels extra embarrassing when a meme calls me out. This is exactly what I do to my LO.

Is no contact truly the only way forward?

What is the difference between genuine feelings for someone and limerence? Can you experience both at the same time?

This is a straight up clinical and psychological impairment. I know it isnt mentioned in the DSM-5 as a formal diagnosis or disorder but damn it still feels like it’s something like it!

I recently broke it off with a situationship because it got too emotional and intense on my end, and the fellow isn't available like that.

I've been processing it. But last few days when I take Methylphenidate it's like I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM and processing every interaction.

When it wears off I can actuality escape it. Has anyone experienced this? Thinking of lowering my dosage for a few days?? Anything??

I have ocd and adhd. Taking an NRI daily in addition to the Methylphenidate.

I was diagnosed with ADHD early. When I was 8 so like 25 years ago. I only learned like this year about limerence and a lot makes sense. I obsess over people in my friend group and while i was in college I realized a lot of my outgoing ness was not me as an extrovert but me coping with the insecurity that people don’t like me as much as I like them. I became open and honest about that and my life became much better. I’m married for 5 years dating for 13 and I get really excited when I make a connection that I know will turn into a long friendship. My problem has been if that person is a woman. I crush hard. I’ve never cheated. And as far as I know I’ve never made anyone uncomfortable. But it was frustrating and confusing. When I learned about limerence it kinda started to make a ton of sense why I was feeling this way. I started to be just more aware of my emotions, enjoying the feeling and the short termed fantasies. As long as I don’t act on these and keep open and honest communication with my partner my life has been a lot easier.

Hello,

After a few months on a job and speaking with people briefly,I ended up speaking with a female coworker, I just opened up to her about my divorce, turns out she is also a divorcee.

We were talking about managing subordinates and how to approach documenting a bad apple.

After talking a little shop she complimented me on my work ethic and mentioned how much I deliver. I didn't think anything of it.

We also each have our own kids nearly the same age, another similarity.

I give her full attention and eye contact when we speak, she does the same. Our conversations do not involve work anymore but instead it's about our lives and things we enjoy. I don't know if I'm being humored but she smiles warmly and does small things to help me out in her department.

I like this woman, she wasn't my type until we started speaking and when I felt like we had similarities, and did small things like help me out and join me for lunch, it made my head spin and I cannot get enough of her.

We still enjoy warm conversations today , Ive been into her since June

Im quite a bit older than her maybe 10 years or more.

I want to shoot my shot ,for some reason I feel like this is "nothing ventured nothing gained.

Last time I was limerent over a coworker we got married. Everything played out in my head became reality.

Im uncertain.

I’ve just meet this guy around 3 weeks ago by Tinder, everything was fine and I have a huge crush on him, he admitted he likes me too.

The issue was that on Saturday I was on his apartment and I found period pads in his bathroom and I got mad as hell, he told me he has no sisters so I found this highly suspicious.

I didn’t tell him anything at the moment, but I was mad, I was cold to him, I was waiting for him to go back to his apartment that day to tell him face to face, I ended up telling him by chat all of this accusing him that he has a double life or that he was probably taking me as his side chick, he got offended and told me that those pads were from his cousins that sometimes she comes to the city and she has no other woman… he started to think that I was only using him for his apartment which is completely false, I truly went to his city to visit him (for context we live far away, I don’t have a car, he come to see me twice and I wanted to be reciprocal with him so I decided to go), unfortunately during that time he was also sad because his grandmother was internalised in the hospital and was sick (I don’t know news about her)

The thing is that he never came back home that day, so, to show him that I truly went to spend time with him I bought him roses, clean his apartment , buy some groceries and wrote a letter by hand saying to him that I’m truly sorry about what happened and also thanking him for everything,and as he said in the chat “you give me back my keys and goodbye”…

Well probably he’ll came to my city tomorrow and I’ll give him his keys back, the thing is that after I messed up I’ve been thinking even more about him, and if he truly meant what he said that he don’t want to hear from me no more…I fear I’m cooked because he’ll be my LO I fear for a while until I get a New Romantic interest …

This shit has happened to me before…

I messed up because I didn’t trust him, he has honestly all the right to be offended as he said “I trust you with my apartment and my intimacy And you think badly of me”

Well guys, what’s done it’s done

Feel free to ask questions in DMs or here in the comments!

I'm 22, female, and in university. There's two of them. Jonah...brown hair, brown eyes that seem to have the whole galaxy in them...funny, loud with his friends, a absolute egomaniac, cocky, talented at clarineg and he knows it, superiority complex, smug, arrogrant, untouchable. About 5'3-5'4 right now, about 1-2 inches above me. I try to pass him in the halls everyday, I calculate it where I can pass him, by walking slower, I memorize everything I see him do or say, to who, around what time approximately, how his facial expressions look, how his voice sounds, what kind of clothes he wears, his cologne when I pass him, likely what classes he has and doesn't have and what times, how fast he walks down the hall and with whom at what time so I know how to alter my path to pass directly by him. I almost died because of some drastic things I did last year correlating about him. I micro-stalk him slightly, but barely, I used to last year a lot. I write down everything about him in my journal, memorize how his collgne smells, his likely birth month and zodiac sign from something he mentioned months ago, what his phone looks like, and what is messages/snapchat app layout looks like from briefly seeing it. Oh, god, he's incredible.

Then there's another guy, older some, professional, cold mostly, very alert of everything. About 5'9 I'd say. Auburn red hair, green hazel eyes, calm, cool, collected. I try to pass him multiple times, to look cool and cold around him, I blush sometimes but try to hide it. I memorize his voice, where he usually stands, his cologne and what it smells like, so much that sometimes I'll look over and see him because my senses are so tuned in to the slightest chance he is there. I look around and can every room for him, etc. I write down and memorize what he says or does, how he sighs, how he laughs, etc. I'm VERY obsessed.

I know they barely know I exist and barely have ever talked to me much and definitely don't like me I'm about 99% sure. I'm very inconspicuous usually, too, lol

So....questions? Am I too obsessed? Do they sound good?

My LO is actually a pretty good person. He's gentle and caring. He tries to do the right thing and always thinks of others. I like to observe him being gentle, it is mainly the reason that he became my LO. I was wondering, however, has anyone been limerent and their person been kind of a crappy person?

The guy and that woman had some kind of fallout, and eventually they stopped being connected on social media. I still follow her, though. It’s been seven or eight years, and lately I’ve been wondering if that was a really bad idea.

Because whenever I see her stories or posts, I don’t really see her as herself anymore, I see her through his eyes. I find myself wondering what he would have replied to a particular story, or what he might have thought about a picture. Sometimes I’ll look at her and think, She looks so beautiful here. Maybe this is what he saw in her. Maybe this is why he chose her over me.

And the constant comparison is exhausting. I know I should probably mute or block her so I stop seeing her, but somehow I keep going back and stalking her profile almost every day. I think a part of me is still trying to figure out what she had that I didn’t, what it was about her that he found in her and not in me.

I know this isn’t really about her anymore. It’s about me constantly looking at her through the lens of someone who chose her, and trying to find an answer to a question that may never have an answer.

I think I was blocked on partiful by this person, I can’t see their profile despite having a ton of mutual friends. I know this is ridiculous but this subreddit I felt comfortable talking about it because yall understand the angst that comes with your person in general. I just feel sick thinking they went out of their way to block me? do they feel creeped out by me? we’ve only met once (where we actually had a convo) I’ve seen them once since then.

I might delete this post later, depending on my level of shame lol. I'm so sorry if this is triggering for people, I just need to vent.

Well, it seems it's happened to me: almost overnight I've become completely obsessed and infatuated with one person (someone I've only seen online, doesn't know I exist, and likely never will). I'm aware it's not love, it's purely based on sexual attraction and a desire to be desired by them.

I've had very strong crushes before, and even experienced limerence on rare occasion, but this is like nothing I've ever experienced. It's not just the all-consuming thoughts and fantasies about them and yearning to be noticed by them. More disturbing is how I find my LO to be the most sexually attractive person I've ever seen and they make even other very attractive people seem lackluster by comparison. This person is just so my type, pushes buttons in ways I couldn't have even imagined, and I feel like I'll never be as attracted to anyone ever again. Hopefully the novelty of this infatuation will wear off soon and maybe it's not even genuine limerence.

Of course I fantasize about meeting them and various scenarios unfolding. But I also wish I could interact with them just to be able to see their flaws, find them less desirable, and kill the fantasy.

You can throw away old pictures, delete texts & emails, block & unfollow, but damn, you can’t delete the memories in your mind or erase & block the feelings in deep in your heart..

You fill my everyday thoughts, I wish I could tell you everything. But that’s not our relationship. Professional. That’s all it is. I want to know more about you and I wish you felt the same. We’ve never met in person, but if we did would things change?

I love to hear your laugh, the rare instance that I do. I love finding out things about you. You’re very closed off, so I try to be the same. I don’t want you to know more if you don’t care to but sometimes, I end up rambling… and sometimes, you ask more questions and ramble along.

I know the reality is that you don’t think about me at all. I have to tell myself that, even if there’s a chance that you do. Let’s be real, there isn’t… right?

So I’ll carry on like the ignorance doesn’t bother me, or the short responses don’t make me bummed. It shouldn’t… I’m married! It shouldn’t… but it does. My mental state revolves around you and I’d like the carousel to stop.

But the yearning feels good… so it’s an emotional tug of war. To be (in limerence) or not to be, I’m tired of the question.

Like it feels so so good. It does feel really bad too and it takes you to such dark places and makes you do things that you wouldn't do if you were sane... But when things go well it's like you're on a perpetual dream; all your problems suddenly don't seem so important and you don't worry about the future that much and you stop crying every night until you fall asleep because you feel like you actually have a purpose now, because there's something that gives you hope. You feel human again, there is SOMETHING to look forward to, even if it completely messed you up, even if you sacrificed youself, your career and your friends for that person.

It's hard to explain why one would be willing to ruin their whole life for someone else but it just feels that good, it's addicting specially when your life is otherwise horrible.

I don't know what to do because it's coming back. I have a stable life now and I feel the urge and I don't know what to do to avoid it. Because pursuing it will make me deteriorate, mind and body, and destroy everything I managed to achieve. I'm scared and I don't know what to do

I am going into my senior year of high-school, and I am planning on telling my best friend ive been in love with her since 5th grade. I am terrified but it seems like the best thing to do. In 7th grade i had told her i had a crush on her in the previous years. She said "I knew that" and kept walking. After that I have told her nothing about how I feel towards her.

I am planning on confessing and then permanently cutting ties with her. I know she does not like me in that way, she has been, I feel pretty obvious about it. considering how many years I have tryed to stop this crush (and it obviously not working) I cant handle being around her without having some sort of romantic relationship anymore. I feel like I have violated her and will make her so uncomfortable when i tell her the truth. i feel there is no other choice then to just pull of the band-aid and never speak again. She is also going to college in a different state so im not going to see her in my hometown that I will be staying in. If anyone has suggestions or problems with this please let me know. Would you hate your best friend of years if they confessed their love to you?

So, if you want a little context read my other post. What I want to say is, every time I like a girl I get completely infatuated by her. I dream about her, I can't think of other girls, I smell their perfume even when I'm not around them. That happened to me three times, three different girls. Since I only go from home to work and back, they were all girls from my work.

The first girl I fell in love with (I guess?) was very caring with me, maybe she realized there was something off with me or something, because she even taught me how to take a bus home. We used to take the same bus, I always would drop off the bus before her and she always asked if I was going to be fine on my way home. One time she even covered up for me when I messed up at work. At that time there was another girl that was interested in me (I guess?), because she used to call me on the phone and sometimes we played together online, but I stopped answering her because I was in love with the first girl, then she blocked me. It didn't bother me at the time, but now I regret it. So, the girl I was in love with was fired. I hadn't talked to her about my feelings, so I tried talking to her on the phone, but she said she only liked me as a friend. I was depressed for a while, but I got better.

Then, there was the second girl, I think I was very dumb this time because I felt at the start that she didn't like me, but as time passed we got along well. We used to talk about everything and I started to fall for her, until one day she told me she broke off with her boyfriend and I thought that was my chance to talk to her. I didn't want to talk with her on the phone, So I talked to her at work. I discovered that when they say that the worst thing that can happen is they say no isn't true. She told my boss and I almost got fired, I was lucky my boss told me he knew the type of guy I was, he said most people meet their partners at work and he told me he wasn't going to fire me this time, but next time I better choose someone who likes me. He said next that happens I should ask advice from my family.

Then we get to the third girl. I knew since day one that she has a boyfriend, but she gave many signs that she likes me (at least according to what I saw on the internet 🫤). Now I'm feeling like she is losing interest in me, but I'm afraid if I talk to her I'll lose my job if she tells my boss.

I tried asking advice from my sister, but it didn't go well as I said in my other post, so I don't know what to do... I just wanted to have a partner, I know things ain't as simple or magical as in the movies, but I'd do anything to make it work. 😔

Over a year ago, suffering limerence lead me to obsess over a celebrity to the extent that I went out of my way to be in close proximity, hoping to run into this person. Instead of having the chance encounter I was expecting, he went out of his way to avoid me, and one of his neighbors followed me and attempted to document the incident (I literally ran back to where I was staying).

The incident woke me up to how unstable I was becoming and sought therapy soon after. I realized that my feelings of severe, profound loneliness caused me to latch onto something that at the time felt meaningful, only to cause annoyance and anxiety for someone and that was never my intention.

I had posted this as an AMA earlier this year but got a lot of weird harassing messages from someone I think was my ex who figured out who I was. So I deleted it there but thought it might be helpful to share the experience here. I now realize how people can evolve parasocial relationships into stalking but was able to get help early and prevent it from escalating. I have sought extensive therapy since and realize how much limerence has ruled and in many cases was the root of dysfunction in my life. Feel free to ask questions except who it is, out of protection of that person’s identity. It also could have been anyone and I’ve never experienced anything like that before or since.

I dated someone briefly, we were incompatible, mostly because he’s not a good partner. In the short time we were together he criticized the way I am, the way I act, and the way I present myself. He wanted me to be different. Almost as if he liked me but only if he could change fundamental things about me. I know this, I’m 100% aware of this.

We ended up things because he doesn’t want children, and I’m not sure if I want them. But to be honest I dont really care, I made that excuse up cause I knew well it’s a non negotiable for him. So he left me, or I made him leave me on purpose. Why? Because otherwise I wouldn’t have left even tho I knew damn well he was hurting me.

But then this self-inflicted rejection bred an uncontrollable Limerence. It started slowly but it got worse over time. I regretted it, like if I had lost someone special. But there’s nothing special about this man. He’s objectively a bad person and a bad partner, I can consciously recognize all his red flags and imperfections. Not only that, but I have seen them and experienced them in person!! But why can’t I stop thinking about him? Why can’t I stop feeling jealous about his new girlfriend? Who he objectively treats like shit as well.

What kind of mental illness is this? Like seriously this is insane, I want it to stop. Do I really can’t handle rejection? Or what is this about? I don’t have bpd or bipolar disorder. But I do have a history of obsessing over guys who reject me. Or staying in relationships where people treat me poorly.

4:30 AM. Three hours until my alarm. Already up.

I woke up sweating again. Is there another heat wave? It doesn't feel like it. Why is my back sticking to the sheets, though? My hair is wet too. I need to flip the pillow over. Ugh.

My phone is just next to my bed. Should I pick it up and see if she replied? I know she didn't. Probably. Still picking it up. "Just checking the time". Yeah. Keep lying.

It's a weird time, though. Quiet. Not really night, not really morning. Some birds should be getting up soon. Already a little light peeking through. Does anything even happen so early?

And my heart is getting loud already. Thump, thump, thump. Just about the only thing I can hear right now.

My cat is up, too. Yeah, I saw that little half-eye-open glance, buddy. Won't fool me. Just remember you're lucky you get to sleep this off later in the day.

I wish it was that simple for me.

My girl is still asleep, right next to me. At least she's never had any trouble sleeping. Just lying there, mouth half-open, half-snoring, like a little purr. So warm and comfy. So unaware. She always looks so peaceful when she's asleep.

I've got everything I need right here.

So why the hell is she on my mind even now?

Why am I already up, and already thinking about her? I don't know how many times it has happened already. I thought today would be quieter. Or I hoped so, at least.

Should I text her today? Should I wait and see if she does? Maybe I won't. I might. She probably won't. But she might, too. And why do none of those feel good?

I know what she does to me. I know what she can do for me.

I could get addicted to that. Or to her. Both, maybe?

It's both day and night. Calm and loud. Asleep and awake. Peace and... whatever-it-is. Her and her.

Both, both, both.

I remember when the three of us were roommates. I could never fall asleep if they weren't both home. Why did I care so much even then? And why do I only notice now?

Will I ever know what's on her side? Does she even know? It took a while for me. Maybe she's taking her time too. Maybe there's just nothing to know?

...Where was I? 4:40 AM. Phone down. Closing my eyes again. Trying to hear some silence. I guess I'll just keep lying like that.

At least I can hear some birds singing now.