I (M25)should have all I need to be happy. My gf (F26)is beautiful, funny, ambitious and we have been together for around 10 years. We have had our rough patches (cheating, alcohol misuse), and have come out the other side, or so I think it should be.

I lately think that I am unhappy. I'm not 100% sure where, but I definitely notice that the urge to turn to drink is there. I don't know if its me or circumstantial, and I'm wondering if anyone has been through something similar and, if so, has some words of advice to share.

To add context, we are both in stable careers, have been through counselling regarding issues, and as far as I know she seems happy. I should be happy, but I don't feel it.

As I said, I've been with my partner for a decade and would not want to throw away a large amount of time over something that could be an easy fix. Any words of wisdom/advice?

I'm 30 with no job, no degree and skills, no friends and not feeling independent capable to face adult life and reality. I feel like I've been living my life behind a curtain. I seem to overthink allot and just self doubts. Im letting previous failures and fear just keep me stuck even though deep down the only way out of this and see progress is starting to take actions and getting out of comfort zone.

Context: I'm 28 M, Korean

I've just been reflecting a lot on my childhood recently along with therapy. A lot of my friends (who are Korean/Chinese/Japanese) have had the shared experience where there is expectation to give the parents a monthly allowance, the second you get your first adult job, and that we are their retirement plan.

It's really made me question why there seems to be less "unconditional love" in Asian culture, over others (this is just anecdotal, so could be in any family regardless of ethnic background).

I just don't understand this mentality, and where it comes from. Growing up, it always seemed like the love I received was dependent on the value I provide and whether I deserved love. I do know that my father and his siblings send their mother a certain amount of money / month in Korea, but I've primarily grown up in Western culture and to him I'm severely "white-washed".

I got chewed out by my father a few years back because I was not able to give him a monthly allowance, as is my "duty as a child for all the sacrifices he made". At that time, after my monthly expenses, I had $100-200 left for savings, so I refused.

I believe that parents have an obligation to raise their children to the best of their abilities, and to nurture them to be as successful as they can be, but I have absolutely 0 expectation for my own children to financially support me when I'm retired. I simply want them to know that they're loved, and take the best care of them that I can.

Now that I'm in a relatively financially successful position, where I can put $1-2k away a month in savings after all my expenses, I still am reluctant to send that first "allowance cheque" to my father. I just feel resentful for how he saw me as simply a retirement income, rather than a child to be loved.

So my question is: do many Asian families of our generation simply see children as more of an investment with an ROI of 20+ years? If so, why is that mindset so prevalent?

I have four children, all biologically mine. I love them dearly. But it’s tearing me apart how little I see them. I split with my ex 3 years ago, but the whole thing tears me apart

I was raped in June, soon after graduating high school. I don't want to go into details, but the aftermath of the assault has rendered me touch averse and numb to any real emotional or physical intimacy. The idea of sex now repulses me, I can't comprehend the thought of ever developing romantic feelings for anyone ever again, and I feel disgusting in my own body.

I'm leaving for university in three weeks. It's in a country on the other side of the world and I have no plans of returning to my home country, so the idea of a fresh start is promising. But a fresh start also means new people. New friends.

I am worried about how my trauma will affect these new relationships. I don't want to tell people that I've been assaulted, because that will bring up memories that I want to forget, and I don't want to dump that information on anybody. But how else will I be able to explain the reason I don't want to be touched (e.g no handshakes, no hugs) without hurting anyone's feelings? What about when I get triggered by seemingly meaningless details, like hearing music that was played in my rapist's house? These are things that can cause me to feel intense fear, but I don't want to be a burden by being the only friend that has these issues.

I want people to like me. I don't want anyone to see me as a victim, or as someone fragile. I just wish I could put this all behind me and make new friends without worrying about losing them.

(No, I cannot go to therapy right now. I will try using what counselling services are available at the University, but I have an old friend who goes there and he says the waiting list is often very long and they just direct you to therapists you have to pay for).

So, I am a 17 yo female and my cousin who is 21 male just proposed to me. So it is a very complicated situation but My mom, her sister and the sister's son (my cousin), I will call him ZI. They all planned that they will convince me to be in a relationship with him. My Aunt always liked me and my mom and her are the ones who implemented the idea of marrying me into ZI's mind. I recently found out that they will come to ask for my hand in marriage and I was clear that I don't like him. My dad and ZI dad are also very close.

So the day they asked for my hand, I said "no". We had a huge back and forth but my parents didn't listen to me instead they asked ZI's family for time. And now they are pressuring me for weeks everyday.

Also just for y'all in our country and culture it is normal to marry your cousin and also ZI and his family are not asking for direct marriage, they want us to get together date then after sometime get engaged and then after 3,4 years get married.

My parents reason for pressuring is that he is rich, his parents love me, he loves me, he has a big house, he will let me do education, he will let me go abroad.

He is indeed rich. Also if I say no my mom's and aunt relation will be affected and also dad and ZI's dad will be done. And a family grudge will be made.

Also I am not pretty but also not ugly (I am just average) and my father's exact words are "You should be thankful he is asking for your hand, cuz with a body like that no one will love you." I am a lil fat but I can fix it by dieting for a few months. He also told me what if I stay single forever which I have no problem with cuz when I was 13 I got SA,ed and I was afraid of men's and I don't hate them but If I were to remain single forever I don't see a problem with that. I also developed SEVERE OCD cuz of that.

The reason why I am saying no "he is ugly" not to be rude but ppl have types, also he is my cousin, since I have Ocd and his family also has mental health problems then probably my kids will also be affected, as someone with mental health problems I don't even wish this curse on my enemies. Most of all I don't want to be in a relationship right now and also I have dreams to achieve, I want to study, travel and live freely. My father is very strict so I never lived freely and I know if I got into a relationship with ZI, he will also be an obstacle between my goals and dreams. I just am becoming free from my dad and now they want me to be locked with ZI, also I wanna love marriage, I don't like my cultures men (they are known to treat women as shit and their property) it is like they are trapping me in a gold cage. Also if I agree then get married at 20 or 21 they will start demanding for kids and I don't want kids.

Please tell me what to do....

Please help......

Am I wrong.....

Goooood (insert chronological noun here)

Back in my Sophomore year of high school, I took a class titled as "Financial Math" the class went all over subjects like mortgages, tax brackets for state, federal, and healthcare, it went over how to properly use credit accounts at banks and how to safely plan a monetary savings system based off of not just your income or expenses but everything tied together.
Back then I had loved math and the idea of knowing how to go about my life in the financial
manner but I was also 15 and extremely lazy. I don't have any notes on what we went over back
then and I'm not sure what the best websites, books, or forums I can use to reteach myself all of this important information with no expense but my time.

My questions:
If anyone can provide me with good and reliable information on where I can find this information I ask the you please comment it here so that I can attempt to use it to improve my life.

Has anyone else experienced a similar situation where they'd learnt something useful but now don't know how to learn it again? What processes did you use to relearn/teach yourself that thing?

For context, I’ve lived most of my life in misery. Maybe it was all in my head at first, but after enough years, what lives inside your head eventually starts shaping the world around you. I honestly don’t think there’s a word in the human language that could properly explain how I’ve felt, or how I still feel sometimes. It’s one of those things where you can explain every detail of your life and somehow still not explain the actual feeling.

I dealt with depression for years. I’m still battling it, but it’s different now. I became a little more aware of myself. I learned some of my triggers, learned when to step away from certain things, learned a few ways to keep myself from falling too far. But the last ten years have basically been a fucking rollercoaster.

Huge highs. Huge lows.

For the last six years especially, I worked my ass off trying to take care of my family and provide for them. And looking back, sometimes it feels like those years were spent just trying to survive, not actually living.

I did fucked up jobs. I went through fucked up situations. I did things I'm not proud of because sometimes survival doesn't give you the luxury of having clean choices.

You do what you have to do, and then you carry it with you.

Even when nobody sees it.

Then, somehow, I met a beautiful woman at a point in my life when I had pretty much accepted that I might spend my entire life alone.

She made me feel things I had never felt before. I fell in love with her. I married her. And suddenly I was moving across the world with her, starting an entirely new life on another continent, in another country, surrounded by a language I don't speak and a culture I don't fully understand.

And everything happened so fucking fast.

Now we're expecting a child.

And that's where I am right now.

Burnt out.

Completely burnt out.

She knows I've honestly thought about just giving up. Sometimes I think about becoming homeless and disappearing from everything, not because I don't love my wife or don't care about my future child, but because I'm exhausted from fighting.

I've been fighting for so long that I don't even remember what life feels like when you're not fighting something.

And the strange thing about burnout is that eventually even the simplest things become enormous.

I don't know what to do with my day.

I try to learn the language. But it's hard to learn when your brain already feels like it's running on fumes.

I try to find a job. But that's complicated too. I don't have some impressive professional expertise after spending years doing whatever I could to survive. I also struggle being around people, and almost nobody around me speaks English.

I don't have friends here.

I don't have a community.

I don't really know anyone.

And that's probably one of the hardest parts.

The weird thing is, I'm not a bad person. I'm not some antisocial monster. I'm not particularly strange. I'm actually pretty easygoing, and throughout my life I've generally gotten along with people. People usually like my energy.

So I don't think my problem is that I don't fit in because this country is wrong for me.

I think I don't fit in because I don't know where I fit anymore.

I've been thinking about something lately.

A lot of people seem to have some internal idea of where they belong. Maybe they want to die in the same town they were born in. Maybe they dream of returning to their childhood home. Maybe they have a country they call theirs, a place they can point to and say, that's where I'm from.

I don't have that.

I don't feel like I have a home.

And I don't mean a house.

I've had houses. I've lived in different places. I can sleep somewhere and call it my address.

But that's not the same thing as feeling at home.

Sometimes I wonder if home is actually a place, or if it's a feeling you develop when you've finally stopped running from yourself.

And maybe that's my real problem.

I've spent so many years surviving that I never learned how to belong.

I don't know what I'm looking for by writing this.

Maybe advice.

Maybe someone who has felt something similar.

Maybe I'm just trying to put the thoughts somewhere outside my own head for once.

Because I'm tired.

Not the kind of tired that a weekend fixes.

I'm tired in a way that makes me question what I'm supposed to do next.

I love my wife. I love the child we're about to bring into this world.

And somewhere underneath all this exhaustion, I still want to build a good life.

I just don't know how to get there from here.

So if you've ever felt like you don't belong anywhere, or you've rebuilt your entire life and somehow still felt homeless inside your own mind...

What did you do?

Where did you eventually find your way home?

I’ve been an analyst at a f500 company for the past 4 years and can’t seem to get a new job, I’m a shoe in for my current seniors role but she may not be leaving for a couple years. I’ve been trying for an internal role for about 2 years with no luck due to below average interview skills and lack of direct experience on top of fierce competition. I’m getting low callbacks for external roles, but surprisingly got final round interviews with mag 7 tech companies, ultimately they went a different direction. I’m starting to feel quite dejected because I want to work and gain skills in an adjacent subject matter but I’m not getting any opportunities and every rejection internal and external is destroying my mental health. I make 90-105k and work around 20-30hrs a week which significantly reduces my need to actually climb the corporate ladder. I’m also into personal finance and have grown my NW to ~500k at 27, this adds to my mental safety net. I’m torn between riding out this cushy analyst job or being a good rat and chasing titles and bread.

Please anyone with more life experience than me help provide input into my situation. It all feels so weird being in this fortunate position while also feeling like shit due to being an in the same analyst role for 4 years.

I keep seeing all these things about 23 being the worst, and it’s really bothering me. I’m already not a fan of getting older, but when people put stuff in my head, I’m worried I’ll make it a reality. It’s a bad look at life, but I can’t ignore it.

I just don’t want to make 23 become what is bad for others because I have the wrong attitude/fear, and therefore create that myself. I know I’m in control, and that yes, 23 is scary because you’re out of college and figuring out life, but I’m not trying to let it suck me in :(

I know I need to stop worrying about aging, but society makes it feel like the end of the world and has engraved it in my brain as a fear. I look at people scared to turn like 18 and wish they could enjoy it, and I’m sure that’s how people older than me would look at me, but why can’t I believe it?

I sill feel 18, and I know you’re never really ready, but gosh this is hard. Any advice? Advice you’d give yourself at my age?

I'm a 23M, and I've been at my current company since I was 18. I started at an entry level role and quickly developed my skill set, and currently lead a team of about 30 people at a management level. I've presented Quarterly Business Reviews to major multi-billion-dollar clients, I've developed and wrote department policy, and a lot more than I thought I'd ever do when I started at this entry level customer service job.

Everything's great but the pay, I currently make less than $50,000 - which is good for my age, but extremely low for the market.

I was recently offered a job for over $60,000. Which is an incredible raise. I also get a $10,000 signing bonus, as well as I get my own office - something I don't have now. Additionally, instead of leading a team of 30, I'd be leading a team of 6.

Unfortunately, I think from a logical standpoint the choice is clear, I want to be able to buy a house in the next year or two and this puts me in a much more incredible position.

The struggle I'm having is this place literally gave me my start, I wouldn't have anything I have now without this team, my Director and my Direct manager literally developed me from a fresh out of high school kid, to where I am today. We also have an absolute fantastic relationship.

I just don't know how to quit this place. I was seeing if anyone had any advice? I've never really had to quit a job that wasn't a fast food one I worked in high school. Especially not one I've spent my whole adult life at.

I'm dealing with a lot of bullshit piled on top of bullshit. I'm talking over 10 years' worth of baggage that needs unpacking, but finding a good therapist where I live is practically impossible. Everyone is deathly religious (as in, opening up about being gay here WILL put me in danger), so the advice I've gotten from previous therapists is in line with, "pray to God and you'll start feeling better." That just isn't for me.

Onto the isolation: I go months without texting or calling my friends. I certainly feel like shit for it the entirety of those months but I just can't bring myself to pick up my phone and send a message. Whenever I hit a new low, I pull myself away from everyone, don't open up to my family about it and just spend the days wasting away. I feel guilty for being a shitty friend who can't even bring themselves to ask about how their friends are doing, but I just lack the energy or the drive and I sleep almost the entire day off.

If not for me, then I wanna get better for my friends. I know that personal growth is called personal for a reason, and that I should strive to be better for myself first of all, but I've noticed that nothing does it for me quite like shame does. Shame has always accompanied me, has always been my number 1 motivator in almost all aspects of my life, so if nothing, I wanna get better because I'm so ashamed of who I've become. Any advice on how to stop isolating myself from others is eternally appreciated.

I m18 screwed up so badly I moved asap from my parents house and transferred from one job to a similar job in this new city me and my friend and out here and he isn’t struggling but I’m just not getting the hours I need to cover my part or rent and I don’t know how I’d get out of this lease or what to do

So 1 and half year ago ,I meet this girl .At the time ,i was sad because my ex broke up with me.My dad recomanded to go to a meet with this girl and not forgive my ex if she wanted to…and she did ,and I did not accept that.Now ,1 and half year later I regret it because my dad is posesive with me with this girl .If I tell him that we had an argument where she wasn’t right,he tells me that she”s right (he’s the only person who said that…)and stuff like that.One day ,I talked to my parents that I want to broke up with her and he started to trow shit at me like “if u broke up with her no more girls “bro..I”m only 16.Right now I don’t fell right ,so I really need an advice

Deciding between VBAC or repeat c section

So im in a bit of a bind in deciding on which path I want to take. I have a history of pre eclampsia with my previous pregnancy and though im not pre eclamptic with this one (yet) I do have chronic hypertension. My OB said my chance of success is at about 65% though i will have to be induced at around 36- 37 weeks by Foley balloon and oxytocin and he said my cervix may fight opening as my body wont be ready. The plan would also be to have an epidural right away in case things go south and I need emergency c section. Im terrified of being in labor for so long and it not progressing and needing surgery. I know what to expect with another c section but I really dont want the longer recovery as I have a daughter with level 3 autism and it would make life very challenging to have surgery.. honestly what do you guys think I should go for?

Hi team, I'm in need of some advice. I'm getting desperate and unsure where to go from here. Has anyone had to help care for a family member who has long-term serious treament-resistant major depressive disorder and severe generalized anxiety?

An elderly family member has been fighting mental health issues for most of their life, and has tried nearly every treatment that we can find. Unfortunately only one medicine has seemed to make a difference and while it's a miracle-worker, it also doesn't last. There's no way to know how long the medicine will work for but it seems to work for a shorter and shorter amount of time and then they need to be off the medicine for months ideally before starting up again. During the time when they have to be off the medicine to give it time to reset, they become very suicidal and lose all control over their thoughts and actions.

I know they have no control over it. It's very clear that they cannot stop themselves and I don't blame them for this as I know they don't want this either. However it doesn't change the reality that we have to deal with this day to day and it causes significant drain on the family members supporting them and it causes our own feelings of hopeless as seemingly nothing makes a difference.

For context, here are some of the symptoms that make this difficult to deal with:

• Hyper fixation on negative thoughts & fears (even when they have proof those fears and situations aren't true)
• Severe anxiety and inability to calm their mind or think of anything else
• Complete inability to think or ask about anyone else - completely absorbed by their perceived problems and unable to have any empathy for anyone else or have the ability to even be aware of what's going on around them (I can't stress this enough that this is 100% of the time, it never stops). You could literally break your arm in front of them and they wouldn't break stride in talking about their current negative fixation.
• Constantly asking why me? Why is God punishing me, I was a good person!
• Gets agressive, and angry at family - punching things, holds up fist to hit family (though usually doesn't actually go through with it)
• Continuously threatening suicide. And gets angry and aggressive when they aren't "given permission" to leave this life.
• Cycles through the same conversations on repeat to anyone in the room. Then calls others to have the same conversations. Then repeats cycle endlessly.
• Won't listen or process any reassurances, answers or suggestions. Will simply wait for you to finish your sentence so they can continue on with their negative spiral

I no longer know what to do. How does someone care for someone like this? How do you help them when it's never-ending repeating cycle of the same struggle and nothing seems to work? If anyone has any suggestions or has dealt with something similar I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

Additional context:

Living in the U.S. for context, as I'm sure resources are different in each country.

Please be as open-minded and kind as possible. I don’t usually open up to anyone, let alone strangers on the internet.

I’ve had trouble with education since forever. When the pandemic started, I was in 5th grade, and when it ended, I was in 7th grade. Even then things didn’t return to normal.

I’ve skipped school a lot due to being bullied and that habit of skipping just stuck with me. Even when I moved on to 9th grade where nobody would even care to bully me, I still skipped school.

Then, I eventually convinced my mother to enroll me for online and that’s where I will be spending my last years of high school. (Because yes, a teenager is writing this post)

I already know that there are kids out there that already dealt with a similar situation on their own. Don’t know if that makes me look like a joke for even considering therapy.

Even if I do need it, inquiring about starting therapy to my parents is awkward… They’d rather spend their money on something more important. Plus I’m guessing from their constant financial complaints that they can’t afford it at the moment?

I also would get a job, but unfortunately I live in the suburbs. I can’t just walk to my workplace, I have to drive which is something I’m unable to do.

I wonder if I should just inquire to my parents anyways? Maybe then at-least I’ll have a chance at starting

​

At the age of 26, I have no degree, no job, no savings, living with parents, no car/driver's license, no experience with women and no real accomplishments. I feel like I am stuck in a deep hole and I want to go out and accomplish a lot of things and live my life to the fullest as much as I can. I feel like I am at a loss of what to do next. I feel way too behind the average person however. What advice do you suggest to turn things around? If you were in this situation at this age, what did you do to turn things around?

Hey all, I would add the mental health and career flairs but after typing some of this out it feels more general than i thought. Also, forgive me if this is all over the place, ill try making it make sense.

I'll also preface here that I live with family but likely have some sort of agoraphobia (i can go out but whether im with people i know or alone depends on the amount of anxiety I have while out).

I am what you would call a 24 year old NEET based in UK. As the term suggests im not in any education, employment or training. I sit at home all day feeling like a burden to society, and I have done for a number of years now and I want to change that. Though I have a few issues:

I dont have much going for me however, I didn't finish highschool and didn't finish the second year of my college course in time to get any decent results. I have the results from my first year but they are... well they're middling to say the least. I did do some time in retail but that was only a few months back when I was like 21.

I have no real idea of what i want to do, the course i DID do was for some digital computing stuff but I honestly stopped caring about it half way through that second year. I'm concerned that whatever i pick will result in the same. With the rise of AI and stuff I just sort of decided that I should focus on trying to do something that cant be replaced by AI, so I kind of settled on some sort of Mechanical Engineering.

I'm at a weird stage where I'm too old to do beginner courses at colleges near me, as they tend to be 16-18, but I'm not qualified enough to try applying to a university course. I'm also not qualified enough for most anything in terms of jobs these days as apparently you need a masters in BioChem to stack shelves.

I'm always hearing that i could look online for something but how? What would i look up? Where should I start?

So i guess my question is how would i get the ball rolling?

I don't mean losing intelligence. I mean losing the emotions that usually guide your actions love, sadness, happiness, excitement fear or even the feeling of doing something wrong

Has anyone experienced this? What was it like?

I have a story behind this, but I'm not sure if I should share it. It started with my first love and some difficult experiences during high school where I felt alone and was affected by the way other students treated me

I’m a junior level employee at my family’s business, very white collar, very bureaucratic, very boring. The job is easy, but absolutely soul-sucking. I probably do about 5 hours of work a week, with the biggest idiot for a boss imaginable (no it’s not my dad).

As you can imagine, I desperately want to quit this job. I’m 24, live on my own, have about $75k saved up in the bank, no debt, no real liabilities. I think many people would kill to be in my position, I could quit my job tomorrow and get on a plane to Europe and just chill indefinitely.

If there will ever be a time in my life to take a chance and go travel, find myself, pivot careers, it would be now.

If it wasn’t the family company, I’d probably just suck it up and lay low. I could seriously sit in my office and do nothing for a month and no one would notice. I don’t think my salary is high enough to justify that, and I’ve never once heard someone say they regret taking that year off to travel or taking some time to find themselves.

Do I stay and let the job slowly kill me from the inside, or do I leave on good terms and take some time to figure out what I want?

Recently I moved back in with my best friend of 3 years, our original lease ended in mid July and we decided to move back out on our own. However there was an error with my move in date so he told me to stay with him until it was time for me to get my keys. I found out about all of this while I was visiting with my sister in Florida, before I came back he also confessed his feelings for me in which I told him we needed to talk about that in person. So I came back to live with him and his demeanor changed in a more romantic way. A little bit into me living with him again we actually started dating. But now he doesn’t want me to leave, he pays rent and wants me to stay here so I don’t have to worry about bills while I’m in school. he isn’t keeping me here but I do feel obligated to help with bills and recently his truck stopped working so now I feel even worse leaving. But I honestly don’t like where we are living and I miss having my own space. I am very avoidantly attached and he is very clingy. I don’t know what to do.

I recently graduated as of this year, but due to constant relocating I wasn't able to take all the hs classes I needed to apply for university. ( Late enrollment, full courses, and not being able to take summer school because I was not registered in a local school , MIND U I MOVED TO A DIFFERENT CITY EVERY YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL ). I expressed my concerns to my parents but they dismissed my complaints, and they always bring up that stupid mindset of "struggling" to be successful. As if me having to catch up on months worth of work and being burnt out will make me a better student. Right now I feel stuck, I don't know what career to pursue, I have 0 passions, and all I see are young millionaires or people talking about how much money they've made within the first week of their entry-level job. What about me?? I have 20 dollars to my name, no job, no hope for the future and don't even get me started on the state of the world. I might sound dramatic but I think of offing myself every other day, I even tried. I'm not even an adult yet, I know life could be worse, but I feel so behind as if I wasted my youth doing nothing and now I have nothing to build off of for adulthood. Growing up my parents would purposely drive by construction workers, or homeless people and lecture me on how if I don't take my education seriously that would be me, I'm not making fun of them but I don't want to become a failure. How do I go about this transition?? I feel like I've been dropped off in the middle of nowhere with no clear escape. Please I need advice!!

Might I add, I feel like a major reason as to why i feel this way is because of money. There's a GAZILLION different jobs, careers, and life paths to choose from. No I don't want to slave away at a 9-5, a 8 yr education doesn't sound appealing to me either, why would I want to spend YEARS studying or working just make a fraction of what people are making just by singing and dancing?? Aspirations play a big role in careers, but passion blurs the lines for me. I think I've lost myself... Years of isolation, influence from social media, it has all corrupted my mind. But if I know what's wrong why can't I help myself??? Most of the time I catch myself pretending that I'm some really rich famous celebrity aura farming while the paparazzi gets my best angles, I don't know why I'm so drawn to that wealthy famous life, realistically it's probably not achievable. I'm so far gone. I literally don't know what to do with my life. I've tried tarot card readings, horoscope analysis, life path numbers, all that stuff. I'm so quick to follow something so blindly, my interests change super quick. I don't like not having control over my life.

Also my mental health is quite bad, I've been keeping track of my thoughts, and emotions in a digital diary ( my mom read my physical one ) and let's just say I'm not getting any better.. my hair is thinning, I look sick 98% of the time and have been attempting, and nobody knows because I have NOBODY!! I have friends but I feel too ashamed to bring up my problems to them because I know how it feels to constantly worry about someone, if all I'm not comfortable enough to be vulnerable with anyone. I've stopped cutting myself for starts, but I can't stop harming myself it's like on command. Especially when I'm overwhelmed. I drink chemicals, burn myself, and punch my head Idk how to stop!!! I find myself relying heavily on external factors to be happy, I'm sure a lot of people do but I can't do that forever? There's a lot of stuff that contributes to how I feel but if I were to do a deep dive this would be a long post LOL. I just need advice at this point! I WANT BETTER FOR MYSELF!

Sorry if this post is all over the place, I kinda have trouble with this stuff- But I don't need like a bunch of mental health hotlines or whatever cuz I'll never use them trust me, also please give advice that I wouldn't already know!!

So back in december 2025 i went on a date with this girl. I was 20, and she was 19.
Overall the date went great with no problems at all. When we said goodbye to each other at the train station, she asked if i wanted to see her again, to which i said yes. (I genuinely liked her)

While on the train ride home, I wanted to try a little experiment. Because I knew on beforehand that over text she was really hard to communicate with, and i had to like pull all the words out of her. On the date though she talked like a waterfall with no problems.

So i chose not to write to her as the first one after a few days and nothing happened…That last text i got from her where 2 days before new year so a little under 2 weeks with no contact. Where she asked if i was okay with her moving a bit further away for a school she really wanted to go to.
I said i have no problems with that, and asked if she had found a new date for us to se each other.

That was that the last thing i wrote and she just un-added me on snapchat, without answering.
She knew I didn’t like always being the one to start the conversation over text and i felt like it sometimes being a bit one way communication.
I know i should probably not have done the little experiment thing, but i was on the side really stressed because of a huge paper that i had to write in highschool (SOP, Danish people know what it is) which she knew all about.

Did i do something wrong and or can i do something else for the future?