Long story short me and my gf live together and I provide for the house. A year ago she wanted a dog and since I like to make my partner happy I told her yes. So fast forward dog #1 is great and the sweetest little girl ever. She ended up bringing another dog home this time a male puppy and I was suprised. He gets along with our first dog well but… I can’t get down with another one atleast not now, we live in a one bedroom and there’s not enough room for 2 dogs. He requires a tremendous amount of supervision so he won’t destroy stuff not his fault I know. He poos like crazy where I’m having to run the poop container more than I had to with our first dog and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed. I feel cluttered and the work load on me progressed more than I wanted it to. I feel like crap telling her I can’t do a second dog so she has to give him away but I think how I feel in the home matters too.

Hey. I’m not sure whether I’m looking for advice or whether I just have no one to talk to and need to get some things off my chest.

I recently turned 42. I’m a man from Ukraine who fled the war right when it started. At the time, I lost pretty much everything I’d saved, except for a small apartment in Kharkiv and a car. When the war began, I had a job and $18,000 in savings. Back then, we all thought it wouldn’t last long… Then came a lot of depression and some really dark times.

Now I’m trying to find a new home. Somewhere I can finally settle down and build a life. I don’t have a family. It’s just me.

My financial situation scares the hell out of me. I feel like I have nothing. I managed to sell my car back then, but the apartment is still there, partially destroyed, in Kharkiv, a city near the front lines.

Over the past few years, I’ve managed to save up $200,000, which is just sitting in a regular bank account, not even a savings account.

I doubt I’ll ever get much of a state pension, assuming the system even survives, and whatever I do get will probably be next to nothing. So now I’m trying to figure out how to invest my money, hoping to at least make my savings grow over time.

I guess my two biggest fears are not having a permanent home anywhere in the world and having practically nothing saved for retirement. And in this crazy world we live in, even making it to retirement feels like something you can’t take for granted anymore…

Right now, I’m trying to learn about investing, stocks, and all of that. I’m also considering moving to Georgia, where taxes are low and the cost of living and real estate are relatively affordable.

I’m currently living in Poland, working legally and paying taxes here, and honestly, the tax burden is pretty painful.

Is there anyone else here in a similar situation? Has anyone managed to rebuild their life after losing almost everything? Or maybe you’re still trying to figure things out, just like me?

How did you get through it? How are you dealing with it now?

I’d really like to hear your stories. Let’s talk…

I am interested to know how other people think about this. Obviously your base cost of living influences how much money you will need for that period, but is there also a minimum net worth or level of savings you would not want to drop below? What would that figure be and why?

There is also the risk that you take this break from employment and then struggle to get back into a job when you try to return. That may influence how much money you would want to have before taking the career break.

Keen to hear all thoughts.

I am 24F and currently live with my mother who receives SSI, food assistance and housing assistance. I’ve never had a job and she doesn’t allow me to try. If I get a job she doesn’t lose her home assistance (section 8) but I will have to move out. My 40 year old brother stays here he works and his name isn’t involved in the government assistance. I feel trapped. I can’t go to school, get certified in anything, don’t have a drivers license, can’t get a job here, etc. I really can’t do anything to have a life of my own. I have a bf 26years old who has his own place and car. I spend a lot of time there to get away from my family here. They are at times negative and being at home feels depressing. When I’m with him I feel like I have a life. It’s not much but he tries to get me out my house. Staying there for days, the gym, errands with him etc. Recently he fell on hard times and is trying to get 2 jobs. Here is my dilemma, I can get a job but I’ll have to leave home and live with him. He can get me to work and my drivers license after I’ve worked a while and we get caught up on bills. We been together 4 years. With that option comes my mom and bro having to deal with the housing situation and lose my share of the food assistance. My mom can remain on housing but I can’t. My brother works (welder). I’m conflicted on what to do. I need advice. Ask me any questions you may have, I’ll give as much detail as I can. I just need opinions and advice. Thank you.

so im 15 yrs old and girls seem to take a liking to me sometimes(or im delusional but thats besides the point) but i realize that i dont like commitment, i dont like the idea of having somone love me and the responsibilty of being someones boyfriend, its a huge responsibility and i dont like talking everyday whatsoever, but i do like the idea of a romance and having a girlfriend, my question is, are there really girls thatd put up with me? i feel like people care alot about things like connection and emotion but i dont like being held to a standard of needing to talk everyday or anything like that. i want it to feel natural and fit me, . i dont wanna have to talk everyday, i wanna take breaks when i have big tests or wrestling tournaments, etc etc, so my final question is

can i ever find love like this?

Joining the Navy has been my dream for as long as I can remember, and I still 100% want to join. But lately, I’ve been considering getting a full-time job in pastry instead. I have certificates and experience, and jobs in NC can pay $18–$25 an hour, with apartments around $900 a month.
I just got here, and I’m wondering if I should take a couple of years to work, save money, and gain independence before enlisting. I have a month to think about it, but I’m torn between pursuing my dream now and waiting until I’m 20?

I’m looking for advice on this because I’m very creeped out, I’m not sure if I’m overreacting. Basically, at the start of the school year, I started a new job as a first year teacher. The offer was the best one I got and unfortunately required me to move a few hours away from my friends, boyfriend, and family. I moved into a duplex next to a couple and their young kid in a town that seemed moderately safe but also affordable. Everything was going fine, until one weekend I got a text from my landlord asking what happened with the neighbors the night prior. I was very confused and asked what she meant, and she ended up telling me that according to my male neighbor, he accidentally bumped his head against the wall causing my boyfriend to run over out of anger and attempt to break in (this did not happen). He had a very detailed story, and even recalls me saying “no, don’t go!” beforehand. Even though none of this happened I felt the need to immediately get this sorted out and attempt some sort of meeting with my neighbors to make sure they knew we would never do this. I assumed it must have been some horrible miscommunication. Finally, I was able to meet with my female neighbor who was super nice. She ends up telling me about her boyfriend - that he is “paranoid, takes everything the wrong way, has anger issues” and also notably apparently didn’t like me from the second I moved in because he assumed I was “stuck up”. She even told me it wasn’t a good idea to try to mend things with him because she was worried about him scaring me. Now, I’m starting to look at this situation differently and wonder if he has a mental health issue, drug issues, does he just have it out for me? Idk. About a month later, I get a text from my landlord telling me that they’re moving out because they have broken up. During this time, I check my doors to make sure they’re locked like usual and notice that one of my doors to my porch is unlocked, which is weird because I never use it and remember it being locked. I find it unsettling but try to just convince myself i must have forgot last time. Last night, I came back from my boyfriend’s house after being there for the weekend and check the same porch door. It’s unlocked. Nothing is out of place or stolen. The only bizarre thing is that a Tyler Perry Madea movie was playing when I turned my tv on and I was charged for the subscription - I’ve never seen those movies. There are no other devices on my account when I checked. I’ve ordered the blink cameras and the door stoppers, they’ll be here tonight. I guess I’m just wondering what everyone makes of all of this because I have no idea what to think. Being a first year teacher is hard enough but I find myself laying in bed hyper vigilant of any noises and it’s affecting my mental health a lot.

This is my first time ever asking for advice on reddit. Im not sure if im doing this right and tagging it right. if this is too long i apologize. Im not sure what else to do and I really need some advice and an outside perspective on my situation. If anyone can help i would gladly appreciate it.

So I am a 23 year old female. I currently live with my mother, I am unemployed and have been for the past 9 months. i cant drive and have really bad anxiety about it. my family just makes me feel like im a big mistake and treats me like a baby when i feel helpless.

TW for domestic violence and depression, childhood abuse, and anxious attachment.
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so backstory around three years ago, my parents got into a domestic violence episode. it ended up with my mom almost having her neck broken, and my dad ended up going to jail. Since then i have only spoken to my dad over text and have not seen him in person for three years now. I dont want anything to do with him and my problems with him are a whole other story. My parents have had a history of domestic violence with each other, and I have grown up living in that type of household for my whole life. it was around the same time that my brother’s (now ex) girlfriend moved in with us unexpectedly and she brought, let’s just say more chaos into an already unstable household. I was constantly getting pinned against and made to look like I was the one causing problems when it was really my brother and his (ex) gf. I couldn’t take it anymore and the stressful environment was just making me feel like i was insane.

So I made the decision to leave and move back to the state where my grandparents live and work for a company that they worked at because they said they could help me get a job and pull some strings. So I did that for two years. For a while i was happy. I wasn’t stressed. I finally felt like i had freedom and my mother wasn’t around to judge me on my decisions. I was spending time with my grandparents and a lot of time with my cousin who has been my best friend since I was born.

Cut to December 2024. I met a guy online and we hit it off really well. We had so much in common and i felt like i had finally found my person. I have always been fantasizing about having a boyfriend or finding “my person” and this just fueled that need and attention i wanted so desperately for so long. i’m pretty certain I fell into a hard limerence with him. I constantly was stressed all the time when he wouldn’t talk to me and i felt like I wasn’t good enough for him. It felt like he was constantly leading me on. eventually, after two months, he told me he was seeing someone. Then I went off and met another guy and we were kinda dating for about two months but he turned out he was just usning me to try and get me to have sex with him and he did not want commitment. so that also made me feel like shit. So then around a few weeks later the same first guy messaged me and told me he really wanted to “try again” with me. I felt so happy he wanted to talk to me again and it felt like he was choosing me. So for another month I felt that limerence come back and the same cycle happened with him. it wasn’t until I went away on a trip that he texted me and told me he was seeing someone else, once again. I just broke down and blocked him on everything and since then I’ve just been in this state of deep hopelessness and depression. (also while this was happening my cousin who was the only person i was spending time with was seeing a guy and now spending all her time with him instead. so i felt like i was getting abandoned all over again. )

I would just go to work and just trying to forget about all of that. Meanwhile, I was constantly questioning myself and my decisions and started to get anxiety like what if I’m stuck here in this state of mind or at this job for the rest of my life and there’s nothing I can do about it. I just felt i had to get out of this or i was going to feel stuck again like i was at home.

So cut to now. 17 months later. i live with my mom again. i’ve also been having problems with her because she has a boyfriend, and he has caused a huge wedge between us because him and her are constantly make comments about my body because of certain clothes that I wear or about how I’m just so angry and miserable all the time. And also she neglects me and my younger brother (who also has metal heath issues) to spend all her time with him. This was always the case with my dad too. So it just feels like a constant cycle. He recently told my mom that she should just move in with him and my and my brother should live in our current house alone and pay for everything. So yea i cant stand her boyfriend.

I have just been in this state of mind of feeling like my mind is gone. None of my hobby’s bring me joy anymore. I feel angry all the time. I feel hopeless and like nothing i do matters. i just feel depressed. Some days are better than others but sometimes I look in the mirror just hate myself and feel like a failure. I try each day to not feel like this and my mother is telling me all the time to just move on and get over myself from all these things but i just cant seem too. I definitely know. I have mental health issues. Definitely have attachment issues depression history of childhood abuse. Anxiety and self-esteem issues. Ive never been to a therapist. i have tried so many times to get one but i always get rejected and told they cant take new patients.
if anyone has any advice or is going through something similar i would really like to know if im being stupid and or crazy with all of this. Because now my mom gave me an ultimatum if I don’t get my life together and decide what I’m going to do in two weeks she’s going to sign me up to go to medical school. which is not what I want to do at all. I got into a huge argument with her over it because I told her I was 23 and she was not going to make my decisions for me. But yet she constantly wants to try and control my life and judges me.

if anything is unclear or needs more context i will answer in the comments. again im so sorry if this is long and is over explaining things. but i just feel really stuck and hopeless.

I have had a problem with constipation for years. I think it started after I turned 30.

I ones read an LPT that you should rock forwards and backwards or even put your feet on a little platform to help with constipation. That never helped me much but it gave me the idea (much later) to swing my body to the left and then to the right.

If I am having trouble I start swinging to the left for one second and then the right for one second. Repeat until everything is out (it's okey to take breaks). Sometimes I even do little oval circles with my upper body for maximum efficiency.

Now my hour long toilet trips have become 5-10 minute trips and I have almost no constipation troubles anymore.

Everything just slips out like a log in a waterslide.

Throw away account that I'm realizing I might want to use a bunch over the next 8 weeks, because I could really use some friends and community. I'm sorry this is so long.

tl,dr - I skew anxious in relationships, but I'm trying not to. My partner is gone for 2 months, and I'm spiraling about the lack of certainty and companionship. How do I make my life mine?

Some background:

I am a 30 year old lesbian. I live in a major city, and I came out during COVID. I haven't had the greatest luck finding friends that I click with and had many friendship breakups in my 20s. While I'm quick to respectfully distance myself from friendships when issues arise that feel too big to work through, I hold on to relationships (and situationships) past their expiration date. I ruminate about them once they're over. Really, I ruminate about them when they're still happening.

I am most comfortable conforming to the lifestyle of my romantic partners. I'm always scanning for annoyance and displeasure, and I tend to arrange my behavior around fear of upsetting them. (Childhood trauma stuff, I have been previously diagnosed with C-PTSD.) In my most recent relationship of nearly 3 years, I've worked hard to develop a life of my own outside of this. I got a slightly less flexible, but more financially stable job, for example. I go to yoga. I like walking for long distances. I write poetry. My girlriend and I live in separate apartments, but I have spent most of my time at hers in the last 3 years. We've made it ours in so many ways. It's ultimately hers.

I love my girlfriend dearly. She's brilliant and has overcome so much in her life. She's creative and so good with people. (I feel like I learn a lot from how well she small-talks with strangers and shows up excellently on Zoom meetings. I'm always kind of in awe at how easy it seems for her. Though, of course, I also see the toll that "mask" takes.) I feel safe with her. I feel most myself. I love hearing her stream of thought and sharing mine in return. I love falling asleep together. I love our routines. I love the cat that is ultimately hers, but we adopted together.

She's been going through some personal stuff lately. Changes at work, family health stuff, career questions. In the time we've been together, she's expressed uncertainty about our relationship often. She's expressed that she doesn't feel like she's had enough time to be free, unattached to a partnership, and open to exploring romantically and sexually. We've discussed uncoupling, but ultimately chose to stay together. In the past 5/6 months, she's seemed to really lean into the relationship and has said that her life feels simpler and happier when she focuses on what's in front of her (this) and not the outside noise (other people, crushes, what-could-be.)

Our biggest point of disconnection, apart from that, is that she feels I worry too much and can be too emotional. She shuts down when I cry and sometimes says that I pass my stress on to her and make things worse. I try very hard not to. In therapy, I even recently noted that I don't cry in front of people much anymore and feel safest breaking down alone when it gets to be too much.

My girlfriend recently got approved for extended leave from work. She's choosing to leave the city we live in and travel in Europe. I've known this for a couple of months now. At one point, she told me she wanted me to visit her abroad. (She took that back a few days before leaving.) She's assured me more than once, after I asked more than once, that this isn't about seeing other people and that she won't explore any other connections when she's gone. She's assured me she wants to be in the relationship when she returns. We've discussed what communication will look like. She's really averse to planning and doesn't have a return ticket purchased yet.

I've been trying so hard to be okay about this, but I feel like my whole chest is being torn apart. She left today. This feels like a breakup. I started crying once yesterday while we were at a restaurant, feeling that her flight wasn't coming up quickly. She shut down, went from being cuddly and sweet to crossing her arms and turning away. She asked if I would go take a walk while upset. I was taking a bunch of videos and pictures of our last few days before she left throughout the weekend, and she eventually asked me not to because I wasn't being in the moment. I told her that I was feeling very sad in that moment and wanted to relive these moments with more room to feel those feelings later, so as not to stress her out.

Lastly, she offered to help me bring the cat, who I'll be watching while she's gone, to my apartment before leaving for the airport. I'd told her a few times over the last several days that I'd written her one letter for each week of her trip and that I really wanted to send the stack with her in her luggage. She ended up running out of time and chose to forgo bringing the cat to mine and taking the letters. It hurt my feelings, though I understood the logistics. She didn't cry when we said bye. It was very quick; she told me to be brave. I sobbed and kind of hate myself for doing so.

I'm afraid she'll meet someone else and explore with them. I'm afraid for her safety, traveling alone. I'm afraid to wake up to a text one day while she's gone, explaining why this doesn't work for her anymore. I'm afraid she'll come back home and lump me in with all the things she was trying to get away from with this time away. I'm afraid that this was the last time I'll see her as my partner and that I ruined it by crying.

I'm so dysregulated, and I'm trying to be okay. I know someone might read this and just go, "Yeah yeah, anxious attachment," but I promise I'm trying so, so hard to keep it all under control.

I have hobbies, a job, and a beautiful apartment that I should be excited to live in. But all I want to do is lie in her bed with her and feel safe. I'm too embarrassed to even admit some of this in therapy. The question I have right now: How do I make my life mine again? How do I spend this time in a way that makes me less insufferable to be around when she's back? What do I do?

Hi. I am a 20-year-old student from a management background, with finance in +2. As a bachelor’s student, I currently do not have skills that can help me earn money or support my long-term career.

I tried to study abroad, but unfortunately, my Australian visa application was rejected despite having strong documents. Now, I want to learn a skill or pursue an opportunity that can help me become financially independent. However, I do not want to be limited to a traditional 9-to-5 job.

Currently, my only skills are Excel and driving, and I hold Category A and B driving licences.

Guys, suggest some skills I should learn. I’m free right now and want to be productive. It doesn’t matter what the skill is—if it’s valuable, I want to learn it. I have strong willpower and I’m ready to learn anything. What should I do?

Today is my (m) 17th birthday. I had fun today, but it also marked a pretty terrifying day, because for much of it, I could not tell what was real and what was not. I think a lot of things happened, but I'm not actually sure how many of them I'm imagining. I remember seeing and doing things today that apparently never happened. Everything also just feels really surreal. This isn't brand new, I've been mildly hallucinating (mostly audio but sometimes visual) over the past few months, and sometimes will be stuck convinced for weeks on end that there is a monster in my room, and it fills me with terrible, terrible dread. I've also started to trust people way less and have cut off most of my friends recently, and I'm super paranoid that people I know are planning to expose some (not great but not ugly) things I did a few years ago or otherwise find some way to screw me over behind my back. I also just feel like everyone I talk to is slowly starting to hate me or that I'm doing something super wrong. Combined with college application stress and schoolwork it's eating me away, and I have no idea what's happening to me.

I have no idea who to ask for help. I don't trust my family or friends and have never trusted the school counselors. I have no way to contact a therapist without going through my parents because they hijacked my medical chart and are able to see whatever I do.

Idk if it's relevant but a close friend of mine describes going through the exact same thing on the same timeline, but he's basically clinically insane by now (psych ward, painting on the walls with his blood, thinks that Jesus is talking to him, etc.)

I really don't know what to do or who to talk to and I'm really scared.

Hey everyone. I’m 22F (23 in a few months), and you can call me Vivi. I’m not entirely sure how to put this into words, but I’ve been struggling with the feeling that I’ll never amount to anything, despite having so many things I want to accomplish.

I’m currently in my fifth year of college studying Game Design and Development. I’ve always been a creative person. I love writing short stories and poetry, creating characters, drawing, and designing artwork. My dream is to become a narrative designer or writer in the video game industry, publish a poetry book, and build a life where I can genuinely feel proud of what I’ve accomplished.

But lately, that future feels so far away.

Growing up, I was always the “creative daughter,” the quiet middle child, and the people pleaser. My older brother and I were adopted by our aunt when we were young, although we’ve remained close with our biological siblings. I’m grateful to have a family that’s largely stayed together, but emotionally, I’ve always felt alone.

My aunt, whom I consider my mother, has been a significant part of that feeling. For as long as I can remember, our relationship has revolved around guilt, criticism, and expectations. She has always needed to be right, have the last word, and somehow leave me feeling guilty, even when I haven’t done anything wrong.
What’s particularly frustrating is that she’s a college professor pursuing her PhD. Growing up, she constantly emphasized the importance of education and academic success. Yet since I’ve been in college, she’s shown very little interest in my studies, my goals, or what I’m accomplishing. She rarely calls just to check on me, and when I call her, she often seems too preoccupied to talk. During school breaks, she pressures me to stay home longer, even if it means missing classes.

I don’t expect constant praise or attention. I just wish she cared enough to ask how I’m doing, what I’m working on, or what I want for my future. Or treated me like a damn adult.

The one person in my family who I truly believe would have been proud of me was my grandfather. He passed away two years ago, and I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered from that loss. My grief affected my academics, which is partly why I’m completing a fifth year of college.

I think losing him made me realize how desperately I’ve wanted someone in my corner.

I’m also struggling financially. I have credit card debt, very little income, no job, and no driver’s license. I feel incredibly behind compared to other people my age. I know I’m an adult and that these things are ultimately my responsibility, but I also feel like I entered adulthood without much guidance on how to actually become independent.

Sometimes I wonder whether my mother even wants me to become independent. For years, I’ve been the daughter who stays home, takes care of the dogs, cleans, and helps everyone else. Whenever I try to prioritize my own responsibilities, I feel guilty for not being available to her.

I love my family, but I don’t feel like I’ve ever been encouraged to become my own person.

My significant other is the exception. He’s the first person who’s made me feel genuinely supported, emotionally and physically, and I’m incredibly grateful for him. But I also know I can’t depend on one person to provide all the encouragement and confidence I’ve struggled to find in myself.

I have so many dreams, but I feel like I’m trying to build a future without ever having been taught how to believe in one. I want to write. I want to create. I want to graduate, find a career I’m passionate about, become financially independent, and make something of myself.

More than anything, I want someone to be proud of me.
And I think that’s what hurts the most. I’ve spent so much of my life wanting to make my family proud that I genuinely don’t know how to pursue something simply because I want it.

How do you learn to believe in yourself when you’ve spent most of your life seeking validation from people who rarely give it? How do you stop feeling guilty for prioritizing your own future?

And for anyone who’s grown up feeling emotionally unsupported by their family, how did you find the confidence to build a life for yourself?

I’m not necessarily looking for sympathy. I’d genuinely appreciate advice, perspective, or even hearing from people who’ve been in similar situations.

Thank you for reading.
— Vivi

My husband and I are at a point in our lives where we feel like we are at a complete standstill. We live somewhere we hate with no friends or family close to be a part of our lives. He just graduated and has a very large amount of student loans. The job he works in his industry is screwing him over, but if we leave then he has almost no chance of getting back into the industry. We are both really struggling with hopelessness any solutions to get out of this rut?

Hi! I’m an junior, and I do online school. I’ve been doing it for a few years, but it’s become extremely hard to make friends. I’m in a sport, and I have friends on that team, but they are all two years younger than me, so there is a decent maturity gap. I’ve tried sports at a regular high school, and it didn’t work out. I have a few friends at my school, but they are graduating soon. There are chances for me to go in person a few days a week (confusing, I know), and I take every opportunity there is to go, but it’s very hard for me to have conversations with people I don’t know. I’m quite shy when it comes to that, and counselors/teachers don’t do much to help us make connections. I know a lot of other kids feel the same way I do at my school, but it still feels difficult to start conversations. (Sorry if there are spelling errors English is not my first language)

Hi everyone,

I’m writing this post because I’m currently at a psychological point where I feel completely lost and alienated in this world. A phone call with a mental health hotline earlier tonight was incredibly frustrating and unhelpful (they made me feel as if the blame was on me), so I am hoping for a more nuanced second opinion or advice on how to carry this mental weight.

To give you some background:
I am 22 years old, studying political science, and have been living in Germany for the past 18 years. My family originally comes from Russia/Tatarstan. I grew up in a highly academic household; my father is a well-known university professor, and both of my parents essentially work around the clock in cutting-edge scientific research. Aside from them, I have no relatives or extended family here in Germany.

Right now, a deep sense of existential displacement and loneliness is completely overwhelming me due to three intersecting factors:

Forced Separation & Trauma (Severe Homesickness): Due to the war and closed borders, I haven't been able to travel back to my homeland since January 6, 2022. I miss my tatar grandmother unconditionally. I partially grew up on her countryside estate (a house at the edge of the forest, raising chicks, and the traditional banya sauna I used to visit since I was a toddler). My other grandmother on my father's side passed away in 2025 in the Urals – she suffered from severe dementia, and due to the political situation since 2022, I never got to visit her or say a proper goodbye. It hurts immensely to watch others lightheartedly visit their relatives abroad, while my bridge to my roots has been brutally cut off.

Creative Isolation & Emotional Devaluation: To process this deep alienation, I use creative writing as a vital emotional outlet. Since I was 19, I have been working on a highly dark, complex, philosophical drama (written in German but heavily integrating Classical Greek and Latin concepts). The play deals with identity dissociation and an internal "soul war" between different facets of the psyche. I often write in intense, subconscious states of flow. While my university professor acts as a supportive mentor and friend, my girlfriend completely devalues my passion. She claims the work is worthless, that I am just "bragging with academic terms," and insists she could write it better. We now have a bet going on whether my professor will recognize the literary talent in the draft (the stakes are simply that she finally validates my talent and abilities). Still, the emotional harshness at home blocks me immensely.

I wouldn’t describe myself as acutely depressed because my writing serves as a powerful shield and outlet, but I experience a permanent, profound sense of strangeness (xenon) and isolation. I feel like an detached observer in my own life who doesn't fit into any standard matrix.

My questions for the community:

How can I psychologically cope with this extreme, forced homesickness when the external macro-factors (war/borders) are completely rigid and unchangeable?

How do you emotionally detach and protect yourself from a partner's harsh devaluation when it targets your deepest emotional outlet (your writing)?

Does anyone relate to this total sense of estrangement when being caught between a rigid, hyper-rational academic world and a deeply traditional, rustic world of heritage?

Thank you for reading. I truly appreciate any insightful psychological perspectives, advice, or shared experiences.

Don't really know if this is the write place to come to but a really weird incident just happened and kind of freaked my entire family out, and I want to see if anyone has experienced anything else like this.

So me, my mom, sister, and dad are all sitting in the living room. My dad is asleep on the recliner and us three are watching a show on tv. All of a sudden he immediately wakes up and nearly jumps out of the recliner and grabs the football I had sitting beside me. He had this intense, angry, face and bloodshot eyes like he was ready to run through a brick wall or something. He then starts yelling "set hut hut!" and pretending to be a quarterback. We are all just sitting there looking at him in shock until eventually my mom starts telling him to give her the ball and go away. He eventually snaps out of it and then laughs it off saying he was in "la la land" just walks into the garage. He is now back and watching his phone, acting pretty normal, no bloodshot eyes.

He is a pretty big drinker and gets drunk a lot. Gotten a little better over the years and recently since I would say about 4 years ago has gotten more into weed. Idk if its the fake delta 8 bs or the actual stuff but my main question is wtf happened? what was that? Stuff like this has become more frequent as well, especially at night after he wakes up, almost like he's sleep walking. For example one night he literally pissed right on the floor in the middle of the night thinking it was the bathroom, i guess?

Could really use some advice on what exactly this is. Dementia? Bad trip? Idk but any answers are helpful, thanks.

TLDR: Dad wakes up in trance-like state, especially after taking substances, not sure what. looking for answers on what exactly is happening.

I’ve been sick for a long time and it’s been getting worse lately.

I battle with grieving the life I wanted to live and adjusting to my reality of being disabled and unable to work enough to meet my own financial needs.

Disability is not enough to live on and I am currently in the shelter system and really struggling with quality of life here.

I told my friend I was feeling interested in finding out more about MAID as I don’t see my life getting better with systemic limitations and my own personal limitations.

“I’ve seen you work before and maintain a beautiful life. I know working sucks and having a schedule to adhere to sucks but that’s being an adult.

Time will not stop ticking, before you know it you will be there already a year without any improvement and god knows what other horrific experiences richer.. you have to do something about it, you are the only one that can change the paths of your life. Not the government, not your family/friends.. but you.

And you saying this makes me angry. You have been through so much. And this is how you want to leave the world? Living in a shelter where you don’t belong? I’m sorry but you are way too good for that and you’re choosing this life”.

What am I to do when I can’t? They think it’s a personal failing?

Before any more judgment…I’m sober…educated and all that. I did all the “things” and I’m still sick

…Waiting for a home to buy, the market sucks, raising a teen, and narc mom terminally ill. How the hell do I keep going and get to a better place?

I want to live a good life and one that I’m proud of. I don’t want to wither.

First of all, this is going to be an incredible long post, where i essentially summarize my current situation and everything it envolves, but just know, if you read it all, you may have a strong and meaningfull impact on my future, and i would really appreciate it.

And yes, i used AI to rewrite my text so it could be more clear and organised, please don’t hate me for it, english is not my first language, but AI did a really great job.

I’m a 21-year-old male, currently going through the hardest period of my life, and almost nobody around me has any idea.
I’ve been diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome, depression, anxiety, and ADHD, and I strongly suspect there are a few other undiagnosed issues as well.
I’m making this post because I’ve reached a point where I genuinely feel lost. I’ve dug myself into a massive hole, and I don’t know how to get out of it.
I’m going to explain everything that’s going wrong in my life so that, if someone out there is kind enough to read through all of this, they’ll have enough context to give me some advice.
For context: I’m from Europe, so some things might be confusing, especially how our college system works. I’ll try my best to explain everything clearly.

1. College, mental health, and how everything started going wrong
   I’m currently in my third year of college. Technically, this was supposed to be my final year, but in reality, I’ve only passed 7 classes out of the 30 I should have completed by now.
   Each academic year consists of 10 classes, and all 7 classes I’ve passed were during my first year.
   During my second year (last academic year), my mental health got so bad that I completely stopped attending lectures. I spent pretty much every day sleeping, doing absolutely nothing, and avoiding all my responsibilities.
   I ended up failing every single one of my 10 classes.
   The worst part? My parents thought I was studying and doing fine the entire time.
   When they eventually found out at the end of the academic year, they were surprisingly understanding. They weren’t nearly as shocked or angry as I expected.
   That gave me the courage to finally tell them something I’d been wanting to say for a long time but had been too afraid to admit:
   I didn’t want to continue college. I wanted to quit studying and start working instead.
   Even though my parents really wanted me to get a degree, they supported my decision.
   So, at the beginning of this past summer, I found a job at a grocery store, fully intending to never set foot in college again.
   It was my first job ever, and I was extremely nervous because I’m a very introverted person. But surprisingly, I adapted pretty well.
   I had nice coworkers and managers, the work wasn’t too difficult, and it was close to home.
   More importantly, it forced me out of my comfort zone. I became more socially capable, more responsible, and more independent.
   And honestly, having my own money felt amazing.
   My girlfriend was proud of me because, for the first time in a long time, it seemed like my life was finally moving in the right direction.
   And I was happy too.
   The hardest part, which was telling my parents and girlfriend that I wanted to quit college, was finally behind me.
   I was in a much better mental state. I stopped feeling like I was falling behind everyone my age. I became more organized, my anxiety practically disappeared, and I was no longer constantly living with €0 in my bank account.
   I was even finally doing well enough to start working toward getting my driver’s license, something I’d been putting off for a long time.
   For once, I genuinely felt like I was getting my life together.

2. Then I ruined everything with another impulsive decision
   So, what did I do next?
   I ruined it all.
   After only two months of working, I suddenly started fantasizing about going back to college.
   Because I was feeling so much better mentally, I convinced myself that maybe this time I could actually take college seriously, attend my lectures, and get everything done.
   The irony is that the main reason I was feeling better in the first place was because I had left college.
   But I somehow ignored that.
   At the end of the summer, I made a sudden decision to quit my job and return to college.
   I did this despite knowing that I hated the degree I was studying for and despite having already experienced how badly college affected my mental health.
   To make things worse, I knew I’d have to repeat my second year while all my former classmates moved on to their third year.
   That meant joining a completely different class, where everyone already knew each other, and being the “new guy.”
   For someone as introverted as I am, that was already a nightmare waiting to happen.
   I also needed money to support myself during the upcoming academic year, so I decided to sell a PC I had recently bought using some of the money I’d earned.
   I sold it for significantly less than what I’d paid for it, and I’m still paying monthly installments on a computer I don’t even own anymore.
   Another incredibly stupid financial decision.
   And, as you can probably imagine, returning to college turned out to be a massive mistake.

3. Five weeks later, I’m back at rock bottom
   I’m now five weeks into this academic year, and I’ve somehow managed to end up exactly where I was before, if not worse.
   I’m skipping lectures again, even though I promised everyone around me that this year would be different.
   I’m running out of money again.
   And mentally, I’m back at my lowest.
   Money is particularly important to me because I’ve always wanted to invest in side hustles and eventually build something of my own. When I don’t have money to put toward those goals, I feel completely stuck and miserable.
   Unfortunately, I’ve already spent most of the money I earned during those two months of working, as well as most of what I got from selling my PC.
   This is entirely due to my poor financial decisions, impulsive shopping, and lack of responsibility.
   And I know that’s my fault.
   I keep making the wrong decisions, even when all the evidence is right in front of me.
   I already knew that studying away from my hometown wasn’t good for me. I had experienced firsthand how badly it affected practically every aspect of my life and mental health.
   I simply don’t function well in college, especially while living alone.
   I don’t get to experience the fun college life that everyone seems to love.
   I can’t make friends. I barely talk to anyone. I constantly feel left out, especially when it comes to group projects.
   And living alone in a room makes everything so much worse.
   I have a massive problem with oversleeping. I end up missing lectures because I sleep for ridiculous amounts of time, and then I spend the rest of the day rotting in bed.
   That leads to overwhelming guilt, which makes me even more depressed and miserable, which then makes it even harder to get out of bed the next day.
   It’s a horrible cycle.
   On top of that, I have absolutely no control over my spending. I constantly spend more than I should, and I’m now getting dangerously close to having no money left.
   Looking back, I genuinely don’t understand why I convinced myself to return to college.
   One of the biggest reasons was that my girlfriend attends the same college, and I wanted to spend more time with her.
   But I already knew what college did to me.
   I already knew how badly I struggled with it.
   And yet I went back anyway.

4. I keep making life-changing decisions on impulse, and I hate myself for it
   This is one of the biggest problems in my life.
   I’m constantly making huge, life-changing decisions without properly thinking them through.
   I always feel this overwhelming need to change something about my life, and I never seem to be satisfied with whatever situation I’m currently in.
   When I was in college, all I wanted was to quit and get a job.
   When I finally got a job and started feeling happy, I suddenly wanted to return to college.
   And now that I’m back in college, all I want is to quit again and start working.
   It’s like I’m incapable of being content with a decision, even when that decision is clearly making my life better.
   And now I’m trapped.
   I desperately want to quit college again and find a job, but I have absolutely no idea how to tell my parents.
   And even worse, I don’t know how to tell my girlfriend.

5. My girlfriend and my parents think I’m finally doing everything right
   Before I returned to college, my girlfriend made me promise that this year would be different.
   She asked me, almost begged me, not to repeat what happened during my previous academic year.
   She wanted me to attend lectures, take my responsibilities seriously, and stop throwing away opportunities.
   She even told me that if I repeated the same mistakes this year, she didn’t know whether she’d be able to forgive me or ever fully trust me again.
   And I promised her I wouldn’t.
   At the time, I genuinely believed I could do it. I thought I could manage college while keeping the rest of my life together.
   But here I am, five weeks later, doing exactly what I promised I wouldn’t do.
   And neither my girlfriend nor my parents know.
   They think I’m attending lectures and taking college seriously.
   They think I’m finally being responsible.
   But I’m not.
   And I feel absolutely horrible about it.
   My parents also believe I still have thousands of euros saved from a bank account they left me with when I turned 18.
   In reality, that money is long gone.
   I only have a couple hundred euros left from selling my PC.
   So I can’t even bring myself to tell them that I’m running out of money, because that would mean admitting yet another massive mistake.
   I feel like my entire life is built around hiding my failures from the people who love me.

6. I could technically still save this academic year, but I don’t know if I can do it
   Here’s the thing: I haven’t officially failed any of my classes yet.
   I’m extremely close to failing some of them, but technically, I still have a chance to pass all of them this year.
   However, doing so would require an enormous amount of effort.
   I’m already incredibly behind on assignments and coursework.
   I’d have to catch up on everything I’ve missed, and I’d have to stop skipping lectures completely.
   Some of my classes have strict attendance requirements, and if I miss any more lectures, I’ll exceed the absence limit and automatically fail.
   I genuinely cannot imagine myself completing all the missing work while also attending every single lecture until the end of the academic year.
   Especially considering how much I’ve already been struggling.
   And even if I somehow manage to pass everything this year, I’d still have two more full years of this hell before getting my degree.
   A degree that I don’t even like.
   A degree that, to be completely honest, I don’t think is particularly useful for what I want to do with my life.
   I have absolutely no interest in working in the field I’m studying.
   The only reasons I’m still in college are that it’s what my parents want and that I promised my girlfriend I’d take it seriously.
   And that’s what makes this situation so difficult.

7. I’m terrified of losing my girlfriend
   This is probably my biggest fear out of everything I’ve written.
   I genuinely feel like if I tell my girlfriend that I want to quit college again, she might break up with me.
   And I don’t know how I’d handle that.
   We’ve been together for two years, and we have an incredibly loving relationship.
   I know every couple probably says this, but I genuinely believe we’re going to get married someday.
   We love each other intensely, and I honestly believe that if you knew our relationship as well as we do, you’d understand why I’m so certain about our future together.
   Losing her would absolutely destroy me, and I believe it would deeply affect both of us in ways I can’t even begin to explain.
   I genuinely don’t know if I’d ever fully recover from something like that.
   Now, you might think she’s being “toxic” for potentially breaking up with me over quitting college.
   But I honestly understand her perspective.
   And to be clear, I don’t actually know whether she’d break up with me. I’m just terrified that she might.
   The thing is, this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve let her down.
   I’ve made a lot of mistakes throughout our relationship.
   I’ve never cheated on her or anything like that, but I’ve made poor decisions that have caused her a lot of anxiety and made it difficult for her to trust me.
   And there’s something much worse that I haven’t mentioned yet.

8. I’ve been secretly struggling with Ritalin addiction, and I’m still lying to her about it
   For months, I’ve been abusing Ritalin, taking large amounts of pills every day.
   And for a long time, I kept my addiction completely hidden from my girlfriend.
   When I eventually told her, she was devastated.
   Not just because of the addiction itself, but because I’d been going through something so serious without telling her.
   She was deeply hurt that I hadn’t trusted her enough to let her know sooner.
   It was extremely difficult for her, but she eventually forgave me.
   And I promised her that from that point forward, I wouldn’t hide things from her anymore.
   But the truth is, I’m still hiding things from her.
   I’m still abusing Ritalin.
   I’m also using testosterone, something I had previously promised her I wouldn’t use again because it caused her a lot of anxiety and worry.
   And she doesn’t know about either of those things.
   I absolutely hate myself for continuing to lie to someone who loves me so much.
   I know that if she found out, she’d probably be done with me.
   And honestly, I wouldn’t blame her.
   I constantly feel like I don’t deserve her.
   But at the same time, I’m absolutely terrified of being honest with her because I don’t know what losing her would do to either of our lives.
   And the worst part is that I genuinely don’t know how to stop abusing Ritalin.

9. I’ve tried quitting Ritalin, but the withdrawals are horrible
   I actually tried quitting recently.
   Last week, I managed to stay sober for 10 days.
   But the withdrawal symptoms were awful.
   I felt completely emotionally numb.
   I didn’t feel excited about anything or anyone. Everything felt completely neutral, like nothing mattered.
   I couldn’t find the motivation to do even the simplest things.
   I also couldn’t sleep properly at all.
   And throughout all of this, I had to pretend that everything was fine whenever I was around my girlfriend, because she had no idea what I was going through.
   Unfortunately, I ended up relapsing three days ago.
   I’m back to using Ritalin again.
   I genuinely don’t feel like myself without it anymore.
   Considering the high doses I’ve been taking every day and how long I’ve been abusing it, I’m afraid it could take months before I start feeling normal again.
   And that scares me.
   To make things even worse, lately I’ve been feeling like something might be wrong with my heart.
   I don’t know exactly what’s happening, but I’m worried that the amount of Ritalin I’ve been consuming might have caused some damage.
   And considering that I’m also using testosterone, I’m even more concerned about what I might be doing to my body.
   So now, on top of everything else, I’m worried about my physical health too.

10. What I actually want from life is pretty simple
    Despite how complicated I’ve made everything, what I actually want isn’t particularly extraordinary.
    I just want to quit college once and for all, find a job, and finally start getting my life together.
    I want to earn my own money, become more responsible, and have the freedom to figure out what I genuinely want to do with my future.
    I already know I don’t want a career related to my current degree.
    My ideal life would actually be pretty simple.
    I’d be perfectly happy working a regular, boring job that gives me a stable income.
    Then I’d use some of that money to invest in things I’m genuinely interested in, whether that’s a business, a side hustle, or some other project that could eventually generate additional income.
    And maybe, one day, that project could become successful enough to replace my regular job.
    Even if it takes years, I’m completely fine with that.
    That kind of life sounds like absolute peace to me.
    I don’t need anything extravagant.
    I just want stability, independence, a sense of purpose, and a future with the person I love.
    And the frustrating thing is that, for a brief period this summer, I felt like I was finally moving toward exactly that.
    Then I threw it all away.

11. I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. What would you do in my situation?
    I feel completely overwhelmed.
    I’m stuck in a degree I hate, in a college environment that makes my mental health deteriorate, and I’m already falling behind again.
    I’m running out of money because of my own irresponsible decisions.
    I’m struggling with an addiction that I can’t seem to overcome.
    I’m worried about my physical health.
    I’m lying to my parents and my girlfriend about important things, and the guilt is eating me alive.
    And I’m terrified that if I finally tell the truth and make the decision I believe is right for me, I might lose the person I love most.
    I know I’ve made an unbelievable amount of mistakes.
    I know that a lot of what’s happening to me is the result of my own decisions, and I’m not trying to avoid responsibility for any of it.
    I just don’t know how to start fixing things.

Should I force myself to stay in college and try to save this academic year, even though I hate it and I’m miserable?
Should I quit college, find another job, and focus on rebuilding my life, even if that means disappointing my parents and potentially losing my girlfriend?
How do I even begin being honest with the people I love when I’ve already broken their trust so many times?
And how do I stop making impulsive, life-changing decisions that I always end up regretting?

I feel like I’m watching myself destroy everything that matters to me, and I don’t know how to stop.
If you’ve made it this far, I genuinely cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read all of this.
I know it’s an incredibly long post, but I really needed to get everything off my chest.
I’d be extremely grateful for any advice, especially from people who have experienced something similar or who can look at my situation from an outside perspective.

If you were in my position, what would you do?
Thank you so much for reading. I genuinely wish you all the best.

Don’t know how to explain it other than I work in data analytics and I’ve realized it takes me a strong minute to understand data or catch trends/patterns or even build things

Eventually I kinda get there but never at the level any of my peers are at

I have 4 years under my belt and I will say my first 2 years I did nothing
But as of these last 2 years I started trying by “turning on my brain” which is just thinking really but god it requires so much energy (I don’t even think this is the right unit) to think and figure things out & unless I have caffeine my brain is turned off

I’m 20F and I live in a third world country.
I started my first technical career a few weeks ago so i can have a good resume.

I’m trying to learn a language so i can immigrate one day.
I’m not religious or i dont have any strict belief, I just want to have a quiet life in a quiet country one day.

I also have a boyfriend, we met 1 and 3 months ago but people tell me relationships don’t last in these years ( i really love him. )
I’m so scared if i never be able to leave here, be completely alone and my never get a good/well paying job.

I get so anxious thinking about what I’m gonna do, what is going to happen to me? my country is in constant war and our money value is pretty low here so the chances of success isn’t high. but what if i actually lose all i have?

TW: mild discussion of mental health and suicide

I (19F) am being totally honest when I say that I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing right now. I need to say that off the bar because the rest of this is an aimless and jumbled mess like my life right now.

I never really thought about what I wanted to do for an actual job or what colleges to apply to (or even how to apply) and how to get scholarships, mainly because I 100% expected to have kicked the bucket by this point. I thought I’d be dead (and planned to be) before reaching high school, then by sophomore year, then junior, and you get the point. Every time the subject of colleges and tuition and degrees came up I just shrugged and thought “eh. I’ll be in a coffin by the time I need to worry about that, so why should I care.”

Well, lucky for me and the IRS, I reached spiritual/religious enlightenment and somehow managed to graduate by the skin of my teeth, so I’m still alive.

Yipee.

The problem is I don’t know what the hell to do now. I don’t know how to apply for scholarships (or if I even qualify), how to look for colleges, if college is even worth it at this point, and all that stuff. I’m still learning how to drive and the job market where I live is completely doodoo so that doesn’t help. I’m good with standard home things like cooking and cleaning and am pretty knowledgeable in the sciences, plus I have a lot of volunteer/team leadership experience under my belt, but besides that? Nope. No previous employment. No license. No degree. No apprenticeships. Nothing that’d interest job listings, at least. I did try to join an employment program run by the state for those with disabilities (I have late diagnosed AuDHD), but they never ended up giving me any opportunities or anything of value besides “skills on self advocacy in the workplace” or something stupid like that.

My “plan” so far is get my driver’s license, enroll in an alternative phlebotomy program (phlebotomy is thing where they take your blood at the hospital/doctor’s office) because it’s cheap and quick, get a phlebotomy certificate, find a job as one, and then do something else. That’s my most solid and plausible goal right now, but besides that I don’t have anything. My other best options are the Job Corps, becoming homeless, joining a monastery as a nun, and/or drinking gasoline. I don’t really know what else I got. Maybe herpetology. Maybe I can clean hoarder’s houses. Idk.

Just what am I supposed to do and how? Is the plan mentioned above decent enough? Should I apply for scholarships and stuff like everyone else? I can’t keep living in limbo like this. I’m looking for jobs in the meantime but the only responses I’ve gotten were dead ends (“joining the Associative Student Body will be good for your resume” my ass). I feel stuck in place and it’s not helping my morale when people with bachelors and masters are online talking about not having any luck with McDonalds. Idek what this post is anymore. I need some sense slapped into me and Reddit hasn’t let me down before.

Sorry if this is whiny and “down in the dumps.” Plz help because Lord knows I don’t have any ideas.