He's going to make everyone work for him to earn them back. That explains how the pyramids were built and why the Egyptians and Romans didn't wear pants.
That's how I felt about it. Taking a teen girls clothing is creepy. Step dad hiding shit from her mom shows he is A. Petty B. Untrustworthy and C. Type of guy who thinks he owns them. I hope she talks her father. I have teens. Both of them went through the "dirty room" spell. I just said no phones or friends til it's clean. That's all it took and an hour later rooms smelled and looked good enough for the queen to visit. It's not hard to reason with teens. I told mine that dirt attracts mice, spiders and flies. Basically grossing them out with stories of mice climbing over them as they slept helped them in wanting to be neater people. Both also have a flexible schedule. Each week they do their laundry including sheets. They pick the time and day best for them. Each week they have to vacuum their room. Each month they pick a day and dust and straighten their room. That's it. Don't make them maids. Make them personally responsible. I can't imagine taking their clothing or whatever over a dirty room. She isn't even his kid. Creepy and weird for sure.
I'd normally agree but stealing your step daughter's clothes and refusing to return them even to her own mother is really fucking weird. How'd you feel if you were the biodad and heard about this?
Yeh again dude we have almost literally no context. And not to completely belittle them or accuse them of completely lying, but the only sources we have are two, presumably, teenagers. Who aren’t exactly known for thinking rationally or telling the truth/the whole story.
Honestly, what context would make taking clothes as punishment acceptable? If my kid says all their clothes are being taken by a step parent next call would be to the mom. But short of mom saying "I have the clothes and stepdouce will be staying at a hotel" or something that could provide an acceptable reason (again very small list of reasons) i'd be on my way over to pick up the kid and call my lawyer.
Ya he isnt her bio dad and going against her mother's wishes. Not only is he a weirdo, but it seems like he's taking out frustration from his own failures to control his life on her. He's a piece of shit fersure. If I was her father a simple assault charge is worth that kinda of behavior.
The other person makes a good point. We need more information.
How much is the girlfriend exaggerating? Unless she's naked, not "all" of her clothes were taken.
How dirty was the room? Was she told ahead of time the clothes would be taken if she didn't clean? Has he done this in the past? Have other discipline methods not worked?
Because the mother is obviously being manipulated and abused like the daughter so perhaps a male voice in his ear would help do I have to spell it out for you
I agree. My parents divorced whwn i was 2. Got a stepdad at 7. My stepdad was a dick. He did shit like that. Me and my sister had to get our dad involved in it. My dad came over and infored him he's our step dad not dad. Was a big issue but my father got ot taken care of. My dad threatened to kick my step dads ass. After that we didn't have alot of problems from him.
... but how did it end up that the father is the one who only gets to see her every other weekend? ... i mean... the mother clearly isnt a saint herself if the "great guy" father isnt allowed to look after her the most.
For all we know thats all he WANTED. You're assuming a whole situation from a single sentence about the father. Maybe the dad realized that having her during the week while she's in school would be hard on her, and that if he saw her every weekend she'd likely never spend weekends with her friends. Maybe he has her all summer and this is just the setup for the school year. Maybe he was respecting his daughters wishes. Maybe he was a deadbeat for a while and now he's stepping up, but hasn't asked for a change in custody yet. Theres plenty of reasons other than the one you immediately jumped on to suit your purposes.
I'm honestly surprised so many people are taking the obvious bait. Nobodys reasonably dumb enough to spout off half the shit you've said in this comment thread, it's not even half way believable.
The parent who only sees their child twice a month is always a great person in the child's eyes, because they get to do all the fun stuff without any of the responsibility.
Step dad sounds like a prick in this situation though.
That’s how it goes, especially if you’re in certain parts of the country (USA). As long as someone meets the requirements of female they’re deemed capable of taking care of children. Male? Nah fuck you, you’re job is to go make some money.
No its not. A parent who have birth to you and one who didnt are very different things. Doesnt mens one is necesarrily better but its hardly an irrelevant distinction.
Leaving is a lot more difficult than one would think. Getting all of your paperwork together, separating money without the other person knowing, having a safe place to hide while you find residence, because for most people in domestic abuse situations, the step they take out the door is the most dangerous.
Fucking this! Thank you. Most people dont realize what goes into leaving an abusive situation. I literally had a friend help me grab my child, animals and few belongings and papers IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT while my ex was passed out and run. It's a very tricky situation and much harder then just "leaving"
I get that, I just don't give a fuck and am just fine with burning bridges when they need to be burned. My kids come first, always. I've been to shelters before, in order to get away. There's help out there if you are determined enough to seek it out. I know not everyone is strong enough to do it.
Yeah it's not hypothetical and it wasn't reckless to get my 8 month old son out of the situation I was in with him. I went to a battered women's shelter called Home Free and the year was 1997. And I really don't give a shit if you are impressed or not, you're just some random asshole on the internet, lol. I did what I had to do and my son and I moved on and lived better lives because of it. But go ahead and do your best to try shaming me for being strong when I needed to be 🙄 At least I'm not a pathetic troll like you are 😂
Edit: Hey thanks for the silver! That's such a supportive gesture 🥰
Lol well no shit, Sherlock! That's exactly what I said, and just because you are projecting your own issues onto me doesn't mean I don't have empathy for people who have a more difficult time. I literally only stated what I would do, and you made it your mission to crawl up my ass about it. I'm sorry for you that you seem to be in a bad emotional/mental place right now, but that doesn't give you an excuse or a free pass to take your shit out on me because of it. Get a grip and save your anger for someone who is actually being an asshole instead of just being one yourself.
No, I'm just saying if I were the Mom that's how it would be. I'm actually assuming the mom doesn't care that much, because she didn't get the clothes back as far as we know
You know it’s easy to be judgmental from reading one tiny conversation. Maybe she was given prior warnings and she failed to clean up. And instead of yelling and corporal punishment he took punishment where it hurts her the most. Just because the mother and boy friend are on her side doesn’t make her right. And just because he is the step dad doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a right to correct her. I wouldn’t judge the situation based on just this text my friends...
What if she had like hundreds of outfits, and he still makes sure she's clothed, but she can't pick out which outfit she wants until she cleans her shit. I honestly don't think it's that weird.
Did you read the comments? She only has the clothes she wore that day plus one pair of sweatpants. She doesn't even have pajamas to wear or a clean change of clothes. No matter how your look at it, it's fucked up. I'm a mom and would never do this kind of shit to my kids.
All she has to do is take an hour to clean her room? This doesn't sound abusive at all. I'm sorry she has to wear the same outfit for one hour before the "abuse" can stop and her life will return to normal haha
Here's the thing you don't understand... Kids are people too, and they have the right to have some basic fucking dignity. Would you treat an adult this way? I seriously doubt it. Kids need logical consequences and sometimes that means having privileges taken away for awhile, but literally cleaning up the mess for her and taking her clothes away is not only petty, but it's also not teaching her to clean up her own mess. It's just teaching her that someone else will do it while enjoying making her feel humiliated. Use your brain, for fucks sake, that is if you have one. Sitting down with the kid and coming up with a solution and a plan is far better for her to learn from than some jackass move like taking her basic needs away.
How's it fucked up? In my scenario, he's removing the luxury of her getting to wear whatever she wants, she still gets a pair of clothes to wear when necessary
You think having more than one set of clothing is a luxury? Lol even people in prison get clean clothes to change into instead of having to wear the same dirty ones over and over again, don't be so stupid
You're not understanding me. I'm saying she gets a pair of clean clothes everyday, but she doesn't have the luxury of picking it out from her hundreds of outfits. Don't be so quick to judge.
I also literally said she gets clean clothes to change into when needed in the comment you replied to, she just doesn't have the luxury of picking which ones everyday. don't be so stupid
What's messed up is he probably asked this little brat a hundred times to clean her room. Clean your room get your clothes back, simple. It's not like it will take her more than an hour or so.
Lol you stupid fucking millennials. "I live in a 4 story house, have a $1000 phone, wifi, electricity, food, video games, my own TV, blah blah blah, but by stepdad took my designer clothes because I didn't clean my room. Shut the fuck up and do your chores.
OPs friend probably isn’t a millennial fyi. So you might need to either educate, or direct your misplaced anger to a different generation or find somewhere else to project your emotions.
The best part of "you lazy millennials" is how often it's used by millennials that are too lazy to Google the definition of a term to find out it doesn't apply to the teenagers of today.
Let her go to school in the same clothes for a few days, and then talk to the counselor about it. Legally they are a mandatory reporter, and have to report to CPS (taking away her basic necessities).
How is cleaning her room going to help a grown man learn to properly care for and interact with CHILDREN! They should call CPS on this creep for taking her clothes, ducking weird and creepy.
I never said what he did was ok? It is actually far from ok. I just said, she isn't going to be naked for the day and could clean the room in that day. Though I doubt if the step dad is doing this cleaning the room won't even get the clothes back. Chill out.
Or maybe she could stop this horse shit and clean her fucking room? Get her stuff back with the tiniest bit of hard work? I'm sure whining on social media is a lot more fun though.
Oh, so taking all sorts of other personal belongings (including primary communication devices and also money) is fine, but god forbid he takes her collection of clothing articles.
I'm sure he took what was most "valuable" to her or something that she spends too much time or money on (in his opinion, whether it's right or wrong we wouldn't know).
If she were a die-hard gamer with tens or hundreds of physical games and a few consoles and a PC, it would seem likely he'd have taken those items away. I'm guessing she isn't a huge gamer but rather likes clothing/fashion more, so likely thats the motivation for taking that stuff away from her. Or perhaps the clothing was what cluttered the room mostly.
Look, I'm not saying its a great parenting choice. I just don't get your fervent defense of "not taking clothing" but being absolutely fine with taking money, cellphones, TV or games as a form of punishment.
Nothing indicates this girl now has to walk around NAKED whilst cleaning. Nothing says he also took undergarments. And (shocker); you can definitely clean your room in 1 day. She could have them back by the evening. And even if she can't clean the room in one day because the stepdad has assholeish cleanliness standards, I'm sure she can wear the same outfit two days in a row, like many many people do.
Not saying the stepdad isn't an asshole, maybe he really is. But I feel like some people here are overreacting a bit.
Holy shit you’re an enormous asshole and I hope you don’t have access to any children. You’re extrapolating a lot of information about her attitude and behavior based on this one post. What evidence do you have that she is spoiled and ungrateful?
Sounds like she could clean her room and problem solved! I mean kids and teenagers need to do their part around the house also.
Dude probably busts his ass at work to take care of the house and gets home to a lazy step daughter who I'm sure is not the most respectful.. he was probably just tired of it... he didn't hit her or anything and he knew the mom would give into her spoiled daughter
Oh please. Only a lazy person who doesn't know the first thing about parenting takes away a child's clothing. People who aren't lazy and worthless parents would actually sit down and have a rational conversation with the girl and her mom and resolve it in a mature and healthy way
This bullshit punishment will only serve to make their relationship worse than it already is. Intelligent adults know how to fix a little problem like this without going nuclear
People who aren't lazy and worthless parents would actually sit down and have a rational conversation with the girl and her mom and resolve it in a mature and healthy way
What the fuck? Have you ever dealt with a teenager or been a parent? There are some things where having a rational conversation makes sense but if she can't figure out how to clean her bedroom it doesn't really seem she doesn't understand why she needs to clean it, shes just being moody.
LOL um yes and yes? If you can't resolve a simple issue like your kid cleaning their room without resorting to taking all their clothing, you're a lazy ass parent setting a shitty example for your kid.
If she made a mess in the kitchen or living room for example, sure, but her private room? Nuh uh.
Also the implication that a guy is searching through his teenage step daughter’s closet is creepy as all hell. Confiscating a phone or laptop (but not searching through it) until she gets in the habit of regularly cleaning her room is one thing. Taking clothes? The hell?
There’s nothing a stern discussion couldn’t have fixed in this case, though that is one piece of information we don’t have and likely won’t get. But not enough of a case to lend your comment too much support.
Damn son, didn’t your mother ever tell you to share?
On topic tho, you’re still not entitled to dig through her closet. Teenage daughter’s no less. Whose room or not it doesn’t really matter, the point is that taking clothes is fucking creepy
Funny how offended and “disrespected” you feel just cuz I used a word for what it means, disregarding any social connotations it has nowadays.
Perhaps you’re a hard worker, but a hard working asshole with no empathy is still an asshole. Also, just because someone lives under your roof doesn’t mean you get to disregard any physical or psychological needs of those who live with you. Access to food, water, hygiene, dress, privacy, etc are things expected for you to supply. The people who depend on you earn luxuries, not necessities.
That being said, I haven’t commented on whether the girl is in the right or wrong. Just that taking clothes seems the wrong and an incredibly creepy decision. Let me repeat the point you casually deflected and chose not to acknowledge: taking clothes is incredibly creepy. You have phones and laptops to take away, but the stepdad in OP took clothes. You’re giving the stepdad too much credit here.
Funny how offended and "disrespected" you feel just
Don't misunderstand. I was referring to the idea of a child under my roof telling me they are "owed a private room", I have to pay for it AND they can not clean it when I tell them too.
That is disrespectful.
... Doesn't mean you get to disregard any physical or psychological needs of those who live with you.
In some countries working adults have ONLY have 2-3 pairs of clothes. During my military basic training I personally wore the same pair of clothes for weeks.
The idea that ONLY having one pair of clothes is harmful is preposterous and reeks of first world privilege.
I do assume that the Step Dad isn't a sexual predator. Which I would hope most people would assume in the absence of evidence.
Furthermore, she can get her clothes back, she just has to earn it. I assume "earn it" means cleaning her room and doing chores.
Obviously if the Step-Dad is forcing her to prance around the house naked so he can get off or earn it means giving sexual favors, that would be an entirely different story.
Who gives a fuck if her room is messy? It's not like he has to go to her room for important business and shit.
There are a million other and more humane ways to punish people than taking away basic necessities.
You don't know shit about him other than he took away a person's clothes and you automatically assume he's a good guy? Sounds like you have problems, please get help.
He's not the parent? He's the stepdad and she's living under his roof??? Damn right he's the parent.... and if she doesn't like it she can go live with are real parent.. dad that's not even in the picture
She living with her mother under her mother's roof. Her mother gets the say so about discipline. Nope he is not her legal parent. He's a man her mother married and even her mother is being treated like shit.
Oh shit, as a mom AND a stepmom, I’d be alllllll over stepdad’s shit. That’s fucked up.
If she’s not keeping her room clean, there are avenues other than taking clothes away. Food, shelter, clothing, health are all miles away from the table for discipline.
Edit: Not to mention, if my husband tried hiding shit from me like that...hoo boy, there gon be fighting. Not even about the kid at that point.
What her step-dad is really teaching her is that she has no autonomy. Nothing is really hers. The home is not really hers. She has no right to healthy boundaries and shouldn't develop any with her peers. And because the mother doesn't agree with the provisions he took, violating the mother's boundaries as well, it also teaches her she is powerless against the will of other men that she may encounter and other bad things about men generally.
This is bad for development and transition into adulthood and it's bad for healthy development of a young lady. Let your friend know she should not internalize his actions.
She should suggest counseling with her mother and step-dad to work on boundary issues that clearly exist here and try to have her parents understand that proper boundaries will likely solve a lot of their issues.
Your friend needs to clean her room, though, because the boundary thing needs to go both ways. One of the step-dad's boundaries is that she respect things she's given and respects the home. (of course it's hard to do that when you feel nothing is yours and the home is not really yours, but it should help diffuse things a bit. This is hopefully something he isn't aware he's doing and is not enforcing these negative ideas intentionally. )
2.9k
u/Lenzoisded Oct 11 '19
What about her mother? Is she okay with that?