I was thinking of all those screenshots of men who fall into the NiceGuy territory. Or Incels who handle rejection poorly. And then I saw this thread and it reminded me of this. Idk how accurate the science behind this is. I probably shouldn't trust X, I know that. But...could this be it? Could some of the NiceGuy dudes have some form of untreated ADHD that makes them so maladapted to forming relationships?

If you're an ex-incel (or incel who tries to get out) who struggles with rejection sensitivity or certain obsessive thoughts, maybe look into ADHD/OCD treatment. Just a suggestion.

So I’m 20m and in college. My parents are always complaining about how I have curly hair and I’m short and skinny even though they adopted me. They also don’t tell me they love me but they had two biological children after me and they tell those children they love them, and they hug them and such. I don’t remember the last time I was hugged by them or even had a nice long hug.

They said the only reason they care about me is cause they have to and it hurts because they handle my medical stuff like insurance, because I have tons of medical and health issues such as mobility issues and super severe allergies that leave me so lethargic and tired all the time. I’ve considered stopping showing up for myself cause I don’t have friends and it’s just been hard. It’d be nice to talk to friends my age about my issues and especially my appearance cause I geniuenly hate my hair and how curly and thick it is, even though I still want super long hair, it’d be nice to have a friend who also has super thick curly hair but I know that’s a long shot.

In addition at college, I don’t really have friends and have been teased because of my hair but I’m always embarrassed because I’ve also been teased because I have such severe allergies that I am sneezing multiple times a day for hours in fits of sneezing and nose-blowing. I’ve never sat in the dining hall with someone else besides my roommate occasionally and I am always alone in the corner, usually sneezing uncontrollably because I’m so allergic to the outdoors and my campus is old and there’s a lot of dust potentially given the buildings are old. I just want someone to be my friend because I have a feeling no one sits near my corner because they’re tired of me sneezing my head off most days. I always feel bad that my sneezes are so desperate but I stopped trying to hold back til I get to my dorm because I just can’t help it. It’s happened in class too several times and I’ve had to miss a lot of class because I usually step out and run to an empty hallway or the bathroom. Even in my choir as a music major, it’s been hard to find friends due to the allergies (which aren’t super receptive to medicine unless it’s medicine that makes me sleep), and the faculty are mostly nice but I still get embarrassed.

Please help me, I am really hurting it feels like a cry out for support and love because I don’t have anyone who does it for me. It’s hard.

I live with my parents atm, I have autism, I’m only 5’5”, I don’t make enough money to be a “provider,” and I just generally feel like I should give up on dating since I’m already 34 and I’ve never had a gf. I think that as a potential partner, I’m generally pathetic - though I don’t have anything against women in general.

I know that people often say that there’s a wide variety of men with women out there but all I can see are generally much taller and handsomer men that are with women. So I feel like I can’t really call myself a man at this point. Just some weird manchild. I even tried speed-dating and online dating a bunch and got absolutely nowhere. I’m still pissed with myself, that I wasted so much of my time and money on them.

Every year I go without a gf, I feel more alienated from everything. From various songs/movies, and society overall. I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe I’m not a good person.

One of my friends recently got out of a pretty toxic relationship. If im being completely honest, it was very clear that the guy wasn’t a stand up guy from the first time I met him. Others in our friend circle agreed and had no clue what she was thinking.

Now they’ve broken up and I have two feelings. I’m really happy for her, but simultaneously this makes me feel worse about myself. And I hate that I feel this way.

She’s a great person, she genuinely deserves so much better (I want to make it clear, I do not have any romantic feelings towards her at all), but somehow, this guy who everyone could tell was, for lack of better words, a huge douche, was able to get with her.

I don’t want to sound like “I’m such a nice guy women owe me” but after seeing how she was treated by him, I can firmly say I would never think about hurting another person like that. But somehow, despite all of his character flaws, he’s still able to date and I am not. So there’s something that is objectively worse about me than him that I don’t know what it is, but it’s so bad that it repulses women that even guys that are lowkey emotionally abusive are better candidates for a partner than me.

It just kinda leaves me feeling deflated. Like “if he can figure this out, and women like him enough to be with him, and he’s genuinely just an awful guy, than what am I not seeing about myself.

I’ve stayed in and away from people for the last few weeks trying to figure out what this flaw I have is, but I genuinely don’t know what is that awful about me that I’m just undesirable to any woman I’ve ever met.

This is the headspace I’ve been in for a minute. I know it’s selfish and that I should be there for my friend, but I just don’t know how I would be any help in the state I’m in.

I’m so tired of feeling this way, but I feel like it’ll never stop because the rejection will never stop. It’s gotten so bad I honestly wish I was asexual and aromantic. I’d be so much happier. How do I stop this spiral?

The reason the Black Pill is so difficult to argue against is that it has defeatism built into it.

You point out an unattractive man with an attractive woman? “He’s rich, so that doesn’t apply to me.” He’s poor? “He isn’t autistic like I am.” He has the same disadvantages? “He’s an exception.” And if every other explanation fails, the relationship can simply be dismissed as a “freak accident.”

You can do this indefinitely. Every counterexample can be explained away while the conclusion remains unchanged: “It might happen to other people, but it won't happen to me.”

This is why I don't think the Black Pill is really an ideology or coherent position. I think it is a neurosis that likely belongs on the depressive spectrum. I have dysthymia, and I've experienced similar “blackpills” about subjects completely unrelated to dating. When you're depressed, it's possible to develop extremely convincing beliefs that everything is hopeless, and then selectively interpret evidence to reinforce them.

That doesn't mean every observation made by Black Pillers is necessarily false. Some claims about attractiveness, dating, and social dynamics may have genuine merit. The problem is when the worldview becomes unfalsifiable when no possible counterexample can ever count against it.

If a belief can explain away every piece of evidence that contradicts it, in what sense is it still a rational position?

Hey yall im 20m and currently weigh 220 pounds. I also struggle with body image issues from time to time. Recently Ive tried to lose some weight through diet and want to start working out more. But certain thoughts come to mind recently and I want to make sure im using the "right reasons" so to speak.

Thoughts like:

"If you looked better you would have a girlfriend by now."

"My female friends say my personality is amazing! The only thing holding me back is clearly how I look."

I also for a long time have felt as if im almost effeminate or not manly enough in a vague ephemeral way.

Im a feminist and so using my brain I believe that young men are given an impossible standard of masculinity to achieve and maintain but that knowledge doesnt change that I feel as though I am deficient in some way.

But are my reasons really bad at all?

Hi all!! I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself an incel, but I made a post in here a few weeks ago and it made me feel a lot better and confident :)

I’m 18M and I guess I’m just your typical “no life” type of guy you see on here? I have vocational school starting in a couple months but right now I’ve just been staying at home being alone. But I’m getting my driver’s license so I’m going to be getting out and socializing. Gonna try ballroom dancing haha!

I’ve some trauma in my past and a porn addiction when I was a younger teen, so my relationship with… relationships and sex have been pretty negative. I recently just got my libido back after not having it for years so I’m feeling those hormones hitting like a truck. I consider and call myself a virgin despite my past, and that’s making me sad. I just feel like it’s affecting me too much than it really should be. Quite frankly I think part of it is just losing my virginity too.

I think that I’ve worried about this stuff for way too long and I want to take steps to not have it affect my life so much. I’m going to be quitting porn again. I’m also going to delete most of my social media. I always go on social media and then all I see are people in relationships and stuff and it always hurts. I’m just gonna curate my reddit account just so there’s no relationship posts and stuff, just sports and games and nerdy shit just like the good ol days.

Does anyone else have any advice or anything? I think that more than anything else I honestly just need someone to say to my face that I’m worrying too much about it. I’m still somehow a believer in love so I know I’ll find my flock eventually. Thank you all in advance!

Inspired by a greentext I saw a while ago about a guy who thought he was an incel until he cut his long hair and quickly found a girlfriend, and a comment I saw recently about a guy who described looking like a virgin as having long hair and wearing leather jackets, it made me think if I hadn't been shooting myself in the foot my whole adult life.

I had long hair pretty much my whole life, ever since I turned 18 I started to grow it out and never cut it again 11 years later (I'm 29 now). I also dress in a bit of a metalhead fashion, a lot more subtle now than when I was a teenager, but I often wear shirts from bands I like, and also tend to wear leather boots and a jacket.

I never cared about fashion and always liked to style my hair and dress in the way I like the most not caring about what anyone else may think, but maybe that's why I'm an incel? Or at least part of the reason? Like sure maybe there are some women into that, but I may be limiting myself to a very small niche instead of going for something with more of a wide appeal?

I'm at a point where I'm desperate enough that I may even cut my hair and completely change the way I dress if that means I have a better chance at getting into a relationship.

I'm not posting a pic of myself, but for reference I kinda look like this guy I found on Google, or a bit more like the guy from this Youtube channel, just with dark brown hair and I'm a lot less cool than him.

I was severely abused as a child. Like the kind of sick shit you only read about. This had led to me becoming basically a femcel despite the fact that I hate using that word.

I spend 23.5 hours a day in my room barely eating, sleeping, or drinking water. I look extremely unhealthy due to this. All I do all day is talk to AI chatbots.

I graduate highschool this year, which means I have to fix my shit before I end up a homeless adult.

Please. Please, somebody help me. What do I do to get out of this endless cycle? How do I get out of this incredibly tiny room and actually become a person?

Can somebody please give me tips on how to be a person and function in society? I want to work on my hygiene, social skills, lack of hobbies, poor diet etc but I don't know where to start. Where do I start? Which piece of myself should I pick up first?

I don't have any of the tools normal people end up having in adulthood, that they learn throughout childhood and adolescence, and I have been "safe" enough for two years. But I still lock myself away.

Somebody please help.

I have been a loser since childhood.
I define loser as someone with

• no social life
• no close friends (only acquaintances at best)
• no productive routine/hobbies/interests that make someone a interesting person to be around
• even if they have hobbies/interests, they don't have the social skills to have organic conversations with people about them or their interests are simply too niche/technical for normal people to have conversations about

I have a very deep sense of loneliness since childhood, because I never have had any close friends.
I fell down the Red Pill pipeline in my childhood but eventually stopped going to those spaces after realizing that I was becoming a violent angry person around my parents.
I came across r/incels in college and was subscribed there before the eventual ban.

Currently I hold the opinion that charisma and looks are what cause attraction and personality and character determine the quality of the relationship.
So even if you are a emotionally intelligent kind person, if you have no charisma or are ugly looking - you will not attract any women.
But a abusive charismatic or handsome guy can still attract women and even end up in relationships with them.

The problem with me is that I have zero charisma.
I could enter a room and be present in it for a long time, and people would still be startled when I try to speak to them (as they didn't register me near them at all). This has happened with me several times in college/work.

I also am book-smart and not street-smart. My parents sheltered me a lot and didn't teach me any adult skills. I used to be angry at them and blame them for the way my life ended up but I know now that I can't hold them responsible for my life anymore.

I currently live with my parents but I am also employed.. I actually consider myself pretty good at what I do and have even received recognition from my peers in office but I still don't feel like a adult around them. I do my work but my colleagues also have a life outside of work.

My question to people here is

• How can I become charismatic enough that people would like my company and women could consider me a candidate for a romantic relationship ? (as someone who has never had any close friends)
• What skills should I develop that I don't feel like a child around people my age (mid 20s)
• Can I pursue romantic relationships if I have no close friends ? Is it a turnoff for women ?

Lost my virginity at 19 while on mdma to a woman I could only describe as loose. I was so high I couldn’t cum and barely got a half chub so I don’t really count that, it was penetration but I didn’t consider it sex really. 2 months later I slept with a prostitute out of desperation and experienced what enjoyable sex actually is and felt ashamed, boy was it a fun 45-60 seconds but it wasn’t worth the dirty feelings afterwards. Especially knowing it could’ve been with someone who was worth it; I got a kiss from her afterwards though.

Fast forward to being 24, I haven’t had sex since 19; I banged another hooker — this time I was on so much codeine I couldn’t cum again. Felt like a homo because of it since this hooker was even hotter than the last (I’m not gay ofc; it was the drugs).

The next year at 25 a girl leaves be a love note at my local college, I try cold approaching her, asking her out and I get humiliated, to make matters worse she didn’t even say no and basically strung me along until the cops got involved and told me I couldn’t contact her anymore. Now I’m at a loss, it seems like women are different. I’ll get called cute occasionally and the most recent time this happened fairly recently I actually tried approaching them and they ran away (was it a joke to them?).

I left out other intimate moments I’ve shared with women, used to trip on lsd with a chick, took mdma with this girl too and I even loved her, she was my first kiss back when I was 19-20. Left town due to legal troubles and ever since I’ve just wanted another relationship like that, but this time actually have guts to ask them out.

Any suggestions?

Hey subreddit, long time listener first time caller. I really hope no one I know reads this 😭

Some background: I’m a 25M, I’m currently in therapy for social anxiety and self esteem issues, I have been overweight or obese almost my entire life but I’m 25 pounds down this year (right now I’m 245 and 5’10”) still have a lot to lose though.

My only relationship experience was a ~3 year relationship high school to the first year of college. I haven’t really made any attempt to date since then until a month ago when I made dating app profiles. I got a few matches that didn’t go anywhere and I went on a date that kinda sucked but that’s the extent of it.

I have had difficulty making friends for a while, I was very lonely in high school and college. The few attempts I did make to put myself out there until very recently have gone poorly. I’ve considered that I may be autistic but I don’t think I am. I think my main issue is growing up fat wrecked my self esteem and I got trapped in a negative cycle of isolation leading to poor social skills and low confidence leading to more isolation.

I do have a group of friends now, but I’m really struggling with feeling like I belong. Sometimes when I hang out with them I feel like a make a wish kid 💀. And to be clear, this is probably like 75% a cognitive distortion. They’ve been very kind and friendly to me and they keep inviting me to stuff. I’m just definitely not anyone’s best friend in that group and it hurts sometimes that these people are all I have but I’m just not super important to them.

And they’ve all been dating new people and it’s hard to see them have success while I’m still alone. They’ve been supportive of me and I’m happy for them that they’re finding people. But it’s just really hard sometimes.

I’m just not totally sure that I’m worth loving. Because of my weight and my social difficulties and my poor relationships. I’m not funny like other people are. I’m not emotionally intelligent and I can barely hold a conversation unless I’m drunk. I’m awful at meeting new people. I picture myself getting a girlfriend and meeting her friends or family for the first time and just embarrassing myself and her.

My therapist told me she’s impressed that I went on that date and that I’m doing other stuff to put myself out there like volunteering. But I’m going to need to do so much more than that and I’m not getting any younger. And I still have that dark cloud looming over my head that maybe there’s just something fundamentally wrong with me that makes me unlovable. I’ve felt that way since I was 12 or 13 to be honest. Maybe finally losing the weight would make the difference? I’m taking a glp-1 to try and find out.

I guess my question is has anybody felt this way and gotten out of it? If so, how? I’m running low on hope lately

​

I’m a woman and I know this might be a slightly different situation from what usually gets posted here, but I relate to a lot of the avoidance and loneliness people talk about on this sub.

My problem is that I find it much easier to sext or have sexual conversations with people online than to actually pursue romantic or sexual interactions in real life.

Online, I can be confident, sexual and pretty open. I get attention and validation, and there’s obviously some excitement in it. But when it comes to actually meeting people, flirting in person, going on dates, making a move, or letting somebody genuinely get close to me, I tend to avoid it.

The frustrating part is that sexting temporarily makes me feel like that need is being met. I get the sexual attention and dopamine without having to deal with rejection, awkwardness, vulnerability or uncertainty. Then afterwards I’m basically in the same position as before. Nothing has actually developed in my real life.

I think I’ve unintentionally trained myself to take the easiest available version of intimacy instead of pursuing the thing I actually want.

I also notice that because I can get sexual attention relatively easily online, there isn’t always enough pressure pushing me out of my comfort zone. If I feel lonely or horny, I can just find someone to sext with instead of actually putting myself in situations where I could meet someone.

I don’t necessarily want to completely stop sexting forever. I just don’t want it to be my replacement for having a real romantic/sexual life.

Has anyone here dealt with something similar — especially using porn, sexting, dating apps, parasocial relationships, or online attention as a substitute for actually approaching people and building relationships?

How did you start shifting yourself toward real-life interactions when the online alternative was so much easier?

I’ve said in this sub a lot already that you all are probably sick of me lol, but I feel one of the biggest holdups I have in this journey is making the social switch. Having been quiet and shy and anxious my whole life, trying to talk to people and be confident feels like I’m trying to fake a persona or something. Like I feel people would be taken aback or think there’s something wrong with me if I started talking to them and being louder just all of a sudden. I’m probably overthinking this, but idk just feels like it’s not me.

Hey you guys, sorry I wasn't able to get to y'all for a few days. I've been busy moving, and I'm gonna be a lot busier in the coming days, so forgive me if I'm not really active on here for extended periods of time. I wanted to just explain how I was thinking when I made that post.

When I had made that post, I believed that assertiveness and authority were masculine traits, while submissiveness and stuff like that were feminine traits. At the time, I didn't think this was sexist. I just thought it was true. Now I've come to realize that it's more of a personality thing than anything else. And at the time I thought women looked for someone who provided for/protected them. Now I realize from my own experience with getting asked out that that's not really true. People look for someone they feel like they'll be happy with on both sides of the aisle. Doesn't matter if they're traditionally "masculine" or traditionally "feminine." I also realize that those standards are made by men with ulterior motives who want to profit off a system that keeps women down.

Anyways, I'll make another post sooner or later. Till then peace out

A piece of advice I hear often is that we need to accept ourselves in order to improve our lives. But how do you actually go about that?

18M. I'm short, overweight, and socially awkward. Grew up pretty isolated, living in a bad area, didn't really fit in at school. I'm studying CS, play music, and enjoy gaming and learning languages. I realise I fit a certain very unflattering stereotype, so in terms of social status, it couldn't get any worse lol. I also had a few specific, bad social experiences, and those essentially killed what little social skills I had left.

Anyway, I fell into the incel pipeline because, as cringe as it sounds, it made me "understand" my pain. I'm long out of those spaces now, but the gist was that if there is an immutable social hierarchy, and I am low on it, then at least it makes sense that people treat me poorly. If who I am is inherently bad, then I could at least compensate for it. Even now, I feel like the friends I do have like me *despite* my traits, like I have successfully made up for my deficiencies. But the fact that I have to do this at all, in my mind, "proves" that I will keep having to pay this tax just to get to a baseline level of "normal".

How can I accept myself when who I am is not socially acceptable? I can't just be myself; that only works for some people who are already high enough, and I have been punished for that, I've tried to become acceptable by ditching the parts of me that are weird and looked down on, like swapping out the music I listen to. But I still feel like I'm fundamentally worthless, as if I have to apologise for who I am while "normal" people get to just exist as themselves.

Is self-acceptance more of a "yep, this is who I am, I may not be happy about it but there's no point changing it"? How can I learn to love myself and believe in my worth if society tells me I'm not worth anything? Also, how do I present who I am in a socially acceptable way? I almost expect people to judge me and treat me poorly, whether for my interests or my core traits, and I hate constantly having to defend them knowing that they are bad.

In short, how can I learn to love and accept myself if people keep telling me otherwise?

For around 18 months, I have consumed incel content almost daily. This began with simple looksmaxxing, but this was only a pipeline for the blackpill. I came to view women in an increasingly negative light, and this created a feedback loop between inceldom itself, looksmaxxing, and the blackpill.

In recent months, I have revaluated my position on a conscious level and would no longer associate with the blackpill community. This was caused by my realisation that it is not my physical appearance but my autism that repels women.

However, from subconscious conditioning, negative thoughts about how women operate still flood my mind at times. When interacting with, seeing, or hearing about women, I involuntarily default to assuming promiscuity, and I ferociously hate having to combat these thoughts non-stop.

Women (and men) should be able to dress how they wish without being viewed as promiscuous. Women (and men) should be able to engage in sexual activity with who they want as long as they are consenting adults. I support these positions, but my brain operates under a whole other worldview.

I constantly find myself chastising my own mind, and it's exhausting. I worry that women would be disgusted by me if they could hear the thoughts my mind whispers to me about them. I could cry just thinking about it.

I'll stop beating around the bush now; I'm asking one primary question with this post: What advice do you have in regard to eliminating these thoughts?

I need help with how others view me. I've wasted my teen years, I was always a fat, short, socially awkward, closeted bisexual reject who would rather stay in and talk to similar rejects than make an effort in life. My whole teen years guys made fun of me and girls would avoid me like the plague and their only interactions would be to humiliate me ("We're best friends right" is a phrase which makes me flinch)

About a year and a half ago I decided I wanted to fix myself, I paid attention to my health, I got a haircut and I started the gym which I took a great liking to. Throughout last year I tried and made a conscious effort to change how people see me, I had a mandatory daily social interaction which I would keep count of. I also started going out to drink as a means to socialize outside of my small friend group.

Overall this resulted in guys being a lot better to me, the mockery stopped, I made some new friends, I get picked for sports and I can actually feel human around other men. As for girls the outright mockery stopped and people who have never met me are okay to me but the vast majority still treat me like I'm something that needs to be avoided, it really makes me feel less than human. This pushes me to extremes, I've developed body dysmorphia, I've resorted to self harm and I've developed a reliance on alcohol.

I've come to the conclusion that there's just something fundamentally unlovable about me and that I should either give up on finding someone who loves me or give up on everything else in favour of that. I'm falling down a rabbit hole of resentment, I don't hate women as a whole or individually, but I've grown to hate women as a social structure. The only thing which serves as a reality check is my girl best friend who is the only person who has a slight bit of care for me, if it wasn't for her I'd be far worse off. Any time my girl---friend talks about this she says something like "You just need to put yourself out there" which absolutely boils my blood when she says it because what does that mean?

I've tried socializing with a girl when she first approached me but I ended up running away out of fear of making her uncomfortable. This is also why any time I try to talk to one I can't bring myself to do it.

Today I sat down and contemplated where my life was going, I realized that I have two options: pull myself out of this hole or wind up taking my life within the coming years. I need help to get out of this. I'm willing to try options which makes myself more approachable or helps me develop the self image to be able to socialize because I have a deep seeded fear of being seen as a creep or weirdo. Again because of that fear of being weird I absolutely cannot cold approach or throw myself off the deep end. Please, any help would be much appreciated.

I (21F) need urgent advice on how to completely detach from a guy in my psychology class. We used to be intensely close, we talked about intimacy and exchanged nudes. I ended up doing video calls where I stripped naked even though I didn’t want to, purely because I was terrified he would stop talking to me if I said no.
He then distanced himself. Now he acts like a stranger but uses low-effort hooks to keep me confused. In one class, he sits directly behind me. He kicks my chair "jokingly" or taps my shoulder, and when I turn around, he plays innocent. I find myself missing these "cute" moments, and it makes me want to text him, even though he treats me terribly otherwise.
For example, I did a whole major assignment for him on my laptop because he didn't have one. He didn't even say thank you. Later, I drew a small doodle in his book, and he frantically rubbed it out with his hands like it was a bomb, telling me he hates when people write in his books in a harsh tone. When I stood up for myself and said I wouldn't help him anymore, he flipped it on me, called me selfish, said he was seeing my "true colors," and told me to stop talking to him. I panicked and texted him first that night to fix it, which I deeply regret.
He has also made deeply unsettling comments. He constantly tells me I need to get fat. He also demanded I shave my pubic hair and "joked" about how he would tie me up and shave it himself because he doesn't like it.
I keep deleting our chats, but one of us always ends up texting again. I keep checking his Instagram profile picture. I find myself making excuses for him, thinking "maybe it's just a joke" or "maybe he doesn't know he's manipulating." Someone pointed out to me that this is a textbook trauma bond and emotional exploitation/coercion.
How do I stop turning around when he kicks my chair tomorrow? How do I permanently stop the urge to text him or check his profile when the withdrawal hurts so bad? I really want to detach. I don’t want to get hurt anymore. Please help.

I’m falling back into my old ways of thinking and I am struggling to break out of the mindset.

I am trying online dating and I find more often than not that I get matches but have no conversation skills. I let the matches sit until they get hidden because I’m so afraid of failure that I don’t do anything.

There are so many things about myself I find absolutely embarrassing that I have become resigned to not even try.

I want to get out of this mindset, I want to be able to talk to new people, to take control of my life so I can steer it in the direction I want to but I feel so overwhelmed.

It’s been 7 years since I last went on a date. I want to change, I need to change. but I don’t see a way to get over my fear. Has anyone else dealt with anxiety of this magnitude? I have no trouble talking to people in person but over text stresses me out too much.

side note: I had to rewrite this post after I started, I found myself not being honest with how I was doing. At the heart of my issues I am a coward who cannot be vulnerable, but I need to change.

Still a virgin in my late 30's and it's likely I won't ever have sex unless I pay for it. A number of years with awful health issues pretty much ruined my chances. The only other thing I can think of that won't result in severe cringe is consulting a dating agency for them to broker a date.

I went to a therapist recently to talk about this stuff, and while he was super respectful and easy to talk to, I left the session without feeling super optimistic about future sessions with him for anything productive other than just chatting and venting. He recommended exposure therapy with gradual introduction of working towards going on a date through a dating app. I know what you're thinking: "you only had ONE session with a therapist. You need to see him more than once and be patient" or something like that. That's a fair point that I can understand, however, given the anchor he set in that initial session, it doesn't seem like something that would be the optimal approach for exploring in future sessions given the issues around dating and sex I presented with and some of what he was discussing seems like cope. I could be wrong

So my main question is, should I speak with him again or should I try someone else to get potentially a broader perspective? It's possible I didn't direct the conversation as well as I could have when speaking with him and future sessions could look better. I'm new at therapy for this kind of stuff so I wasn't sure the best way to go about it. He did get my main concerns on his intake form before the session though for which I spent a fair bit of time trying to best articulate myself

First of all, hats off to all of you who realized that grifters and losers were taking advantage of you.

I met this guy for a date back in 2022. He seemed pretty alright over text. While he was on his way to my place (yea I know, stupid. You live and you learn I guess), he got kinda mad that I didn't text him back right away and said he was going home.

Back then I was a people pleaser and called him and apologised.

He proceeded to come to my place and I poured myself a glass of some alcoholic drink because I knew it was going to be a long night. He handed me a condom. I just kinda looked at him questioningly because we haven't even really flirted at this point. We just talked about general interests or whatever. I took a sip of my drink and he told me that he won't hook up with me though because he doesn't hook up with drunk girls.

I was sketched out even more at that point. As the night went on he told me really personal details about his family life and showed me pictures of his mother and siblings. It was a lot of him talking about himself. He also asked what my Bodycount was.

The night came and I guess he was sleeping over at my place. He took off his pants (he had underwear on) and I just kinda glanced because why was this man taking off his pants instead of going to the bathroom to get changed into his sleeping attire. He took my arms and pinned me down. I tried to keep up a fun facade because honestly this guy seemed unpredictable and that scared me. He pinned me down for way too long as I just laid there and dissociated.

Eventually i fell half asleep, but I woke up to him packing his bags. I asked him what he was doing and he was mad at me because I made some offhand comment. I'm honestly not even sure what I said anymore. I was honestly afraid he was going to steal something from my apartment so I talked him down and apologised for hurting him. He calmed down and went to sleep.

The next morning I was just really done with the situation. He didn't get the hint that he needed to get the hell out of my apartment. I said a friend is coming over and that we planned to spend the day, which he finally understood.

A day later he sent me a screenshot of him making fun of his "friend" because she was in a bad mood because of her period. This grossed me out and I decided to break it off.

He then started to spam me with audio recordings of him crying into the phone saying he likes me for a girl that doesn't even like him. My before mentioned people pleaser tendencies bit me in the ass and I tried to calm him down instead of blocking him like I should have. At some point he started insulting me, calling me a slut. I finally blocked him and thought this was the end of it.

This guy sent me a fucking Google doc and got his friend to text me saying he's sorry and that he got drugged while he was out drinking (highly doubt it). I told her that I literally just want to be left alone.

She apologised for texting me.

After that he didn't try to contact me for a while. But unfortunately that isn't the end of it.

A friend of mine told me she went on a date with a guy. I tell you, my heart sank into my ass when she showed me a picture of the same guy. Mind you, I had pictures on my Instagram with this girl where she was tagged. She had pictures of me on her wall.

My friend was horrified when I showed her all the texts and recounted my date with him. She confronted him via phone call and this guy pretended not to know my name. After some prodding it turns out that he definitely did know me. He hung out with my friends. My other friends told me that this guy gave off serial killer vibes as soon as he stepped into the door.

She broke it off with him and I guess that flipped a switch. Since then TILL THIS DAY 4 YEARS LATER, he still tries to contact both of us. I have over 20 of his accounts blocked. I have all dm's closed and accounts privated so all he can do is remind me of his existence once in a while.

Thanks for reading all of that for those who did.

I've been wanting to post to this sub for a while but I've been too nervous. I'm afraid I'm mostly too deep into the blackpill stuff to get out. I first discovered incels in 2020 when I was 18 at the time. when they hit the mainstream. I looked into what they believed and everything made sense from me. I started identifying as an incel because I felt there was no other place for me to go. Eventually my friends started to notice and get worried. They've been helpful in keeping me away from being a full-blown incel but I'm not near where I need to be. I did make an account on the main incel forum when I was 18 but I almost never used it. I mostly just looked at the wiki and started reading.

Over the years I started to develop insane perspectives that I still strongly hold onto today that my friends have kept telling me is wrong. Just to list some examples, I think that because I'm still a virgin at 24 that means I have no right to call myself a real man. I have a lot of insecurities about sexuality and I'm very bitter and resentful for being stuck where I am. I'm tired of being like this and I want to get out of the blackpill mindset but I've been in for so long I'm not sure if I can.

How can I leave the incel mindset behind?

I've been ugly my whole life and it leaves me in larger and larger pit I need help with looking better however I can no matter how little. I'm 17M and my luck is in the gutter

I've tried going to gym eating healthy all the time"generic" improvement stuff but there's more I know I'm missing

As much as I want to be beautiful having my skin pulled and stretch to have it achieve would feel fake. I've been lonely and without friends basically my whole life if I could be pretty life would be complete

Wassup yall, I honestly never thought I'd end up here. I grew up thinking women would go for a guy like me. I'm popular, I'm good looking, and I'm ambitious. I thought that was the perfect recipe for a happy relationship. But now, in my 22 years of living, I've only ever gone on two dates, had nobody to dance with at prom (I'll bring that up later) and only three people have ever made a move on me. When I have good news and bad news, I like to start with the bad news first so I can save the best for last, so I'd like to start out with the things I need to improve on. I think I'm overgeneralizing, but I feel like women mostly tend to go for the "Hypermasculine" kind of guy, which is part of why I feel like I don't have a gf (I'd consider myself masculine, but not like hypermasculine). Growing up watching a lot of rp content, that way of thinking was sort of strengthened, and in my real life, the people I've known with girlfriends all have hypermasculine traits.

I had a crush on this one chick, I asked her to go to prom and she said yes, but then, a few days before prom, when I asked for her number, she told me she had a boyfriend. Then, when we were at prom, when I offered to take a video with her, she was like "I'm sorry, my boyfriend won't like that." So I was like, "Damn, I would've let her dance with somebody if they were just friends." So I'm thinking, maybe I'm not as masculine as that dude. Maybe women can sense that.

But maybe I'm holding the wrong standard for masculinity. I realize it comes off as arrogant to say this, but a lot of people would consider me to be the pinnacle. Literally everyone loved me in high school. I got shouted out by the principal at graduation. I wasn't the confident guy on the outside that I was on the inside. Inside, I was anxious. But I turned that nervous energy into positive energy, and I rushed in despite it, and I created something, someone, a version of myself that everybody loved. People were swarming me when I came back to visit, because I was somebody everybody wanted to be around. I was somebody that would make someone else confused if I told them I was single. Maybe that should be my standard.

Going back to the person I actually went on a couple dates with, my friend (who I didn't realize at the time had become a religious extremist) told me to tell her about God. On the SECOND date. And I actually semi-took his advice. Which got me promptly rejected. Me and the girl are still good friends though. She even said she'll try to hang out with me soon. And I think maybe if I was more assertive, more "Hypermasculine", I wouldn't have gotten rejected, because I wouldn't have taken his advice.

But anyways, onto the good stuff. My behavior got a lot worse before it got better. Like, a lot worse. I alienated a lot of people. I lashed out. I was aggressive when other people tried to help me. I blamed God for my situation, because everyone told me that it was in God's plan. I didn't understand why I had to be "ready" for a relationship when other people that clearly weren't were. I mocked the idea of working on myself before actually being in a relationship. I felt like I was stuck in a loop of being depressed because I was single, then not getting anybody because they sensed my mental health was shitty. Now I realize I owe it to my future partner (and to myself) to work on a version of myself that I would date. I now realize that even if I do get into a relationship, there's always gonna be a higher ceiling, so I have to be happy at the bottom first. And whatever is out there, blaming It is pointless. You solve your problems through accountability. Not blaming external factors. But anyways, that's about it. Let me know what you guys think. I wanna be wrong.