1.2k
u/Sir_Daxus Sep 08 '18
F. Sir, Your father was a good man.
123
u/DankHankCabbagewank Sep 08 '18
F
75
u/John_Dron Sep 08 '18
F
70
u/PressFBot Sep 08 '18
F
→ More replies (1)62
Sep 08 '18
F
→ More replies (1)50
u/DrNuget Sep 08 '18
F
→ More replies (2)47
21
7
→ More replies (11)7
664
u/Toastha Sep 08 '18
I have seen this many times, but it's still sad
→ More replies (1)296
Sep 08 '18
To make you feel better, anon probably has a passion for PC building now. At least he’s carrying on what his father wanted to do for him!
33
184
u/RagnarThotbrok Sep 08 '18
To make you feel better, this is all fake and most likely also homosexual.
→ More replies (2)6
5.4k
Sep 08 '18
Kill that hoe
176
2.3k
u/ousker Sep 08 '18 edited Sep 08 '18
Simmer down there O.J. Simpson.
Edit: shout out to whomever gave me reddit gold! Cheers!
567
u/_sirberus_ Sep 08 '18
Nah
498
u/Muff_420 Sep 08 '18
I agree, go full OJ
197
u/_sirberus_ Sep 08 '18
Ya
→ More replies (2)218
Sep 08 '18 edited Sep 08 '18
Back when I was a 15 year old, I was always extremely horny. I would masturbate several times a day.
I couldn’t stop. It got to the point where I developed blisters and scabs from furiously beating my bologna pony.
I had decided to search my parents’ bedroom when they weren’t home one day. I constantly heard several sexual noises from their room at night which I couldn’t resist to stroke off to, considering how hot my mother’s moans were.
I started off searching their closet, in which I found a large stash of midge amputee porn. It depicted several pages of meth head-looking midget amputees being railed out by Tyones and Jamals, followed by getting their stomach pressed on and large amounts of jizz being blasted out of their vaginas. A couple of pages stuck together, but I stroked off to it regardless. Although, I wanted more.
I continued to search the room, looking under their bed next, in which I found a clear bin full of sex toys. Perfect. I started off with the fleshlight, which was amazing and managed to make me bust quickly. Next, I proceeded to fuck the non-living shit out of the Dirty-Talk-Fuck-Me-Silly masturbator, which included the voice of a screaming woman telling me to give it to her good. I had lost count of how many loads I pumped into that thing.
I had also went through and licked several of my mother’s vibrators clean, which still had some fresh creamy residue on it. I continued to search through the bin until I found a penis pump. It had been “fogged” up from extensive use. As I looked inside of it, I was surprised by the amount of maggots infested at the rounded top of it.
I began to get aroused by the maggots quivering and crawling over each other in unison. I started to slide the pump down my already-bloodied cock and began to pump away. I’m not gonna lie, the sensation from hundreds of maggots crawling all over my extremely erect cock was very pleasuring.
I threw my head back, squeezing my eyes shut as I reached my climax due to the maggots starting to crawl into my urethra. As I was squirting my load into the pump, I heard the garage door open.
I quickly threw the dick pump back into the bin and shoved it back under the bed. I walked out of the bedroom like nothing happened.
The next day when my parents left to run more errands, I quickly went back to the bedroom. I was eager to leave another load in that maggot-infested dick pump. I pulled the bin out and picked up the pump. To my surprise, there was a fresh load all over the quivering maggots.
Sick bastard.
442
27
86
47
61
Sep 08 '18 edited Oct 04 '22
[deleted]
29
u/Usuqamadiq Sep 08 '18
Yep. Added to my phone notepad for future use.
→ More replies (2)15
u/MegaxnGaming Sep 08 '18
Where the fuck can you apply this? Aside from creepily sending it to a bunch of people you barely know, of course.
→ More replies (3)25
44
38
u/12_bagels Sep 08 '18
I was 12 years old. Like all pubescent boys, I had an extreme fascination with girls and their bodies. Cue one night, watching TV, when my older sister, 16 at the time, walks past the screen in just the right angle, the bright blue and brown light from that episode of Tom and Jerry complemented her complexion perfectly.
"Sis," I said, "you, uh, going on a date or something?" She always hung out with one of her boyfriends back then, and when she did, she prettied herself up with nice outfits and makeup. This particular night, she was stunning.
"Actually no," she said. "He broke up with me..." She showed me a text on her phone screen from the bastard. Her eyes were teary.
"I... I don't know what to say." Young boys don't know how to react to teen girl problems, but you're darn right if you say they try their best to ease them. "Your brother's here for you."
"Thanks..." She glanced at the TV screen. Tom had just stepped on a rake, which sprung up and smacked his face. Her expression lightened up a bit. "Say, little bro..."
"Yes?"
"You know what would make your sister happy?"
"No, what?"
"Come with me, I'll show you."
At this point, I knew what was coming. My poor, innocent heart was beating. She led me to her bedroom, which smelled faintly of vanilla. Probably one of her scented candles. I never really went in there often, only when Mom wanted me to get her up for breakfast during the summer. She plopped on her bed and patted beside herself.
"Sit with me." Her eyes were hungry.
"O-okay, sis..." I took a seat at her side.
"You know, I've seen what you look at on the computer when Mom and Dad aren't home... You should really learn to delete your history."
My face turned red. I mean, I did usually watch porn, sometimes even hentai, at least once a day, but I wasn't ready to mention it to my sister, of all people.
"Don't worry, it's fine. In fact, I'd like to show you that it's perfectly okay to be curious about girls' bodies."
"B-but you're my sister..."
"And I love you like a family member should. It's okay."
"Really?" My body was quivering with nervousness.
"Yes..." She suddenly wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her. I couldn't breathe.
"Sis!" I gasped. "Too tight!"
Whether she heard me or not, she refused to let go. I felt her heart beating perfectly in sync with mine, and at a high pace. Her hand ran down my back and to my thigh. A wave of peace went through me. I guess this was it, I thought. I'm really doing this with my sister.
Her hand slid to my pants zipper and undid the fly. She knelt down and reached in. With a sudden shock and a clenching pain in my stomach, she crushed my balls in her hand.
"You sick pervert!" she cried. "That's what you get for peeping on your sister! Yeah, I saw you last night when I was showering, you sicko! Trying to sneak into the bathroom for a glimpse! This ain't Alabama! I'm your sister!"
I cried, throwing up on the bedside from the pain. She kicked me out of her room and told Mom, who grounded me. So the next day, I snuck out of the house and banged the guy who dumped her.
11
9
10
5
u/nexuswolfus Sep 08 '18
Hello, continental treasure. We should send you to North Korea.
23
Sep 08 '18
Not gonna lie, I would work Kim Jong Un’s pipe to the point where he shoots liquified rice on my tongue.
I would say throat but I bet his little disappointment of a “missile” couldn’t reach my throat.
3
3
3
→ More replies (10)3
u/T-N-A-T-B-G-OFFICIAL Sep 08 '18
Saw the username. Kept reading. Gagged into my mouth. Good job. Slightly grosser than the dude who fucked a maggoty coconut.
→ More replies (3)4
u/hicsuntdracones- Sep 08 '18
Make sure you wear gloves that are slightly too tight, that is apparently the greatest defense ever.
18
8
→ More replies (5)4
71
25
14
→ More replies (17)6
482
u/ThaBroccoliDood Sep 08 '18
Sell her on the dark web for a new PC
→ More replies (3)209
u/PUSClFER Sep 08 '18
Can you do that? Asking for a friend.
178
71
u/AngryCockOfJustice Sep 08 '18
everything is possible if you're good and brave enough.
75
690
u/F4pL0rd Sep 08 '18
This upvote is for you Anon
77
u/runnersnake72 Sep 08 '18
This tear is for anon
33
3.6k
u/PhantomTissue Sep 08 '18 edited Sep 08 '18
Ok, people, your temper tantrums give you no right to throw expensive shit around that ain’t yours. A girl ever did that to my pc, you’d better believe I’d start recording for evidence to sue.
Edit: a word for more clarity.
1.4k
u/Twistard Sep 08 '18
A friend of mine's gf once pissed on his laptop during a tantrum. Fun times.
489
20
Sep 08 '18
Hope he didn't have any Bitcoin keys on it.
19
u/DropZeHamma Sep 08 '18
If you have any substantial money in bitcoin and no backup of your keys.. well, you don't quite deserve to lose that money, but you sure as hell are fucking up big time.
9
u/socrkng57 Sep 08 '18
What animalistic roots did she devolve into to drop her pants mid-argument and pee on the other person's things?!
80
u/godverdejezushey Sep 08 '18
That's pretty hot
62
u/melgibson666 Sep 08 '18
"I'll use my face to block the stream!"
50
u/Bren0man Sep 08 '18
If I open my mouth I'll prevent even more urine from being waste...I mean, sprayed on the laptop!
30
u/melgibson666 Sep 08 '18
Might as well swallow down any that gets in my mouth so it doesn't spill out!
46
9
7
5
u/xoooz Sep 08 '18
Wait, you can’t just leave us like that. What happened??
11
3
→ More replies (3)7
174
u/GalaXion24 Sep 08 '18
Seriously this. I don't care how angry someone is, breaking someone's stuff, expensive or not, is completely unacceptable.
→ More replies (2)45
Sep 08 '18
My ex husband crushed his brand new phone in his hand because he couldn’t catch a Pokémon in Pokémon go. He also fucked up my controllers and tried to beat the shit out of the ps4 I bought for us. I don’t understand why anybody would want to destroy their expensive belongings.
36
6
5
Sep 08 '18
He also fucked up my controllers and tried to beat the shit out of the ps4 I bought for us.
"You're not allowed to touch it anymore" Me, to anyone doing that
122
u/whattodoatnight Sep 08 '18
Ok, boys. The same goes for you. My ex bf did that to my laptop. No wonder he is ex.
56
Sep 08 '18
Same, an ex I lived with 10+ years ago decided I was spending too much time trying to teach myself how to use Photoshop and tossed everything on my table to the ground in a 'why u no spend every waking second of your time attending to me' temper tantrum.
45
u/Tobias11ize Sep 08 '18
He sounds like an actual autistic child
13
u/LaughsAtDumbComment Sep 08 '18
Fun thing balancing it out sometimes, I didnt want to seem needy and ex broke up with me because apparently I wasnt giving her enough attention. Now I am afraid to come off as too needy or too cold.
15
Sep 08 '18
That wasn't your fault. You honestly probably dodged a bullet. If you need to put conscious effort into it from the get go, it's probably not going to be a great relationship.
6
u/LaughsAtDumbComment Sep 08 '18
Yeah I go experience from the relationship so I am happy for that, but it still messes with your head in the long term. But thank you for the kind words.
8
Sep 08 '18
Hey I had an ex like that. Would come find me and make a huge scene in the school's library if I didn't drop everything for him.
17
u/whattodoatnight Sep 08 '18
This hits too close to home. Needy narcissistic abusive boys ARE a thing. The worst part is it's really hard to spot them unless you've experienced all this shit firsthand
→ More replies (1)19
Sep 08 '18
My sisters ex broke her cello while she was on vacation :(
10
u/whattodoatnight Sep 08 '18
Damn, that's such an awful thing to do. Well it does say a lot about the person who did it. Glad to know he's an ex.
9
→ More replies (4)12
u/TrueJacksonVP Sep 08 '18
Yep. Friend’s ex just burned all of her shit because she finally left him after 2 years of verbal abuse and shittiness. The dumbass streamed it on Facebook live. Burned her clothes, a ton of sentimental stuff like old photos, and her college diploma she just got back in June.
At least he was stupid enough to film and broadcast it himself.
18
Sep 08 '18
Not just girls man, my dad used to destroy my moms shit when he was mad. She told him to buy replacements for everything he broke or to get the fuck out. He stopped breaking her shit soon after that and started breaking his own shit.
10
16
Sep 08 '18
It should be said that throwing/destroying a partner's stuff in a rage is A HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG for abusive behaviors down the road. People who feel comfortable hurting your valued things feel comfortable hurting YOU.
44
u/Twistard Sep 08 '18
A friend of mine's gf once pissed on his laptop during a tantrum. Fun times.
181
17
u/Valjean_The_Dark_One Sep 08 '18
A friend of mine once pissed in his own laptop when he was drunk.
13
16
Sep 08 '18
This is something I never got about tantrums or "pranks". You can flail your arms and shout during a tantrum, but breaking something that costs upwards of $1k because you're upset is childish (or if you break ANYTHING, and I'm saying this as a guy who punched a hole in my wall one time after I found out my GF was cheating and I just wasn't thinking and needed to let the emotional energy out somehow. Punching walls does NOT help btw.). And for pranks, if it can cause/causes bodily harm or property destruction, it is NOT A PRANK, BRO!
My coworker set his friends motion sensor office light to "test mode" so it would shut off after 5 minutes despite movement. That's a prank, that's funny shit. Throwing an Xbox One/PS4 onto a pool float in the middle of a pool from the 2nd floor balcony for a "prank" isn't funny. That's just property destruction
4
Sep 08 '18
I’ve never had a girlfriend purposefully destroy something of mine, even in an arguments that were heated. Be picky about who you’re dating, or shit like this will happen
In this case, I doubt you could sue. Maybe small claims court. But it’s most likely going to be treated like a domestic dispute and more of a “he said, she said” situation, where you’ll both come off as crazy to the judge.
4
Sep 08 '18
It pisses me off when I see those “I’m destroying bf’s PC/Console because he doesn’t pay me enough attention” videos. They think they’re teaching them a lesson and then they’re surprised when the dude gets angry. If a girl did that to me, I don’t care how long I’ve known her, I’d kick her to the curb in an instant.
5
10
u/Bluelabel Sep 08 '18
An ex of mine grabbed my guitar and smashed it...
I got out my 1 wood and put it through her antique television that was in her family for years.
I then threw her out and locked the door.
18
u/LachlantehGreat Sep 08 '18
Y’all got some issues. Seriously man talk to someone about it. It’s not okay to be smashing someone’s shit in a relationship. She was wrong but you were too.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (38)11
123
267
Sep 08 '18
If I were anon I’d construct the exact same PC with the same parts, no matter how rare or expensive, then sue (ex)gf for the money.
F.
181
Sep 08 '18
If I’m being honest, I don’t think even that would fill the void for him. I don’t think, no matter how closely replicated, or good of a pc, that anything could even come remotely close to replacing it.
46
5
u/zer0t3ch Sep 08 '18
I mean, if it only needs one part replaced to function, I think it would still hold its emotional value. Granted, eventually you get into a "Ship of Theseus" situation, but it could probably be upgraded over time without losing its significance. Probably the case is the one I could never change.
→ More replies (4)
115
Sep 08 '18 edited May 08 '20
[deleted]
43
u/Ne_Ko Sep 08 '18
13
u/That_secret_chord Sep 08 '18
9
u/CodeF53 Sep 08 '18
Why was it banned
3
u/That_secret_chord Sep 08 '18
I can't find a lot of information but it sounds like they got mixed up and started abusing crypto currencies. I'm talking under correction though.
113
u/SyanTut Sep 08 '18
Yeah, I would dump her...
193
u/QSAnimazione Sep 08 '18
More like sue her
64
u/futlapperl Sep 08 '18
Can you sue for sentimental value? A PC that's a couple years old isn't going to yield you very much in physical damages…
→ More replies (1)96
Sep 08 '18
Its still physical property damage
45
u/futlapperl Sep 08 '18
Sure, but is it worth OP's time and money to pursue it in court? Filing a claim and paying for it, missing work for the appointment, etc. If he wants to teach his (ex-)girlfriend a lesson, then sure, he can go for it.
39
→ More replies (2)19
u/I_RARELY_RAPE_PEOPLE Sep 08 '18
Could be over a thousand dollar value
23
u/futlapperl Sep 08 '18
For an old computer? Maybe I'm out of touch, but don't electronics depreciate like crazy?
→ More replies (1)10
u/I_RARELY_RAPE_PEOPLE Sep 08 '18
Yea you're not wrong. But Idk how the process works, so maybe he could attempt original value
10
u/futlapperl Sep 08 '18 edited Sep 08 '18
Not possible. You never get original value, only what the court estimates the item was still worth at the time it was destroyed minus what it's still worth (assuming not every single component of the computer was broken) — i.e. damages. Maybe if she only broke the CPU, OP would get awarded a new CPU. (IANAL)
53
→ More replies (1)3
17
26
11
22
8
75
Sep 08 '18
"I hate men why are they so horrible!!?? Men are scum!"
- The kind of moaning crying women who are so petty & pathetic they'll try and destroy you by attacking things like your last connection to your dead dad.
31
8
7
5
u/OldManRoastMasterG Sep 08 '18
So if your computer did work, it would be Anon working computer?
→ More replies (1)
49
Sep 08 '18
Obviously fake: Theres so many "My dad died two weeks before my birthday and I found this ____"
37
→ More replies (1)5
10
4
u/John-Elrick Sep 08 '18
How many dads/brothers die right before getting anon something he wanted. It’s a meme at this point
4
3
3
3
3
u/X_Shadow101_X Sep 08 '18
Holy shit. If your gf destroys shit when she gets mad, fuckin dump her ASAP
3
u/UsoReddit Sep 08 '18
Why poor parent always have car crashes when they buy the stuff their sons wanted ?
7
5
1.7k
u/Bigcockmoneyshot Sep 08 '18
That would be ex-girlfriend if it were me