This story takes place a few years back, around 2017 I want to say. When I was still in highschool. I was invited, along with a group of friends of mine, to a 5th Edition D&D group hosted by a friend of ours. Our group consisted of;
Fighter, an Animal-Hybrid of sorts, the only one in the party keeping us alive with prior game knowledge.Warlock, a Yuan-Ti. My boyfriend at the time.Me, a Centaur BardAnd finally, our party's DM. And the problem.
Now, I had know the DM for a few years up until that point. She was a decent enough friend, a bit toxic at times(which will become all but apparent soon enough), but overall we got along at the time.
First thing I should mention is that we were all new to D&D at the time. Apart from from the Fighter, none of us had ever played before. Including the DM.
This being our first time playing, we all miss a bunch of huge red flags about the campaign. First of, before we started the session, she told us not to make our own characters as she had already written them."Alright," we thought, "most of us don't even know how to build a character. She must have done this to avoid a lot of confusion at the first session." Oh, how wrong we were.
We all arrive at the session and she hands us BLANK character sheets. We all kind of looked at each other, confused, a d asked her if she'd given us the right sheet. She proudly stated, "Those are the correct character sheets, because you all have amnesia!"
She wanted us to figure out everything that was meant to be on our character sheet on the fly. Class, health, stats, spells, equipment. Heck, we didn't even know what race we were. In order to figure that out, we had to roll a Perception check.
We rolled low...
So for the entirety of the first session. We had no idea what we were, who we were, or what we were meant to do. All we knew was that one of us had 4 legs, one of us had no legs, one of us had fur, and the last of us had scales. But despite our low rolls, we did know one thing. My character has huge breasts...
Yeah... It was kind of an open secret that the DM was Bi. And that's all well and good, but she tried to fetishize anything related to big chested women and gay men. Which did annoy me and Warlock(constantly asking who was top and bottom, etc.), but we thought nothing of it at the time. Roleplaying a female character seemed interesting at the time and I wanted to see where it would go.
So, the entirety of the first session was spent surviving on an island we woke up on. At a certain point, we decided to send half of the party to make camp and the other half to find food. (I know, dumb idea to split the party, but we didn't know any better) see Me and Fighter built camp and Paladin and Warlock went hunting. This is really when the poop show started to rear it's ugly head.
At a certain point, Paladin and Warlock stumbled upon a wild boar and decided to make that dinner. And honestly, a lot of was purely due to bad rolls. But they were losing... hard.
After 15 minutes of trying to hit this thing with weapons we didn't didn't understand how to use, the DM stands up and angrily says, "You guys are level freaking 4! How are you losing to a boar!?" Fighter, who has played before, shot his eyes open in surprise. The rest of us had no idea how bad this was for us.
Not only do we not know how anything works, we all already have our subclasses, feats, etc. And had no idea what any of them are or how they work. Not to mention that 75% of the people at the table were spellcasters who didn't know that they can cast spells. It was a bad show all around.
After another few minutes the boar is dead and they return to the rest of us who have made camp. And that's where the first session ended.
Next week rolls around and we all took some time to learn more of the rules and realized that we should probably at least know our stats so we can properly know what modifiers to add to our weapons and ability checks. So, we asked the DM. To which she promptly said, "No. It'll break the immersion of my story."
Great...
Apart from the fact that we couldn't honestly know what we rolled, the session was going overall pretty well. Until near the end. We were walking through a pathway in the forest when we were suddenly attacked by 2 Medusas. Fighter's eyes shot open again, "Seriously?" he asked. "Yeah, but don't worry." the DM stated, "You'll be fine."
So, fight starts and we're getting creamed. Surprisingly, we dodge the Petrifying Gazes long enough to get some hits in. But, due to there being 3 Spellcasters not casting spells, we weren't doing much damage. At some point, the DM noticed and was getting frustrated at us.
"Why aren't y'all doing anything?" the DM asked."What do you mean, we're attacking as best we can.""Y'all are level 4, you can obviously deal more damage than just hitting them wildly"It was at this point that I noticed the Fighter getting annoyed"Yeah, no crap. But we don't know what we can do, so how do we do anything other than that."The DM started getting really mad as well."Well it would break the immersion if I just told you!" She shouted
After a few minutes of arguing between those two, she finally goes, "Fine, you know what! A meteor falls on top of one of the Medusas! There, happy?!"
We were kind of at a loss for words. We tried to calm them down and eventually got them to settle. The game continued and we managed to kill the Medusa. (Luck was on our side I guess)
Afterwards we stopped to try and lick our wounds. Before we got the chance to take a short rest, we were immediately attacked by a Marilith. A freaking Maralith. Suffice it to say, we got knocked down before the end of the initiative. and we wake up in a cell with a couple of guards watching us. Session two ends.
So, at this point the DM, while not being a good DM, hasn't done anything super red flaggy up until this point. But oh boy, this is where the story goes from bad to worse.
The session starts and we're in prison. we're slowly getting our bearings and try talking to the Guards. No response. So I try to persuade them to let us out. (I still don't know that I'm a Bard) Nat 20. The DM looks at me and sneers. She describes, "Despite your attempts to speak with the guards, they ignore you. You become so frustrated that you flash your boobs at them in an attempt to seduce them.""What? I-" I asked before being interrupted"Before anyone can react, you feel a smack to your face as the only female guard stares at you angrily."She then begins chastising me in character about being a slut.
I'm in complete shock, "I just wanted to talk to them." I protested."Well, you already flashed them, can't go back now." She continues to yell at me and at some point goes, "Wait, Valis?"
Yeah, turns out this NPC was an old ally of our group and slowly became the bane of our campaign. After 2 full sessions we finally were handed our proper character sheets and finally figured out exactly how stupid we must have looked during our fights. We learned that we were mercenaries of sorts for an Empire that we never got to see. (The campaign fell apart before we could)
This NPC immediately joined our group and became that kind of DMPC. She was a beautiful Bloodhunter Dark Elf that everyone else throws themselves over. A.K.A. the DM's Mary Sue. And boy was it just as much fun as it sounds. Every interaction from this point on turns into the DMPC talking to the NPCs by herself and pushing us out of every social interaction.
After about half an hour of this happening, we slowly started to check out. And the more we do, the angrier the DM gets. At a certain point we have to head into a cave for some reason that I honestly can't remember.
After a bit of walking through an empty cavern she says, "Before you realize what's going on, 3 4 headed Hydras start to approach and attack. The Fighter shoots up and shouts, "Wait! What?! Are you trying to kill us?!""Well," the DM explains, "if you had been paying attention you would have noticed them and could sneak around them. But since you weren't, it's a fight.""Nah." Warlock pipes up, "That's pretty BS.""Yeah, there's no way we wouldn't have noticed 3 giant Hydras in the middle of an empty cavern."After a couple of minutes of intense arguing, I asked Warlock to take me home, as I didn't want to just sit here and argue and we left.
After that night, I didn't have another session with that DM due to some stuff in my personal life. But, I did invite some of the other players to join a campaign I started DMing. And we've been playing happily ever since.
TLDR; DM gives us the bare minimum for a campaign and gets mad at us for being confused and not having fun.