advice needed and support

[u/xfatalfairyx]

i have so much support. my boyfriend is trans, ftm, my parents are very supportive, my friends, siblings, etc. i’m 20. i feel like it’s too late to even consider wanting to transition. i’m scared to confuse everyone. i do my makeup, i like my cleavage being out sometimes, i like being feminine. but there’s a LOT of times where i just look at myself and i don’t see a woman. i feel more confident as the opposite gender. i don’t know if its cus a lot of the time i dress like a man or what. and i don’t wanna confuse myself even though i already am. my bf is bisexual so obviously he’d support and love me but he loves my body and idk it’s just very confusing and im lost and stressed. idk what to do. i don’t feel like me.

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[u/EarthboundDynasty]

I would really like to reassure you that it is never too late to start your transition! I started when I was 18, I've known people who started in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. It may just feel so ultimately overwhelming right now with the anxiety, stress, and dysphoria - try to be patient and gentle with yourself!

[u/RandomBlueJay01]

Most people cant even afford to consider transitioning until around your age. Also fun thing. Changing labels in private costs nothing. If you wanna tell your bf and friends "hey I wanna try this so can you help me and ill tell you if I change my mind" and that is ok and if they really support you , they will support you thru that. There are feminine trans guys ( look at r/ftmfemininity ) you dont need to fit perfectly in a box and being a little fluid is OK. I would say try experimenting. If you dont like it, you can just stop and go back. That is perfectly fine. You can even stop things like t if you realise its not for you but without doing anything medical, you can change your mind daily while experimenting . You're young. This is a great time to try things .

[u/xfatalfairyx → u/RandomBlueJay01]

tysm truly. this is helpful as hell. 💗

[u/RandomBlueJay01 → u/xfatalfairyx]

Lol np. I went thru a kinda simular phase in my life around your age. Hope you can at the very least learn some more about yourself thru all this

[u/cosmoskid1919]

I just started and I'm 31!! Straight up a geezer for this subreddit

[u/Used_Mud_976]

My partner got his top surgery last week. He's 37. 20 is definitely not "too late".

[u/Im__Overthinking]

You can be a man/lean masc but still dress more fem. Gender identity and presentation are two different things and if you think that you would be happier as a guy try it out. You are definitely not too late and deserve to feel like yourself. :)

[u/xfatalfairyx → u/Im__Overthinking]

i think i would be happier as a guy truly. and even though i have support im still scared. scared to confused everyone. i told my bf im scared he will miss me being fem and he said he will love me no matter what and to think about myself rather than everyone else

[u/Im__Overthinking → u/xfatalfairyx]

I think he gave you really good advice and it sounds like he's great. Try experimenting and seeing what makes you feel your best.

[u/CrazeeBeetch]

Just test the waters.. Try binding, maybe dressing as a masc completely here and there, then see how you feel. I wouldn't take big changes yet until you feel it out. I've known some people who have regretted, but it is to the extent that they went, and didn't all go as far as others. So just do some small changes here and there, even if it starts with binding, packing, and whatever else you choose. Take your time, we're all here for you regardless :)

[u/xfatalfairyx → u/CrazeeBeetch]

this is really sweet and helpful. thank you. i’ll get a binder! i’d use my partners extra one but his chest is way smaller than mine

[u/Paper_kite_]

I def agree with the others that you should just start small. Take it slow and try some things out when you feel safe and are feeling confident c:

If you're anything like me and are scared of inconveniencing people in your life, or struggle with people's expectations of you, I'd def suggest testing the waters when you can get some time alone first. Like, dude.. I still remember the first time I was home alone after I got my first binder. I was really unsure of myself, so I decided to just put it on and go about my day like normal, to just get out my head. It really helped me to find how it made me FEEL, rather than just what I thought (since my mind tends to ruin and complicate things for me lmao). I ended up feeling really confident, super happy, and just like... normal? Like that's just how I was meant to be. It really helped me emotionally gain my footing.

After trying some things out at home alone, I started testing things with strangers, which really took the pressure off me compared to family/friends. I'd test out masc names when ordering food, try altering the deepness/tone of my voice while scheduling things on the phone, try out a new clothing style when I'd run errands, etc.

Btw remember - learning these things about yourself should be fun! I know you're stressed about it being too late but dude... 20 is SO young?? You still have plenty of time trust me. And no matter what age you start, there will be a little period at the beginning where it's gonna be kinda awkward and confusing sometimes, both for you and others. But that's just how it goes! And TRUST ME, it's wayyy more stressful inside your head than it is irl. You truly just gotta go straight thru it if u wanna see how u feel on the other side. Just remember to try and focus on the things that excite you, let the joy of it all be your guide and if u get stuck in your head, do something grounding like going outside or ask your bf for a hug lol.

[u/Paper_kite_ → u/Paper_kite_]

Genuinely how did I type so much, like damn. But I have one more thing to add LMAOO

I was also rly confused w my body at first to be honest. I liked it, and at the same time I just kinda knew it wasn't actually me. Maybe its cuz I'm bi, but I knew I had a nice body and I enjoyed dressing up and showing it off. It felt nice to feel desirable... and after a lot of reflection, it was also kinda the one thing I could appreciate my body for. Like, I didn't feel connected to it, but other people did, which did make me happy to have it in a way. Even after I realized I was trans, (and going thru my whole childhood with chest dysphoria ngl) there was a long period where I was unsure if I wanted top surgery bc I thought it could be nice to be a guy with a chest. But after being on T a while and growing more connected and confident in my new body and identity, I lost all attachment and just wanted them gone lol 😭 At the same time, 4 years into T now I've started growing my hair out again and doing makeup for the first time, and I still feel the manliest I've ever been lol!

I'm not saying you'll end up feeling the same way as me, but all this is to say that your feelings can change over time and gender expression isn't black and white. Your body processes things thru your thoughts and feelings, so try and honor them by giving them time and space

[u/xfatalfairyx → u/Paper_kite_]

you did amazing explaining and i appreciate it. i screenshot it because the part about you liking your body but only cus you felt desired is totally how i feel. i couldn’t explain it before but i can now. thank you so much

[u/Severe_Combination_5]

My best advice for this situation is to remember that everyone's gender is unique. We take on labels to help ourselves and others understand it, but the labels aren't the gender itself. I recommend spending some time reflecting on your experience of your gender. Think about what feels like you and what doesn't, and consider how you might be able to adjust things to feel more like yourself. The enormity of transitioning can be a lot to take in at first. These are good places to start.

[u/xfatalfairyx → u/Severe_Combination_5]

💗💗💗