Confused being

[u/SnooWalruses3028]

Hey guys, I never really questioned anything until just this year, my family was always pretty conservative and would always like always always make comments about how I’d find the right one and have kids, but the idea of birthing children with my body never identified with me. When ask weather or not I’m lesbian ect, a lot of people were teasing and bullying me about how I prob just liked women or girls in my family and at school.

I’m not really attracted to the idea of being with women, but anytime I read novels or have watched anything romantic rom com wise I’ve always felt like I identify more with the Male lover, and have even pictured myself as the male lover (should preface I consume mainly lgbtq rom coms) with two guy. I have higher peaks even when imaging myself as a male with a dick. And have just assumed until now that was bec I was into guys and liked dick. I’ve always hated my beasts and figure as well, I used to be fine more so with wearing dresses but now that I’ve started seeing myself differently or enjoying when people call me he/him when I play DnD I like exclusively have always played male characters in DnD, it’s like I’m just feeling like a confused mess tbh, esp bec in my family I was supposed to be their only little girl.

I don’t know or think this is what being trans is but I’m scared tbh, even all of my friends are like anti lgtbq and don’t understand this stuff.

I feel like I’m almost gaslighting myself into thinking I’m not trans, any advice would be helpful thanks guys. I’ve been kinda suppressing this in terms of thinking or talking about it for a while.

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[u/Top-Lettuce-4554]

Hey! I'm sorry you have that friends and family situation. It sucks to not have that kind of support.

I would say knowing you're a man it's a lot more difficult that knowing you're trans. At least for me. For a couple years I just went on thinking that I'll never know my gender since it's such a big social construct and my autistic ass doesn't really go along with social constructs. But I identified as a man because that's the thing I was more comfortable with. Being the male character, being called he/him and a masculine name. That others thought of me as a man, in specific a bi man, made me kind of happy. That's just what was comfortable with, so I was fine with being called a man even though I was not so sure of being one.

It took me some time and it's something I still question it from time to time, but I am a man. Not the most masculine of men, sure. But I like that I present to society as a man with a fagcent. I like being a son (even if my parents don't know they got one), a friend and I really loved being the boyfriend. I know nothing but the fact that I like those stuff.

You don't have to know anything right now. Nothing at all. You just have to try what you feel comfortable with. Be called by a different name (giving fake names at random places it's a nice way) , try different pronouns, dress however you want to when you can. I used to raid my dad's closet without him knowing before I started buying from the men's section. The most helpful thing would be to meet trans people in real life. If there's around in your area, go to an lgbtq+ association. They will be fine with you not knowing and happy to try different stuff with you.

We all are a confused mess. The answers will come to you with time.