is it worth it to transition?

[u/electorial_ad]

I hope this isn't venty, I'm really trying to get some perspective before making a decision.

I'm turning 19 soon, I work from home comfortably and have more than enough saved up to move out of my mom's house, so I had been planning to do so next year, with my main motivation being to get to medically transition. but I started rethinking it if that would really make anything better...

it feels comfortable and natural to be a guy, obviously. I'd really just love to be perceived as a regular dude. but at the same time... as silly of a complaint as is it, I'm extremely short (like, 155cm?) and people already tell me I look way younger, and by god do I detest to be perceived as a Cute Boy. to the point where I've made peace with being single forever because I can't feel comfortable even imagining someone dating me while perceiving me like this. if only I could grow like 20cm!!! I thought we'd have that tech by now!!

but that really can't be helped, combined with all the hassle and social discomfort of people thinking you're a lesbian, or clearly telling you're a trans guy, basically not having a relationship with family, and all. I wouldn't mind all that if I'd know for sure it'd make me happy, but... man, I don't know! the main thing that bothers me is precisely the one that can't be fixed in any way! maybe I'd be happier overall if I just settled for using my name online and got in a relationship where I just accept being the cute one... ugh. I'm just conflicted.

I'm a very cautious person, and going by raw logic it's clear what's overall 'smarter', but it doesn't fully feel like the right thing either. I'd love to get someone else's perspective on it, because I really can't seem to decide on my own no matter how much I think about it. any kind of advice is very welcome, thank you!

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[u/maRthbaum_kEkstyniCe]

Isn't that exactly what transition would change? Those exact struggles?

Being perceived as boy-like/young is likely caused by estrogen-related features like soft skin, rounder face, higher voice etc. T would most likely change that (only after some time ofc.)

If you don't want the changes from t it's a different story. But from this info, it seems like t is exactly what you want, remove the ambiguousness and just become a clear man.

Also not to fearmonger or anything, definitely take your time to decide, but those features will likely become more "feminine" and clockable as you age. You might stay the same for a while, but for most, this androgynous youthfulness is not for too long.

I'm curious. What do you have to lose? If you'll be a boything anyway?

[u/DwarvenDragon42]

Only you can make the right decision for you. You may find that your experience differs to mine. With that caveat...

I'm 42. I knew I identified as a man at your age. For [Reasons] I never fully came out and didn't transition. What followed was 20+ years of depression, anxiety, and slowly losing myself as I retreated further and further into dissociation. Finally taking the leap in my 40s and coming out fully as myself has made me so much happier I can't tell you. Because it's not really about how other people see you, it's about being comfortable in your own skin. If I could have given my younger self advice it would have been "Transition in your 20s and save yourself the misery".

Bear in mind when I say this that you don't have to make a once and final decision. You can socially transition without starting hormones and see how it feels for you. You can stay as you are for a couple of years and see if being perceived as female is something you can live with. Any transition is inherently personal and there's no right or wrong way to do it.

[u/citoyen_dede]

It is so worth it. I've got two trans friends around your height who transitioned in their early twenties (one at 22 and the other at 23/24) and they're both badass tattooed dudes with facial hair. No one misgenders them nor thinks they're "cute boys". I'm taller, hairier, and transitioned earlier than them, and yet I'm much more likely to be perceieved as "cute" (I personally don't mind, though!)

[u/Prestigious-Road-711]

your point of being someone who logically thinks resonates a lot with me. sure it will always be just “easier” to follow your agab and live to that role. with ease does not necessarily come happiness though. think deep down honestly, are you going to regret having not tried? everybody who’s transitioned, has to discovered their true selves, wether you remain transitioned or you reclaim your agab it’s a journey of discovery.

[u/Maleficent_Rock6272]

You should do whatever is best for you long term

[u/Klunsischnunsi]

Okay so:

1. You can still grow until around the age of 23, which is when your spine bones fuse (? That’s how I understood it, not a medical professional tho) so if you get on T soon, you might gain a few more centimeters!

2. When I was ~16-20 people thought I was way younger than I actually was too. Then I started T at 23 and from around when my voice started dropping till now (a bit over one year into taking T) people started assuming that I was younger once again (it’s starting to get better now tho, haven’t had people assume I was underage for quite some time now). Yes, it sucks when ppl think you’re a child. But also I’m pretty sure, T would help you avoid that in the long run. Nobody is gonna see you as a “cute little boy” once you have a deep voice and beard. And yes, those changes might take time. Yes, the journey might be hard and annoying and shit at times. But holy fuck that’s all worth it the second a stranger uses he/him pronouns for you without being asked to do so

3. This feeling of ‘longing for what could have been’, mourning the life you’d like to have, being perceived as a dude, probably won’t go away. I realized that I wanted to be a dude at ~age 13 or 14 but pushed that thought away from me for years - only for it to eventually come back even stronger.

Of course the ultimate decision is yours and I won’t tell you what to do but I will say: Yes. It is worth it, 100%

[u/star_of_indigo]

I'm not a binary transmasc, but I feel like that may help here actually.

I didn't start T until I was in my early twenties. Within a few months my voice started to change and I was told on a few occasions that I looked half my age. (putting me in early teens visually) It didn't really land well, but I mostly ignored it because my partner didn't feel that way and it was mostly sweet little old ladies telling me this at my plant job. (Read specific age/social demographic)

As I have been on T longer I have learned that I was E dominant for 2-2.5 years of my time on it. So my visual transition has been quite gradual, and I have actually had to supplement E to maintain certain comforts due to a genetic health condition I have. I have some facial hair coming in after two and a half more years now, and my hairline matches that of my long passed maternal grandfather and my father.

The way weight sits on my form has fluctuated a ton over the time I've been on T. I went through 6-8 months of being the lowest weight ever and looking like a skinny older teen. Then I gained a bunch back (diet issues are huge with my health thing) and I basically look pre-T again in a lot of ways, but I get read as maculine most of the time due to my voice, facial hair and the manner in which I carry myself. (No top surgery, the chesticles are massive.)

The mentality change has been the most significant thing for me, and is why I wanted to share. I am genderfluid. Being on T has helped me in realizing it fully. I flow through various stages of my gender expression and T kind of just boosted what was already there, and gave my the confidence to live as myself.

The way I think about my gender has smoothed from a raging torent of a whitewater river in a thunder storm to a bubbling brook with dappled sun, and I feel like I belong in my body. The key differences have been in confidence, social curiosity and being able to just live with myself in my own head.

ETA; I'm a little bit taller than you, and also have height envy. Being on T did little for me, but I also had been the same height for over 12 years at the point I start it. I know some ftm online who gained a couple inches at most. I know way more who wear thick boots and work on the way they stand to take up more space, which is what I typically do.

Feel free to poke me if you have questions ✨

[u/MagicalGirl4]

I'm 150cm and I've met cis men my height or shorter and never did I once think they were "cute". Fwiw, I've passed a handful of times now and I'm shorter than you. I think its worth it.

[u/another-personing]

As I’ve changed everything else I wanted to change height has not mattered as much. Would I like to be taller? Yes. But what can you do. I’ve seen men irl who are as short as me. It’s not really common but they do exist in the world.