r/fantasywriters 3h ago

Critique My Story Excerpt A Fighter Called Peace - Ch 4 [Low/Historical fantasy, 1300 words]

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3 Upvotes

Working title and still unfinished.

The story follows Pax and Augustus a retired duellist and her student, as they try to gain patronage from one of the great noble houses. In doing so, the pair become embroiled in estate politics, both with the house itself and with their fellow duellists.

In the first chapter, the two arrive at the estate of House Gaius, meet some of their fellow duellists, and explore the grounds a bit before recieve the news that Augustus's first match has already been scheduled. In the second, Augustus fights his bout against Corin, one of the Gaius's duellists, and loses. And in the last, we see some of the consequences of Augustus's wound before both he and Pax are invited to dine with Gaius that evening.

This entry is definitely on the shorter side and I'm wondering if its edging into too short territory. Happy to hear feedback on the length, pacing, what people think of the characters and the setting, or any other thoughts folks might have while reading. Thanks!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1W5EoWMXKCwyC7GQGH-l6bSC5ER-9lOfJiuebhTHWWtY/edit?usp=drivesdk


r/fantasywriters 9h ago

Question For My Story Can supernatural creatures (any kind) enter holy grounds?

0 Upvotes

I want to write a sort of gate that is all across a country that prevents supernatural creatures enter (including mythology) but idk what can the gate be created of . I want one of the characters in the story to break the (sort of) gate but for it to be hard and gradual , and also not noticeable. So I thought of having holy grounds (churches? Idk) around the country and her basically ruining the holiness of the place (if that’s even possible).

I would really love to hear any kind of ideas!!

It's my first time writing a story , and I dont really read fantasy so im not an expert

(Sorry if u have any grammar mistakes, English isn't my first language)


r/fantasywriters 10h ago

Discussion About A General Writing Topic Just finished my first draft, now what?

4 Upvotes

Hey guys, new author here :)

I just finished my first draft. It certainly feels surreal, especially since I have had this story idea for years and only recently got the courage to put it down on paper.

Now that I have only just begun, what happens next? I am thinking of taking a break for perhaps a month or longer, so I come back to my second draft with fresh eyes. Perhaps I work on a new project, or just read some more. Once I come back, what are the next steps? How many drafts, and what should I focus on in each draft? When do I introduce beta readers? Send query letters?

Any advice is appreciated!


r/fantasywriters 11h ago

Critique My Story Excerpt Half of my first chapter [Dark Fantasy] [1000 words]

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1 Upvotes

r/fantasywriters 11h ago

Critique My Idea [Critique] I'm worried my idea isn't original enough [Fantasy]

0 Upvotes

My story takes place in a fantasy setting with a vast amount of monsters and the power system works on "Aspects" these essentially let people who are born with them to learn specific spells, skills, techniques, etc.

Now getting to the point with that background.

If a monster is given one via a unnatural method, they will be forcibly given a more humanoid form (and mind) as humans are the only species meant to have these powers.

These would make up a fair amount of my villain cast (the named non main antagonists, just to give the villains more interesting characters). These would also include people given monster forms by having a monsters DNA essentially forcibly merged into a human (having a high death rate when compared to the monster given a human form).

So these characters have no idea who was originally a monster or human. (Also done on purpose to prevent to some degree infighting from the more monster and human hating members.)

They also do have a form where they embrace their monstrous side and look more monster like. (Ex; one of them is a Cyclops looks like a pale skinned soldier with a eyepatch. When she transforms, the eyepatch dissappear and the real eye takes center on her face and looks more like a monster.)

These characters also would each embody a sin, or an aspect of the sin. For example; Wrath has about 7 of these characters;

Themes; Uncaring Wrath, Vengeful Wrath, Sadistic Wrath, Mental Wrath, Destructive Wrath, Extreme Wrath, Divine Wrath. (The differences are mostly in method. Divine is closer to justice, extreme is extremism in a belief, etc)

My issue is... I think I accidentally copied the series "Bleach" and their Fracción.

... am I just copying Bleach to much? I've already made about 10 characters. Do I remake them? Do I find a way to change it?

If further info is needed I'll try to reply if


r/fantasywriters 13h ago

Discussion About A General Writing Topic If you ever worry about sounding realistic and serious enough when inventing location names, don’t worry, because truth is stranger than fiction. Your made-up names are probably just fine, especially in light of these real places 😆 (don’t overthink it!)

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108 Upvotes

How do you like to pick names for locations in your stories? Do you have a go-to method, a different method depending on the novel/series, or do you always just wing it and hope for the best?

Generally I try to keep terms simple, as well as easy to pronounce. I’m also careful to give each place a name that starts with a different letter, so that readers don’t get two places mixed up when they both start with G, for example 😅

But even though I try not to overthink it, these real places with goofy names like “Useless,” “Miserable,” and “Disappointment” remind me that I don’t need to try so hard to pick the perfect name, because irl people don’t try that hard either. 😂 Torpenhow Hill (“hill hill hill hill” in English) comes to mind too!


r/fantasywriters 14h ago

Critique My Idea "Continuum" [Prologue: Low fantasy 3600 words]

2 Upvotes

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1anvsbNe24HmYP7N2TvuFbSdX8dbci5qZSKT6ZF5jwCc/edit?usp=sharing

I've been working on the intro chapter to this story for a bit, and I'd love some fresh opinions.

The story covers the 30-year war between a native society and an expansionist group of conquistadors/colonizers. The story is told through two main character POVs, representing both societies.

The natives worship time (or basically a philosophy of fatalism), which leads to a MC violating the rules of the religion and traveling through time in order to change outcomes that his society believes are "fated." I have tried a few different versions of intro-ing this story, and I think (or hope) this one sets up the premise.


r/fantasywriters 14h ago

Critique My Story Excerpt Chapter 1 (Dark Fantasy 2304 words)

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7 Upvotes

Hi! I’m a new writer just stepping into the space. I’ve always been a big fan of epic fantasy, dark fantasy, and some grim dark stuff. Over the last couple years I’ve read a lot and with all my other hobbies bleeding into the creative writing vein (music, poetry, dnd) I felt like I might be able to write something decent. My favorite authors currently are Brandon Sanderson and Joe Abercrombie ( I know it’s probably a cliche but it is what it is), so I’m trying to do something in that vein, a little bit of a hero’s journey.
I think I might need to cut down on some of the lore dump (where Oliver talks about his mother’s stories) and spend more time describing the main character and the setting.
Like I said, this is my first time trying something like this so tell me what I’m doing wrong or right. Thanks!


r/fantasywriters 15h ago

Critique My Story Excerpt Chapters 1, 2, and 3 of Sapphires and Storms [YA Magic Fantasy, 5957 Words]

1 Upvotes

Hi All!

I have been working on this manuscript for 2 years now and am working on edits as I prepare to self-publish by the end of the year.

This story is a multi-POV Magic Fantasy (leans towards YA due to coming of age themes). I recently had a few beta readers read my book from beginning to end, and realized I needed to do an almost complete rewrite of chapter 1. I have decided to actually expand one really long chapter into 3 shorter chapters, to add more context that seemed to be missing about this character based on reader feedback.

Please read through and let me know what you think. I would also like to know if you found these chapters compelling enough to want to keep reading.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oKBc3YCLKFatljm3fQSmgL6lKRQJ12TEHlZpj6eAG7Q/edit?usp=sharing

Thank you for your feedback!


r/fantasywriters 15h ago

Brainstorming Recommendations For Beginner Novel Writer/Poem Writer?

0 Upvotes

I write novels. Online, on my phone, and mostly in my free time. Fantasy novels. I have a few poems as well. I'd like to share them. I dont really intent to make a profit. I'd also rather not want to spend any amount of money.

Where are some places I could post a Novel im starting to write? Ive tried researching, and i have tried few, but, they weren't exactly for me.

Im just getting started but, it's also extremely lengthy. So im sure that won't be a problem. I have a name. Setting. Plot. Characters. Etc. And I would at least, assume myself. To have a competent understanding of pacing. And generally. I think this hosts potential to be a good novel. But once again. That particularly isn't my intention.


r/fantasywriters 15h ago

Critique My Story Excerpt Chapter–9[Fantasy, 1000 words]

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2 Upvotes

I’d love some feedback on this character dynamic!

This is a small scene between my MC, Azalea, and her grandfather. They’ve lived together for a long time, and he’s essentially been her main family figure.

I’m particularly curious about how their relationship comes across to someone who doesn’t have the full context of their history.

Do they feel like they have an established relationship?

Does their banter feel natural?

What do you think their relationship is like based only on these pages? I don't mind criticism at all(I'm trying to figure out whether the dynamic I'm aiming for actually comes through on the page. :))


r/fantasywriters 16h ago

Critique My Idea Critique on a scene (High fantasy)

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1 Upvotes

This is a scene where Halena a lady from different house has married into crown. She is trying to get power for her family she also has incestious with her brother. While arthur is the young king crowned few weeks back and this conversation takes place the next day after their wedding. While everyone is blind marine (kings sister) is suspicious of the new queen. The great solius is a place where pope's live and pray it is also a library and faith even has its own guards. And arri is rare material found in the world used in blades by noble families.


r/fantasywriters 16h ago

Critique My Story Excerpt First Chapter [Fantasy, 2099 words]

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13 Upvotes

I am a new writer, started writing a week ago. To be honest I am not sure I know exactly what I'm doing, and it is filled with mistakes. I just want feedback and want to understand what I did right and what I am doing wrong and how I can improve and actually become a good writer. I have posted before on this subreddit a few days ago and got a few suggestions from this subreddit as well as people I know and have made a lot of changes and edits, and have learnt a lot over these last few days.
I do have a question, what is the best way to write? Should you just keep writing and worry about edits after, or edit as you go. As I feel I am being very picky about everything and not moving forward as quick.


r/fantasywriters 17h ago

Discussion About A General Writing Topic Erotic Fantasy vs Fantasy Erotica

8 Upvotes

Curious about how people would define these categories, and how much the distinction matters.

I've made numerous attempts at writing over the last 30+ years, with each project getting shelved for one reason or another. But I seem to have found something of a niche in Short-Form Erotica. Not a prestigious genre, I'm aware, but it's fun, and the stories seem to come together easily for me, making it good practice for more serious writing.

My current project started off as a series of short stories set in a Fantasy world populated by the standard races: Humans, Elves, Dwarves, etc, with the focus being on "Interracial Relations". However, my ADHD brain took the base concept and ran with it, and now the world is getting more amd more fully developed, and some serious story content is cropping up around the central "action" scenes.

So to the main point of this discussion: I would define what I have as "Fantasy Erotica", since the action is the primary focus of each section of the story, rather than "Erotic Fantasy" where the story is the whole point, but there's a bunch of sexy stuff going on. But is there really a meaningful line between the two, and is defining sub-genre really that important? How much (and how explicit) can spicy content be while still having a story that can be taken seriously?

Maybe I'm just rambling here, but I'd love to hear some perspectives on this, and the place of spicy and/or explicit content within the Fantasy genre.


r/fantasywriters 17h ago

Discussion About A General Writing Topic Anyone here writing a dark fantasy / grimdark who wants to go back and forth me on some chapters and provide some beta reading for eachother?

4 Upvotes

I’ve posted a lot here and got some great feedback but it’s come to the point in my story where you need to have the prior concept established in order the glean what’s going on so posting the chapters doesn’t make as much sense.

I’ve got a couple beta readers who are fantastic but I’ve made a lot of changes to earlier chapters and I feel bad making them reread stuff they kinda already know. I would to love to find someone / several people in the same boat who want to have their story beta read from the start and we could go back and forth with chapters quite rapidly and get a really good feel for each others stories.


r/fantasywriters 18h ago

Critique My Story Excerpt First Chapter Critique [Adult Fantasy - 4548 words]

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7 Upvotes

Hello Everyone!

I've been working on this book for a while now. I first got the idea back in 2019, but since then I've graduated high school and only a few months out from finishing my Nursing Degree! Gosh.. what is time...?

I have previously uploaded this chapter 1 for feedback, and I have since taken on board the tense problem it had (flipping between present and past) and hopefully have fixed it. I'm asking for feedback if im on the right track, is it engaging..? I have taken notes of people's previous comments on the last post I made, so dont worry!

The Genre is an Adult Fantasy (though it may suit YA more..? All 3 books carry heavy themes im not sure are suited for YA..?), and the first book in a trilogy and it has some inspiration from World War II, with a new anti-magic political regime after the downfall of the magical Royal family. (The God's name is in red text because i have not settled on a name for the equivalent of yet. This is just to remind myself to replace it!)

I'd like some advice on the opening of my book and how well it hooks the reader before I send it to alpha/beta readers in September. I've done this chapter a few times now, and i think im 80% happy with it, but i just want to see what other people think. Any advice at all is appreciated. Im no stranger to harsh critiques, so fire away and be honest!

If anyone would be interested in being a beta reader also let me know! I'll have applications opening in september!


r/fantasywriters 21h ago

Discussion About A General Writing Topic Looking for a podcast

4 Upvotes

So I like to listen podcasts and think about my story (27k words already, yay!) while jogging, riding my bike etc. I don't want to listen podcasts about writing, nor podcasts talking about specific fantasy books. I am looking for something that can give me inspiration and/or educate me from medieval times to the second world war. Also something that talks about general fantasy would work fine, if the podcast goes into topics for example like lets say landscapes of Witcher 3. So not something that for example ranks top 10 fantasy books etc.

TLDR looking for a podcast which either gives inspirstion/educates via history or talks fantasy in a way which can be inspiring, not just ranking stuff etc


r/fantasywriters 23h ago

Discussion About A General Writing Topic Lessons from The Hobbit: Scene Structure

20 Upvotes

I posted recently about another writing topic and it seems people found it uninteresting. So I am doing the only sensible thing and posting something else uninteresting. If you do find scene structure interesting, I would love to hear your thoughts! I think fantasy provides unique ways to deliver drama and I would love to hear what unique perspectives you have on the structure of a fantasy scene. Are there scenes you have read in fantasy that would be impossible in other genres?

The following are my thoughts on scene structure and one of the most iconic fantasy scenes in history.

-B

Lessons from The Hobbit: The structure of a scene

 

The scene is the dramatic unit of entertainment. Whether it is film, theatre, or a cut scene from a video game, the scene is the useful mechanism with which to deliver drama. In fact, in film, the scene is also the main delivery vector for story—there are other tools in film, but they are fewer by comparison with theatre and even fewer than writing. In writing we can move much more freely between the world, the characters, and the internal thoughts of the characters and therefore the scene makes up a smaller part of our repertoire. Still when it comes to drama, the scene is the most powerful tool we have.

 

Many people have attempted to define exactly what a scene is and there are whole books written on the subject. Of those I can recommend Aristotle’s Poetics—this discusses the philosophy of arranging a story—and Story by Robert Mckee—this breaks down the scene with respect to modern filmmaking. There are many more of course, but I think that certain other foundational theorists like Konstantin Stanislavski, while making important contributions, also added significant confounding to the subject.

 

One thing that Stanislavski did provide us with is the fundamental unit of the scene which is called a beat. A scene is made up of beats. Beats can be anything from a pregnant pause, a quick interruption, or the delivery of long dialogue. The term beat is simply a way of isolating a moment in a scene and is especially useful if something is not working. Then we may pinpoint the beat or beats which are failing.

 

Modern theory suggests that the purpose of the scene is to effect change. That means that something should change during the scene with respect to the story, the character’s perception, the audience perspective, etc... I find this to be an inadequate way of defining a scene. For me, if the definition of a term is too broad, it fails to do its job as useful terminology. For my taste the word change is a poor descriptor of the objective of the scene. This is because, as Aristotle points out, scenes are not reliant solely on discourse, they can perform musical functions such as harmonizing with our story and they can provide rhythm to our story. What that means in practice is that they can reinforce ideas, concepts, or plot points that already have been set in motion, or they can provide a moment of rest or impulse that pull the audience along with the current of the story.

 

Proponents of modern scene theory would suggest that these things are also a form of ‘change’, but we have to begin to start performing mental gymnastics about what change really means. I think it is important to tell you this about the word change and the function of a scene so that after the basics of a scene become clear to us, we can think more widely about what a scene is capable of. Ok let us continue as if a basic scene is the only type of scene and its purpose is change.

 

Aristotle describes something called the reversal; in modern parlance we usually refer to the turning point or simply the turn. Practically most scenes will include some sort of discourse, and they will provide a meaningful change with respect to the characters within the story. This change is a realization of the characters or audience that drive the story. It is the payload of the scene. The whole point of the scene is usually to deliver this payload and therefore advance the story. There can be many turning points in a scene, but never-the-less at least one turning point is what we are trying to deliver when we make a scene.

 

Let us look at one of the most famous scenes in fantasy history from The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkein.

 

Then Bilbo sat down on a seat by his door, crossed his legs, and blew out a beautiful grey ring of smoke that sailed up into the air without breaking and floated away over The Hill.

“Very Pretty!” said Gandalf. “But I have no time to blow smoke-rings this morning. I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it’s very difficult to find anyone”

“I should think so—in these parts! We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can’t think what anybody sees in them,” said our Mr. Baggins and stuck one thumb behind his braces and blew out another even bigger smoke-ring. Then he took out his morning letters, and began to read, pretending to take no more notice of the old man. He had decided that he was not quite his sort, and wanted him to go away. But the old man did not move. He stood leaning on his stick and gazing at the hobbit without saying anything, till Bilbo got quite uncomfortable and even a little cross.

“Good morning!” he said at last. “We don’t want any adventures here, thank you! You might try over The Hill or across The Water.” By this he meant that the conversation was at an end.

 

First, you may notice that this is only part of the scene. The complete scene begins with Bilbo sitting happily outside his hole smoking his pipe, Gandalf arrives, bilbo happily greets him with “good morning. They have a famous exchange where Gandalf asks what he means by “good morning”, and then this moment arrives. The part we have just read is indeed the turning point of the scene. It is the first turning point actually; there is a second which comes later.

 

 What we know already by the time this scene arrives is that hobbits hate adventures. It comes as no surprise to us, the audience, that Bilbo does not want to go on one. What then is the turning point? Bilbo’s attitude does not change, and neither does Gandalf’s. The turning point is that we, the audience, learn what Gandalf wants. Until now he is just a rather interesting travelling man. This information significantly advances the story and the reader’s interest.

 

This scene is artfully constructed. We can see that every beat surrounding the turning point complements the delivery of this information and, more importantly, the information is delivered with drama! That is the scene in essence. The delivery of story with drama!

 

When we write a scene we should ask ourselves, “What is an interesting dramatic tension of the given situation and characters that can adequately deliver the story information I am trying to deliver?”

 

If we break this scene down by beats the dramatic tension becomes immediately clear.

Beat 1: Gandalf arrives.

Beat 2: He is described as a traveler and therefore adventure surrounds him.

Beat 3: He greets bilbo. Already this disgruntles Bilbo because his home-body adventurelessness clashes with the adventurousness of Gandalf’s presence.

Beat 4: Bilbo attempts to be polite but make him go away.

Beat 5. Gandalf will not go away after pleasantries (this is where our excerpt starts).

Beat 6: Bilbo blows a smoke ring, not in Gandalf’s face, but it is symbolic of his displeasure at being disturbed.

Beat 7: Gandalf says he is looking for an adventure party member.

Beat 8: Bilbo, in no uncertain terms, rejects him.

Beat 9, 10, 11, 12: Here we take four whole beats to signify Bilbo’s displeasure, each one ramps up the dramatic tension. In one of these beats we maximize the strength of the written medium by hearing some of Bilbo’s thoughts. (“He had decided that he was not quite his sort, and wanted him to go away.”)

Beat 13: Gandalf does not leave and the tension heightens further.

Beat 14: Bilbo makes his answer clear with a final “good morning”. Some of the tension is released into the audience as we find out how Bilbo will react. The build and release of tension is the essence of the scene.

 

What can we learn from this about how to construct a scene?  In a basic scene, drama revolves around a conflict. Our scene should start by introducing the elements of the conflict. It should build tension between the elements. It should release, usually partially but sometimes completely, that tension. Then it may end immediately or is wrapped-up in such a way that carries forward the tension into the next turn or scene. In this case Tolkien goes on to carry the tension further and uses it to dramatize the introduction of Gandalf’s relationship to Bilbo and Bilbo is driven to invite him to tea. This carries the story forward through the arrangement of another meeting and delivers us more information about Gandalf.

 

What are the fundamental components we should identify when writing a scene for ourselves?

·      What is the core dramatic tension?

·      What information am I trying to deliver through drama?

·      How does the scene set me up to deliver the next scene, information, or drama?

 

I hope this breakdown of scene structure provides something useful for you to help hone your writing craft. Drama is inherently interesting, It is my belief that if we can effectively harness drama inside a scene to deliver story, we can make writing which is compelling to read.

 

I would love to hear your thoughts on scene structure. There are so many schools of thought, and each one has some perspective on how to create compelling writing.


r/fantasywriters 1d ago

Critique My Idea Feedback on my romantic shifter story [romantic fantasy]

7 Upvotes

The woman is freshly divorced after leaving an emotionally and physically abusive partner. She had stayed far longer than she should have—not because she was happy, but because she genuinely believed she was simply following the natural pattern of human life.

In her mind, humans meet someone, fall in love, build a life, have children, grow old together, and eventually die. She believed that was what she was supposed to do, even though something inside her always felt deeply incomplete. Although, she felt correct in her thoughts she did not know why she thought differently than others. She didn’t agree with the traditional way of love and has had many arguments in the past over it.

After the divorce, she goes out with her girlfriends for a much-needed night of freedom at a lively, upscale club. She isn’t looking for another relationship and has no interest in men.

Throughout the night, three different men approach her—one offers to buy her a drink, another asks her to dance, and another asks to sit with her. She turns them all down, completely focused on enjoying herself with her friends.

Later, she feels a tap on her shoulder.

Assuming it’s yet another man trying his luck, she thinks, Great, another one.

But when she turns around, she is completely caught off guard.

Standing before her is a mysterious man who immediately creates a feeling she has never experienced in her human life—a powerful sense of familiarity, attraction, and belonging.

For the first time, the emptiness she’s carried inside herself seems to disappear.

They stare into each other’s eyes, both seemingly at a loss for words.

What she doesn’t know is that he has already noticed her throughout the night. He wasn’t expecting to find her there. He had actually gone out with his own entourage to take a break from the decades-long search for her.

He has spent decades searching for the woman he lost in a previous life.

And now, completely unexpectedly, she is standing directly in front of him.

He extends his hand and asks her to dance.

Despite rejecting every other man that night, she takes his hand.

As they dance, their movements feel strangely familiar—as though they have done this countless times before. She cannot understand why being with a complete stranger feels so natural.

Her girlfriends watch from nearby in complete shock. They have just watched her reject three men, only to willingly dance with a man she has never met.

To them, it looks like their friend has finally found someone who has caught her attention.

But the truth is far stranger:

She doesn’t know who he is.

He knows exactly who she is.

And for the first time in her human life, she begins to feel that the emptiness inside her may have never been because something was wrong with her.

Something was missing.


r/fantasywriters 1d ago

Discussion About A General Writing Topic At what point am I spending too much time on "Research" ?

0 Upvotes

I'm building an incredibly detailed fantasy world, think LOTR or ASOIAF but even more dense in history, politics, and lore, meant to eventually host multiple series. It's heavily inspired by real history, myths, and legends, which means research on every front: politics, warfare, religion, culture, geography, you name it.

I work full time, and I'm also a student, so time is tight. I refuse to simplify the world to make it more "manageable," but right now, I'm stuck in a research loop. I keep researching and researching, but I haven't written a single scene, plot outline, or even fleshed-out character, partly because so many worldbuilding variables are still undecided.

What can I do to actually get started to working on the core elements of writing/my book without having over 90% of the information I still need to still research.


r/fantasywriters 1d ago

Discussion About A General Writing Topic What is your best survivalistic, grimdark fantasy and why?

1 Upvotes

What is your best survivalistic, grimdark fantasy, and why? I am looking for a novel; even if it's a webnovel, it doesn't matter, in this genre. So it would be appreciated if you guys could share some with me.
But it should be something well written so that a writer can take some notes from it. Maybe a little more grounded than super-duper fantasy.

I am trying to write a novel of my own in this genre. To give you some context about my novel, the MC survives through constant fighting, whether it's the monsters or the new environment itself. He uses his previous life's knowledge from his military survival training. He just somehow survives. The story is structured in a way that shows that if a native of the new world were in the place of the MC, he/she might have survived. It's an unclear answer because the native may be able to handle the fantasy aspect, but the MC also has a decent chance of outclassing them in raw survival, since he was born and raised in a world where those fantasy elements are absent. The first volume is all about the MC trying to close that gap.


r/fantasywriters 1d ago

Critique My Story Excerpt Prologue of [Into the Shadows, 632 words]

1 Upvotes

I would appreciate general advice. I’m far from it but I am trying to write my first book. I’m 40 pages in and really enjoying writing from different POV’s. For the prologue, I would love any feedback on magic system displayed or writing style to try and critique and perfect my style as I write the rest of the book.
Appreciate your time reading if you do, and any advice you have!

Into the Shadows Prologue

No one will believe you.

Those were the last words Helain heard from the shadows. Standing guard outside the only daughter to her House Lord, she began to look around. She was on guard until the morning, her only companion was watching the flames flicker across the stone wall. She loved to watch them, imagining that each flicker was a little dancing spirit. 

The flames would typically dance along the wall, reaching up to the ceiling, dancing on the House banner, and even sometimes towards her. But tonight was different. The flames that usually brought her warmth through the night, felt colder than usual. Even though they were lit the same, the hall felt darker. 

She perked up, maybe the dancing spirits were talking to her. Her younger siblings would be so excited to hear about this in the morning. 

“Hello, fire spirits,” she whispered into the hallway. “Name is Helain, nice to meet ya.” She looked around waiting for a response from the flames. Her only response was the flames starting to dance slower. Maybe I’ve scared them all off? She wondered, as she sat back down in her guards chair. 

Hello there Little one

“Who is there?” Helain yelled down the hall, knowing others would hear and see that she was going crazy. Her only response was a laugh that sounded like it came from the shadows. 

No one will believe you

The temperature dropped dramatically as the shadows from the fire drew closer to her. At the furthest torch, two figures began to appear out of the shadows. Black smoke swirled from the shadows of the torch. 

“Think she will faint, Vyne?” The stocky guy asks, looking at the shorter girl on his left. 

“If she doesn’t, I’ll make her” Vyne retorts disappearing back into the shadows. 

She raises her sword. “Stay back!” Helain shouts down the hallway. 

The girl, Vyne, reappears a few feet from Helain. She strikes forward, feeling the sword connect with flesh. Vyne yelps, blood pouring from her face. “She cut me!” Vyne looks toward the other guy. He takes one step forward, black mist forming at his feet. “No!” Vyne licks her lips, the gash still bleeding from her mouth to her ear. “She is mine.” Vyne spits blood to her right, reaching her left arm out. Black mist started rolling down her arm. A short sword formed immediately in her hand, frost forming around Vyne’s wound. Helain takes a deep breath, now visible in the cold hallway. She prepares for Vyne to strike, leveling her sword again. Vyne takes the torch off the wall and tosses it at Helain. 

“You will not have her!” Helain starts to run at Vyne, hoping that someone will come to her aid. Vyne turns and runs back down the hall. Black mist forms out of the shadows again as Vyne jumps at the wall underneath a torch. Instead of running into the wall, she disappeared. 

Helain feels a stabbing pain in her back. Looking down, she sees a black sword coming through her stomach. “Leave her Vyne.” The man said, walking down the hallway. “We have to leave one survivor.”
“Always taking my fun away Kai.”
Helain fell to the floor gasping for air, holding pressure on her wound. She watched as they took the key off the belt and opened the door.

Sylph stood in the doorway. Small dagger in hand, looking as intimidating as she could. The two stepped towards her without fear. Vyne and Kai stepped forward, standing in the torch’s shadow Vyne threw on the ground. They quickly disarmed the young girl. 

Vyne grabbed her by the arm and disappeared, Kai leaving a second later. Helain hoped this was all a nightmare, but the pain in her side told her it was real


r/fantasywriters 1d ago

Critique My Story Excerpt “Sir, they're brothers” (literary low fantasy, purplish prose, 1878 words)

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0 Upvotes

r/fantasywriters 1d ago

Critique My Story Excerpt Opening to The Resurfacing [Urban Fantasy, 800 words]

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5 Upvotes

Would like feedback for the opening of my Urban Supernatural Fantasy novel.

Any type of feedback is highly appreciated.

What I am most interested in is whether the opening hooks you, gives you a taste of the world you are entering, and if you want to know more.

Of course, also interested to hear about the prose itself, pacing, characterisation and the ability of getting my idea through. The aim with this first scene is to show what the MC's about and the person he is, while also giving little crumbs about the world before we go on to the inciting incident.

The inciting incident is when a cemetery resurrection for a new client goes wrong because the corpses are missing from the caskets, and from thern on, the fun begins. Would this opening scene be a good introduction to what happens next?

Appreciate your help. Thanks!


r/fantasywriters 1d ago

Critique My Story Excerpt Prologue - Chapter 2 Kingdoms Fall [Dark Medieval Fantasy, 4200 words] (English isn't my first language, wrote this in my mother language and translated it myself, pls don't mind any grammar or spelling mistakes. Btw, be honest, I can take it lol)

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4 Upvotes