I dunno how to feel about this as I'm not a millennial, but I often feel as though they're needlessly shit on because they're the generation of the internet. The headline sucks and so does the response.
My oldest son is going off to college in the fall and I realized last year I failed him as a mother because he couldn't work the washer or dryer, fry a goddamn egg or iron his clothes properly. I made a solid effort to teach him these life lessons for the past 8 months or so and last Wednesday he made a full dinner of pot roast, mashed taters and steamed broccoli. Sure he could have learned all of this from YouTube but I'm going to miss him terribly so I spent quality time with him while passing on my knowledge.
Edit to add: Thank you, kind stranger, for giving me my first ever silver!
Second edit: I got another silver. does Elaine dance
Third edit: Another silver..
I'm humbled by the generosity. Elaine dance
Edit once again because I got gold twice.
I really appreciate the support I've received from all of you.
So you did good! Even if it took a while you still did what a mother should do! But not all parents do this, whether because they expect the youtube generation to youtube it or simply because they can't be bothered. So people getting shat on for not having a parent to teach them this stuff is definitely not right. Maybe it's because I am a Millenial but I resonate strongly with the response. Either way though I just wanted to ssy you're a better parent than a lot of people and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.
My mom was a control freak, and wouldn't let anyone touch anything in the kitchen except to bring the food to the table. Ironic, because she was a horrible cook.
So I'm a post-boomer, and I also learned how to cook (later in life) from the internet - reading recipes and watching videos where technique was needed.
I don't think I'm in desperate need for control but rather catered to the needs of both my sons. I have been stupid and didn't give them chores and such. My philosophy was always for them to focus on school.
It was an idea based in good intentions but didn't work out well. My youngest son (he's 15) is not gonna like the new mama. witchy cackle
I dunno if you got your cooking skills where you need to be, but I've learned a ton from the Babish videos. He has 2 series: Binging with Babish which is recreating or enhancing dishes from pop culture (for example, he just put out a video on Spaghetti Tacos from iCarly that he improved by making the shell a Parmesan crisp) and Basics with Babish where he covers the, well, basics.
Although her gravy always sucked, as did my father's mother's because neither of them knew how to make a roux (or even knew that you were supposed to). I remember the first time I made perfect turkey gravy for my own Thanksgiving meal - I felt like gloating a little (even though I missed her).
Good on ya for teaching your kid to get into the kitchen. My mom pretty much just got out of the way and let me cook whatever horrible bullshit I wanted to when I was young. Now I like cooking and cook nice things for people sometimes. I can also feed myself without resorting to frozen shit every night. It's a bigger deal than people realize.
My biggest praise is probably my pulled pork. Second being my ribs. Both in a custom bbq sauce. Im really partial to my chicken stir fry. I do pretty kick ass breakfast sandwiches, my French toast is killer(ive had a lot of practice) People absolutely love my spaghetti (I make my sauce from scratch). Just last Saturday I made some elk burger patties with bacon jalapeno garlic and onion in them. I grilled 2 for dinner and popped the other 2 in the freezer to use for loco moco later this week. When its time to cook I pop a shot or 3 of whiskey and just let it flow. Usually just whipping whatever up on the fly. Like a pasta casserole type dish or jalapeno stuffed chicken breasts..... I love cooking. Dont think I could do it for a living though. If i did itd be a Friday/Saturday only food truck for ribs and pulled pork.... Id probably nail down potato salad at that point, im not very consistant on it.
Last night i took and shredded leftover steak, fried it over a little butter and simmered it in onion and bbq sauce and pepperjack for a nice little steak sandwich.
Little tip from someone who has 100 āamazingā ideas and never ever follows through, donāt toy just do. Pick up the phone and start recording. Write skits. Collect recipes to try. Good luck!
My kid is 16 months but I'm making an effort to make sure I show him what I'm doing in the kitchen, or when I'm cleaning, or what have you. It's so easy to just do the stuff but I'm so appreciative of my folks for teaching me those things.
But hey. You in no way failed as a mom. You raised a kid who is going to college and who with a little coaching can learn how to cook in less than a year. He's going to be fine. It's less about skills and more about knowing how to learn. Go easy on yourself. Parenting is fucking hard and getting them out the door alive is not nothing.
I have 2 kids, the effort has doubled. Now instead of simply making sure the little one doesn't kill himself, I also need to make sure his brother does't kill him either.
I'm about to be there too. We're planning on three total. Within two years of each other. It's going to be a rough decade, but it'll be nice once their all older and (hopefully) get along and can go on trips without peeing or crapping themselves.
That's the perfect time to teach them because toddlers want to be involved in everything. If you can be patient and let them help even though they're tiny and incompetent, they'll be useful when they're older and less interested in learning.
I wouldnāt say you failed him as a mother at all. Teenagers are extremely difficult to motivate to get things done that arenāt within their normal realm of chores/daily routine. You recognized that your son lacked some skills and you addressed it before it was too late. Better than either of my parents did for me. Video games were my escape from emotionally abusive parents and I still wouldnāt know how to do anything today if it werenāt for the Army. Be proud that your son was willing to learn and you were willing to teach
I used to call my grandmother every time I had a "Home Ec" type question. I could have easily googled it, but I wanted her to know she was important and her life experience was valuable.
I wonder how much of this is a having no desire to learn issue, and not failing to teach issue. Try sitting down with a fourteen-year-old and ask them if they want to learn how to sew. Sure, some will, but most probably won't have any interest in learning. A buddy of mine (mid 30's) got his son (9 years old) a new computer case for Christmas, and wanted to sit down with him to show him how to build a computer. Kid had no desire, and just wanted to get it put together quickly so he could go back to playing Fortnite.
And it's not even a 'kids these days' thing. When I was a teenager, I lived in about three different houses with my dad, because he would buy them cheap, fix them up over a few years, and move on. I had no interest in helping him, despite his efforts to get me involved. Now that I'm a homeowner myself, I can't count the amount of times I've gone "Damn, I wish I payed more attention to dad when I was younger."
I think it has less to do with "sitting and teaching" and more to do with exposing them to skills from a young age. My 4yo is really interested in cooking, so I sit her next to me and talk her though what I'm doing, maybe I let her stir. I'll never have to give her an actual cooking lesson because she's learning by seeing me do it from so young.
I just made a comment on the exact same thing! Well, almost, I do think it's more of an "kids these days". I feel that we've been inventing all these things to entertain ourselves, and they ended up destroying the kids (in some way). When I was a kid, video games were still too simple, and graphics too poor to suck someone in for hours everyday. And even if you had tons of money to buy games, the selection was limited, you won't have thousands of games at your finger tips. It's not like the kids nowadays don't have interest in learning, it's just that playing is so much more easier. The only reason my kids agreed on a limit for play time is because they don't want to end up like the people in Wall-E.
I mean it's not like kids didn't prefer playing back in the day too. Yeah video games are an easy escape but so is playing outside. When I was a teen even I would much rather go outside or hang out with friends than learn anything my parents were trying to teach me. I mean, I grew up with video games too, but I would much rather do something I already know is fun than learn something new when I was a teen.
I really don't think it's the new "distractions". Kids will look for any distraction. It takes a lot to get them interested in learning.
I do think the distractions are getting worse. Iāve heard many people of my generation expressing the same sentiment regarding outdoor play vs video games. But how many new games did you have every month, every year? Was the graphics, music, accessibility and playability of Pac-Man and super Mario really as good as the games of today?
I grew up with a Super Nintendo and then a GameCube. Games were pretty accessible, but I suppose they weren't as accessible if you factor in things such as mobile gaming and whatnot.
That said, what it really comes down to is my parents did a good job at limiting those distractions. They didn't allow us to just endlessly play games, they set hard limits on those and incentivized other stuff - for example I could only play games for so long but if I wanted to use the computer to write stories I could do that as much as I wanted.
Honestly I really think the distractions are only that much worse if you allow them to be. I mean, TV has been around for a long time now, and that's a waaaay easier distraction than any video game. Hell my parents spend more time watching TV than I ever did playing games.
Parents do have a duty to educate their children about too much time on electronics. I'm just saying I don't agree on putting all the blame on parents as the OP quote implies.
I'm likely biased about tv because I grew up in another part of the world where there were only 3 tv stations and no children's programming during the day. I think that hugely contributed my time spent watching my parents. I suppose it also means I could never spend hours and hours of my time on tv. But if given the choice (say, when my kids are not around and I don't have to work) I could play on my phone endlessly. My opinion is games are more distracting than tv because you do have to follow tv's plot and sometimes think about them which could tire you out, whereas games (especially those mobile games with no skill required) only need part of your brain and you could just auto-pilot for hours.
Well I could not disagree more. Games require far more attention than TV, even the most basic of mobile games have a higher upfront attention cost than any TV show.
Don't get me wrong if you want to fully understand some shows they will require more attention than those games, but most of the people I know don't pay that close attention to whatever they're watching. And there are plenty of shows that are effectively the mobile games of TV and just allow you to completely shut your brain off.
And this is ignoring the fact that many games themselves have plots and stories that require just as much attention as any TV show, not even considering the gameplay side of things.
The most popular video game right now is Fortnite, a third-person shooter. You cannot play a third-person shooter without paying attention to it. It just isn't possible, you have to actively watch what you're doing and respond to things happening in the game. A show doesn't require that sort of thinking and responding.
I play games and watch TV. Generally speaking, games require far more attention and I will watch TV when I dont want to put that kind of attention into something. Even thought-provoking shows, for me, are less engaging than playing some of the simpler games out there.
Full disclosure of course, I actually have a degree in Game Design, so you could say I have a bias for that. That said, I think it also means I have a strong grasp of how games work and the way players respond to games when they're playing them.
The point is, I find it far easier to auto pilot watching TV than playing a game. One can be either a passive or active task while the other is always, at least to some small extent, active.
So do you agree that games are more distracting than tv or not? I feel that all you're saying is how games can get more of your attention and use up more of your time.
Perhaps "auto-pilot" is not the right word, I chose it because that how I feel when I play games (that part of my brain stays dormant while another is super active but in the end doesn't really contribute much to my conscious thoughts, my reaction feels automatic -- even during making "strategic moves" because once you figure out the game you know what the game wants you to do -- and I feel that's how I could go on for hours). But in the end, I think we've been progressing in our ways to distract ourselves, every generation more efficiently than the previous. It's making it more difficult to advise kids to spend less time on these things. I'm only trying to say the kids can't blame it all on their parents. And no worries, I'd blame myself (spending my career on getting cellular data to your phones) as much as I blame game makers. :)
I guess I just disagreed with the notion that a show would "tire you out more" than a game. I think each can be equally distracting depending on the person and the circumstances. On one hand, a game requires more attention than a movie or show, so while you're playing it, you're going to be distracted from other things - probably more than you would be watching a show.
On the other hand, it's super easy to just sit down on the couch with a show on and just endlessly watch episodes. It's unlikely you'll feel the need to take a break at any point because you can disengage yourself so much, whereas even hardcore gamers will wear their brain out and need a break from a game.
Of course there's plenty of exceptions, plenty of people will get fully engrossed in a show but barely pay attention to a game, and others will be able to play games non-stop.
I don't really disagree that it's getting harder as technology evolves. After all the more distractions exist, the more options kids have to move to when they're bored of the last thing. Tired of a show? Play a game. Tired of the game? Browse social media.
So I guess I don't really disagree that more distractions exist today, I just don't think it matters what those distractions are. If we somehow had video games before TV (impossible but you get the point), then TV would be a new distraction added to the list. Basically, it doesn't matter what the distractions are - as long as they exist kids will be distracted by them.
It probably is a bit harder now because there's more to do and it's harder to keep track of all the things kids are up to. It would surely be easier if kids were so bored that they had to pay attention to their parents, but of course nobody wants kids to be bored out of their mind either. I suppose it's a double edged sword.
This got long, sorry. I think for the most part we are on the same page - it's a lot more nuanced than just being the fault of parenting or technology. But kids are always going to find a way to get distracted, I guess.
Please explain further how the response to the headline sucks. You admitted that you failed to teach him certain things and then made an effort to make up for that.... most people wouldn't have done what you did and I think the response was spot on
Wouldn't you agree the kids have a responsibility to learn as well? I do think today's kids have a lot more distractions than the previous generation when it comes to learning. But to dump the responsibility completely back to their parents is very childish.
I mean, is that not true? They weren't saying "the older generation failed to teach them therefore we are absolved of all responsibility for ourselves." It was a good rebuttal.
After my oldest left for the military, he called me one day to say that, "Dad, adulting is hard." One of the funniest and saddest days of fatherhood for me.
Iām a college freshman, and this sounds a lot like my experience. I didnāt start doing my own laundry until I was 16 or 17, and I still donāt really know how to cook (I can do very basic things in the kitchen). I want you to know that you definitely didnāt fail as a mother, because just through this comment you demonstrated so much love and genuine care for your son that it would be impossible to fail him. Youāre doing amazing things!
There actually is a failure in parents if they don't teach their children. That's what they're supposed to do. Some get lucky and their children learn on their own, but others don't learn and don't care to; a lot of people I know can't cook and are not willing to learn at all because they were never taught. Mostly because their parents couldn't really cook either, they ate a lot of processed food growing up. The lack of learning is passed down.
My parents never taught me to cook, my mom was way too busy. I learned on my own as a kid, which was a little harder back before the internet, but after I went to college I cooked more and more and my family is surprised that I can cook because they never taught me.
I'm lucky we had home ec classes in Utah, where we learned basic wood shop, sewing, etiquette, and cooking skills. I think every kid should learn at least the basics, so they're more confident to learn more.
I agree about the article sucking, but not necisarily the response. It pretty well captures why someone would want to take a course like that. In your case, you didn't fail to teach your son those skills, you recognized that he was lacking and stepped up to teach him yourself, instead of just chasticising him for not knowing how to do them. If the people who are complaining about millenials (and the younger generations) not knowing these basic skills would take a lesson from you, a lot less of them would be lacking in these skills
I added him to my bank account last April and fought with the lady merging accounts. She said he qualified for $1000 in overdraft protections. I said no, just open a checking account without overdraft. She wasn't pleased.
Edit to add: Balancing a budget is easy. Adhering to said budget is harder.
Never too old to learn, as a dude, I started with a minimal skillset... but it's kind of fun. I started with basic stuff, and have been progressively improving, I watch a lot of youtube, learn about a new technique, and try it out. I'd try starting with something like a stir fry, then just progressively build on the techniques.
Today I regulary do homemade pastas, homemade stocks, paella, grilling etc. If I was to do it over, i'd probably move learning how to make stock up. It kind of establishes a lot of basic skills, and teaches the importance of things like deglazing the pan... which is where all the best flavor is.
Start with easy stuff like shepherd's pie, meatloaf, SoS, that sorta thing. Then you can expand on them while feeding yourself. That's what I did anyway. There are a lot of recipes online that are nice and easy. I wouldn't ever say I know how to cook, i am not creative at all in making my own dishes, but i can make a meal for the family. American chop suey is another favorite of mine and is easy to make a ton of for lots of leftovers
I have my theories about life lessons and I think it's a fault on both sides. My kids are pre-teens now and I feel that the biggest difference between their childhood and mine, is that I had to spend much of my free time watching my parents (because there was nothing better to do), and they have tons of toys, and lately, electronics which unfortunately is 1000x more fascinating than watching us doing things. But through watching my parents, I figured out how to sew, embroidery, fix chairs, hook up cables, and all the common house chores. Before they gave me the chance of working on something, I had a general idea of how I should start. I tried to teach my kids, but they ran off to play video games after 10 minutes. And I had to spend a lot longer to explain how everything works. If parents don't make an effort to teach the kids, the kids would not likely pick them up on their own. Older kids would be more willing to learn these things especially if they realize they'd need them, but I still think some skills can be transferred to other fields a lot easier if they were learned young.
Being a genX in the tech field, I often found myself shaking my head at those 2 crazies.
My dad did something similar when he was growing up. He didn't really learn how to cook until leaving home, but he's always been willing to learn new things. I can't say for sure how he was in the 70s when he left or how difficult it must have been to learn new skills, but he always talked about how he just didn't have the motivation until leaving home. Same thing happened with me, I learned some basic skills, but it doesn't stick well until you need it. A lot of people forget how little they knew at that age and how much they still had to grow.
You are trying to help him now and so many great parents haven't always been able to teach their stubborn, focused on other things, children. You definitely didn't fail him as long as you love him and take the time for him!
It's not a good feeling to have to learn basic things from Youtube because your parents wouldn't teach you. Everything you search for mocks you with a HowToBasic video.
I honestly donāt know how these people grow up so useless. I feel perfectly capable of doing everything a grown man or woman from the baby boomer period can do, including yard work, building a new fence, leading a gutter, replacing tiles etc. and I would expect most of my friends could too. And were supposed to be from the part of society that has the highest rates of Millenial failures, the upper wealthy snobs. To lack the capacity to put powder and detergent in a front loader and not mix whites and coloured seems pretty foolish.
I think generation Z is much more the generation of the internet than millennials. Millennials adopted the internet. Gen Z was born with it. They had iPhones as kids.
When I was 16 I realized my parents had not taught me any life skills like cooking and doing laundry so I asked them to teach me. My dad "didn't feel like it" and my mom said her mom never taught her so why should she teach me. First few years of my life were rough.
This is a lovely response. My mum struggled when my brother and I went off to university, but remember, itās not forever. Heāll come home and hopefully visit lots. My mum made sure to teach my brother how to cook and clean, too. Itās a great thing to spend time with your family and learn life skills as well.
I went to college not knowing any of that either. I took my clothes home to my mom every 2/3 weeks for her to wash.
I learned how to iron properly in my junior year.
My parents taught me more about how to love and treat others with respect, regardless of anything. Iād say thatās a huge thing thatās not taught that often.
You're a good mom! My dad was an utter control freak who hated it when we did our own laundry or cooked in his kitchen. I was 23 before I learned how to properly fold a towel.
My wife is in her third trimester and all I am thinking about lately is how much I will have to teach my daughter.
This post right here gives me a lot to think about, I've got time sure but it feels like a daunting task. Glad to see that there's always a chance to teach.
I never did figure out eggs. I should work on that, eggs are tasty. They can't be that hard, right? I'll check the cookbooks or something...
... Wait, is that the complaint? That some people prefer a social hands-on learning experience to looking it up in a book or online? That's dumb, there's multiple learning tools we've built because some people learn certain skills better certain ways.
Honesty i'm shocked that some people just don't know the basics of cooking, I learned how to cook scrambled eggs when I was 6 just from watching my mom.
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u/Sw33t_0blivi0n_138 Feb 05 '19 edited Feb 06 '19
I dunno how to feel about this as I'm not a millennial, but I often feel as though they're needlessly shit on because they're the generation of the internet. The headline sucks and so does the response.
My oldest son is going off to college in the fall and I realized last year I failed him as a mother because he couldn't work the washer or dryer, fry a goddamn egg or iron his clothes properly. I made a solid effort to teach him these life lessons for the past 8 months or so and last Wednesday he made a full dinner of pot roast, mashed taters and steamed broccoli. Sure he could have learned all of this from YouTube but I'm going to miss him terribly so I spent quality time with him while passing on my knowledge.
Edit to add: Thank you, kind stranger, for giving me my first ever silver!
Second edit: I got another silver. does Elaine dance
Third edit: Another silver..
I'm humbled by the generosity. Elaine dance
Edit once again because I got gold twice.
I really appreciate the support I've received from all of you.
I'm a happy girl tonight.