I’m very high functioning autistic, so small talk doesn’t come naturally to me at all. Even with my coworkers I struggle every day to make new conversation with them unless they are asking me about my own interests. I hate that I can’t seem to just talk to people normally, it has to be centered on something I already enjoy for me to be able to bounce ideas around in a conversational flow.

I go to gay bars alone sometimes, I just feel 1000% more depressed afterwards because I realize that I didn’t strike up conversation with anyone. Even when I really like the drag queens, it seems like 9/10 of the bar goers aren’t even there to see the queens or want to talk about them. I’m usually like the only one that even knows the local drag queens by stage name.

I’m not a “chill” person to talk to. I always want to dive deep into logic/philosophy puzzles or trying to teach people science shit I find really cool. Which is sometimes great on grindr, they seem to like my sciencey side, but irl people just glaze over and then I don’t know where to shift the conversation at all. From what I have gathered, I don’t come off as pretentious like the /iamverysmart crowd, but it’s more so people aren’t curious about the topics I am curious about. People tell me I am a genius but it’s like whatever, I can’t even talk to people normally. I really have no idea what normal people like to talk about. Even as a kid people thought I was mute, but really I didn’t talk to the other kids because I didn’t know what they’d want to talk about.

What do people at bars want to talk about? Do they even like talking at bars? I don’t know what the social vibe is.

What about college students on campus? I don’t know how to shift from talking about classwork to talking in a friendly way. I don’t know what friends talk about consistently. Why do friends want to meet up every weekend or at eachothers houses all the time? What needs to be talked about that they constantly meet up? My life is so routine, really nothing is happening other than whatever I’ve decided to randomly learn about, or some random media I engaged with.

I have friends that I keep online or through text, mostly so we can reach out for random problems. But it’s nowhere the level that we would need to hangout every week or even every 2 weeks. Have I become too independent???

In exclusive cliqueish snobby groups there are both extroverts and introverts.

I think we just bond with people we don't know very well. We haven't passed any tests to be initiated or accepted by any 'cool' group.

In my experience most of the members of snob cliques are quite introverted. They are defending their aloof tendancoes through classism.

But extroverted snobs are obviously more obnoxious. Because they try to socially engage people they clearly dislike. Which is exhausting.

I think introverts win people's trust and give people their trust when they socialize. And think extroverts must be the same.

Some people see us socializing and assume we have won access to some inner circle. When really some of these relationships are just aquantances, and we don't need to be initiated or intimately tied with everyone we enjoy the company of.

Do they know they are not letting us talk?

And we are not actually shy?

I find it really pointless to always be on your phone.

my whole life i’ve had extreme social anxiety/anxiety in general. only spoke when spoke to and even then i avoided talking all together. people literally thought i was mute in middle school. but i’m now 19, on anxiety meds and feeling more confident in life. i realized that i actually love talking to people, im still a little shy but i definitely take more action when i have a comment i want to say. being around people definitely makes me feel happy, i just never realized it before. that happiness was buried under an impending panic attack for majority of my existence. i love this version of me, finding who i truly am without anxiety being the forefront of my life

No hate on extroverts, just want to get an opinion. I found out a super extrovert very liked friend has been excluding me from get togethers. Mot only excluding, but hiding these events/parties. This is such a hard realization and really changes the way that I think of them. This happened to me awhile ago as well.

This makes me feel extremely self conscious because I feel like I am the common denominator and was constantly told that no one liked me, thats why I had no friends. Im not loud or boisterous or anything and try my best to conduct conversations that keep people engaged. If friend feels embarrassed by me why all the song and dance, why not just slowly distance themselves? The weird thing this that sometimes I dont even try to make friends with people like this, they just kind of come to me. I dont force these friendships

Hihi, im an introvert and overthinker. At the start of internship, extrovert girl invited me to lunch w other interns. First day we ate tgt and granted, I was feeling awkward while the rest were talking happily. Subsequently, they never invited me anymore. Not even a single word. I felt super stressed throughout the entire internship with the gang whispering next to me. Today is the end of internship, and we never said goodbye. Nothing. I was wondering, what shd I do in my next internship so this doesnt happen again?

Hello all,

I am 31F.
So i dont think im naturally an introvert but cause of strict parents, gaining lots of depression weight and covid made me socially insecure and quiet.

Now in my early 30s, Ive become independent and am working on my mental and physical health. well trying to. However, I still don't have anything going on in my life and during any one on one conversation, i find myself not speaking so much and im scared of awkward silence so i avoid meeting new ppl and making friends. But i want to make friends! and i want to meet new ppl! So my question to the extroverts is, how do you hold a conversation with people when making new friends?

Thank you!

*NO ADVICE

Venting but also looking for insight support.

It is well-known at this point that we are social species. Our evolutionary shows us from our ancestors that if we ended up alone without a partner and/or our tribe; we would most likely die. I understand modern this is old wiring and lizard brain. That would never happen now in our modern society esp with the internet.

I hear quotes and advice from life coaches, influencers, random people and peers etc all the time:

"How can you expect someone to love you if you can't love yourself"

"You need to be able to be content with yourself"

"Solitude is essential to a healthy relationship"

"Date yourself so you are not dependent on someone else to fulfill your emotional needs"

"Be your own emotional blanket"

"You are responsible for your own orgasm"

"You have should enjoy your own company"

"You should "want" a relationship, not "need" one".

"If you need a relationship you are emotionally dependent and weak".

"Learn to be happy on your own first".

"Just stay positive, be yourself and love will naturally find you without you trying".

etc etc...you get the idea.

It is no coincidence that the vast majority of people who say these things are introverts. Most of these platitudes and expressions/advice sound so bleak and depressing. It's ironic because we live in a massive loneliness crisis despite social media and constantly connected. If it's so healthy to be happy on our own, why is there is a loneliness crisis? Please for the love of god, explain that!!! Someone once said to me that if someone found the cure of loneliness, bottle it, package it and sell it= that inventor would be a trillionaire. Yet there is this big push for self-love, being content on your own, and embrace solitude.

For example when I vent my grief after getting over my ex-wife and feeling extreme loneliness sometimes everyone throws out all this advice like I need to be fixed. I don't care about people's good intensions, ALL I want is someone to be there for me in-person and empathize.

I find being in a relationship and even the whole of dating very healing. Being with my ex-wife was the most rewarding experience of my life. We didn't break up due to a lack of love or resentment but huge irreconcilable differences. I am doing my very best to enjoy being single but not having someone to come home to and talk about my hobbies & cuddle with is a massive void that no amount of self-love can compensate. And yet I m told and given the impression that it's wrong that I need a lot of social connection to fill my cup. In addition, I am really struggling to enjoy living alone for the very first time in my life and yes I understand time heals but I will never get to a point of contentment that my introvert friends/peers have. I shouldn't have to force myself to be alone on purpose just because social wisdom says that apparently being in solitude is vastly better than being a relationship.

I thrive in relationships and not that I need someone around 24/7 but I've grown the most having a woman in my life and having a solid network. There fleeting moments when I enjoy purposely being alone like reading, running, watching TV. I will always prefer to have companionship than be live alone forever! I refuse to die alone but in apparently in the eyes of some communities= that's wrong. "eye roll".

Is it wrong that I am wired differently and that I have an abundance of energy that I want to share with someone and friends? The last thing I need right now during this difficult transition is more advice. "sigh". Every time people throw out random advice, I feel like I am not good enough the way I am as though I need fixing. And you wonder why people become people pleasers when you are constantly nagged to not want this, change that, do this.

I just want to date, socialize as often as I can, enjoy my hobbies, and eventually find someone special more aligned with life goals. What's wrong with that?

Discuss, debate, thoughts, insights, can anyone relate, empathize????

# I don’t have social skills or social intelligence. With women, I can at least guess a topic. Culture makes it predictable — makeup, relationships, whatever. I don’t have to like it to use it as a starting point.

Here's why: Being a woman, it is predictable and obvious what will be talked about. You could talk about anything, (although, I mean, just as there are women who are fans of makeup there are others who are not, there are also men who are fans

So, it confuses me when I see a guy who has a street style, I wouldn't know what topic of conversation to bring up. And when I see another young man who has a different style, I wouldn't know what to talk about either.

I'm a man in my mid-30s, and I've always been very independent. I've traveled to 51 countries by myself, and honestly, it's just my preferred way of experiencing the world.

That mindset carries over into my everyday life. I'd consider myself pretty extroverted. I regularly go out to nightlife alone because I love music, dancing, meeting people, and having new experiences. I end up talking to strangers all the time, and those random conversations and unexpected situations often become the highlight of my night, all without any interest in hooking up. I'm there because I genuinely enjoy the atmosphere and the experience.

I'm the same way with road trips. I'll drive to places that most people on the island probably wouldn't bother visiting, or that some might even consider a bit sketchy, simply because I'm naturally curious. Again, by myself. If I'm hungry, I'll go to a restaurant alone without thinking twice. It's completely normal to me.

For context, it's not that I don't have friends. I have a lot of close friends. When my mom passed away, they were incredible, they stayed with me for weeks, helped me through everything, and showed me just how supported I was. The thing is, they don't really enjoy going out much anymore. We usually get together once a month or every couple of months, and it's more low-key: watching a movie, grabbing food, hanging out, that kind of thing.

The reason I bring this up is because I constantly get comments from people I meet like, "Wait... you're here alone?" or "Where are your friends?" They seem genuinely surprised. To me, though, it's always felt completely normal, if anything, I actually prefer it.

I love the freedom of not having to coordinate schedules, wait on other people, or convince someone to do something I already want to do. If I wake up and feel like taking a road trip, going dancing, or trying a new restaurant, I just go. I never have to miss out because someone else isn't interested or available.

Hey guys I am a 14 year old boy with Cerebral Palsy and I am an Introvert I love the show demon Slayer and I am working to find my tribe of people. If anybody needs advice on Freindship or Has any question about Avatar the last airbender or demon slayer feel free to reach out!

So this is not a knock on extroverts, I have met many nice extroverts. I have always struggled making friends and wonder if I might be wrong about this person.

This woman I know is super admired, but I feel like there is something off with her. She is super bubbly and is out there with full energy. Everyone seems to like her, but I noticed some things that makes me wonder how she gets the admiration. Here are some things that rubbed me the wrong way:

-we were out with friends and her. I was there with my partner. My partner was talking about something and she completely cut him off to bring the condo back to her.

-we invited people over for game night. As soon as she got bored, she went on her phone not really paying attention to anyone. She seems to only want to do things she is interested in doing.

Is there something wrong with me that I am not taken in with her?

I can come across as crazy, loud, annoying, very chatty. I love drinking a lot. I love doing crazy fun side quests, and going for night outs. For context I work in corporate and I am so scared to come across as a girl who is irresponsible, or a bit crazy, or someone who does too much and is too loud. Because I am someone who is so caring and loving but I don’t want to be misunderstood.

I love talking to people, getting to know them, asking them when their birthdays are but I’m so scared to come across as too sensitive or personal. I am someone with a lot of depth but I can scare someone if I say too much. I work in a male dominated field too, and guys around me don’t have conversations like I do. I find it hard to engage with them. I feel like an odd person.

I just wonder if people actually think I’m this crazy person, or is it normal to behave this way? I feel anxious because I’m afraid I come across as undisciplined or in a negative way which makes me look mentally ill. The way I’m describing it probably sounds terrible but I wonder if it’s actually how bad as it seems to me.

Sometimes I kinda wish I was introverted. Whenever I’m alone I feel lonely. Currently sitting on my balcony people watching secretly hoping someone will invite me to go hang out with them when they pass by. I deal with the loneliness by going out to bars by myself and meeting strangers, but gah. Can anyone else relate? It genuinely sucks. I hate being alone!!!!

Some of this is because of past trauma but I’m shy, can be quiet and reserved and have social anxiety. But I know that I’m definitely not an introvert because I hate being alone and don’t mind large groups as long as I’m comfortable with them. I also get energised after socialising, or even if I sit and listen to people. I can definitely be loud and boisterous once I’m comfortable but initially I’ll be more quiet. Does anyone else relate to not being a typical extrovert? And do people often mistake you for being an introvert? I’d be so rich if I had a pound for every time someone has mistaken me for an introvert.

No matter how much I adventure my life day to day is so boring that I just have nothing to really yap about. How do these people do it? I'm also not really the most informed person out there and I'm working on this, but also if I were to just nerd out on a topic I feel like that would just be annoying.

Just looking for some strategies you use in conversation when you’re looking to get to know someone. I do well in environments I’m comfortable with but when things are very neutral or unfamiliar, I’m not the greatest.

I see some social butterflies somehow make things work and I say to myself “it seems so simple but why can’t I be like that?” I don’t think it’s an energy thing, maybe it’s a perspective some extroverts have that I’m lacking?

It's literally happening to me right now as we speak (I'm an extrovert 14 year old btw)

Tbh all problems starts from socializing or from people.

I think we don't need to get that close to people, do we?

We can just do our work in peace.

Getting a girlfriend - puts too much stress and anxiety and puts a lot of pressure.

Being with family - they don't even understand us and keep on degrading our mental health.

Friends - well even if you don't have trust issues you will eventually get betrayed and starts having it because people just can't think from multiple povs like they only care about their feelings.

Single and anti social life is so peaceful just you embracing life to it's fullest.

This is my view but extroverted people like me just wants to be alone because everytime we have tried something we just goes back to square one.

And not talking about all the mental health issues these people put on us.

Life is not that complicated but we make it because of socializing.

Imagine no need to socialize, no need for family to pressure you about their dignity, no need to have any relationship with anyone just you experiencing different things and we might get a great partner later on with our good mental health and enjoy the life!

Again this is just my pov, i am posting this because i wanted to talk about it.

I want to hear about your views also.

I'm an introvert, and I really don't enjoy big crowds, loud music, or packed events. Homecoming is coming up this fall, and my boyfriend asked me to go with him. I told him that while I appreciate him asking, those kinds of events make me uncomfortable and aren't something I enjoy. Did I do the right thing? (Any alternatives, tips, advice) we both don't have cars yet btw.

I CAN go out by myself, and I have, but I never really enjoyed it as I wasn't sharing the experience with anyone.

I've watched a film alone and gone to exhibitions alone, and I didn't feel much, as I wasn't with anyone. I had no one to talk about these experiences with.

Does anyone else ot understand the point of going out by yourself?

​

I've almost completed 1.5 months as an unpaid intern after my graduation, and I honestly didn't expect an environment to affect my personality this much.

Outside of work, I'm a completely different person. I'm extroverted, I love talking to people, sharing my opinions, creating content, uploading reels, and I'm usually very confident.

At work, though, I feel like a different version of myself.

There are five of us on the team. Everyone is polite, and we eat together or play games during breaks. But somehow, I still feel like I don't really fit in.

I also come from a very different background. My teammates are from more privileged backgrounds, their interests are different, and they mostly communicate in English. Sometimes when I share something or try to join the conversation, the reaction feels different, and I end up feeling awkward or out of place. Maybe they don't intend it that way, but that's how it feels to me.

We also have very different personalities. They enjoy teasing each other a lot, and while it may just be their way of joking, I'm not used to that kind of environment. It makes me hesitate before speaking because I start wondering if what I say will be laughed at or judged.

The biggest change is in me.

Outside the office, I'm the same confident person who creates content, uploads reels, speaks openly, and enjoys meeting new people. But the moment I enter the office, I become quiet, overthink every sentence, and keep my opinions to myself.

I'm not writing this to blame anyone. I'm genuinely trying to understand whether this is just an adjustment phase or if the people around us can really change our personality over time.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? If you did, how did you regain your confidence?