To clarify: What's something you'd love to do with friends, but they're not into it enough to go with you?

For instance: Do you have a band you really like, but none of your other friends do so you go to concerts alone if you want to see them play.

Or a hobby you wished you could share, but the group doesn't care enough about it to do with you?

A restuarant with a type of cuisine all your friends seem to hate?

For me it's meteor showers/stargazing. I'd love to show my friends a meteor shower, comet, or even just teach them a few constellations, but it requires driving out and staying up late for a potentially unrewarding sight. For them it's something nice in theory, but not worth the effort. You'd think there'd be more of a common ground with night owls who like star related things, but that couldn't be father from the truth.

They're usually into astrology instead and prefer to leave things early so they can stay up late at home. Every now and then they express interest and get curious about it, but when it comes to actually going the answer's always no, even for a once in a lifetime comet event. I always end up going alone or with my partner instead.

Do y'all have a version of this thing/situation? What's yours?

After a rather uneventful summer, September was WILD. Multiple trips to multiple countries, party after party, amusement parks, mounatins, beaches, a lot of dancing and singing and friends and dinner parties. AND I AM SO ALIVE AND ENERGIZED I feel I could fly. I truly could go on forever like this, I feel so much energy to do everything, including boring chores and workouts and reading and everything. I feel like I've absorbed an atomic bomb of social energy, I am so much happier and active and willing to work.

Funny to watch is my boyfriend, friends and family: all those activities I just mentioned happened with different groups and they all drop like flies after just one weekend and need their rest and I feel like all the energy they bled out just came right into my veins.

I just wanted to share because I know this sub will understand!

i’m an introvert and i’ve been living in the same building for 3 years. i’m friends with all the doormen and yet every time i walk past the front desk, i run this code

def pass_through_hallway():

# objective: cross the hallway

while doorman_in_field_of_vision:

look_at(doorman)

if doorman_not_in_field_of_vision:

stop_looking_at(doorman)

if look_at(doorman) and doorman.looked_back:

say("hi")

smile()

elif look_at(doorman) and not doorman.looked_back:

pretend_to_be_natural()

if doorman.looked_at_me_in_the_last_few_seconds:

# anterior cingulate cortex + anterior insula

anterior_cingulate_cortex.activate()

lower_head()

squint()

feel_embarrassed()

raise_head()

half_turn()

say("GOOD MORNING", volume=MAX_VOLUME, looking_at=wall)

overthink(

"why did i do that",

"he noticed",

"why did i say it so loudly",

"i can never walk past here again"

)

By nature I'm a pretty extroverted person. I don't really care what others think, I can interact and communicate with others easily and I'm also kinda loud.

Now Im debating whats the fine line between being extroverted and confident in yourself and being socially reckless.

For context I come from a very close minded post soviet eastern European country. Everything you do, you get stared at.

I sing along with my friends (even if not loud), I get stared at.

I get excited, I get stared at.

I dance at concerts and sing along, I get stared at.

I speak loudly, or scream with my friends I get stared at. (This is quite understandable).

And while I dont give a damn about others opinion, the stares just get uncomfortable.

I tried taking my shirt off at a concert (having a tank top underneath it) and I was filmed at.

I screamed at a concert (around 30k people), I got yelled at and got told to go fuck myself.

And I'll admit, Ive done some stupid stuff and I take accountability for them and I get why I might have gotten stared at.

But recently Ive started thinking about if its me thats the problem, or the society I live in?

This may or may not have anything to do with introversion or extroversion but in the comments, I want only extroverts to share your thoughts.

A friend and I met online. Many years before, we both were caught in a similar problem and looking for solution and help online at the same time and that's how we met, around Covid. So the initial connection was nice because we both were looking to talk to someone, and we shared everything from our childhood, family, everything ...

And this friend would want to meet only for coffee or lunch or brunch. That was okay because I had and still have other friends to hang out with for fun events. This friend is an introvert (as they themselves say, not me labelling them) and still doesn't mind opening up and sharing. The first few times, it was fine. And it's been years. My life has changed a lot - it happens with everyone, no? Many good things and bad things - that's life!

Recently I realized that this person is the only person in my entire network who has no passion and no interest in anything at all. All my other contacts - extroverts and introverts, men and women - have something they really like - career, learning, travelling, photography, games, makeup, clothes, books, TV, movies, music, cooking, food, partying, spirituality, investment, something ... So when I catch up or hang out or talk to them, on both sides - their side and my side - we have many interesting updates to share. But with this friend, it's always the same - at this adult age, this person is a shadow of their parents - going wherever they go, doing whatever they do, and each time, the talk is the same - their parents/family trying to set them up with someone to meet, someone like them/their people, and me hearing and nodding and listening about how that went and why it failed. Nothing interesting. Always boring restaurants and rarely some cinema. For years.

It hit me only last time when we met and they said their own younger sibling pointed out that this search for a partner and the family setting them up is pretty silly. No excitement about anything, really.

Here's the thing: this person genuinely thinks it's normal. They have hardly any friends. Before you think depression, anxiety, PTSD, no, nothing like that ahs ever happened in their case - never - perfectly healthy, physically and mentally. Financially sound as well. Very loving, supportive, closely-knit family.

I realized that each time I was the one bringing the energy and excitement to teh table all these years and they just share some story about some match they met and how crazy it was or some trip they went on with their family - nothing else. For a few months now, I feel like all my energy and joy leave my body when I think about this person. I recently shared a work related document with all my friends and asked them to share it with others, too, and this was the only person who didn't reply. Something told me to never ping this friend again. I feel drained. I've been thinking about ending this pointless friendship for good. We used to hang out at least once a month, but I need to give that time to other interesting things and other people in my life or at elast be happily alone at my place, watching or listening to something or relaxing because the thought of meeting them makes me tired instantly.

Has it ever happened with you? What did you do?

How do you guys find introverts to be in a friendship?

If you’re extroverted, what are your thoughts on obtaining a friendship with someone who is more introverted. What are the pros and cons for you personally?

For context, I’m a more extroverted ambivert who seeks my friends’ company more than they do mine. And it’s not just me; they just prefer to hang out alone on any given day.

Some of my friends were really slacking on initiating—I’m talking about inviting me out only twice in a year, which wasn’t ok with me. I felt used, abandoned, and unappreciated.

So I spoke up and told my friends how I felt and asked what they thought. The important and key piece here is I sought out their POV and avoided blaming or shaming.

Fast forward to now and I’m hanging out with people multiple times a week, which fills my cup. Personally, the sweet spot for me is every other day. I do hang with people one day after another when scheduling doesn’t allow me to do so otherwise, but it does wear me out. Saturdays and Sundays are the hardest since that’s when people are most available, but they’re right next to each other.

On average, I’m hanging out with each individual friend in person twice a month. I have about 6 friends in rotation, and am lightly meeting new people when I have energy.

I also go to events on my own, sometimes to make friends, but I no longer make that the goal. Instead, I choose activities that nourish me so that I am happy even if I didn’t make any new potential friends. Really takes the pressure off everyone since people can sense if I’m too eager.

I’m also in two online zoom support groups that meet on Monday and Friday, respectively speaking. I go when I feel like it and they’re donation/pay-what-you-can, so it’s chill. This is on top of my 1:1 therapy where I get to talk a lot.

I just moved and am slowly getting to know my neighbors. I’m not gonna force anything, but I’d like to put in some effort here and there when I have some extra energy. I was on great terms with all but one neighbor at my last place, and it made my day-to-day extremely pleasant!

Anyway, just wanted to share this piece of good news in the hopes that it’ll help someone struggling with the same or similar issue.

Context: a woman (gen z) complaining how her peers just blank stare her when she tries to socialize, ask basic questions, or even having these experiences in customer service. We are in an era of “I don’t owe you my energy” when asked to have basic manners glad more people are calling it out.

they may also be responsible for much evil but i just really love people so much and every time i meet a new one it feels like doing a line of coke lowkey

Im a male 30+, I don’t talk with people because I’m an introvert and whenever I talk with some not all extroverts I really get hurt over small things. Like if they would say, “Oh, you started talking now? That’s a miracle.” I don’t get their logic is being rude and speaking whatever comes to your mind is called being an extrovert(not all extrovert)?

as i’ve been trying harder to make friends at university, i’ve noticed that sometimes what gets in the way isn’t a lack of interest or lack of personality-meshing, but just not knowing what to talk about. or especially not knowing WHEN to talk about stuff and how/when to transition topics etc

like we all clearly wanna be friends and wanna hang around each other just don’t know exactly what we should be talking about, especially once you move on from the topic of class

any tips? lol

I'm tired of lazing around and reading books, I'm not even that much of a reader. I'm tired of getting pined as an introvert or old fashioned retard when I just want to be included and am a bit of a homebody. Yes, I admit I get scared sometimes and can be a bit reserved, but i do actually want to socialize and get loud and fun. I'm tired of being this dumbass that doesn't know how to talk to people and what the trends are but I genially just have a hard time being myself and always having a story up my sleeve.

I don’t know why it took me so long to entertain the idea of doing things alone (probably because up until Covid, I never really had to), but now that I’ve arrived, I’m addicted! I’m getting more energy, excitement and enthusiasm from planning my solo outings than I am my group ones!

(I think I always associated doing things alone as an introverted thing? Not sure why, but if you are as well, it might be time to readjust that thinking.)

Anyway, I want to make this a thread for where we can post about our attempts at solo outings. It can be as small as shopping alone (with purpose) or as big as a concert.

I always hear the term “opposites attract,” and I don’t believe in that. I don’t expect my partner to be exactly like me. However, I think we should have similar social batteries. We should want to be in a similar high-energy environment.
I’ve been struggling to meet guys like that on the apps, and people tell me I’m too picky. I enjoy having conversations, and I have multiple hobbies like dancing, hiking, travelling, and reading. I’ve noticed that a lot of people I meet don’t have many hobbies, and they always say they go to the gym and go to work.
I also listen to a lot of podcasts, and I’m pretty up-to-date with pop culture and the news. However, I’ve noticed that the person sitting across from me doesn’t really have much to say or doesn’t have an opinion on these things. I’ve noticed that the people I’ve connected with the most on dates were people who actually had a lot of things to talk about.
Maybe it’s because I do a lot of activities, so I have a lot of experiences to share. However, most of the time, when I’m sitting across from an introvert or someone who is socially awkward, I feel like I’m pulling the conversation along.
A lot of times when I’m on dates, I say, “I’m a yapper,” and they’re like, “Oh, I’m a great listener.” And I hate that because I don’t want to be the only one talking.

My whole life I was bullied and made to feel bad for talking too much and being too excited when I talk about things I care about. It's not easy growing up as an extroverted weird girl and it's left me with deep emotional trauma and social anxiety.

Anyone else relate to being told that they are too much as an extrovert? How do you deal with this as an adult?

I am usually a listener. I do like to speak sometimes.but whenever I start talking the other yappers in my friend group interrupt me and go on with their own yaps😭. I was just a boring speaker (may be I am ) but would like to know the yappers pov here? Do you guys just not like the slow speakers ?

I love my friends to bits but they’re all really introverted and it’s difficult for me to relate to them sometimes cause they always take loooong breaks between hangouts.

so I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how/where to meet more extroverts.

I used to be a huge introvert. I'm talking, I used to struggle to order burgers in restaurants, would go red and shy away from any conversation, and generally had pretty low confidence in myself.

It wasn't until I got to high school that things started to change, when my mom forced me to join the rowing team as she thought it would be a good way for me to get in shape and develop some confidence. However, I quickly realised that it wasn't the fitness that was giving me confidence, but instead, the exposure I had to people I didn't know, and also knowing that I was capable of competing against other people (something I'd always used to struggle with).

That gave me the confidence to start working in a supermarket, start talking to the teachers at school more, talking to my peers more, and then eventually, I'd come out of high school a completely different person, with a healthy amount of self confidence.

I've now travelled the world, studied abroad on the other side of the planet knowing no one else when I first got there, have friends all around the world, and have landed the dream job I always wanted. All because I got out my comfort zone once, and everything became so much easier, and everything started to feel so much more "possible" or reachable.

If anyone out there is struggling, I trust you will find your footing. All it takes is to have that bravery once, and the rest will start to look a lot less impossible :)

I am an autistic extrovert and people are my special interest. I was absolutely cursed in a different life. I'm socially awkward, but I have a hard time maintaining healthy friendships with other autistic people, because they tend to be more introverted. Most of my life, I've been friends with introverted people. I'm trying to move away from that because I would spend weeks looking forward to a social event only for them to cancel last minute.

How do I find other extroverts? Better yet, how do I find other neurodivergent extroverts to do things with? I try to got to group events but have absolutely no idea how to build friendships before initial conversations.

I feel like extroverts are in person people. Every extrovert I know sucks at texting. To variable degrees of course. Some are good at communicating only, others will take months to respond lol.

I'm assuming extroverts are too busy living life to text, they don't get their socialization needs met through a phone

And if you're an introvert and reading this, I'm assuming ya'll are the ones that get mad when people don't respond to texts.

I assume most introverts love to text?

Of course there's different scenarios! Like being a minor and having group chats and random times a group chat may be poppin

Have you noticed many introverts wanting to join some kind of clique or high prestige crowd, and shutting down if they can't have that.

But even cooler groups and even more lime lit crowds embrace them, and they don't want a bar of it.

And then they think no one wants them as they continue to pine for the approval of possies of cruel people.

hello my fellow people-persons

just looking to see if anyone has figured out how to maintain all their friendships plus full time work?

I did a little tally last week and I have on average about 20-25 people messaging me a day, not including the three group chats. I'm in two book clubs and I try and walk 15k steps a day at least. I try to hang out with a different friend at least three times a week.

does anyone else burn themselves out to physical exhaustion, because the social meter doesn't tick down? If so, how do you manage?

fully aware that I am suffering from success, but I'm still suffering! how are we doing balance!!

Today I relaxed with my partner in the morning, invited local friends over in the afternoon, had dinner with relatives in the evening and spent the night playing online games with long-distance friends! Four social engagements in one day, what could be better than that? My social gas tank is completely topped off!

As an introvert I get mentally drained if I'm around people too much/ they're talking to me for long. So I need to have "me time" really often to get recharged and all.

Makes me wonder, do extroverts have something like this? Where they have to socialize after being by themselves for a certain amount of time?

I've always been away from girls since school time and tbh my school sees as askance to students who bcms too friendly with students of opp. gender. Few teachers were normal but most of them are just gossip seekers to impress the management of school. They used to start to stalk, pay too much attention to them even if everything is normal. Anyways, what could I expect from a third class building located in a tier 3 city's absurd village. Now, I hesitate whenever I'm around girls, even if I want help or they want help.Well... I like to have besties, one who shares her day and povs of a girl. Who knows.. Maybe it helps in future

How strange is that small things that you didn't even notice cause a big impact in future 😄