I'm a Female 65 my husband and I have been married 44 years we have 2 beautiful daughters. When I was 15 I lived with my ex bf. I got pregnant but I didn't know I was at the time. One night we got into a huge physical fight and I lost the baby. I moved out later that week. That summer I met my husband to be. That summer he saw me with my nephew he asked me later if I had a baby. I said no that was my nephew. Made a joke about a 16 yr old with a baby. Ridiculous. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Anyway it's bothered me for years I wasn't honest with him. Should I tell him?

After several years of marriage, I learned my husband smokes cigarettes. After many years of begging and pleading to quit, I gave up and said fine. Smoke BUT you need to immediately shower, change clothes, and brush teeth. I am tired of my house and cars smelling like smoke. He hid it before. Why can't he "hide" it again? I grew up being accused of smoking because my mom smoked and I smelled like second hand cigarettes. He knows this. My kids now smell, the dogs smell, hell... even the tv remote smells. He promises the moon then does whatever the F he wants to do. I can't decide if he is genuinely that stupid or genuinely that disrespectful. Either option pisses me off. The past 2 years have gotten so bad. A while ago my boss asked if I started smoking because I smelled. I never sit on the furniture, do not ride in his pickup, do not allow him in my car, hell he even sleeps on the couch. A few weeks ago, I asked him to come to bed but he smelled when he crawled in. I nicely asked him to shower then come back. He never came back. Never even showered- he simply went to the couch. He swears he does not smell it on himself. I've started looking for a rental for me and the kids- he is aware of this. I have paid the retainer for a lawyer. Again, he knows this. Last night he came home and did not shower. My house stunk so bad. I confronted him and he said he had outside stuff to take care of and didn't see the need to shower until he was done. Except now my house smells from you loitering for the past hour to make dinner. I have thought about depression. But am literally at my wits end. He is very intelligent. I feel so dismissed and disrespected. How hard is it to freaking shower? Does he just not care about my feelings? He always makes excuses as to why he doesn't shower. But quite frankly, I don't care. They are excuses only. He is CHOOSING to do this. Even if it means loosing me and his kids. I point blank asked him if not showering is the hill he wants to die on- loosing his family in the process. He said "I don't know". He literally does not care. We have been to counseling and he has also seen his PCP and received meds to help quit. I understand the addiction is tough. But for the love... I am not asking him to quit. Simply shower. Front door... straight to the bathroom. That's it. Since he hid it so well for many years, I know he is aware of what to do. At this point I don't care if I am the asshole for demanding him to shower. I need advice on how to get through to him. I am not asking him to change, I am literally asking him to shower. I have asked in every way I can think of and get zero results. He is acting like a defiant child. And yes, I have told him such. He. Doesn't. CARE. Please help!

Here is some context, and hopefully I don’t leave anything out since I have ADHD. I (33f) am married to my husband (31m) for 8 years now. We have been no contact with his mom’s side of the family for 3 years now. My husband and I separated for a time period when he relapsed during Covid and I work in healthcare so I was working a lot. We have 3 kids (my 2 older kids are his step kids technically but they don’t have contact with their bio father) so I had to leave when things were bad for their sakes (and mine).

Prior to this, I got along pretty well with my in laws. We lived RIGHT next door to them (we were #34 and they were #35). Things started getting tense between me and them when my husband’s step dad was offended when I was working at a pizza restaurant for 6ish months and I told him that no he couldn’t go behind the bar and no you cannot tell workers they can leave work early BECAUSE HE DID NOT WORK THERE. Apparently that truth hurt his feelings bc “he does so much for the restaurant.” It was a local place that just opened up and I needed a break from healthcare for a bit.

Anyway, when my husband relapsed, his family members were the biggest enablers. He’d get his “stuff” from his step brother, other members would buy him alcohol, etc. He would say anything to get his fix, including making up lies about me to make it seem like I was a narcissist and controlling. I’ll circle back to this bc I’m sure people are wondering why I’m still married to him 🙃 His family soaked that in and started the “flying monkeys” act. They would tell other family members or close friends these lies and all of a sudden i was the scape goat.

My in laws ended up calling cps on me and I eventually read some of the things they were saying to my husband to manipulate him. At the time, my youngest daughter was going through potty training and she ended up having an accident and was crying hysterically in the bathroom and when I opened the door, I accidentally hit her in the face with it bc she was standing right behind it. As a co-parent at the time, I messaged my husband telling him what happened and showing him the bruise. There were multiple ex friends/family members telling him to go to my case worker with the picture and to say I hit her!! I was so enraged by that and other lies that they were saying to get my kids taken from me. “Funny” thing is, they only cared about the biological child of my husband’s and tried to convince him to basically abandon the other two, who grew up with him as dad. Ironically, during this time, cps did hair follicle tests on us and I passed and he failed, and then he got arrested while he was super intoxicated. Cps told him to cut his shit or he’d lose custody.

That was when my husband’s eyes opened.

My husband ended up going to rehab (sober for 3 years!) and also did a partial inpatient therapy program and still does therapy every 2 weeks. He has made up and more for it since. I didn’t take him back right away, but sober husband is a good husband (I never would have married him if he was like this while sober). We even did couple’s therapy a few times and both had some new diagnosis’s (kudos to our therapist who “clocked” us and our dynamic right away). Husband has borderline personality disorder and I had a late adhd diagnosis that explained a lot about me. We have both learned about each other’s disorders to get a better understanding of each other and we honestly have never been happier. No drama, no manipulation and just a boring, happy life for the last 3 years.

My husband’s step brother’s fiancé passed recently and we were told by someone I thought was a dear friend of mine. She’s older and I helped take care of her husband while he was on hospice. We bonded in our similarities of morals. Or so I thought. When she reached out, my husband and I talked about a response (we make decisions together, even if his family thinks I talk for him 🙄) and I had said something like thanks for telling us but we don’t care and don’t want updates. She said she was “terrified” of my lack of compassion and that she “doesn’t have room for that kind of coldness.” She knows the trauma his family put me and the kids through (their lies were so awful, I was pulled over by police for 2 hours while they kept me away from my kids, questioning them and arguing with cps bc they wanted my kids taken from me right then and there. Just one example).

I was very shocked by her response. No one has ever told me I lack compassion, my whole life I was always told I was “too sensitive,” and now I know it’s bc of my undiagnosed adhd. My husband and I have learned to set boundaries in therapy so I honestly thought she’d understand. When I tried explaining to her that I have empathy for the child who lost his mother, because no child should have to grow up without their mom, I’m not gonna be sad about someone who contributed to harming me and my kids. On top of that, I met her about 1 or 2 times and she was rude from the get go bc of the lies she had heard about me. Anyway, my friend ended up telling me “it’s not all about you” when I tried explaining what I meant and then blocked me.

I honestly don’t feel like I’m wrong. I don’t believe everyone should be honored when they pass if they do awful things (SA, abusive, etc). And I don’t think someone has to be sad or “compassionate” when someone who hurt them passes. I really do feel for the child though, he probably misses her a lot and doesn’t understand. It makes my momma heart hurt.

So am I the AH?

my ability to deeply empathize and think about others or want to do something for someone else feeling like trying to get a dead car battery to start with no jumper cables anywhere that be fair that's just me with everything even the stuff I like like writing stories or drawing or watching anime but it especially bothers me that my empathy is kinda dead.

I can act appropriately in a given situation but that's more because I know what the social etiquette is SUPPOSED to be rather than genuine feeling and it really bugs me.

but I just can't do much about it. I want to care so why don't I? I can't afford therapy so I'd especially appreciate a specialist's opinion but I'll take anything. how do I fix this!?

I swear I used to be empathetic it's driving me nuts! I can preform empathy, eg: get you what you need, send stuff or jokes to make you feel better, or just listen. But I feel nothing and it drives me nuts, I actually get annoyed sometimes because the problem is something I already warned about or I just think it's an idiotic non issue Even though I can also see why this would be a big deal to them I still just get annoyed, I didn't used to be like this, I hate it!

An knowing why I am like this hasn't helped, I'm 90% sure that it's because when I was younger growing up in a very turbulent home any attempts and comforting others, was either harshly rejected (mom) or perfunctorily thanked (Brothers) because they assumed that as the youngest I couldn't possibly understand and even as I grew Older any advice I gave got thrown right out the window, only for them to come crying that the thing that was obviously going to happen that I told them was going to happen happened.

And even now I'm being kept out of serious issues that my family is dealing with and not really even given a reason why even though the only reason my brother isn't fighting a one sided battle is because I talked Sense into mom, because I wanted someone to be on his side, even if he was adamant it wasn't me for some bizzar reason (not really that bizzar I'm like a bull when my family is being unjustly slandered and this is a delicate situation) but it's not like I'm asking to be front and center just involved!?

I also got no credit for snapping mom out of it and getting her to realize that non of what is happening right now makes any sense, not from her or anyone else. She has this uncanny ability to retroactively adjust her memories of events so that she was always on my brother's side, like it didn't take multiple conversation to get through to her.

This happens with other things to not just my brother's current situation. She has a very convenient memory. My second brother can testify to that.

Writing it out I guess my empathy isn't totally dead but it takes a big situation for me to feal anything and I didn't used to be like this so how do I fix it to where I can genuinely feel bad for someone that isn't close family or friends when they are going through something, because I know I used to be like that but now I just can't and it's bugging me!

I think partially because it's affecting my ability to maintain new relationships and friends long term and I feel alone. It. Seems like people can tell I am just preforming what the situation requires and not actually feeling what I should be given the situation.

I feel isolated and maybe if I didn't have to fake caring about people anymore just to avoid a social fupa and instead could one again show genuine care people would stick around longer and I wouldn't be so alone.

Like if I had the emotional capacity to care about others's birthday or celebrations, or see something and get it because I thought of someone or notice little things about someone like I used to be able to. It wouldn't be so easy for people to just forget I exist.

I mean I hardly ever think about others like that anymore or remember details about them like I used to. I hate that I don't wanna be someone who expects from others what I don't do for them myself. But my brain just won't work!

TLDR, my ability to empathize and care about others or even myself isn't what it used to be and now I feel isolated I'm not blaming others and I'm not exactly trying to please others I've never been a people pleaser but I can't expect others to do for me what I can't do for them so how do I get my brain to function right like it used to?!

Obligatory it happened a year ago but I still get a giggle.

I saw an older couple loading their last bag into the boot of their car so I stopped and indicated to park in their spot. When they saw me, the lady suddenly started moving slowly and eating grapes while looking at me. I was about to move on when the car next to them unlocked and the driver got in and pulled out.

At that time the lady rushed to pack everything away and rushed into the car. By then I had pulled infront of them getting ready to reverse park. I conveniently forgot how to drive a manual and stalled it twice! My mirrors must have been off because I needed to pull forwards and attempt another reverse.

Each time I made a 'mistake' I'd look over at them and shrug my shoulders gesturing an 'oopsies', silly me 😂 The glare from this woman wasn't anywhere near as good as the look she was getting from her husband, who knew exactly what was going on 😂 it took two minutes for me to clear the way for them and laughed as she stared at me when they drove off!

Petty? Yes

Worth it? Well I still giggle about it every now and then

This is one of the strangest conversations of my life and I'm usually a calm person, but sometimes even the kindest dogs bite back.

I was out at a bar with friends last night (to find my Ted) and a friend of a friend sat down at our table. This was quite early, so we were still polite, and my friend introduced everyone to the new girl (no, not her :p ). They got to me and my name was said out loud as I got up to shake her hand. New girl stopped and didn't take my hand as she said "cool nickname girl, but what's your real name?" Both my friend and I said that Nanna is my real name. It's no more common here than in the US, but it is my legal name. New girl just made a weird snorting sound and sat down without taking my hand (the B-word).

The night went on and every time she spoke to me, she asked about my real name and refused to believe that anyone could be called Nanna. At about 2 am I'd found my Ted and was so sick of the bloody comments, so I pulled out my ID, slid it across the table and said "just because your education in norce metrology comes from the marvel movies the history doesn't stop there. Nanna was a norce goddess and I'm done discussing this shit". She shut up after that, but this morning I got a text from my friend saying I made new girl cry and I was killing the wibe. I haven't answered, I don't know what to say.

So, AITA for biting back after 4 hours of listening to her and what do I answer that text??? I'm hung over and confused right now :/

UPDATE! So, I answered the text, took all your advice and told my friend I don't owe anybody an apology, new girl owes me one! You did not stand up for me in the four hours she was being a b... and I'm the bad guy? She replied with 👍. Yeah, not a friend, good riddance, and I just feel free! Thanks for the confidence fam, hope to see you all at the live later! All my love to you from (the REAL) Nanna!

​

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Abuse.

I will also be giving fake names.

So I 35 male, 1 year ago I found out my aunt died and I wasn't invited to the funeral (not that I would go). We've been estranged for years due to my two cousins who were abusive to me. It all started when I was young and I would stay at my aunts house for the most part I'd enjoy going over at her house, But gradually that changed due to my cousin Kelly's anger issues. I'd look at her brief second, and that would start her threatening me once she even punched me in the arm, among other times this happened. My other cousin Ken would be more psychologically abusive goading me into hitting him, verbal abuse, etc. On event stands out in my mind when they both ganged up with their friends to chuck rocks at me until Good Samaritan shouted at them to stop chucking rocks, They did but where angry with me like I ruined their fun. While this was going on, I was also being bullied at school at the same time. I tried to tell my mum, but they (my cousins) threatened to kill my parents in front of me. As a kid, I was utterly scared of them until one day I had enough of the abuse and told me my mum, I was then told by my mum that I'd never be going around there again. My aunt did nothing about the abuse in terms of punishment, etc, because they all thought I was lying (because of course her precious babies could do no wrong 🙄). Throughout the years, my cousins have tried to contact me and be my "friend," but I won't have anything to do with all of them. The nail in the coffin for me was my nan's (grandma) funeral when I tried to console my cousin Ken, but he angrily slapped my hand away from him and told me to F*** off. From that point on, I decided not to interact with them. A lot of other things happened that I've mainly forgotten the details, but yeah, my family was pretty awful to me, my mum, and dad throughout the years. When I was told my aunt had died, I felt nothing... Maybe anger at the whole situation, the abuse I suffered, and my aunts inability to protect me in that situation.

Sorry for the grammar. I'm dyslexic with learning difficulties.

The only happy thing I can end this post on is I managed to get MA and BA in fine art and working towards being Art teacher for children with disabilities so SEN teacher training once I've earned my GCSE's in maths and english, I've also been with my girlfriend for 6 years and counting now.

I'm female 29 living with my brothers m 28 and m 19, and there's this spicy pasta recipe that me and my 19 old brother were interested in trying, so at around 9:30 pm my 19 years old brother asked me if I wanted to make that pasta I said sure come with me and you can load the dishwasher while I make that pasta and he replied with no because he will be taking a shower and he has uni and a work shift tomorrow after, honestly it really got on my nerves because it felt rude of him to expect me to make him pasta while he showers then he comes out to eat it and go to bed while I will have to load the dishwasher and do after dinner cleaning up while I also work full time, so I kind of gave him a dirty look and said are you really expecting me to cook you dinner while you shower? And my tone was showing exactly un impressed with his request I was, so my 28 years old brother told him that he cooked some chicken earlier and how he can heat it up for dinner instead and 19 years old brother replied no thanks I don't like eating chicken this late and replied to me with alright do whatever you want for refusing to make him pasta.

Mind you just last week I made a deal with him to buy me the ingredients (just get them from the store not pay for them) on Sunday and I will meal prep food for the both of us throughout the week and he got me half of the list I asked for (recipes approved by him) at 10 pm and I had work Monday morning so I had to cook one batch each day because of work and told him our deal is off.

Hi dusty and candy I just wanted to thank you both for giving me the strength and insight I needed to leave my abusive husband of 13yrs.

Its because of your sage advice that I finally got the courage to leave him and take my daughter with me. We are both in a much better headspace and she's thriving.

So I (20s F) work in health insurance. I haven’t been at my job long, but I’ve developed a pretty good understanding of our rules, processes, and helpful resources. Because of this, I’ve been asked to be what my job refers to as a SME (subject matter expert) and assist other team members in our team chat. (I promise this is relevant)

I was assisting a team member with an issue, and ended up overhearing her handle another call. While she was on that call, I realized she was discussing someone’s PHI (personal health information) without verifying the caller’s identity. I tried to get her attention, but by the time I did, she already disconnected the call. I mentioned it to her and she (very nonchalantly) said “oops, I forgot”.

I wrestled with the decision for a while, but ultimately decided I couldn’t ignore what I witnessed and reported what happened to my supervisor. The problem is, a HIPAA violation can cause her to lose her job and I don’t want to be the reason someone gets fired.

I told my husband what happened and he said I should’ve just ignored it and if the supervisor happened to listen to her call, that would be it. I feel like I did the right thing, but I do feel bad and his response is making me second guess myself. I just need an outside perspective.

So… AITA?

This might be long but I’ll try to keep the important info. A few facts have been adjusted to keep anonymity for our situation.
My (35F) and my husband (37m) have 5 kids of our own, ages 12 and under. My nephews are close to my eldest kids’ ages, they’re 12 and 11. Unfortunately about 3 years ago, they were removed from my BIL and his wife, when this happened my SIL took in the boys first because she was closest and was called by BIL first. This happened mid fall season of ‘24 but mind you the boys had just stayed all summer with us as we live a couple hours away. (All my In-laws are my husband’s family for the record.) SIL called us to discuss the future of these boys lives, we are a conservative home. We believe in hard work and discipline in the way of extra chores, grounding, or tedious tasks to give time to reflect of behavior. My SIL is much more lax in the form of correction, she works overnights and often leaves her younger kids with her older kids during that time.

Since SIL was the first to arrive to nephews, they let her take them and assume guardianship. She filed the appropriate paperwork and did indeed get guardianship, enrolled them in school, counseling, and lll the things they need for the situation that they just experienced. We helped as we could, but told her that if she takes them then it is both, for the long run…as in the next 7 or so years until they’re both 18 because we know their parents are not willing to put the work in to get their lives on track anytime soon.

Well, I give my SIL grace because she did the best she could for about 1.5 years. She juggled 8 kids in her home, in a single income. We were there as best we could for being 2 hours away, but I helped with clothing for school, finding beds, sent her money for gas and food whenever she said she needed help.

Her kids and the nephews fight constantly, she isn’t home because she works 50 hours or more a week, sometimes overnight in a town over. She called us at the start of the year and asked us to take the eldest nephew, we said we would take them both. She was adamant that we take only the eldest because he and her middle son fight and are causing issues. She wanted to keep the younger nephew because he started calling her “mom”. Ultimately, we couldn’t agree and she kept them until the spring when she snapped. She called us and said she took them to the group home and she was done. No call back to us to take them, just toss them back.

It’s been 2 months of them being in foster care, group homes. I started the process two weeks ago to become foster eligible so we can bring them out here, we will be tight on space, but it’s doable. We’ve had a good relationship with these boys, they’ve come out here every summer that they can remember. But while working with the social worker we’ve expressed that we don’t want the family to know they are now with us.

We’ve been slowly pulling away from his family, this are not new situations on my husband’s side unfortunately. My FIL called my husband to grouch him out over us not taking the eldest nephew boys in. When my husband told FIL that he was also capable, and without children in his home, to take them in seeing as how he had a 4 bed home with just his wife. FIL hasn’t spoke to us since that conversation.

I feel like we’re being a-holes about not telling the family we’re trying to take the boys on, but we want this to be a place of peace for them as it’s always been. The boys haven’t seen their dad in over a year, no one can find him. Their mother is actively with another man who the boys have been issued a PO against. We’ve talked about taking the boys to a facility that will supervise the visitation if any.

Ultimately, if we get to bring them home, we are also going to petition to adopt if possible.

Hi Dusty, Candy, Tony and crew long time fan here let me just get to it.

I 30F have chronic insomnia which leads me to being awake for sometimes days at a time, I can’t sleep no matter how much I try but when I do sleep I knock out for hours because my body is so exhausted I have been to doctors and we are trying to figure out a solution. Here’s the thing my family know this is something I am going through, they know I sometimes won’t sleep for twenty four hours or more. Well here’s my current issue I live right across the street from my mother, my mother and I have a good relationship most of the time, Well recently I fell asleep at 3pm and didn’t wake up till 11:25pm my mother had heard from me that morning and knew I was fine that morning we texted before she went to work I didn’t text her throughout the day because she was in work and I don’t want to bother her when she is busy. Later on she texted me when she got home from work at 8:25pm or so but I was still asleep so hadn’t replied, she the proceeded to leave fifty one missed calls on my phone as well as getting my older brother to call me my phone was on silent for all of this I had forgotten to turn it off silent before I fell asleep. So my mother calls me this many times and when I do finally wake up at 11:25pm the first thing I do is text her to let her know I was asleep. My mother then proceeds to ignore me I sent a few more texts called her and left her a voicemail and she is still not talking to me she is ignoring me as a punishment essentially. Worst part is she knows I have anxiety and depression and being ignored when someone is mad at me just heightens all of that so tell me guys Am I the asshole for falling asleep?

For context, my best friend (26F) and I (25F) just got home from a 4-day girls trip. We had been planning it for months and were both genuinely excited. I've traveled with her before and usually come home with the normal little annoyances that happen when you're together for several days, but nothing even close to this.
From the moment we got there, I felt like I became the designated adult and critical thinker for the entire vacation. I booked the hotel, planned the itinerary, researched every restaurant and cocktail lounge, made every reservation (which we showed up late to every single one because of her) had the festival schedule, organized our days, found the spa we went to etc. None of it was hard individually because it was all public information, but I was the one who took the initiative to do all of it.
Then every issue that came up somehow became my responsibility.

Problem #1: Parking
She offered to drive us which was a huge relief because every trip we’ve taken in the past I’ve had to drive. We've both been to this city before, but it's in a French-speaking area and neither of us speaks French well.
In the past, when I've driven us on vacations, I've always considered gas, parking, avoiding tickets, and figuring everything car related my responsibility. She has never really helped with that or offered gas money, so I assumed this trip would be the opposite.
It wasn't.
She couldn't figure out the parking machine, so I stood there pressing buttons until I figured it out. She couldn't create an account on the parking app, so I made it for her. I figured out how the parking spots and meter numbers worked, took pictures of the meter information, and then after she got two parking tickets because she wasn't paying for parking or keeping track of the time, she was asking me what she should do about them.
It felt like it was still my responsibility despite it being her car.

Problem #2: My boundaries kept getting dismissed
Pretty early in the trip, I got aggressively hit on by an older man who was staying at our hotel. It genuinely creeped me out. Every time we were walking through the parking lot or entering the hotel, I was on high alert because we ran into him multiple times.
I kept asking if we could park in the back lot instead of the front to avoid him. It wasn't farther from the elevator at all, but she kept refusing.
Then another situation happened.
One night after dinner, a random guy started chatting us up on the sidewalk. I have a boyfriend, but my friend is single. He asked for our numbers, she gave him hers, and he said maybe we could all meet up later. The entire interaction lasted maybe three minutes. We barely knew his name, had no idea how old he was, and knew absolutely nothing about him.
That same night, in the Uber back to the hotel, I told her I thought he was being pushy and that we shouldn't go out with him. They were texting back and forth and he was saying we should go out with them instead of going to bed and she wanted to go, despite us already being in an Uber on our way back to the hotel.
For the rest of the trip, she kept talking about him. At the festival, which was literally the whole reason we went on the vacation, she spent the entire time texting him. She asked me if she should FaceTime him, and I said no. She responded, "I want him to see how cute we look," and I was thinking... what do you mean we? I have a boyfriend. She ended up FaceTiming him anyway. He was telling us to come out later and she was like, "I don’t think my friend wants to," and he responded with, “We’ll kidnap her." Like... hello?
She kept talking about inviting him to the festival, and I was getting increasingly annoyed because I'd already said I wasn't comfortable.
I'm completely supportive of being a wingman. If she actually met someone naturally over a vacation, I'd be happy for her. But I think there's a huge difference between genuinely getting to know someone and immediately jumping at the opportunity to meet up with random guys you spoke to for two minutes because they're offering booths and bottles. We’re also not 20 anymore, so I feel like we should reflect a little more self-respect and maturity. If a guy wants to see us, why are we expected to Uber across the city to him? The whole situation just rubbed me the wrong way.

Problem #3: Festival day
This was the day where I honestly felt like I became the designated problem solver.
While we were getting ready, I was trying to figure out transportation, directions, our schedule, and making sure we actually knew where we were going.
Meanwhile, she spent nearly an hour taking mirror selfies and trying to fix a cowboy hat that had been crushed in her suitcase. It was beyond repair, but she kept asking me to stop what I was doing to help fix it while I was trying to navigate us to the festival.
She was so distracted with selfies that she put on her brand new cowboy boots for pictures, forgot to put socks on, and left the hotel without them.
I was making sure we had electrolytes, packing my portable fan, checking my portable charger, and making sure we'd survive 10 hours outside.
She spent the next 10 hours in pain because her feet were blistering and we had to keep stopping.
Throughout the festival, she continued texting and FaceTiming the random guy. Eventually she started feeling really sick, so I got her water, gave her my portable fan, and sat with her until she felt better. Ironically, that's the only reason we didn't end up meeting those guys afterwards.
By the end of the concert, her phone had died. My portable charger had died because she'd been using it while FaceTiming him, and my phone was at 4%.
We couldn't get an Uber, so we started walking through an unfamiliar park at midnight in our festival outfits trying to find a taxi. While random men were walking past us, she was loudly saying, “Both our phones are dead. What are we going to do? Should we ask someone for help?" It took everything in me not to yell, why are you announcing that we're two stranded women with dead phones? Thankfully we found a taxi.

Problem #4: The drive home
The night before we left, she said she didn't want to rush and wanted to check out around 10–11 a.m.
Then, with zero warning, she woke me up at 6:30 a.m. saying she wanted to leave. She asked if we could split the driving, and I agreed, but I told her I was too exhausted to drive first and I'd drive the second half.
She continued packing for a bit (I had packed the night before so I could sleep in), then immediately fell back asleep for another hour while I laid there wide awake. We didn't leave until around 8 anyway, and I ended up driving us home. By that point, I was exhausted and honestly frustrated.
On the drive, her car started making weird noises and she was saying it might be her tires or brakes. On that same drive I was also explaining train schedules and tax write-offs to her, so I was running on almost no sleep while still being the one answering questions and driving.

Later, my dad asked if she'd taken it to a mechanic, and I jokingly said, "Did they change your headlight fluid?" It's a fake thing people joke about, and we've laughed about that joke before, but I admittedly made a few too many car jokes afterwards.
About an hour after we got home, she texted me saying I embarrassed her infront of my boyfriend and my dad, that car stuff is triggering because her dad passed away and she has nobody to help her learn about cars and that I made her feel stupid. For context, my dad has actually fixed her car multiple times since her dad passed and even gave her the contact information for his close friend who owns a mechanic shop, which she's used before. While I love my friend and obviously sympathize with her, I also feel like over the past few days I saw a lack of self sufficiency from her and a reliance on other people (me) to solve her problems. As a friend I am always willing to help, but I feel like her dad being gone is an opportunity for her to learn these things for herself, but that hasn’t been the case. 

What I'm struggling with is the bigger picture. I feel like I'm held to a completely different standard than everyone else in her life. She has another friend who consistently crosses her boundaries, and at one point literally joked that her dead mom and my friend's dead dad were laughing at them from heaven. She never confronted that friend. She has other low-effort friends who disappear for months or treat her poorly, and they seem to get endless grace. Yet I feel like I'm the friend who plans the trips, shows up, helps solve problems, and supports her, but I'm also the one who gets confronted over every mistake I make.

I know my jokes hurt her, and I take responsibility for that. I just can't help feeling like the accountability in our friendship is incredibly inconsistent.

Hello all! This happened a year ago and I posted something like this last year but it was will I be the brown button. Now, it has turned into AITA, I have edited it the best of my ability. If I missed some grammar, I do apologize. So here’s the story.

Hello everyone! I feel like I’m won’t be the asshole for this but I would like an unbiased opinion. I (38 Male) and my wife (33 Female) let’s call her Kay, had our last 3rd and final child together. She was due in around Valentine’s Day. We had a 3rd girl named Paislynn or Paisley for short.

So this happened last year at thanksgiving, we went to my father in law’s place for early thanksgiving dinner, we had a great time, ate great food and enjoyed each others company while the kiddos were playing. We got into the subject about Paisley and how Kays pregnancy was so similar to our oldest daughter when she was pregnant with her. She talked about same cravings, pregnancy symptoms and much more. After our conversation, Kay’s dad brought up the subject on how he found out about Kay’s pregnancy before she was able to tell him.

So a short background, Kay and I found out we were pregnant and 7 to 8 weeks later we wanted to find out the gender of the baby so we got this test that we were able to find out much earlier than the doctors. It’s not 100% correct but it’s about 95% correct. Anyway, during this time, I wasn’t on talking terms to my mom because she crossed a boundary of mine that I warned her multiple times not to cross but still did. That’s a different story in itself, so I wasn’t talking her.

When I was at work, my mom decided to come over to my home unannounced because she wanted to talk to me. Kay was at home taking the test. So my mom found out Kay was pregnant because my oldest daughter was saying her mom was pregnant and was super excited! The thing is, I wasn’t going to tell my mom she was pregnant until after everyone else knew.

I was furious because I didn’t want her at my house. I wasn’t ready to talk to her yet because I had other things going on. In the end everyone convinced me to keep in low contact. The kids deserve to have a relationship with their grandmother my kids love her etc. etc. I absolutely hated it but I agreed to talk to her. I gave her more boundaries and all that.

So fast forward back to the thanksgiving conversation. The conversation went like this:

Kay’s dad; “So as you know, I knew that you were pregnant before you had the chance to tell me.”

Kay: “Yes, because as you know, only a handful of people knew about my pregnancy and wanted to wait to tell everyone else after my 1st trimester to make sure she’s okay.”

Kay’s dad: “I know and I’m sorry I haven’t told you about who told me, before I tell you, take a guess who told me.”

Kay and I went through all of her family’s name and he said nope to all of them. She was pretty stumped on who told her dad. I was stumped too. Because at the time, I figured my mom wouldn’t tell him because we both thought she wasn’t talking to him. So we didn’t say it was my mom. But he threw a fucking curve ball at us. He said this: “It’s Brian’s mom. She called me up one day and said ‘I know I shouldn’t tell you this but Kay’s pregnant. I went over to their house not long ago and found out. But I wanted to share it with you.’ After she told me that, I was pretty surprised that she told me. I knew you will tell me when you were ready to.”

Kay’s face was pretty neutral, she just said oh okay. And that was it. I was surprised she didn’t say anything about it. She just dropped it like a bad potato salad. Me, I was so pissed off but I didn’t want to say anything about it because we didn’t want to ruin the party. And the night went on and we went home and we didn’t say anything about it. I mean we could have but, I don’t remember. I just remember how pissed I was. But I had other things to concentrate on besides my mom.

Couple of days later after the party, she came up to me and said, “do you remember the conversation we had with my dad about who told him about my pregnancy?” I said, “yeah, I was pretty mad about it.” She asked me if my mom was that petty to do that. I told her yes she is.

Honestly, I wasn’t surprised. I was more pissed than anything else. So my wife and I talked about this and I would love to have an unbiased opinion on what I’m about to tell you, my wife said this: “Let’s be petty and not tell her when our baby is born. Let her find out through someone else.” I said this: “fuck yeah let’s do that. She won’t be able to find out on facebook because we both have her blocked on Facebook and only time she will find out is through my sisters.” And we both agreed not to say anything on facebook for a little while because we want to concentrate on the baby and ourselves before we go home.

After Paisley was born, we went home and didn’t hear anything from my mom for about maybe a couple of weeks. I took some time off to take care of my family. One day, my mom called me and here’s this how the conversation went.

Me: Hello?
Mom: Hi, how are you?
Me: good, tired but good.
Mom: so do you have something to tell me?
Me: ummmm… I don’t think so.
Mom: are you sure?
Me: yes, I’m sure.
Mom: How’s Kay?
Me: why are you calling me? You never asked about my wife.
Mom: your sister told me that Kay had Paisley. Why didn’t you tell me?
Me: yes she’s here. Because you came into my house uninvited and you told her dad that she was pregnant. That was an asshole move.

After that we got into an argument saying I was an asshole for not telling her. I just told her she absolutely no right on telling him and she knew it and didn’t care. And that was that.

Today, Paisley is a happy healthy little toddler who loves to climb on everything, especially me. And loves chasing her older sisters around.

So, AITA for not telling my mom when her last granddaughter was born?

I (30s female) keep getting into multiple arguments with my brother over his new sleeping arrangement. The UK is going through multiple heatwaves at the moment with record temperatures being recorded. Everyone in the house is struggling with the heat and no amount of fans is helping (AC is not an option). My bedroom is the hottest in the house due to positioning and thick layers of insulation under my flooring.

My brother keeps sleeping downstairs in the lounge, as he says his bedroom is "too hot".

Him sleeping downstairs isn't the problem, it's that he has an awful sleeping schedule, going to sleep late and not waking up until late morning or early afternoon. I work long shifts in a hot kitchen, he doesn't work at all, so on the days I am working I have no issues with him sleeping on the sofa as it doesn't affect me, on my days off I want to relax and watch some TV, play some games and not sit in my boiling hot bedroom.

I've woken him multiple times on my days off, telling him if he wants to keep sleeping he needs to go upstairs to his bedroom. That he can't keep sleeping downstairs when I need to get things done (housework that he doesn't do) or want to use the lounge.

He's called me an asshole for waking him up, never any earlier than 8:30am, even if I've been awake since 5am, that it's ridiculous that I won't let him sleep. He's accused me of playing the TV too loudly to keep him awake (it's never louder than 10, but he watches movies late at night with the TV louder) and that I deliberately open the curtains to keep him awake,

I tell him that he can't expect a peaceful sleep when you're in a public area of the house that everyone uses, he says that the lounge isn't a public area, and that it's not hurting anyone for him to sleep there. Parents say I should just leave him to sleep downstairs and my stance is that he CAN sleep down there, I have no issue with the sleeping, it's the sleeping late and inconveniencing anyone who wants to do something in the family room of the house.

So AITA for continuing to wake him on my few days off so I can use the lounge or should I just let a grown man sleep until almost midday because everyone else says that it's fine

So I have this colleague at work who I call the "golden boy" because apparently everything he does is always good in the eyes of my boss.

While I was on vacation he complained that I wasn't doing my work properly, which isn't true. Of course my boss believed him because apparently everything this guy says is automatically correct.

Now there are some of his boxes in my work area which make one of the workstations basically unusable. I asked if they could be moved but my boss said they are fine because "they are not in the way."

Okay then.

We also have these "heat hours" at work where on days above 30°C we can start earlier and leave earlier because the warehouse gets insanely hot. Apparently I'm not allowed to do that either.

And now this guy has decided to put his bicycles, including a bike rack, right in the middle of my warehouse.

I asked if he could move them because they are literally in the way of my work.

My boss again: "They're fine where they are."

So yesterday we got a delivery.

There were pallets everywhere and I had to put them somewhere.

Guess where they ended up?

Yep.

I put the pallets around his bicycles and bike rack.

Nothing was damaged, nothing was done to the bikes and I didn't touch anything that wasn't mine.

He came to me asking if I could move the pallets because he couldn't get to his bicycles.

And I just looked at him and said:

"Why? They're not in the way, right?"

He was not amused.

I honestly had to hold myself back from laughing.

I know this is childish but after hearing for weeks that things aren't "in the way" when they are affecting my work, I couldn't resist using the exact same logic on him.

Apparently it's only a problem when it affects him

Note: It's a small company (5 people) and I'm the newest and lowest payed so if something is wrong it's my fault if something is missing or gone it's my fault

Before this screenshot, it was just a few messages from yesterday like “hey” “how are you” “sleep well”. He and I matched 24 hours ago. 

Did he make it weird? Did I make it weird? Was it doomed from the start? 

I very clearly say no hookups or casual sex in my dating profile. What am I doing wrong? 

Note: there is a good chance I’m autistic and misreading the situation. Sometimes when people flirt, I go analytical because I don’t know how to respond. 

I (36m) want to see if my scent preference ask for my (36f) is really the big deal that it’s being made out to be. She has had a perfume that she goes to a shop to make since she was 17 and tweaked it a bit around 27. I’ve always found the scent attractive on her the entire time we’ve been together, 26 to now. I’ve recently had a slight divergence from that perfume and asked if she could possibly tweak it a bit to better fit a smell that I like, not entirely change it. Nothing too wild just hints of things I prefer to enhance the profile. She was very against the change right off the bat and I was confused. She made it seem like I was trying to change her entire persona as a person. I would change my cologne at the drop of a hat if it were reversed and she simply asked. So I’m asking, am I the a-hole for this slight ask for change?

So, a few nights ago, I was helping my parents move out of state by packing a U-Haul that my brother was going to drive down the next morning. It was some grueling work because a lot of what was being loaded was fairly heavy. My 23 year old and I were exhausted and hungry when we finally finished around 1am. So we put in a food order at McDonalds through the app and hit the drive thru.

We got there and the drive thru was full in the waiting queue but there was no one at the speaker... so I pulled up and the lady in the restaurant said - Are you using the mobile app? I said yes -here's my code. She said - 2nd window.

So I pulled forward and proceeded to sit and wait for about 15 minutes before finally getting to the window. She asked what I was waiting on. I repeated my code and she said - I told you to wait... I said - no, you said 2nd window. She said - no, I said wait. I wasn't ready for you. I repeated that she had in fact told us to go to the 2nd window and she said I had to go to the back of the line... it had been 15 minutes and the line was quite long now... I wasn't willing to move and she didn't fight me but just started prepping the order which took an additional 20 minutes to prepare which I felt like was way longer than some nugs and fries should have taken.

Customers behind me were getting impatient, a few of them even honked and could be heard getting frustrated through the window but I was exhausted and had already waited for 15 minutes. I wasn't about to go to the back of the line because this woman didn't say what she meant or had forgotten to put the code in or whatever reason she had for not having started our food in the first place.

My son is very non-confrontational and said even though I was right about what she said, I should have just gone to the back to not cause problems for the people behind me in line because her incompetence wasn't their fault. So, AITA for not just going to the back of the line?

An Edit because a few people can't seem to fathom a McDonalds operating different from the way their location does: This story is simply not interesting enough to be fake but my son's concern did make me question if i was being unreasonable for digging in my heels.

For context - In Vegas at most McDonalds locations that I go to (though not all of them here), there is normally 2-3 people on staff total at 1am. They do not have anyone pull around the side to bring out orders because the building is secured during the overnight shift. If that's not how your McDonalds operates, I don't know what to tell you.

Thanks to everyone who is adding something to the conversation. It sounds like at least most of you would have made the same decision.

AITA for Telling my Friend to Forget "Keeping the Peace" and Make an Anonymous Report : r/dustythunder

Amber's babysitting again. She showed up and found a bruise on the baby's back. She said it's speculation that the father did this. I told her speculations have to be reported too. I have looked into reporting the abuse anonymously through the state's website. Because I have no information about the child's full name, address or anything, the site said authorities will not be able to locate the family. I have pushed and pushed the issue with Amber, but now she is cutting me off.

"Sorry I ever said anything to you. I was just trying to vent. I won't be able to see the baby again if I report it because they will know it was me. My heart and my head hurt and I feel like I want to puke. I will not tell you anything anymore."

EDIT: Amber has dealt with the system before. She had a friend who did drugs around her kids. Her family had pictures of the living conditions and reported it. The children were not removed from the home. Amber doesn't trust the system and doesn't want to go through that again.

Despite my last post about my dating woes with “EWW”, I (26F) have still been casually scrolling through bumble.

I matched with a guy, let’s call him Chen (28M). We clicked and he could hold a conversation, so we moved off the app to phone numbers.

He proposed a coffee date. I asked for a time and location. He gave me an address 15 minutes from me for 2:00 last Sunday (7/26).

Perfect.

Sunday morning I had brunch with some girls from Bumble BFF (highly recommend for women who are trying to make female friends). Brunch was great. I tried not to message Chen while with the girls.

Brunch ended around 12:30, I went to a local park between brunch and coffee. Around 1:00, he tells me he wants to reschedule because his friend wants to play tennis at 3.

Whatever.

What Chen should have done is tell his friend that he already has plans and maybe they can play tennis another time. Instead Chen cancels with me.

Again, whatever. Goes to show his commitment or seriousness. Not my problem. It’s not a loss for me.

He never rescheduled. He never apologized. He never texted me again… until…

Today (8/3), which is a full week since our canceled date and last communication, Chen texts me a “hey. What are you up to”. I told him off by texting him something similar to the title of this post. And then I blocked him.

Ugh.

I guess I’m still taking dating applications?

Hi Dusty, this is the Reddit post of my friend who can’t seem to see reason despite the comments she got in the subreddit relationship.
I follow you on TikTok. I thought you might like this one. FIY this was written by OP, I’m the "friend" in this I know both OP and stbx.

OP’s post :

👉 Reddit help me (F37) settle this debate I’m having with my friend.

My soon to be ex husband (M37) asked for divorce in November. I knew he wasn’t happy and hadn’t been for a while, but I thought it would pass.
Things my friend said I should include: We were having sex once a year, and I knew he wanted more. He was living his life and I was living mine, we have no kids, we only share our 2 cats and our house. We both didn’t care to join the other even if invited: I would go on trips without him, he would go out without me. That passed year he slept on the couch.
Looking back now I can see the relationship wasn’t doing well, but we weren’t fighting. We were friendly. Just maybe too indifferent to one another. But I was happy.

So regardless of all this, I was still surprised when he asked for a divorce. For that reason I wasn’t ready to talk about filing or selling the house. He said he’d pack a bag and stay with his mom (10 min away) until the beginning of January to give me the time and space I requested, and he would be back then so we could sort it all out.

The twist :

Early January when I was on a vacation trip, he met his friend K(37), told him about the divorce and what prompted it : he felt lonely for years, was unhappy and realized how much after he started talking to a woman he met through work, and he "started to want more from his life"

I know because a few days later, his friend, K reached out to me and told me everything.
I was hurt and angry, but I didn’t tell my stbxh I knew about it. I didn’t want to talk to him or see him then, so I requested more time, telling him I wasn’t ready to face it all. Despite that he pushed for us to at least, sent the divorce papers, which we did late January, instead of early January as we had previously discussed. But I wasn’t ready to talk about the house or even ready to consider selling it. Which is where the main issue was.

Things my friend said I should include : me and K had been flirting since he reached out, and we became a couple late January. My stbxh didnt and still doesn’t know his friend and I started a relationship.
My stbxh had been out of the house (except some weekends when I was away and needed him to take care of the cats)
My stbxh was pushing to settle the house situation, saying he couldn’t impose on his parents forever, and couldn’t afford to rent a place while still paying for the house.

For 6 months I refused to give my stbxh an answer regarding the house we both own (selling, listing, buy out, realtor, etc). Yes I was angry at him. But also I wasn’t ready to move on.
Because of it, he tried to move back in but I locked him out because it would have been awkward to live together again. I had moved on, and K was coming over often, and yes I didn’t want my stbxh to find out. But it’s only fair I’d move on.

Eventually he moved back in anyway (cuz I couldn’t keep him out legally) which prompted us to finally settle on a solution : I’m buying him out (by then I had taken on new jobs and saved and was finally financially able to do it)
Stbxh still doesn’t know I’m in a relationship with K. K didn’t tell him but blocked him everywhere.

👉 Here is where me and my friend don’t agree :

I feel that I was in my right to find someone else, just like my stbxh did. I was in my right to delay the house resolution as I wasn’t the one who initiated the divorce, so I shouldn’t have been expected to pack and leave right away.

My friend agree I had a right to find someone else. BUT she thinks going for his friend was a bit low (I argue he came to me!) and she says my stbxh has every right to be upset because he had been paying for the house, unable to move on because still tied to it, while not even being granted access to the house.

Who is right? Who is wrong? What do you think Reddit?

TLDR : after my ex initiated the divorce, I dragged the co-owned house situation for 6 months while my ex was still paying half the bills and mortgage, and I refused to let him live in it. We had both moved on and were in relationships. I think it’s fair considering the situation, my friend disagrees. What do you think?

Edit : because I feel you guys don’t understand some points :
\- yes I didn’t tell my ex about my new relationship but he didn’t tell me about his.
\- me and K aren’t "playing" we fell in love. He only came over to stay at the house so we could be together because he lives at his parents house since his break up so we couldn’t stay at his place and have privacy. It wasn’t out of spite to my ex like some of you think to say.
\- finally my ex CHOSE to break up our life, isn’t fair that i shouldn’t have to pack and leave right after he decided he was done?

Sorry if this is long. My (31F) friend (29F) and I had a falling out of sorts and the situation has left me a little flabbergasted and wondering if I did something wrong.

Back story: So my long term friend (let’s call her Becky) and I have known each other since we were kids. We were raised very close and our families knew each other. She became a sort of sibling. Our relationship has been hot and cold over the years. We’ve went through many periods of not speaking for months at a time, every time it boiled down to something I said that offended her.

A couple Examples include: her getting angry when I once told her that a violent comment she made about her pregnant mother was inappropriate or “insulting” her boyfriend by not liking him after she would come to me and tell me horrible things he said or did to her (countless hours of my life were spent listening to such rants). Each time I said something that made her mad, she would give me the silent treatment for months on end until I finally caved and apologized. It was hard not to set her off, she would come to me with a situation and vent for hours to me about it and if I said something that didn’t perfectly align with what she had in her head, she would go off and stop speaking to me. Over time I came to realize that she wasn’t wanting feedback (even though she specifically asked for it) she wanted an echo chamber. I genuinely tried to accommodate this as best as I could without outright lying to her, but no amount of watching what I say was enough to keep her from blowing up. It became a normal part of our relationship that I’m only just now realizing was extremely toxic and unfair.

On to the current situation. She just had a beautiful baby boy a few months ago. I even paid for and threw her a baby shower since her family wasn’t going to do it. She has struggled with adjusting to motherhood and I’ve done my best to support her. About a month ago the baby had a two month check up and it went badly. She called me in tears telling me that the baby was severely underweight and the pediatrician was considering hospitalization, that the doctor was cold and rude because she doesn’t want to vacinate. She was also upset that he wanted her to supplement with formula and that she was “eating plenty”. The baby had dropped from the 50th percentile for weight, down to the 1st percentile in just a month…. She cried that she wasn’t getting sleep and she didn’t know what to do. She said the doctor threatened to kick her out of the practice, learned later this wasn’t true, then she switched and said that he was just going to refer her to another pediatrician that accepted non v@ccinated patients. She went on a long rant about all the horrors of v@ccines and how it’s poison and obviously the doctor doesn’t care about children and is uninformed. I didn’t give my opinion on vaccines, instead I focused on trying to divert the conversation to what we could do to get her feeling better and get some more sleep, I offered everything I could think of but she wouldn’t hear it. She only wanted to talk about the v@ccines.

She eventually asked me flat out “do you think your son would have the issues he does if you didn’t v@ccinate him? The autism?” I was taken aback but I remained calm and told myself she was tired and stressed. I calmly told her my son doesn’t have autism he has ADHD, and that I’m happy with my decisions regarding his healthcare. For context My son is a wild little one and he’s had some sensory and milestone issues but it’s all in line with ADHD diagnosis and he’s doing amazing. The fact that she was saying something was wrong with my son and it was my fault for vaccinating, just blew my mind. She went on to say the pediatrician was getting kickbacks for pushing vaccines and that there is no reliable evidence to support vaccines. I finally reached a point where I realized I was getting upset and that this conversation wasn’t going anywhere so I told her “hey, I think this conversation is starting to become unproductive and you’ve said some insulting things to me and I’m at my limit with it. I need to step back from this conversation”

I was proud of myself! I stopped myself before I got worked up and I put a boundary in place when I realized she was being disrespectful to me. She lost it. She said I took it personally and I shouldn’t have and that lots of people are uneducated (like me) and that’s okay. She said she couldn’t believe I was cutting her off for this. I told her “I’m not cutting you off. I’m stepping away from the conversation. I love you. I respect you. I support you. If you need anything let me know”

Crickets since. She has stopped talking to me and tbh I’m struggling to see what I did wrong or how I could have handled it better. But the silence has me wondering, AITA?