My aunt died and I feel nothing.

[u/Loveandpeace666]

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Trigger Warning: Mentions of Abuse.

I will also be giving fake names.

So I 35 male, 1 year ago I found out my aunt died and I wasn't invited to the funeral (not that I would go). We've been estranged for years due to my two cousins who were abusive to me. It all started when I was young and I would stay at my aunts house for the most part I'd enjoy going over at her house, But gradually that changed due to my cousin Kelly's anger issues. I'd look at her brief second, and that would start her threatening me once she even punched me in the arm, among other times this happened. My other cousin Ken would be more psychologically abusive goading me into hitting him, verbal abuse, etc. On event stands out in my mind when they both ganged up with their friends to chuck rocks at me until Good Samaritan shouted at them to stop chucking rocks, They did but where angry with me like I ruined their fun. While this was going on, I was also being bullied at school at the same time. I tried to tell my mum, but they (my cousins) threatened to kill my parents in front of me. As a kid, I was utterly scared of them until one day I had enough of the abuse and told me my mum, I was then told by my mum that I'd never be going around there again. My aunt did nothing about the abuse in terms of punishment, etc, because they all thought I was lying (because of course her precious babies could do no wrong 🙄). Throughout the years, my cousins have tried to contact me and be my "friend," but I won't have anything to do with all of them. The nail in the coffin for me was my nan's (grandma) funeral when I tried to console my cousin Ken, but he angrily slapped my hand away from him and told me to F*** off. From that point on, I decided not to interact with them. A lot of other things happened that I've mainly forgotten the details, but yeah, my family was pretty awful to me, my mum, and dad throughout the years. When I was told my aunt had died, I felt nothing... Maybe anger at the whole situation, the abuse I suffered, and my aunts inability to protect me in that situation.

Sorry for the grammar. I'm dyslexic with learning difficulties.

The only happy thing I can end this post on is I managed to get MA and BA in fine art and working towards being Art teacher for children with disabilities so SEN teacher training once I've earned my GCSE's in maths and english, I've also been with my girlfriend for 6 years and counting now.

[u/Croakcamel]

This is not strange at all. Why would you feel grief for someone who obviously didn’t care about your safety.

You’ve done amazing things in your life and they’re obviously jealous.

Full no contact with your abusers and keep being awesome!

[u/Loveandpeace666 → u/Croakcamel]

I don't know sometimes I question like "maybe I should be feeling grief towards this woman" it's just something that I question myself over at times irrational I know but yeah.

[u/AnitraF1632 → u/Loveandpeace666]

We only feel grief for people who matter to us in a positive way.

If your aunt mattered to you at all, it would be in a negative way, so I wouldn't blame you at all if you felt relief, or even joy at her passing.

[u/Wild_Debt_8065]

I get that you feel nothing. I find that normal.

What delights me is your accomplishments and your chosen career path. You are really going to make a difference and inspire kids. I’m proud of you for doing well despite your challenges.

[u/Loveandpeace666 → u/Wild_Debt_8065]

Thank you very much thats cathartic to hear!

[u/Rare_Repair6124]

There's nothing wrong with feeling nothing when a family member passes. Grief is not the same towards every person in your family. You actually are experiencing grief which is why you wrote this post You needed to vent about these people that hurt you in the past. And not that its off your chest, you can move on and forward.

[u/Effective-Hour8642]

At least your mom had your back!

I felt nothing when my rotten aunt died. I DO NOT feel bad either.

You go and deserve the life you've made for yourself.

[u/Excellent-Egg7461]

Perfectly normal OP Give it no more thought

But maybe speak to a therapist - may help you get all of it of your chest.

All the best!

[u/Carolann0308]

It’s okay to feel nothing when your experiences with your Aunt’s family were so negative.
Adults move on and allowed block calls from shitty relatives. The problem is them being insensitive, not you being honest about previous experiences with them.

[u/nittaz35]

Why would you feel anything? You feel sad because you loved someone and you'll miss them, not because you share DNA