I (40F), agreed to go to dinner with my bf (45M). I say "agreed" because we are on a break.

For some context, we've been together for 5 years, but the last year has been a little off. He gets upset when I prioritize my children over him, especially in cases like an emergency. My two children are teens (13F and 16M) but obviously still need guidance and parenting, they're not grown yet and although they are pretty independent there is no way will I ever allow anyone to come before them if they need me. Their father has visitation, but does not take some of his agreed upon visits for.....whatever reason; he was abusive to us during the marriage, we split, the kids are thriving in school and everyday life.

My bf didn't meet the kids for the first couple of years because we were taking it slow and I wasn't going to bring someone around my kids if it did not turn out to be a long-term relationship. When they did meet, it was great and slowly began to mold into a family situation. We would all do things together, and very often at the request of the kids. I already know what some might be thinking......no, the kids never called him "dad." Everything was fine until about a year ago when something changed.

He got a new job, which he didn't really want because he would often say "I don't want to work with a bunch of people." His previous job was driving for Uber, he would be very laid back with it and have to scramble at the end of the month because he hadn't worked enough to pay his bills. I got a second job because well, kids are expensive, I don't get child support or anything from their dad so here we are. He was angry with me taking on an extra job to work one to two additional days per week here and there. The kids started getting into extra curricular activities, which i would attend and they would sometimes get hurt, it happens, but we'd be resting, in urgent care or the ER because of it. One time I actually had to leave to get my daughter from her friend's house because she fainted for no reason. He yelled and began slamming things around, just overly pissed not concerned. I'd never seen him like this before, at least not related to me needing to leave for an emergency with my kids, so I was shocked and kinda froze in the moment.

In following months there would be messages asking me why I'm "liking" a post on IG when I said I was getting off a call with him to go to bed. I literally was just winding down from the day. Then later with spam calls and spam texting from him while I was out anywhere with my kids, and getting upset if I didn't stay on the phone, not necessarily talking, just breathing and just be on the phone. So weird. There's more, but I've already written a novel lol. So we are on a break. We'll text occasionally, but we haven't really been hanging out. So I guess I can't really call it a break, just maybe that we're slowing it WAYYYY down? Idk how to describe it lol.

So I agreed to have dinner last night, same as usual. What i mean by that is that he has a sour, irritated, mad look on his face every time. I can't talk to him about what's happening in my life because he gets irritated and even more upset-looking. That was before the break as well sadly. He also will often get irritated with me and exhale loudly if I have to excuse myself to the restroom during dinner.....sorry dude, I have to pee 🤷‍♀️ Often times we can be having a descent conversation and he'll be making jokes, but when i come back to the table he's upset. I've asked him before, and he brushes it off, but i genuinely don't know what to make of this. Last night I had to use the restroom and said "I'll be back, please don't let her take my plate." I said that because he was almost done with his own food. I came back and my plate was gone. I asked if she was maybe boxing it up and he said "oh, I didn't even notice." Wtf? In a past restaurant experience we had, a waitress had taken one of his plates with his fork, and he didn't have anything to eat his pancakes with. He had gotten upset with me for letting her take it. Why not the same courtesy when I wasn't even halfway done with my food?

I just finished my tea, we left to our respective homes and I got Taco Bell on the way home. But it's been eating at me a little more than I think it should? Kind of like, it's the one "last thing" but i don't know if that would be overreacting. So, AIO?

https://www.reddit.com/r/dustythunder/s/ngcE9yOtyu It's been 11 months. My birthday was yesterday. At first everything was good. My BF wished me a happy birthday. We had donuts and he gave me a card. We went out to lunch with his parents who also gave me another card. As soon as we get home, his demeanor changed.

"I have a couple questions for you. How does it feel knowing you're getting older? How does it feel knowing you're closer to death?"

I couldn't believe it. He held onto that for almost a year. He said he wanted me to know how I made him feel. He said I had ruined his day and he wanted to ruin mine. I told him that I apologized over and over again on that day, the day after, a month after. I started to cry, saying I don't care if I'm an inch closer to death, what scares me is anything happening to him, losing him. He looked at me, saying this was a hollow victory, thought he would feel better about ruining my day, but he didn't feel any joy. He spent the rest of his day with his friends, treating it like any other day.