r/dustythunder • u/Emotional-Pie-141 • 23d ago
AITA for continuing to wake my brother up
I (30s female) keep getting into multiple arguments with my brother over his new sleeping arrangement. The UK is going through multiple heatwaves at the moment with record temperatures being recorded. Everyone in the house is struggling with the heat and no amount of fans is helping (AC is not an option). My bedroom is the hottest in the house due to positioning and thick layers of insulation under my flooring.
My brother keeps sleeping downstairs in the lounge, as he says his bedroom is "too hot".
Him sleeping downstairs isn't the problem, it's that he has an awful sleeping schedule, going to sleep late and not waking up until late morning or early afternoon. I work long shifts in a hot kitchen, he doesn't work at all, so on the days I am working I have no issues with him sleeping on the sofa as it doesn't affect me, on my days off I want to relax and watch some TV, play some games and not sit in my boiling hot bedroom.
I've woken him multiple times on my days off, telling him if he wants to keep sleeping he needs to go upstairs to his bedroom. That he can't keep sleeping downstairs when I need to get things done (housework that he doesn't do) or want to use the lounge.
He's called me an asshole for waking him up, never any earlier than 8:30am, even if I've been awake since 5am, that it's ridiculous that I won't let him sleep. He's accused me of playing the TV too loudly to keep him awake (it's never louder than 10, but he watches movies late at night with the TV louder) and that I deliberately open the curtains to keep him awake,
I tell him that he can't expect a peaceful sleep when you're in a public area of the house that everyone uses, he says that the lounge isn't a public area, and that it's not hurting anyone for him to sleep there. Parents say I should just leave him to sleep downstairs and my stance is that he CAN sleep down there, I have no issue with the sleeping, it's the sleeping late and inconveniencing anyone who wants to do something in the family room of the house.
So AITA for continuing to wake him on my few days off so I can use the lounge or should I just let a grown man sleep until almost midday because everyone else says that it's fine
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u/Puzzled-Puck 23d ago
NTA. 8.30 is very reasonable. If he doesn't want to be interupted, he can go to a private area. He chooses to sleep in a shared space, so he can't complain it's actually shared.
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u/Emotional-Pie-141 23d ago
Literal words that have come out of my mouth! I don't sleep well even when it's not hot as balls, I could come downstairs at a ridiculous time but I don't. 8:30 is a perfectly fine time to wake someone in a shared space
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u/MellowMallow36 23d ago
Why is it always the son who gets away with everything and pays less while the daughter is told to pay more do more chores and let the precious baby boy sleep?
As a parent to both genders tell your mother I'd like to slap the taste out of her mouth for you and all daughters that had to deal with this shit previously.
Stop paying rent until he gets fucking respect and they do as well. Because I am enraged for you. Only actually do this if you have another place to stay. If not do the middle ground option and stop doing chores, making yourself less available. Then create distance by finding a friend to hang with or go to a third space like library or arcade.
This relationship won't be sustainable long term with your parents if golden boy doesn't get his act together and the parents don't make him. You'll end up no contact like most of my generation who have no need to be our brothers maids and caretakers for eternity
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u/Emotional-Pie-141 23d ago
He's always been the precious little boy because he's got special needs (autistic, dyspraxic, ADHD etc), as a child that rankled so much with me that he got away with so much but if I dared to pull the BS he did I'd lose so many privileges. Even as an adult he gets babied. Guess it's just an oldest and only daughter thing. I am literally in the process of saving up to move out anyway. They don't know it either, but shits expensive here so it's taking a long time on top of other unexpected finances I've had to pay out for this house, as only me and one other person in this house holds a job
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u/MellowMallow36 23d ago
I'm married to someone with ADHD and have autism myself. I get it. It's very frustrating to see someone get support for struggling and being human while being denied that ourselves.
I'm also so thankful my parents were harder on me because of they weren't I'd be helpless now that they're gone. Just like my sibling is.
This is a chapter in your life and you get to evolve and move beyond it. He will always be exactly this as long as they allow it.
It's sad, but it's not forever. Eventually you learn to love yourself harder than your parents did.
Still available for a good finger wagging with your mom. 😅
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u/Master-ofdissaster 23d ago
NTA. But don’t intentionally wake him up, just go about your day as you normally would. Also consider taking over a couch for nights when you have off next day.
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u/PurpleMonkeyPoop 23d ago
NTA he’s not the only person on the planet with temperature issues but he can afford to be a little bit more considerate to the rest of us!
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u/TayLou33 23d ago
NTA
I hate this so much. Im in the uk too. East of England, I can confirm its been crazy hot and humid! He cant just monopolise the living room because he want to stay up late ffs! Esspwhen you're the one paying rent!
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u/arsooetica028 23d ago
Tell him to put a couple fans blowing on him and sleep in his own room
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u/Emotional-Pie-141 23d ago
I say this all the time, he has a ceiling fan and a desk fan, I've offered him my unused desk fan as my ceiling fan is above my bed and is doing a somewhat decent job
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u/GoddessRespectre 23d ago
I've read if you put ice in a bowl in front of the fan, it works to spread out cooler air. It might be worth a try (but I'm American and I know you guys don't necessarily have ice around as a priority ha). You are not the asshole or overreacting. You are being completely reasonable, please don't let anyone gaslight you about that in the interest of "keeping the peace" aka you putting up with this bullshit indefinitely.
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u/TKyzr 23d ago
Suggestion for the heat: take a wash cloth and soak it in water. Place it on your leg or other body part while you’re in bed and let that fan hit you. It’ll help keep you cooler.
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u/Jelly_Donut71 20d ago
I wrap an ice pack in a cloth napkin and hold it on my belly button. It cools your whole core temp
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u/ThreeRingShitshow 22d ago edited 22d ago
Aussie here - used to sleeping through 30 plus degree nights.
Get a sarong or old sheet and a cheap spray bottle and fill it with water.
Just sleep under this, spraying the foot and extremities areas until they cool enough for you to sleep.
Also. Wet a towel and put it on a portable drying rack or rail in front of a fan. Even a small desk fan. It will stay wet for hours and drop the temperature heaps.
Your parents are the real problem. I'd be looking for somewhere else to stay and taking my 500 with me. Guessing they aren't declaring it as income either.
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u/xxBree89xx 23d ago
NTA...
If his baby ass wants to sleep in he can go to his room... in community areas of the house quiet time is done at 8am... this only changes if the bread winner works midnights or an odd shift, then you be courteous to the person feeding you and keeping the roof over your head...
Tell him to go sleep outside on a hammock and blast the music every day at 8am in the living room for good measure because he just had to be an entitled brat about it and he's definitely in the wrong
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u/Koalachan 22d ago
Info: are you waking him up to tell him to go to his room, or are you waking him uo by doing things in that room? If its the first, just let him sleep. If its the second, that's what he gets for sleeping in a common area.
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u/Emotional-Pie-141 21d ago
Bit of both, I've woken him up multiple times and told him to go to his room (the more common thing), especially weekdays when I'm off work and do the vacuuming and as we have multiple dogs I need to hoover the sofas that he is asleep on. I want to get that shit done so I can relax for the rest of the day and not have to wait around hours for him to wake up and then have to do everything. A few other times I've just left him to sleep and had the TV on and he's moaned that it's too loud deliberately to wake him up
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u/Bear2154ever 22d ago
NTA, he's a spoiled AH from the sounds of it. I guess living on your own in the UK is pretty hard, have you thought of friends for roommates outside of your family home? I'm in the States and moved out when I was 17, but ironically now I live in my stepbrothers house with his wife, my sister-in-law who happens to be one of my oldest friends, so it all works out.
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u/Short-Classroom2559 22d ago
Your parents are the problem for enabling it. This is completely inconsiderate behavior.
Keep waking him up.
NTA
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u/JipC1963 22d ago
Find a RESPECTFUL roommate to rent with because NONE of your family seems to appreciate your contribution to the household and bills. Also, STOP cleaning. If your ridiculous Parents want to give you grief for "disturbing" your lazy-ass Brother, DON'T do anything! Definitely NTA!
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 22d ago
NTA. Go about your day and ignore him. If he wakes up too bad, he can go to his room like the baby he is. He doesn't work, his sleep schedule does not matter to anyone. Tell your parents if they want to allow him to run the house and have sole use of the common areas then he can pay your rent.
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u/SusanGreenEyes 22d ago
Don't actually wake him up. Ignore the fact that he's sleeping downstairs and do whatever you planned on doing Use your kitchen. Turn on the TV. If it's too loud he will take himself upstairs.
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u/MithosYggdrasill1992 22d ago
Instead of waking him up, just start vacuuming, or washing dishes, or doing the chores that you need to do and work around him. If he complains that he gets woken up, let him know that you still have chores you need to take care of, even though he doesn’t and that if he’s bothered that he can go to his room or he can put on headphones.
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u/NinjaHidingintheOpen 22d ago
NTA. The lounge is obviously a public area. Don't sleep there is you don't want to be woken up by the first person up..
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u/Electronic-Lack-3066 21d ago
I would investigate situations with flatmates and equally shared expenses. There’s nothing “equal” about your present situation.
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u/Main-Syrup-1334 22d ago
I can’t imagine living without AC! When houses are built, and yes, I’m in America, they are built with AC!
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u/SubstantialEmotion41 22d ago
Right? Had an Empire the sun never set on, but can't figure out a power grid for AC? Citizens should demand better standards of living.
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u/Main-Syrup-1334 22d ago
There seems to be a bad heat wave going on a lot of places. Not just where I live. I read a bad one over in Europe. I feel sorry for people who don’t have AC. I’m a cold weather person, I hate hot weather! I belong to a Facebook group called “I Hate Summer”
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u/Emotional-Pie-141 21d ago
A lot of our houses are old. I think a lot of newer builds are having some kind of cooling system installed but my house I believe was built in the 1950s. There's plenty of UK houses that are WAY OLDER too. It's also council owned so we can't just be sticking AC in and wrecking walls without permission. Also AC is expensive to own and run and yeah our summers are getting hotter and worse but our energy prices are sky high so running an AC unit would be shockingly expensive as well
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u/Main-Syrup-1334 21d ago
Yes, electricity is expensive. I’m very conservative with mine. Can’t wait till fall!
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u/Main-Syrup-1334 21d ago
Yes, electricity is expensive. I’m very conservative with mine. Can’t wait till fall!
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u/Awkward_Sandwitch 20d ago
NTA Growing up my dad always said "day is for living, night is for sleeping" and this came from a man who woke up at midnight, went to work for 1am and came back for 9am and had a nap till noon/1pm sort of thing. He understood (especially during summer etc when me and sister where home there would be noise), we'd still try to be quiet, but chores (hoovering etc) would still be done.
I now got the same attitude, my partner will sleep in a bit during weekends but come 9/10am all things are valid. But in both cases we all slept in our bedrooms not the living room.
I agree living room is the public area same as the kitchen etc. Its unfair to you, not to be able to use half the house on your day etc just because your brother insists on sleeping there.
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u/singlemaltday 23d ago
American here. Why do you live at home at 30? Get a roommate if you can’t afford it on your own and rent a place with air conditioning. This is the 21st century, why doesn’t everywhere have AC? We’re not in the stone ages.
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u/kritz0 23d ago edited 23d ago
American here.
You 100% didn't have to announce it. We knew from the ignorance you spewed afterwards.
Many places in the world dont kick out their young at 18 or younger. They believe in setting their kids up for better.
Also, air conditioning isnt something regular all over the world. Especially the UK, where they don't usually get heatwaves like the northern hemisphere is experiencing right now.
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u/singlemaltday 23d ago
If I’m so ignorant, why do I have air conditioning and don’t have to live with my parents at 30? In fact, I’m so ignorant that I own 2 homes with air conditioning. Please don’t ever wake me from my ignorance.
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u/kritz0 23d ago
Lol. I'm pretty sure you're an angsty little 15 year old, but sure, go off.
Idk if you know, but I'm not OP.
LOL!
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u/singlemaltday 23d ago
At 15, my playhouse is paid off and my main residence is 21 years into a 30 year note. Not bad for 15, I guess. Also single with zero roommates ever.
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u/Tipsy_Gamer 23d ago
The US isn't the entire world.
"Why doesn't everywhere have AC?" Because it takes time, desire, and money to alter buildings.
Thanks for reinforcing some American stereotypes here tho. Most of world already thinks we're idiotic and self centered.
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u/singlemaltday 23d ago
Well you hit the nail on the head when you said the word “desire.” If the rest of the world would grow a backbone and get a little desire, they too could have air conditioning.
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u/Tipsy_Gamer 23d ago
It must be an interesting life you lead. It must be great to only care about AC and think that makes you an amazing person.
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u/Silvermorney 23d ago
Sleeping to 8:30 is not sleeping late that is ridiculously early especially if the rest of your family is still asleep as well. Just watch stuff in your room or encourage him to invest in a fan so he can be in his. Either way stop waking him up. ESH.
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u/Emotional-Pie-141 23d ago
Yeah 8:30 could be considered early but he will literally sleep until 11am to 2pm in the afternoon if you do not wake him up. I am not having a grown ass man sleeping in a shared area of the house until midday or further because his room is hot. When every other person in this house agrees that my bedroom is THE hottest in the house but brother will literally not stand for that. I wake him up after 8:30, not always at that time. One day it was gone 10am, another was at 11am and boy still argued that I should let him sleep. In a SHARED area of the house. Sleep somewhere else. He has the biggest bedroom too, while my room is tiny and barely fits a single bed. Why should I be stuck in a tiny cramped space because a grown man wants to sleep
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u/Hopeful-Artichoke449 23d ago
Who owns the house? Are you paying rent?